How To Foster and Develop Strong Relationships to Propel Your Career to New Levels PRESENTED BY: Aileen Ellis, PgMP, PMP AME Group Inc. - PMI-REP Date: April 2015 Location: Denver Colorado
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How To Foster and Develop Strong
Relationships to Propel Your Career to New
Levels
PRESENTED BY: Aileen Ellis, PgMP, PMP
AME Group Inc. - PMI-REP
Date: April 2015
Location: Denver Colorado
1. Meet with people they already know
-Strengthen current relationships
2. Meet new people
-Build new relationships
3. Learn more about topics that interest them
4. Learn about new topics
13. Hear the speakers
Why do people attend
conferences?
What makes for a strong
relationship? - If we get to choose we choose to spend
time with people who make us feel good
about ourselves, people who increase our
self-worth
The Universal Motivation
Every person wants to experience a sense
of self-worth.
Self worth can come from:
One’s self – being valued by yourself
Others – being valued by others
…for the things for which you want
to be valued.
Objectives for This Afternoon
Building Strong Relationships…
What makes us feel good
What makes others feel good
What gets in the way of positive relationships
Start Building and Strengthening
Relationships
Here and Now with the people in the room
Guideline: you may only partner with an
individual once. Each activity we need to
change partners.
Personal Strengths
A personal strength is a behavior
used to enhance the self-worth
of one’s self and others.
Personal strengths make us feel good
about ourselves and others feel good
about themselves.
Activity
Strength
Management
Find your top 5 strengths in the on the sheet in front of you and circle them. Remember a strength is a behavior that enhances your self-worth (it makes you feel good about yourself) when you are freely allowed to use the strength.
Activity
Get up,
mingle and
trade cards.
You have 5 cards….
Everyone else has 5 cards...
5 Card Game
The goal: each of us end up
with 5 cards that make us feel
really good about ourselves
(that bring us self-worth).
Guideline: you cannot
exchange more than one card
with an individual
Relating Styles
Valued Relating Style:
a style of relating where a person feels
free to choose behavior that enhances
self-worth.
Activity
Find a partner
where you and
your partner
have at least
one personal
strength
(behavior) in
common.
What is important to you about
being ….
How do you feel when others
are…..
Behavior(s) in common
How do you feel when others
are too….
Reverse roles.
Activity
Find a partner
where you and
your partner
have no
personal
strengths
(behaviors) in
common.
What is important to you about
being ….
How do you feel when others
are…..
Behavior(s) not in common
How do you feel when others
are too….
Reverse roles.
Motivational
Values
Perception
of Situation
Behavior
Choice
Result
Start
Do
es
th
e a
ctu
al re
su
lt
co
nfi
rm s
elf
-wo
rth
?
Does the behavior
confirm self-worth?
Valued
Relating Style
YE
S
YES NO N
O
Do
es
th
e in
ten
de
d r
es
ult
co
nfi
rm s
elf
-wo
rth
?
Self-Worth Model
Activity Take out a pen or pencil and
write your name fast 3 times.
Place pen in other hand
because you are carrying a
tray of food. Now write your
name 3 times fast again.
Relating Styles
Borrowed Relating Style:
a style of relating which is intended to
achieve a desired outcome, where the
behavior itself does not enhance
self-worth.
Activity
Find a partner
where you and
your partner
have no
personal
strengths
(behaviors) in
common.
Give your partner an example of
when you used one of their
behaviors to achieve a desired
outcome ….
(you are describing when you borrowed one of their behaviors)
Behavior(s) not in common
Reverse roles and have them
give an example with one of
your behaviors.
Motivational
Values
Perception
of Situation
Behavior
Choice
Result
Start
Do
es
th
e a
ctu
al re
su
lt
co
nfi
rm s
elf
-wo
rth
?
Does the behavior
confirm self-worth?
Borrowed
Relating Style
YE
S
YES NO N
O
Do
es
th
e in
ten
de
d r
es
ult
co
nfi
rm s
elf
-wo
rth
?
Self-Worth Model
Activity Take out a pen or pencil
Place pen in other hand
because you have broken your
arm. What would happen
when you write your name?
How is this different than when
you were carrying a tray?
Relating Styles
Mask Relating Style:
a style of relating that feels imposed
and does not increase self-worth.
We use these behaviors to survive a
situation.
Activity
Find a partner
where you and
your partner
have no
personal
strengths
(behaviors) in
common.
Give your partner an example of
when you used one of their
behaviors to survive a situation
(you are describing when you masked one of their behaviors)
Behavior(s) not in common
Reverse roles and have them
give an example with one of
your behaviors.
Motivational
Values
Perception
of Situation
Behavior
Choice
Result
Start
Do
es
th
e a
ctu
al re
su
lt
co
nfi
rm s
elf
-wo
rth
?
Does the behavior
confirm self-worth?
Mask
Relating Style
YE
S
YES NO N
O
Do
es
th
e in
ten
de
d r
es
ult
co
nfi
rm s
elf
-wo
rth
?
Self-Worth Model
Relating Styles
Mask Relating Style:
Prolonged “masking” can lead to increased
stress and severe medical conditions.
Relating Styles
Valued Relating Style: a style of relating where a person feels free to choose behavior that
enhances self-worth.
Borrowed Relating Style: a style of relating which is intended to achieve achieve a
desired outcome, where the behavior itself does not enhance
self-worth.
Mask Relating Style: a style of relating that feels imposed and does not increase self-
worth.
We use these behaviors to survive a situation.
Colors
Altruistic-Nurturing
Assertive-Directing
Analytic-Autotomizing
Flexible-Cohering
Colors
Behavior
Motivation Motivational Value
SystemTM (MVS)
Overdone Strengths
An overdone strength is a behavior
intended as a strength, which is
perceived negatively by you or others
…and decreases the probability of
positive relationships.
OVERDONE STRENGTHS
Self Confident
Arrogant
Competitive
Combative
OVERDONE STRENGTHS
Trusting
Gullible
Caring
Submissive
OVERDONE STRENGTHS
Cautious
Suspicious
Methodical
Rigid
OVERDONE STRENGTHS
Adaptable
Spineless
Tolerant
Uncaring
OVERDONE STRENGTHS Self Confident
Arrogant
Competitive
Combative
Trusting
Gullible
Caring
Submissive
Cautious
Suspicious
Methodical
Rigid
Adaptable
Spineless
Tolerant
Uncaring
Managers on
average,
spend 30% of
their time
dealing with
conflict.
thomas, K. & Schmidt, W. A surcey of managerial interests with respect to conflict. Academy of Management
Journal
Activity Select one of your Overdone Strengths that has led to conflict.
Describe an example where you used this strength too often (frequency) and it led to conflict? Describe what you are hoping to accomplish when you overdo this strength. Describe the impact you have on others when you overdo this strength. Next time you are at risk of overdoing this strength, what might you do differently?
Activity Select one of your Overdone Strengths that has led to conflict.
Describe an example where you used this strength too long (duration) and it led to conflict? Describe what you are hoping to accomplish when you overdo this strength. Describe the impact you have on others when you overdo this strength. Next time you are at risk of overdoing this strength, what might you do differently?
Activity Select one of your Overdone Strengths that has led to conflict.
Describe an example where you used this strength too strongly (intensity) and it led to conflict? Describe what you are hoping to accomplish when you overdo this strength. Describe the impact you have on others when you overdo this strength. Next time you are at risk of overdoing this strength, what might you do differently?
Activity Select one of your Overdone Strengths that has led to conflict.
Describe an example where you used this strength in the wrong situation (context) and it led to conflict? Describe what you are hoping to accomplish when you overdo this strength. Describe the impact you have on others when you overdo this strength. Next time you are at risk of overdoing this strength, what might you do differently?
Overdone Strength Variables
Strengths can
be overdone in: F Frequency
D Duration
I Intensity
C Context
Summary of Overdone Strengths
We may overdo or misapply some of our strengths
We may deny self-worth to ourselves and others by overdoing strengths
We can prevent some conflict by increasing our awareness and making better choices
Motivational
Values
Perception
of Situation
Behavior
Choice
Result
Start
Do
es
th
e a
ctu
al re
su
lt
co
nfi
rm s
elf
-wo
rth
?
Does the behavior
confirm self-worth?
Valued
Relating Style
Borrowed
Relating Style
Overdone
Relating Style
Mask
Relating Style
YE
S
YES NO N
O
Do
es
th
e in
ten
de
d r
es
ult
co
nfi
rm s
elf
-wo
rth
?
Self-Worth Model
Conflict Variables
1. Power differentials
2. Relationship history
3. Age
4. Gender
5. Culture
6. Values (including Motivational Value System)
Strength Management
We choose our
own behavior
We use personal strengths from every color
to build our self-worth and the self-worth
of others
Personal Strengths
Blue
Red-Blue
Red
Red-Green
Green
Blue-Green
Hub
Fair Fair
Fair
Fair
The connection
between motivation
and behavior
Green
The connection
between motivation
and behavior
Fair
Forceful Caring
Tolerant
Blue
Red-Blue
Red
Red-Green Blue-Green
Hub
1. Meet with people they already know
-Strengthen current relationships
2. Meet new people
-Build new relationships
3. Learn more about topics that interest them
4. Learn about new topics
13. Hear the speakers
Why do people attend
conferences?
What could you do right
now to make this the
most valuable
conference you have
ever attended?
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