Dr Alex Benzer's Tao of Dating -- www.taoofdating.com 1 The Smart Woman’s Guide to Embracing Your Inner Goddess and Finding the Fulfillment You Deserve HOW TO BE A MODERN GODDESS TELESEMINAR TRANSCRIPT Alex Benzer, M.D., M.Phil. www.taoofdating.com/women
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Transcript
Dr Alex Benzer's Tao of Dating -- www.taoofdating.com
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The Smart Woman’s Guide to Embracing Your Inner
Goddess and Finding the Fulfillment You Deserve
HOW TO BE A MODERN GODDESS TELESEMINAR TRANSCRIPT
Alex Benzer, M.D., M.Phil. www.taoofdating.com/women
Dr Alex Benzer's Tao of Dating -- www.taoofdating.com
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About Dr Alex
Dr Alex holds an undergraduate degree from Harvard, an M.D. from the University of California, and an M.Phil. in Enterprise from Cambridge University. He is a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and NLP Master Practitioner. He has consulted for Fortune 100 companies and maintains a hypnotherapy and personal coaching practice in Los Angeles, California. He is committed to helping you become the best possible version of you and knows what guys think.
Dr Alex Benzer's Tao of Dating -- www.taoofdating.com
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TELESEMINAR TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to the teleseminar “How To Be A Modern Goddess” in which we’ll
discuss five simple principles for the smart, educated woman to have a more fulfilling
dating life and a generally more fulfilling life far beyond just dating.
I’m Dr. Alex Benzer, the author of the upcoming book The Tao of Dating: The Smart
Woman's Guide to Embracing Your Inner Goddess and Finding the Fulfillment You Deserve. If
you’d like to be one of the very first people to find out about the release of the book, I
invite you to go to www.taoofdating.com/women where you can register your email
address so you won’t miss a thing.
To start, I have a little confession to make.
I am a man.
I know it comes as a surprise to most of you, but there you go. It’s out now. But
really, I do have a confession to make and it’s that, as a guy, I feel a little awkward being
the one telling women about how to be a modern goddess or about writing this whole
Tao of Dating for Women book in the first place.
Because all along the time when I was writing this book I was thinking there’s
three billion women out there who are probably better qualified to do this. I remember
writing the book for men. It took me about 3-3 1/2 months. So I thought, “Well, you
know, the book for women should take about the same amount of time. Right? This’ll be
a snap.”
Well, I was wrong -- and that’s why this book took 2 1/2 years longer than I
thought it would, because I had to spend a lot of time thinking about these things. Not
having ever been a woman, trying to get into the feminine mindset was a challenge for
me. And I hope to have come up with some ideas that you guys can find useful after
three years of writing this book.
So I have a final story to share for you guys and it’s completely true. Just over 2
1/2 decades ago, I had my very first crush. This was in the second grade and her name
was Leila and she was unbelievably cute and I was smitten, I was lost, I thought about
Dr Alex Benzer's Tao of Dating -- www.taoofdating.com
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her all the time, as much as a 7-year can be in love in with another 7-year old, I was in
love.
I tried to do nice little things for her, silly little things, let her cut in line in front
of me in the lunch line, and trying to hover around her, having her play with me and stuff
like that. Yet, she remained aloof. I figured maybe she wasn’t that much into me.
But I was not about to be deterred so I invited her to my 8th birthday party and,
okay, you figure I’m 7 years old, right, so the 8th birthday party is the highlight of my
brief life up to that point.
I’d had some pretty amazing birthday parties up to then, so how could anybody
refuse, right?
Well, I went up to her and asked her. I said, “Hey, Leila, want to come to my
birthday party?” And she said, “No.” That was that. Right there she crushed my little 7-
year old heart.
It turns out that that was the year that I got skipped to the third grade right in the
middle of the school year and so she wasn’t in my class anymore and I never saw her
again.
Just as an aside, all through adolescence and really up to my early 20s, I had a
pretty rough time with women and just understanding them and relating to them. They
were these mysterious, forbidding, all-powerful, beautiful, unapproachable creatures and
the more beautiful they were, of course, the more all that was true and the more difficult
it was for me to connect with them.
I didn’t have my first kiss until the age of 19. I only tell you this because of what
happened last week. This is totally true.
I don’t know how many of you use Facebook -- interesting little gizmo that -- and
I got a message from a certain Leila. I looked at the picture, and she’s got that little mole
on the left lip and I’m like, ooomigod. And the message said, “Are you the same Alex
from second grade?” I’m like, holy cow, it was her. And she was a doc out in New York
city and, wow, she’d found me. Pretty interesting.
Dr Alex Benzer's Tao of Dating -- www.taoofdating.com
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We struck up a correspondence and of course I had to ask her, way back when, in
the second grade when I asked her to come to my birthday party, did she turn me down
because she didn’t like me or was there some other reason, like she was shy or maybe her
parents didn’t let her, or something like that.
Her response to me almost broke my heart. “Well, I always liked you, Alex, but I
was 8 and I had no idea what to do. Besides you were so intimidating.”
Intimidating. I was 8 years old. How is an 8-year old intimidating? But, that’s
where it’s at. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry, but at that moment, at that
moment in the second grade, when I asked her to come to my birthday party, Leila had
the power to crown me or to crush my little heart.
The thing is she didn’t feel like she had the power either. As a result she
inadvertently chose to crush me. Even though she really didn’t want to do that.
Is it possible that things may have out differently for me if she had chosen
differently? I don’t know. But one thing I know for sure is that probably a little more joy
would have been added to the store houses of the world had things turned out a little
differently.
I told the story to make a point which is that the power of the Goddess is right
here and right now. You have it. At that point, Leila was 8 years old, she didn’t think she
had it. But you can spend your whole life and go through it and not think that you have
that power and you’ve got it all along.
I’m going to quote from Marianne Williamson’s great book. It’s called A
Woman’s Worth. I encourage all of you to go get your own copy. I’m going to have a
bunch of quotes from that book during this teleseminar. This is from page 26. She says,
“That’s all that separates the queens from the slave girls -- a shift in consciousness from
denial to acceptance of personal power.”
There’s a reason why I sign all my emails, “The power is within you,” because
that’s the only place the power is.
Dr Alex Benzer's Tao of Dating -- www.taoofdating.com
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I know what you might be thinking now. You may be thinking, “Well, I’m not
pretty enough. It’s the pretty ones who have all the power or the slim ones who have all
the power.” Something like that.
Or maybe you are pretty and you’re thinking, “Well, I’m pretty but there’s always
somebody younger, more beautiful who has like smoother skin and maybe perkier boobs
or something like that.” Or you’re thinking, “Well, I’m 25. I’m already over the hill. All
those 19-year olds and 21-year olds. Those are the who are going to get all the attention.
Those are the ones with the power.”
Yet, when you talk to the 19- and 21-year olds, they’re saying, “Oh, it’s the older
women who have the power because they have more experience and knowledge.”
Hmmm. Who’s right? I’m not quite sure.
Or maybe you’re thinking, “I’m too young and inexperienced.” Or maybe you’re
thinking, “Well, I’m too old.” Or you’re thinking, “I’m not smart enough or I’m too
smart.” Whatever it is, let’s talk about the age thing because that’s a really funny one.
At what age are we okay? Because when we’re kids we’re trying to grow up. We
want to be grownups so we can reach the higher shelves and steal the cookies when
nobody’s looking. You want to be able to wash yourself, dress yourself, go to PG-13
movies, later on to R movies -- big milestone.
You want to be able to move away from home, go to college. Once you’re in
college get the hell out of college, go to grad school, get out of school, get a real job, buy a
house, all these things … and then, we’re like, oh, no, I’m old. I’m burdened with
responsibility. I wish I were a kid again.
But then when you were a kid, you didn’t want to be a kid. So when are you okay?
What I want to remind you is that you need to get out of that loop and get into the
now. You are okay now. There’s no time when it’s not now, so just choose to be okay
now.
Eternity is a stringing together of all these little moments called “now.”
Dr Alex Benzer's Tao of Dating -- www.taoofdating.com
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So we come to the first principle, the first of the first five principles of how to be a
modern Goddess.
The Goddess exists now and only now. Get rid of all excuses. You are what
you’ve been waiting for. Claim the power and be it.
That’s principle #1.
Let me clarify this whole notion of the Goddess. I’ve gotten some feedback from
my readers and some of my friends who read the book for me. They said, it sounds
quasi-religious. It’s got the word God in it. What’s up with that?
For your information I want you to know that the word Goddess means whatever
you choose it to mean. Let’s first start with what the Goddess is not. This is also a quote
from A Woman’s Worth by Marianne Williamson.
“We think of ourselves as flesh and bone, resumes and relationships,
clothes and cosmetics. The truth of who we are, why we’re here and
where we’re going is far more spectacular than any of these worldly
things indicate. We are God’s precious vessels and we are always
pregnant with his possibilities.”
Think about that. Let that sink in.
In the first teleseminar, we talked about breaking out, the definitions and images
that mass media have created for you. You’ve got magazines, TV, fashion industry. And
that stuff is not you. And it’s not you because it’s devoid of personal connection and
personal meaning.
Here’s another little passage from Marianne:
“Our insecurity is inevitable in the absence of personal meaning.
Without a sense of connection to deeper, more noble ideas, we are doomed to a
desperate struggle for things that fill us up. The job, the relationship, the looks,
the body. We are tyrannized by a belief that we are inadequate.”
As I’m reading this it occurs that when she’s saying “we” she’s referring to the
women of the world. But if you think about there’s no reason why what she’s saying
Dr Alex Benzer's Tao of Dating -- www.taoofdating.com
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doesn’t apply to every person in the world. People are people. In the meantime, humor
me while I say “we” and it’s supposed to address women.
Now, basically, stuff that’s devoid of meaning does not make you the Goddess.
Looks, the clothes, the consumption -- that’s not it. The thing that is it, the one thing
that gives life true meaning is one word. Service. And there’s another word for that
which is love. Love tends to be kind of fuzzy. There’s many, many things that stand in
for love. Service seems to be a little more clear cut.
So that brings us to the second principle of how to be a modern Goddess.
The Goddess is service. Service is at once the exercise of her power and the
flourishing of it. The more of it you do, the more you grow into your Goddess power.
Does that make sense?
Let me give you examples of Goddesses. You’ve got for example Florence
Nightingale, you’ve got Marie Curie, you’ve got Oprah Winfrey, all these women did great
things or are still doing great things.
Did we say that they’re perfect human beings? Hmmm. Not really. In fact that’s
a definition of being a human being. You’re imperfect.
To be a Goddess you’re not doing all things for all people so these people they
have their foibles. Marie Curie overworked herself and compromised her health that
way. Oprah Winfrey talks about her food issues all the time.
But what these women did do was that they gave their gift fully.
And this brings us to the third principle which is that the Goddess serves by
giving her gift. Therefore, she’s a specialist. Whatever gift you have as long as it’s
infused with love, that is the gift of the Goddess.
Let’s think about these archetypes of the Goddess in other cultures. The whole
idea of the Goddess has existed since the beginning of time. You have Athena, the
Goddess of Wisdom. You have Diana or Artemis, the Goddess of the Hunt. You have
Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love and Beauty. You have Inanna, The Babylonian Goddess
of Abundance and Fertility. You have Quan Yin, the Goddess of Compassion from
Taoist, and Chinese Buddhist tradition.
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All of them have particular attributes in addition to the general attribute of being
compassionate and loving. Wisdom, hunt, love, fertility -- and at the same time they do
certain things exceptionally well.
The compassion, service and love part are never optional. That’s always a part of
the Goddess and then there’s other stuff that you can do and be really, really good at. So
just pick a couple of things that you’re already good at and be exceptionally good at them.
That’s what the goddess is. You need not be all things to all people and it’s really not
possible to be all things to all people. [Addendum from Dr Alex: And if you work on your
weaknesses, you’ll end up at best with strengthened weaknesses. So work on your
strengths until you’re world-class in those departments.]
Which brings us to Marianne again. I love this woman. This is what she says.
“Things will change when every woman gets it
that we are all beautiful, powerful and strong. That we
deserve love and approval and support. That we would
all be glorious if we could only spread our wings, that we
are each one of us a portion of the great and mighty
goddess self. What a light will arise from behind the
mountains of the morning of our remembrance. What a
sun will shine through the fog of tears when we embrace
our true selves at last.”
So why don’t we do a little exercise? The Tao of Dating has these exercises in
there, and the point is that you’ve read a lot of books up to this point and we only
remember so much of what we read in books. About a week later approximately 70% of
it is gone, and an even smaller percentage of that gets incorporated into our behavior.
Now if the purpose of The Tao of Dating is to change your life fundamentally, is
to actually effect change in your behavior, then you need to do stuff, you need to start
doing things differently and to have that at the forefront of your imagination at all times.
The way we do that is through exercises. So here’s a little exercise.
This is Exercise 4 straight out of the book The Tao Of Dating. It’s called
“Embodying The Goddess.” If you have a pen and paper handy, get that now so you can
actually participate in the exercise.
Dr Alex Benzer's Tao of Dating -- www.taoofdating.com
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What does the word Goddess mean to you? Take a few minutes to write down
what comes to your mind as you complete this sentence. To be the Goddess is to be the
embodiment of _________. Fill in the blank as you see fit. Here are some ideas to get