Honey, I Got Shrunk and Ended Up With Zooey Deschanel

8/4/2019 Honey, I Got Shrunk and Ended Up With Zooey Deschanel

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Honey, I Got Shrunk

and Ended Up

With

Zooey Deschanel

(in 2010)

written by

Jeff Grant


2/59

FADE IN:

INT. A COMPUTER SCREEN - DAY OR NIGHT

A mouse travels across a computer screen. The controller ofit is never revealed. It goes about some normal web surfing

for a moment. Suddenly, a link to a trailer for "Weirdo Love"pops up. The mouse goes over curiously and clicks it.

The trailer for the movie plays. A gruff-voiced NARRATOR saysthese lines over brief images.

NARRATOR (V.O.)This summer...

A helicopter shot passing over a small town.

NARRATOR (V.O.)...see what happens...

A front door opens mysteriously.

NARRATOR (V.O.)...when a shy artsy guy...

A shy artsy guy scribbles into his notebook, trying not to beseen.

NARRATOR (V.O.)..with a low level of confidence...

The shy artsy guy looks bashful.NARRATOR (V.O.)

..spots a bombshell...

ZOOEY DESCHANEL flings her hair back over her head in slowmotion. The shy artsy guy's mouth drops and his eyes expand.

NARRATOR (V.O.)...of the highest pedigree...

In a big house a MAID hands Zooey a silver plate withvitamins on it.

MAIDYour vitamins, m' dear..

ZOOEY(knocks plate away)

I HATE vitamins!!!

(CONTINUED)


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NARRATOR (V.O.)..and tries to woo her...

Shy artsy guy is talking to Zooey, who is looking away,unimpressed.

SHY ARTSY GUY(looking at his shoes)

I was just uh... wondering if youwanted to get some soda pop..

NARRATOR (V.O.)..using techniques from popularculture.

The shy artsy guy holds a boom box over his head (like in SayAnything) that is playing "I Will Always Love You" by WhitneyHouston (like in The Bodyguard).

NARRATOR (V.O.)He almost gets the girl...

Zooey is standing next to him, suddenly smiling.

ZOOEYYou're kind of cute...

NARRATOR (V.O.)Until he starts acting...

Guy gets a devilish grin and his face starts to turn red like

a cartoon.SHY ARTSY GUY

(manically with his handsin the air)

Yeeooowwwzzaa!!

Zooey runs off, afraid.

NARRATOR (V.O.)..like a weirdo.

Guy is alone, doing cartwheels in the sunset. The title hits

the screen right as it's being said-

NARRATOR (V.O.)Weirdo Love... this film is not yetrated.

End trailer.

2.

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(CONTINUED)


4/59

The unseen user goes to google and types in "zoey deshenel"..This pulls up a list of sites. 4 down is one calledwww.thezooeyzone.com. The mouse clicks it.

Now we're at The Zooey Zone Website. There are a few thingsgoing on but in the center of the page is a youtube video

titled "Zooey Q & A This Saturday at _______!!!!" The mouseclicks it.

The video loads and a hefty, bearded 25-year old guy is doingone of those talking-to-the-screen videos. This is BULL CAVE,the webmaster of The Zooey Zone.

BULL(straight to the camera)

Hey hey hey, fellow Zooeyacs. I'vegot great news for any of you whoare gonna be in the Los Angelesarea this weekend. Our queen Zooeywill be making a special appearanceat _________. Sources tell methat there will be a live Q and Asession and that she might besigning autographs. It's apromotional event for her new movieWeirdo Love, which as we all knowcomes out next weekend. Now, Iwanted to let you guys know that Iwill personally be attending theevent with my fellow Zooey Zoneambassador, Drew Hummer. He's the

second-in-command-guy at the siteand I've been showing him theropes. This means that we willhopefully be able to do somevideoing during the event. The goalis to get the footage up on theinternet as soon as we can....Anyway, I don't have much else tosay. I hope to see some of youthere in person... Okay, that's it.

Video shuts off.

INT. BULL'S BASEMENT OFFICE/BEDROOM - THURSDAY NIGHT

Bull sits at his desk in a dark room, talking to hiscomputer. This is him at the end of the recording we justsaw. He starts to load it up to youtube and then he crawlsinto bed and stares at the screen as it goes through theloading process.

3.

CONTINUED: (2)


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INT. BULL'S BASEMENT OFFICE/BEDROOM - FRIDAY MORNING

Bull is awake. It's the same room but now it's the nextmorning. Bull picks up his cell phone and dials a number. Thephone rings 3 times and then goes to voice mail.

BULL(into the phone)

Hey man, it's me. I was justcalling to remind you aboutSaturday. I'm sure you haven'tforgotten. You're working I bet.Well anyway, I was just wanting toflesh out some details. Just giveme a call whenever you get thechance. Peace.

Hangs up.

INT. MALL CELL PHONE STORE - FRIDAY MORNING

A cell phone attached to a guy's belt goes off informing himthat he has a new message. This is DREW HUMMER. He's the topsalesman here at _______. He's in the middle of talking to acustomer about a cell phone plan.

DREWYeah, for your price range youreally can't go wrong with thismodel. It's got this sleek, sexydesign. A lot of college students

are getting this one. They come ina few different colors... Black.White. Navy blue. Silver... acouple others.

CUSTOMERThat sounds nice. Are there anydeals going on right now? Somebodytold me you guys had some dealsgoing.

DREWAs a matter of fact, I think we can

do a buy-one-get-another-half-offthing.

CUSTOMERThat sounds perfect.

DREWAnd what colors would you like?

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(CONTINUED)


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As he's saying this a girl the same age as Drew walks in.This is FAITH HAGGARD, Drew's girlfriend. They make eyecontact. Faith knows the drill. Wait until he's done with thesale...

CUSTOMER

(continuing)Let's go one silver and one... doyou have hot pink?

DREWI think we might have a regularpink in the back.

CUSTOMERRegular pink is fine.

DREWI'll be right back.

Drew walks quickly to the back and passes Faith. He looks ather.

DREW (CONTD)One moment, Ma'am.

FAITHTake you're time...

Drew runs into the back room for a second. Then he comes backout with the phone. He goes to ring up the customer. Faith

looks around at the phones even though she's seen them manytimes already.

Drew finishes up and the customer leaves. Faith comes up tothe counter.

DREWWhat's up?

FAITHHow's it going today?

DREW

Not bad. I've made a few sales.It's been kinda slow though.

FAITHYeah. Us too...

DREWDid you just call me?

5.

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(CONTINUED)


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FAITHNo.

DREWOh... Must've been Bull.

FAITHOh, yeah... Bull. What do you thinkhe wanted?

DREWDid I tell you about that ZooeyDeschanel Q & A thing we're gonnago to on Saturday?

Faith looks away. Zooey Deschanel isn't her favorite topic.

FAITHUh.. I don't know. Maybe. What isit?

DREWIt's a question and answer-

FAITH(cutting him off)

I know what a Q & A is!! I mean...is this for that website y'all do?

DREWYeah. He wants me to come so I can

video tape him asking questions toZooey. He's got these questionsprepared and everything.

FAITH(rolling her eyes)

I don't understand why y'all dothat. Drew, that guy is weird. Idon't think you should help himwith his website about ZooeyDeschanel.

DREW

I don't know if I'll do it forever.It's good experience in a way. I'mlearning about how to updatewebsites and stuff.

FAITHThat's fine but, I mean, I'm yourgirlfriend.

6.

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(MORE)

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It's weird that you spend all ofthis free time devoted to some girlyou've never met. I guess I'm kindajealous..

DREW

Don't be jealous. I don't thinkit'll last very long. I just... Ilike Zooey Deschanel too.

FAITHWell, I like Robert Downey Jr. butI don't have a website devoted tohim.

DREWYou should hear Bull talk about it.He's really passionate.

FAITHI'm not interested in talking toBull about Zooey Deschanel! Havefun, Drew...

Faith stomps out of the store, trying to prove her point.Drew watches her go, silently.

INT. MALL FOOD COURT - LATE FRIDAY AFTERNOON

Drew is sitting at a table in the mall finishing up hisdinner. He's on a late break. He sips from his soda and picks

up his cell phone and dials Bull's number. It rings a coupletimes and then-

DREWHey man. What's up?

BULLHey, thanks for calling me back.Are you still cool about tomorrow?

DREWYeah, definitely. What time does itstart?

BULLWell, the doors open at 9:30 andthe event starts at 10:30. I wantedto get there early 'cuz I betthere's gonna be a crowd.

DREWWhat time are you gonna pick me up?

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CONTINUED: (3)FAITH (CONT'D)

(CONTINUED)


9/59

BULLHow's nine?

DREWNine's good. Do you need me tobring anything?

BULLNot really. Just your camera.. Anymore questions?

DREWWell, one thing..

BULLWhat's that?

DREWI was telling Faith about the eventand-

BULL(cutting him off)

Who's Faith?

DREWFaith is my girlfriend.

BULL(unimpressed)

Oh yeah. Continue.

DREWShe's just kinda weirded out aboutthe whole thing. She thinks I caremore about Zooey than I do abouther.

BULLWell, she just needs to get overthat. Zooey wouldn't do that.

DREWI'm... I'm not dating Zooey, man.

BULL(getting defensive)

Listen man, if your girl is worthkeeping then she'll get over that.And if not... well, maybe she isn'tworth your time anyway.

8.

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(CONTINUED)


10/59


11/59

BULLIs is weird to you that she's real?I keep thinking it's weird. I don'tthink of Zooey as a real person.

DREW

I guess she is. Yeah, that is kindaweird.

BULLWhat if our lives change today?What if we see her and we becomedifferent people? What if our wholelives change?

DREWMaybe it'll happen. This dayalready feels so different. Maybethis will blow our minds.

BULLI hope it does. I always want thatto happen to me. And I reallybelieve it could happen today.

DREWI'm nervous.

BULL(with holy awe)

I'm... ready.

INT. THE LOBBY - SAT. MORNING, 9:35 AM

Bull and Drew walk in through some spinning doors. As they dothey look over and see a janitor that looks pissy, moppingthe floor. He looks at them with a scowl. Bull and Drew bothgive a "hmm" look and continue walking towards the eventroom.

INT. EVENT ROOM - SAT. MORNING, 9:36 AM

Bull and Drew walk into a large room filled with many otherstheir own age. It looks like a bunch of hipster kids.

They find a spot on the floor and sit down. Some time passes.It's now 10:27.

They look up at the stage and ZOOEY DESCHANEL walks inquietly and sits down at a table in front of a microphone.Wow. The event hasn't started yet. The crowd chatters. It's anice, nervous energy.

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Zooey smiles at some of the people in the crowd. The HOST ison the other end of the table on the stage, flipping throughsome notes in preparation.

BULL(motioning)

Let's get as close as we can.

Drew nods and follows Bull up to the front pretty close tothe stage. They are 15 feet from Zooey.

Wow.

BULL (CONTD)(whispering loudly)

She's still hot but she looks morenormal in real life.

Zooey can obviously hear him but she tries to act like shedidn't.

The host walks to the microphone with a few index cards inhis hands.

HOST(professionally)

Okay, I think we're ready to start.

The people in the crowd wrap up their conversations and lookat the stage.

HOST (CONTD)You may know today's guest frommovies such as "Almost Famous","Elf", "Yes Man" and "(500) Days ofSummer". Well, she's here with ustoday to talk about her new movie,"Weirdo Love", which hits theatersnext Friday. Please give a warmwelcome to... Zooey Deschanel!

The crowd cheers and claps. It isn't roaring but good for anaudience full of shoe gazers.

Zooey leans up to the microphone.

ZOOEYHello. Thanks for coming everybody.

People in the crowd are smiling.

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(CONTINUED)


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HOSTNow Zooey, before we get too far,tell us a little about your newmovie.

ZOOEY

Oh, okay. Yeah. I have a new moviecoming out next Friday and it'scalled Weirdo Love. It's about thisgirl who's mad at this guy 'cuzhe's being weird.

HOSTAnd who plays the guy in the movie?

ZOOEYThe guy is played by the verytalented ________.

HOSTWow... Can you describe what theprocess of making this movie waslike?

ZOOEYSure. Um. It was a lot of fun. Idon't want to bore anybody with thetechnical side of making movies.It's a lot of waiting untileverybody is ready and thenfilming. Not as glamorous as you'd

think, really. I liked the people Iworked with.

HOSTNow, how do you go about choosing ascript? I bet you get a lot ofthem..

ZOOEYWell, I just try to keep readingthem. I try to find characters thatI identify with, who I think I canplay well. It's different every

time.

HOSTNow, I was wondering.. Do you everfeel typecast?

ZOOEYDo you mean do I always feel likeI'm playing "quirky" characters?

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HOSTYeah. You seem to have carved out acertain genre almost.

ZOOEYWell, I have my taste in movies. I

try to make movies that I wouldwant to see. Sometimes they don'tend up how you thought they would.Movies really are a collaborationbetween a bunch of people thatnobody ever sees. As far as alwaysplaying quirky characters, I guessI think of myself as a bit quirkyanyway. I try to play the partstruthfully and the quirkiness seemsto just come out.

HOSTThat's interesting.

Looks out into the audience.

HOST (CONTD)(continuing)

I think we're gonna take a fewquestions from the audience now.

ZOOEYOkay.

HOSTDoes anybody have any questions?

A 14 year-old girl raises her hand. She looks like a youngZooey, only blonde.

GIRL(nervous)

What would you tell to people whowant to be actresses?

ZOOEYGood question. I would say that

first off, it's not as easy asyou'd think. It's a tough business.At the same time it is veryrewarding. If you feel seriousabout wanting to get into themovies than... well, living closeto Hollywood is a good start. I'dsay just try to meet other peoplewho are making movies.

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(MORE)

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And take some acting classes. Andmost importantly, don't give up.I've been doing this for a whileand it's taken some time to getwhere I'm at. Just stick with it.

GIRLThank you.

The girl sits down. A guy, about 19 raises his hand andstands up. The host motions for him to go ahead.

GUYThank you. Uh.. I like your movies.I have a couple on DVD.. My friendslike you too. Do you like what youdo or... is there a part of it thatyou don't like?

ZOOEYLet's see. First, thanks for sayingthat. And... I'll answer the firstquestion. "Do I like what I do"?

She thinks for a second.

ZOOEY (CONTD)(continuing)

Yes. I do. It can be stressful attimes but it's worth it to me.Making movies is a lot of fun...

and the second question... "isthere a part of it that you don'tlike"? Um... I mean, the real everyday stuff isn't very glamorous,like I was saying. Some people canbe very mean. Critics can bemean... And doing interviews can beexhausting when you do them oneafter another and everybody has thesame 3 questions.

GUYThanks.

ZOOEYYou're welcome.

The guy sits down and another guy stands up.

14.

CONTINUED: (4)ZOOEY (CONT'D)

(CONTINUED)


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ANOTHER GUYI am a fan of your movies but Ialso really like your band, She &Him. How do you make movies and CDsand tour and all that? It soundslike a lot.

ZOOEYYeah. It is a lot! But... I like tokeep busy when I can. I have somepeople who help me sort out myschedule months in advance. Icouldn't keep up with all of it ifI had to do it by myself. I canonly do one thing at a time,contrary to what some people think.

ANOTHER GUYThank you.

ZOOEYNo problem.

The crowd giggles, smitten.

HOSTI think we have time for a few morequestions if anybody has any.

Drew elbows Bull. Bull nods, steps forward and clears histhroat. Drew points the camera at him.

BULL(sheepishly)

I have a question.

ZOOEYShoot.

BULL(clicking intoprofessional mode)

Yeah. Uh. Bull Cave from The ZooeyZone Dot Com. We love what you do,

Zooey. Thank you.

ZOOEYThank you.

BULLThank you.

Bull forgets to talk for a second. Then he snaps out of it.

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17/59

BULL (CONTD)Oh yeah.. um... so, recently youwere married to Ben Gibbard fromDeath Cab for Cutie... is that...good... or...I mean...

ZOOEY(slightly offended buttrying to be polite)

Yes. It's very good. Ben is a greathusband.

BULLOh. That's.. okay, thank you.

The crowd is snickering at this. Bull is unfazed byeveryone's reactions. He is in his own world, thinking abouthis question. A couple of seconds pass.

The focus changes to the back of the room where the janitorfrom before is watching the Q & A. He has a grin on his face.There's something on his mind.

INT. THE LOBBY - SATURDAY MORNING, 10:50 AM

The janitor walks out of the room into the mostly emptylobby. We follow him as he crosses over to a door on theopposite side. This is his closet. He opens up the door andwalks in.

INT. THE JANITOR'S CLOSET - SATURDAY MORNING, 10:51 AM

The closet is filled with a bunch of science fiction-lookingstuff. This is where he must hide all of his belongings. Thejanitor spies a small ray gun-looking thing and picks it up.Then he picks up a Glamor Shots picture of a brunette woman.He kisses the photo.

JANITORThis is for you, _________.

He walks back out the door and closes it from behind.

INT. EVENT ROOM - SAT. MORNING, 11 AM

The Q & A is wrapping up. The host thanks the crowd forcoming. Everybody stands up and starts to talk to each other.Some are filing out. A line has formed in front of Zooeywhere she is giving out autographs.

BULLWe've gotta go meet her.

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DREWThat's fine.

BULLThis might be the only time we everget to meet her.

DREWYeah. Probably.

They walk over and get in line.

In the back of the room the janitor walks in. He has thatstrange look on his face. His eyes scan the crowd. He seesZooey and the line and comes to stand in it, right behind ajittery Bull and Drew. Bull turns around for a second. He andthe janitor make polite eye contact and do one of those nodthings. Bull looks down for a second and sees the DiminishingRay Gun in the janitors hands. His eyes go "What the-?!"

Bull looks right at the janitor

BULLWhat is that thing, man?

Drew turns around and sees the situation. The janitor looksangry. They're onto him. He looks around and notices that afew people in the room are looking his way too.

The janitor reacts quickly and shoots both Bull and Drew withthe Diminishing Ray Gun.

They shrink.

He realizes that his plan has failed so he turns the gun onhimself. He shrinks too. The gun is shrunken along with him.

INT. EVENT ROOM FLOOR, UP CLOSE - SAT. MORNING, 11:05 AM

Bull and Drew are dime-sized in the exact same spot wherethey were before. They look up and the crowd has become giantand they are reacting to what just happened with shock. Theylook over and see the janitor, about a football fielddistance away. He is small and angry and running in their

direction.

Bull and Drew are freaked out big time. They don't know whatthe janitor is planning to do. The just start running. Theyare headed in the direction of the wall near Zooey. They arerunning pretty fast.

The crowd doesn't have a clue what just happened. As far asthey know 3 people just disappeared.

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(CONTINUED)


19/59

The guys run up close to a giant purse that's sitting on thefloor. Then they hear Zooey say-

ZOOEY(cool but panicking)

This is crazy! I gotta get outta

here!

They see her stand up and walk towards them. They areconfused, then-

DREWI think that's Zooey's purse!

They look back and see the janitor running towards them.

BULLCome on!

He grabs Drew and they both jump up onto the purse and startclimbing into it.

Zooey casually picks up her purse and walks out of the room.

The janitor is on the floor and he sees them getting away. Heis angry and jumping up and down screaming.

Bull and Drew are in mid-climb on the top of her purse andlooking back at the shrunken janitor who is shrinking in thedistance.

The janitor continues to throw a tantrum as somebodyaccidentally steps on him. This is a sudden and undramaticthing.

Bull and Drew see this and cringe with a strange smile ontheir faces.

They drop down into the purse. Some light is shining in butit's mostly pretty dark.

Zooey walks briskly out the door of the lobby.

EXT. BUILDING WHERE THE Q & A IS - SAT. MORNING, 11:10 AM

Zooey walks out of the building, crosses the parking lot andgets into her car. A few leftover fans see her. She tries towalk quickly past them. She's ready to get home.

She sets her purse in the passenger seat, starts the car,turns on some music and drives out of the parking lot.

18.

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20/59

INT. ZOOEY'S PURSE - SAT. MORNING, 11:11 AM

Bull and Drew are laying sitting exhausted at the bottom ofZooey's purse. They are still in shock and trying to absorbwhat just happened.

DREW(tired)

What just happened?

BULL(also tired)

I... I'm not sure. I think we're inZooey Deschanel's purse. Is that...is that what you think ishappening?

DREWI think.. I think we... got...shrunk.

BULLOkay. This is too much. Did thatguy in the line shoot us? Are wedead or something?

DREW(trying to remember)

Yeah... I think that guy shot us.But I think he got shrunk too.

BULLOkay. Yeah, I remember that.

DREWI think that guy got squished. Didyou see that happen too? I thinkI'm going crazy.

BULLNo.. I saw that too. Maybe we'reboth crazy.

DREW

Well... where are we now?

BULLDude... I think we're in ZooeyDeschanel's purse.

19.


21/59

INT. ZOOEY'S CAR - SAT. MORNING, 11:20 AM

Zooey drives somewhat recklessly while losing herself in themusic. The car jerks and her purse is thrown from the carseat to the floor board.


The guys have just been thrown around in the tumble of thepurse. Everything is sideways from how it was just a fewseconds before.

DREW(feeling annoyed)

Geez! Can this girl even drive?!

Bull is silent. He doesn't want to say anything againstZooey.

Then Zooey's giant cell phone rings. Maybe it's aninteresting ring tone. The guys are sent back from the sound.


Zooey hears the phone. She turns the volume down on thestereo and reaches over towards her purse. The car isswerving and other cars are honking angrily at her (if carsare able to honk angrily).


Zooey's giant hands reach into the purse and narrowly missthe guys as she grabs her cell phone. The guys have to jumpout of the way.

The guys can overhear the conversation Zooey is having withthe caller.

ZOOEY (O.S.)Hey.

(listening)It went okay. At first. I'll haveto tell you about what happenedwhen I see you.

(listening)No, honey, something really crazyhappened. You probably won'tbelieve me.

(listening)'Because I don't want to tell youyet.

(listening)I just don't.

20.

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(listening)Yeah. Okay.

(listening)I'm headed home. I need to relax.

(listening)Okay. What time are you gonna be

home again?(listening)

Oh yeah. Well, I'll probably beasleep by then.

(listening)Okay. Bye.

Zooey hangs up the phone.

The guys are sitting and still trying to take in the realityof the situation. They look around the inside of the pursefor a second.

DREWWell, what are we supposed to bedoing now?

BULL(thinking)

I don't know. Let's just ride thisout for a minute.


Zooey continues to drive horribly. The music is off now.

She's driving in the quiet.INT. ZOOEY'S PURSE - SAT. MORNING, 11:30 AM

The guys are both shaking their head in astonishment. They'resomewhat frightened by her driving.

BULLThis girl is a horrible driver...but I'm still in love with her.

Drew is silent.

EXT. ZOOEY'S HOUSE - SAT. MORNING, 11:35 AM

Zooey's car comes to a sudden stop outside of a house. Herpurse is jolted around a little more. This is her house.


Bull and Drew are knocked on the floor again. They are gladthis car ride is over.

21.

CONTINUED:ZOOEY (O.S.) (CONT'D)


23/59


Zooey grabs her purse and walks gets out of the car. Shewalks across the lawn and into the front door.

INT. ZOOEY'S LIVING ROOM - SAT. MORNING, 11:37 AM

Zooey walks in the front door and sets her purse down on thefloor by the wall. Then she walks into the kitchen, which isthe next room over.

INT. UP CLOSE BY ZOOEY'S PURSE - SAT. MORNING, 11:37 AM

Bull and Drew climb out of Zooey's purse and onto the groundnext to it. They stand there for a second, looking at Zooey.She's getting a glass of water.

BULLWe need to figure out what's goingon.

DREWThat sounds like a good idea.

They look around for a second and see a gigantic couch nottoo far from them.

BULLLet's go hide underneath that thingso we don't have to worry aboutgetting stepped on.

DREWYeah. Okay. That's good.

They walk towards the couch and then go underneath it.

INT. UNDERNEATH ZOOEY'S COUCH - SAT. MORNING, 11:40 AM

Once there they sit down, relieved to be safe finally.

DREWYou know..

BULLWhat?

DREW(reaching in his pocket)

Do you think my cell phone wouldwork?

22.

(CONTINUED)


24/59

BULLI don't know. I don't know whathappens to things when they getshrunk. I've never been shrunkenbefore.

Drew tries to turn it on but it doesn't work. He tries acouple more times. It still doesn't work.

DREW(changing the subject)

I think we really need to figureout what's going on.

BULLThat's what I'm saying.... Well...What do we know?

DREW(thinking)

I mean.. We're small. We're verysmall.

BULLOkay. I get that. But how did weget small?

DREWI guess when that guy shot us.

BULL

I thought that was a real gun. Butit was a shrinking gun.. I didn'tknow those existed.

DREWMe neither. I've never heard ofthis happening... other than inmovies of course.

BULLWhy did that guy shoot us? What wasgoing on with that guy?

DREWHe seemed mad and messed up. Wasn'the the janitor? Didn't we see himwhen we walked in?

BULL(remembering)

Yeah. Yeah, I think you're rightabout that.

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CONTINUED:

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25/59

I remember thinking he lookedstrange even then. But I neverthought the guy might shrink us...

DREWOr get stepped on..

BULLWhoa. That's right! That guy didget stepped on.

DREWWell, why do you think he had thatgun? And why do you think he was inthat room? Do you think -- do youthink he was trying to shrinkZooey?!

BULLWhoa, I don't know. I don't knowwhy a janitor would want to shrinkZooey Deschanel. Hmmm...

They both walk to the edge of the couch and look into thekitchen towards Zooey who is still in there, washing dishesor something. Then she stops and comes back into the livingroom. She sits on the couch and turns on the TV. The guysstay put for a second.

BULL (CONTD)Okay. How about this: What are our

options?DREW

Well, right now we're small. Theonly way I know to get big again isto find that gun and reverse it...and then shoot ourselves.

BULLBut we don't even know where thatthing is.. or if it can evenreverse!

DREWActually, it might be in the roomwhere the Q & A was. I know the guyhad it in his hands when he shrunkhimself.. Do you think the gunshrunk with him? Do you think itgot squished?!

24.

CONTINUED: (2)BULL (CONT'D)

(CONTINUED)


26/59

BULLHow am I supposed to know that? Somany strange things have happenedin the last few hours. I can'tremember everything!

DREWWell, if we can't grow back... thenwhat?

BULLDuh! We'll be stuck small forever!

Zooey laughs at the TV.

DREW(listening)

I feel sorta weird here. I feellike we're imposing on her privacy.It's like we're flies on her wall.

BULLNo. We're like flies on herfloor... underneath her couch.

DREWWell... doesn't it make you feelcreepy?

BULLI don't know.

DREWWhat does Zooey Deschanel even meanto you?

BULLI don't know. It's weird to see herin real life. I guess I don't thinkof her as a normal person. I don'tthink of her as somebody whowatches TV and laughs at it.

She continues laughing. The guys are quiet for a second.

DREWSomething about this seems wrong.

BULLWell, what are we supposed to do?We're shrunken! Maybe we can leave.Where do you think we should go?

25.

CONTINUED: (3)

(CONTINUED)


27/59

DREWI don't know! Sorry. I don't know.

Zooey laughs again.

BULL

(consoling a little)Let's just stay small for a littlewhile. This isn't so bad.

Drew is silent. He doesn't know what to say. Zooey is stilllaughing on the couch above. Bull and Drew sit down and watchTV too.

This isn't so bad. In fact... this is kinda nice..

Almost 2 hours pass and the guys are still in the same place.Zooey has fallen asleep.

DREWYou know, I'm getting prettyhungry.

BULLYeah. Me too.

The guys stand up and start walking to the kitchen that ismiles away.

A clock on the wall goes from 1:30 PM to 3:30 PM. Now theyare in the kitchen, on the floor.

INT. KITCHEN FLOOR - SAT. AFTERNOON, 3:30 PM

Bull and Drew are pretty tired from the long walk. They'relooking up high into the giant kitchen.

DREWOh my gosh I'm so hungry!

BULLWe'll find something. There's gottabe something that we can get towithout having climb anything.

DREW(hungry but disgusted)

Are we gonna have to eat somethingoff the floor?

BULLI don't know. What if it's all wecan find?

26.

CONTINUED: (4)

(CONTINUED)


28/59

DREW(doesn't like the idea)

Yekkk!

BULLWhoa! Look out!!

Zooey has just walked into the kitchen. She steps dangerouslyclose to the guys but they dive out of the way. She isrinsing off a glass in the sink and then she opens up thedishwashing machine, which is right above their heads.

DREW(quickly)

Hey! I've got an idea. Come on!!

BULLHuh?

Drew runs and jumps on Zooey's shoe with Bull close behind.They climb up to her ankle and then onto the edge of the opendishwashing machine.

BULL (CONTD)Okay. Now what?

Suddenly Zooey reaches down to close the dishwasher.

DREW(close to panic)

Try to get on the top of it when it

closes!!!They move quickly and the dishwasher closes with them on thevery tip top of it, not inside. They are now only a fewinches from the kitchen counter.

BULLWow! Did that just happen?

DREWYEAH!!

They look over and a few threads of a towel are hanging over

the edge of the counter. This is one of those towels whereyou put wet dishes so they can dry.

BULLHey, isn't that convenient!

They climb up the thread and onto the counter.

27.

CONTINUED:


29/59

INT. KITCHEN COUNTER - SAT. AFTERNOON 3:50 PM

Bull is looking down over the edge carefully but feelingimpressed.

BULL

Can you believe that we just didthat?!

DREWJust about as easily as I canbelieve that we got shrunk andended up at Zooey Deschanel'shouse.

BULLNo one will ever believe us.

DREWI don't even believe us!

BULLYeah! I'd think we were crazy!!Maybe we are!

DREWLet's eat some food.

BULLYep. I'm so hungry I could eat ahorse!!

They turn around and there is a bunch of fruit and bread andstuff. They are amazed and run towards it. Then Drew stops.

DREWWait! Wait. This isn't our food.This is Zooey's food. Is it bad forus to eat it?

BULLDude, look at us! We're the size ofa dime! How much can we eat,really? A few crumbs maybe? Do you

think Zooey will miss a few crumbsof something?

DREWProbably not, I guess.

BULLCome on!

28.

(CONTINUED)


30/59

They run to the food and start eating.

Half an hour passes. They are sitting down, full and sleepy.They can hear Zooey in the other room playing a guitar andsinging. This makes them even more sleepier.

DREWIf we're gonna fall asleep, do youthink we should go someplace safer?

BULLMaybe behind the cookie jar?

DREWYeah, I guess. At least where theycan't see us. It would probably bea good idea to stay here close tothe food.

BULLYeah.. I'm feeling pretty tired.

DREWMe too. What time is it?

They start to walk towards the cookie jar.

BULLThat clock over there says it'sabout 4 o'clock.

DREWWhoa! That's it? It feels like moretime has passed.

BULLDo you think getting shrunk affectsthe way time passes?

DREWI don't know! I doubt it. It justseems like so much has happenedtoday.

They get to the cookie jar. There are a few other things nextto it so they've got some good safe space back there.

INT. BEHIND THE COOKIE JAR - SAT. AFTERNOON 4:03 PM

BULLI'm gonna take a nap right here.

He lays down.

29.

CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)


31/59

DREWOkay. I'm gonna sleep here.

BULLOkay. Well, don't wake me up unlesswe're about to get killed by

something.

DREWYeah, okay. I don't know how longI'll sleep.

BULLJust don't bother me if you wakeup. I'm tired.

DREWI'm tired too.

BULLI'm really tired.

They go to sleep.

Suddenly there is a loud sound of the front door opening.Both Bull and Drew wake up. It's dark now. They jump up andlook around the side of the cookie jar. There is a figurewalking in the dark. They are scared.

DREW(groggily)

Who is that!? Is that a burglar?!BULL

No, dummy! It's probably BenGibbard... Zooey's husband!

DREWOh yeah! I forgot she's married.Why did I forget that?

BULLI don't know. Maybe 'cuz we've beenhanging out with her... or at her

house.. without anybody elsehere... like a regular-sizedperson.

They walk back behind the cookie jar.

DREWThis is just too weird.. We reallyneed to formulate a plan.

30.

CONTINUED:

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


32/59

We've gotta get back to regularsize and out from behind thiscookie jar.

BULLWell, we'll have all day tomorrow

to think about that. I'm going backto sleep.

Bull lays back down and closes his eyes. Drew goes back tohis spot and does the same.

INT. BEHIND THE COOKIE JAR - SUNDAY MORNING 8:15 AM

Drew is shaking Bull awake.

DREWHey, man! Wake up!! You've gottasee this!

BULL(half asleep)

What? What's going on?

DREWCome here. There's something overhere that you should see.

BULL(yawning)

What time is it?

DREWIt's a little after 8. You've beenasleep for a pretty long time.

BULLWe're still shrunken, right?

DREWYep.

BULLOf course.

Bull stands up stiffly. He stretches for a second. Drew triesto wave him over to look around the corner of the cookie jar.

DREWSeriously, you should see this.

Bull follows. They turn the corner and Zooey and Ben aresitting at the kitchen table talking.

31.

CONTINUED: (2)DREW (CONT'D)

(CONTINUED)


33/59

BULLWhoa. Both of them right there. Inthe same place. Who woulda'thought..

INT. ZOOEY AND BEN'S KITCHEN - 8:16 AM

Zooey and Ben are sitting at the kitchen table, finishing upbreakfast. Bull and Drew look on though unseen.

ZOOEY...it was just weird. These Q & Athings are normally okay. You thinkI'm crazy I guess.

BENWell, you just said that 2, maybe 3people disappeared at your Q & A.

ZOOEYThat's EXACTLY what happened! TheyVANISHED! There are witnesses.Other people saw it too.

BENZooey. That's just so abnormal.

ZOOEYYou think I've lost my mind?

BEN

No.. no, I don't know what tothink. You normally don't say crazystuff like this.

ZOOEYThat's because I normally don't SEEcrazy stuff like this!

BENYou know, maybe you just need toslow down a little. I mean, you'rein a couple movies a year and aband. Maybe you just need a break.

I don't know.

ZOOEYBen, I don't think that's what itis. I'm pretty good at managing mytime.

32.

CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)


34/59

BENIs it.. is it me? Has gettingmarried complicated your life toomuch?

ZOOEY

(shocked)Ben! No. Don't say that. You're agood part of my life.

They sit in silence for a couple of seconds, picking at theirfood.

ZOOEY (CONTD)(continuing)

You know, I have been pretty busy.This used to not be so hard. I likemaking movies and music but some ofit is so annoying.

BENWhat do you mean?

ZOOEYI get tired of these stupidinterviews. I know it helps getpeople to see the movies but...it's all the same questions overand over again. It drives mebatty..

BENIt's 'cuz you're an artist.

ZOOEYThat's somewhat comforting.

Ben and Zooey finish up at the table and take their dishes tothe sink. They come pretty close to Bull and Drew, who haveto scoot back behind the cookie jar a little more to avoidbeing seen or smashed by the dishes.

ZOOEY (CONTD)(changing the subject)

What time is your band practiceagain?

BENWe're suppose to be there at 9. Ofcourse we probably won't getstarted until 10 or so. And we'llgo for a few hours. Probably 'tilor 5.

33.

CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)


35/59

ZOOEY(looking at the time)

That's pretty soon.... what time doyou think you'll be home?

BEN

Uh... maybe 5.. maybe 6... maybeearlier. Hopefully earlier. Do youhave any plans for the day?

ZOOEYNot really. Probably just gonnahang out around here.

They walk out of the room and their conversation continuesbut fades away.

INT. KITCHEN COUNTER - SUNDAY MORNING 8:28 AM

Bull and Drew pick up some more crumbs to munch on and thinkabout the conversation they just saw.

BULLWe sure are voyeuristic.

DREWDuh. What'd you think about whatthey were talking about?

BULLWhat part?

DREWDid you hear Zooey say that shethinks we disappeared?

BULLI guess it makes sense that shewould see it that way. I mean, fromher perspective that's exactly whathappened.

DREWI wonder what our families are

thinking right now. Nobody evenknows where we are. I wonder whatFaith is thinking. I bet she'scalled me 50 times.

BULLThat girl is wacko, man. This wouldbe a good time to let her downeasy.

34.

CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)


36/59

DREWShe thinks you're wacko too. Butyou know, I bet y'all would getalong if you ever hung out.

BULL

She probably thinks I'm a hermitwho lives with his parents and isalways on the computer.

DREWWell, that's what you are, man.Faith is cool. She's nice. She'soverprotective sometimes but... Iguess it just makes me feelappreciated.

BULLShe's acts like she's your mother.

DREWNot all the time.

BULL(joking)

Just from my perspective.

DREW(brushing it off)

So what are we gonna do, man? Weneed to make a decision.

BULLDecision?

DREWAre we gonna stay tiny or try toget bigger?

BULL(knowing that he's wrong)

Tiny?

They look in the other room and see Ben's guitar case sitting

by the door.

DREWAre you thinking what I'm thinking?

BULLI have no idea what you'rethinking.

35.

CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)


37/59

DREWCome on!

Drew starts to run towards the edge of the kitchen counter.

BULL

Wait! What are you thinking?

DREWWe've gotta get to that guitarcase. Ben is leaving pretty soon.Zooey isn't going anywhere today.We've got to get out of this house.And I think that guitar case is ourticket.

BULLBut I like it here.

DREWWe can't stay here, Bull!

BULLWhy not?

DREWWe just can't! This isn't right.

BULLIt's not so bad.

DREWDude. This is wrong! We have to go.And if we don't go now we'll bestuck here all day!

Bull looks at the guitar case and at the time.

BULLHow the heck are we supposed to getthere in time? It took us allafternoon to travel that faryesterday!

DREWI'm thinking...

Drew looks around and sees a grocery list a few feet overfrom where they are. He runs over to it.

BULLWhat are you doing?

36.

CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)


38/59

DREWI'm gonna make a paper airplane sowe can fly over there.

BULLWhat is this, Honey, I Shrunk The

Kids!? That stuff doesn't work!

DREWWell, how do you know? Come on.

BULLI can't believe this...

DREWWhat's so hard to believe aboutmaking a giant paper airplane tofly 2 shrunken guys to a giantguitar case?

BULLPlease quit talking.

They go to the grocery list and fold it up into an airplane.It doesn't take too long. They point it in the rightdirection.

BULL (CONTD)Do you really think this will work?

DREW

Not really.BULL

Why are we doing this again?

DREW'Cuz we're crazy shrunken people.Let's go!!!

Both guys run and push off. The plane flies in the directionof the guitar case. It's going pretty fast. They cross intothe living room.

INT. BEN & ZOOEY'S LIVING ROOM - SUN. MORNING 8:45 AM

DREWJump off!!

Both guys jump off and land about 5 feet from the guitarcase. They are laying on the ground, a little frazzled butokay.

37.

CONTINUED: (3)

(CONTINUED)


39/59

BULL(looking at the guitarcase)

Wow! We really did get close!! Thatwas seriously amazing!

DREW(impressed)

I can't believe that actually sortof worked. We're pretty good atbeing small.

They can hear Ben walking in their direction but they can'tsee him yet.

DREW (CONTD)Hurry!

Both guys run and jump onto the guitar case and climb inside.Ben walks in, followed by Zooey.

ZOOEYHave a good practice.

BENThanks, Babe. Enjoy the day for me.

They do a quick smooch and then Ben picks up his guitar caseand walks out the door.

INT. INSIDE BEN'S GUITAR CASE - SUN. MORNING 8:47 AM

Bull and Drew sway back and forth as Ben carries his guitarcase across the line.

BULLWhat are you thinking, man?

DREW(thinking)

Hold on, I'm still thinking...

EXT. BEN'S CAR - SUN. MORNING 8:48 AM

Ben puts his guitar case in the back seat, gets in, startsthe car and drives off.

INT. BEN'S CAR - SUN. MORNING 8:49 AM

As Ben drives, Bull and Drew climb out of the guitar case.Drew leads Bull on a hike up Ben's leg and all the way toBen's front shirt pocket.

38.

CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)


40/59

Somehow, Ben doesn't see or feel them and they get to thepocket just as he pulls into a gas station and turns the caroff.

Ben gets out of the car and goes into the gas station to getsome cigarettes or gum ( I don't know if he smokes or not).

INT. GAS STATION - SUN. MORNING 9:00 AM

He waits in line to pay the cashier. The guys are still inhis pocket.

BULLWhat are we doing?

DREWWe're waiting for the right moment.

BULLTo do what?

DREWTo get Ben's attention.

Ben pays, puts the cigarettes (or gum) in his pocket andwalks back outside. The cigarettes (or gum) land right nextto Bull and Drew.

EXT. GAS STATION - SUN. MORNING 9:02 AM

On his way back to his car, Ben is confronted by 2 Death Cab

For Cutie fans.FAN # 1

(to the other)It's Ben Gibbard!

FAN # 2Whoa!

FAN # 1(to Ben)

Ben Gibbard. Hi. You're BenGibbard.

BENI'm Ben Gibbard. Yes.

FAN # 1We love your music. We are yourbiggest fans.

39.

CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)


41/59

BENOh. Thank you.

FAN # 1Um.. do you care if we take apicture with you?

BENThat's fine.

One of the fans pulls out a camera. They pose next to Ben. Hesmiles politely and they take the picture.

FAN # 1Thanks again!

BENYeah. Thank you. Ya'll take care.

FAN # 2You take care too, Ben Gibbard!

BENOkay... Alright.. see y'all later.

Ben walks away from the fans and back to his car. This is apretty normal thing for him so he isn't very annoyed by it.

INT. BEN'S CAR - SUN. MORNING 9:05 AM

Ben starts his car and drives off. As he does, he reaches

into his pocket to grab a cigarette (or stick of gum). Drewnotices what's happening and without thinking jumps ontoBen's fingers as he's lifting the cigarette (or gum) to hismouth. Bull is wide-eyed.

As Ben puts the cigarette (or gum) to his mouth, Drew jumpsoff Ben's fingers and into his beard. Then he climbs up hisbeard to the hair on top of his head. Ben quickly brushes hisbeard with his hand, thinking there's a bug in his beard. Hemisses Drew by a few centimeters.

Drew climbs down into Ben's ear and shouts-

DREWBEN!!!!

Ben freaks out and shakes his head. He thinks he's crazy fora second. He might swerve a little in traffic. Drew falls allthe way back down to the car seat, in minor shock.

40.

CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)


42/59

Bull looks out from Ben's shirt pocket and see's Drew in thecar seat. Ben's car stops and he turns the engine off. He'sat the practice space.

Bull stays put in Ben's pocket. Drew runs back to the guitarcase in the back seat and climbs in.

Ben gets out of the car and walks quickly into the building.

INT. INSIDE BEN'S GUITAR CASE - SUN. MORNING 9:10 AM

Drew hears Ben leave the car and realizes that he's been leftbehind. There are a couple of beats of him afraid about this.

EXT. PRACTICE SPACE BUILDING - SUN. MORNING 9:11 AM

Suddenly, Ben walks back out the door because he forgot hisguitar case. He quickly grabs the case and runs back in thebuilding. Inside the case Drew is relieved.

INT. DEATH CAB PRACTICE SPACE - SUN. MORNING 9:12 AM

Ben walks in the room, guitar case in hand, and greets theother members of the band. They are already plugged in andready to go. They've been warming up.

BENOkay. Sorry, I'm late guys. What'sgoing on? What are we playing?

CHRIS WALLA

Let's run through ______ (someDeath Cab song).

BENCool.

JASON MCGERR counts off and the band starts playing. Duringthe intro, Ben opens up his guitar case and pulls it out. Heplugs it in, does a quick tune and checks the levels andstarts playing along with everybody else.

As Ben plays the guitar it is revealed that Drew is holdingonto the guitar for dear life.

Meanwhile, Bull is still in Ben's front shirt pocket.

As the band continues to play, Drew gets a better footing onBen's guitar and is trying to get Ben's attention. It isn'tworking too well.

Ben swings the guitar and Drew loses his grip and balance andfalls off onto the floor below.

41.

CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)


43/59

Bull sees this and realizes that it's his turn to act. Heclimbs out of Ben's pocket and up to his face. Ben is singingpretty close to the microphone right now. Bull takes a flyingleap to the microphone when Ben is close. He lands on themicrophone somehow.

Bull climbs down to the microphone and talks directly intoit. His little voice booms through the monitors in the middleof their song.

BULL'S VOICEDEATH CAB FOR CUTIE! DEATH CAB FORCUTIE! CAN YOU HEAR ME???

The band continues to play, each member thinking he's hearingsomething. Bull tries again.

BULL'S VOICE (CONTD)DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE! ATTENTIONDEATH CAB FOR CUTIE!

The song comes to a sudden halt.

NICK HARMERWHAT is GOING ON?!?!

BENDid you guys hear that?!

BULL'S VOICEDEATH CAB FOR CUTIE! CAN YOU HEAR

ME, DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE??BEN

Yes. Death Cab for Cutie can hearyou! Who is that? What is happeningright now?

BULL'S VOICEPlease hear me out. My name is Bulland I have been shrunken.

CHRIS WALLAWhat?! Shrunken? Huh?

BULL'S VOICEPlease give me a moment to explainmyself.

BENThat's fine. Please explainyourself.

42.

CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)


44/59

BULL'S VOICEI was shrunken yesterday with myfriend Drew, who is somewherearound here. Probably on the floorsomewhere.

The band looks around on the ground quickly, suddenly afraidof stepping on a tiny man.

BULL'S VOICE (CONTD)I was at a Zooey Deschanel Q & Aand a man... a janitor actually...came and shot both me and Drew.

BENWait. Zooey, might have told meabout this. She said you guysdisappeared. I didn't know what shewas talking about. Are you tryingto say that you guys were...shrunken instead!?

BULL'S VOICEYes. We were shrunken and then theguy who shrunk us shrunk himself.

CHRIS WALLAThe janitor guy? He shrunk too?

BULL'S VOICEPrecisely. But then somebody

stepped on him. So he's dead now.BEN

Wow. Really? That's gross. Andawful. How did you get to ourpractice? Did you turn into aghost?

BULL'S VOICENo. Drew and I are both stillalive, only we are the size ofdimes!

NICK HARMERWait a second. Where are you, Bull?

BULL'S VOICEI'm hanging onto Ben's microphoneand talking into it so you guys canhear me.

43.

CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)


45/59

The whole band seems amazed by this and they crowd aroundclose to the microphone and sure enough they can see Bull,who is waving at them.

CHRIS WALLAWow! Look at him! He really is

tiny! That's crazy!

JASON MCGERRWhy are you here, little guy?

BULL'S VOICEIt's kind of a long story but wegot in Zooey's purse and followedher to her house and spent thenight there.

This was the wrong thing to say.

BENWait. Are you saying that you guyshave been riding in my wife's purseand living at our house?!

BULL'S VOICEWell, we were under your couch fora little while... and we slept inyour kitchen, behind your cookiejar. Oh, and we ate some of yourfood. Not very much of course.

BENThis happened all yesterday andlast night?

BULL'S VOICEYeah. We've been watching yourwife...

BEN(getting bothered)

Dude, you are saying the wrongthings here. I was feeling sorryfor you when you said you got

shrunk but now you're saying thatyou were inside my wife's purse andliving in our kitchen. Dude, thatbothers me! That's seriouslydisturbing. And how much of ourfood did you eat?

44.

CONTINUED: (3)

(CONTINUED)


46/59

BULL'S VOICESeriously. It wasn't very much.Like a few crumbs. We're so small,you know. It didn't take a lot tofill us up.

BENAnd where is your friend? I don'tlike this..

BULL'S VOICEI don't know exactly. Maybe by theguitar case... on the floor..

Little Bull points at little Drew who is waving from thefloor by the case.

NICK HARMERThat is freaking weird!

Ben picks up the little Drew by the shirt, careful not tosquish him. Drew is kicking and screaming though nobody canhear him. Ben stares at Drew, angry.

BENI'll be right back.

Ben walks out of the room for a second and comes back with anempty jar.

BEN (CONTD)

I don't know what to do with youguys yet but until I figure it out,you're both going in this jar.

BULL'S VOICENO, I DON'T THINK THAT'S a GOOD ID--

Bull's comment is cut short as Ben pulls him away from themicrophone and puts hum and Drew in the jar. He sets it downon a table or a bench and then punches breathing holes in thetop. Bull and Drew stand there and look out as Death Cab forCutie stares them down.

INT. BEN AND ZOOEY'S HOUSE - SUNDAY MORNING 9:30 AM

Zooey is sitting on a chair somewhere, strumming her guitarand singing to herself. Suddenly the phone rings so she getssnapped out of her concentration. She picks up the phone.

ZOOEY(into the phone)

Hello? Hey.

45.

CONTINUED: (4)

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)


47/59

(listening)Huh? Wait. Slow down.

(listening)Shrunken?

(listening)No. Oh my. Since Yesterday?

(listening)So, I'm not crazy.

(listening)Okay. I'm on my way.

Zooey hangs up the phone.

INT. ZOOEY'S CAR - SUNDAY MORNING, 9:32 AM

Zooey drives manically to the practice space.

INT. DEATH CAB PRACTICE SPACE - SUN. MORNING 9:45 AM

Close up on Bull and Drew, who look pretty nervous, not surewhat's going on or what Ben is planning for them.

Zooey bursts in, she's pissed and confused. The first thingshe does is walk over to the jar that is sitting in themiddle of the room on a bench and seems to be the center ofattention, of course.

ZOOEY(looking at Bull and Drew)

Holy crap. There really areshrunken guys in there! Are there

any more? How did this happen?BEN

(trying to calm her down)I don't know. We just found them.One was talking to us from themicrophone. I think they weretrying to get our attention. But...this is just too weird.

Bull is waving his hands at Zooey.

ZOOEY

It looks like one of 'em wants tosay more.

BENIt's your call, Ma'am. Whatever youwant to do.

46.

CONTINUED:ZOOEY (CONT'D)

(CONTINUED)


48/59

ZOOEYWell, I can't say I don't have anyquestions..

Quick cut to Bull standing in front of the giant microphoneagain. Drew is standing next to him.

ZOOEY (CONTD)Okay, so who are you guys?

BULLMy name is Bull and that guy isDrew. We run a website that'sdevoted to you. We are fans, Zooey.And we didn't mean for any of thisto happen.

ZOOEYWhat kind of website? Is it one ofthose ones that puts celebrityfaces on pictures of naked bodiesand stuff?

BULLNO! No Way! We are a tasteful site.It's called The Zooey Zone. We havegreat respect for your gifts. Wetry to celebrate your movies andmusic.

ZOOEY

(semi flattered)Why do you do that exactly?

BULLWe think you're great, Zooey. We'rejust fans.

BEN(getting frustrated)

Wait! So how did you guys getshrunken? And why are you here?

BULL

This guy just came up and shot uswith his shrinking gun thing. Idon't know how that worked. But heshrank himself. And... we think hemay have been meaning to shrinkZooey..

47.

CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)


49/59

ZOOEY(shocked)

WHAT?!

DREW(entering the

conversation)We don't know for sure! There's noway to know at this point. And he'sdead now so... the mystery diedwith him..

BEN(disappointed)

How unsatisfying...

BULLThe thing is... please don't beangry. We didn't mean to getshrunk. We're just trying to figureout what to do now. Please. Pleasedon't squish us.

BEN(to Bull and Drew)

Zooey and I need to speakseparately for a second, okay?

Ben pulls Zooey aside and they talk quietly to each other soBull and Drew can't hear them.

BEN (CONTD)What are we gonna do?

ZOOEYWhat can we do?

BENWe can't keep 'em. I think theywant us to in a way. But.. we can'tdo that. I mean, they probably havelives to get back to. Do you thinkthey have lives to get back to?

ZOOEYI don't know! I hope they do! Butyou're right. We can't keep themhere. Do you think.... do you thinkit's possible to grow them back?And then put a restraining order onthem or something?

48.

CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)


50/59

BENWe've gotta' do something.

ZOOEY(hmmmm)

I think I might have an idea! Put

the guys back in the jar and comewith me to the car!

BENIs it okay if I drive?

INT. BEN OR ZOOEY'S CAR - SUNDAY MORNING 10:15 AM

Ben is driving and Zooey is holding the jar with the guys.

ZOOEYI think we should go back tothe_______ where my Q & A was. Ifthat ray gun thing is anywhere,maybe it's on the ground someplace.Maybe it got shrunken itself in thehubbub. I think... I remember thegun disappearing too.

BEN(impressed)

You know, that's the best idea I'veheard.

ZOOEY

I hope this works.EXT. BUILDING WHERE THE Q & A WAS - SUNDAY MORNING 10:25 AM

The car pulls into the parking lot of the building. It'spretty empty, this being Sunday morning and all. They get outof the car and walk towards the front door, holding the jar.

BENDo you think we'll be able to getin? It looks like they're closed.

ZOOEY

(looking in the window)There's gotta' be somebody inside.

BENEven if they're is somebody here,do you think they'll let us in?

49.

CONTINUED: (3)

(CONTINUED)


51/59

ZOOEYAbsolutely. We're Zooey Deschaneland Ben Gibbard. We'll get in.

A security guard inside sees them and walks over, unlocks thedoor and cracks it open so he can talk to them.

SECURITY GUARDCan I help you?

ZOOEYI'm Zooey Deschanel and I was hereyesterday.

SECURITY GUARDI know who you are.

ZOOEYWell, I think I forgot something inthe building yesterday.

SECURITY GUARDOh yeah? You think I'm gonna' justlet you in?

ZOOEYWell...

SECURITY GUARDMrs. Deschanel. Mr. Gibbard. Let'scut the crap. You didn't leave

anything in the building, did you?ZOOEY

(caught)Uh.. no.

SECURITY GUARDI wasn't here yesterday but I heardwhat happened. About the...disappearances...

ZOOEYUh huh..

SECURITY GUARDThere was a janitor who workedhere. He was one of the ones who...disappeared.

ZOOEYRight..

50.

CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)


52/59

SECURITY GUARDBut we all know what happened,right?

ZOOEYSorta..

SECURITY GUARDThat guy was only working here fora few weeks. They did a backgroundcheck on him before they hired himand they found out that he'd spentsome time in a mental institutionclaiming that he wanted to...shrink celebrities.

ZOOEY(not surprised butpretending)

Wow.

BENListen. You've figured most of itout but let me help you. We foundthese two shrunken guys at my bandpractice this morning and they saidthey got shrunk yesterday atZooey's Q & A... and they've beenfollowing us... and... we've gotta'get them grown back to regular sizeif possible.

SECURITY GUARDSo they're still alive, huh?

BENYeah. See?

Ben holds the jar up to the security guard's face. He'samazed.

SECURITY GUARDWow. So that crazy janitor waspartly right... at least about

trying to shrink people. My guessis that he was trying to shoot you,Mrs. Deschanel. Good thing thosetiny guys got in the way... itcoulda' been you in that jar.

Zooey and Ben hadn't really thought of it that way.

51.

CONTINUED: (2)

(CONTINUED)


53/59

BENCan you help us?

SECURITY GUARDDo you know what it is you'relooking for?

ZOOEYIt's some kind of shrinking raygun... but it's shrunken.

SECURITY GUARDCould this be it?

He holds up the palm of his hand. At first it looks likethere's nothing in it. Then Ben and Zooey strain a little andcan see the tiny gun.

SECURITY GUARD (CONTD)I had a bit of a head's up aboutthe janitor. After the situationyesterday I did a quick search ofthe area. You know, that gun ispretty small. Those miniature guysmight have to UNshrink themselves.

Ben looks at Zooey and they agree without having to talkabout it to let the guys out of the jar and give them thegun. They unscrew the top and set it on the ground. Bull andDrew walk out.

Then the security guard squats down and sets the gun next tothem.

Up close at Bull and Drew:

DREWThey're gonna let us try tounshrink ourselves. That's nice ofthem.

BULL(picking up the gun)

Yeah. Do you think this will work?

DREWI don't know.

Bull looks at the side of the gun. There is a reverse switch.

BULLMaybe this will do it.

52.

CONTINUED: (3)

(CONTINUED)


54/59

He switches the switch.

BULL (CONTD)Well, who's first?

DREW

I'll go first if you want.

BULLOkay. If I don't see you again,tell Zooey that I love her.

DREW(lying)

Will do.

Bull points the gun at Drew and pulls the trigger.

Drew grows back to regular size. He looks down. Everythingseems to be fine. Everybody is smiling.

BENHey! Welcome back to regular size,man.

DREWHey. Thanks!

Suddenly Bull appears next to him. He seems to be fine too.

ZOOEY

Wow. So y'all really did shrink?BULL

Hi, Zooey.

ZOOEYOkay. Yeah. Hello.

The guys are really happy and high five each other. Then theytry to high five Ben and Zooey. They let them. Everybody highfives each other, even the security guard.

BEN

Let's get outta' here!

He and Zooey walk towards their car. Bull and Drew follow.Ben turns around.

BEN (CONTD)Nope. You guys can't come with us.You've gotta' go back and live yourlives.

53.

CONTINUED: (4)

(CONTINUED)


55/59

BULLBut.. but...

BENNo. No "buts". We've gotta' go. Meand Zooey. Y'all go somewhere else.

Ben and Zooey climb into the car (Zooey is in the driver'sseat).

ZOOEY(as she starts the car)

And don't talk about this in TheZooey Zone!

The car revs and they take off. Zooey's driving isquestionable.

Bull and Drew look at each other.

That's that.

INT. BULL'S MOM'S CAR - SUNDAY MORNING 11:03 AM

Bull and Drew drive out of the parking lot.

DREWWhat a wild weekend. I couldn'thave predicted any of that.

BULL

Yeah. I wish we found out moreabout that janitor. And... it seemslike after all that happened weshould've ended up friends with Benand Zooey but...

DREWWell, at least we grew back tonormal size.

BULLYeah. I think this is the size wewere meant to be.

DREWYeah.

They continue driving.

NEXT DAY

54.

CONTINUED: (5)


56/59

INT. MALL CELL PHONE STORE - MONDAY EVENING 6:30 PM

Drew is back in the cell phone store, finishing up with acustomer. A familiar voice comes in:

VOICE

You look shorter.

Drew turns around. It's Faith.

DREWShorter? No. I think I'm... regularsize..

FAITHWhere have you been, man? I'vecalled you a million times. Did youget any of my messages?

DREWWell, I was gonna call you backtonight after I get off. Yeah. Igot some of your messages. Sorry.This has been a... weird weekend.

FAITHWell, I was worried about you. I'mglad to see that you're alive.

DREWI'm alive... I...

FAITHDrew. Listen. I want to ask yousomething.

DREWOkay. What?

FAITH(nervously)

Um.. do I overwhelm you? I mean...am I scaring you off?

DREW(hesitant)I don't know.

FAITHI think I am. I don't mean to belike that. It's just that... I justlike you a lot. I'm.. I'm sorry ifI act weird about it.

55.

(CONTINUED)


57/59

DREWYou're fine. It's okay. I like youa lot too. I just don't know whatto do about it all the time. Idon't want you to think I don'tcare. I care. I just care at a more

normal amount maybe.

Faith laughs at this. They have a little huggy/kissy moment.Smiles.

INT. BEN AND ZOOEY'S LIVING ROOM - MONDAY NIGHT 6:55 PM

Ben and Zooey are spooning on the couch, watching TV.

BEN(whispering in her ear)

Think there are any more shrunkenguys in our house?

ZOOEY(smiling)

I sure hope not.

BENListen, if any more turn up, willyou let me squish them?

ZOOEYYes. You can squish them.

BENThat was not normal at all.

ZOOEYNo.

BENYour new movie comes out nextweekend.

ZOOEYYeah.

BENAnd your new CD comes out nextmonth.

ZOOEYIt's true.

56.

CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)


58/59

BENGood thing you're all over theinternet or I'd never see you.

Zooey elbows Ben in the ribs.

INT. BULL'S BASEMENT OFFICE/BEDROOM - MONDAY NIGHT 7:00 PM

Bull walks into his domain and sits down at his computer.He's looking at pictures of Zooey on the internet. He lookssad.

Suddenly there's a knock on the door. It's his mother.

BULL'S MOMHey, Scooter. How was your weekend?

BULLIt was great. Best weekend ever.

BULL'S MOMDid you get to see Zooey?

BULLYeah.

BULL'S MOMDid you get to ask her anyquestions?

BULL

Yeah. She wasn't as friendly as Iwas hoping.

BULL'S MOMReally? Sorry to hear that.

BULLIt's okay. I don't know what I wasexpecting.

BULL'S MOMWell, I'm making some pizza fordinner. Want some?

BULLPizza sounds really good.

BULL'S MOMI love you, Bull.

BULLI love you too, Mom.

57.

CONTINUED:

(CONTINUED)


59/59

As his mother shuts the door, Bull is smiling politely. Thenhe turns to the computer screen with a cold look in his eyes.He stares at Zooey. Then he looks down and opens up a deskdrawer. The Diminishing Ray is sitting in it.

Bull reaches down and turns the reverse switch back. Then he

shuts the drawer again and looks back at the computer screen.

Zooey is staring back at him.

The mouse on the computer screen goes up to the corner of thewindow and closes it out.

CUT TO BLACK:

THE END

58.

CONTINUED:

Honey, I Got Shrunk and Ended Up With Zooey Deschanel

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