How to pretend you know soccer

How to pretend you know soccer.Useful tips for going to a World Cup party and not looking like an idiot.

By: Devesh Khanal deveshdesign.com/blog

Here’s the problem…

You were invited to a World Cup party

We’re here to help.

You were invited to a World Cup party

But you have no idea how soccer works

We’re here to help.

Like this girl

We’re here to help.

Like this girl

We’re here to help.

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We’re here to help.

How to Watch the World Cup (And not look like an idiot)

1. The Field Memorize this.

11 players per team

Try to kick the ball in the other team’s goal

Don’t kick it out of bounds

(or the other team gets it)

1. The Rules Not all, just enough to get by.

You can kick it.

Or use your head.

Just not your hands.

Just not your hands.

Cute. But not legal.

Except the goalie

Only 1 per team

2. Your Phrases This is the part you’ve been waiting for…

Say these things to sound like you know what you’re talking about.

1. “Cross it!”

“He should’ve crossed it!”

“Cross it!”“Cross the damn ball!”

Good things don’t happen on the sideline, they happen in front of the goal.

“He should’ve crossed it!”

“Cross it!”“Cross the damn ball!”

So when a player brings the ball up the sideline, yell “Cross it!”.

Good things don’t happen on the sideline, they happen in front of the goal.

“He should’ve crossed it!”

“Cross it!”“Cross the damn ball!”

So when a player brings the ball up the sideline, yell “Cross it!”.

Good things don’t happen on the sideline, they happen in front of the goal.

99% of the time you’ll be right and you’ll like a pro.

2. “That might’ve been offsides”

If your teammate passes it to you, you can’t be closer to their goal than everyone else

(non-goalie players) on their team. !

This is called being “offsides.”

Everyone loves to complain about bad offsides calls.

Here’s the thing: It’s always close.

“He should’ve crossed it!”

“Cross it!”“Cross the damn ball!”

Close

“He should’ve crossed it!”

“Cross it!”“Cross the damn ball!”

So just say “Hmm…that looked awfully close to offsides there….”

“He should’ve crossed it!”

“Cross it!”“Cross the damn ball!”

99% of the time you’ll be right.

So just say “Hmm…that looked awfully close to offsides there….”

“He should’ve crossed it!”

“Cross it!”“Cross the damn ball!”

99% of the time you’ll be right.

Lively discussion will ensue.

So just say “Hmm…that looked awfully close to offsides there….”

“He should’ve crossed it!”

“Cross it!”“Cross the damn ball!”

99% of the time you’ll be right.

Lively discussion will ensue.

Discuss.

So just say “Hmm…that looked awfully close to offsides there….”

2. “Man, if Messi had that chance…”

Lionel Messi is the Lebron of soccer right now.

If some other guy screws up, compare the screw up to Messi.

99% of the time you’ll be right. Messi could have done it better.

3. “Joga bonito”

Joga bonito means “beautiful game” in Portuguese and is something Pele, a

soccer legend said.

Use it when someone makes a great play.

Warning This is an advanced maneuver and used incorrectly can make you look

like a poser.

In fact, even when used correctly it can make you look like a poser.

So guage the audience carefully.

You’re looking for this crowd.

But from any country.

4. “Futbol…oops, I meant soccer”

The rest of the world calls it “futbol” or “football”.

The rest of the world calls it “futbol” or “football”.

Let that accidentally slip from your mouth.

The rest of the world calls it “futbol” or “football”.

Let that accidentally slip from your mouth.

And see what happens.

Good luck.

Learn how to make great presentations at deveshdesign.com/blog !

Twitter: @deveshkhanal Mail: [email protected]

Photo CreditsFootball party: flickr.com/boltron/ FC stadium shot: flickr.com/photos/phirue/ Kid kicking: flickr.com/photos/celinesphotographer/ Ball in face: flickr.com/photos/zachstern/ Kid hands: flickr.com/photos/chipgriffin/ Goalie: flickr.com/photos/vegaseddie Cross: flickr.com/photos/radimersky/ Messi: flickr.com/photos/krister462/ Brazil fans: flickr.com/photos/peterfuchs Country colors: flickr.com/photos/franzlife/