Hitch Ebglish Subtitle

100:00:47,500 --> 00:00:49,300Basic principles.

200:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,300No woman wakes up saying.

300:00:51,620 --> 00:00:54,501"God, I hope I don't getswept off my feet today."

400:00:57,301 --> 00:01:01,621Now, she might say,"This is a really bad time for me."

500:01:03,781 --> 00:01:07,782Or something like, "I just need some space."

600:01:09,302 --> 00:01:11,782Or my personal favorite.

700:01:12,022 --> 00:01:14,502"I'm really into my career right now."

800:01:17,622 --> 00:01:20,023You believe that? Neither does she.

900:01:20,102 --> 00:01:23,903You know why?Because she's lying to you, that's why.

10

00:01:24,503 --> 00:01:26,983You understand me? Lying.

1100:01:27,783 --> 00:01:31,384It's not a bad time for her.She doesn't need any space.

1200:01:31,504 --> 00:01:33,304She may be into her career...

1300:01:33,383 --> 00:01:36,904but what she's really saying is,"Get away from me now."

1400:01:37,304 --> 00:01:39,785Or possibly, "Try harder, stupid."

1500:01:42,704 --> 00:01:44,425Well, which one is it?

1600:01:44,504 --> 00:01:48,58560%% of all human communicationis nonverbal.

1700:01:48,905 --> 00:01:50,305Body language.

1800:01:50,505 --> 00:01:52,42530%% is your tone.

1900:01:52,905 --> 00:01:56,505So that means that90%% of what you're saying...

2000:01:56,705 --> 00:01:58,985ain't coming out of your mouth.

2100:02:01,786 --> 00:02:02,906Toby!

2200:02:04,426 --> 00:02:05,386Shit!

2300:02:05,506 --> 00:02:06,706Of course she'll lie to you.

2400:02:06,907 --> 00:02:09,507She's a nice person,she doesn't wanna hurt your feelings.

2500:02:09,627 --> 00:02:12,107What else is she gonna say?She doesn't even know you.

2600:02:12,307 --> 00:02:13,307Yet.

2700:02:15,987 --> 00:02:18,707Luckily, the fact isthat just like the rest of us...

2800:02:18,907 --> 00:02:23,107even a beautiful woman doesn't knowwhat she wants until she sees it.

2900:02:23,308 --> 00:02:24,907And that's where I come in.

3000:02:24,988 --> 00:02:27,108My job is to open her eyes.

3100:02:29,508 --> 00:02:30,828Oh, my God!3200:02:34,908 --> 00:02:36,828Is this what you're looking for?

3300:02:36,909 --> 00:02:40,709Basic principles: No matter what,no matter when, no matter who...

3400:02:40,829 --> 00:02:44,109any man has a chanceto sweep any woman off her feet.

3500:02:44,509 --> 00:02:46,309Just needs the right broom.

3600:02:55,310 --> 00:02:57,510You cannot use what you do not have.

3700:02:57,630 --> 00:03:00,510So if you're shy, be shy.If you're outgoing, be outgoing.

3800:03:00,591 --> 00:03:02,990- I'm not outgoing.- That's okay.

39

00:03:03,110 --> 00:03:06,431She may not want the whole truth,but she does want the real you.

4000:03:06,510 --> 00:03:09,711She may not want to see it all at once,but she does want to see it.

4100:03:09,911 --> 00:03:14,511So tonight, when you're wondering whatto say, how you look, or if she likes you...

4200:03:14,591 --> 00:03:17,392just remember, she is already out with you.

4300:03:17,712 --> 00:03:21,712That means she said yeswhen she could have said no.

4400:03:21,912 --> 00:03:25,712That means she made a planwhen she could have just blown you off.

4500:03:25,912 --> 00:03:29,712So that means it is no longer your jobto try to make her like you.

4600:03:29,913 --> 00:03:32,713It is your job not to mess it up.

47

00:03:35,913 --> 00:03:38,313The shoes are hot.You went to the place I told you?

4800:03:38,433 --> 00:03:42,833Yeah, but I don't think they're really me.

4900:03:43,233 --> 00:03:46,513"You" is a very fluid concept right now.

5000:03:46,513 --> 00:03:50,034You bought the shoes.You look great in the shoes.

5100:03:50,114 --> 00:03:51,794That's the you I'm talking about.

5200:03:54,514 --> 00:03:57,235The key tonight is hang back.

5300:03:58,195 --> 00:04:00,115Give her plenty of space.

5400:04:00,835 --> 00:04:03,636If she lingers at a photograph, move on.

5500:04:05,516 --> 00:04:07,515But maintain the visual.

5600:04:11,236 --> 00:04:15,796It's supposed to be 64 and clear tonight.

So when you leave the club, walk a little.

5700:04:15,916 --> 00:04:18,117Ask her what she thought about the show...

5800:04:18,196 --> 00:04:20,916what was her favorite photograph,why that one.

5900:04:20,916 --> 00:04:24,196And when she answers,don't be looking at her mouth.

6000:04:24,317 --> 00:04:26,917Don't be wonderingwhat she looks like naked.

6100:04:26,997 --> 00:04:30,318Listen to what she is saying and respond.

6200:04:30,717 --> 00:04:33,117Listen and respond.

6300:04:33,718 --> 00:04:35,518That way, when it's your turn to talk...

6400:04:35,638 --> 00:04:38,398you'll have something better to say than,"I like your mouth."

65

00:04:38,518 --> 00:04:40,718What was your favorite one?

6600:04:41,518 --> 00:04:43,518The elephant, definitely.

6700:04:43,639 --> 00:04:46,199And all of a sudden,we're on date number two.

6800:04:49,919 --> 00:04:50,999Ready.

6900:04:56,719 --> 00:04:57,919No way.

7000:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,520We're going back in there.You have to smile.

7100:05:02,720 --> 00:05:06,200In case you didn't go to high school,hitting is a good thing.

7200:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,720So how does it happen, great love?

7300:05:08,920 --> 00:05:09,921Are you okay?

7400:05:10,041 --> 00:05:11,640- Nobody knows.- I'm good.

7500:05:11,721 --> 00:05:14,921Let me get a Bomb Popand a Screwball for the lady.

7600:05:15,001 --> 00:05:19,121But what I can tell you,is that it happens in the blink of an eye.

7700:05:21,401 --> 00:05:23,841One moment, you're enjoying your life.

7800:05:23,921 --> 00:05:27,921And the next, you're wonderinghow you ever lived without them.

7900:05:29,122 --> 00:05:31,122Three dates is all I need.

8000:05:31,722 --> 00:05:35,522Three dates, and I'll get you here,to the high-stakes medal round...

8100:05:35,642 --> 00:05:38,523where eight out of 10 womenbelieve that the first kiss...

8200:05:38,602 --> 00:05:42,323will tell them everything they need to knowabout the relationship.

83

00:06:10,605 --> 00:06:12,925After that, you're on your own.

8400:06:13,525 --> 00:06:15,325But always remember...

8500:06:15,725 --> 00:06:18,526life is not the amount of breaths you take.

8600:06:20,125 --> 00:06:23,006It's the moments that take your breath away.

8700:06:27,246 --> 00:06:29,406Did I call it or did I call it?

8800:06:29,647 --> 00:06:31,646I mean, what did I say, six months?

8900:06:31,807 --> 00:06:33,406And when was her first date?

9000:06:33,647 --> 00:06:36,447So five-and-a-half?God, I hate it when I'm right.

9100:06:36,607 --> 00:06:40,127What is it about guys that makes themwant to screw anything that walks...

9200:06:40,127 --> 00:06:43,328

even when they're going out withsomeone as awesome as Allegra Cole?

9300:06:43,527 --> 00:06:46,127She's only the most fabulous thingwalking around New York.

9400:06:46,208 --> 00:06:47,328Thanks, Young.

9500:06:47,328 --> 00:06:49,648Are you kidding?Of course I'm gonna run it.

9600:06:49,728 --> 00:06:52,928Why should she waste her hearton some Swedish aristo-brat?

9700:06:53,128 --> 00:06:55,009Even if he is gorgeous.

9800:06:55,328 --> 00:06:56,728If he's stupid enough to cheat...

9900:06:56,848 --> 00:06:59,249the world should knowhe's dumb enough to get caught.

10000:06:59,329 --> 00:07:01,649Exactly. I'm in the elevator.See you in a minute.

101

00:07:01,729 --> 00:07:03,809Good morning, how are you?

10200:07:04,129 --> 00:07:05,929Bitter, party of one.

10300:07:07,249 --> 00:07:08,449You should try it sometime.

10400:07:08,530 --> 00:07:11,650Barbados by myself?I wouldn't last five minutes.

10500:07:11,730 --> 00:07:13,410It was just what the doctor ordered.

10600:07:13,650 --> 00:07:16,930I slept in, I did my yoga,I read a couple of books...

10700:07:17,010 --> 00:07:18,610flirted with my scuba instructor.

10800:07:18,730 --> 00:07:21,731- And apparently never left the office.- I know, isn't that great?

10900:07:21,810 --> 00:07:23,810You should've taken someone with you.

11000:07:24,051 --> 00:07:26,051Who am I gonna take with me?

11100:07:26,130 --> 00:07:28,331This is where a boyfriend comes in handy.

11200:07:28,450 --> 00:07:32,731- I don't have time for a boyfriend.- You said that two years ago.

11300:07:32,851 --> 00:07:35,731Yes, and it's as true today as it was then.

11400:07:36,052 --> 00:07:37,651I thought you were on vacation.

11500:07:37,732 --> 00:07:40,932See if these are in focusand have them in my desk in an hour.

11600:07:41,132 --> 00:07:45,332Besides, relationships are for peoplewaiting for something better to come along.

11700:07:45,413 --> 00:07:47,652Spoken like a true cynic.

11800:07:47,932 --> 00:07:49,732I'm not a cynic. I'm a realist.

11900:07:49,933 --> 00:07:54,133You are a realist masquerading as a cynic

who is secretly an optimist.

12000:07:54,212 --> 00:07:56,733What are you doing here?What is she doing here?

12100:07:56,934 --> 00:07:58,333She works here, remember?

12200:07:58,533 --> 00:08:01,014No, she doesn't. Not for another four days.

12300:08:01,134 --> 00:08:02,934- This couldn't wait.- It could.

12400:08:03,013 --> 00:08:04,854What are you doing? Go back to the beach.

12500:08:04,934 --> 00:08:07,654- I don't want you here.- No, really, you do.

12600:08:07,734 --> 00:08:10,614You are becominga sick, workaholic lunatic...

12700:08:10,734 --> 00:08:12,334and this is exactly...

12800:08:12,535 --> 00:08:16,455the kind of nervous, overwrought behaviorthat leads to...

12900:08:16,615 --> 00:08:19,335Pictures of Sebby with a busty brunette.

13000:08:19,655 --> 00:08:22,215A very big raise.

13100:08:22,455 --> 00:08:25,735Jesus. You could find dirt in a snowstorm.

13200:08:26,216 --> 00:08:27,655Comes with the job.

13300:08:27,736 --> 00:08:32,216You know, kiddo, there is more to lifethan watching other people live it.

13400:08:32,856 --> 00:08:35,016Can I help he was cheating on my beach?

13500:08:35,136 --> 00:08:37,536I think it's greatthat you're so good at your job.

13600:08:37,736 --> 00:08:40,217I'm just a little worried as to why.

13700:08:41,656 --> 00:08:43,536Let me worry about that.

13800:08:43,936 --> 00:08:46,857Okay. I want that column on my deskby lunch.

13900:08:46,937 --> 00:08:48,217So you'll pay for my hotel?

14000:08:48,337 --> 00:08:51,657For you to sip mai tais?I don't think so. Get out.

14100:09:03,659 --> 00:09:04,938- Come on.- What?

14200:09:05,139 --> 00:09:06,458- That's good, right?- No.

14300:09:06,538 --> 00:09:08,139No, it was in and it freaked out.

14400:09:08,139 --> 00:09:12,059You know what your problem is, Hitch?You're all about the short game.

14500:09:13,659 --> 00:09:16,739You pick your shotsbased on what you see first...

14600:09:17,139 --> 00:09:20,340not what's necessarily best for you...

14700:09:21,420 --> 00:09:22,940in the long run.

14800:09:23,740 --> 00:09:27,940All of us are not married to the womanof our dreams and about to have a baby.

14900:09:28,060 --> 00:09:31,420You know, I'm very happy for you.Just not meant for everybody.

15000:09:31,540 --> 00:09:34,341So please just leave me to my hot, sweaty...

15100:09:34,461 --> 00:09:37,541totally varied, wildly experimentalshort game.

15200:09:38,460 --> 00:09:41,541- I was talking about pool, but whatever.- Yeah, okay.

15300:09:41,742 --> 00:09:44,342Honestly, I just hope one dayyou're able to experience...

15400:09:44,462 --> 00:09:47,941the unconditional love, trust,and openness...

155

00:09:48,142 --> 00:09:49,942that I share with Grace every single day.

15600:09:50,062 --> 00:09:53,542- Is this really barroom talk?- You need to listen to me. I'm serious.

15700:09:53,663 --> 00:09:56,222Because when you get to a placewith a woman like that...

15800:09:56,342 --> 00:09:58,143it's so beyond anything physical that...

15900:09:58,222 --> 00:10:00,743when I think back towhen I used to run around with you...

16000:10:00,942 --> 00:10:03,743and chase all these really gorgeousbut shallow women...

16100:10:03,823 --> 00:10:08,623I don't know, it's kind of ridiculousand vaguely pathetic.

16200:10:15,424 --> 00:10:18,344Yeah, I see what you mean. That's pathetic.

163

00:10:22,624 --> 00:10:23,944So, how'd you meet him?

16400:10:24,144 --> 00:10:26,945I was in La Perlajust buying some weekend thongs.

16500:10:27,065 --> 00:10:29,424- And he was doing likewise?- No.

16600:10:29,945 --> 00:10:32,745Actually, he said he was buying somethingfor his mom.

16700:10:32,865 --> 00:10:34,066His mom?

16800:10:34,346 --> 00:10:36,946Casey, who buys high-priced lingeriefor their mother?

16900:10:36,946 --> 00:10:39,226Well, maybe he was looking for a robe.

17000:10:39,546 --> 00:10:43,746Casey, he was hitting on you whilehe was buying lingerie for another woman.

17100:10:44,626 --> 00:10:48,146- I prefer the mother story.

- I know you do, but that's not the point.

17200:10:48,346 --> 00:10:51,427No, the point is I'm not gonna start outassuming the guy's a liar.

17300:10:51,547 --> 00:10:54,067- Why not?- Because that's how you wind up...

17400:10:55,347 --> 00:10:57,227Like me? Is that what you were gonna say?

17500:10:57,347 --> 00:10:59,747No. I was gonna say, "Like you."

17600:11:00,147 --> 00:11:01,947- What's his name?- Why?

17700:11:02,467 --> 00:11:04,748- I'm gonna Google him.- No. Google your own guy.

17800:11:04,868 --> 00:11:06,748Let's just see if his mother's still alive.

17900:11:06,868 --> 00:11:09,668- So when is Grace due again?- Soon.

180

00:11:10,148 --> 00:11:12,548- You excited?- What'd you say?

18100:11:12,868 --> 00:11:15,348Do you want me to go get themand bring them over here?

18200:11:15,429 --> 00:11:16,548No, don't do that.

18300:11:16,629 --> 00:11:20,548Are you saying you don't wanna talk to thembecause you can't go home with them?

18400:11:20,629 --> 00:11:22,749I'm just trying to keep my head above water.

18500:11:22,949 --> 00:11:25,549- Have you heard of the Date Doctor?- Urban myth.

18600:11:25,669 --> 00:11:26,869- Really?- Absolutely.

18700:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,469I was hoping he also helped women.

18800:11:28,629 --> 00:11:31,550Casey, you're not sick. You're single.

18900:11:31,750 --> 00:11:34,070You just have to relax and enjoy the ride.

19000:11:34,150 --> 00:11:36,230I haven't been ridden in months.

19100:11:39,271 --> 00:11:43,950On that happy note, I'm gonna go seeif anybody interesting came in tonight.

19200:11:44,151 --> 00:11:46,231- You mean, besides me.- Right.

19300:11:46,871 --> 00:11:47,751Bye.

19400:11:47,831 --> 00:11:50,151I'll go get those girls,bring them over here...

19500:11:50,231 --> 00:11:52,471and we'll have a conversationlike human beings.

19600:11:52,551 --> 00:11:56,151Then you're gonna home,and I'll take them back to my apartment.

19700:11:56,151 --> 00:12:00,472

Well, that sounds like fun for me.But you might want to get in line, pal.

19800:12:00,632 --> 00:12:03,352- Hey, girl.- Hey, how are you?

19900:12:05,033 --> 00:12:09,153Hey, baby, can I get a couple Coronasat the pool table, please? Thanks.

20000:12:09,273 --> 00:12:10,552Excuse me.

20100:12:13,152 --> 00:12:14,873Lime wedges in the bottle's fine.

20200:12:14,953 --> 00:12:17,273Hey, asshole, I don't work here.

20300:12:21,353 --> 00:12:26,153I'm sorry. The paramedics will have to cometo get my foot out of my mouth, sweetheart.

20400:12:26,234 --> 00:12:28,473Just don't let it happen again.

20500:12:28,554 --> 00:12:30,954- I knew you didn't work here.- You did?

20600:12:31,154 --> 00:12:34,475How else was I supposed to get you awayfrom all those guys?

20700:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,355Why would you want to do that?

20800:12:37,755 --> 00:12:41,035Some guys naturally develop a comfortwith the opposite sex.

20900:12:41,275 --> 00:12:44,955They like women, women like them.Everything flows naturally.

21000:12:45,755 --> 00:12:49,156Back in college, I was just not one of them.

21100:12:53,436 --> 00:12:56,236I seemed to lack the basic understanding...

21200:12:56,356 --> 00:12:58,756that my peers just intuitively grasped.

21300:12:58,956 --> 00:13:03,276But like any late bloomer,I was eager to make up for lost time.

21400:13:06,077 --> 00:13:08,957

Her name was Cressida Baylor.

21500:13:09,957 --> 00:13:12,958Can you tell mewhere the registration building is?

21600:13:16,358 --> 00:13:18,637And my life would never be the same.

21700:13:18,757 --> 00:13:21,158- I'm Alex.- Cressida.

21800:13:24,359 --> 00:13:26,558What we had was beautiful.

21900:13:32,159 --> 00:13:33,559I love you.

22000:13:36,159 --> 00:13:37,839I love you so much.

22100:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,640I love you, too, Alex.

22200:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,680I know you don't love meas much as I love you.

22300:13:49,760 --> 00:13:53,440But that's okay.I'm just glad you love me at all.

224

00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:56,761In retrospect,I guess I may have come on a little strong.

22500:14:00,881 --> 00:14:03,161But the experience taught me a lot.

22600:14:03,281 --> 00:14:04,482Cressida!

22700:14:08,162 --> 00:14:09,762What are you doing?

22800:14:09,962 --> 00:14:11,282I'm sorry, Alex.

22900:14:11,361 --> 00:14:15,562But I love you. What did I do wrong?Just tell me what I did wrong.

23000:14:15,762 --> 00:14:17,763You're doing it right now.

23100:14:18,762 --> 00:14:20,243Alex, I'm sorry.

23200:14:23,763 --> 00:14:27,763And it's an educationI feel obliged to pass on to my fellow men.

23300:14:31,443 --> 00:14:35,444

Because with no guile and no game,there's no girl.

23400:14:36,764 --> 00:14:38,364If ever a man born was without game...

23500:14:39,844 --> 00:14:41,844it was Albert Brennaman.

23600:15:06,366 --> 00:15:10,966My business is 100%% referraland, thus far, untraceable.

23700:15:11,047 --> 00:15:12,766And if there's one thing I've learned...

23800:15:12,967 --> 00:15:16,487when you orchestrate, coordinate,and otherwise mess with fate...

23900:15:16,566 --> 00:15:18,967it's best to fly under the radar.

24000:15:55,450 --> 00:15:57,770I hope she's single'cause I don't do break-ups.

24100:15:57,850 --> 00:15:59,770Hi. Thank you for seeing me.

24200:15:59,851 --> 00:16:03,170Yeah, no.

I mean, she just got out of a relationship.

24300:16:03,691 --> 00:16:06,570Is that a problem?Because if it is, that's fine.

24400:16:06,651 --> 00:16:08,891I'm a little uncomfortable with this anyway.

24500:16:08,971 --> 00:16:13,051Definitely been hurt a lot.I had a lot of bad experiences.

24600:16:13,171 --> 00:16:16,491Some good ones.But definitely a lot of bad ones.

24700:16:17,171 --> 00:16:21,052I'm desperate, basically.I mean, not in general, you understand?

24800:16:21,172 --> 00:16:24,772You know, not just for anybody.But, man, for her... Yeah.

24900:16:25,172 --> 00:16:27,452Why don't you tell me about her?

25000:16:28,572 --> 00:16:30,572Let's see, what can I say?

25100:16:30,972 --> 00:16:34,493

My company handles her finances.I'm her tax consultant.

25200:16:34,973 --> 00:16:38,173Well, I'm one of them.I'm the junior man on the account.

25300:16:38,253 --> 00:16:40,573- So does she know you're interested?- No.

25400:16:44,573 --> 00:16:45,694Alive?

25500:16:46,774 --> 00:16:48,174I lent her my pen once.

25600:16:48,574 --> 00:16:50,774Shoot. Does anyone have a pen?

25700:16:50,974 --> 00:16:54,254- Here, take mine.- Albert, you're crushing my arm.

25800:16:54,375 --> 00:16:56,774Sorry about that. Here you go, Allegra.

25900:16:59,855 --> 00:17:02,495Allegra? As in Allegra Cole?

26000:17:02,575 --> 00:17:05,295

Yeah, I realize that I'm not her usual type.

26100:17:05,375 --> 00:17:08,975Well, her last boyfriend owned Swedenor something.

26200:17:09,176 --> 00:17:10,776And that guy was a bum.

26300:17:10,855 --> 00:17:13,776He didn't seem likea very nice person to me.

26400:17:14,776 --> 00:17:16,776You swing for the fence.

26500:17:16,976 --> 00:17:20,176Look, you don't think I triedtalking myself out of this?

26600:17:20,257 --> 00:17:23,976I mean, you don't think I knowhow ridiculous this is? I know, okay?

26700:17:24,097 --> 00:17:27,377I just thought that maybe with your help...

26800:17:29,377 --> 00:17:33,177You know what?I'm really sorry I wasted your time.

269

00:17:44,178 --> 00:17:46,178Hold on a second, Albert.

27000:17:48,579 --> 00:17:52,499You know what it's likegetting up every morning feeling hopeless?

27100:17:52,659 --> 00:17:56,099Feeling like the love of your lifeis waking up with the wrong man?

27200:17:56,179 --> 00:18:00,859But at the same time,hoping that she still finds happiness...

27300:18:01,379 --> 00:18:04,100even if it's never gonna be with you?

27400:18:05,380 --> 00:18:08,100You are flat-out...

27500:18:08,860 --> 00:18:11,980out of your mind. You know that?

27600:18:15,701 --> 00:18:17,061That's good.

27700:18:18,181 --> 00:18:19,301It is?

27800:18:20,181 --> 00:18:22,501

You ever heard of Michelangelo?

27900:18:22,581 --> 00:18:24,662Heard of the Sistine Chapel?

28000:18:26,181 --> 00:18:27,581Michelangelo.

28100:18:28,501 --> 00:18:29,982Sistine Chapel.

28200:18:30,181 --> 00:18:31,862You saying you can do this?

28300:18:31,982 --> 00:18:35,382My name is Alex Hitchens.Let's go paint that ceiling.

28400:19:03,705 --> 00:19:05,065Take it easy.

28500:19:06,384 --> 00:19:07,785Oh, my God!

28600:19:51,788 --> 00:19:54,188Well, it looks like I'm still rich.

28700:19:57,708 --> 00:20:01,869But what I would really like,and what I was wondering is...

28800:20:03,069 --> 00:20:06,989if I could have $500,000to invest on my own.

28900:20:08,989 --> 00:20:12,870And what were you thinkingof investing in, Allegra?

29000:20:14,269 --> 00:20:18,790Well, it's somethingthat I really have a passion for.

29100:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,791Daydreams are for private time.

29200:20:27,191 --> 00:20:29,391When you're in the room, be in the room.

29300:20:29,391 --> 00:20:32,871Concentrate. Focus.Women respond when you respond to them.

29400:20:33,071 --> 00:20:35,791My friend Maggie is a talented designer.

29500:20:36,191 --> 00:20:40,392I've seen the business planand the samples look fantastic.

29600:20:41,391 --> 00:20:45,312And I would really like to get involved.

29700:20:49,792 --> 00:20:51,392I'll tell you what.

298

00:20:51,513 --> 00:20:55,993Let us come up with a range of investmentsthat we think you might be interested in...

29900:20:56,113 --> 00:20:59,594and next month,we'll run the whole lot of them by you.

30000:21:02,513 --> 00:21:03,513Okay.

30100:21:03,593 --> 00:21:05,994Fine. Thank you. All right, gentlemen.

30200:21:06,514 --> 00:21:08,994Let's go over this one more time.What is the objective?

30300:21:09,073 --> 00:21:10,514Shock and awe.

30400:21:10,594 --> 00:21:13,394That was shockingly awful.What is the objective?

30500:21:13,514 --> 00:21:14,594Shock and awe.

30600:21:14,675 --> 00:21:16,995What is the objective?

307

00:21:17,795 --> 00:21:20,395- Excuse me, sir.- Yes, Albert?

30800:21:27,796 --> 00:21:30,875I don't really agree with that.

30900:21:30,995 --> 00:21:33,396You don't really agree with what?

31000:21:39,796 --> 00:21:43,076I think if you want to invest $500,000in your friend's business...

31100:21:43,196 --> 00:21:44,596that's exactly what you should do.

31200:21:44,677 --> 00:21:47,397You don't need us to tell you what to do.

31300:21:47,517 --> 00:21:50,397We're a board of advisers,not your kindergarten teachers.

31400:21:50,597 --> 00:21:52,677If you want to be taken seriouslyas an adult...

31500:21:52,797 --> 00:21:55,078then start taking yourself seriouslyas an adult...

31600:21:55,198 --> 00:21:57,997instead of asking for permissionto invest your own money...

31700:21:58,198 --> 00:22:00,678from a boardroomfull of your daddy's golf buddies.

31800:22:00,918 --> 00:22:02,518- That's quite enough!- I'm not finished.

31900:22:02,598 --> 00:22:06,678I'd like to see anybody in this roomhandle the attention and publicity...

32000:22:06,798 --> 00:22:10,279that she's had to deal with her whole life,with half her class.

32100:22:12,599 --> 00:22:16,519We should be taking advice from you,Miss Cole. Not the other way around.

32200:22:16,599 --> 00:22:19,200- Sit down...- No! You know what? I quit!

32300:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,520Oh, my God.

32400:22:40,201 --> 00:22:42,801Just breathe. How'd it go?

32500:22:43,001 --> 00:22:46,401I yelled at her. I screamed at my boss!I quit my job!

32600:22:46,921 --> 00:22:48,602- What?- You said...

32700:22:48,922 --> 00:22:51,401- I gotta go back.- No, I didn't tell you to quit.

32800:22:51,482 --> 00:22:53,202Relax. Okay, listen, we're fine.

32900:22:53,321 --> 00:22:55,602- Would you let me go?- Albert, no!

33000:22:57,003 --> 00:22:59,723Just relax! Okay?

33100:23:00,202 --> 00:23:03,403- Just let it marinate for a second. Trust me.- No!

33200:23:13,404 --> 00:23:15,324Relax.

333

00:23:15,403 --> 00:23:17,484- It's Allegra Cole.- Answer it.

33400:23:17,604 --> 00:23:21,004- Could I speak to you a second?- Answer the door, Albert.

33500:23:25,205 --> 00:23:26,404Yes. Hi.

33600:23:27,204 --> 00:23:28,605What's up?

33700:23:28,925 --> 00:23:30,685Listen, Albert, right?

33800:23:31,485 --> 00:23:36,205- People don't usually talk to me like that.- Close your mouth, man.

33900:23:36,285 --> 00:23:38,805Let me rephrase that.

34000:23:39,005 --> 00:23:41,725People never talk to me like that.

34100:23:43,205 --> 00:23:44,406Stand up.

34200:23:44,406 --> 00:23:47,086I guess it's kind of scary for them.

34300:23:47,886 --> 00:23:51,606But that's why I really appreciatewhat you did in there.

34400:23:53,007 --> 00:23:54,807But I was wondering...

34500:23:54,927 --> 00:23:58,927do you think that you and I couldget together sometime this week?

34600:24:00,927 --> 00:24:03,487You know, to go over things.

34700:24:04,408 --> 00:24:06,127Financial things.

34800:24:06,207 --> 00:24:10,208I'd like to see the areaswhere I can afford to take some risks.

34900:24:10,288 --> 00:24:12,608- Check your schedule.- I'll check my schedule.

35000:24:12,608 --> 00:24:15,888Great. Let me give you my number.Do you have a pen?

35100:24:16,208 --> 00:24:18,209I don't think I have one.

35200:24:22,928 --> 00:24:24,609- Yes, I do.- Great.

35300:24:36,290 --> 00:24:38,010And call me Allegra.

35400:24:40,410 --> 00:24:43,090- You're done.- Goodbye.

35500:24:46,691 --> 00:24:47,890Good job.

35600:24:50,691 --> 00:24:51,731Oh, damn.

35700:25:12,292 --> 00:25:16,533She's some kind of newspaper columnist.Comes in here once in a while. Great tipper.

35800:25:16,612 --> 00:25:17,613What's her drink?

35900:25:17,733 --> 00:25:20,933Usually beer.Tonight, Grey Goose martini, dirty.

36000:25:30,814 --> 00:25:31,814Hi.

361

00:25:33,614 --> 00:25:35,215I noticed your glass was getting low...

36200:25:35,414 --> 00:25:38,215so I took the libertyof bringing you another apple martini.

36300:25:38,294 --> 00:25:39,215Thank you.

36400:25:39,335 --> 00:25:43,215And I couldn't help but noticeyou look a lot like my next girlfriend.

36500:25:43,815 --> 00:25:46,135- What's your name?- They call me Chip.

36600:25:46,295 --> 00:25:48,415You can't get them to stop?

36700:25:49,495 --> 00:25:50,615That was funny.

36800:25:50,816 --> 00:25:54,136Listen, I understand the courage it takesto walk across a room...

36900:25:54,216 --> 00:25:56,615and try to generate a relationshipout of thin air.

37000:25:56,696 --> 00:26:00,416- So don't take the following personally.- You have fantastic eyes.

37100:26:01,736 --> 00:26:03,616Thanks. Try to listen.

37200:26:03,737 --> 00:26:07,497This is no reflection on you.I'm just not interested.

37300:26:07,817 --> 00:26:10,217But thank you for the complimentof coming over.

37400:26:10,297 --> 00:26:13,017You're welcome.So do you like Cuban food?

37500:26:13,817 --> 00:26:17,497Chip, seriously, that was not code for,"I wish you'd try harder."

37600:26:17,737 --> 00:26:21,618Are you always so shut-down and afraidthat the right man might make you...

37700:26:21,738 --> 00:26:23,738Feel like a natural woman?

37800:26:24,538 --> 00:26:27,618

Sorry I'm late, honey.I couldn't get a cab. How was the meeting?

37900:26:27,738 --> 00:26:31,219Well, there was a beginning,a middle, and an end.

38000:26:31,619 --> 00:26:33,498Nice to meet you, Chip.

38100:26:38,619 --> 00:26:39,900You, too.

38200:26:42,819 --> 00:26:45,419On the one hand,it is very difficult for a man...

38300:26:45,500 --> 00:26:48,139to even speak to someonewho looks like you.

38400:26:48,220 --> 00:26:51,340But on the other hand,should that be your problem?

38500:26:51,420 --> 00:26:53,820So life's kind of hard all around.

38600:26:54,421 --> 00:26:56,701Not if you pay attention.

38700:26:58,420 --> 00:27:00,301You're sending all the right signals:

38800:27:00,421 --> 00:27:03,742No earrings, heels under two inches,your hair is pulled back...

38900:27:03,901 --> 00:27:07,422wearing reading glasses with no book,drinking a Grey Goose martini...

39000:27:07,422 --> 00:27:10,621which means you had a hell of a weekand a beer just wouldn't do it.

39100:27:10,702 --> 00:27:12,022If that wasrt clear enough...

39200:27:12,141 --> 00:27:16,022there's always the "fuck off"that you have stamped on your forehead.

39300:27:16,222 --> 00:27:20,303Who'd believe there's a man out therethat can sit by a woman he doesn't know...

39400:27:20,423 --> 00:27:24,423and genuinely be interested in who she is,what she does, without his own agenda?

39500:27:24,423 --> 00:27:27,343I wouldn't even know

what that would look like.

39600:27:27,423 --> 00:27:29,343So what would a guy like that say?

39700:27:29,503 --> 00:27:32,703He'd say, "My name is Alex Hitchensand I'm a consultant."

39800:27:32,943 --> 00:27:34,623But she wouldn't be interested in that...

39900:27:34,824 --> 00:27:37,104because she'd be counting the secondsuntil he left.

40000:27:37,223 --> 00:27:39,624Thinking he was like every other guy.

40100:27:39,824 --> 00:27:42,824Which, life experience has taught her,is a virtual certainty.

40200:27:43,024 --> 00:27:45,624But then he'd ask her nameand what she did for a living...

40300:27:45,744 --> 00:27:47,825and she might blow him off.

404

00:27:48,024 --> 00:27:49,824Or she might say...

40500:27:54,145 --> 00:27:57,825I'm Sara Melas.I run the gossip column at the Standard.

40600:27:58,025 --> 00:28:00,826And then he'd askall these penetrating questions about her...

40700:28:00,945 --> 00:28:04,025because he was sincerely,if atypically, interested.

40800:28:04,146 --> 00:28:05,226No.

40900:28:05,506 --> 00:28:07,826- No?- He'd be interested.

41000:28:09,227 --> 00:28:11,226But he'd see that there was no way...

41100:28:11,426 --> 00:28:15,026he could possibly make her realizethat he was for real.

41200:28:15,107 --> 00:28:20,027Well, he could be funny and charmingand refreshingly original.

41300:28:20,947 --> 00:28:22,307Wouldrt help.

41400:28:22,427 --> 00:28:25,427- Don't you hate it when that happens?- Not really.

41500:28:25,508 --> 00:28:29,028They'd both probably go onto lead the lives they were headed toward.

41600:28:29,228 --> 00:28:31,908My guess is they'd do just fine.

41700:28:33,908 --> 00:28:36,828It's a pleasure to have met you, Sara Melas.

41800:28:41,748 --> 00:28:45,029Grey Goose martinifrom the gentleman who just left.

41900:28:50,229 --> 00:28:51,749Is that for me?

42000:28:54,430 --> 00:28:55,429What?

42100:29:10,151 --> 00:29:12,231Vance Munson. Sorry I'm late.

422

00:29:13,231 --> 00:29:16,031No, not a problem.

42300:29:17,231 --> 00:29:18,952Wow, you're the...

42400:29:19,831 --> 00:29:23,432- Can I get you something to drink, Mr...- No, I'm fine, thank you.

42500:29:23,511 --> 00:29:25,352So, tell me about her.

42600:29:27,632 --> 00:29:29,353Have you ever met someone...

42700:29:29,432 --> 00:29:32,032and you knew right awayshe was gonna be important to you?

42800:29:32,233 --> 00:29:35,432Not just because of her looks,but that X factor.

42900:29:36,433 --> 00:29:37,913How'd you meet her?

43000:29:38,033 --> 00:29:41,353Actually, I was in a shopbuying pajamas for my mom.

43100:29:41,433 --> 00:29:43,233And by that, of course, you mean...

43200:29:43,353 --> 00:29:46,153you were buying lingeriefor another woman.

43300:29:47,434 --> 00:29:50,954Yes. You can't helpwhere you meet somebody.

43400:29:51,634 --> 00:29:54,034And the lingerie is for a womanI'm no longer seeing.

43500:29:54,234 --> 00:29:56,954But anyway, the girl I met,the one I was talking about...

43600:29:57,035 --> 00:29:59,635she's so sweet, funny, Southern.

43700:29:59,834 --> 00:30:02,635She gives me her number.Now she won't return my phone calls.

43800:30:02,835 --> 00:30:06,315I don't know what it is about her.I just can't get her out of my mind.

43900:30:06,435 --> 00:30:10,316You know, food has lost its taste.Colors, they seem dull.

440

00:30:10,436 --> 00:30:14,035Things that used to matter...I don't know, they just no longer do.

44100:30:14,236 --> 00:30:17,036I think things aren't gonna snap backunless I...

44200:30:18,836 --> 00:30:20,556Unless I bang her.

44300:30:22,637 --> 00:30:23,916Excuse me?

44400:30:25,637 --> 00:30:28,957You know, bang her. Clear my head.Get in, get off, get out.

44500:30:31,637 --> 00:30:34,718I think you may have misunderstoodwhat I do exactly.

44600:30:34,838 --> 00:30:37,438No, I was told you help guys get in there.

44700:30:37,517 --> 00:30:39,438Right. But, see, here's the thing.

44800:30:39,517 --> 00:30:42,838My clients actually like women.

449

00:30:45,438 --> 00:30:47,758Hit it and quit it is not my thing.

45000:30:47,838 --> 00:30:51,639Let me make one thing clear to you, rabbi.I need professional help.

45100:30:51,758 --> 00:30:54,439Well, that is for damn certain.

45200:30:54,839 --> 00:30:59,240And I'm glad you can admit itbecause generally that's the hardest part.

45300:31:02,039 --> 00:31:05,039You see what I'm doing?This is what I'm about.

45400:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,040Power suit, power tie, power steering.

45500:31:08,240 --> 00:31:12,040People can wince, cry, beg,but eventually they do what I want.

45600:31:13,920 --> 00:31:15,921So that's, like, a metaphor.

45700:31:18,440 --> 00:31:21,121Well, I'm more of a literal kind of guy.

458

00:31:21,241 --> 00:31:22,961So when I do this...

45900:31:24,961 --> 00:31:29,041this is more like me sayingthat I will literally break your shit off...

46000:31:29,121 --> 00:31:31,842if you ever touch me again. Okay, pumpkin?

46100:31:31,922 --> 00:31:33,122Got it.

46200:31:40,842 --> 00:31:42,722No.

46300:31:42,842 --> 00:31:46,963Pablo, I can't just mention your restaurant.Somebody has to eat there.

46400:31:47,043 --> 00:31:49,843No, somebody famous. You know that.

46500:31:50,163 --> 00:31:51,763- Sara Melas?- No.

46600:31:52,643 --> 00:31:54,164Okay. Bye.

46700:31:56,163 --> 00:31:57,844I need your signature.

46800:32:11,444 --> 00:32:15,925I hate it when a guy calls a girlwho did not give him her number.

46900:32:16,165 --> 00:32:18,445So this is me not calling. Over.

47000:32:18,565 --> 00:32:21,445Yes, you're right.This is much less invasive.

47100:32:21,526 --> 00:32:24,246I've been thinking aboutthat sign on your forehead.

47200:32:24,446 --> 00:32:28,246And I was wondering if you'd mindtaking it down for dinner Friday night. Over.

47300:32:28,646 --> 00:32:31,847I can't. I have a couple of partiesI have to hit.

47400:32:32,446 --> 00:32:34,046Gossip never sleeps.

47500:32:34,567 --> 00:32:36,447Not till about 4:00 a.m.

47600:32:36,966 --> 00:32:38,166Saturday.

47700:32:41,047 --> 00:32:42,447I have a date.

47800:32:43,927 --> 00:32:46,727Do you know the definitionof "perseverance," Miss Melas?

47900:32:46,847 --> 00:32:48,847An excuse to be obnoxious?

48000:32:49,048 --> 00:32:50,968Continuing in a course of action...

48100:32:51,047 --> 00:32:55,128without regard to discouragement,opposition or previous failure. Over.

48200:32:55,448 --> 00:32:57,528Okay, Webster, how do I get rid of you?

48300:32:57,648 --> 00:33:00,449Breakfast, Sunday.And you can barely even call that a date.

48400:33:00,648 --> 00:33:04,249You do that with out-of-town relativesthat you don't even like. Over.

48500:33:08,169 --> 00:33:09,369Come on.

48600:33:11,769 --> 00:33:14,049Okay, I guess I could do Sunday.

48700:33:14,570 --> 00:33:16,850You forgot to say "over." Over.

48800:33:17,250 --> 00:33:20,250This conversatiors overas soon as you tell me when and where.

48900:33:20,330 --> 00:33:23,1307:00 a.m., North Cove Marina. Over and out.

49000:33:23,650 --> 00:33:27,3707:00 a.m.? Are you crazy?I don't do 7:00 a.m.

49100:33:29,251 --> 00:33:30,571- Hello?- Sign here.

49200:33:30,971 --> 00:33:32,571- What?- You said Sunday, right?

49300:33:32,651 --> 00:33:33,651Yeah.

49400:33:36,571 --> 00:33:38,972What if I would have said Friday?

495

00:33:39,051 --> 00:33:40,251Sunday.

49600:33:44,252 --> 00:33:46,852So I guess you're not going to church.

49700:33:59,133 --> 00:34:01,773Do you really expect me to wear this?

49800:34:03,253 --> 00:34:05,654Lt'll be awful cold out there without it.

49900:34:05,773 --> 00:34:08,733- Good morning.- "Good" would have been at 10:00.

50000:34:12,974 --> 00:34:15,135You're a lot taller than I remember.

50100:34:15,374 --> 00:34:17,134You ever ride one of these?

50200:34:17,254 --> 00:34:18,854Not on the Hudson.

50300:34:19,054 --> 00:34:21,855So, what do you wanna do?Race me around the Statue of Liberty?

50400:34:22,055 --> 00:34:23,535

If there's time.

50500:34:23,934 --> 00:34:26,455- But you might need these.- All right.

50600:34:26,655 --> 00:34:27,935- Bam.- Wow.

50700:34:29,055 --> 00:34:30,575How do I look?

50800:34:31,775 --> 00:34:33,056Fabulous.

50900:34:34,736 --> 00:34:36,456All right, I give.

51000:34:37,256 --> 00:34:38,736Where do I change?

51100:34:39,656 --> 00:34:44,056So we'll go past the wall, then take a left.It's pretty much a straight shot from there.

51200:34:44,256 --> 00:34:47,376- Straight shot to where?- That's for me to know and you to find out.

51300:34:47,457 --> 00:34:49,057What you do with these babies is...

51400:34:49,257 --> 00:34:52,257Yeah, what I do with this babyis kick your ass.

51500:36:00,582 --> 00:36:03,863- What happened? You change your mind?- It just died.

51600:36:04,983 --> 00:36:06,463Did you put gas in it?

51700:36:07,063 --> 00:36:10,863No. You know, I think it must havesucked up a diaper or something.

51800:36:10,983 --> 00:36:13,263Gross. Try it again.

51900:36:16,983 --> 00:36:18,463You want me to call AAA?

52000:36:18,583 --> 00:36:20,984Come on aroundand let me hop on with you.

52100:36:21,063 --> 00:36:24,664I don't know. What if you break mine, too?Then we'll both be sitting ducks.

52200:36:24,745 --> 00:36:28,265- I didn't break it. It just died.

- Yeah, yeah.

52300:36:28,464 --> 00:36:30,384All right, hop on.

52400:36:31,865 --> 00:36:34,585- Scoot back.- Hitch, I'm already here.

52500:36:35,065 --> 00:36:36,745But you don't know where we're going.

52600:36:36,985 --> 00:36:39,465Why don't you tell me?Then we'll both know.

52700:36:42,266 --> 00:36:43,786Man, male egos.

52800:36:43,866 --> 00:36:46,586I don't know how you guysmake it through the day with them.

52900:36:46,666 --> 00:36:48,746What? It is not my ego.

53000:36:48,865 --> 00:36:51,466I just don't want to ruin the surprise.

53100:37:01,147 --> 00:37:03,788I'm sorry. Are you all right?

532

00:37:05,867 --> 00:37:08,668There. I always keep a few of those around.

53300:37:08,747 --> 00:37:09,788Thank you.

53400:37:09,867 --> 00:37:13,667I have lower back trouble.I just shove the ice packs right down there.

53500:37:14,268 --> 00:37:16,068No. That's a fresh one.

53600:37:17,868 --> 00:37:19,468So, Ellis Island.

53700:37:19,669 --> 00:37:23,668I have to admit, I have lived in New Yorkmy whole life and I've never been here.

53800:37:23,869 --> 00:37:25,269I figured that. Most people haven't.

53900:37:25,468 --> 00:37:27,869So I got my man Larry hereto set us up a private tour.

54000:37:27,949 --> 00:37:29,869- Great!- Anything for Hitch.

541

00:37:31,469 --> 00:37:34,590It was originally known as Oyster Island.

54200:37:34,669 --> 00:37:37,270The island was expandedto its present size...

54300:37:37,470 --> 00:37:41,390with dirt removed during the constructionof the New York subway system.

54400:37:42,070 --> 00:37:43,670- Are you serious?- Yes.

54500:37:43,670 --> 00:37:46,870- Did you know this?- Yeah. That's why I brought you here.

54600:37:46,870 --> 00:37:51,470In fact, over 100 million Americanscan trace their ancestry...

54700:37:51,671 --> 00:37:55,471back to a single man, woman, or childon the ship's manifest...

54800:37:55,671 --> 00:37:57,551to an inspector's ledger.

54900:37:58,152 --> 00:38:02,871

By 1910, 75%% of the residents of New York...

55000:38:03,072 --> 00:38:06,152Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland, and Boston...

55100:38:06,271 --> 00:38:08,992were immigrants,or the children of immigrants.

55200:38:09,072 --> 00:38:12,472They generally livedin the poorest sections of the cities...

55300:38:12,673 --> 00:38:16,593in Little Italys, Chinatownsand other ethnic enclaves.

55400:38:16,993 --> 00:38:19,073It's called The Kissing Post.

55500:38:19,552 --> 00:38:23,794The plaque explains how different cultureskiss after long absences.

55600:38:24,673 --> 00:38:27,793Now, what exactly would qualifyas a long absence?

55700:38:28,274 --> 00:38:29,674I mean...

55800:38:30,474 --> 00:38:32,754

- That count?- No.

55900:38:36,274 --> 00:38:40,274I actually had a relative come through here.

56000:38:40,875 --> 00:38:42,395- Really?- Yeah.

56100:38:44,475 --> 00:38:45,555What?

56200:38:46,395 --> 00:38:49,475- What?- What was that thing?

56300:38:50,595 --> 00:38:53,876No. You know, I was just thinking...

56400:38:54,276 --> 00:38:58,076you can't really know where you're goinguntil you know where you've been.

56500:38:58,076 --> 00:39:00,876- Ain't that right, Larry?- Amen, brother.

56600:39:01,076 --> 00:39:04,477That's kind of deep for a first date,don't you think?

56700:39:07,877 --> 00:39:09,277What is that?

56800:39:27,078 --> 00:39:28,758Oh, my God!

56900:39:35,078 --> 00:39:39,479That's my great-great-grandfather.That's his signature.

57000:39:39,679 --> 00:39:41,559Jesus, it's right here!

57100:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,480How did you know?

57200:39:47,399 --> 00:39:50,280Hitch did the search. I just found the page.

57300:40:13,001 --> 00:40:14,282I'm sorry.

57400:40:23,162 --> 00:40:26,282I saw that going differently in my mind.

57500:40:28,683 --> 00:40:32,883So my family never saw him again.Well, except for on the Wanted posters.

57600:40:33,283 --> 00:40:35,483

Look, I'm really sorry.

57700:40:35,964 --> 00:40:39,804When I saw it on the computer,it said, "the Butcher of Cádiz."

57800:40:41,483 --> 00:40:46,084I thought it was a profession,not a headline.

57900:40:47,404 --> 00:40:51,885It's just one of those horrible family legacieswe've all tried to forget.

58000:40:52,685 --> 00:40:53,885But thank you.

58100:40:54,084 --> 00:40:55,405No, it was...

58200:40:55,485 --> 00:40:57,485- A train wreck.- No.

58300:40:57,565 --> 00:40:59,006Let me get you a cab.

58400:41:03,565 --> 00:41:04,766Thanks.

58500:41:07,086 --> 00:41:08,885- Bye.- Bye-bye.

586

00:41:18,287 --> 00:41:19,287Taxi!

58700:41:22,887 --> 00:41:25,407Poor guy.Sounds like he went to a lot of trouble.

58800:41:25,487 --> 00:41:30,088It was fun. In a disastrous kind of way.I mean, this isn't exactly a hickey.

58900:41:31,168 --> 00:41:34,168At least you got a good storyout of it, right?

59000:41:36,488 --> 00:41:37,568Right?

59100:41:37,688 --> 00:41:41,088- You should try mine, it's great.- Wait. You're seeing him again?

59200:41:42,608 --> 00:41:46,168Well, look, you said thatI'm always expecting men...

59300:41:46,288 --> 00:41:49,289to let me down, right?Assuming that they're gonna fail?

59400:41:49,289 --> 00:41:50,689Which he did.

59500:41:51,489 --> 00:41:54,409Yeah, but he did it with flair.

59600:41:56,609 --> 00:41:59,290I mean, Case, he really tanked.

59700:41:59,410 --> 00:42:01,489And that's a desirable trait?

59800:42:02,290 --> 00:42:04,890Yeah. Weird, huh?

59900:42:07,410 --> 00:42:09,890Now, just keep it simple.Just like we practiced.

60000:42:09,971 --> 00:42:11,411We're just leaving a message.

60100:42:11,490 --> 00:42:14,611Women like Allegra Coledon't pick up numbers they don't recognize.

60200:42:17,971 --> 00:42:19,091Hello?

60300:42:19,692 --> 00:42:21,411She's on the phone!

60400:42:23,892 --> 00:42:25,812- Yes. Hello, Miss Cole?- Yeah.

605

00:42:25,891 --> 00:42:27,892Hi, I have Albert Brennaman for you.

60600:42:27,972 --> 00:42:30,412- One moment, please.- No. Tell her I'm at lunch.

60700:42:30,492 --> 00:42:33,292We called her to tell her you're at lunch?

60800:42:37,692 --> 00:42:41,573Allegra. Hi, it's Albert Brennaman.

60900:42:42,693 --> 00:42:44,293Hi, how are you?

61000:42:44,494 --> 00:42:46,613Good. I'm doing good.

61100:42:47,013 --> 00:42:49,893The reason I'm callingis about our appointment this Wednesday.

61200:42:50,614 --> 00:42:52,294Not gonna be able to make it.

61300:42:53,413 --> 00:42:55,414Well, when can you make it?

61400:42:55,974 --> 00:42:57,414When can I do it?

61500:43:00,694 --> 00:43:03,895I don't even know,because my whole next week is slammed.

61600:43:04,615 --> 00:43:07,095Right. But it's all good.

61700:43:09,495 --> 00:43:11,975No, we're gonna make it happen though,that's for sure.

61800:43:12,615 --> 00:43:14,415We're going to make it happen. Yes.

61900:43:22,776 --> 00:43:24,176What's going on over there?

62000:43:24,296 --> 00:43:26,616Just moving some things around.

62100:43:28,616 --> 00:43:29,817Sky Studios.

62200:43:29,897 --> 00:43:33,177Tonight I'm actually goingto this fashion thing at Sky Studios.

62300:43:33,297 --> 00:43:34,497Designer friend.

624

00:43:34,617 --> 00:43:38,497I just thought it might be somethingyour designer friend would be interested in.

62500:43:38,697 --> 00:43:39,897Yeah, definitely.

62600:43:40,098 --> 00:43:43,697Well, great.Then I will put you back on with my...

62700:44:01,499 --> 00:44:03,699- Allegra, over here, please.- Miss Cole, this way.

62800:44:03,820 --> 00:44:05,099Great. One more.

62900:44:05,180 --> 00:44:08,219- Hi, there.- This was a fantastic idea.

63000:44:08,499 --> 00:44:10,699I suppose. Hey, where's Maggie?

63100:44:11,300 --> 00:44:12,700Late as usual.

63200:44:14,781 --> 00:44:18,380Tonight I want you to meditateon the image of an iceberg.

63300:44:18,780 --> 00:44:20,501

Do you know why I want you to do that?

63400:44:20,781 --> 00:44:22,381Because I'm cool?

63500:44:22,501 --> 00:44:24,301- No.- I know, I'm not.

63600:44:25,021 --> 00:44:26,781I'm saying that you are an iceberg...

63700:44:26,901 --> 00:44:30,782in that over 90%% of your massis below the surface.

63800:44:31,501 --> 00:44:33,502I know I'm heavy. I am.

63900:44:33,581 --> 00:44:36,902I'm talking about who you are.It's a metaphor.

64000:44:37,022 --> 00:44:38,302Accounting, business...

64100:44:38,382 --> 00:44:42,782all of that is just a small partof a much deeper, richer Albert.

64200:44:43,982 --> 00:44:45,183One more.

643

00:44:46,503 --> 00:44:47,822It's gonna be loud in there...

64400:44:47,903 --> 00:44:50,383so this is our opportunityto break the touch barrier...

64500:44:50,503 --> 00:44:51,703in a non-sleazy way.

64600:44:51,903 --> 00:44:54,703So get to where it's loudest.Ask her if she'd like a drink.

64700:44:54,904 --> 00:44:57,183Lean in, place your handon the small of her back...

64800:44:57,303 --> 00:44:59,024and say it in her ear like a secret.

64900:44:59,104 --> 00:45:02,384Watch your hand placement.Too high says, "I just wanna be friends."

65000:45:02,504 --> 00:45:04,784Too low says, "I just wanna grab some ass."

65100:45:05,824 --> 00:45:08,304Friends. Ass. Me.

65200:45:13,424 --> 00:45:15,825

Special issues: Allegra Cole is a celebrity...

65300:45:15,904 --> 00:45:19,306which means that when people talk to her,they'll ignore you completely.

65400:45:19,425 --> 00:45:21,105She's classy, so she'll introduce you.

65500:45:21,185 --> 00:45:24,626When she does, shake hands hardand speak up. Let them know you're there.

65600:45:24,705 --> 00:45:26,506Show her you can handle being her escort.

65700:45:26,626 --> 00:45:29,585- Egon, this is Albert.- How you doing?

65800:45:29,826 --> 00:45:31,986- Albert, this is Zak.- Nice to see you.

65900:45:32,386 --> 00:45:34,227These guys are friends with Maggie.

66000:45:34,386 --> 00:45:37,306- Been to that new Brazilian restaurant?

- No, but I am...

66100:45:37,507 --> 00:45:39,906It's disgusting.I'm writing an article about it.

66200:45:41,106 --> 00:45:43,107Did you see the new installation at MOMA?

66300:45:43,307 --> 00:45:45,907- Yes, did you think...- Disgusting.

66400:45:47,508 --> 00:45:50,628Women can always tellwhen you're not being real with them.

66500:45:50,908 --> 00:45:54,228Worst thing you can do is try to fake it,because you are a great guy.

66600:45:54,628 --> 00:45:57,828And you do have somethingto offer Allegra that no other man does.

66700:45:58,708 --> 00:46:00,108What was your name? Eggnog?

66800:46:01,828 --> 00:46:02,908Egon.

66900:46:03,428 --> 00:46:07,189

What do you think of the design of the Jets'new football stadium on the West Side?

67000:46:07,709 --> 00:46:09,909Let me guess. Disgusting?

67100:46:10,709 --> 00:46:12,629Think it over. We'll be back.

67200:46:14,910 --> 00:46:17,910Thank you. I can't stand those guys.

67300:46:17,989 --> 00:46:20,110Really? I kind of liked them.

67400:46:20,310 --> 00:46:21,990But when all is said and done...

67500:46:22,230 --> 00:46:24,710tonight is not about Allegra.

67600:46:25,510 --> 00:46:27,990- It's not?- No. Tonight is about Maggie.

67700:46:28,390 --> 00:46:32,230A womars best friend has to sign offon all big relationship decisions.

67800:46:32,311 --> 00:46:33,990So you can't afford to mess this up.

67900:46:34,110 --> 00:46:36,511Albert, I want you to meetmy friend, Maggie.

68000:46:37,031 --> 00:46:39,712Hi, Maggie.It's an absolute pleasure to meet you.

68100:46:39,831 --> 00:46:41,111I'm Maggie.

68200:46:41,991 --> 00:46:45,032- No, you're not.- Actually, I am.

68300:46:45,511 --> 00:46:48,792Magnus Forester.Thank you so much for inviting us.

68400:46:50,912 --> 00:46:53,032- You have very soft hands.- Thank you.

68500:46:55,193 --> 00:46:57,513- Wow. So do you.- Thank you.

68600:46:57,593 --> 00:47:01,433So tonight, you focus on one thingand one thing only.

68700:47:01,713 --> 00:47:02,633

Maggie.

68800:47:02,713 --> 00:47:06,113- Where does your inspiration come from?- Oh, my God.

68900:47:07,033 --> 00:47:08,513Anything I see.

69000:47:08,913 --> 00:47:12,514Something in a magazine,out on the street...

69100:47:13,114 --> 00:47:14,113in an old movie.

69200:47:15,114 --> 00:47:18,514The receptive nature of the creative facilityjust astounds me.

69300:47:19,315 --> 00:47:20,795Anybody want any spring rolls?

69400:47:20,915 --> 00:47:24,114That's a beautiful tie, by the way.This whole thing, it just works.

69500:47:24,394 --> 00:47:25,715Thank you.

69600:47:27,315 --> 00:47:29,995- Is he gay?- I don't think so.

69700:47:31,595 --> 00:47:32,515I like him.

69800:47:32,716 --> 00:47:37,196About the deejay.Generally, I have a firm no-dancing policy.

69900:47:37,316 --> 00:47:40,116But if she asks, you cannot say no.

70000:47:40,236 --> 00:47:42,916I'm not worried about dancing.But if there are people there...

70100:47:43,036 --> 00:47:47,316I'm sorry, I hate to be a stickler,but I need to be thorough.

70200:47:48,516 --> 00:47:50,917Show me what you meanby you're not worried about it.

70300:47:51,037 --> 00:47:53,117Trust me. You know what I'm gonna do.

70400:47:56,117 --> 00:47:58,117That's what it's all about, right there.

70500:47:58,917 --> 00:48:00,118See how it gets bigger?

70600:48:03,197 --> 00:48:04,718Now I'm gonna start the fire.

70700:48:05,038 --> 00:48:08,718But the feet are going.I start the fire, I make the pizza.

70800:48:09,038 --> 00:48:10,238Hips are always going.

70900:48:11,838 --> 00:48:13,038Can't get enough hip.

71000:48:13,318 --> 00:48:15,599From there, the Q-Tip.

71100:48:16,719 --> 00:48:19,839Q-Tip. Throw it away.

71200:48:20,519 --> 00:48:22,519That's not working, hit them with this.

71300:48:30,920 --> 00:48:33,520Don't ever...

71400:48:34,400 --> 00:48:35,520do that again.

71500:48:37,121 --> 00:48:38,240Do you hear me?

71600:48:39,120 --> 00:48:40,801- Just expressing myself.

- No.

71700:48:42,321 --> 00:48:45,321Not like that, you're not, all right?

71800:48:48,241 --> 00:48:49,601This is where you live.

71900:48:50,402 --> 00:48:51,841Right here.

72000:48:51,922 --> 00:48:54,721You live right here, okay? This is home.

72100:48:55,442 --> 00:48:56,321None of this.

72200:48:57,042 --> 00:48:58,522I don't wanna see none of that.

72300:48:58,722 --> 00:49:00,722Don't need no pizza. They got food there.

72400:49:08,522 --> 00:49:11,522Elbows, 6 inches from the waist,90-degree angles.

72500:49:12,123 --> 00:49:14,243Don't you bite your lip. Stop it.

72600:49:33,125 --> 00:49:36,005

Women relate dancing to sex, all right?

72700:49:36,125 --> 00:49:39,045Even a great dancer can lose itwith one of these.

72800:49:40,005 --> 00:49:42,525Okay, now that's what I need to be learning.

72900:49:53,126 --> 00:49:54,406Can't stop it.

73000:49:55,126 --> 00:49:56,806You cannot stop it.

73100:49:59,206 --> 00:50:00,326Next subject.

73200:50:02,327 --> 00:50:03,327Get out.

73300:50:08,247 --> 00:50:09,448Thanks.

73400:50:09,848 --> 00:50:11,847So, are you a Knicks fan?

73500:50:13,848 --> 00:50:15,448When they're good.

73600:50:21,728 --> 00:50:23,728- I'm really sorry.- Oh, God. Why?

73700:50:25,049 --> 00:50:27,329- She was there?- I left you a bunch of messages.

73800:50:27,729 --> 00:50:29,329My phone fell in the Hudson.

73900:50:29,529 --> 00:50:30,729Yeah, well, it gets worse.

74000:50:34,530 --> 00:50:35,529I don't believe this.

74100:50:35,730 --> 00:50:39,450- I thought he was a bodyguard.- I'm the only one who will need protection.

74200:50:39,850 --> 00:50:42,130- Max is gonna...- Gonna be really irritated.

74300:50:42,730 --> 00:50:46,130When I got the train this morning,I thought it was gonna be a good day.

74400:50:47,050 --> 00:50:49,451Who the hell is Albert Brennaman?

74500:50:49,930 --> 00:50:52,930- Tell me how this happened.

- What? There were some photographers.

74600:50:53,131 --> 00:50:55,131Does this even look like dancing to you?

74700:50:55,531 --> 00:50:57,331That's just a little bit of me being me.

74800:50:57,451 --> 00:51:01,851No, that's you being a lot of somethingyou don't need to ever be again.

74900:51:02,131 --> 00:51:03,611- It's just one dance.- No.

75000:51:04,252 --> 00:51:08,531One dance, one look, one kiss.That's all we get, Albert.

75100:51:08,732 --> 00:51:11,332Just one shot to make the difference...

75200:51:11,452 --> 00:51:13,853between happily ever after and:

75300:51:14,012 --> 00:51:17,533"Oh, he's just some guyI went to some thing with once."

75400:51:18,412 --> 00:51:19,453

All right?

75500:51:24,814 --> 00:51:27,534- What?- You said "kiss."

75600:51:30,134 --> 00:51:31,533Is that a problem?

75700:51:32,334 --> 00:51:34,934It's not a problem, but this is Allegra Cole.

75800:51:35,054 --> 00:51:37,214Eight out of 10 women believethat the first kiss...

75900:51:37,334 --> 00:51:40,254will tell them everything they need to knowabout a relationship.

76000:51:40,334 --> 00:51:43,614And believe me,she has definitely thought about it.

76100:51:44,134 --> 00:51:46,334- She has?- Of course.

76200:51:46,415 --> 00:51:49,935Not that she's gonna act on it.So it's no real big deal.

76300:51:50,135 --> 00:51:53,055

- All right, it's no big deal then.- It's a very big deal!

76400:51:53,135 --> 00:51:54,536- Huge.- Monumental!

76500:51:54,656 --> 00:51:56,536You are not listening...

76600:51:57,936 --> 00:51:59,936I need you to wrap your head around this.

76700:52:00,016 --> 00:52:02,736Tomorrow night, Allegra Cole...

76800:52:03,136 --> 00:52:06,536could have her last first kiss.

76900:52:17,137 --> 00:52:19,338All right, come on,just show me what you got.

77000:52:20,138 --> 00:52:22,738- What do you mean?- Just show me how you would kiss me.

77100:52:23,457 --> 00:52:24,538I wouldn't kiss you.

77200:52:25,058 --> 00:52:26,337I'm not me, I'm Allegra.

773

00:52:29,138 --> 00:52:30,738But you're really not, so...

77400:52:30,738 --> 00:52:34,539Okay, Albert, end of the night,you're dropping me off at home.

77500:52:34,738 --> 00:52:37,219- Show me the magic.- I'm not comfortable with this.

77600:52:37,339 --> 00:52:40,739God, Albert,I had such a wonderful time with you.

77700:52:40,819 --> 00:52:42,539Yeah, how about those Knicks?

77800:52:43,459 --> 00:52:47,859You see what I'm doing?This is a signal. I'm fiddling with my keys.

77900:52:47,940 --> 00:52:49,460A woman that doesn't want a kiss...

78000:52:49,540 --> 00:52:52,340takes her keys out, puts them in the door,goes in the house.

78100:52:52,340 --> 00:52:54,420A woman that wants to kiss, she fiddles.

78200:52:55,740 --> 00:52:56,940I'm fiddling.

78300:52:57,141 --> 00:52:58,940Okay, you have a good night now...

78400:53:00,141 --> 00:53:02,341- You see what I'm doing?- Robbing me?

78500:53:02,421 --> 00:53:03,460No.

78600:53:03,740 --> 00:53:06,421This is what most guys do.They rush in to take the kiss.

78700:53:06,741 --> 00:53:08,261But you're not most guys.

78800:53:09,061 --> 00:53:12,941See, the secret to a kissis to go 90%% of the way...

78900:53:14,021 --> 00:53:15,141and then hold.

79000:53:19,942 --> 00:53:22,022- For how long?- As long as it takes...

79100:53:22,662 --> 00:53:24,342for her to come the other 10%% .

79200:53:24,543 --> 00:53:26,262Okay, 90%% -10%% . Got it.

79300:53:26,423 --> 00:53:29,543Okay, come on. Shake it off. It's your turn.

79400:53:33,143 --> 00:53:35,463I had a really nice time tonight, Albert.

79500:53:37,944 --> 00:53:41,064I had a great time tonight, too, Allegra...

79600:53:42,943 --> 00:53:44,344with a beard.

79700:54:16,426 --> 00:54:17,346What's up?

79800:54:18,266 --> 00:54:20,947- I'm not feeling it.- What do you mean? I came 90%% .

79900:54:21,146 --> 00:54:23,066I'm not feeling like you want it.

80000:54:23,147 --> 00:54:27,467Look, I'm Allegra Cole,the woman of your dreams.

80100:54:27,547 --> 00:54:31,147

The woman whose green eyesare limpid pools of desire.

80200:54:31,228 --> 00:54:33,467Now, show me the magic, Albert.

80300:54:33,948 --> 00:54:36,268- What the hell was that?- I'm showing you the magic!

80400:54:36,347 --> 00:54:38,348No, I said come 90%% and then I come 10%%!

80500:54:38,428 --> 00:54:39,948You don't go the whole 100%%!

80600:54:40,028 --> 00:54:43,468My mouth was open, Albert.You overeager son of a...

80700:54:46,829 --> 00:54:48,268Other than that, how was it?

80800:54:49,228 --> 00:54:52,269They came together, they danced together,and they left together.

80900:54:52,749 --> 00:54:55,149He's cute, in a sheepdog kind of way.

81000:54:55,230 --> 00:54:57,150For all I know, he's adorable.

81100:54:57,550 --> 00:54:59,629But him dating her is...

81200:54:59,870 --> 00:55:01,350You seem stressed.

81300:55:01,470 --> 00:55:03,069You and I had an understanding.

81400:55:03,150 --> 00:55:05,550If you invite Allegra,you're supposed to call me.

81500:55:05,750 --> 00:55:07,151I didn't invite her.

81600:55:07,350 --> 00:55:09,871Honestly, sweetie,I thought she was still in Europe.

81700:55:09,950 --> 00:55:12,150- So you invited Albert?- No.

81800:55:12,751 --> 00:55:16,671Look, it says here the ticketswent to some guy named Alex Hitchens.

81900:55:16,751 --> 00:55:17,751What?

82000:55:28,752 --> 00:55:29,952

Machine.

82100:55:33,152 --> 00:55:34,752Hi, it's Sara.

82200:55:37,953 --> 00:55:40,752I just wanted to say thank you...

82300:55:40,833 --> 00:55:45,353for an unforgettable experience...

82400:55:45,633 --> 00:55:46,754the other day.

82500:55:48,273 --> 00:55:50,554And if you ever want to seeyour shirt again...

82600:55:50,674 --> 00:55:54,354you can come bythe Fulton Fish Market tonight, around 8:00.

82700:55:54,754 --> 00:55:56,674Okay, bye.

82800:56:00,035 --> 00:56:02,355- Do you think he'll show?- Yeah.

82900:56:02,674 --> 00:56:05,355He's too much of a playerto have a bad date on his record.

83000:56:05,635 --> 00:56:08,355Is this a source or a date?

83100:56:09,555 --> 00:56:10,755A source.

83200:56:11,755 --> 00:56:13,355Well, it sounded like a date.

83300:56:14,355 --> 00:56:15,756Well, it was supposed to.

83400:56:18,756 --> 00:56:21,876So it looks like a dateand it sounds like a date...

83500:56:22,276 --> 00:56:25,236- but it's not a date.- Yeah. Right.

83600:56:26,356 --> 00:56:27,557Just checking.

83700:56:46,838 --> 00:56:49,478Hi. I wasrt sure you got my message.

83800:56:49,638 --> 00:56:53,958I wasrt sure you called the right guy.You must be a glutton for punishment.

83900:56:54,438 --> 00:56:56,958

Either that or I really wanna pay you back.

84000:56:57,358 --> 00:56:59,159I think this is yours.

84100:57:00,039 --> 00:57:03,239Thank you.I'm gonna frame this for my wall of shame.

84200:57:03,759 --> 00:57:05,759Really? There's a whole wall?

84300:57:05,759 --> 00:57:07,359So what are we getting into?

84400:57:09,760 --> 00:57:11,559Ever been to a food rave before?

84500:57:11,640 --> 00:57:15,480Happens once a month, all around the city.Different chefs, different venues.

84600:57:15,640 --> 00:57:16,761You any good in the kitchen?

84700:57:16,960 --> 00:57:19,081I can stand the heat,if that's what you mean.

84800:57:19,160 --> 00:57:22,840Good. Because that's my bossand his wife right over there.

84900:57:23,080 --> 00:57:24,440Interesting.

85000:57:24,761 --> 00:57:28,441Well, here's a concept:We're paying to cook our own food.

85100:57:28,561 --> 00:57:31,561Here's another concept:Shut up. It's an evening out.

85200:57:31,641 --> 00:57:33,882The longer you're married,the less you go out.

85300:57:33,961 --> 00:57:38,042In a couple of years, we're gonna end upbricked into our apartment like a Poe story.

85400:57:38,961 --> 00:57:41,562So, Louise, are youin the newspaper business, also?

85500:57:41,762 --> 00:57:42,962No, I'm a psychiatrist.

85600:57:44,442 --> 00:57:47,563Well, that's the last thingI'm gonna say tonight.

85700:57:48,363 --> 00:57:51,763

So, Sara, you never told me.

85800:57:51,963 --> 00:57:55,643How was the Sky Studio fashion thingyou went to the other night?

85900:57:55,883 --> 00:57:58,963Did you meet anyone won'th mentioning?

86000:57:59,364 --> 00:58:00,363No.

86100:58:02,044 --> 00:58:05,564Really? I find that very odd.

86200:58:06,044 --> 00:58:08,284- Max.- I think you're being odd.

86300:58:08,444 --> 00:58:11,764Well, I'm always odd.It's why you married me.

86400:58:11,884 --> 00:58:13,964And it's why I married you.

86500:58:15,085 --> 00:58:16,565Speaking of which, Hitch...

86600:58:16,685 --> 00:58:20,365what exactly are your intentionsfor the lovely Sara?

867

00:58:20,445 --> 00:58:23,565Wait, you know what?Actually, there was someone.

86800:58:25,965 --> 00:58:28,565I think I met your friends Albert and Allegra.

86900:58:29,366 --> 00:58:31,966- My friends who and who?- Allegra Cole?

87000:58:32,166 --> 00:58:34,166Really? How do you know her?

87100:58:35,566 --> 00:58:37,766- I don't.- So you know Albert?

87200:58:39,166 --> 00:58:41,166- Knew.- He had your tickets.

87300:58:41,247 --> 00:58:44,567I mean, how well do you reallyknow your accountant?

87400:58:45,767 --> 00:58:49,488April 15, and then you don't see him againtill April 15.

87500:58:50,848 --> 00:58:52,167Ladies and gentlemen...

87600:58:52,287 --> 00:58:55,368

a coquille St. Jacqueswith a lemon butter reduction.

87700:58:55,567 --> 00:58:57,568- Compliments of our chef.- Thank you.

87800:58:57,648 --> 00:58:59,568I'm sure you're really gonna enjoy this.

87900:59:07,249 --> 00:59:08,568That's really good.

88000:59:09,569 --> 00:59:11,568I'm very impressed.

88100:59:12,769 --> 00:59:13,649Why is that?

88200:59:14,769 --> 00:59:19,169Around these two, people usually can't waitto name-drop and dish their friends...

88300:59:19,370 --> 00:59:20,769and you're being all discreet.

88400:59:20,850 --> 00:59:22,970Yeah, it's quite endearing.

88500:59:23,089 --> 00:59:25,770Actually, it is.So why don't we change the subject?

88600:59:28,050 --> 00:59:30,971- Are you all right?- Yeah. No, I'm fine.

88700:59:31,770 --> 00:59:35,570So Sara tells methat you're a consultant, Hitch.

88800:59:36,051 --> 00:59:40,691Yeah, mostly marketing, little advertising,brand management.

88900:59:41,651 --> 00:59:43,892I have no idea what that means.

89000:59:43,971 --> 00:59:46,691No one does.That's why I get to charge so much.

89100:59:50,772 --> 00:59:52,452Are you sure you're all right?

89200:59:53,172 --> 00:59:57,092Yeah, I'm fine.Is it itchy in here or is it just me?

89300:59:57,772 --> 01:00:00,693- I know what's happening.- No.

89401:00:01,172 --> 01:00:02,973

You think that I'm in a stressful state...

89501:00:03,092 --> 01:00:05,173because I'm trying to makea good impression...

89601:00:05,253 --> 01:00:08,293while also dealingwith my commitment issues...

89701:00:09,573 --> 01:00:12,374trying to avoidall these awkward conversations.

89801:00:12,973 --> 01:00:15,494No, I think you have food allergies.

89901:00:18,774 --> 01:00:20,174- Wow.- What?

90001:00:22,574 --> 01:00:24,695- Benadryl. Where's the Benadryl?- Aisle 2.

90101:00:24,774 --> 01:00:27,375- Which one's Aisle 2?- The one with the big 2 over it.

90201:00:27,494 --> 01:00:28,974Sara, I'm fine.

903

01:00:29,095 --> 01:00:31,175- You sure it's in Aisle 2?- No.

90401:00:31,255 --> 01:00:33,175Really, it is not that serious.

90501:00:37,176 --> 01:00:38,376Benadryl.

90601:00:39,376 --> 01:00:42,456- A lot of Benadryl. A lot.- What? Are you...

90701:00:56,376 --> 01:00:58,977Coquille St. Jacques. Death on a leaf!

90801:01:03,257 --> 01:01:04,377Come on!

90901:01:15,178 --> 01:01:16,859Okay, we're doing fine.

91001:01:16,978 --> 01:01:19,379Just a couple more blocksand you get to lie down.

91101:01:27,899 --> 01:01:29,659Wait, who sings that song again?

91201:01:29,780 --> 01:01:31,579Oh, girl. Earth, Wind & Fire.

913

01:01:31,660 --> 01:01:33,499You should let them sing it.

91401:01:36,980 --> 01:01:40,581I bet this would be great on the rocks.It's good, right?

91501:01:42,980 --> 01:01:45,781I bet I can ask youjust about anything right now.

91601:01:46,061 --> 01:01:46,981No.

91701:01:47,581 --> 01:01:49,581I'm a vault, baby. Locked down.

91801:01:51,381 --> 01:01:54,582What is an heiress doing with a CPA?

91901:01:55,102 --> 01:01:56,782They're going to the Knicks game.

92001:01:57,381 --> 01:01:59,261Yep, Fort Knox.

92101:02:01,102 --> 01:02:03,582He loves her so much!

92201:02:04,062 --> 01:02:05,582I'm sure he does.

923

01:02:06,182 --> 01:02:10,303I'm telling you, people searchtheir whole lives trying to find the...

92401:02:10,382 --> 01:02:13,183Reasons that we're here

92501:02:14,383 --> 01:02:15,583I wouldn't know.

92601:02:16,463 --> 01:02:17,903You would if you saw it.

92701:02:18,303 --> 01:02:21,664Sometimes it's really hardto see the forest through the sleaze.

92801:02:22,863 --> 01:02:25,104What about you? You ever been in love?

92901:02:30,184 --> 01:02:31,264Yep.

93001:02:35,385 --> 01:02:37,104But you're never gonna know that.

93101:02:40,705 --> 01:02:43,585Okay, I think you've had enoughof the juice box.

93201:02:46,185 --> 01:02:47,385Let's go.

93301:02:54,066 --> 01:02:55,786This is some place.

93401:02:57,106 --> 01:02:58,306You live here alone?

93501:03:00,067 --> 01:03:04,466Yeah. I actually prefer it that way.What about you?

93601:03:05,107 --> 01:03:09,187I haven't had a roommate since college,and he upped and married my sister.

93701:03:09,388 --> 01:03:11,907- Really?- Yeah, they're gonna have a baby soon.

93801:03:12,388 --> 01:03:13,787Uncle Hitch.

93901:03:15,388 --> 01:03:16,708Thank you.

94001:03:22,468 --> 01:03:25,269- So, how do you feel?- Good.

94101:03:26,588 --> 01:03:27,788Relaxed.

94201:03:29,268 --> 01:03:30,869So what about you? Any siblings?

94301:03:33,189 --> 01:03:36,869Sister. Maria. Lives in D.C.

94401:03:39,110 --> 01:03:40,590Younger, right?

94501:03:43,190 --> 01:03:44,710I could hear it in your voice.

94601:03:46,190 --> 01:03:49,590Sort of an innate protective thing.

94701:03:51,910 --> 01:03:53,270Yeah, I guess.

94801:03:58,990 --> 01:03:59,911What?

94901:04:03,111 --> 01:04:04,391She almost died once.

95001:04:09,271 --> 01:04:10,392I was 10.

95101:04:18,992 --> 01:04:21,592We were skating on the pondbehind our house...

95201:04:22,073 --> 01:04:23,593

and she fell through the ice.

95301:04:25,993 --> 01:04:27,393My dad pulled her out.

95401:04:31,513 --> 01:04:32,873Gave her mouth-to-mouth.

95501:04:36,474 --> 01:04:38,874Longest three minutes of my life.

95601:04:40,714 --> 01:04:42,194Yeah, I'm sure.

95701:04:48,194 --> 01:04:50,595I don't think I've ever really gotten over it.

95801:04:54,195 --> 01:04:57,275Kind of defines you, doesn't it?

95901:05:02,076 --> 01:05:06,476You know like,one moment you're gliding along...

96001:05:07,796 --> 01:05:11,596the next moment you're standing in the rainwatching your life fall apart.

96101:05:13,597 --> 01:05:14,877Except it was snow.

962

01:05:16,997 --> 01:05:19,398Yeah. That's what I said, "snow."

96301:05:21,597 --> 01:05:22,717You said "rain."

96401:05:24,797 --> 01:05:26,998Some kind of precipitation.

96501:05:31,678 --> 01:05:33,198Is that what happened to you?

96601:05:37,518 --> 01:05:40,719Nothing as dramaticas falling through the ice.

96701:05:44,599 --> 01:05:46,199You know...

96801:05:47,519 --> 01:05:48,999it definitely...

96901:05:52,599 --> 01:05:54,000Left a scar?

97001:05:56,200 --> 01:05:57,200Yeah.

97101:06:09,401 --> 01:06:12,801I guess it's best just not to love at all, right?

97201:06:16,882 --> 01:06:18,201Or skate.

97301:06:45,124 --> 01:06:46,484Are you here?

97401:06:55,204 --> 01:07:00,085Sara, you're such an idiot! You moron!What the hell did you think?

97501:07:00,205 --> 01:07:03,205You're so stupid! You gotta learn, Sara.

97601:07:03,285 --> 01:07:05,805- When are you gonna learn...- Should I come back later?

97701:07:07,925 --> 01:07:11,205Hi. I thought you left.

97801:07:11,526 --> 01:07:15,926Well, I did,but then I came back with breakfast.

97901:07:16,807 --> 01:07:19,807I figured it was the least that I could do.

98001:07:21,406 --> 01:07:23,806I didn't know what you were drinking...

98101:07:24,207 --> 01:07:28,727so I got a grande cap, a latte,an Earl Grey tea...

98201:07:29,007 --> 01:07:31,007and something with "chai" in the title.

98301:07:33,007 --> 01:07:34,087Tea for me.

98401:07:34,208 --> 01:07:36,808Tea. Yes! I was hoping you'd say that.

98501:07:39,687 --> 01:07:42,808Oh, God.You're a morning person, aren't you?

98601:07:44,008 --> 01:07:47,128Well, like I always tell my clients:

98701:07:47,209 --> 01:07:50,008Begin each day as if it were on purpose.

98801:07:57,529 --> 01:07:59,530- Wow. Beautiful day.- Yeah.

98901:08:01,129 --> 01:08:03,409- Beautiful girl.- Thank you.

99001:08:05,290 --> 01:08:07,130Well, I'm this way.

991

01:08:07,610 --> 01:08:09,811I'm that way.

99201:08:11,130 --> 01:08:13,211Give me a ring sometime.

99301:08:15,011 --> 01:08:16,731I mean, on the phone.

99401:08:19,211 --> 01:08:21,811No, I definitely will.

99501:08:24,332 --> 01:08:25,412Good.

99601:08:53,533 --> 01:08:55,213I gotta go to work.

99701:09:04,615 --> 01:09:05,614Bye.

99801:09:08,135 --> 01:09:09,294Goodbye.

99901:09:33,136 --> 01:09:36,217Can you believe what a beautiful day it is...

100001:09:36,817 --> 01:09:38,017not?

100101:09:38,137 --> 01:09:41,137- What's wrong, pumpkin?- I'm so stupid.

100201:09:41,697 --> 01:09:43,938I ignored your advice. I went on that date.

100301:09:44,017 --> 01:09:45,018With who?

100401:09:45,938 --> 01:09:47,417Not the lingerie guy.

100501:09:47,618 --> 01:09:50,818Vance Munson. And you're right,there's no way he ever had a mother.

100601:09:50,898 --> 01:09:52,218That bad?

100701:09:52,498 --> 01:09:56,498He took me to Scalinatella,and he was affectionate and sweet.

100801:09:57,018 --> 01:10:00,219He told me all these intimate things,like how he can't taste food...

100901:10:00,339 --> 01:10:01,699and he wants three kids.

101001:10:01,939 --> 01:10:03,138So you slept with him.

101101:10:04,419 --> 01:10:06,219

I never seen anybody get dressed that fast.

101201:10:06,419 --> 01:10:08,019Case, I'm so sorry.

101301:10:09,820 --> 01:10:13,139- Maybe I'll just die alone after all.- No, you won't.

101401:10:13,220 --> 01:10:17,420You'll meet a great guy with a great smileand you'll travel the world together.

101501:10:17,540 --> 01:10:19,620Who are you? Where's my best friend?

101601:10:19,700 --> 01:10:22,821It's true. He just hasn't found you yet.But he will.

101701:10:22,900 --> 01:10:26,420Just as he's leaving, guess what he says:"Date Doctor, my ass."

101801:10:26,621 --> 01:10:29,300- What does that mean?- It means he's really out there.

101901:10:29,421 --> 01:10:33,141

And if I ever meet him, the only datehe's gonna need is with a real doctor.

102001:10:45,302 --> 01:10:46,342That's him.

102101:10:46,823 --> 01:10:48,822Vance, is that you?

102201:10:49,423 --> 01:10:52,223Yeah, hey there, beautiful.

102301:10:52,423 --> 01:10:53,822Sara Melas, from the Standard.

102401:10:53,943 --> 01:10:56,223I'd like to discussthe dating consultant you hired...

102501:10:56,422 --> 01:10:58,423before you went out with Casey Sedgewick.

102601:11:01,823 --> 01:11:05,144You don't wanna talk, that's fine.I'm going to write this anyway.

102701:11:05,223 --> 01:11:07,824You just earned yourself a photowith a boldface caption.

102801:11:08,024 --> 01:11:09,424

What? Nice.

102901:11:09,544 --> 01:11:13,144I can only imagine how the tradingfloor guys will react when they see this.

103001:11:13,224 --> 01:11:14,824You have no proof, no facts.

103101:11:14,905 --> 01:11:17,625Vance, I'm a gossip columnist, not the DA.

103201:11:17,625 --> 01:11:20,345Okay, how much will it cost meto stay out of this?

103301:11:20,425 --> 01:11:22,225I don't want money. I want a name.

103401:11:22,345 --> 01:11:24,505- I don't know his name.- Well, what do you know?

103501:11:27,305 --> 01:11:28,625I know this.

103601:11:34,826 --> 01:11:36,826All this for a lousy lay.

103701:11:37,226 --> 01:11:38,506Are we satisfied?

103801:11:40,227 --> 01:11:41,307Almost.

103901:11:45,027 --> 01:11:47,827No, you... You got to be...

104001:11:53,427 --> 01:11:54,707Is this really necessary?

104101:11:55,428 --> 01:11:56,828Have you seen your back?

104201:11:56,828 --> 01:12:00,508No, but I see my front and maybewe should be starting with some sit-ups.

104301:12:01,308 --> 01:12:02,828God! Mother of Troy!

104401:12:06,228 --> 01:12:07,428Hello?

104501:12:08,829 --> 01:12:12,429That's crazy.Just hearing your voice makes me smile.

104601:12:12,509 --> 01:12:13,828How are you?

104701:12:13,949 --> 01:12:16,029I'm good, I think.

104801:12:16,229 --> 01:12:19,629No, actually, you know what?I feel a little strange.

104901:12:21,710 --> 01:12:23,029I'm good.

105001:12:24,350 --> 01:12:25,629Sweet Georgia Brown!

105101:12:25,830 --> 01:12:26,830What was that?

105201:12:26,910 --> 01:12:29,950No, that's just some guy screaming.

105301:12:31,030 --> 01:12:32,831Listen, is there any context...

105401:12:32,831 --> 01:12:37,830under which you'd consider facial edemaand pharmaceutical intervention a date?

105501:12:39,030 --> 01:12:40,431Probably not.

105601:12:40,511 --> 01:12:41,711How about a do-over?

105701:12:41,831 --> 01:12:44,632- What do you have in mind?- Dinner, my place.

105801:12:44,831 --> 01:12:48,351Because obviously going anywhere publicwith you is out of the question.

105901:12:49,232 --> 01:12:51,832God! That's it. I don't like you very much.

106001:12:52,032 --> 01:12:53,312What is that?

106101:12:53,432 --> 01:12:54,632Wait, I'm getting up.

106201:12:54,912 --> 01:12:57,233It's like one of those makeover shows.

106301:12:57,312 --> 01:12:59,312- That's a makeover show?- It's Danish.

106401:12:59,433 --> 01:13:01,033Almost done!

106501:13:02,033 --> 01:13:03,233Friday?

106601:13:03,432 --> 01:13:08,033Can't. I told a friend I'd go speed dating.You know, for moral support.

1067

01:13:08,233 --> 01:13:09,714But tomorrow I'm free.

106801:13:11,033 --> 01:13:12,913Great. All right, 8:00?

106901:13:13,234 --> 01:13:14,153Great.

107001:13:14,234 --> 01:13:16,914- All right. Bye-bye.- Bye.

107101:13:22,035 --> 01:13:25,155- See, it wasrt so bad, was it?- God!

107201:13:29,314 --> 01:13:31,835Ball is back in playafter a 20-second timeout.

107301:13:31,955 --> 01:13:35,835Knicks lead the Grizzlies, 12-6,here early in the first quarter.

107401:13:45,316 --> 01:13:47,716- So this is what this feels like?- "This" being?

107501:13:48,436 --> 01:13:50,436Great seats, great game.

107601:13:51,956 --> 01:13:53,716Great date.

1077

01:13:55,837 --> 01:13:57,437I mean, sort of.

107801:13:58,037 --> 01:14:00,237To me, it feels like a...

107901:14:00,837 --> 01:14:02,837- Date?- Yeah.

108001:14:08,438 --> 01:14:10,158Look at her. She looks so happy.

108101:14:10,918 --> 01:14:13,438How does a guy like that end upwith a girl like her?

108201:14:19,238 --> 01:14:22,358I am so jealous.I've always wanted to be able to do that.

108301:14:22,639 --> 01:14:25,639Really? Tonight is your lucky night.Let's see what you got.

108401:14:25,719 --> 01:14:27,319Okay. You ready?

108501:14:30,159 --> 01:14:33,240- Oh, God. I'm sorry.- It's fine.

108601:14:33,319 --> 01:14:35,440Knicks off to a great start...

108701:14:35,560 --> 01:14:36,920All right, here's how it works.

108801:14:37,040 --> 01:14:41,160Central Park Zoo, tomorrow, noon,by the sea lions.

108901:14:42,360 --> 01:14:43,840No, don't worry. I'll find you.

109001:14:44,440 --> 01:14:46,160All right. Thank you.

109101:15:03,962 --> 01:15:06,162It's all right. I'm sorry.

109201:15:06,522 --> 01:15:07,842Damn me.

109301:15:12,043 --> 01:15:14,443That was it! You got it. Do it again.

109401:15:16,042 --> 01:15:17,323Look how cute they are.

109501:15:47,445 --> 01:15:48,525Thanks.

109601:16:04,247 --> 01:16:06,247I had a great time tonight, Albert.

109701:16:07,447 --> 01:16:10,047I had a great time, too, Allegra.

109801:16:29,849 --> 01:16:31,248Good night.

109901:16:31,729 --> 01:16:33,048Good night, Albert.

110001:16:46,169 --> 01:16:48,250- Allegra.- Yes?

110101:16:52,250 --> 01:16:53,450Hold on.

110201:17:14,732 --> 01:17:16,372I like your lips.

110301:17:20,253 --> 01:17:21,972They seem to like you, too.

110401:17:30,053 --> 01:17:31,453Good night.

110501:17:32,054 --> 01:17:33,333Good night.

110601:18:08,056 --> 01:18:10,176- Anything?- Not yet.

110701:18:10,936 --> 01:18:13,336But I got some great shots

of you biting your nails.

110801:18:13,736 --> 01:18:15,057Well, it's a big story.

110901:18:16,937 --> 01:18:18,457- Incoming.- Really?

111001:18:18,537 --> 01:18:19,737Yep. They're shaking hands.

111101:18:19,977 --> 01:18:22,177This is so great. I can't wait to nail this guy.

111201:18:22,257 --> 01:18:24,177Make sure you get a good shot of his face.

111301:18:24,258 --> 01:18:26,657- What's he look like?- Tall, dark, and handsome.

111401:18:26,737 --> 01:18:28,257Basic principles:

111501:18:28,458 --> 01:18:30,658No matter what, no matter who,no matter when.

111601:18:30,857 --> 01:18:32,458This is killing me.

111701:18:32,538 --> 01:18:34,178

Geoff is managing to play it straight.

111801:18:34,378 --> 01:18:36,058How long have you been in love with her?

111901:18:36,178 --> 01:18:39,658Her? About two-and-a-half years.

112001:18:42,259 --> 01:18:43,339Take a look.

112101:18:51,179 --> 01:18:54,179- How'd you get my card?- Albert Brennaman.

112201:18:54,260 --> 01:18:56,179- Great guy, isn't he?- Excellent guy.

112301:18:58,460 --> 01:18:59,860What? Sara.

112401:19:05,861 --> 01:19:09,060- Pleasure to meet you, Geoff.- Hey, what...

112501:19:13,461 --> 01:19:16,862- How'd you get my card?- Albert Brennaman.

112601:19:17,061 --> 01:19:19,182- Great guy, isn't he?- Excellent guy.

112701:19:21,462 --> 01:19:22,862You sure you want to do this?

112801:19:23,662 --> 01:19:24,662Why wouldn't I?

112901:19:27,982 --> 01:19:32,262Louise made an interesting observationon the way home the other night.

113001:19:33,342 --> 01:19:36,663She said people who are guardedare afraid...

113101:19:37,663 --> 01:19:39,583that you can see right through them.

113201:19:39,663 --> 01:19:43,743That's why they hide behindlayers of secrecy or humor.

113301:19:43,984 --> 01:19:47,183He'll have to hide behind a lot morethan that once this hits the fan.

113401:19:47,863 --> 01:19:49,063She meant you.

113501:19:54,184 --> 01:19:55,584What do you want me to say?

113601:19:57,064 --> 01:20:01,065That I like the guy?Yeah, sure, I liked the guy.

113701:20:02,665 --> 01:20:05,065Well, here's his shirt.

113801:20:07,065 --> 01:20:10,865- Why don't you think about it? Call me.- Thanks.

113901:20:22,187 --> 01:20:24,267Papi, Sara Melas is here to see you.

114001:20:25,747 --> 01:20:28,666Thanks a lot, Raoul. Send her up.And stop calling me papi.

114101:20:39,988 --> 01:20:43,188Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes.

114201:20:44,468 --> 01:20:46,468I believe this belongs to you.

114301:20:50,468 --> 01:20:53,068Yeah, this thing is like a bad penny.

114401:20:53,188 --> 01:20:54,269Wow!

114501:20:55,269 --> 01:20:56,749So this is it.

114601:20:57,469 --> 01:20:59,069Yeah, this is it.

114701:21:00,749 --> 01:21:02,669Business must be good.

114801:21:03,270 --> 01:21:05,669Well, it has its rewards.

114901:21:07,470 --> 01:21:08,750I'll bet.

115001:21:10,190 --> 01:21:11,470Tough day?

115101:21:12,471 --> 01:21:13,670You could say that.

115201:21:15,191 --> 01:21:18,191Well, you know what?You can just sit back and relax.

115301:21:18,270 --> 01:21:19,991I got this all covered.

115401:21:23,071 --> 01:21:25,471Spanish wine!

115501:21:27,191 --> 01:21:29,671How thoughtful are we?

115601:21:29,752 --> 01:21:32,552- Here, let me pour that for you.- No, that's okay.

115701:21:33,191 --> 01:21:35,752- You want some?- Sure.

115801:21:37,472 --> 01:21:39,473So, Hitch.

115901:21:40,192 --> 01:21:43,472Is that a noun or a verb?

116001:21:45,993 --> 01:21:47,273I guess it depends.

116101:21:49,673 --> 01:21:53,353Let's see, what should we toast to?

116201:21:56,473 --> 01:21:59,194Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink.

116301:22:00,194 --> 01:22:03,274But if you must lie,lie in the arms of the one you love.

116401:22:04,074 --> 01:22:06,954If you must steal,steal away from bad company.

116501:22:07,074 --> 01:22:09,674If you must cheat, cheat death.

116601:22:10,555 --> 01:22:11,875And if you must drink...

116701:22:12,475 --> 01:22:15,475drink in the momentsthat take your breath away.

116801:22:17,675 --> 01:22:19,196Did you just make that up?

116901:22:31,076 --> 01:22:32,477Make yourself at home.

117001:22:33,076 --> 01:22:35,276I'm gonna check on the risotto.

117101:22:36,957 --> 01:22:40,077Look at this! Which one's the music?

117201:22:47,077 --> 01:22:48,878It does lights, too?

117301:22:50,877 --> 01:22:53,278Let me help you out with that.

117401:22:53,478 --> 01:22:55,998Now, this is nifty.

117501:22:57,598 --> 01:22:58,759What are you doing?

117601:22:59,278 --> 01:23:01,278

How does it work, exactly?

117701:23:02,879 --> 01:23:07,599Well, usually you have dinner,then you have dessert.

117801:23:08,399 --> 01:23:11,599No, I mean your thriving business.

117901:23:15,880 --> 01:23:17,200I don't do interviews.

118001:23:19,079 --> 01:23:22,680But if you'd like to get back to the evening,I'd be happy to sit and talk.

118101:23:22,761 --> 01:23:24,560Great idea. You start.

118201:23:25,881 --> 01:23:30,200Well, maybe I would if you werert snarling.

118301:23:36,481 --> 01:23:38,401What if I told you...

118401:23:38,482 --> 01:23:43,282that I know exactly what you doand how you do it?

118501:23:43,362 --> 01:23:45,202And I think it's despicable!

1186

01:23:45,282 --> 01:23:48,002You know what?We might need to go out to dinner.

118701:23:48,082 --> 01:23:51,602There's a great seafood restaurantI'd love to take you to.

118801:23:53,482 --> 01:23:55,603How about you just get a cleaver, butcher?

118901:23:56,082 --> 01:23:58,883- Maybe I will!- What the hell is wrong with you?

119001:23:59,082 --> 01:24:00,763Nothing a front-page story can't cure.

119101:24:00,883 --> 01:24:02,283So that's what this is all about?

119201:24:02,403 --> 01:24:05,084Albert and Allegraon the front of your crap-ass newspaper?

119301:24:05,204 --> 01:24:06,884- You put them there!- No, you did!

119401:24:07,083 --> 01:24:09,604

No, he did! The minute he called you!

119501:24:36,085 --> 01:24:38,006Dr. Hitch. Listen to me, papi.

119601:24:38,086 --> 01:24:42,006I need to bring my partner, Amir,somewhere amazing for our anniversary.

119701:24:42,566 --> 01:24:45,367Maybe it's not your thing, but maybe it is.

119801:24:45,487 --> 01:24:47,367What the hell are you talking about, Raoul?

119901:24:47,487 --> 01:24:48,887It's you, no?

120001:25:08,568 --> 01:25:12,408So, my friend, how was she? Pretty good?

120101:25:16,409 --> 01:25:18,769How was she? I'll tell you! She was great!

120201:25:32,690 --> 01:25:33,890Isn't that the Date Doctor?

120301:25:34,011 --> 01:25:36,970- I'm telling you, that's him.

- He doesn't look anything like him.

120401:25:37,090 --> 01:25:39,611- Excuse me. Do you know him?- No.

120501:25:40,091 --> 01:25:43,491I want you to look me in the eyeand tell me that he did not hire you.

120601:25:43,691 --> 01:25:47,292Ma'am, I have never seen this manbefore in my life.

120701:25:47,371 --> 01:25:48,411See you later, Tony.

120801:25:48,491 --> 01:25:50,972Tony? You have gotsome serious explaining to do.

120901:25:51,092 --> 01:25:52,972Albert. Hitch. You all right?

121001:25:53,091 --> 01:25:55,772I can't really talk right now.I'm kind of tied up.

121101:25:55,892 --> 01:25:57,772One, two. On three.

121201:26:05,493 --> 01:26:07,293Women will remain seated.

121301:26:07,373 --> 01:26:10,493Men will rotate to the left at the buzzer.

121401:26:10,693 --> 01:26:12,693You get two minutes each,four minutes total.

121501:26:12,774 --> 01:26:16,213So trade your talk time when you hear...

121601:26:18,413 --> 01:26:19,614the gong.

121701:26:19,694 --> 01:26:21,494If it's mutual, you get numbers.

121801:26:21,693 --> 01:26:24,975If not, better luck next time, okay?

121901:26:25,894 --> 01:26:28,214Ladies, take your seats.

122001:26:29,495 --> 01:26:34,015Case, you are a living testimonialto the triumph of hope over experience.

122101:26:34,095 --> 01:26:35,295Thanks for coming.

1222

01:26:35,375 --> 01:26:38,495I know it's lame. I'm sure it's the last thingyou feel like doing.

122301:26:38,695 --> 01:26:42,496I really prefer Rachmaninoffto the heavier romantic composers.

122401:26:42,695 --> 01:26:45,616But despite the pan-Germanicanti-Semitism...

122501:26:45,695 --> 01:26:48,696I'd still have to say my favorite is Wagner.

122601:26:50,896 --> 01:26:53,296- Nice talking to you.- Thank you. Bye.

122701:26:53,496 --> 01:26:54,496Bye.

122801:26:56,297 --> 01:26:57,496Excuse me.

122901:26:58,016 --> 01:26:59,617That's my seat, man.

123001:27:01,617 --> 01:27:03,497My name is Ron. I'm 28.

123101:27:03,697 --> 01:27:06,097

Albert Brennaman is a good man.

123201:27:06,217 --> 01:27:08,898In fact, Albert Brennaman is a great man.

123301:27:08,977 --> 01:27:11,618I just got out of a five-year relationship.

123401:27:11,697 --> 01:27:14,498I'm a lot of fun at parties. I like dogs...

123501:27:14,577 --> 01:27:17,098And then you're mad at mefor what I do for a living?

123601:27:17,218 --> 01:27:18,498I've already got your number...

123701:27:18,698 --> 01:27:21,099so why don't you goconsult your conscience?

123801:27:21,218 --> 01:27:23,898- Albert is in love with her.- Just like Sebastian?

123901:27:24,019 --> 01:27:25,899- Is there a problem?- No, just one sec.

124001:27:26,019 --> 01:27:28,579

- What do you have against Allegra anyway?- Nothing.

124101:27:28,699 --> 01:27:31,699My interest is protecting womenfrom assholes like you.

124201:27:31,779 --> 01:27:33,379I did ice climbing once.

124301:27:33,499 --> 01:27:35,699- You don't even know me.- And whose fault is that?

124401:27:35,900 --> 01:27:38,500...the sun comes up,the ice really starts to fall apart.

124501:27:38,699 --> 01:27:39,780I bet. I'm sorry.

124601:27:39,900 --> 01:27:41,900- Do you know this guy?- Apparently not.

124701:27:42,100 --> 01:27:43,620You're in my seat.

124801:27:43,700 --> 01:27:47,100You really...I'm doing you a favor, believe me.

124901:27:47,220 --> 01:27:51,221Basically, I like outdoor sports.

But indoor sports have their place, too.

125001:27:51,300 --> 01:27:53,901There are certain aspects of my jobthat are secretive.

125101:27:54,021 --> 01:27:56,021And my job is to try to find the truth.

125201:27:56,101 --> 01:27:59,622The truth? You wouldn't know the truthif it kicked you in the head.

125301:27:59,701 --> 01:28:02,182If Albert Brennaman has to take a fall for it,so be it.

125401:28:02,301 --> 01:28:04,502Why don't you saywhat's really pissing you off?

125501:28:04,581 --> 01:28:06,022I've been waiting to talk to her...

125601:28:06,102 --> 01:28:08,502- You want to sit down? Here you go. Gong!- Thank you.

125701:28:08,582 --> 01:28:09,622Excuse me.

125801:28:09,702 --> 01:28:12,702Hi. Actually, you're not supposed to move.

125901:28:12,822 --> 01:28:15,383I'm Alex Hitchens. No, it's okay. Go.

126001:28:15,503 --> 01:28:16,983- I'm Casey.- Hi, Casey.

126101:28:17,223 --> 01:28:20,023I work for a small publishing housein the press department...

126201:28:20,103 --> 01:28:23,103which isn't actually where I want to be.But it's a good house...

126301:28:23,223 --> 01:28:25,623You handled me. You manipulated me.

126401:28:25,703 --> 01:28:29,224You researched me and you showed memy great-grandfather's signature.

126501:28:29,304 --> 01:28:31,384Wait. You're Ellis Island?

1266

01:28:31,504 --> 01:28:33,304- I thought that was real sweet.- Thank you.

126701:28:33,384 --> 01:28:34,985Case, you're not helping.

126801:28:35,104 --> 01:28:36,704Excuse me, I'm on a date.

126901:28:37,904 --> 01:28:41,505Does it ever occur to womenthat maybe a guy might like to have a plan...

127001:28:41,625 --> 01:28:42,985because he's nervous?

127101:28:43,104 --> 01:28:46,905He's not sure that he could justwalk up to you and you'd respond if he said:

127201:28:46,985 --> 01:28:48,425"I like you."

127301:28:52,705 --> 01:28:55,626- That sounds good to me.- True, you can't tell them you like them.

127401:28:55,705 --> 01:28:58,826- I tried that. It didn't go well.- I've crashed and burned on that.

1275

01:28:58,906 --> 01:29:01,506That is what you did, and I did like you!

127601:29:01,626 --> 01:29:04,506I just didn't know I was being worked overby some professional.

127701:29:04,586 --> 01:29:05,907He doesn't have a badge.

127801:29:06,587 --> 01:29:08,507The only time he was sincereor spontaneous...

127901:29:08,706 --> 01:29:12,307was when everything was going wrongor when you were stoned out of your head.

128001:29:12,427 --> 01:29:15,627- I'm sorry to interrupt. Do I know you?- No, I don't think so.

128101:29:15,707 --> 01:29:18,508- You wanna see me be spontaneous?- Sure, you want a Benadryl?

128201:29:18,587 --> 01:29:22,908This is really kind of distracting.And I haven't gotten laid in a year!

1283

01:29:29,108 --> 01:29:31,789We're sorry.Why don't you guys get back to your date?

128401:29:32,588 --> 01:29:34,909Or go somewhere.

128501:29:35,909 --> 01:29:37,109Maybe from the bank?

128601:29:37,709 --> 01:29:41,309If this doesn't work out, call him.He might hook you up with Paris Hilton.

128701:29:41,389 --> 01:29:44,589Wait, that's it. You're the Date Doctor, right?

128801:29:48,989 --> 01:29:51,910- You're the Date Doctor?- Do we have a problem here?

128901:29:51,910 --> 01:29:56,430Yeah, a big one!What the hell did I ever do to you?

129001:29:58,310 --> 01:29:59,631Am I missing something?

129101:30:00,110 --> 01:30:02,111Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

129201:30:02,311 --> 01:30:04,911Why don't you go hit a titty barwith your buddy Vance?

129301:30:10,511 --> 01:30:11,512Wow.

129401:30:13,391 --> 01:30:14,512I don't believe this.

129501:30:18,032 --> 01:30:19,312That's your source?

129601:30:20,193 --> 01:30:21,712You buried yourself, Alex.

129701:30:22,312 --> 01:30:23,912Then you werert listening.

129801:30:24,033 --> 01:30:26,112I heard every word.

129901:30:26,593 --> 01:30:28,193You're a scam artist.

130001:30:28,312 --> 01:30:31,713- You trick women into getting...- Into getting out of their own way...

130101:30:31,793 --> 01:30:35,114so great guys like Albert Brennamanhave a fighting chance.

130201:30:35,234 --> 01:30:38,593No, I want everybodyto take a good look at this right now.

130301:30:38,713 --> 01:30:40,114Because this right here...

130401:30:40,314 --> 01:30:44,114this is exactly why falling in loveis so goddamn hard.

130501:30:45,514 --> 01:30:47,315Sir, let's go. Now.

130601:30:50,315 --> 01:30:52,595And Vance Munson is a pig!

130701:30:52,714 --> 01:30:54,915And I refused to work with him.

130801:30:55,635 --> 01:30:57,315You need to get your facts right.

130901:30:59,516 --> 01:31:02,516It's because of jerks like himthat I even have a job.

131001:31:05,396 --> 01:31:06,716Had a job.

131101:31:18,996 --> 01:31:20,317Can you believe that guy?

1312

01:31:21,517 --> 01:31:24,117Actually, I do.

131301:31:44,598 --> 01:31:45,799You...

131401:31:47,399 --> 01:31:49,119complete me.

131501:31:50,599 --> 01:31:52,920- I might just have...- Shut up.

131601:31:53,519 --> 01:31:55,000Just shut up.

131701:31:55,920 --> 01:31:57,800You had me at "hello."

131801:32:24,842 --> 01:32:26,121No comment.

131901:32:30,522 --> 01:32:34,323This is off the record.

132001:32:39,402 --> 01:32:41,123I came to apologize.

132101:32:41,323 --> 01:32:43,723I made some assumptions about you...

132201:32:43,923 --> 01:32:46,604based on nothing, it turns out.

132301:32:49,324 --> 01:32:53,004- I guess Casey's right. My best friend...- Don't worry about it. We're straight.

132401:32:54,324 --> 01:32:58,124I should've asked you.But sometimes you're so guarded.

132501:32:58,324 --> 01:33:01,525I just don't wanna be another reasonfor you to...

132601:33:02,525 --> 01:33:06,524I'm not someone who likes to get involvedpast a certain point.

132701:33:06,725 --> 01:33:10,325And that point was about a week ago.

132801:33:16,125 --> 01:33:20,526Well, I just want to say I'm really sorry...

132901:33:22,046 --> 01:33:23,526and I didn't mean to hurt you.

133001:33:26,046 --> 01:33:27,327You didn't.

133101:33:31,326 --> 01:33:32,527

That's a relief.

133201:34:00,449 --> 01:34:03,249- Hey, fella.- Yeah, good. You?

133301:34:05,729 --> 01:34:06,930What you got there?

133401:34:07,010 --> 01:34:11,530This? I figured maybe if my heartstops beating, it wouldn't hurt so much.

133501:34:13,010 --> 01:34:14,210She hasn't called back?

133601:34:18,531 --> 01:34:19,811You want some coffee?

133701:34:25,011 --> 01:34:26,131I want you to fix it.

133801:34:30,612 --> 01:34:31,812I got nothing, Albert.

133901:34:33,811 --> 01:34:36,131You wanna do something?We should get out tonight.

134001:34:36,212 --> 01:34:39,132Honestly, I never knew I could feel like this.

1341

01:34:39,332 --> 01:34:41,732I swear I'm going out of my mind.

134201:34:43,252 --> 01:34:45,533I wanna throw myself offof every building in New York.

134301:34:45,732 --> 01:34:50,053I see a cab and I wanna dive in front of it,because then I'll stop thinking about her.

134401:34:50,133 --> 01:34:52,733Look, you will. Just give it time.

134501:34:52,853 --> 01:34:55,134That's just it. I don't want to.

134601:34:55,534 --> 01:34:58,534I've waited my whole lifeto feel this miserable.

134701:34:58,733 --> 01:35:01,254If this is the only wayI can stay connected with her...

134801:35:01,333 --> 01:35:02,854then this is who I have to be.

134901:35:03,014 --> 01:35:06,935No, you don't.You can change, you can adapt.

135001:35:07,534 --> 01:35:10,134

You can make itso you don't ever have to feel like this.

135101:35:10,215 --> 01:35:11,135Ever again.

135201:35:21,255 --> 01:35:23,336Oh, my God. You just don't get it, do you?

135301:35:24,336 --> 01:35:25,536I get it.

135401:35:26,936 --> 01:35:28,335Let me get this straight.

135501:35:28,455 --> 01:35:31,656You're selling this stuff,but you don't believe in your own product.

135601:35:31,936 --> 01:35:34,536- Love is my life.- No. Love is your job.

135701:35:47,817 --> 01:35:50,218You wanna jump out a planewithout a chute, be my guest.

135801:35:50,338 --> 01:35:52,338But forgive me if I don't join you.

135901:35:53,537 --> 01:35:55,658

This isn't about love for you at all, is it?

136001:35:59,138 --> 01:36:01,138This whole time, I thought I was the coward.

136101:36:06,059 --> 01:36:08,058- Where you going?- Skydiving.

136201:36:37,941 --> 01:36:39,021Taxi!

136301:37:11,343 --> 01:37:12,624Mr. Hitchens.

136401:37:13,663 --> 01:37:15,824Miss Cole,thank you very much for seeing me.

136501:37:15,944 --> 01:37:18,064You said it was a matter of life and death.

136601:37:19,424 --> 01:37:22,545That man would've sold his soulto make you happy.

136701:37:22,945 --> 01:37:25,545So what does that make you, the devil?

136801:37:27,825 --> 01:37:32,465

My job is not to deceive, Miss Cole.It's to create opportunities.

136901:37:33,746 --> 01:37:34,866Like the boardroom.

137001:37:35,666 --> 01:37:37,546- Would you have noticed him otherwise?- Yes.

137101:37:37,746 --> 01:37:39,826- Really?- Eventually.

137201:37:44,226 --> 01:37:45,266Maybe.

137301:37:48,867 --> 01:37:50,946How did you know all that stuff about me?

137401:37:53,427 --> 01:37:55,147Well, you really did your homework.

137501:37:57,147 --> 01:38:00,748Like at boarding school when everyoneused to tease me because I couldn't whistle.

137601:38:01,268 --> 01:38:04,548And having him dance like a buffoon

knowing that I can't dance, either.

137701:38:05,148 --> 01:38:08,948Then telling him to drop mustardon his shirt, so I'd feel less like a dork.

137801:38:12,468 --> 01:38:14,469That was all you, right?

137901:38:15,029 --> 01:38:17,349No. Hell, no.

138001:38:17,669 --> 01:38:18,629That was him?

138101:38:19,148 --> 01:38:21,149That's got Albert written all over it.

138201:38:22,949 --> 01:38:24,629Did you put him up to the inaler?

138301:38:25,150 --> 01:38:27,269Stop it. He did not show you that.

138401:38:28,550 --> 01:38:30,550He chucked it right before he kissed me.

138501:38:31,150 --> 01:38:32,350So, wait...

138601:38:33,150 --> 01:38:35,150that stuff worked for you?

138701:38:37,150 --> 01:38:38,551It was adorable.

138801:38:45,951 --> 01:38:47,271What did you do?

138901:38:49,552 --> 01:38:50,752Nothing.

139001:38:55,832 --> 01:38:57,552Absolutely nothing.

139101:38:59,672 --> 01:39:00,752That's good.

139201:39:02,752 --> 01:39:05,153- This was your plan the whole time?- Albert.

139301:39:05,273 --> 01:39:07,353You sail off into the sunset with my girl?

139401:39:11,953 --> 01:39:15,753You were like a brother to me!

139501:39:16,633 --> 01:39:19,353- He came here for you.- Who?

139601:39:19,353 --> 01:39:20,634The guy you're choking.

139701:39:31,835 --> 01:39:33,834- I love you.- I love you.

139801:39:33,954 --> 01:39:35,754I really love you.

139901:39:39,155 --> 01:39:42,075- I love you more.- I love you more. I really do.

140001:39:44,635 --> 01:39:46,076I got somewhere I gotta go.

140101:40:16,158 --> 01:40:18,358- Yeah, who is it?- Hitch.

140201:40:19,839 --> 01:40:20,958Can I talk to you?

140301:40:29,039 --> 01:40:29,959What?

140401:40:32,359 --> 01:40:33,439You almost hit me.

140501:40:37,760 --> 01:40:41,960Look, I just wanted to stop by, basically.

1406

01:40:43,560 --> 01:40:44,760See, this is the thing.

140701:40:50,881 --> 01:40:53,761This is weird.I don't have me behind the door, you know.

140801:40:54,881 --> 01:40:55,961Close your mouth.

140901:40:59,161 --> 01:41:02,241Because I knew at some point I'd be...

141001:41:03,841 --> 01:41:07,362right here. But I thought that...

141101:41:12,163 --> 01:41:14,962everything would come out, but it's like...

141201:41:16,562 --> 01:41:17,763That's throwing me off.

141301:41:23,163 --> 01:41:25,363- Can we close the door?- What?

141401:41:25,444 --> 01:41:28,763I'm sorry. Just, can we... I just need...

141501:41:28,964 --> 01:41:31,764- Are you serious?- No, just like this.

141601:41:35,684 --> 01:41:37,284What do you want, Hitch?

141701:41:39,364 --> 01:41:40,245You.

141801:41:43,284 --> 01:41:46,965For a whole lot of reasonsthat don't make any sense to me.

141901:41:48,165 --> 01:41:51,365I mean, what, we've been on three dates?

142001:41:52,166 --> 01:41:54,086See, that's what's crazy.

142101:41:54,245 --> 01:41:56,885That's what's crazy, because I know.

142201:41:57,166 --> 01:41:58,485I know deep...

142301:41:58,566 --> 01:42:03,286like just down, just in this area...

142401:42:03,966 --> 01:42:05,966that I just know...

142501:42:07,446 --> 01:42:08,967that I want...

142601:42:09,687 --> 01:42:13,567I want to be miserable.

142701:42:13,686 --> 01:42:16,367Like, really miserable.

142801:42:16,887 --> 01:42:17,967Because, hey...

142901:42:18,087 --> 01:42:22,487if that's what it takesfor me to be happy then...

143001:42:24,647 --> 01:42:26,368Wait, that didn't come out right.

143101:42:26,488 --> 01:42:28,768What the hell is wrong with you?

143201:42:28,768 --> 01:42:31,568- Nothing!- No, not you.

143301:42:33,168 --> 01:42:34,968I'm talking to me.

143401:42:55,290 --> 01:42:57,170Alex Hitchens, Tom Reda.

143501:43:01,571 --> 01:43:02,971I'll just put this in the car.

143601:43:16,652 --> 01:43:18,252

Maybe it's like what you said.

143701:43:18,491 --> 01:43:22,372We should just both go our separate waysand then we'll do just fine.

143801:43:33,693 --> 01:43:35,293What if fine isn't good enough?

143901:43:40,374 --> 01:43:41,974What if I want extraordinary?

144001:43:43,173 --> 01:43:44,374No such thing.

144101:43:56,375 --> 01:43:58,375I'm just as scared as you are, Sara.

144201:43:59,055 --> 01:44:02,095But I'm right here, and our time is right now.

144301:44:02,495 --> 01:44:03,975Well, what about before?

144401:44:03,975 --> 01:44:07,176I am a guy. Since whendo we get anything right the first time?

144501:44:07,295 --> 01:44:09,696I'm a realist,and I know what love does to people.

144601:44:10,176 --> 01:44:11,696- No, you don't.- Keys.

144701:44:13,776 --> 01:44:16,176There you go. Right here.

144801:44:19,176 --> 01:44:21,857I don't know who this is, and I don't care.

144901:44:22,577 --> 01:44:26,777What I do know is he'll never feel about youthe way that I do.

145001:44:29,177 --> 01:44:31,778- You know how to drive a stick?- Both of you, shut up!

145101:44:38,378 --> 01:44:40,778- You okay?- Yeah. No, I'm fine.

145201:44:41,779 --> 01:44:43,778You'll never be fine, and neither will I!

145301:44:47,179 --> 01:44:48,378Maybe I should drive.

145401:44:49,458 --> 01:44:51,459Are you trying to get yourself killed?

145501:44:51,699 --> 01:44:53,059If that's what it takes.

145601:44:53,179 --> 01:44:54,500Sara, what happened?

145701:44:54,579 --> 01:44:56,980- He jumped on the car.- Why?

145801:44:57,780 --> 01:44:59,300Because that's what people do.

145901:45:00,179 --> 01:45:03,380They leap and hope to God they can fly.

146001:45:08,980 --> 01:45:10,180Because otherwise...

146101:45:11,300 --> 01:45:13,700we just drop like a rock...

146201:45:14,381 --> 01:45:16,101wondering the whole way down:

146301:45:16,981 --> 01:45:20,381"Why in the hell did I jump?"

146401:45:22,101 --> 01:45:25,582But here I am, Sara, falling.

146501:45:26,581 --> 01:45:30,502And there's only one person

that makes me feel like I can fly.

146601:45:32,782 --> 01:45:33,862That's you.

146701:45:39,062 --> 01:45:41,583So, you kind of like me?

146801:45:42,583 --> 01:45:43,703No.

146901:45:44,783 --> 01:45:45,863I love you.

147001:45:47,183 --> 01:45:49,463I love you, and I knew it from the first...

147101:45:59,705 --> 01:46:02,185If I say it back now, it'll sound so stupid.

147201:46:05,305 --> 01:46:09,305This is the guy I was telling you about.Hitch, that's my sister, Maria.

147301:46:09,385 --> 01:46:11,185And that's her husband, Tom.

147401:46:15,466 --> 01:46:16,666Her husband.

147501:46:56,789 --> 01:46:58,189Where's your date?

147601:46:58,788 --> 01:47:00,189Don't have one.

147701:47:05,789 --> 01:47:07,469I know. Shocking, huh?

147801:47:10,910 --> 01:47:13,470Oh, my God!

147901:47:20,190 --> 01:47:21,390Are you all right?

148001:47:22,991 --> 01:47:24,391Grandma, what happened?

148101:47:24,911 --> 01:47:27,991This young lady just saved my life.

148201:47:32,592 --> 01:47:34,591

Ask her to dance.

148301:47:35,791 --> 01:47:37,872Well, if you insist.

148401:47:38,992 --> 01:47:41,872- I'm Casey.- Charles Wellington.

148501:47:43,072 --> 01:47:46,112- And this...- Forget it. Just go.

148601:47:59,193 --> 01:48:00,794Basic principles:

148701:48:02,194 --> 01:48:03,313There are none.