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EDITORIAL.

SATURDAY MIGHT.

By a n c i e n t custom, S a t u r d a y n i g h t i s the n i g h t when men r e l a x from th e a r d o u r s of t h ^ i r week's work, and seek s o c i a l e n t e r t a i n m e n t t o p r o v i d e t h a t r e l a x a t i o n . At c o l l e g e i t i s the time when s t u d e n t s can get t o g e t h e r t o d i s c u s s a f f a i r s of the moment w i t h , t o use an RAP e x p r e s s i o n , the hangar doers w e l l s h u t ; when men can assuage the g r e a t t h i r s t caused by the a f t e r n o o n ' s manly p u r s u i t s , and t o f o r t i f y t hemselves f o r f u r t h e r p u r s u i t s ; when men, w o r k i n g w i t h men d u r i n g t h e week, seek th e company of women.

'^he Union p r o v i d e s us w i t h ample o p o o r t u n i t y t o e n j o y our S a t u r d a y n i g h t s i n a l l t h e s e ways. We have a c o m f o r t a b l e lounge i n w h i c h t o s i t and t a l k , a b a r t o p r o v i d e f o r t i f i c a t i o n and a dance w h i c h p r o v i d e s a l a r g e and v a r i e d s e l e c t i o n of f e m i n i n e company. I t i s t r u e t h a t the q u a l i t y of the beer i s sucn as t o d r i v e many of the more d i s c r i m i n a t i n g d r i n k e r s t o the t a v e r n s , b u t t h i s i s a s u b j e c t i n t o w h i c h t h e r e i s ' no need t o d i v a g a t e , s i n c e i t i s a l r e a d y under a c t i v e cons i d e r a t l o n .

I t i s an e n c o u r a g i n g s i g n of the i n c r e a s e d i n t e r e s t of the C o l l e g e i n i t s s o c i a l a f f a i r s t h a t t h e s e S a t u r d a y n i g h t "hops" have become so p o p u l a r r e c e n t l y . U n f o r t u n a t e l y t h i s p o p u l a r i t y has s p r e a d t o o t h e r c o l l e g e s and o u t s i d e i n d i v i d u a l s , but as we have seen i n our c o r r e s p o n d e n c e columns, t h i s i s a m a t t e r w h i c h can b e s t be d e a l t w i t h by our own s t u d e n t s ; the i n t e r l o p e r s a r e u s u a l l y f a i r l y easy t o p i c k out when t h e y f i r s t a r r i v e , and by t h e i r c o n v e r s a t i o n , and e v e r y member o f the U n i o n has a r i g h t t o ask them t o l e a v e .

There i s , however, one t h i n g t h a t d e t r a c t s a l i t t l e f r o m the p l e a s u r e of the e v e n i n g , and t h a t i s the overcrevading of the b a r . Those whose main p r e o c c u p a t i o n i s w i t h t h e i r t h i r s t are u s u a l l y s u f f i c i e n t t o f i l l the bar,, so t h a t the d a n c e r s , t r y i n g t o get t h e i r w e l l e a r n e d d r i n k s d u r i n g the tangos and rumbas, have the g r e a t e s t d i f f i c u l t y i n g e t t i n g s e r v e d .

We u n d e r s t a n d that a t one t i m e the s e r v e r y i n the Upper D i n i n g H a l l was used as a b a r , and t h i s i d e a d e s e r v e s c o n s i d e r a t i o n . The o t h e r a l t e r n a t i v e Would be a temporary bar i n the l o u n g e . An e x t r a b a r i s always r u n at C a r n i v a l s , w i t h v o l u n t a r y barmen, and we can see no r e a s o n why t h i s System s h o u l d not be extended, t o S a t u r d a y n i g h t s .

GENERAL ELECTION. T h i s must s u r e l y have been th e q u i e t e s t G e n e r a l E l e c t i o n

at I.C. i n t h e h i s t o r y of the C o l l e g e . A p e r t f r o m a d i s c u s s i o n of the p a r t y m a n i f e s t o e s by the P o l i t i c a l S o c i e t y , and t h a t i l l - a t t e n d e d , t h e r e has been no a c t i v i t y at C o l l e g e t o i n d i c a t e t h a t a n y t h i n g out of the o r d i n a r y was o c c u r r i n g : no d e b a t e s , no p o s t e r s , no mass me;, t i n g s and no r a g s - except f o r a s m a l l . g r o u p who j o i n e d the t h r o n g i n trie West End on T h u r s d a y . The o n l y s p a r k of i n t e r e s t t h a t was shown was on F r i d a y , when the l o ung e was crowded w h i l e the r e s i ; l t s wore coming i n , and one s t u d e n t t o o k a p o r t a b l e w i r e l e s s t o h i s 2 o ' c l o c k l e c t u r e .

Was t h i s due t o a p a t h y , o r t o a f e e l i n g t h a t an E l e c t i o n was t o o s - r i o u s a m a t t e r f o r o l d - f a s h i o n e d s t u d e n t p r a n k s ? P r o b a b l y the l a t t e r , but i t seems a p i t y t h a t t l r - time i s a p p a r e n t l y p a s t when' a man m i g h t l o o k back w i t h ' n o s t a l g i a on h i s s t u d e n t days as the days of h i s gay and w i l d y o u t h . There i s much.to be s a i d f o r the o l d Idea of sowing one's w i l d o a t s when s t i l l young.

Owing to t h e f a c t t h a t lie w i l l s h o r t l y b=3 g o i n g t o C o r n w a l l , Mr. J.K.Booth has r e s i g n e d as S u b - E d i t o r , and Mr. C.M.Hargreaves has been a p p o i n t e d t o the p o s t .

LETTERS FROM AMERICA.

We p u b l i s h here e x t r a c t s from two f u r t h e r l e t t e r s w r i t t e n by Frank L e i g h t o n t o N i c k S a d l e i r . Frank l e f t C i t y & G u i l d s l a s t y e a r s -

Vancouver,B.C. I have j u s t come up h e r e from t h e S t a t e s - s t i l l

l o o k i n g f o r an e n g i n e e r i n g j o b , but b e l i e v e me, i t ' s a B. T h i s whole J i - f c Coast j u s t shuts down i n the w i n t e r owing t o the rugged weather, and o n l y a s m a l l p r o p o r t i o n seem t o work at a l l i n the w i n t e r . I t ' s a l r i g h t f o r those who s t a r t e d work i n the s p r i n g , wages are so h i g h and the cost, of l i v i n g so c o m p a r a t i v e l y low t h a t you don't have t o work i n the w i n t e r .

L have p n l y been, up here a week- but t h e r e i s a glimmer of hope f o r a job i n c i v i l e n g i n e e r i n g , n o t . l i k e b e a t i n g y o u r head a g a i n s t a w a l l i n t h e S t a t e s . I g a t h e r ths.t w i t h B r i t i s h q u a l i f i c a t i o n y o u j u s t can't.go wrong i n the s p r i n g , but r i g h t now e v e r y t h i n g i s dead and no one i s t a k i n g on new s t a f f . I'm down t o my l a s t a s s e t s now, a good c a r and my f a r e home. D i d I t . e l l you I b o u g h t ' m y s e l f a b i g 8 c y l i n d e r B u i c k , m a i n l y t o come up h e r e and l o c k f o r a j o b ? The o n l y snag i s t h a t a t 12 m i l e s t o the g a l l o n you need a j o b t o r u n I t !

However, I'm h a v i n g a whale of a -time. This- i s a b e a u t i f u l c i t y , and" I r e a l l y want t o s t a y h e r e i f I can. A r e a l l y f r i e n d l y crowd - a B r i t i s h way of l i f e , but w i t h the. b e s t t h a t A m e r i c a has t o o f f e r .

Vic t o r i a , B.C . I have got a j o b w i t h the B r i t i s h Columbia P r o v i n c i a l

Government, Dept. of P u b l i c Works, on highways and b r i d g e s . As i t i s the t o u g h e s t highway l o c a t i n g c o u n t r y i n t h e w o r l d , t h r o u g h the h e a r t o f the Canadian R o c k i e s , I'm g e t t i n g some p r e t t y u s e f u l e x p e r i e n c e . Do you remember how we used t o c u r s e A i n s w o r t h and h i s s p i r a l c u r v e s e t c ? .Now I'm w o r k i n g w i t h them and l i k i n g i t .

As the most h i g h l y q u a l i f i e d member of t h e s t a f f I'm g e t t i n g some r e a l l y i n t e r e s t i n g work. I do p a r t l y d e s i g n work i n the o f f i c e here on Vancouver I s l a n d , and p a r t l y l o c a t i n g work; the l a t t e r i n c l u d e s some crude s o i l t e s t i n g , and my g e o l o g y i s a l s o coming i n u s e f u l .

I'm w o r k i n g on the new C a r i b o o Highway, e v e n t u a l l y t o l i n k P r i n c e George w i t h t h e A l a s k a Highway. The work has now r e a c h e d Lac La Hache, and b e l i e v e me i t ' s p r e t t y rugged c o u n t r y . Thank God. I'm not up t h e r e now; l a s t n i g h t they r e p o r t e d i new r e c o r d low t e m p e r a t u r e of -72°F, j u s t 104° of frost'.Owing to t h i s l a s t week's b l i z z a r d a l l over the P r o v i n c e , i t may be weeks b e f . r e we can g e t out up t h e r e a g a i n . That's the c o u n t r y where the 3taff men c a r r i e s a .30-30 - ' t o keep the b e a r s from monkeying w i t h the t h e o d o l i t e when yo u ' r e not l o o k i n g !

THE RE-FORMED C & G TENNIS CLUB.

On Tuesday F e b r u a r y 2 1 s t the c l u b gave a f i l m show c o n s i s t i n g of t h r e e f i l m s . 1. How t o improve your T e n n i s . 2. Making a B a l l . , , 3 . Making a Racket .

T h i s was a new v e n t u r e and met w i t h c o n s i d e r a b l e s u p p o r t I n o r d e r t h a t as many peopl e as p o s s i b l e s h o u l d b e n e f i t by t h i s show,We extended an I n v i t a t i o n t o a l l I.C. and got an audience of 50- w h i c h was q u i t e e n c o u r a g i n g .

We p l a y e d our f i r s t match of the season l a s t S a t u r d a y (25th) - our o p p o s i t i o n b e i n g the I n s t i t u t e of E d u c a t i o n - whom we beat 6-3 .

D a v i d Dean ( C a p t a i n ) .

PROFILE: JANE.

Pop down E x h i b i t i o n Road a f t e r t h a t e a r l y l e c t u r e and j u s t beyond Cromwell Road you w i l l f i n d y o u r s e l f o u t s i d e 'Jane Browns'. E n t e r and yo u w i l l meet Jane, who w i l l g i v e you a d a z z l i n g s m i l e and a cup of c o f f e e (the l a t t e r c o s t s 4 d ) . Jane and her p a r l o u r have become an i n s t i t u t i o n w i t h I.C .men. Any morning a f t e r e l e v e n you w i l l f i n d t h e r e a c o t e r i e of I.C. c o f f e e b i b b e r s swopping y a r n s and. g o s s i p amidst the g e n e r a l hubbub of K e n s i n g t o n Dowagers and f a i r young t h i n g s . And i t s p o p u l a r i t y i s l a r g e l y due t o Jane h e r s e l f who1, w i t h a t o s s of h e r head and a wink i n her eye i s ready f o r a l l comers.

Of Jane we c o u l d w r i t e a t h r e e volum<- n o v e l . C o n t e n t i n g o u r s e l v e s w i t h t h i s page we may say t h a t she i s s i x f e e t of v e r y a g r e e a b l e b l o n d e , has b l u e eyes, d i m p l e s and a most d i s a r m i n g s m i l e . She bubb l e s over w i t h l i f e , a d m i t t e d t o b e i n g at home i n "a s l i g h t l y f r o t h y atmosphere", and proved h e r p o i n t by t a k i n g me to the Hoop and Toy f o r a p i n t . R e c l i n i n g a c i g a r e t t e ...i/ith the words " I ' v e no room l e f t f o r t h a t v i c e " , she proceeded t o u n r a v e l something of h e r c o l o u r f u l l i f e . She was bo r n at Bosham, Sussex of I r i s h and F r e n c h p a r e n t s , on a date between 1910 and 1930.Married-no l e s s t h a n t h r e e times (she has a daughter at s c h o o l ) she i s now a widow. "A merry widow", she la u g h e d , "and i t s such f u n " . Asked h e r views on men, h er eyes l i t up:"0h I t h i n k t h e y ' r e d e l i g h t f u l c r e a t u r e s -e s p e c i a l l y t h o s e b e a r d e d g i a n t s from your c o l l e g e " . A s f o r h er own sex she d i s l i k e s women M.P's and women i n a u t h o r i t y g e n e r a l l y . "Give me men as Men and. women as Women", she c oneluded.

D u r i n g the war Jane was w i t h the American Red Cross a l t e r n a t i n g t h r e e months r e a l l y h a r d work w i t h t h r e e months r e a l l y h a r d p l a y . We t e n t a t i v e l y wondered i f one of h e r husbands had been American b u t she f i r m l y quashed the I d e a , w i t h mock i n d i g n a t i o n . " T h e y were a l l t r u e b o r n E n g l i s h m e n " she announced, q u a f f i n g at some l e n g t h a t h e r p i n t as i f t o I l l u s t r a t e her answer. Jane has been w i t h "Jane Brown's" s i n c e l a s t October, and l i v e s i n Sou t h K e n s i n g t o n - q u i t e n e a r C o l l e g e . She r e l a t e d t h a t one e v e n i n g a student t e l e p h o n e d h e r (no numbers, no p a c k - d r i l l ) a s k i n g a f t e r rooms, s a y i n g t h a t the YMC had g i v e n him the number."Well you can imagine I was astounded," s a i d Jane," and I had t o t e l l him g e n t l y t h a t I was the l a s t p e r s o n w i t h whom the Young Men's C h r i s t i a n ' A s s o c i a t i o n would w i s h . t o p l a c e the w e l f a r e of t h e i r Young Men'."

Many w r i l l know Jane as the f e a r l e s s d r i v e r of the Y e l l o w T e r i l , her 1928 R o l l s Royce w h i c h may be seen about S o u t h K e n s i n g t o n . She i s a l i t t l e a n x i o u s l e s t the S c i e n c e Museum c a s t covetous eyes on i t . I t i s w h i s p e r e d t h a t i t runs on champagne and, knowing Jane, t h i s i s p r o b a b l y t r u e . She gave me a l i f t f r o m t h e pub. and drove me t o the end of P r i n c e Consort Read. I t r i e d - v a i n l y - t o open the door. Jane laughed " I s h o u l d have warned you- t h i s i s my p a t e n t man-trap". But she opened the doer f o r me and I escaped - r e l u c t a n t l y .

C.M.H.

P r o f . Levy spoke at- 'Pub P a r l i a m e n t ' h e l d l a s t week at S t . Pa u l s T a v e r n , E.C.I. H i s s u b j e c t was 'Is S c i e n c e i n Danger' and s a i d t h a t t h e r e was g r e a t i n t e r e s t and a l i v e l y d i s c u s s i o n . "There was a smack of the c o n t i n e n t a l atmosphere -whole f a m i l i e s were t h e r e , e v e r y t h i n g v e r y i n f o r m a l and f r i e n d l y . "As I spoke I was p l i e d w i t h b e e r - r a t h e r t oo much i n f a c t t"

Pub P a r l i a m e n t i s o r g a n i s e d by F i n s b u r y P u b l i c L i b r a r i e s . F r o f . Levy was e n t h u s i a s t i c about i t and f e l t t h a t the pub had an i m p o r t a n t p a r t t o o l a y i n i n t e g r a t i n g t he l i f e of s m a l l communities by p r o v i d i n g a f o c a l p o i n t f o r the exchange of i d e a s .

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F i r s t Year B a l 1 a d s .

The B o i l e r .

'Twas the eve of the g e n e r a l e l e c t i o n , The n a t i o n was f l o c k i n g t o p o l l F o r ant1d enat i o n a l i s a t i on, And more wages when out on. the d o l e ; When, f i v e of us c r e p t from the workshop, And b u i l t up a bonny g r e a t f i r e 'heath the tubes of a monstrous c o n t r a p t i o n : -A b o i l e r from L a n c a s h i r e .

The f i r s t r o s y l a d w i t h a barrow Made h i s way down a s t y g i a n h o l e , L i k e a c o n v i c t s e q u e s t e r e d at Dartmoor He p u l v e r i s e d l a r g e lumps of c o a l . Then he weighed l o t s of junk i n the barrow, L a b . r e p o r t s , s l i d e r u l e s as w e l l , Which, when mu.soularly f l i c k e d in. the f u r n a c e , B u r n t w i t h one h e l l of a ' s m e l l .

Young gormless was l o o s e d on a gadget, W i t h a p i p e w h i c h was shoved i n the f l u e , To measure the s i z e of the gas e s , And volumes of f r e s h CC^. He f i l l e d up the b o t t l e s q u i t e q u i c k l y , And emptied them s m a r t l y a g a i n , But the mercury f l o w e d t h r o u g h the U-tube, S e n d i n g twenty odd q u i d down the d r a i n .

Overhead on the b r i d g e of the o u t f i t , Was pumped the f r e s h water s u p p l y , But you had t o be quack w i t h the w e i g h i n g s Or e l s e the dear b o i l e r r a n d r y . What with, t a k i n g the temp, of the w a t e r s , D i v i d i n g the answer by h a l f , I t a l l grew so warm amid so cosy That the bods used, the tan k f o r a b a t h . And, f o r g e t t i n g the s t a t e of the b o i l e r , N e g l e c t i n g i t s True GUILDSMAN'S. T h i r s t ! W h i l e washing the t i p s of t h e i r t o o t s i e s , I r e g r e t t o i n f o r m you - IT BURST'.

Now, t h r e e of us have s h e e t s of f i g u r e s , R e l a t i n g t o f u e l and t o f l u e , But l a c k i n g i n m e n t a l r e f i n e m e n t , We s i m p l y j u s t haven''- a c l u e . So i f one of the w i z a r d s t h a t reads t h i s Has t e s t e d the b o i l e r l a s t y e a r , P l e a s e f o r w a r d y o u r l a b . book t o d a y , s i r ' . I n exchange f o r a tankard, of beer'.

"Umfaan."

T r a f a l g a r Boomalaka.

C o n g r a t u l a t i o n s t o the body of Guildsmen who r e c o r d e d a Boomalaka f o r p o s t e r i t y on E l e c t i o n N i g h t I n T r a f a l g a r Square .

THE DRINKING MAN'S GUIDE ^ LONDON.

"The Swan" . A p l e a s a n t f i f t e e n minutes s t r o l l a c r o s s the F a r k from

A l b e r t , b e a r i n g h a l f r i g h t at F h y s i c a l E n e r s y , b r i n g s one out i n the b a y s w a t e r Road, f i f t y y a r d s t o the Ea3t of "The Swan".

T h i s o l d c o a c h i n g house, e s t a b l i s h e d some f o u r hundred y e a r s ago, has a l t e r e d a l i t t l e ; i t s f r o n t a g e however i s unchanged and a v e r y e n j o y a b l e e v e n i n g can be spent here i n t h e Summer, s i t t i n g at the s m a l l t'- b3.es o u t s i d e i n the. C o n t i n e n t a l s t y l e , und-~-r a s t r i k e d awning hung w i t h p o t t e d f e r n .

There i s a p u b l i c and a s a l o o n b a r , the l a t t e r c o n t a i n i n g an e x c e l l e n t snack bar where g r i l l s , chops and sandwiches can be o b t a i n e d . Luncheons are served, i n the d i n i n g room.

T h i s i s a Vvatney house w i t h B i t t e r , M i l d XX. ahd B u r t o n K.K.K. at 1/4,1/1 and 1/7 i n the F u b l i c b a r and 1/5,1/3 and 1/8 I n the S a l o o n . v e r y p o t e n t and w o r t h w h i l e d r i n k here i s the Merrydown v i n t a g e c i d e r f o r which t h e y are famous t h i s i s 2/4 a p i n t draught and 2/9 b o t t l e d .

I n a d d i t i o n t o a squeeze box merchant o f I t a l i a n e x t r a c t i o n ( r e m o t e ) , one may o f t - n see c e l e b r i t i e s i n c l u d i n g p e n i s Compton, N o e l Coward and many f i l m s t a r s .

We s t r o n g l y recommend "The Swan" as an e x c e l l e n t Summer Pub. Roger B a r n e s .

John Hayward.

New Papers Reviewed.

l . " A n A n a l y t i c a l Approach to F r o t h Removal". by "X.K.G.F".B.Sc.(Hopes).

P r a c t i c a l l y a c q u i r e d . d a t a r e l a t i n g the mean e f f e c t i v e head of f r o t h and the maximum p e r m i s s i b l e a i r - b l a s t t o remove t h i s head has been a v a i l a b l e since f r o t h was f i r s t "blown". A more a n a l y t i c a l a p p r o a c h t o t h i s v i t a l problem h a s , however, been c o n s i s t e n t l y a v o i d e d by even the most a r d e n t l y s c i e n t i f i c p i n t - p r a n g e r s .

F o l l o w i n g up t h e work of such f a m i l i a r i n v e s t i g a t o r s as B i e r s a . u f e r , Karman and. Barman, the G l i d i n g Club e t c . the a u t h o r has p a r t i a l l y c o m p l e t e d a most comprehensive s u r v e y , a n a l y s i n g f a c t o r s a f f e c t i n g the v e l o c i t y and d i r e c t i o n of the f r o t h-blast.

E x a m i n i n g 3 1 e r s a u f e r ' s S p a t t e r i n g Curves ( c . f . " T r u c k des B e k a n n t e r s g e s i c h t n a s s z u m a c h - n b e n o t i g t " , i b i d ) a s u g g e s t i o n of p o l a r e x p o n e n t I a l l t y was o b s e r v e d i n t h e case of i c e d b e e r , p l o t t e d on e x p o n e n t i a l p o l a r c o o r d i n a t e s , an even more s u g g e s t i r e l y shaped curve was d e r i v e d . ( P h o t o s t a t c o p i e s are o b t a i n a b l e from the a u t h o r p r i c e d 2 / 6 ) .

Barman's Damping c o n s t a n t of 23 c u b i c r a d i o n s per neat nip per i n c h h e i g h t of f o o t - r a i l i s shown t o be i d e n t i c a l w i t h the s p e c i f i c g r a v i t y , when r e d u c e d t o comparable d i m e n s i o n s .

The G l i d i n g C l u b ' s s t a t i s t i c a l summary of p i n t s l o s t per i n c h of f r o t h , w h i c h was t r i u m p h a n t l y p r e s e n t e d a f t e r two y e a r s o f i n t e n s i v e work, i s shown c o n c l u s i v e l y t o be of academic i n t e r e s t o n l y , i f the i d e a l c o n d i t i o n , of f u l l - t o - t h e -b r i m can be a t t a i n e d .

The a u t h o r ends w i t h a lament- t h a t Government funds ( i s s u e d under the e x c l u s i v e F .E .T . Scheme) h a v i n g been e x h a u s t e d , no f u r t h e r p r o g r e s s i s p o s s i b l e b e f o r e 2 6 t h A p r i l 1950. T h i s , he v e r y d r y l y a s s e r t s , I s a h i n t . V e r y d r y l y .

XKGF.

The E d i t o r , F e l i x .

- 6 -

I GOT SUNK IN THE SINK.

I had t w e l v e b o t t l e s of whisky i n my c e l l a r , and my w i f e t o l d me t o empty the c o n t e n t s of each and every b o t t l e down the s i n k or e l s e l

So I s a i d I would, and proceeded w i t h the u n p l e a s a n t t a s k . I w ithdrew the c o r k from the f i r s t b o t t l e and poured the c o n t e n t s down the s i n k , w i t h the e x c e p t i o n of one g l a s s , which I drank. I e x t r a c t e d the cork from the second b o t t l e and d i d l i k e w i s e , w i t h the e x c e p t i o n of one g l a s s , w h i c h I drank. I withdrew the c o r k from the t h i r d , b o t t l e and emptied the good o l d Booze down the s i n k , except a g l a s s , w h i c h I drank. I p u l l e d the co r k from the f o u r t h s i n k and poured the b o t t l e down the g l a s s , w h i c h I drank. I p u l l e d the c o r k from the b o t t l e of the n e x t , and drank one s i n k of i t , and poured the r e s t down the g l a s s , I p u l l e d the s i n k out of the next g l a s s and poured the co r k down the b o t t l e . I p u l l e d the next cork out of my t h r o a t and poured the s i n k down the b o t t l e , and drank the g l a s s . Then I c o r k e d the s i n k w i t h the g l a s s , b o t t l e d the d r i n k , and drank the pour. When I had e v e r y t h i n g e m o t i e d , I s t e a d i e d the house with, one hand, and counted-the b o t t l e s and c o r k s and g l a s s e s w i t h the o t h e r , w h i c h were twenty n i n e . T o be s u r e , I c o u n t e d them a g a i n when they came by and I had s e v e n t y f o u r . As the house came by, I counted, them a g a i n , and I f i n a l l y had a l l the b o t t l e s and c o r k s and g l a s s e s and houses co u n t e d except one house and a b o t t l e , w h i c h I drank.

Author UNKNOWN.

The M a t h e m a t i c i a n ' s C o u r t s h i p .

L e t x denote Beauty; y, Manners w e l l - b r e d ; z, F o r t u n e - ( T h i s l a s t i s e s s e n t i a l ) . L e t L s t a n d f o r Love, our P h i l o s o p h e r s a i d , Then L i s a f u n c t i o n of x, y, and z, Of the k i n d t h a t i s known as p o t e n t i a l . Now i n t e g r a t e L w i t h r e s p e c t t o d t , ( t s t a n d i n g f o r time and p e r s u a s i o n ) Then, w i t h i n p r o p e r l i m i t s , ' t i s easy t o see, The d e f i n i t e i n t e g r a l M a r r i a g e must be. (A v e r y c o n c i s e d e m o n s t r a t i o n ) .

RADIO SOCIETY.

There has been a rumour t h a t the w i r e s on t h e r o o f of the New H o s t e l have been e r e c t e d t o t a k e i n the H o s t e l d i r t y w a s h i n g . Upon i n v e s t i g a t i o n , however, we f i n a t h a t the Ra d i o S o c i e t y has been busy, and a new a e r i a l i s o n l y one of the many a s p e c t s of t h i s y e a r ' s a c t i v i t i e s , p a r t i c u l a r l y i n t h e 'Shack', w h i c h came t o a c l i m a x l a s t Monday i n t h e Ann u a l P r e s i d e n t i a l Address and D i n n e r .

The Address g i v e n by T.E.Goldup, M.I.E.E. of the M u l l a r d V a l v e Go. on the s u b j e c t of the 'Graduate's A b s o r p t i o n i n t o I n d u s t r y ' was crammed f u l l of i n f o r m a t i o n - i f h a l f the notes t a k e n by s e v e r a l a n x i o u s t h i r d - y e a r s t u d e n t s are u s e d , they s h o u l d be i n the f o u r - f i g u r e c l a s s by nex t F e b r u a r y at the l a t e s t L .

The D i n n e r was a s u c c e s s - a t l e a s t , as much as your r e p o r t e r c o u l d remember, f o r the l i q u i d r e f r e s h m e n t d i d not ru n out t i l l l o n g a f t e r the tumult i f not the s h o u t i n g , had d i e d . The . oa.ptai i.s and k i n g s of i n d u s t r y had d e p a r t e d by

- 7 -t h e n , though t h e r e had heen so many of them t h a t the S t a f f o n l y saw the Top Tab l e from a f a r . - But one of t h e i r number, a thermo-dynamic s t r a n g e r from the Mech. Eng. was c e r t a i n l y n o t mourning i n the w i l d e r n e s s - h i s performance was more on the l i n e s of E l e c t r a l

A f t e r - D i n n e r speeches are u s u a l l y monotonous, but t h i s g a t h e r i n g gave us an e v e n i n g r e m i n i s c e n t more of the L i g h t t h a n the T h i r d programme - p o s s i b l y due t o the f a c t t h a t each speaker had a new s t o r y - two of them b e i n g the samel P a r t i c u l a r m e n t i o n s h o u l d be made of the Chairman's T o a s t to the V i s i t o r s , w h i c h was r e m a r k a b l e not o n l y f o r I t s q u a l i t y , but a.la.b f o r the f a c t t h a t he spoke e n t i r e l y w i t h o u t n o t e s . But t h e n , we know where he spent the morning, l e a r n i n g them by the y a r d .

Taken a l l r o u n d , the e v e n i n g was a GOCD t h i n g . We must have more of them.

J.R.H. A f t e r - T h o u g h t . The R a d i o S o c i e t y r e g r e t t h a t Reg. Green s h o u l d appear so o f t e n on the L i g h t Programme, and a r e d o i n g a l l t h e y can t o suppress h i m.

WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON AT FULWELL G.C.

Many members of I.C. a re t a k i n g up the r o y a l and a n c i e n t game of g o l f . I w o u l d j u s t l i k e t o g i v e - y o u a b r i e f c r o s s s e c t i o n of the I . C . G o l f A s s o c i a t i o n t y p e s .

F i r s t we have the e x p e r t s . These a re few and f a r between but th o s e we do have i n c a p t i v i t y a r e r i d i c u l o u s p eople who never make m i s t a k e s . They a r r i v e back at the c l u b ­house h a v i n g gone round i n about 70 s t r o k e s w i t h o u t l o s i n g a s i n g l e b a l l . They d r i v e p r o d i g i o u s d i s t a n c e s and t h e n l e t i t s l i p out q u i t e c a s u a l l y t h a t t h e y were d r i v i n g w i t h a s h o r t -s h a f t e d spoon.

We have a n o t h e r t y p e of member who h i t s t he b a l l a l o n g way the d i r e c t i o n o f t e n l e a v i n g something t o be d e s i r e d .

The e i g h t h h o l e a t F u l w e l l i s a l o n g h o l e i n t o t he p r e v a i l i n g w i n d and p a r a l l e l t o the main r o a d on the r i g h t . So f a r , I.C. has a bag of two b u s e s , one l o r r y , one window and two t e l e v i s i o n a e r i a l s . (We a l s o got an engine d r i v e r at the f i r s t h o l e ) . The l o c a l i n h a b i t a n t s now put up s h u t t e r s when a c e r t a i n member i s seen on t h e t e e . S h o u l d t h e y f a i l t o n o t i c e him, they soon d i s c o v e r h i s p r e s e n c e when they hear a s w i s h i n g n o i s e f o l l o w e d by a c r a s h i n the ne i g h b o u r h o o d of t h e i r green-house. They t a k e t h i s as an immediate s i g n a l t o c over as they know fr o m e x p e r i e n c e t h a t the p l a y e r i s second d r i v e w i l l be a l o n g s h o r t l y .

I t i s a v e r y s i m p l e m a t t e r t o p i c k out the C i v i l e n g i n e e r s and M i n e r s among u s . They l o s e no o p p o r t u n i t y of p r a c t i s i n g t h e i r p r o f e s s i o n as t h e y go round the c o u r s e .

We have one f u g i t i v e f r o m the Hockey c l u b on o c c a s i o n a l Wednesdays and i t always seems r e m a r k a b l e t o us t h a t he can never keep h i s hockey s t i c k below s h o u l d e r l e v e l or t h a t he can never get h i s g o l f c l u b above h i s s h o u l d e r on the back-swing .

L o o k i n g a c r o s s the c o u r s e we see i n the d i s t a n c e members of the c o l l e g e who, j u d g i n g by t h e i r a c t i o n s , seem t o have come a c r o s s a c o l o n y of snakes and i n one c o r n e r of the s i x t h f a i r w a y t h r e e b e g i n n e r members can be seen h a v i n g l e s s o n s from the p r o f e s s i o n a l . These l e s s o n s have been g o i n g on now f o r some months and i t i s e x p e c t e d t h a t when th e y e v e n t u a l l y d e c i d e t o p l a y t h e i r f i r s t r o und, t h e y w i l l w a lk o f f w i t h the two I.C. cups and a l l t h e beer money of t h e o t h e r membe r s .

On t h e whole, we a r e a happy crowd on Wednesdays and g i v e n p l e n t y of spare time t h i s y e a r , we are h o p i n g t o put I.C. w e l l i n t o t h e ~hA - r e r e i t y G o l f j.-J c t u r e .

Bogey?-Man

I.C. BRAVES THE FLOODS. - 8 -

The sun shone k i n d l y on a s w i f t f l o w i n g Thames the weekend b e f o r e l a s t , when the Boat Club's f i r s t two e i g h t s rowed up from Putney t o Sunbury and back, accompanied on the bank by t h e i r coaches, C h a r l e s Bristow. and Derek Coomber.

The j o u r n e y upstream on the S a t u r d a y was w i t h o u t much i n c i d e n t . The f i r s t V I I I had two attempts b e f o r e s a f e l y n a v i g a t i n g the narrow arches of Richmond B r i d g e and t h e coaches s t r u g g l e d m a n f u l l y i n and out of the p o t h o l e s on the tow-path between Richmond and Twickenham.

A welcome break f o r " e l e v e n s e s " at K i n g s t o n e n a b l e d weary oarsmen t o s t r e t c h cramped l i m b s and compare b l i s t e r s .

Sunbury was r e a c h e d some f i v e hours a f t e r l e a v i n g Putney. W h i l e o n l y about 20 m i l e s by the map i t was reckoned t h a t the boats had. t r a v e l l e d n e a r e r 40 t h r o u g h the w a t e r , owing t o the s w i f t n e s s of the c u r r e n t .

* r e m a r k a b l y f i n e l u n c h was p r o v i d e d by the "Magpie" at Sunbury. The d i s c o v e r y t h a t W i l l i a m Younger's N o . l S c o t c h A l e was s o l d t h e r e n e a r l y wrecked the crews' t r a i n i n g programme, a f t e r l u n c h the crews p a d d l e d back t o Molesey w i t h c o n s i d e r a b l e s p i r i t and., i n d e e d , were b a r e l y r e s t r a i n e d by t h e i r coaches from r o w i n g s t r a i g h t over the w e i r . As i t was, t h e r e were s ome a n x i o u s moments d u r i n g w h i c h boat s and f i s h i n g l i n e s because c u r i o u s l y i n v o l v e d , and remarks were passed between a n g l e r s and coaches w h i c h would have done j u s t i c e - t o an e l e c t i o n m e e t i n g .

The boat s were l e f t f o r the n i g h t at Molesey Rowing Club's b o a t h o u s e . Thanks, Molesey .

The crews r e a s s e m b l e d s t i f f l y on Sunday morning and rowed upstream t o t h e Magpie f o r a l u n c h w h i c h , i f p o s s i b l e , was b e t t e r than S a t u r d a y ' s . The Magpie s o l d out o f Younger's N o . l d u r i n g l u n c h .

The r e t u r n j o u r n e y , w i t h the s t r e am , t a x e d the coaches' p e d a l l i n g powers t o the l i m i t . I n f a c t , a f t e r l e a v i n g Twickenham where t h e r e was a pause f o r t e a , the coaches l o s t the crews e n t i r e l y and i t was o n l y a f t e r a phenomenal d i s p l a y of s p r i n t c y c l i n g t h a t they caught up w i t h t h e second V I I I at C h i s w i c k , w h i l e t h e y never saw the f i r s t V I I I a t a l l .

The t r i p was completed under cover of d a r k n e s s , g i v i n g the oarsmen a most i m p r e s s i v e , but q u i t e s p u r i o u s , i m p r e s s i o n of g r e a t speed, b a f f l i n g the coaches, and annoying a P o l i c e l a u n c h w h i c h commented a c i d l y on the l a c k of n a v i g a t i o n l i g h t s .

There were, however, no c o l l i s i o n s , and the crews r e t u r n e d s a f e l y t o the boathouse t o r e v e l in. hot showers and e l a s t o p l a s t . F o o t n o t e .

Members of the U n i o n showing g r e a t r e l u c t a n c e t o assume a s i t t i n g p o s i t i o n do not n e c e s s a r i l y b e l o n g t o the R i d i n g C lub.

March March March March March March March

3 r d 5 t h 7 6 t h 5 8 t h 9 t h 1 0 th 14th 15 t h 16th 14t h

IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION DIARY Chemical S o c i e t y Annual D i n n e r

March

March 17th

.30

.15 F i l m

t! S o c i e t y , M i x e d

ti it Programme,New Lounge

" M i n i n g T h e a t r e

15

Rugby F.C. D i n n e r N a t u r a l H i s t o r y S o c i e t y Dinner R e s i d e n t ' s D i n n e r and Dance P h o t o g r a p h i c S o c i e t y E x h i b i t i o n

Gymnasium

R a i l w a y S o c i e t y T a l k i n Room N.26 " A c c i d e n t s and t h e i r i n f l u e n c e on ROYAL SCHOOL OF MINES CaRNIVAL

" M e r r i e England"

C & G s i g n a l l i n g "

- 9 _

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR. P l e a s e keep your l e t t e r s ' as br'ffif? as p o s s i b l e - E d i t o r .

I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n , South K e n s i n g t o n , S.W.7.

14 t h , F e b r u a r y , 1950 Dear S i r ,

I am asked by the Fhoenix Board t o seek space i n your columns f o r a g e n e r a l p l e a t o the o f f i c e r s of a l l c l u b s and s o c i e t i e s t o see t h a t accounts of t h e i r s e v e r a l a c t i v i t i e s a r e made a v a i l a b l e t o t h a t v e n e r a b l e b i r d .

F o r the most p a r t t e r m i n a l summaries would s u f f i c e t o e n s h r i n e your memory: but i f o u t s t a n d i n g events ( f o r example the Judo Club's t e l e v i s i n g ) are not s e t down i m m e d i a t e l y t h o s e t r i v i a l d e t a i l s , w h i c h are i n f a c t so i m p o r t a n t t o l e n d humour and humanity t o an o t h e r w i s e b a l d and u n c o n v i n c i n g n a r r a t i v e , become l o s t w i t h o u t t r a c e , submerged i n the neighbourhood of the b a r .

The "Phoenix Review" of the y e a r i s t o be on s a l e at the R e c t o r ' s Tea on the Monday p r e c e e d i n g the f i r s t day of next s e s s i o n . T h e r e i n l i e s the golden o p p o r t u n i t y t o c a t c h the " f l o a t i n g f r e s h e r " w i t h the e p i c b a i t of your r e c o r d t o p o s t e r i t y - i f you f o l l o w me 1

A permanent r e c o r d has been l o n g l a c k e d by the U n i o n . I f we are t o have one i t s h o u l d c e r t a i n l y be as complete as i s p o s s i b l e . But what the Phoenix has not been t o l d , the Phoenix cannot p r e s e r v e and. r e t e l l .

Y o urs s i n c e r e l y ,

A.V.S.de Reuck. E d i t o r " P h o e n i x " .

51, Woodland D r i v e , W a t f o r d ,

H e r t s . 2 4 t h , F e b r u a r y , 1 9 5 0 .

S i r . B e i n g o u r s e l v e s keen a d d i c t s of D i x i e l a n d m usic, and

h a v i n g h e a r d t h a t I.C. possessed a t r a d i t i o n a l s t y l e J a z z Club as r e c e n t l y as 1 9 4 6 ( s i c ) , we are c o n t e m p l a t i n g the r e f o r m a t i o n of such a Club w i t h i n the C o l l e g e .

Of c o u r s e , we would l i k e t o have some i d e a , i n advance, of our p r o s p e c t i v e s u p p o r t , e s p e c i a l l y as we must have a c e r t a i n numbers of s u p p o r t e r s b e f o r e we can. approach the S o c i a l Clubs Committee f o r r e c o g n i t i o n .

Would any r e a d e r i n t e r e s t e d i n , a n d w i l l i n g t o s u p p o r t , our v e n t u r e p l e a s e drop a note t o t h a t e f f e c t i n e i t h e r of our r a c k s .

Y o u r s ,

P e t e r G. T a y l o r , Derek Hughes.

R.C.S.

10 -

R o y a l C o l l e g e of S c i e n c e . 27-2-50.

The E d i t o r , " F e l i x " . Dear S i r ,

I s h o u l d l i k e t o o f f e r some comment on your l a t e s t E d i t o r i a l , by t r y i n g t o put the case f o r some of the poor "10 t i l l 5" men."

Many S t u d e n t s l i v e at home, because of the h i g h c o s t of l o d g i n g s n e a r e r C o l l e g e . I n consequence they spend s e v e r a l hours a day t r a v e l l i n g , time w h i c h more f o r t u n a t e people can spend e n j o y i n g C o l l e g e Club f a c i l i t i e s . L e a v i n g I.C. at 5 may j u s t a l l o w a meal by 7, and a s t a r t on " s o a k i n g up more S c i e n c e " by S o ' c l o a k .

B r i e f l y , the t i r e d S t udent f a i l s t o u n d e r s t a n d l e c t u r e s , and g e t s more t i r e d t r y i n g t o " s o r t them out" at home.-Non-s c i e n t i f i c p u r s u i t s are n e g l e c t e d under t h r e a t of the a l l -i m p o r t a n t e x a m i n a t i o n s . The o n l y r e a l cure f o r t h i s type of "day s t u d e n t " i s , as you say, more H o s t e l accomodation. U n l e s s and u n t i l t h i s can be p r o v i d e d , I.C. i s b e t t e r d e s c r i b e d as a " T e c h n i c a l C o l l e g e " than as p a r t of a U n i v e r s i t y .

C o n v e r s e l y , P e t e r T a y l o r ' s remarks a p p l y more t o H o s t e l r e s i d e n t s than t o o t h e r s . W h i l s t a g r e e i n g w i t h most of h i s s u g g e s t i o n s , might I prooose t h a t the i d e a l s o l u t i o n t o the problem of f o s t e r i n g f u l l C o l l e g e u n i t y , w i t h o u t i m p o s i n g a narrow o u t l o o k , would be H o s t e l s i n w h i c h S t u d e n t s from s e v e r a l C o l l e g e s and F a c u l t i e s c o u l d l i v e t o g e t h e r .

• Yours f a i t h f u l l y ,

"Non-Resident"

ADVERTISEMENTS.

LOST. From I.C. Union on 3 1 s t . J a n . l i g h t brown l e a t h e r d i s p a t c h case 16x14x4 w i t h two l a r g e p o c k e t s . A l s o q u a n t i t y of h i g h l y p r i z e d n o t e s . HEARTBROKEN(D.V.Parker), I . C . H o s t e l . BICYCLE. F or s a l e - w o r t h about £6. A l s o t e n n i s r a c q u e t , p r e s s and squash r a c q u e t p r e s s . Seen at Union'bv arrangement w i t h P.I .TOONI, o i l 4, R.S .M.

QUESTIONS are needed f o r the I.C. Annual B r a i n s T r u s t t o be h e l d on 7 t h , March i n the ,Gym. They s h o u l d be sent t o Hon. Sec. L i t . & Deb. Soc. t h r o u g h the Union r a c k - as many and as soon as p o s s i b l e p l e a s e . FOUND: at the R.C.S. C a r n i v a l a l a d y ' s b r a c e l e t . Owner or owner's owner a p p l y S e c . R.C.S. U n i o n . UNCLAIMED: F i r s t P r i z e i n R.C.S. C a r n i v a l R a f f l e . W i n n i n g t i c k e t - n u m b e r _ f i v e , c o l o u r b l u e . Winner a p p l y Sec. R.C.S. Uni on.

I.C.W.A. ANNUaL DINNER.

A d e l i g h t f u l p a r t y was g i v e n by I.C.W.A. on V a l e n t i n e p l u s - one n i g h t . The g u e s t s , i n c l u d i n g M i s s Anona Winn and s e l e c t e d males, were g r e e t e d w i t h p o r t and s h e r r y and u s h e r e d i n t o t h e d i n i n g room, where d i s h e s b e a r i n g e x t r a o r d i n a r y names appeared on the t a b l e . They were soon i d e n t i f i e d as soup, b o i l e d f i s h , spuds and veg., but a l l q u i t e n i c e none the l e s s .

F o r t u n a t e l y speeches v/ere few and good,, t h a t of the

- .11 -

p r e s i d e n t , M i s s Joyce Lee, b e i n g o u t s t a n d i n g , I n a few. v i g o r o u s words we were made t o f e e l how v e r y l u c k y we were t o have i n I.C. those few I.C.W.Aniens n e s t i n g i n the h o s t e l ; I.C.W.Arium.

D i n n e r was f o l l o w e d by d a n c i n g , and we g r e a t l y e n j o y e d * h a v i n g p l e n t y , of room on the f l o o r - a r a r e t h i n g i n our gym. When a f t e r many beers and innumerable p o l k a s we had t o say goodbye t o our h o s t e s s e s , we a l l f i r m l y b e l i e v e d • t h a t women s h o u l d be g i v e n a g r e a t e r chance t o study S c i e n c e and Te c h n o l o g y .

J.Bz.

H^KEY. Wed. Feb. 1 5 t h . C & CI v Borough Rd. D.3-3 C & GII v I n n s ~ o f Court P.3-3

Sat .Feb. 18th I.C.I v St.Georges Coll.W.4-1 I . C . I I v "~ ' " , .W.5-1 I . C.I I I v Mas on i an A t h . W.7-3

RESULTS

RUGBY Wed.Feb .15th RSM I v U.C. RSM 'A' v UC 'A'

.11-5

.31-5

Sat .Feb ,18th I.C.I v St.Mary's C o l l . W.13-8 I . C . l s t

� � � v L.S.E. W.17-5

I.C.2nd'A' v P i n n e r 'A' W.2C-0

I . C . l s t E x � � � v B o r d e r e r s ' A' L5-14 I.C.2ndEx'A' v S l o u c h Ex'A' LO-9

SOCCER- Wed.Feb ..15th RCS v LSE I I L.2-3

. Sat.Feb 1 8 t h I.C . I . v N.E.G. L . l - 2

Wed.Feb ,22nd. RCS v U.C.R. W.4-1 RSM v RNC I I ' W.3-2

Sat .Feb .25th I.C.I v St.Cath.(Camb) W.3-1 I ,C . I I v " " " W.4-2 I . C . I I I v Hayes L.3-5

Wed.Feb.22nd. C & G I v W e s t . . C o l l . L.3-8 C & G Ex'A' v West . C o l l . L . 3 - 2 1 RSM I v E x e t e r C o l l .

(Oxford) W.8-3 RSM 'A' v C & G 'A' W.6-3

Sat.Fe b .25th I.C.I v P i n n e r W.19-0 I . C . l s t ' A ' v B a t t e r s e a

P o l y . L.0-8 I.C.2nd'A' v O l d L u t o n i a n s

L.6-15 I . C . l s t E x ' A ' v Va n d a l s W.21-0 I.C.2ndEx'A' v Old Haberdashers

tat w 2 0 - 0

Wed.Feb .22nd I.C.I v G o l d s m i t h s (UL Cup)

L 0-2 RCS v RCA W 3-1

Sat .Feb.25th I.C.I v Borough Rd. L . l - 4

HOCKEY CUP. At l a s t , I.C. have won~the~ Cup - and w i t h o u t ' a , g o a l a g a i n s t

them i n a Cup Match- by b e a t i n g U.C. 2-0 on Wednesday. Space ' p r e v e n t s a f u l l a c c o u n t , w h i c h w i l l appear i n the next i s s u e .

UNIVERSITY SOCCER CUP SEMI-FINA L REPLAY. Go l d s m i t h ' s C o l l e g e 2 I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e 0.

R e g r e t f u l l y i t has t o be r e c o r d e d t h a t I.C.have y i e l d e d the Cup won l a s t y e a r - i n the s e m i - f i n a l . O n Wednesday 22nd F e b r u a r y t h e t-wo teams met f o r t h e second t i m e ; a 1-1 draw was the f i r s t r e s u l t . B o t h G o l d s m i t h ' s g o a l s came i n the f i r s t h a l f due t o t h e i r b e t t e r m i d - f i e l d p l a y ; i n the second h a l f , I . C . stormed the oppos i n g p e n a l t y area,and one cannot h e l p f e e l i n g t h a t I.C. s h o u l d have s c o r e d at l e a s t one g o a l .