Hey Dad! - Meet My Mom… - WordPress.com

Hey Dad! Meet My Mom…

Sandeep Sharma

Leepi Agrawal

Published by:-Gargi PublishersOpposite Head Post OfficeBijnorE-mail: [email protected]

ISBN: 9788192960982

Copyright © Sandeep SharmaFirst published by Gargi Publishers in January 2015.

All characters in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

All rights reserved by the Author. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the Author and Publisher.

Design and Typeset by Ajay Verma Cover Design by Jimmyeric Films & MediaPrinted and bound in India.

Hey Dad! Meet My Mom…

This is for all those dreamers on whom the world laughs. Here’s giving them another

reason to work harder.

Acknowledgements

‘Hey Dad! Meet My Mom!’ was a fascinating journey for us. We had no idea what we were heading towards and what the outcome would be, but now after we have completed the book, it does soothe our inner souls that we finally did it. We would like to grab this opportunity and try to convey our thanks to people who saw the dream of HDM3 with us.

Firstly I want to thank my sister, Deepshikha Sharma, who was the first one to see a potential writer living inside me. I will always be grateful to God for giving me such a sweet elder sister and on the other hand, I’ll always fight with Him for having taken her away from me. Next, I would like to thank my parents who support me and try to help me in every possible way to achieve the only dream I have for my life.

Now I would like to thank Kavita Sharma (Pinky), my sister, for being the first reader of the first draft and conversing with me for very long about the climax; thank you sis, for being the top admirer of my writing. Another important person I’d like to thank is my buddy, Shubham Kumar (Danger DX); you are the one who always keeps me on my toes at working hard. Keep on doing that buddy!

Another very important person to be thanked is Payal Srivastava. She has written beautiful poetry for HDM3 and has provided soul to our novel. Thank you for your sweet and kind effort. I would also like to thank Ashi Mittal and Shiv Kumar Sharma (Mamaji) for pulling the script out of its rough draft.

Now I wish to mention some names of people who mentored me through the journey of my writing; Mallika Nawal (Author of ‘I am a woman & I am on Sale’), Vishwas Mudagal (Author of ‘Losing My Religion’) and Shomprakash Sinha Roy (Author of ‘Life served hot’). Thank you for always being there to help.

And last but not the least, Pulkit Gupta, my publisher. He, through his team of Gargi Publishers, is the one who helped by turning a mediocre manuscript into a masterpiece. I would like to thank Gargi Sarkhel Bagchi who worked pretty hard on editing to make it free from errors and also Jimmy Eric for providing a fabulous cover.

In the end, I want to thank all my friends who kept on helping me in numerous direct or indirect ways and helped me grow as a dreamer and also work hard to achieve the dreams.

Sandeep Sharma

Acknowledgement is a space to thank those people who are actually an important part of your life and dreams. When we dreamt of HDM3, they were the ones who made this dream come true with open eyes.

So, firstly it’s my parents Shri Satyanarayan Agrawal and Smt Jayshree Agrawal who understood my passion along with my profession; closely followed by Mihir Agrawal -- the man behind my success. Secondly, I would like to thank the mentors of my passion and profession. Shri Ivan Reubens (Director of Reubs Higher Secondary School), who was actually the one who inspired me to write. Also Lt. Fr. Shri Kulandai Raj (Ex-Director of Xaviers Institute of Computer Applications). Though today he is not present to read this gratitude, I will be always thankful to him, because it’s all due to him that I am pursuing my education in the field of computers. Shri Tejas Suthar, a true mentor who has always helped me since I was in SSC. He was the one who created the base for building strong pillars in the world of IT.

Next in line is my university, The Indus University. It’s the only place from where the journey of getting published begins.

Last but not the least; I am thankful to Ashish Sharma who guided me on tactics of how to deal with people with calm and composure.

Leepi Agrawal

PROLOGUE

“Do you know what the best thing about you is?” I asked her while lying on her lap. We were naked, exhausted and very happy.

“What?” Roshni said. Her wildness was slowly transforming into cuteness. She was a lady of various colors.

“It’s the language of your body. It speaks to me and asks to explore every part of it again and again and again.” I ran my finger from her neck to navel and transformed her into a tigress once again.

Suddenly everything faded like it had never existed and at that very moment I understood that I was dreaming. A white color filled the space around me. Everything was bright, very bright but still bearable for the eyes.

I knew that at any moment, Rishi would pop up from somewhere in front of my eyes. I waited, I called out his name; but he didn’t appear. Then suddenly, I felt like I was falling; I was falling as though from high in the sky. The feeling was so real that I couldn’t stop myself from screaming. I could see the hard concrete floor waiting to hurt me the very moment I would hit it. I knew it was all a dream but still, that feeling took my breath away for a moment.

I was about to hit……. 5 … 4…. 3…. I closed my eyes in fear. Waited for the ‘crash’-moment but nothing happened. I opened my eyes and saw Rishi standing in front of me; pale and expressionless. I wanted to ask him many things but words weren’t coming out of my mouth. It was as if someone had taken control of my mind and ordered it to shut down. The next urge which grew within me was to look around; to look at the place around me. It wasn’t my will to look but it was like someone was ordering me and controlling my actions.

I looked around, it all looked familiar. I had seen this place before, in another dream. Yes, it was a railway station in Ahmedabad. But what was here? Why was this place so important, that it kept coming in my dreams again and again? Rishi really wanted to show me something here.

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1How can the world be kind and unjust at the same time?

It can compel you to exist and kill like a bewildered mime,

My soul prods me to investigate my conceded past,

But my body is tired of wandering and wants peace at last.

“Are you gay, Puneet beta?”

No son belonging to this part of the country could expect his mother to ask him this question. After hearing this, I experienced for the very first time what real embarrassment meant!

My mother, Mrs. Bina Shrivastava, could be termed as a perfect housewife of modern India. Once a stunning beauty (though rarely admitted by my father), she had now stepped into her late forties and with this age, came many life partners like diabetes, obesity, cholesterol, etc. Her life was divided into four different areas: her late husband Mr. Rajeev Shrivastava’s remembrance, her son (that was obviously me), her television series and most importantly -- the colony gossip. She was like a local news reporter for us.

Now getting back to the subject! The question really struck me a great deal and there were two matters which were passing in my head. First, that this conversation had reached its highest level and this degree was truly awkward, but if I came out of it, there was a fairly good chance that my opinion about marriage could win and the other one was ‘How the hell does she even know about gays?’

She wanted answers, but she was afraid to hear and I was embarrassed to say anything. Either one of us had to break the barrier. Finally, I took the step. “No Mom! I am absolutely fine.”

S a n d e e p S h a r m a | L e e p i a g r a w a L

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“Then why don’t you want to marry? You earn well, you are comfortably settled and most importantly, you are 29 now.” She blurted out everything she had in her head.

Well, this was not the first time I was having this conversation with my mother but still, even now, I found myself totally stuck.

“Mom, as I have told you several times earlier, I am not against marriage. I am just against “arranged marriage”. I am just 29, let me build my career, let me achieve my goals.” Then I realized that she was not interested in hearing about my vocation. This was a really strange thing, till the day, you didn’t get a job, everyone forced you to focus on your career and when you finally bagged a job, those people tried to divert your thoughts from the very same thing. ‘Getting employed is different from achieving career goals’, who was going to tell them that?

I saw my mom’s eyes, she was on the verge of bursting into tears, an emotional drama was about to begin. Instantly I seized her shoulders and said, “I will marry mom, I am just waiting for a perfect daughter-in-law for you. The day my search is over, I’ll let you know. But grant me a little more time.” She embraced me and I held her close.

I was sitting and working in my cubicle for over 3 hours now. I hadn’t even taken a pee break! There was still a lot of work to be done, but my body was denying going ahead anymore without taking a break. I closed the file and stretched my neck. The whole branch was looking like a fish market.

I was working in an SBI bank as a Branch Manager and for the whole day I had nothing to do except sitting in my glass-walled cabin and staring at either the file lying in front of me or the working of the branch, watching different customers and at times dealing with them as well.

Today the crowd was twice the normal because bank holidays were to start from tomorrow for three consecutive days.

H e y D a D ! M e e t M y M o M …

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The crowd was slowly getting impatient as the time for closing was approaching. I stole a glance at the wall clock; it was already 4:10 pm. I better start working again. Instantly I changed my focus from the outside to the inside of my cabin. But wait! There was something out there that needed to be watched. I felt a sudden, strong attraction and decided to give it a look.

She was standing at the entrance gate, looking perfect in her white denim and red top. A piece of cloth was covering her face, just the eyes were visible. I felt something unusual; that was a strong impulse of watching her. I desired her to remove that veil from her face and let me see the face of the owner of such beautiful and attractive eyes.

She looked a bit worried, maybe because of the large crowd out there. She kept moving around here and there for quite a long time and then approached an old guy; asked him something and finally joined a queue.

I kept on staring at that girl and while doing so, many customers noticed me gawking at her. ‘How cheap is this manager?’ is what most of them must’ve been wondering, as I could make out from their facial expressions. But nothing made me quit. One after another she kept on advancing in the queue. Several times I planned to come out and sit at the counter where the girl was standing, but dropped the idea each time, continuing to stare at her without blinking. That was the moment in my life when I forgot everything but that girl.

Finally, she could get her work done and was about to leave. I stood up from the chair, wanting to follow her. This was the first time in my life that I was getting so impatient for a girl. I reached the door of my cabin, opened it but finally gave up. I was almost frozen. I saw her removing the cloth and freeing her hair tucked inside it. Her back towards me, I saw each of her long hair strands dancing upon getting freed. They were appearing like small kids jumping on the air filled Mickey Mouse house. That was the moment when everything around me disappeared and instantly my heart called out to her and requested her to turn back; turn back for once and let her face


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brighten my life. But she didn’t listen. She moved out; but left a strange smile on my face.

I exhaled and remained glued till I saw him. He was looking in my eyes and was smiling while licking his lollipop. He was looking familiar, but I couldn’t recognize him. He was a kid of about 10 years of age. There was a constant smile on his face, a smile of mischief. He had caught me in the whole act. He was lifting one of his eyebrows continuously as if asking me, ‘Huh! What was that, you dirty fellow?’ I felt embarrassed, so I rushed back to my chair. I acted as if I was busy, but the whole episode was still revolving in my head. It was sheer stupidity.

I attempted to get a sneak peek outside the cabin to look at the kid once more. He was not there. I felt relieved.

I could see children playing in a field. I smiled at them but they didn’t respond. They started running away from me. I chased them. I saw them entering the graveyard. I followed them. They disappeared like smoke in open air. That day was a bit foggy. I could see someone sitting over a grave. I could see the blurred image of someone. A girl? Maybe. I don’t know why but I went closer to her. I wanted to see her. The fog started to clear and so did her image. I was standing just behind her. I leaned a bit forward to see her face. Blood drained out from my face when I found that she had no face. I screamed. I turned back and wanted to rush back to where I had come from. But before I could turn back, she grabbed my hand. I looked at her again, at her faceless face. But this time she had her face back, she was that girl, that same girl.

“Please save me, Puneet.” She pleaded and then screamed………

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2Just once I want to clasp her.

Just once I want her to appear.

Just once I want her name whispered.

Oh! You angel, I want you to conquer.

Sitting alone on the last corner seat, next to the glass window, which, from the outside read ‘Maya Café Coffee Day’, continuously stirring my freshly prepared (or you

can say freshly ordered) coffee, was my favorite time pass. After a hectic day at the bank, I was in true need of this coffee.

Maya, the owner of this coffee shop was my sole female-friend. I could have just stated that she was my girlfriend, but then things would strike a little odd because of her age. She was about my mother’s age, but nobody would dare call her ‘Aunty’. She always said that she was as fresh as her coffee. She was the only one who knew me more than I knew myself. I had been a regular customer of her coffee for over 5 years and it was not only because of the coffee but also because she had been my partner in loneliness. She was the only one who always understood my dilemma. She too was unmarried and said that she enjoyed her “single” status a lot. According to her, marrying without love was like pouring sugar in the cup of coffee for a customer suffering from diabetes. Well frankly, I never understood her choice of examples and reasoning, but yes, I could see the main motive and grasp the moral of the story.

Now getting back to that special day, I was still busy stirring the spoon in my cup and was remembering the whole girl and the boy act. It was really……. ah…. ummm…..

“Disgusting?”


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I was surprised after hearing the word. I instantly turned my gaze from the coffee cup to the boy sitting in front of me. ‘How could he have read my mind? And what the hell was he doing here?’

He was the same ‘lollipop’ kid I had seen in the bank. He was in his school uniform. I don’t know whether that lollipop was permanently stuck in his mouth because he was licking it again. His clothes, his mouth and even some parts of his hair had gotten sticky. It was disgusting. Disgusting!

I needed to ask him something, but couldn’t frame the apt question in my brain.

“Hey Dad!” He said and again started licking, of course, his lollipop, what else?

Excuse me, what had he just said? Dad!?! Truly! I believed he had mistaken me with somebody else. These kids, I tell you! When I was in the 10th standard, I used to give tuition to about 30 students of his age and I knew exactly how naughty they could be!

“OK, big boy…… What are you doing here and what’s so disgusting?” I narrowed my eyes and attempted to sound a little friendlier.

“Actually……” he was spitting out while trying to talk so I had to pull that sucker out of his mouth and then let him go on, “I am here for my dad and what I found disgusting was his manner of dealing with girls”, he finished and that sounded a bit mature for a 10 year old, lollipop sucking boy.

“So where’s your dad?” I asked, leaning forward on the table.

“Here!” he said, copying me in leaning forward and my gestures.

I turned around and found a man sitting alone and continuously looking back and smiling. I realized that this must be the boy’s father. So the ‘lollipop boy’ must have had a conflict with his father.


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“So you bunked your classes?” I asked to further continue our conversation. I didn’t know why, but I liked the kid.

“No, I got expelled.”

“So is that why you had a fight with your father?”

He said nothing.

“Listen… What’s your name?”

“Rishi”, he said and something hit me. I remembered the name. I exhaled and tried to forget what I almost thought of. There are some chapters in the book of our lives which are better buried deep in our memories, so deep that even we can’t dig them back out.

“So Rishi, do you know there are some people in life that we sometimes identify as villains? They talk like villains, they act like villains, and they do all sort of unimaginable things, but the enigma lies in the way they execute these affairs. Because if they don’t mismanage things, how would ‘the hero’ get the chance to do the right thing? For turning you into a champion, your father tries to be a scoundrel. That’s the basic principle.” I had got so excited in my own theory that I hadn’t noticed that the whole coffee shop was now staring at me and the boy had a puzzled expression on his face.

“So if I were you, I would patch up with my dad.” I finally managed to conclude ‘my speech’.

“That’s what I am doing.”

“What?” I didn’t get what he wanted to convey with those words.

“I mean…. ah… that…” He was trying to speak out something when I saw her again through the window glass. She was there, just outside the café. I was looking at her and she was busy having a fight over the phone. Once again, I could only see her back. I wished that she would turn, just this once. I wanted to


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see her, adore her beauty, carry her face to my dreams and talk to her for hours.

I was lost in her when someone shook me. It was the boy, Rishi, again.

“What?” I demanded in defeat.

“If I were you, I would have followed her and not just wished for her to turn.” He said and started licking his lollipop again which he snatched from my hand and departed. She too, left at the same time.

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3

Now that’s called a perfect start; after a hectic day at office, a bad headache on a holiday. Perfect! I tried to open my eyes and look around for medicine or

something which could help but found nothing.

“Mom, coffee!!!” I shouted loudly from my bed. On week days, I would wake up early at 5 o’clock, even before my alarm buzzed and after my morning walk, I would prepare coffee for my mother. But today was Sunday. I didn’t even care to look at my clock and went straight back to my dream, at the point where I was about to propose to her.

I was at Maya’s café with her, sitting on that same corner table. Just she and I. She was not looking in my eyes but was smiling, looking at the coffee. I pulled the ring out of my coat pocket and holding her hand, I said:

“Will you marry me?”

These words shocked her and her coffee spilt all over her dress. She panicked, I too panicked, and I didn’t know when that panicked atmosphere made her turn from a beautiful lady into a 10 year old child and that too Rishi!

“Hey Dad….” He waved his lollipop at me and smiled showing all his ‘dirty’ teeth.

I woke up from the dream and instantly sat on the bed. That dream had been more than a nightmare. I ran towards the


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bathroom and washed my face several times with cold water. I tried to wipe away the sweat beads from my face and, likewise, let the dream wash away from my memory.

I looked at the mirror on the wall in front of me and with that, lost control over my body. I grabbed the wash basin tightly to keep my body from falling.

“Hey Dad!!!” Rishi was in my bathroom. What the hell was he doing there?

“What…. what …. how…. how… did you come in….?” I was stuttering and finding it difficult to breathe. Fear shrouded me.

He said nothing, just kept on licking his lollipop. I tried to compose myself and slowly my nerves started reacting again. He’s just a kid, Puneet, relax!

“You followed me from the café, right? You stayed here the whole night. Your parents must have been looking for you. What’s your father’s mobile number? Tell me.”

“9910694889” he stated.

“Wait. This is my cell phone number. How……?” The scale indicating fear, started rising in me again but in the same fashion it came down to normal too. “Okay, you saw that on my visiting card.” I said while signaling at my visiting card lying on the table in my bedroom.

“Rishi, your father must be concerned about you.” I tried to reason with the kid.

“He doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t even allow me to take birth yet.” His words made my ‘fear scale’ resurface.

“Where’s your father?” That was a daring question from my side.

“You are my father.” He said in an instant.


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I kept on looking at him for a long time. I was white and felt cold. My soul subdued down to earth by his statement.

“Here’s your coffee, Puneet.” My mother came in the room and caught me looking at something in the toilet. She read my expression and got a little tensed. She came running towards me and brought me back to reality.

“What happened, beta?” She inquired.

“This child says that I am his father and he’s my son Rishi.” I showed her Rishi, standing in front of me.

“Which child?” And now the fear was clearly reflected in her eyes as well.

I picked up the coffee mug and brought it close to my lips when my eyes fell on it. She was there. The cream over the coffee took the shape of that girl. I threw the cup in fear and left my chair. I was panting as if I had run several miles. Then I sensed something looking at me through the window panel next to me. Slowly I turned my gaze. It showed the empty street outside; nothing else could be seen. Suddenly out of nowhere, a beggar came into the picture. He was leaning on the window panel. I could see his expressionless face, his head full of white hair. His eyes expressed a lot; I could see my fear in his eyes.

I wanted to run from there. I took my car and was about to dash away when that old beggar came and started to stroke the car window with his bare hand.

“He has returned. Your past has returned. Follow your dreams.” I felt numb, terrified, shocked.

I picked up my clothes and car keys and started to run out of my home. My mom was worried. She had never seen me behaving like this ever before. She ran behind me with her


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mobile in hand and called someone while watching me speed away.

Many thoughts were running in my head but nothing could truly explain the events happening in my life. I was feeling afraid and didn’t know what to do. Then a thought came to my mind that I should search for Rishi’s father, whom I had met in Maya’s café.

I parked my car in front of Maya’s café and started looking for Rishi’s father. I entered the café and headed towards the reception hoping to talk to Maya. I pulled her outside, she looked worried too.

We both came out of the café to talk. I was holding her hand pretty tight and was literally dragging her.

“What happened, Puneet?” She asked me while trying to snatch her hand out of my grip.

“I…. I am searching for someone.” I was sweating heavily and was bearing a fear stricken face. “I am searching for that man who was sitting behind me when I was talking to that child yesterday.” She sensed that something was wrong and was very serious.

“Which child are you talking about?” She looked confused.

“That child, who was wearing his school uniform and having a disgusting lollipop, that irritating and……..” She interrupted in between.

“THERE WAS NO CHILD WITH YOU!” She shouted and snapped me back to reality. I somehow knew that I was talking rubbish but I still wanted to give it one last chance. Then who was that child? A GHOST? “You were all alone, Puneet. You were talking to yourself. Everyone was staring at you. I felt worried.”


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I was lost in myself. Now what? Maya read my expressions. She grabbed my hand and took me inside the café. She made me sit on the corner seat where I used to sit every day.

“It happens, Puneet. I think you are working too much and also the pressure of getting married from your mother; all these things are making you a day dreamer. I think you need a vacation.” Maya sat in front of me and was continuously patting my hand to make me feel relaxed. Somehow I managed to show her a little smile.

“You know when I was your age; I saw a day dream that I am marrying my coffee shop and even heard the pundit’s mantras while preparing coffee for the customers.” She continued and laughed like a mad lady. I felt embarrassed but still relaxed. She had a comforting effect on me, like a motherly charm. “So just relax and enjoy the coffee at Maya’s café.” She shouted her last sentence while leaving her chair and left to prepare coffee for me.

She came back with my all-time favorite coffee, ‘Maya’s special café chino’ with extra cream. I thanked her; she smiled and left to attend to another customer.

I started stirring my thoughts in the coffee using the spoon. Maybe Maya was right; maybe all I needed was a vacation. I started thinking of my holiday destination when someone pulled the chair lying on the opposite side of the table and sat on it. I didn’t know how I recognized her but she was the one I had seen in the bank and then outside the café. She was my ‘hidden face’ girl.

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4Those drowning eyes keep me alive,

As captivating as the blooming lotus in a lake.

Every time I behold those pair of blue pearls,

The world around me stops and worldly affairs unfurl.

There was nothing special about her, and yet she was special to me. There was nothing about her face to adore, and yet she was adorable. There was nothing in

her to love, and yet I loved her. It was all, a kind of déjà vu for me. I saw all this in my dream, more precisely, in my nightmare.

She had a little round face; adorned by long, black, well styled hair. She looked ‘cute’ rather than pretty. Her lips were naturally pink and complimented her cute face. She had a black mole just above her upper lip at the right most corner. She had big eyes, full of depth in them; full of secrets or full of love, I didn’t really know.

I was stunned to see her. Not because of her beauty but because of the awkwardness of the moment. That was not the time I wanted to meet her. Though this did not mean that I wanted her to go away and sit somewhere else.

She was busy with two tasks simultaneously; one, getting ready to eat her sandwich and the other, messaging someone on her mobile phone using her fingers. I loved her nail art too. I was continuously staring at her with my mouth open. I was about to drool when she caught me staring at her.

“What?” She said and brought me back to my senses.


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“I…. ah…. nothing… just…. you came and….” I was trying to frame a proper sentence but as always, I failed. It always happened with me whenever I tried to talk to someone I liked, not to mention, ‘only in front of pretty girls’.

“Oh…. Actually the café is pretty crowded today. There’s no other chair left, so I decided to sit here.” She said in a very jolly manner and then suddenly she sounded low, “Hope, it’s not a problem for you.”

“Huh…. No, not at all.” I said and sunk my face back into my coffee mug. I was trying to say something to take this conversation further, but my mind turned blank. I could be such a dumb ass when it came to conversing with someone. Even I couldn’t fathom how I ever became a bank manager!

“I saw you in the bank yesterday.” I said with full confidence.

“Ah… now I remember, you are the one who was staring at me in the bank. You fucking stalker!” She said.

No, I didn’t think that was the ideal way to start our conversation.

In these kinds of weird situations, I really wished someone could help me out.

I lifted my head to take another look at her but eventually my eyes fell on a child who was taking a lot of interest on our table; he was Rishi licking his lollipop as always, sitting on the chair just behind her. He was holding his notebook with him. Something was written on it. I tried to focus on the writing that said, ‘You wished for me and I am here, dad.’ I really got scared; sweat beads of fear were slowly forming on my forehead. I tried not to lose control over my senses again. The awkwardness was now at its peak. My dream girl and my nightmare child, both were sitting in front of me.

“What happened? Why are you looking so pale? Are you alright?” She asked. Her forehead had creased up as if crumpled with all the stress of the world. She cared for me.


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I was clueless as to what I was supposed to say. My eyes were continuously changing focus between her and Rishi. I saw Rishi, writing something on a fresh page of his notebook. When he finished, he again lifted it so that I could read, what he had written.

I read it aloud, “Actually I had met with an accident and then I lost something.” Why the hell am I reading it aloud?

“When? Where? Are you alright? What did you lose?” She asked and suddenly I found myself drowning in a river of lies from the depths of which I could think of no escape. But then suddenly I saw Rishi lifting his notebook again. I read it in my mind and then cursed my stupidity at having read the previous thing aloud. What was I to do now? There was no escape. I was trapped. I had to say it.

“No, I am not well. When you chose to sit on this chair, I accidently fell in love with you and lost my heart while thinking of you.” Silence. ‘What the fuck have I just said?’ I took a sneak peek at Rishi, he was smiling. ‘You little monster! I’ll kill you.’

And then she smiled. Yes, she smiled! My friends were right, girls do love flirting!

I again looked at Rishi, he was still smiling but now he winked too.

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5Is she an angel or a mere imagination?

I want my answers finally because confusion is at its culmination.

With each passing day I find her closer.

But the moment I hold her, she vanishes, proving me a loser.

“Who’s your favorite superhero?” I asked her.

“Shaktimaan; our very own Indian superhero. I still hope that someday one of our channels will announce the arrival of Shaktimaan’s second season and I can finally watch ‘evil’ getting defeated. I want to see Kilveesh dead.” She took a bite of her sandwich and while chewing she started talking again, “You know what, when I get really bored, I pat a random guy’s back and whisper in his ear.” She came forward and whispered in my ear, “I want to tell you a secret.”

I joined her in this creepy act, “What?” I too whispered.

“The secret is…… Gangadhar hi Shaktimaan hai!” She said and then laughed like hell. I loved her laughter. It was like the sweet ringing of temple bells on an early morning, coming from a remote village. Her teeth were the whitest and the most perfect, I had ever seen. I wondered whether she was the girl that featured in toothpaste-advertisements.

She kept on talking and I kept on looking at her. I was living every moment with her to the fullest. People say that when we die, a slide show of all the happy memories flashes before our eyes. I knew that this very moment would be the first moment to appear in my ‘death ceremony slide show’.


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Oh, by the way, I completely forgot to mention Rishi. Well I had kind of started liking the boy. Yes, I realize this sounds crazy, but the boy had helped me and this meant that he was a friend and not an enemy. So what if he was a ghost? He was just a child anyway. He liked me; he understood me and helped me. That was it. Well yes, there were still many questions left to be answered by him but right now I just wanted to listen to her. I wanted to hear everything she wanted to say. She was the angel for whom I had waited for such a long time.

I had definitely seen her before, seen her in my dreams, her smile, her hair, her…… her…. name? What was her name?

“What’s your name by the way?” I asked her when she was describing to me her dog’s choice of meals.

“Sorry…… Oh! Yes, my name…. See, I think that’s why all my friends tag me as ‘the most talkative person of the group’. I have been talking to you since an hour and I haven’t told you my name.” There were two missed calls on my phone, which I had totally ignored, to hear her name. But finally I decided to take the call rather than waiting for her to come to the point.

The frequency of the calls indicated that the matter was urgent. I took my phone out from my trousers and saw the screen which was flashing, ‘Mom calling.’

I got worried when I recalled the circumstances in which I had left the house. Mom must be worried. I swiped the screen to take the call and signaled to the ‘The Talking Machine’ to stay quiet for some time.

“Actually my name is……..” I missed her name.

“Hello.” I said and heard my mother’s words, filled with utmost urgency.

“Beta, come back home quickly. He is here.” Her voice was firm and had a hidden message that quite clearly said, ‘Leave


26

whatever you are doing and come back.’ She was worried and I thought that something was wrong with her.

I instantly searched for Rishi, he was nowhere. ‘He is here.’ Was Rishi trying to hurt Mom?

I left everything and ran to fetch my car and drove back home.

I reached within 5 minutes and threw open the gates of my house. Every room was filled with smoke. Fire?

I rushed inside searching for my mother. “Mom! Mom!..... MOM!” Nothing could be seen, there was just smoke and nothing else. What had Rishi done? Where was my mother? This couldn’t be happening!

Then I saw my mother sitting on the floor with him.

Dressed in a black kurta-pajama, a black cloth holding up all his long hair and a black tika on his forehead, he was not looking any less than an Indian version of ‘Men In Black’.

“Om (I don’t know what the F**K he said in between) Namah….” He said while igniting the fire in already burnt wood.

“Mom?” I asked all my questions with just this ‘one’ word.

She came rushing towards me and showed me to the man and said, “He’s the one, baba. Please save my child from the shadows of ghosts.” Oh come on!!!

The baba instantly smiled and chanted another deadly mantra and threw something again on already burnt twigs. The whole scene was already set. The baba was ready with all his ghost taming instruments (kamandal, jhaadu, a lemon, sindoor, etc.), a set audience including the ‘aunties’ of the entire neighborhood, some elders of the society, my mom and now finally the beholder of the spirit had also arrived. Perfect setup! But something was still missing.


27

“Bring your boy here with you.” The baba said rudely. I wanted to slap him on his face and throw him out of my house but that would create a whole new scene in front of the neighbors and most importantly that would upset my mom. I quietly followed my mom and my mom followed baba’s instructions.

I sat on the floor in front of him and next to me sat my mother. Something was still missing.

“Om (...difficult to be decoded...) Namah….” And then he threw something again on the dead fire but this time he was not alone. Rishi too joined him. Yes, the ghost himself had been missing all this time!

I saw my mother; worried, ready to do anything just to save her child. Why are mothers so caring that they are even ready to behave so stupidly? She was joining her hands in front of that baba who was busy fooling us.

The only person who was enjoying the whole scenario was Rishi. He liked everything that the baba did and copied him too. There was a time when baba was searching for his lemon and Rishi helped him and found the lemon for him. The ‘Ghost Hunter’ baba was getting help by the ghost himself. I fought hard to control my laughter but somehow it erupted and I laughed.

Baba gave me a strange look and waved his jhaadu over my head and said to my mother, “Your son is in the witch’s hands. She’s leading him to hell.” Baba picked up his kamandal to pour some ‘holy’ water on me but it was empty. He looked suspiciously inside the kamandal again but found nothing in it. Then he flipped the opening downwards and saw a lollipop falling from inside the kamandal.

Baba now looked scared and without saying anything, he ran away from the house. Slowly the crowd also scattered and only three of us were left in the house; me, my mom and Rishi.


28

“Hey Bhagwan! You have already taken Puneet’s father away from us and now…..” My mother cried like a small kid and after sometime continued, “Please spare my son.”

She continued pleading before the idol for hours. There was no third person between us; my mother was the only one for me and I was the only one for her in this big world of strangers. My father, a very big politician of his time, had died in a car accident. That was the event which changed everything in our life. We fell from the heights of the sky straight to the ground and since then every time my mother stood in front of the idols of God she always put forward my father’s issue. She loved him a lot, maybe more than me. She was totally broken after Papa’s death but had to be tough and stand up again to make me feel strong. She didn’t want to place a weak example in my head.

“I can’t live without him. Please….” Now that was enough, I took her in my arms and brought her back to the living room. I made her sit on the sofa and consoled her. While doing all this, my eyes searched for Rishi. I found him standing behind the sofa. He was about to cry, he was feeling low for my mother. So cute!

“Why did this ghost have to come into our life? We were so happy; I was even talking to your bua ji about your marriage but……” She blurted out everything in her mind and then spoke with an imaginary air, “Please, leave us and spare us! We have not wronged you in any way then why are you wandering over our heads?” Rishi dropped tears from his eyes and saliva from his mouth. I felt bad for him.

I don’t know what was attracting me towards him but there was some connection between us. I started liking him…. Just like…. Just like, he was my Son.

While this affection was pouring out of my eyes towards Rishi, my mom suddenly started wailing very loudly. I got totally distracted and Rishi got terrified.


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“Mom….. Mom…. listen to me. He’s gone. The incident which took place in the morning was just the result of all my overtime work at the bank and less sleep, nothing else. So just calm down, there’s nothing here, no ghost.” I said all this to console her and pulled her again in my arms. She was such a drama queen!

I saw Rishi, he was looking like a heartbroken child after listening to my words but then I assured him by blinking my eyes trying to signal that I had said all that just to console her. He smiled slightly.

The whole episode was dramatic but finally it ended and then began the personal sessions with Rishi.

30

6What purpose do you seek in me?

I am as good as that brown, dried-up leaf still on the tree.

Do I owe you something beloved?

I am nothing more than a living dead who can just be lamented.

“Who are you?” I asked Rishi. I was sitting on the chair next to the bed in my room on which Rishi was sitting. It was difficult for me to decide whether to be strict with

him or behave friendly. I didn’t know who he was but for some reason my heart was shouting, ‘Hey, can’t you recognize your own son?’

“I am your son, dad!” he coolly said and smiled. I loved that smile. I had seen this smile. Long ago. But where?

“How can this be possible? I have no son, I am not even married. And let’s assume somehow you are my son then why can only I see you?” The biggest question of the century!

“I am your future son, dad.” He said and laughed at his own joke.

“Are you a ghost?” I asked keeping my face rock strong. No expressions at all.

“No. Just a memory of your mind. That’s why only you can see me.” He said seriously. He copied my expressionless face.

“Memories belong to the past but you said you are my future. Right?” I countered him.

“Okay….” He seemed to be thinking. “Okay, then assume I


31

am a ‘possibility’.” He had caught me with that! I had nothing to say about this topic now. So I changed the whole subject.

“Why did you come? If you are my future then you should show up when the time comes. Why now? Have I got some ability to see the future or something?” I knew that I was talking rubbish but the situation demanded that all these questions be asked.

“You wouldn’t have asked me this question if you had the ability to see the future.” He said and paused. That pause seemed more weird than awkward. Rishi definitely knew something that he was hiding from me. His eyes were screaming the secret out but the lips were shut.

The seriousness instantly vanished and again the ‘Jolly Rishi’ came back. “I came to help you. To help you find my mom!”

“WHAT?” I said. That was unexpected.

“Ya! I had to come. Because with your current speed of approaching a girl, my future mom, my birth will be delayed for more than a decade! Believe me, you are VERY BAD with such matters. So I have come to help you with finding my future mom!”

I said nothing, just smiled. Huh… this couldn’t be real. Was I that bad? I must’ve been the first father whose son had come from the future to help his father find his mother. I couldn’t believe this.

“What? You still don’t believe this. First lesson dad! Accept changes quickly. Time will flow away and you have to flow with the stream to keep up with time. Why can’t you believe that I am your son? Just look at me. My face resembles yours and my habit of sucking a lollipop; go & ask grandmother how much you liked it and you know why I am so annoying because you were also……..” He kept on talking just like an insurance agent over the phone. Annoying!


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“Okay I believe you.” I paused for a long breath. “So Master Rishi, what should our next step be?” I asked him sarcastically.

“First, we should name it.”

“Name what?”

“Our mission….. It should be known as Mission ‘Finding Mom’.” He was just like me; naming every task before starting to work on it. So organized!

“But why ‘mom’? She’s not my mom. I am not going to name it ‘Finding Mom.’” I said.

“Don’t be selfish every time and try to focus.”

“Hey Dad!” He said in a harsh voice. He raised his index finger and continued, “Meet my Mom.” I looked back and saw her. She was standing just behind me; with open hair and red eyes, she took my breath away in fear.

“I told you a lie.” Rishi continued. “I am not your future son.” Then he smiled, in a weird way. Both of them laughed, while I was left trembling in fear.

“So where do we start?” I asked Rishi who was busy playing ‘Flappy Bird’ on my phone. He was damn good at it. Usually when I tried to play this game I had to throw my mobile away in frustration after 4 or 5 chances because I couldn’t even cross the score of 5. I even uninstalled the game several times but then again gave it one ‘last chance’. That was my attitude towards everything, I tried, got frustrated, I threw it all away thinking I couldn’t do it but then again I gave it one ‘last chance’.

“Hey are you listening? Stop that fucking game.” I shouldn’t have used that word in front of a 10 year child and too my own son. Fuck!


33

“You used that word again. Remember? I can read your thoughts; loud and clear.” He gave me a strange look and again pinned his whole attention on the screen. “One last chance!”

I quietly lay on the bed next to Rishi and waited for him to talk again. I closed my eyes and slowly slipped onto her lap in my dream.

She had a spark in her eyes. Her magic wand was her hair locks. She waved her hair on my face and I got spell bound. I couldn’t blink, I couldn’t breathe; I was lifeless but still I was alive just because of her. She leaned a little lower to whisper in my ear. I could feel her warmth. That softness of her breast, rubbing over my chest was arousing every single beat of my heart.

“I love you!” She whispered to me. It was not the first time I had heard this but this was the first time it felt real.

“I love you too, Roshni.”

“I love you too Roshni.”

“Dad! Wake up. DAD!!!” Rishi was sitting on top of my chest and I was feeling choked. I was unable to breathe. I turned over as a result of which of which he toppled down from my chest. I began to pant heavily.

“Oye! Puneet! Get ready soon, we are going to the market.” Mom came rushing to my room. I tried to control my breath but she noticed my uneasiness.

“Oye, Puneet! What happened beta?”

Nothing mom, you get ready, I am coming out in half an hour.” I said and sent her out.

She left in silence; maybe thinking something. I shifted my attention to Rishi. He was quietly sitting with his eyes fixed on me.


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“Who is Roshni?” He asked me in a serious tone. “Do you know her?”

“No. Why?” I said in a casual way while taking a small yawn and stretching my body.

“Then why were you saying, ‘I love you, Roshni?’”

“Who? Me? No. Not at all.” I was lying and even I knew that I was lying.

He kept looking at me continuously and then finally I said, “Okay, I was actually dreaming about her and then I don’t know how this name ‘Roshni’ just came to my mind and I just said it.”

“Are you sure? I mean, about this girl, was she the same one?” He asked me suspiciously.

“I think so.” I paused and then continued, “Well, you should be the one to know it. Since you can read all my thoughts, you must have the ability to enter my dreams too. Right?” I said in a high tone.

“Yes, I can enter there but do you really want your child to enter your dreams?” He asked me and I felt as if I was caught by him red handed while committing a crime.

No, I would definitely not like my son to enter my dreams and know my wildest, strangest, horniest dreams. Well, that would certainly be embarrassing.

“Correct!” he said and with that I quietly entered my bathroom and Rishi started playing his ‘Flappy Bird’ game again.

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7

“Bhaiya, aaloo kaise diye?” I was in the local vegetable market and it was the one place I hated to enter. My mother inquired from yet another vendor about the potatoes.

“15 rupay kilo.” The vendor said while packing vegetables for another customer.

“Itna mehenga! Bhaiya peeche to 10 rupay kilo de raha tha.” My mother said and I was shocked to hear that. Why? Let me take you 5 minutes back in time.

Flashback.

“Bhaiya, aaloo kaise diye?” My mother asked a vendor pretty casually.

“20 rupay kilo.” He said without any eye contact. He was busy fighting with another customer over some polythene issue.

“Poore market me to 15 hai.” I was amused at how she knew that. Was there any kind of secret newspaper circulating just for ladies where things like daily gold rates, daily vegetable rates get published?

The vendor did not reply and then she moved to the next vendor.


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Coming back to the present.

Mom left that vendor too and proceeded towards the next one.

“Mom, what are you doing? He was selling at the right price, right? You yourself said its 15 rupees in the…..” I wanted to know the tactics behind her move. Was she there to buy vegetables or just to negotiate the rates with poor vendors?

“Tu chup kar! You know nothing about bargaining. It’s an art, beta ji. It can’t be learnt, it comes naturally.” She said and moved forward. I stayed there and watched my mother. There was a kind of spark in her. She loved shopping. Shopping was like medicine for her. She had been so worried about me yesterday and now she was again back to being her normal self. I was happy for her but on the other hand I wanted to run away from that market soon. It was too suffocating in there.

Vendors were continuously shouting out the prices of their commodities. Aunties were busy bargaining. Children were fighting over different issues and I was standing in between them carrying an empty jute bag.

I continued following my mother and watched her succeed in her bargaining championship. She finally got her “10 Rs. per kg” potatoes. She was more than happy. I smiled; amused about the whole event and suddenly I found a reason to widen the smile on my face a bit more.

My dream girl was in the market too. She waved, and I waved back at her. The world around me vanished and I walked towards her.

“Hi. What are you doing here?” I asked her. She had a mesmerizing effect over me. I couldn’t resist staring at her.

“Actually I was here to buy movie tickets. Someone advised me to buy tickets from here because they also provide free popcorn at the interval. Isn’t that exciting?” She said and totally confused me.


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My confusion was visible on my face. I looked at the ticket-seller. He was wearing a torn T-Shirt that read the line: ‘I hate all girls except the one reading this!’ I could have bet that the vendor had no idea about what was written over his shirt. He was looking at me with a blank expression and I was looking at him with a suspicious look on my face. How could he sell movie tickets?

Then suddenly I heard the most melodious laugh ever. She was laughing and it was like everything else had stopped and there was nothing around me except her.

“What else can I do in a vegetable market other than buying vegetables?” She continued laughing and I continued to adore her beauty.

After the peals of laughter, came an awkward silence. I wanted to talk to her but nothing was striking me. I was blank and strangely she was also quiet. I looked around to seek help. My eyes searched for Rishi but he was nowhere. Damn Rishi!

“So are you alone?” I asked her and I saw her expressions changing frequently.

“No… Actually… I … my mother is also with me.” She said. I didn’t know why but it felt like she was lying.

“Okay, I am also here with my mother.”

“Mother! And your wife?”

“Wife? No, I am single. Unmarried.” I replied as quickly as possible.

“Puneet!” Mom called out my name from somewhere.

“Alright, then see you next time.” She said and put forward her hand for a shake. I felt her hand for the first time. It felt like rose petals.

She left.


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“Puneet!” My mother again shouted and brought me back to the reality of our surroundings.

“Who was that girl?” She asked instantly, as I reached her.

“Someone special.” I said and smiled. That was enough for my mother to sense that something was happening in my life about which she knew nothing and that was unacceptable to her.

“What was her name?” She asked.

Shit Man!

I saw Rishi talking to a lady. But how could anyone talk to Rishi?

I went a little closer to take a proper look at the person he was talking to. She looked familiar but I couldn’t recognize her. Rishi looked worried which made me run fast towards him. I quickly reached there and when Rishi noticed me standing behind him he said:

“I am sorry dad!” I could see guilt in his eyes.

It was 6 pm. My mom was chopping veggies for dinner while I was lying on the sofa recalling the market incident and it was making my blood gush to my cheeks.

‘Was she there for real? Or was it Rishi’s prank? No, we had shaken hands so she must have been there. I am so stupid; I could have asked her for her contact number! No, I think it would have been too fast, hell, what was I doing in my track pants? Fuck!! I should have been wearing jeans! She could have at least mentioned that she visited the same local market as us! Besides, I could have offered to help her carry her vegetable bag. I am a perfect dumbo born on this earth! Was my hair combed? I hadn’t even combed my hair!’ Thousands of questions were whirling in my mind.


39

“I suppose I asked you her name beta”, mom questioned me arching her eyebrows into perfect curves that could belong in a Nike advertisement. Trust me, every mom is very curious to know about her son’s personal life, and more importantly every woman on this earth is blessed with a quality of being suspicious and now I was her prey, and she had attacked me by asking the girl’s name.

“She is a regular customer at my bank and that’s how we know each other.” I answered her question and rushed down to my room. I was sure a surprise package was there, waiting for me.

“Hey Dad! You’ve come so early; did your mom not give you food because of my mom?” Rishi’s tonsils could be clearly seen from between holes as at the age of 10 he had started losing his milk teeth.

“Your Mom? My Mom? What crap are you talking? Please be precise!” I had got an idea about what he was trying to say but I wanted to hear more about it directly from him.

“Dad, don’t you think you mustn’t act smart in front of me, instead you should ask me to help you with what happened today? Don’t worry, I am your future son and I will help you. So from today, I will be assigning you a few errands which will help you meet my mom. From today we are embarking upon our mission. Wait, actually your mission of meeting my mom.” Rishi’s word MISSION actually sounded like a mission planned during an India Pakistan war. I nodded my head in agreement because now even I wanted my love to be with me.

Mission-1

A girl always checks out a guy’s feet first. Your shoes and slippers are first noticed and judged. If they are proper, only then will she think of looking at you. Get a new pair of shoes tomorrow, so you will have informal wear to go for a perfect sporty look.


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A pretty good start to impress a girl! Now I would be going to shop for new shoes. Wow! I could not believe I was to be doing girly things like getting out to shop anything at any time. Then I heard my mom’s voice, as expected, calling me for dinner.

“Puneet, Puneet…. Dinner is ready, have it first, tell whoever she is, not to disturb you, as at dinner time you prefer to be with your parents only,” mom’s voice was filled with apprehension.

“Ma!” I exclaimed, while Rishi was playing hide and seek with the edge of his so called grand-mother’s saari.

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8Nothing is at rest.

And thus, there is a quest.

As I move ahead, something is left behind,

Either alive or dead.

The next day was a kind of Father’s Day Out for me and my first destination was ‘Footwear Shop’. There was nothing extraordinary about the shop, it was all normal

except the number of customers. The whole shop was occupied by women. Shop attendants were busy decoding the demands of their female customers whose attendants (husbands, fathers, boyfriends etc.) were busy digging into their wallets, praying that the deal gets finalized quickly.

As soon as I entered the shop with Rishi, a boy came from nowhere and started to remove my shoe. That was awkward! I was thinking of the last time I had changed my socks. Stinky Effect!!

“Shoes, sandals or slippers?” he asked.

To which Rishi instantly replied “Supports Shoes.” After about half a minute I realized that only I could hear Rishi so I repeated, “Supports Shoes.”

“What sir?”

“Oh sorry, I mean Sports Shoes.”

“9 number, Adidas Sports Shoes.” As the attendant was busy giving instructions to someone, I looked at Rishi to convey my angry looks to which he responded with a foolish smile.


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While I was busy wondering whether to smile back or continue putting on my angry young man look, something came flying from somewhere and passed within inches from my face. What the fuck?!

That was the box of shoes. It appeared from somewhere (after trying to keenly watch the source, I was still clueless of its origin) and landed in the attendant’s hands.

Experienced hands showed me numerous pairs of shoes and Rishi’s expressions to all of them were “No, nope, never, faaltu, ewww, poor, worst, throw that out…….”

I started to lose my temper and finally without asking Rishi, I decided on one pair. I quickly paid for it and left the shop.

“Hey dad!” Rishi called from behind and I turned, “Nice choice!” He said pointing towards the pair of shoes I had bought from the shop, which was now lying on the cash counter of the shop. That’s when I realized I had forgotten to take the shoes for which I had already paid.

Mission-2

“You are going to have a haircut, TODAY.” This is how my conversation with Rishi ended. He seemed to be in no mood to hear my arguments; the only thing I heard was the verdict.

I tried to convince Rishi to try Javed Habib but he said that this ‘mission’ was under his supervision and preparing his soldier was all his responsibility. Whatever he said, would be final.

As there was no other choice I finally reached this place called ‘Radhe-Radhe Here-cutting Saloon’ (yup, the spelling was actually ‘Here’ instead of ‘Hair’). Every typical barber’s shop has the same kind of look. Glass doors and a big red-colored ‘WELCOME’ sign painted over it. The banner of the shop’s name will be accompanied with different Bollywood stars in which Salman Khan of ‘Tere Naam’ is always the first priority.


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As I entered the shop I saw two iron chairs, somewhat resembling the hot seat of ‘Kaun Banega Crorepati’ on one side of the room and the other side comprised of benches, which formed a kind of waiting area where Rishi promptly found his place.

I took one of the iron seats and sat on it. I could see Rishi sitting behind me as he was reflected in the mirror in front of me. I wanted to take a nap but it proved to be a pretty difficult task because of the song playing on the barber’s Chinese phone. You don’t need to take a look at the phone to see whether it is a Chinese product or not, as the speakers will let you know themselves. Those irritating songs of some ‘Bewafa’ series were turning me mad now. I don’t know why the hell these sad songs are a favorite with these people. Haven’t they heard ‘Blue Eyes’ by Yo Yo Honey Singh?

At last I saw ‘Mr. Amitabh Bachchan’ approaching my ‘hot seat’ with a white cloth to cover my body beneath my neck. A series of instructions started issuing out from my mouth. The barber was quietly listening to me.

“Understood?” I asked in the end. The barber was still quiet. After a long pause he started to walk out of the shop. I was surprised and wondered what had happened. Then I saw him spitting the ‘paan’ out of his mouth. “Eww, disgusting” came out in unison from Rishi’s and my mouth.

He came back and asked, “Long or short?” That’s all. My whole list of instructions was all just crap for him. All he knew was either to leave hair long or short. Rishi told me to go with short because according to him it would take a whole month for the re-growth and hence save money. One month, one time cut. That was his calculation. I was so confused about why the hell my future son was behaving like my present mother. I felt worried for the future of my future son. How futuristic that was!


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The complementary neck massage started. I had to quietly follow the barber’s instructions of moving my head from one direction to another. In the whole process I came to realize one thing: In ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’, Shahrukh once said that, ‘Ek ladke ka sir kewal teen aurto ke saamne jhukta hai.’ (A boy bows his head only in front of three women), so it was obvious that Shahrukh always went to a male barber otherwise his dialogue would have changed.

With each falling lock of hair, the excitement on Rishi’s face was growing. He must have been the first child who had come to the barber’s shop for his father’s hair-cut. Soon the whole process became a bit repetitive which allowed me to take a power nap.

“Saheb, done.” The barber woke me up. I instantly got up from the chair, gave him the money and searched for Rishi, but he was nowhere. I came out from the shop and saw Rishi talking to a lady. But how could anyone talk to Rishi?

I went a little closer to Rishi to take a proper look at the person he was talking to. She looked familiar but I couldn’t recognize her. Rishi looked worried which made me run fast towards him. I quickly reached there and when Rishi noticed me standing behind him, he said:

“I am sorry, dad!” And within seconds everything vanished in thin air.

“Saheb, done.” The barber woke me up. I was dreaming. I looked for Rishi and found him sitting on the bench, smiling at me.

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9Every night,

You wander in my dreams.

Like a fallen angel,

Subdued & serene.

Bestowed with exotic charm,

A beauty rarely seen.

Your presence makes me fumble,

Afore you I lose my reign.

Touch me o goddess!

And take me where I’ve never been.

Lend me some purity,

Cleanse me, clean.

The next destination for our mission was a watch showroom. According to Rishi, ‘A watch not only tells the time but also tells the ‘time’ of the bearer.’ In short,

I had to get a replacement for my present wrist watch. I was in no mood to argue with my future son, so we simply decided to head straight to the showroom.

I parked my car outside the nearest Titan showroom and rushed inside with Rishi accompanying me. The moment I opened the front gate of the shop, I felt something inexplicable. It was like something appeared in front of me and then crossed over my body. The feeling was meant to be scary but it felt soothing. I remained glued for some time, trying to figure out what had just happened, when I heard Rishi.

“Come on, dad!”

I shook my head and followed the over-excited Rishi. We reached the display counter of the showroom and started admiring the shining, metallic and stylish watches. Rishi was looking at it all with his mouth open. I patted his lower jaw


46

to close his mouth but it again fell down. Maybe that was the reason why he used lollypops.

“Can I help you, sir?” A very sweet voice forced me to turn around. I turned and as I saw the lady I instantly lost all control over my legs and got totally misbalanced. I was about to fall down when she held me. It was a magical moment. She was holding me, saving me from the fall and I was admiring her beauty. She was my girl. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion and I was absorbing the beauty of that moment in my soul when Rishi took charge of the situation.

“Cadet, stand up on your feet and behave like a soldier!” Rishi was still performing the role of the General in our ‘Operation Mom’.

As I came back to my senses, I tried to gather myself and stand straight. In the meanwhile my eyes fell on her eyes; she looked worried; worried for me. How caring!

“Are you alright? Do you want something? Water or anything……?” She asked in her worried, sweet voice.

“No, I am fine.” I said and smiled. She too followed suit and smiled. After that there was a long awkward silence between us. I kept looking in her eyes and she tried to steal her glance from me and simultaneously tried to put one lock of her hair behind her ear. That sight was amazing and I knew that I would cherish it forever.

“So you are here to buy a wrist watch, I guess.” She said and tried to break down the ice of awkwardness between us.

“Yup, with the motive to impress you”, said Rishi instantly.

“Just shut up! Don’t listen to him.” My second sentence was for her.

“To whom? Are you alright?” She was totally confused about something. Then I figured out that she couldn’t hear or see


47

Rishi and from her point of view I was looking like a complete idiot.

“Yes, I am fine. Can you please help me choose a wrist watch which suits me?” I said with a big smile on my face. For hiding your stupidity, a charming smile is the best cover.

“Dad! You are going to spoil everything. Repeat what I say, girls like flirting and currently mom also lies in the same category. Flirt a bit, grab the opportunity.” I behaved as if I didn’t hear him and paid no attention but somewhere I felt he was right, most of the movies depict that flirting does help. Let’s give it a try.

She nodded to what I had said and turned around to take a few watches out of the showcase. She was looking hot in her uniform. She was wearing a white shirt and black fitted jeans. Her sleeves were little folded up which were somehow adding beauty to her overall look.

“Dad! Do I also look hot in my school uniform? See, I am wearing a half shirt so I can’t fold it up.” I felt embarrassed. I didn’t know why he behaved like that. Sometimes he spoke so sensibly and sometimes he was totally annoying.

“These are our best pieces.” She placed some of the watches in front of me. Each one was brilliant.

“I think the best piece of this showroom is standing in front of me.” Rishi said and signaled me to repeat. I felt afraid to do so but had no other choice.

“I think the best piece of this showroom is standing in front of me.” I said while stammering a lot in between.

“Excuse me?” She seemed to lose her temper.

“I…. I mean, I was talking about the wrist watch of that dummy behind you. It looks like the best piece.” I tried to do some damage control and was successful too.


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“I am….. I am so sorry, sir. I totally misunderstood you. I am so sorry.” She rushed to take that wrist watch out for me.

I took out my handkerchief to wipe the sweat on my forehead and found Rishi laughing his heart out.

At last I decided on a wrist watch and paid for it with my credit card. She took care of all the formalities. I could sense that at that moment that I was losing her. I had to do something! Rishi was constantly giving me various ideas but I rejected each of them.

“By the way, I am Puneet.” I said as she gave me the package containing my purchase.

“I know you, I met you at Maya’s cafe and then at the vegetable market.” She replied with a sweet smile. She knew me. God! If You ever wanted me to die, this would be the best moment. “I am Myra.” She said and put forward her hand for a shake.

Finally I knew her name. Now she was no longer a nameless dream. Myra.

Our hand shake continued for a bit longer than usual. Suddenly she realized something and took her hand back. I wanted to ask her out for coffee but was finding it difficult getting the right words.

“Ah…. Are you… I mean if you….” Rishi mimicked me which made me feel annoyed with him. When he felt the seriousness of the moment, he decided to help. “Ask her directly.”

“If you are free on this Sunday, can we meet up at Maya’s café? I want to make up for the last time when I had to rush away in the middle of our chat.” I said in a go. I was really afraid of what her reaction would be.

“Okay. Let’s meet up at 4 in the evening.” She said and I felt delighted. Finally!


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Where the hell was I? I was standing in the middle of an enormous crowd. Everyone was running around for their own purpose, the only one there who had no purpose was me. I tried to gather my thoughts to figure out what was happening but my mind was blank. I could hear nothing. I could see everything but no one else could see me. I should run, I thought.

I started running but the place seemed to have no end. I was sweating. I shouted but no one heard me; I cried, no one heard me. I was panting heavily.

Then slowly, the voices around me started falling on my ears, I could hear the crowd. Nothing made any sense. Then I heard a very loud honk of a train. I was on a platform. But how had I reached there? And which platform was this?

I tried to talk with some people but no one answered me, they were all in a hurry. I was about to lose my temper when suddenly in a flash, everyone around me disappeared. There was no one else on the platform except me and the train.

The train honked again, it was about to leave. I started searching every coach of the train to find anything that could help me make any sense of all this but I found nothing. I was feeling afraid and devastated. I had a feeling that if this train left, I would lose something. But what?

“Dad!” I heard him cry from somewhere. Rishi! Where was he? I got more impatient. I had to save him.

The train started to move. I continued my search. With each passing coach, the train started picking up speed. I couldn’t lose Rishi. I had to find him. My heart beat was rising and my blood was about to burst out of my veins.

I searched every coach but Rishi was nowhere to be found. The train left the platform but my eyes were still fixed on it. Then all of a sudden, I saw Rishi in one of the coaches. He waved out to me. He seemed to be crying. Some lady was also with him. When I focused on her, I came to recognize her; she was the same girl I had seen in my dream at the barber’s shop.


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“Dad!” Rishi cried again.

“RISHI!” I woke up shouting his name. Rishi was in the bathroom. His face was covered under shaving cream and he was enjoying spreading it using my brush. He got terrified when I shouted out his name.

“Okay, sorry. I’ll not use your shaving kit again.”

I had never before waited for a Sunday so badly. Time is a pretty strange concept actually. When you waited for it, it seemed to stand still and when you wanted it to stay, it flew away quickly. Since the day I asked Myra out for coffee, I started my preparations for the upcoming evening. Rishi too helped me; well I was bit confused about whether he actually helped me or was helping make my situation worse. Every idea he gave seemed to be the most idiotic thing of the era to me. But I had no other choice either.

Finally the D-day arrived. The clock was showing 10am and I started to choose what to wear. I didn’t want to rely on Rishi for this important decision, so invited my mother to help me. She continuously asked me about the specialness of the occasion but I kept it a secret, although she got a hint from my anxiety to look great that day. Whether or not you tell her, she’s your mother and she knows everything about you!

After a 2 hour discussion and trying almost every piece of clothing I had, we finalized the best one. My mom wanted to stay longer with me to dig out my secrets but somehow I managed to send her out of my room. She was really happy for me. Before going out, she said, “Khali haath na jaana, do buy some gift for her.”

When she left, I looked at Rishi in amazement. How did she know? We were silent for a while and then Rishi decided to break the silence.


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“So…… A gift.”

It was the first time ever that I had entered any gift shop. People very correctly say that love makes you do things, you’ve never done before. I was in love and I was loving it.

The shop was pretty small but had a pretty large variety of gifts in it. It seemed to be impossible to take a look at each article inside. Rishi felt amused to see toys and fell in love with a teddy bear of his own size. I decided to buy it for him. But what was I to buy for Myra? I had no idea! I took 3 rounds of the shop to choose the best gift for the occasion before my eyes fell on it. Yes, that would be perfect.

Maya was astonished to see my new avatar. She couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw me like that.

“You look so handsome today, Puneet. If you don’t mind, can I propose to you dear?” She gave a sheepish smile and patted my shoulder before going to another customer. I took my favorite seat and stared on the glass to see my reflection. I literally blushed. My concentration was disturbed when I saw my future child sitting on the next table and his smile was knocking on my sixth sense, telling me that he was reading my thoughts. Nothing could be more cruel than a child who could read your mind and that too if that child were your own son.

I gave him the fatherly angry looks for doing that and he signaled in assurance that he would not do it again. I took another glance at my watch. There were still 15 minutes to go. Maya sensed something and came to my table.

“You are on a date, right?” She asked.

“Maybe or maybe not.” I said with a tremble in my voice.


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“You ditched our singleness. How cruel are you?” I said nothing, so she continued, “What’s her name? Is she pretty?”

“Her name is Myra and you have already met her. I had met her for the first time here itself.” I was still blushing. God! I am loving this feeling.

“Okay, that bitch…. She…” I cut her short.

“MAYA…. Please…” I didn’t like her calling Myra that.

“Okay…. So you love her. I was just checking on you. Hope she deserves you.” She stood up and was about to leave but before that she said, “I am very happy for you, darling. Everyone needs a partner; this life is too long to spend alone.” Her eyes said everything her words couldn’t. She had meant what she said. Maya always smiled through her miseries. She was not the lady she tried to show herself to be.

I was totally lost in my thoughts when I felt a sudden pleasant breeze hitting me. I felt that the breeze had been blown just for me by God so as to let me know that this time was not to sit and cry over the past but to welcome the pleasant present standing at the door of the café.

That must have been the brightest evening I had seen so far. Behind her head, the sun was ready to set for the day. The surroundings seemed to be quieter than before, my heart beats seemed to be faster and louder than before. For the first time, I sensed that time had stopped. The clock was ready to grant me few more seconds to cherish the moment. It was all divine.

She took her first step towards me; I stood up from my chair in order to greet her but hit the corner of the table and hurt myself. She took her second step; I struggled with the adjacent chair. She took another step; I threw the spoon in the air with which I was previously trying to kill time. She was just a few steps away from me when I decided to say something but words escaped me. My eyes fell on Rishi and I saw him beating his hand over his forehead. I am a fucking idiot!


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“Good morning.” I said to her and instantly she smiled.

“Well in my country it’s evening right now.” She said sarcastically. Another one!

This time I had nothing to cover my flaw so automatically my eyes started searching Rishi, the savior.

“You look so charming that I got confused. You have entered as morning in my life. You are my sun and I don’t want my sun to set; so no good evening, there will be only morning from now in my life.” I repeated as Rishi said. I had no idea what I was saying; I just behaved like a puppet. I was blindly following him today because I had no other option. I was just hoping that Rishi understood the seriousness of the day’s occasion and wouldn’t let me mess up as I had before.

“Wow! You are such a flirt.” She was amused to hear my words. “Tell me one thing, does this flirting come to you naturally or have you taken some classes for it. Tell me your secret.”

“If I tell you my secret, you’ll never believe me. So for now you can assume that I am receiving tuitions for it.” I smiled. That was the only thing that came naturally to me.

Just then Maya came to take our order. She behaved very sweetly and while the taking the order she also signaled to me that she liked Myra too. I blushed.

I was wondering what to talk to her the moment Maya left our table but thankfully Myra herself initiated the topic.

“You know I have heard or maybe read somewhere that boys think that flirting with girls seems to be cool and girls like that but frankly speaking most girls don’t like this flirty nature of boys.” I instantly felt that she had stabbed me directly in my heart. “But you don’t worry because I said ‘most girls’, not ‘every girl’; I like flirting. It makes me feel special………” and then she continued with her everlasting talks over various topics which I couldn’t even imagine having with any girl in


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my life. Rishi felt relaxed and bored because he had nothing to contribute as my role was to just listen and I was loving it.

I loved her voice. I thanked my ears for making me able to hear her. I loved her sweet face. I thanked my eyes for making me able to see her. I loved her habit of touching my hand every time she had something interesting to say. I loved her perfume, I loved her dress, I loved her lips, I loved her eyes, I loved everything about her. While watching her, a sudden urge to touch her, was building up within me. I could feel the erection under my pants. This felt disgusting.

“Now would you please stop staring at me? Itni bhi sunder nahi hoon main.” She mimicked Kareena Kapoor from ‘Jab We Met’. She laughed her heart out at her own joke. Everyone in the café started to stare at her but nothing could stop her. She sensed the uneasiness within me. I was feeling a bit awkward in that situation. She stopped laughing and leaned a bit on the table to come closer to me. I too leaned forward.

“Don’t be afraid of them. They are just a part of the robotic generation. Don’t follow the crowd, follow your heart because the crowd may lead you to your destination but your heart will surely lead you to happiness.”

I could feel her breath and she could feel mine. Everything around us was now making no sense to me; there was nothing in this world except her eyes. Something was sparkling in the depths of her eyes. We were both diving deeper into each other’s eyes. I could sense her lips shivering; her pink lips were waiting to be explored by me. I tried to lean further; she too responded in the same manner and just then Maya arrived with the coffee and we were forced to return to reality.

We silently sipped our coffee. I was feeling aroused at that moment and was cursing myself and she too was somehow trying to change the topic.

“So is this for me?” She said while pointing towards the gift lying on the table.


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“Yes, this is for you. I totally forgot to give it to you.”

“Can I open it right now?”

“As you wish!” She took the gift in her hand and with a curious air, she started to unwrap it.

“You know what, I love gifts. All my friends know that I love gifts so they keep on………” She continued while tearing open the gift wrap.

“What’s this? A doll?” She said smiling.

“Actually it’s a ‘Laughing Buddha’.”

She looked at me with an expression that clearly said ‘I-Have-No-Idea-What-You-Are-Trying-To-Say’.

“You seriously don’t know anything about ‘Laughing Buddhas’?” She rounded her lips and mimed a ‘No’. “Laughing Buddha is a Feng Shui article. It’s the indicator of good luck or good charm. And there’s a saying that, if you wish for something while touching the stomach of this idol, your wish will get fulfilled soon.” I touched the idol and secretly made a wish.

“What did you wish for just now?” She instantly caught me.

“Nothing.” I lied.

“No…. no, no, no, you are lying. I saw you murmur something while touching the idol. Tell me, tell me na please.” She pleaded like a child. Even Rishi didn’t do these kinds of things.

“Okay wait. Let’s make a deal. I’ll tell you about it the day it will get fulfilled; okay, deal?”

“Deal.” She paused and continued, “By the way, thanks for this lovely gift and sorry.”

“Sorry?”


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“I forgot to bring you a gift!” She rolled her upper lip to touch the tip of her nose.

“Now, you are lying. See there’s my gift.” I pointed at the window next to us. She could see her reflection on it. She blushed.

“Good job dad!” Rishi said from behind.

“I think I should leave now.” She said while looking at her watch. I too looked at my wrist watch; it showed 6:30.

She got up and started to leave. Rishi and I followed her. We exchanged our mobile numbers and then she noticed something.

“Why aren’t you wearing your new wrist watch? This one looks old. Next time wear the new one.” And then she left.

Rishi gave her an angry look that seemed pretty serious. There was something wrong with him.

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10I feel that angelic touch often around

Like a magician leaving the milieu spell bound.

I feel her presence not too far.

Yet she is unreachable like a shimmering star.

24 hours. I had never thought that a single day consisted of 24 hours to live, to breathe and to remember. Well, of course I had read about the concept of 24 hours in

my preliminary classes but learning is one thing and believing is another. I was in love and I was purely loving this feeling of loving someone. I was now enjoying my life more. My life had meaning now and that meaning was Myra. Myra was everywhere in my life. All the hours of my days were now categorized according to her.

I woke up early in the morning looking at her sweet name on my phone. Her morning message was a delight for my eyes. Each day I first fell in love with her name, then with her habit of using an extra smiley at the start of the message and a compulsory heart at the end of it and finally with the people who were behind the invention of these beautiful things called ‘WhatsApp’, ‘Facebook’, etc. They made the world look more lovable. Well, earlier these things had made me sick, I was slow to pick up the trend of these crazy sounding things but people say that ‘Love changes everything’ and I was letting myself change for her. I accepted the change within me with open arms and frankly speaking, I loved the changes too. It was better to change than to remain stubborn and stale.


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Extensive messaging was a kind of a daily routine for us. My fingers could type words in a stimuli action. Every time my phone beeped, I felt a strange energy filling up within me. I forgot everything: my life, my bank, my carrier, my future, everything just vanished as if they had never been important to me; the only thing that happened was a quick, instant reaction of my hand to grab the phone and send a response to her message.

Everything started bringing a smile to my face. It was as if the smile had gotten attached to my face permanently. I believed that, no matter what happened to me; as long as she remained by my side, my happiness and this smile couldn’t possibly fade. She was my strength. My soul was dancing and she was my song. Myra, my lovely Myra.

As the afternoon approached, my eyes and ears got pinned to the clock in my cabin at the bank. 1:25 pm…… Tick Tock, Tick Tock…. My heart would start beating in the same rhythm. It continued for another 5 minutes and then my phone would ring. Coincidently her lunch time and my lunch time coincided. Maybe God was in our favor too. Her voice was magical.

“Hey…. How’s the day going?” I had so much to talk to her but decided to start formally.

“It’s going fabulous, you tell…..” She said and I got lost in her voice. I forgot everything. My mind stopped working and my heart stopped to relish the moment. This happened every single day. And yet I was still to get used to it.

Evenings were a bit boring and lengthy too. We mutually decided to give our evening time to our families. Actually the decision was not purely mutual, it was her idea. She loved her family and didn’t want to neglect that relationship to start a new one. She was caring and I loved her more for that. I didn’t know why but whenever I thought of her kindness and caring nature, my eyes would moisten with happiness.


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I decided to dedicate my evenings to my mom. I started loving her more. She could see the change in me and tried to dig out everything out of me but I kept it a secret from her. I told her that I would tell her everything when the time was right.

Evenings ended in nights; and at night the time was purely ours. After reaching our respective beds, we picked up our phones and talked to each other through the night. Ever since I had met Myra, my nights were no longer dark; they were filled with color, the color of love. Before falling in love I had always wondered, what were the topics that lovers could talk about for so long at all odd hours of the day but now I realized that the topics didn’t matter, what mattered was the feeling that on the other side of your phone, there lay someone who was dying to stay with you; who was missing you terribly, just to get a glimpse of you, to touch you and feel the happiness of heaven, to realize that love is truly beautiful.

Days went on like this without many happenings. Myra’s shyness was slowly fading, my eagerness to know her better and keep her happy was increasing, the urge to express my feelings to her was getting on my nerves, and everything was new around me and was pleasant except one thing. Rishi didn’t seem to be happy. He was lost somewhere since the day of our first date. There was something cooking in his mind but before sorting things out with Rishi, I had to express myself to Myra. I needed Rishi’s help but he refused. He said he had some other matters to solve first. I didn’t know what his problem was; he had started behaving in a completely different manner. I kept his thoughts aside. Myra should be the concern of the moment for me.

I noticed the smoke coming out of my mouth; it floated up to kiss the sky but disappeared in the path itself. I exhaled once again, and a similar thing happened, the smoke disappeared just like it had never existed. I did it again, the smoke started


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to rise up but this time it didn’t disappear; my pupils dilated. The smoke took the shape of the ‘same’ girl and started to stare at me. My body straightened automatically. The shape started to come down. My body froze. The ‘girl shaped smoke’ was now in front of my eyes; that ‘girl’ smiled and then vanished into thin air.

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11She wears a fragrance so unearthly.

Mesmerizing the ambience spontaneously.

I could smell her and every bit of air enslaves me.

I am following her like a pole star ahead of sea.

“I am sorry but I love you and if you feel the same then let’s get married.” I practiced saying this line the whole week. That weekend I decided to express my love to her

at any cost. I called her to the restaurant that weekend and before she could just sit and relax on her chair I blurted out my love in a single breath. She looked expressionless for a while; just stared at me for a couple of minutes. I was getting restless; I was shaking in fear and was sweating heavily.

“A proposal with an apology.” She said and this time I just couldn’t look into her eyes, my stare was fixed on the floor. “This is the worst proposal I have ever heard in my life but I think it’s the truest one so far.” She smiled but I was still shaking. She took my hand in hers and said, “I love you too, Puneet.” I started shedding tears from my eyes. I was crying like a baby, she stood up from her chair and took me in her arms. That was a lovely feeling. Finally I had my love with me.

That day was the longest and the most beautiful day of my life. I remember each detail of the day; I remember each and every word we said to each other. I remember that we mutually agreed not to fight over stupid things like other couples and within few minutes we ended up fighting with each other over the same topic. We laughed, we cried, we loved, we lived……… my life got transformed from ‘I’ to ‘we’.


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Together we explored the whole of Delhi. I never knew that Delhi was so beautiful and had so many places to visit. She seemed to know everything about the city. She was my tour guide. That day we were walking on the streets of old Delhi. Her hand was in my hand. She was telling me something about the history of the place when we saw a park.

“I am feeling tired now. Let’s sit in that park.” I said while taking a bite of the ice cream stick I had in my hand.

“Oh yes, that park, you know that park is the famous lovers’ point of Delhi.” She told me with an extreme amount of anxiety filled in her voice.

“Okay, so if you want we can sit elsewhere too, if you are not comfortable.” I said with uneasiness in my voice.

“Are you mad? I don’t want to miss this adventure.” Her eyes were twinkling. She dragged me towards the park. “You know, I used to come to this lovers’ point with Shalini when we were in college. I loved to see couples kissing and…………” We walked on and on till we reached the inside of the park.

I was looking for a corner or a blind spot but every private place was already occupied by ‘love birds’. Myra decided to sit on the bench which was in the middle of the park, from where one could look at the maximum number of couples.

I was feeling embarrassed at the amount of coziness around me while Myra was enjoying the show.

“Hey Puneet, look there.” She pointed over to the corner where a couple was busy in a lip lock. “You know what, that girl is not his girlfriend, the boy must have bought the girl from somewhere.”

“How do you know that?” I was amazed to see her knowledge on this subject too.


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“Because the boy seems to be doing all that in a hurry but the girl seems to be quite calm.” I didn’t get her logic but I decided not to argue over it, I kept looking over at the couple till the boy started to squeeze her breast. Instantly, Myra and I withdrew our eyes from their act. I could sense some disturbance under my pant and that made me feel even more embarrassed.

Myra was quiet and that was a rare event. Something happened within me when I saw her. She looked straight in my eyes and that was a kind of a magical stare, I knew what I had to do next. I came closer to her, and she responded. She closed her eyes, giving me her green signal and the next moment, I kissed her. Softness which I felt can’t be described in words. I kept on rubbing myself against her body while kissing. She was guiding my tongue for more pleasure. The environment around me was disturbing me a little, so I decided to close my eyes too.

She was there; that girl of my nightmares. A sudden flash appeared in front of my eyes. I could see that girl sitting on a bed, she was not well. She opened the drawer next to her bed and took out the injection kept in it. She whispered in my ears, “I am sorry, Puneet” and injected its contents into her body.

Then she vanished and another flash appeared. She looked upset over something. She said, “I can’t love you back Puneet, I have a responsibility to take care of.” Then again she disappeared and I saw faces of children, staring at me. That too disappeared in seconds and then I saw flashes of that girl lying naked on a bed, waiting for me and then I jumped over her like an animal. That too disappeared in a go. Then I saw Rishi, lying dead on a hospital bed.

The last flash made me open my eyes. I was still kissing Myra, she was moaning madly when I threw her back and started to pant heavily.

“Let’s go from here.” I said to Myra.

“What happened?”


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“I said, let’s go.” I shouted at her. Myra organized herself and said nothing after that. She just kept silent and left for her house.

Myra didn’t talk to me after that incident. She was waiting for me to give a concrete reason for what I had done in the park but I myself had no explanation of what had happened there. I kept myself occupied in my professional work to divert my thoughts from her but whenever my eyes went to my cell phone, I recalled her beautiful messages and her mesmerizing voice and everything made me feel low like never before. She had my heart and without my heart I was just a body with no use.

My mom knew that something was bothering me but she didn’t ask. She knew I wouldn’t reply to her questions. She understood me more than myself. She prepared all my favorite delicacies. She tried to lift my mood with her loving food and care but nothing worked. Myra was the only thing I wanted back in my life.

Rishi seemed to be quiet as usual. After my first date with Myra, something had changed in him too. I hadn’t got the time to ask him about his sudden change of mood because I was busy with my love story. But now as I was finding a way to get distracted with something else, I finally chose to talk to Rishi.

He was lying down on the sofa in front of the television set in the living room. Mom had gone out to shop for groceries, so there was no disturbance between the father and son duo. He was playing ‘Tekken 3’ on my old gaming console. The TV screen was flashing the two letters ‘K.O.’. Rishi was not restarting the game as he was lost in some other thoughts. I occupied the little space on his left and initiated our talks.

“What happened?”

“King lost to Nina.” He said.


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“You lost to a girl?” I laughed to pick up the tempo in our chat but he gave me a cold stare. I stopped laughing.

“Never underestimate the power of a girl and that too a beautiful girl.” Rishi quoted and pushed the restart button on his console. I picked up the other console and chose ‘Lee’. So now it was Lee vs. King.

‘Fight.’ Rishi started aggressively with his King and my Lee was just holding on to its position, blocking the deadly blows of the King.

“Why have you not been talking to me over the past few days?” I asked as I let Lee open up his three kick move. King fell.

“You were busy with someone else.” King grabbed Lee by his neck and threw him on the floor.

“That someone else has a name. She is your future mom.” Lee blocked a powerful punch from King.

“She is not my mother.” King picked up Lee by his neck and threw him away. That was his winning move. Lee lost.

“What do you mean?” I kept the console aside and faced Rishi but he was not looking at me, he was still busy playing the game.

“I didn’t like her.”

“And why so?” I folded one of my legs and put it under my butt and faced him directly over the sofa.

“She didn’t like the watch I gave you.” Rishi said. I remembered the scene with the watch on the day of the date; Myra had said that she didn’t like my watch as it was old, she told me to wear the new one. But that didn’t make any sense. The watch I gave you? That old watch was my friend’s gift to me. How could Rishi have gifted it to me?


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“What? How could……” Rishi cut me in between, he didn’t let me complete my sentence.

“I don’t like her attitude. The way she talks to you, how she thinks of you…… I can’t let her be my future mom.” Rishi said it all in a rage. I sensed jealousy in his words. I don’t know why but jealousy could only be the reason for it all.

“Okay, so tell me where I could find your mom?” I asked feeling relaxed.

“I can’t tell you that now.” He said and I felt that Rishi disappeared for a second and then came back. I rubbed my eyes. He saw me doing that. “What happened?” He asked in anxiety.

“Nothing. I think my eyesight is getting affected.”

“Wear glasses then, it will suit your appearance.” He said and then yelled, “NO!” He had lost again. He finally stopped playing the game.

‘But Myra says that I will look like a nerd if I wear glasses.’ I thought and Rishi picked that up.

“Oh my God! That girl’s taste is so bad. She doesn’t know today’s fashion, ‘Nerd is the new cool!’” Rishi exclaimed. “Tell your Myra that…….” Rishi again disappeared. What was going on? I rubbed my eyes again but nothing happened. He was lost. I called his name. I searched each room but Rishi was nowhere.

“I think my objective is now fulfilled. It’s time to go.” He said, standing near the main door of the house. He was leaving but why?

“What objective, why are you leaving?” I asked him urgently. I didn’t want him to go back.

“I was here to help you meet my mom and it seems that my choice doesn’t matter at all. You still love her.” He said smiling


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at me. “So that means that my objective is now fulfilled, and so I have to leave.”

“Wait Rishi, you can’t leave your job undone. I promise that I’ll find the perfect mother for you.” I said but didn’t mean it. I knew that Myra was that ‘perfect one’ I was talking about.

“You forgot that I could read your mind. No issue dad, I’ll meet you again soon.” He turned and started to walk away. I wanted to stop him but couldn’t. He turned again. “But if you still want to find my mom; just follow your dreams.” He said and disappeared.

I felt devastated for a moment but had little assurance that I would meet him again and then I’d never let him go anywhere. My sweet little Rishi!

I was smiling with tears in my eyes when my mother saw me standing at the main door.

“What happened, Puneet?” she asked.

“I just lost a loved one to meet him again, in the future.” I said and came back to my room.

I picked up my phone and messaged Myra.

‘Please come back into my life, I am feeling very lonely.’

She took some time to reply, but did reply finally.

‘How can I come back when I never went anywhere? I am still there with you.’ That brought a big smile to my face.

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12A hand whips when I am faulty,

And pats when I do charity.

I wonder if it’s the mind’s laxity

Or some messenger of divinity?

Time was the best healer. Slowly I accepted Rishi’s disappearance from my life and welcomed Myra back into my life. She was like the ray of light in my dark

life. She did ask me about the weird incident in the park once when we met but when she saw that I was unable to explain it to her, she never again approached the topic in our talks. She understood me and accepted me the way I was.

We started to meet more often than before. The intimacy between us was getting stronger day after day. I was the shy one amongst us and she was the bolder one. Yes, I know that sounds pretty odd but I liked the way she carried me. I gave her total control of myself. She did try to break the barrier between us quite a few times but that haunting experience at the park was stopping me from going with her flow. That girl of my dream was stopping me from taking my relationship with Myra to another level. But I knew that someday, these barriers had to be broken.

“Yes!........ Oh! Puneet….” She moaned louder at every next stroke. I was out of control, she was abusing me and I was punishing her for being a bad girl. I loved the way she was evoking the negative Puneet in me.

Faded and smoked away…….


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I could see 3 children playing in a field. They were happy and laughing before they saw me observing them from a distance. I smiled at them but they didn’t respond. They started running away from me. I chased them. I saw them entering the graveyard. I followed them. They disappeared like smoke in open air. That day was a bit foggy. I could see someone sitting over a grave. I could see the blurred image of someone. A girl? Who was she? And what was she doing here? And where had the children disappeared? I didn’t know why but I went closer to her. I wanted to see her. The fog started to clear and so did her image. I was standing just behind her. I leaned a bit forward to see her face. Blood drained out from my face when I found that she had no face. I screamed. I turned back and wanted to rush back to where I had come from. But before I could turn back, she grabbed my hand. I looked at her again, at her faceless face. But this time she had her face back, she was that girl, that same girl.

“Please save me, Puneet.” She pleaded and then screamed………

“Puneet wake up….” I woke up and found the girl of my nightmares again. She was trying to wake me up. I pushed her away and left the bed in an instant. I was dead scared and so was my mom. She was my mom. I was day dreaming.

“What is happening with you these days, Puneet?” She picked up the towel and wiped the sweat off my face. She was worried. “You should talk to your uncle about these nightmares. I think you need a change in medication.” I ignored her. I didn’t need anything except some rest. That’s it. I rushed to take a bath.

I took a long shower to erase every bit of the nightmare from my mind. I came out and checked my phone. There were 16 messages from her on my Whatsapp.

‘Happywala friendship day.’

‘I have a great plan to celebrate it.’

‘Let’s watch Salman’s movie ‘Kick’ first.’

‘Then we will go to a restaurant.’


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‘After that, a quiet evening at Hauz Khas Village.’

‘And then finally a surprise for you. Maybe the best one you will ever have.’

‘Now reply fast.’

‘I am waiting.’

Then there were 8 ‘question marks’. I replied quickly that I would be picking her up in 30 minutes. I was excited about the day.

I reached her residence in 20 minutes and then waited for 30 minutes to see her but the wait was totally worth it. She was looking fabulous in her low waist tight blue jeans and a white kurta. She loved fancy jewelry. She was wearing some kind of necklace with blue beads and her hands had blue bangles that were abnormally large sized. Her fragrance had an amazing mood refreshing and nostril attracting magic.

“Well, you can pay me a compliment, if you want.” She said when she caught me staring at her.

“You are looking stunning.” I said looking into her eyes.

“I know. Your eyes say it all.” She loved to play with her hair. She picked the hair from one side and put them on the other side of her head. I loved the way she carried herself.

“Now come on, I don’t want to miss Sallu’s entry in the movie. I want him to hear me whistle at him.” She said with a twinkle in her eyes. I smiled and we left for the movie.

My interest was not in the movie but in Myra. She whistled, she hooted, shouted Salman’s name, she danced, she clapped, she laughed, she cried; she enjoyed her time.

After the movie, we decided to go to the nearest dhaba instead of a restaurant. She said that it felt like home. She missed the love of a family. Her parents had got separated when she


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was only 8 years old. After the divorce, her father had taken possession of her and her mother got married to someone else. Her father took good care of her. He never abused or talked badly about her mother ever. Whenever Myra asked about her mother, he told her the truth and the truth was that her mother loved someone else. Their marriage had been a forced one. Her father always taught Myra that, ‘Life is nothing but a place to enjoy the feeling called love. When you are in love, there’s nothing right and there’s nothing wrong, there’s just one thing and that is love itself.’

Her father was diagnosed with cancer at its final stage when she was 17 years old. He had died the next year. Since then she had been living alone. For the sake of calling someone her family, she had a mausi and her daughter who also lived in Delhi.

Myra always seemed to be happy but whenever she spoke about her father, her eyes would get moist. The same thing happened in Hauj Khas Village. The silence of nature pulls out our deepest emotions and relieves our burdened soul. This time when she missed her father, I gave her tight hug. She cried. For the first time I saw her crying. She was as loud while crying as she was when laughing. I kissed her forehead to calm her down. That did help. She never disclosed anything about her family to anyone. She told me all this for the first time. I was shocked to hear about her background and that raised her respect in my eyes much higher.

She started to stare back into my eyes. I was clueless. Then she smiled and hugged me back. I decided to talk about my nightmares with her.

“Myra that day, in the park when we first kissed, I saw a girl.” I said.

“So you ran away because of embarrassment?” She felt strange to hear that.


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“No. I mean, since a few months I have been seeing a girl in my dreams and she is……..” She cut me in between.

“Oh! So it’s the case of a dream girl. You don’t want to make love to me because you want to wait for your dream girl. Is that so?” She said sounding sarcastic.

“Will you please listen to me?” I said in a firm voice. She sensed the seriousness and started paying full attention to the conversation.

“From the day we first met, almost every night, I have been seeing a girl in my dreams. It feels like as though I know her; that I have seen her before but I can’t remember. Sometimes I see flashes of her getting intimate with someone, sometimes she screams out my name, sometimes she tries to talk to me; I don’t know what is happening with me and who this girl is. But then I thought it’s just a nightmare, nothing more but then when we first kissed, the moment I closed my eyes, I saw her again. She frightens me. I don’t know why but it seems like she wants us to stay away from each other.” I tried to explain my feelings in the best way possible.

“So the myths are correct.” She said.

“What? What myths?”

“I read somewhere that men are the weakest living creatures when it comes to taking responsibilities.” That’s the only thing I hated about her and that was that she read too much. All the creepy things ever written have been read at least once by Myra.

I didn’t interrupt and let her carry on.

“You know when we feel afraid of something that is not physical like for instance love, care, taking responsibility in our case; we give these fears a physical face, like the one you have given to the girl of your nightmares. You feel yourself incapable of taking the responsibility of a relationship and that


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took shape of a frightening girl of your dreams. You must have seen children too in your dreams. Am I right?” She said philosophically.

“Yes. There were 3 children too.” I was amazed. It really did make sense. When I was a child, the day before my exams I always had a nightmare that my question paper took the shape of a monster and tried to bite my mother but the actual depiction of my dream was that if I failed my exam, my mother would be punished by my father for not having taught me properly.

“See, I told you. You feel yourself incapable to raise children of your own. It’s natural, it happens to everyone. Don’t worry; it’s just your mind which is trying to play with you. Nothing else.” She concluded with that and slept in my lap.

The sun was about to bid adieu when I asked her about the surprise.

“So where’s my surprise?”

“What surprise?”

“You said that there was a surprise for me?”

“When did I say that?”

I showed her the message, she ignored it and said she had forgotten about that. We then decided to head towards our homes. We reached her PG where she lived with 2 other girls. When I was about to leave, she revealed the surprise.

“Today I am all alone in the house and guests are invited in if they want.” She said with sexiness in her voice.

“But Myra….” She kept her finger on my lips.

“Be a man, Puneet.” That was enough to evoke the animal within me.


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Her walk had never been as interesting to watch as it was at that time. A strange addictiveness was there, a strange magnetization was there, a strange pull was there; it was unbearable to resist and control the sensation which was flowing within me at that moment. I quietly started to follow her. She looked back for the last time before we reached her room; her smile was a little different from the usual one. I felt goose bumps all over my body. I felt cold.

Her room was specially decorated for the night. It was a dimly lit room with a strange aura encompassing it. She put on some soft music in the background. Everywhere I looked, I could see mostly red. Red is a very strange color, it gets noticed by men only after they fall in love. The highlight of the room was the heart shaped printed bed sheet on the only bed in there. It was looking childish as well as romantic. A strange dilemma was running across my mind. Just a few minutes back, I was wondering so many things and now the only thing I could see was the craziness of my girl, Myra. She had to be a magician; she couldn’t just be a simple girl.

As I was busy taking in the beauty of the room, Myra took her position on the bed and said it all with her eyes. Her deep necked kurta was now showcasing her valuable assets the most. Each and every curve of her body was perfectly carved and was driving me crazy. I had never felt so hard before. But I didn’t know why, I was still resisting myself. I started to steal my gaze away from her. Maybe there were still some doubt in my head or maybe I was still not ready to take up responsibilities, as Myra had said.

Myra instantly sensed the battle between my heart and mind. It was like she had read my thoughts. She got up from the bed and held my hand. That touch was enough to make me believe that this moment was the most sacred of my life. I would never again have to travel through the ups and downs of my life alone, she would be with me. She would be mine forever, till


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the end of this life and after that too. I had never felt so pure before. It took seconds for my thoughts to drift away from the dilemmas of my life to enjoying this moment. Her mere touch answered all my questions. I smiled at her.

She went back to her position and let me sit beside her. She started unbuttoning my shirt. With each button, I felt my heart rate increasing. After taking off my shirt, for some seconds, she admired my well-built physique and then lost control and started to kiss me all over my chest. I raised my head, looking at heaven as if thanking God for this blissful moment. She then moved to my ears and bit my ear lobe. I felt the pain but that too gave me pleasure. I didn’t know when my hands started to explore her body. From her waist to her breast, each body part was getting rubbed by my hand. Suddenly I pulled her closer, pulling her waist which was a bit of a surprise for Myra. She felt good to see that the heat was on in both of us. She smiled again and then giving her yet another surprise, my lips met hers. I stopped myself abruptly but then all of a sudden, Myra grabbed me by my neck and started to kiss me much more passionately. We continued sucking each other’s tongue for quite a long time before we had to stop to take some air in.

She stood up and removed her kurta. Her black bra was finding it pretty difficult to hold back her beauty. She freed her breasts too and threw her bra on my face. I lost all control once again and left the bed to grab them in my hands. Like a wild animal, I pushed her till we reached the corner of the room. I continued to squeeze and occasionally lick the best organ of her body. She moaned louder than I expected. Her one hand was busy running over my head and pressing it more over her body and the other was trying to scratch my back using her nails. While making love, pain is the measure of passion. I again kissed and played with her tongue; this time much longer than before. Both of us were now out of breath. I was living my fantasy.

She again held both my hands and let me sit on the corner of the bed. She sat next to the bed on the floor and started to remove my pants. Oh my God! That was the exact replica


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of what I had fantasized in my bathroom numerous times. A feeling of déjà vu flashed across my mind for a moment. I thought that it was to be the start of oral sex but I was not that lucky. She kicked me on my chest to make me fall on the bed and enjoy the start of the last phase. She knew exactly how to provoke a man and when to do so. She then removed her jeans and at the same moment I felt something fly in front of my eyes, as if a slide which quickly rolled over. I totally ignored it. Myra then removed her black panty, revealing the slightly hairy organ between her legs. I again felt the same weird sensation. A sudden fear grabbed my senses.

She lay next to me and helped me adjust my cock to go inside her. I pushed myself inside her, she cried like hell.

“We shouldn’t have done this.” She said.

“Don’t worry, everything will be fine. Trust me.” I said.

Both our bodies were moving in sync. She moved like a fish over me and continued to moan, curse and cry out my name.

Another flash of the girl took over my thoughts. She was crying for me but I was getting dragged away from her.

I was about to come inside her. I wanted to pull away before the ejaculation but Myra had completely lost her mind, and she didn’t let me quit. She continued to move over me with much more strength than before.

She was standing alone in the mist. I went closer to her. There were 3 children with her. I couldn’t see anyone’s face but I still felt like I knew them all. I cried out their names, although I remembered nothing. They didn’t reply and disappeared. I turned and saw a child in the mist. Before my vision could get clearer, I heard, ‘Hey Dad!’ Rishi!!!!

I withdraw myself instantly. I was totally fear struck. I didn’t know the reason but the only thing I knew was that something was wrong and that it was terribly horrifying.


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Myra understood that I had seen ‘the girl’ again. She quickly grabbed me in her arms and tried to nullify my fear with her care. I took time to recover but it helped. We both grabbed our clothes and quietly tried to sleep. But I knew that if I slept, I would see her again. I didn’t sleep.

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13

Cold water was trying to pierce my body to remove all the worries and fill up my soul with fresh energy as I was standing under the shower in my bathroom. I had plenty of time to spend in the

shower and this led to thoughts of Myra and the night out with her. I felt a strange sensation down below, in my groin area. I closed my eyes and my hand automatically travelled the distance. Myra’s beauty was irresistible for me. I started to shake, to relax and enjoy.

I sensed someone else too. I opened my eyes, covered my private area and looked around; no one was there. I was terrified. I surely felt the pair of eyes watching me from somewhere. I decided to come out of the shower. I looked for my towel; there was none. My eyes fell on the mirror. I couldn’t see my reflection. But I could see that girl, holding my towel. She handed me the towel and apparently came out of the mirror. She was just a few inches away from me. She smiled.

I woke up panting heavily. My eyes fell on the watch close by. Just 15 minutes of sleep. In totality, for the last 5 days, I had just slept for around 2 hours. That ‘dream girl’ of mine was giving me a real hard time. ‘Who was she?’ ‘What did she want from me?’ ‘If dreams have meaning than what did she symbolize?’ Oh! I think I need my medicine.

I took the medicine and then saw my reflection in the mirror. My reflection was showing a guy who was almost 5 years older to me. Dark circles below my eyes were getting darker with


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the passage of more and more sleepless nights. I was suffering from insomnia. I was afraid to sleep, I was afraid to see that horrible girl again in my dreams.

In the meanwhile my relationship with Myra was getting tested harder. She had to bear my mood swings every second but she didn’t lose hope, she was the only strength I had in my hard times. My mom was continuously suggesting that I consult Dr. Uncle for these problems and get the medicine I had been taking all this time changed.

Actually, these nightmares were not new to me. A few years back, I had met with a fatal accident. That day, God had showered His pity on me; otherwise there were no chances for my survival. That accident affected my mind much more than it affected my body. The scars on my body slowly faded with time but the scars on my mind remained. I started to have nightmares. I started to relive the accident every night. Those were so real and so horrible that I had to consult my uncle for medical help. My uncle, Mr. Sharad Taneja, was a psychiatrist. He studied my problem and using some hypnotic sessions, he tried to fix me up. He tried to erase that accident night from my mind. He gave me some medicines too for future use.

Although this psychiatric help had worked for me in the past, it ended up leaving a feeling of guilt within me. I felt inferior because I hadn’t been able to fight my inner troubles by myself. My mind had played some tricks on me and I was totally shattered. So shattered that I had to rush to take psychiatric help! I felt like a loser.

That feeling of guilt was still within me. I wanted to fight it out alone this time. I didn’t want to rush to anyone for help. I was not a loser any more. I had Myra with me and that was enough for me.

‘Let’s meet up for coffee.’


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‘Sure. Where?’

‘That’s a silly one. At Maya’s, do we ever meet anywhere else for coffee?’

‘LOL.’

After a sleepless night on Saturday, this cheerful prospect on my mobile screen could be the only reason for an instant smile on my face. Myra’s message took away the laziness of the Sunday morning and filled the day with joy for me.

Before taking a shower, I searched my private drawer for taking out my secret mate of the past few days. I pulled out a cigarette from an entire Wills packet, lit it and puffed the smoke. All those sleepless nights had given birth to a smoker within me.

I took a short shower, got ready within minutes, took the car keys and rushed to pick up Myra from her PG accommodation. As always she took almost an hour to show up, so to kill time I decided to smoke a few more cigarettes.

My thoughts were occupied with the two girls of my life. One was Myra and the other was that ‘dream girl’. I noticed the smoke coming out of my mouth; it floated up to kiss the sky but disappeared in the path itself. I exhaled once again, and a similar thing happened, the smoke disappeared just like it had never existed. I did it again, the smoke started to rise up but this time it didn’t disappear; my pupils dilated. The smoke took the shape of the ‘same’ girl and started to stare at me. My body straightened automatically. The shape started to come down. My body froze. The ‘girl shaped smoke’ was now in front of my eyes; that ‘girl’ smiled and then vanished into thin air. Behind it, Myra was standing.

“You smoke?” Myra asked.

“Occasionally.” I tried to behave normally. I wanted to fight this situation. I was not a loser.


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“For a smoker and a drinker, there are only two occasions when they smoke or drink; one, when it rains and the other when it doesn’t.” She said while sitting in the car next to me. “Leave it now.”

At Maya’s café, I felt at home. Ever since the day Maya had told me about her darker side, I felt much more attached to her. I felt like I knew her more than anyone else and at that moment, the way she was looking at Myra and me, I could say that she was very happy to see us together. My life comprised of very few people and I was very fortunate that each one of them was genuine and very close to my heart.

Before ordering anything, Maya came with our favorite coffee and sandwiches. Myra knew that Maya was a kind of a void filler in my life. She had started to admire her too.

We talked endlessly about different things. I wanted to get more involved physically as well but my nightmares were distracting me a lot. Myra knew that I was not feeling good; she wanted me to think about the happiness in my life rather than thinking about the problems. She wanted me to enjoy but I wasn’t able to.

While sipping my coffee, I looked outside the window pane next to me. The road in front of the café was empty. Just a beggar was sitting on the opposite street. That was a bit strange because I had never seen him before.

“Hello, are you like, ignoring me or something?” Myra brought my attention back to her. I said nothing.

“You are still thinking about the nightmares, right?” She said. “I think you should talk to your uncle about this. How long do you want to go on struggling like this? I am scared, Puneet.” She showed her concern. I had told her about my past and my medical background. I didn’t want to keep secrets from her.


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Secrets are like rust on a relationship. They only make it lose its strength.

I said nothing; I had nothing to say at all. I just pretended to listen to Myra’s endless talks. I poured the extra cream over the coffee and continued to stir it. I had nothing else to do.

I picked up the coffee mug and brought it close to my lips when my eyes fell on it. She was there. The cream over the coffee had taken the shape of my nightmare. I threw the cup in fear and left my chair. Myra and Maya both looked terrified. I was panting as if I had run several miles. Then I sensed something looking at me through the window panel next to me. Slowly I turned my gaze. It showed the empty street outside; nothing else could be seen. Suddenly out of nowhere, that beggar came into the picture. He was leaning on the window panel. I could see his expressionless face, his head full of white hair. His eyes expressed a lot; I could see my fear in his eyes.

I wanted to run from there. Without explaining anything to anyone, I rushed out of the café. Myra followed me. We both sat in the car and were about to rush away when that old beggar came and started stroking the car with his bare hand.

“He has returned. Your past has returned. Follow your dreams.” I felt numb, terrified, shocked. I rushed my car away.

Nothing came to my mind. Myra said nothing. I wished that this could all be a dream and I would wake up any moment. But I knew that this was not a dream; this was reality.

I stopped my car in the middle of nowhere and started to cry. I cried like a baby who had lost his favorite toy. Myra tried to console me but I was out of my senses now. My nightmare girl had turned my life into hell and there was no escape from this nightmare now. I felt devastated.

Myra drove me back home. I talked to nobody and went directly to my room. That was the first time that Myra met my mother. They talked for a few minutes and then Myra took


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leave. Maybe she told my mom about my nightmares because after Myra left, mom came directly to my room and sat next to me. I was lying on the bed; awake. She took my head and put it on her lap. I felt relieved. I slept like a child. My mother’s warmth was all I needed at that time. I forgot everything for a while and slept peacefully.

The next day my mother forced me to go to my uncle’s clinic. I agreed. I picked up my car keys and left. But mid-way I changed my mind. I decided to rethink things. I went to a park and sat there for some time. I couldn’t stop thinking about the beggar. He had said “He has returned. Your past has returned. Follow your dreams.”

Who was he referring to, who had returned? Was he talking about Rishi? ‘Your past has returned?’ Yes, Rishi could be referred to as past. ‘Follow your dreams!’ Yes, that was the same thing Rishi had told me before leaving. What lay in my dreams? There was no particular dream of mine. I had very common dreams; just like every other person. Money, family and happiness; nothing else. Or did he mean something else? Was he referring to my nightmares? That girl who haunted me? But how could I follow her? Ahh! This was confusing. How badly I needed Rishi at that time! With these thoughts, I didn’t know when, my eyes closed, I dozed off and began to dream.

The whole surrounding was strangely calm and empty. No sound, no feeling, no smell; nothing was there. The only thing which could be seen was the color white. In normal conditions I would have been stricken with fear, but not today because I knew that I was dreaming.

I started to move forward. One part of me wanted to wake up and other wanted to know what was there in this Pandora’s Box. The white color was bright and seemed to be never ending; it wasn’t hurting, rather soothing my eyes. I kept on moving towards nowhere.

I felt someone holding my hand now. He was dragging me somewhere. I tried to look at him but my eyes got no visual. I still felt nothing. I just


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followed in peace. Slowly the whiteness faded and real world colors took its place. I again tried to peek from the corner of my eyes to see who was holding my hand and guiding me. It was Rishi! A strange happiness took over my heart. I smiled but with the fading whiteness, Rishi too faded.

I looked everywhere but there was nothing. I was in some college campus, I suppose. Students were wandering around me; no one seemed to be familiar. But then someone crossed me and it felt like I knew that person. That scent smelled familiar. I followed. It was a girl. I called out her name. She turned and then faded in thin air as if she never existed. The campus too faded.

Now I was in a forest; running to save my life from someone. I felt as if I was going to die. Then again it faded. I shouted out Rishi’s name. I didn’t know why, but I called out to him. From nowhere Rishi came in front of me. He looked very serious. He was showing nothing on his face. His looks scared me. I thought it was some kind of a prank on his part but no, it was not.

“Hey Dad!” He said in a harsh voice. He raised his index finger to me and continued, “Meet my Mom.” I looked back and saw her. She was standing just behind me; with open hair and red eyes, she took my breath away in fear.

“I told you a lie.” Rishi continued. “I am not your future son; I am the one from your past.” Then he smiled, in a weird way. Both of them laughed, I was trembling in fear.

I woke up. I was sweating. I was panting. I was shaking in fear. I was sitting on a bench in a park. I took out my handkerchief from the back pocket of my trouser. I put that on my face to wipe the sweat away. When I removed it, I saw Rishi standing in front of me. That scared the hell out of me.

“Hey Dad!” He said and smiled. “Would you like to meet my mom now?”

I ran. I ran for my life. I picked my car and went to my uncle’s clinic. Rishi followed me sitting next to me in the car. He had a blank face; it was the scariest moment of my life.


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There are some places in this world about which people say that before dying you should visit them at least once. Similarly, there are some places you would never like to visit and I was about to enter one of them; the clinic of a psychiatrist. It took loads of courage to even stare at the clinic’s board. It read ‘Dr. Sharad Ahuja’. I stood there, outside the clinic and was waiting for someone to push me inside. My heart beat was getting lowered and I was perspiring heavily.

A sudden urge of running far away from the place got ignited within me and at that particular moment I saw him, again, and that was enough for me to drop the idea and run inside the clinic.

“Hello Puneet!” Uncle was trying to make me feel comfortable, part of his job, but my comfort had been brutally killed by someone, sometime back.

“Hi…” I said without making any eye contact with the doctor. How could I make eye contact with a doctor when my eyes were busy looking for someone else?

“So Puneet, tell me, how can I help you?” Dr. asked and for the first time I looked at him. He was a man with a long white beard, maybe in his late forties, a little fat and constantly smiling. A trained clinical smile.

“I can see my son.” I said and instantly his smile vanished.

“So…. What’s the problem in that?” he looked more attentive now.

“I can see my son, 10 years old, a perfect carbon copy of my face cut. He talks to me, he roams with me everywhere I go and he never leaves me alone.” I was about to burst into tears. I choked.


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“It’s all normal, Puneet, at 10 years of age some children behave a bit odd, there’s nothing to worry about….” He was getting everything wrong; I had to cut him in between to make my point clear. How could he consider my case as ‘normal’?

“I can see my son.” I shouted. “My son, who hasn’t yet taken birth; my son whom only I can see. I am not even married doctor and still……. I can see my son.”

Then I told him all about my nightmares and everything that was scaring me. He quietly listened to every idiotic thing I said, very calmly. I cried, I shouted, I consoled myself, I poured my heart out. I felt relieved.

After that I started to spend three days every week over there. He did some psychiatric sessions on me; hypnosis and other treatments. He put me under medication. Myra too started to go along with me each time. She gave me the strength I needed to face this failure. My mother looked worried. She started to spend more time with God; praying for me endlessly. Myra started to take immense care of me. Maya too visited a couple of times.

Everyone showed their concern, but concern was not enough to fight the situation. Nothing helped. Neither Rishi nor ‘that girl’ left my life. I tried to talk a few times with Rishi but he said nothing. He was not ready to leave me in peace. That blank face was way too scary. I missed my sweet, little Rishi now. This was not my Rishi, he was someone else.

My health was deteriorating. The insomnia was making me feel mad. I wanted to die, but my love for Myra was not letting me slip into the hands of death. Every night, I cried; every night I shouted. The nights were long and painful. I felt alone and there was no worse pain than this feeling of loneliness.

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14Day is the witness of sunrise,

Night sustains till the moonlight dies.

Everything abides by routine.

Then what does this chaos in my life mean?

She was sobbing but I had no other choice, I had to ask her.

“What is it about me that you are hiding from me?” I asked her. “Tell me mom, I want to know about my past. What had happened that you are hiding from me?”

I was having a painful day at the bank. I just couldn’t concentrate on anything. Rishi was there and he was smiling. His smile was not the usual one. It was not like the one that induced the same effect over you, but the one which induced fear within your soul instead. I decided to go back home. I took a few days off from my work.

No one expected me to reach home so early. I thought that mom would have gone out grocery shopping but luckily I had a duplicate key, so there was no problem. Then a second thought struck me. I thought I should call Myra and take her for a movie or something. She was stressed out as well because of me. I had to show my love to her, I had to show my feelings for her.

I picked up my phone but then Rishi stopped me. He held my hand and with his expressionless, pale face, he said, “Go home.” Then he faded.


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I felt scared for mom. Instantly I grabbed the steering wheel of my car, ignited the engine, gave it full throttle and headed towards home. Adrenaline was flowing within in full force. What were they up to now? Were they going to hurt my mother? No! I would not let this happen.

I parked my car in a rush and ran towards the door. I could hear my mother talking to someone. I tried to peek through the window. There was someone, but who? I tried another window for a clearer view. It was my uncle; the psychiatrist; Sharad uncle. What were they talking about and why had Rishi sent me here? There should be something important.

“The previous sessions seemed to have a hole because his memories of the past are leaking into his present and that’s what he sees in his dream. If I continue tampering with his memories further, there could be some permanent damages too.” Uncle said.

“But there should be some solution, right?” My mom seemed very worried.

“To get him out of the present situation, I think it would be better to just tell him the truth. About his past, the one which we have erased from his memory.”

“No! We can’t do that, Sharad. You know that we have come far away from that situation. He can’t be exposed to that shit feeling again. There has to be some other way. I can’t tell him about his past. He has his own version of the past. And that’s enough for him. I am his mother; I don’t want to throw my son back into the past from where it took us months to drag him back out, back to life.” Mom started to cry.

“Please don’t cry now. I’ll try my best to fight the situation again.” Sharad uncle left after that. I had no idea what were they talking about; the only thing I knew was that I had to dig into my past to know the answers. I wanted to know about the girl I was seeing in my dreams. I wanted to know the truth about Rishi. I wanted to know what my mother was hiding.


89

She was sobbing but I had no other choice, I had to ask her.

“What is it about me that you are hiding from me?” I asked her. “Tell me mom, I want to know about my past. What had happened that you are hiding from me?”

90

15

10 years back…

St. Xavier’s College, one of the most prestigious colleges in Ahmedabad, and my dream college too. I was going to be travelling there all the way from Delhi for my further studies. There was a lot of hustle bustle on the platform but I still managed to enter one of the reserved compartments of the train. Dreams wrapped in my eye lashes kept me awake the entire journey. It was sometime in mid-June, when dark clouds were kissing the sun asking him to disappear into the blanket of precipitation. I looked out of the window trying to stare at the passing shrubbery and realized we were all a part of the race of life, where everyone needed to run and if you stopped, someone else would step on you and win the race. I was, in my own way, trying to figure out how I would spend my Bachelor’s at Xavier’s. The whole journey turned out to be a journey of planning things, and then finally after 8 hours a big yellow signpost came to my sight, that read: ‘Kalupur Station’. One of the biggest railway stations of Gujarat. I stepped down onto the station and water splashed on my feet. People were shielding themselves by huddling under roofs and sheds. I was also dragged away with the mass. I could not waste time waiting for the rain to stop; so I hired a personal taxi from the taxi stand and started towards my destination.

“Are you new to the city?” The driver inquired.


91

“No, I am a resident of Ahmedabad.” I lied because I had heard that Gujarati’s purely believed in business and they also cheated the newbies and I didn’t want to be their prey.

“Okay.” He simply ended the conversation.

Well, I was anyway not too interested to have any conversation with him. All I knew was that from the next day onwards I would be getting into the race of life, the race of engineering. I didn’t want to be a FARZI ENGINEER and that was all that flashed in my mind.

“Bhai uthar vanu kasth karjo” (Brother please take the pain of getting down), the driver said in a slightly insistent manner.

“How much?” I asked taking off the luggage from the trunk.

“450 for the ride and 50 for the luggage.”

“What? 450!! I haven’t hired a chartered plane, and how can you charge me for the luggage too?” I was almost shocked to hear the fare.

“You have to pay the fare, in fact you should thank God that you got my taxi in this wild rain, else you would have to spend your whole night at the station itself.” The driver was making me feel vulnerable.

“Look, it’s your business and you were doing your job, you can’t cheat your passengers.” I uttered in a cursory tone.

The cacophony of me, the driver and the wild rains gathered people around but they remained aloof from us, witnessing the scene as if some crime was going on. I didn’t want my ambience to lose its charm, so I just paid the fare.

I proceeded towards my rented apartment, which I was to be sharing with three guys who were my seniors at St. Xavier’s college and I guessed that would somehow be expedient.


92

Getting comfortable with them would not be a big issue for me like with girls but still somewhere within me lay an introvert.

Before entering my apartment I scanned the surroundings, an isolated lawn turned to a stream, the roof of the other building swayed on the other side and only one prayer came to my mind.

‘God, I hope the roof on my room does not leak like in some 1920’s movie. I know You are good and always want to see me happy. Aren’t You?’

I peeked around to look for a door bell.

Damn! It wasn’t there. It created an antipathy in me. I took a deep breath and knocked the wooden door hard with my hand.

As soon as the door opened, a guy in shorts, almost 6.5’ feet tall and an analogy of a ‘Raymond Man’, looked at me curiously.

“Yes?” he said or rather questioned in a fraternal voice.

“Hi, I am Puneet, Puneet Shrivastava”, putting forward my hand for a shake.

“Hello, what do you want sir?” His voice was intractable.

“Actually, I am new to this city, and your landlady Mrs. Martha has allotted me a room here. She told me that I would have to share it with three other guys”. I explained after a short pause.

“Oh, okay.”

The guy welcomed me inside. The room looked like a fish market, a pile of clothes was tossed like garbage into the dustbin, and the walls were literally advertising rather promoting beautiful Bollywood heroines, bed sheets were flung far away from the beds, pillows had no covers, coke cans were lying around in the corners and food packet wrappers under the beds. My very first reaction after seeing all this was, “Ewww!!”


93

I didn’t know from where to begin so I started with the basics of all conversations which was ‘what is your name?’

“My name is Ashish; third year Bachelor’s, let me introduce you to the other two guys, my brodas.”

Ashish whistled and called them out of the room. Both came, casting me strange looks. He then introduced everyone, starting with me.

“Guys, I’d told you to pay up our rent, Mrs. Martha is such a greedy lady, she just needs money, now we must stop ordering pizza and save up our cash to pay the rent on time otherwise today we have Puneet and tomorrow some Navneet will come”, said Ashish, making the atmosphere quite embarrassing for me.

“Excuse me, if you have any problem with me, please do let me know, I can arrange for different accommodation.” I said getting nerved with Ashish.

“No, that’s fine. I was just joking. Anyway, this is Yash Agrawal, the regular canteen visitor; he too is your senior.” Ashish spat as Yash got up and threw me a friendly hug.

“Hey, nice to see you bro, which department, you too computer science?”

“Yeah.”

“For any canteen queries you can contact me from breakfast to dinner. I can make food available at a discounted price.” Yash said with a wink and a smirk.

“This is Umesh, the complete girls’ database.” Ashish introduced Umesh, a guy with a funny habit of keeping track of all the girls right from where they lived, what they did, what they liked, who they dated, etc. etc., and whatever else one could imagine.


94

“Oh please Ashish! You know that’s my one great talent that none of you idiots have, so remember to talk to me with respect especially now because you need a girl for the upcoming fresher’s party.” He playfully threatened everyone around.

“So Puneet, Yash can help you with canteen matters and I will help you with the girls. Well, do you have any one already? Or still a barren land?” Umesh countered both Ashish and me in a mortifying manner.

“No, I don’t have any girlfriend; I am just a 12th pass out.” I said with little hesitation.

Hearing that, all of them laughed out loudly.

“God! Puneet let me introduce you to the guy who almost finished dating four girls by the time he was in Std. 12th”, Ashish laughed and pointed towards a guy who had just entered the room.

“Enough you guys, don’t you all know what it feels like when you date a girl? And for your information, girls are crazy for my six pack abs, so it’s not my mistake, it’s my physique that attracts them, I don’t go around inviting them. You have all seen what happened with Sheela and Leela, both of who proposed to me in public, raping my reputation but who cares, girls come and go in my life. But I am still waiting for a perfect girl who drives me crazy for her.” John justified himself to this stranger ‘Puneet’. He lived in a nearby PG accommodation but spent most of his time here.

“John, are you really looking for a girl? Bravo! Though bro, before finding that perfect girl, make sure you get your AIDS-test done.” Ashish and Yash laughed out even more loudly this time.

“Hmm, you fools, I know you are jealous because no girl falls into your traps.”


95

“Oh please John, we are not like you, just playing around with girls, and by the way what’s your current bank balance? Nowadays we have seen you buying roses and gifts regularly, your other three bros are also alive man, think of them too sometimes, we poor people don’t have any money to buy our personal stuff.” Yash and Umesh were swiping their mobile screens while Ashish was observing each and every activity closely.

Looking at Ashish I got to know that he was a great observer and quite a good guy unlike the ‘database’ stories I had been fed.

“So, dude what are you up to?” Yash asked me in a comradely way when he saw that I was finding it difficult to express or adapt to the environment.

“Nothing, actually I am feeling hungry, sorry to say, but I’ve been in the train the whole day and these rains have also made me tired, so can you please let me know where I could order food from or where the nearest restaurant is?” I was dying of hunger while these guys seemed to have wound up with dinner already.

“Wait bro, today I’ll arrange dinner for you, but from tomorrow you have to help yourself.” Ashish sweetly got up from the couch and rushed towards the kitchen, while the other three were busy with Umesh’s phone. God only knew what was so interesting that was going on in his cell phone that none of them even turned their eye balls a bit.

“Frozen idli and dal, this is all that we have, if you want hot dal, you can ask Mrs. Martha to allow you to use her microwave.” Ashish came out of the kitchen, holding the dish like a waiter, lifted close to his shoulder allowing a little gap.

“Microwave, and Mrs. Martha……”, once again all of them laughed.


96

God only knew what was so funny with this lady. She had been so calm and good to me, I didn’t understand why they reacted like this when they heard her name. I felt a strong urge to find out the funny secret which the four of them shared. But that was not so important as of now because what mattered to me the most at that moment, was the idli.

After finishing my dinner and talks, we all headed to bed. My mind was heavy with all the eventful happenings of the day.

I got up with a sweet rhythm penetrating deep into my ears waking me out of my slumber. Yes, it was the first day and I wanted this day to be etched into my memory. I quickly scanned the room and the other three guys were still amorous with their bed. I took out my best pair of casuals, gave my hair a cool spiked look and sprayed AXE deo over myself that left me with a lingering fragrance. I was ready on time, as Ashish got up rubbing his almond shaped eyes, giving me a strange look.

“Hi, good morning, its 9:30, and our college will start by 10, if I am not wrong.” I said while folding my sleeves.

“Dude, are you mad, are you going to get married today?”

Ashish’s question made me rethink my attire. I checked myself like a girl as if there was something odd about my looks. I thought it was perfect, nothing more nothing less.

“I didn’t get you, Ashish.”

“You are naïve, leave it. Please wake up Yash and Umesh while I freshen up, and open the door, Chottu might come with the tea, tell him to bring one more cup for you.”

“Okay bro, but where is John?”

“He goes to the gym in the morning; he will come directly to college.”


97

“Cool.”

All four of us then left for college, it was an uphill road and my heart was wondering what was to come that day and most importantly who would be my partner for the fresher’s party as my roommates had informed me that a fresher’s party was approaching soon.

Finally we reached college and a group of guys and girls headed to our classroom, instructing every newbie to reach ‘Siddharth’ hall in the next five minutes.

“Excuse me, can you please direct me to the hall?” I asked one of the seniors.

“Go left, then straight, then right, then there is a staircase leading to the first floor, then from there go right, then again straight, then again a staircase leading to the second floor...”

“Yeah, then again right and then left and then straight. I got you, thank you.” I cut in the words of senior.

“Dude, where are you from? And how dare you cut me in between?” The senior lifted his hand and put it on my shoulder, while his friends surrounded me making a ring as if it was some boxing championship and soon we were about to start fighting, only boxing gloves were missing in that scene.

“I am sorry, Mr..”

“Sir, call me sir, for you guys sir is enough as you are not yet fit to call me by name.”

“Okay, no problem. I am sorry sir for asking you the way to Siddharth hall, I will find it on my own.”

“Oh, but why should you find it on your own, aren’t your seniors alive to guide you?”

“Sorry, that’s not the case.”


98

“Friends, don’t you think this guy has got a long tongue? What is your name?”

“Puneet Shrivastava.”

“A man with hot blood, nice to see a man in this campus.”

“Open your eyes; you’ll see lots of them around.”

“Shut up you idiot! You talk too much, and since the past fifteen minutes have been getting on my nerves. Leave now before I make you pay for wasting my time.”

“Well, I just asked you for directions, it’s you who started the crap, had you just directed me correctly, I would have not got on to your nerves.”

“Whoa! Meet me later. I’ll teach you how to behave.”

“Why should I meet you? If you want to meet me, you can come to me.”

The scene had become one of animosity. The senior guy swayed his hand behind, ready to throw a punch at me, and just like in Bollywood movies, someone came as a savior and stopped the punch from coming towards my face. He was my savior, Ashish.

“Rahul, what’s your problem?” Ashish asked with equanimity.

“You stay away from us.”

“Yeah, even I am not interested but I can’t see anyone causing harm or maligning our juniors.”

“Oh yeah, look friends, Lord Krishna has come to save his Parth.” Rahul pejoratively spoke to his friends.

“Look, Puneet is new to this milieu”, said Ashish, in a serious tone.


99

“Cool, as if we were born and bought up in this milieu”, said Rahul with a sardonic air.

“Puneet, what’s the matter?” Ashish inquired.

“Nothing, a group of seniors came up and instructed all the fresher’s to accumulate at Siddharth assembly hall and being a newbie I didn’t know which way to go, so I just asked him.”

“Guys, look at this Puneet Shrivastava, speaking out his heart like a new bride in front of her mom.” Rahul poked again.

“That’s enough Rahul; come Puneet, I’ll take you there, and others you too can follow us.” Ashish pacified all the juniors around and everyone followed him.

During this entire time, there was an innocent pair of eyes witnessing us, her thick black hair spread around her shoulders, a perfect pair of heels matching her punjabi suit, a sling with a pink Barbie pinned to it.

I wish I could have had Umesh, the database, with me at that time, so I could have found out all about her. Yeah, it was either a crush or love or a similar stupid feeling that was arousing in me for the very first time since the 9th standard.

Yeah, I had had a crush when I was in the 9th; I had lied to my roommates the previous night.

The principal and directors of the college presented their speech about the campus and student behavior and responsibility towards the academic years. The grandiose words made me feel elated for being a part of such a reputed college.

As soon as the orientation program was over, Rahul’s gang started following me. I was caught up in the conflict of whether to listen to my institution and face them or follow the golden rule of ‘ignorance is bliss’. I chose the second option. They kept following me and I kept on walking as if they were Toms


100

and I was Jerry, when suddenly I found myself in an isolated corner, and the group of boys surrounded me. I wish I could have the super powers of Singham or Krrish so that I could have flown off, away from the circle but sadly I had none.

“So, Mr. Puneet, in the morning we didn’t have a clear conversation so let’s do it now.” Rahul smirked.

“I guess I was quite clear in the morning.”

“Guys, you all know the trend we have for welcoming our juniors?”

Damn! I was so sure that they had been gearing up for ragging, now whom would I call out to as a savior, nothing came to my mind except a flickering thought of Ashish.

“Polo T-shirt and Peter England jeans? Do you think it really suits this guy?” Rahul said while showing it to the others.

“Na…. it’s actually not defining his status.” Another guy from the group replied.

“Come on dude; show us your six packs.”

My heart beat was now sunk like a boat deep in the ocean.

“Look, if you are trying to rag me then listen everyone, it’s an offence and if any faculty sees you, you’ll have to undergo serious punishment, and if I report your act to the police, you can’t even imagine what will happen to you, your entire career will be spoiled.” I tried to threaten them but nothing helped.

“And who’s gonna do that, guys have you seen anything?”

“Who, we? No we were in our hostel after college.” The group was supporting Rahul.

All of a sudden, something hit me on my back. Its impact was so powerful that I fell on my knees.


101

Finally I was tortured so much that I had almost reached a state of unconsciousness, forcefully fighting with my self-respect like a chick within the egg trying to get out of the shell, drained in nihilism.

“Wait, leave him! I have informed the police and the directors, they are coming soon”, someone shouted.

Hearing those words, Rahul and his group ran away as I lifted my eyes to see the twig that had saved me from drowning deep into the river. It was a girl, which made it equally difficult for me to stand, apart from the fact that I had been hit with an iron rod on my back. Yes, that thing had been an iron rod.

“Get up, don’t worry, come I’ll take you to your place.” The girl came like dawn tearing the clouds of dusk making its way, helping by lending her hand to lift me up from the graveyard to a soft bed.

“What is your name?” I asked in pain.

“Roshni, Roshni Bhatt, first year computer student, what about you?”

“Puneet, first year computers.”

“So we are class mates, right?”

“Maybe.”

“Which way should I take you?”

“It’s okay ma’am, thank you for saving me.”

“What ‘ma’am’? I mean, are you serious, calling me ma’am and all? Chill yaar, we are classmates, call me Roshni, or Rosh. My friends call me Rosh.” She was like a joy ride; full of life.

“So within a day you have already made friends here?”


102

“Nahi re, not in this college, I meant my school friends, I really didn’t want to get out of school. What yaar, I grew up so early, now all responsibilities will be coming up”, she said gloomily. Her mood swings were really quick. One moment, she was all smiles and in the next, she was thinking of something completely contrary.

“You stay here, in Ahmedabad?” I asked her.

“What do you mean by Ahmedabad, obviously I am a pure Ahmedavadi chokri, why, don’t you stay here? Where are you from?”

“I am from Delhi.”

“Oh my God, what a fool you are! People from Ahmedabad go to Delhi to study, and you are coming all the way from Delhi to Ahmedabad, really you should get an award.”

“I wanted to be in one of the world’s top colleges, and Xavier’s is among one of the top colleges.”

“If your aim was just to get into one of the top colleges then I guess you are in the wrong college, you should have joined IIM.”

She was now irritating me. What the hell! Was this girl stupid or what? For the past 15 minutes she was just going on talking and I was putting up with her talks and the excruciating back pain. God, is this how you wanted to make me pay for my dreams?

“IIM’s are for those who have good CAT scores which I guess I don’t have as I am only a 12th passed student, and coming to the point of IIM, I’ll soon be joining CAT classes, because IIM is synonymous with my dream.”

“That’s great, crack your CAT exam with good scores and start the MNC in which I can work.”

“Excuse me?”


103

“No, sorry, I can’t excuse you, because today I helped you, so for this you need to thank me in the form of offering me a job in your company.”

“I am still studying. I am not going to become the owner of Microsoft that I can get you a job.”

“Fine, ehsaan faramosh.”

“Hmm, thank you for dropping me home, you can go back now or shall I do the formality of inviting you to my home for coffee and all?”

“No, you don’t need to do that Mr. Attitude, my servants are far better than you, at least they are humble, and they behave well.”

“What do I have to do with your servants, Ms. Attitude? What are you giving me a lecture about being humble for?”

“Shut up you moron, I won’t help you ever again.”

“Fine, sorry! Now please can you go from here?”

“What the hell?! I was standing here just to make sure you reach your door safely.”

“I will go, I am not a kid. Ma’am, please go now.”

“Okay, see you...”

“What? You really wish to see this moron again?”

“Do you think you are Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp that I will crave to see you?”

“Fine, so leave now.”

“I wish I could have punched you right now”, she said angrily. Her face was so red as if somebody had dipped it into tomato sauce. I know my behavior towards her had been hostile, but


104

that was just because I didn’t want any of my roommates to see me with her. I started going towards my room, when I caught sight of Mrs. Martha. ‘Hell! This was the only thing left!’

“Oh, Jesus! What happened to you, my boy?”

I didn’t know why these Christian ladies always started any conversation in such a weird tone.

“Nothing aunty, just met with an accident.”

“Don’t lie; tell me who that girl was to whom you just proposed?”

“What? No aunty, I didn’t propose to anyone.”

“See, if you want to live in my house, you have to tell the truth. I saw what happened right now with my two natural eyes and two artificial eyes.”

“Artificial eyes, what’s that now?”

“My spectacles are my artificial eyes and they are not less than any binoculars. Tell me the truth, who was that girl? Do your parents know about her, do you love her, is she your girlfriend, any plans to date her?”

“Uh, please aunty, she is just a stranger, okay she is more than a stranger, she is my so called classmate.”

“Aha! Classmate?”

“Yeah! My classmate.”

With all these counter strike questions I was sure that aunty had tagged me and Roshni under the boyfriend and girlfriend category. Who cares what she thought though, what was more important for me at that moment was some ointment for my aching back.


105

I lifted my broken body, placed it on the 6 by 4 feet cot and felt slightly better lying down but missed my mom a lot. Thank God that Umesh came up early and treated me with the care I needed.

Soon all my room buddies arrived and Ashish was filled with anger. He didn’t even have his dinner. He reluctantly got up from the dining table and moved outside to the lawn. We were all gazing at each other but Yash signaled me with his eyes to sit quiet.

“No one dares to talk to Ashish when he is in no mood so you also better stay away from him.” Yash ended while getting up from the dining table.

This behavior was very strange to me, if I were in their place I would never leave my friend alone when they were in a bad mood. I still remember the day when my best friend Aditya was crushed by his crush and we made fun of him but still we stuck by him just to make him smile.

Anyway I too was exhausted, but still for the sake of humanity I visited Ashish outside in the lawn asking him whether he was okay.

“Hey, thanks Ashish for being a Krishna to me.” I tried to crack a joke.

“Hmm!” he replied.

“So how was your day?”

“I think your day was more awesome than anyone else’s.”

“Yeah, first day of college, I will always remember.”

“What was so special that you will remember your first day at college, the fight?”

“Hahaha.”


106

“I am sorry, I didn’t know that after the orientation Rahul will come to you and will try to rag you, I warned him not to do that, but he still did that.”

“It’s fine dude, they followed the custom.”

“So you think what they did was right?”

“No, I didn’t mean that, I was just the prey of this custom today, if not me then someone else would have been.”

“So you don’t have any problem with what happened today, do you know the lines in the Mahabharata? It says, ‘Jurm karne se bada paap jurm sehna hota hai’.”

“I know, leave it yaar, let’s get back to sleep, tomorrow’s the second day of college.” With this I started walking towards my room.

“Hey wait, Puneet.”

“Yes.”

“Who was that girl?”

Gosh! Even he had noticed Roshni. Every entity of the earth was noticing me and her. My goodness, can’t a girl come to drop off a boy?

“She is my classmate and she came to drop me because I was unable to stand after being hammered by Rahul.”

“Hmm, tomorrow we have to go a little early to college so get ready early in morning.”

“Why, are we going somewhere?”

“Yeah.”

“Where?”


107

“None of your business, you just get ready before 8:30 am”

“Okay, anything else?”

“No.”

He gave me a hi-five and I went to bed, but I was damn sure Ashish was worried about me.

108

16

My eyes refused to open and my body resisted any movement, yet I had to be up. Ashish’s instructions last night for getting ready early made me leave the

bed irrespective of any hindrance and to fight the pain I had to apply a sticky balm like the ones that don’t smell as great as AXE deos, but at least gave some relief from the pain.

I so knew it, he wanted me to lodge an FIR against the ragging and the fight.

“Dude, I am not doing this, I can’t spoil someone’s career.”

“Puneet, don’t be mad, his career is not as important as your self-respect.”

“Hey guys, what’s up?” A female voice came from somewhere.

“Roshni?”

My God, what the hell was she doing here? I was almost shocked to see her. I got cautious about what Ashish would think. I didn’t know at what time God had penned down the episode of my life inking Roshni as my classmate. She was just my classmate and not my girlfriend. Martha aunty and now almost everyone would think we were a couple. Where would I go and hide myself ?


109

“Relax, Puneet! Why are you fuming so much? Roshni is the witness.” Ashish said.

Oh, so it was Ashish who had called her up here. Anyway I didn’t lodge any complaint saying that I could handle such guys. Ashish was reluctant at first but finally, he dropped the thought and rushed to his classes.

Now I, unlike the animal from yesterday, put forth my hand towards Roshni and thanked her.

“So what are we up for?” Roshni felt as if I have given her a green signal to be friends with me.

“But obvious, we are both up for the class.” I knew what was she asking, but wanted to hear it from her mouth.

“How dumb are you?”

“Thanks for the compliment.”

“Ah Puneet, you are such an ass.”

“I am, do you have any doubt?”

“Shut up; now tell me, will you be my partner for the fresher’s party?”

“Ha! You are asking me as if you are going to marry me.”

“Puneet, stop this crap, just say yes or no.”

“What if I say no?”

“It will be your loss.”

“And Ms. Roshni, can you please explain to me what I will lose if I don’t become your partner for the fresher’s party?”

“You won’t get such a beautiful girl, coming forward and asking you to be her Mr. Fresher.”


110

“Oh hello, from which angle do you think you are beautiful? Have you ever seen the mirror?”

“Enough Puneet, you are insulting me now, just because I don’t say anything, doesn’t mean that I can’t.”

“Oh God, for the past 15 minutes your chatter box has been on, and you are telling me you don’t say anything.” I said.

“Okay Mr. Puneet, you want to fight, c’mon start, I am a black belt champion in this area.”

“I am sorry Roshni, I only wear brown leather belts, because you know how brown goes with almost every attire. Just like you girls always opt for a black pair of sandals that go with almost everything, with your pink, purple, white, suits.” After that we both smiled.

Finally we put an end to our brawl and gave a start to a brand new friendship in the brand new city. Guess what? Roshni was destined for me.

Days and years passed, and finally our friendship took a U- turn. They say that friendship is the road map to love. I had madly and deeply fallen in love with her, and moving back was unimaginable. I confessed this to her, but she always evaded the topic whenever I told her about my feelings. There was something about her that was still waiting to be revealed to me.

‘Database’ had wanted to inform me about something but maybe Ashish was stopping him. ‘Database’ was taking a lot of interest in our life. I never bothered to pay attention to it but I did have a doubt in my mind too. Her random disappearances from college, her attitude towards random people, towards studies, her mood swings, all this had given me reasons to doubt her.

“Do you know what the best thing about you is?” Roshni was keenly listening to me and had a continuous sweet smile on her lips. We were sitting in the cafeteria and were lost in each other’s eyes.


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“The best thing about you is everything.” The moment I said that, she slapped me playfully.

“Oh, come on Puneet; you are such a flirt!” We both giggled and then her phone rang. She saw the name on it and got a bit tense. She left the table and went to attend the call. I was at first reluctant to hear the ongoing conversation but then couldn’t control myself. I went closer to hear her.

“Okay baby, I am coming in an hour. Don’t worry……. Okay, I’ll bring……. Sure…… I love you too….. Muuuuaaahhhh….”

Her conversation left me with so many questions but I didn’t let anything out. My mind was shouting out all the words which seemed so obvious but my heart still had some hopes.

I knew that she also loved me, but either her ego was much bigger than her feelings or there was something else. I tried all possible ways to get her love but couldn’t fathom the reasoning behind her “No” for me. Anyway whenever love decided to happen, fate was always there to play its game, and in our case it was Ms. Roshni’s diary, which somehow reached me.

On the last day of college, Roshni fought with me over a very silly matter. I knew that it was all fake. I was trying to push her hard into revealing all her secrets but the conversation ended with her statement that she hated me and never wanted to see my face again. I knew the fight was just to heal her own wounded soul. I could see her moist eyes.

But that fight was not totally regretful because it did give me a precious thing that belonged to her. I somehow found her diary titled ‘My Life’. I knew it was unethical to read someone else’s diary but sometimes you have to forget ethics and perform for your love. I wanted to know her secrets. I knew there were many waiting to be revealed.

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17

Roshni’s Diary-1

The “World of Glamour” is not defined by walking in high heels; it is defined by walking with high dreams in front of thousands of people.

Roshni’s World through Her Eyes….

I had a dream; a dream to be on the ramp and show the world my attitude. I had a wish to be on the top and show the world, how to walk with dreams keeping them in one’s heart and showcasing them on the tip of one’s heels. I never shared my dream with anyone, as I even felt afraid to share it with myself. The only one who knew about it was ‘My Diary.’

For my parents, it was never a concern to know my dream. They had their own dreams for me. They wanted me to excel in the field of engineering. They never asked me anything; they laid a path for me and wanted me to tread it.

Both of them had left me with my grandmother when I was around 8 years old. They lived in Mumbai to earn their bread and give me a royal life. I didn’t know what was so ‘royal’ about my life though. But they said so, and I accepted it. Earning money was pretty difficult and that was the first lesson I learned from my parents.


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So following the path of engineering, I took admission at St. Xavier’s. I just wanted to finish my course with flying colors and get a job as soon as possible. After all that, if possible, I would think about my dream. I had no other plan from my college days but one person changed everything.

Puneet. Why did he come into my life? Why did he have to make things so complicated? I didn’t want to fall for anybody but he forced me to do so. Yes, I loved him. I never expressed my love to him; but I did all this for him only. I knew that, I couldn’t force him to live my secret. Yes, I had a secret.

“Mom! Why are you crying?” A sweet fragile bud, about five years of age, saw me crying and tenderly rubbed her hand, wiping off my tears.

“I am not crying, my baby”, I lied because she was not the person who I wanted should lend me an ear.

“Mumma, then why is water coming out of your eyes?” Her innocent question made me smile and I grasped her in my arms controlling myself from bursting out with emotions.

“Baby this is not water, these are called tears, and you know they are very precious. God didn’t give this to everyone, but He said that He would give a prize to those people who will not waste it. Promise me that you won’t let this precious thing come out from your eyes ever.”

“Mumma, have Adi bhaiya and Riya di also got this precious gift with them?”

“Yes, all are gifted with this precious gift, but God always sees who is the best at keeping it safe in the locker of their eyes.” I concluded kissing her on her cheeks.

Suddenly I heard a quarreling noise coming from the next door. Kiara and I rushed from the balcony to the room, and


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there they were, my two other kids, Adi and Riya, creating a ruckus.

Adi and Riya, my elder children, were twins and Kiara was my younger daughter.

“Stop it both of you, you have again started fighting?”

“No mom, please you stay away from us.” said Riya.

“Riya, stop it, please. Adi, I’ll slap you, you are fighting with your sister. She is a girl, and what have I told you about girls? You must always respect them.”

“Mom, Riya is a girl but that doesn’t mean that she’ll always show me her stubbornness! Tell her to give me my gift”. Adi put forward his point.

“Gift? Which gift? And who gave you the gift?”

“No mom, it’s my gift, tell Adi to give it to me.”

“First of all, both of you shut up, and answer my question! From where did this gift come? Who gave it to you?”

“Mom, you can’t be so silly, have you forgotten? Tomorrow is my birthday”, said Riya with a fading tone.

“Bhoot, it’s not only your birthday, it’s my birthday too.” Adi’s voice filled with an excitement.

“Mumma, tomorrow is also my birthday.” Kiara said with a gleam in her eyes.

“Chhutki, you stay away from all this, it’s only our birthday.” Adi said harshly to Kiara.

Dear Diary, you saw how much my kids fight with each other, but it’s always fun to watch them. I too become a kid with them.


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“Enough, all three of you! First of all, Adi and Riya clean the whole room and come to my study room after that. Kiara, baby you come with me, let them clean up the mess.”

I was so happy, tomorrow, Adi and Riya will be turning ten. Every year I get much more excited than my children, for their birthdays.

“Mom, Adi has not swept the floor, tell him to… ” said Riya making herself comfortable on the couch.

Dear Diary, I am sorry for not letting you know about this secret of mine. Yes, you heard it correct. “MOM”.

Just a few years back, today on the same day I found an angel wrapped up in black cloth,

Sleeping peacefully in nature’s lap under that old banyan tree,

I looked around for your guardians, but I never knew that you were kept as a gift for me from Almighty.

I thought not to take you in my arms, but that smile on your face was all I could see,

A letter from your womb mother gave me pain, the pain of inhumanity

Maybe I can’t replace her, but for me you are more than my daughter without whom I can’t even inhale a single breath.

I strive for every moment just to give you all the happiness, working day and night ignoring some weird and lustful

sights placed on this clayed human.

Today it’s been 9years 8 months and 15 days that you’ve been with me like a soul to my body,


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You are turning ten but all these years of togetherness have taught me the lessons of life, to which grownups fail to pay

heed.

The purity of love or the innocence of feelings is what kept me intact and today the thought of being apart from you

scares me so.

And this was the reason for my hesitation to accept Puneet’s proposal. I was the mother of three kids, and that was the sole reason I was living and working for. Except my grandmother, no-one else even knew about them. They were the reason why I entered the world of modeling. I started to get a few opportunities but hadn’t yet bagged a real big chance so far. Even I was not ready for all the fame. I had to make few decisions before that and one of them was Puneet.

Dear diary, today I am feeling very low after letting Puneet go from my life. I know he won’t ever come to me; he won’t ever look at me the same way again. I love him, I need him, I’m depressed but I know tomorrow I’ll be fine. Time will heal both our souls.

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18

Roshni’s Diary-2

Those chilly winds caressed the strands of emotions which were flickering in her thoughts. She turned pale when she had to part ways. She was quivering to pour down with ink but then finally she engraved, “Her

Story”….

I never knew that the world of glamour was a kind of trap. I entered it on my own will but there was no escape from it. It was a one way entrance with no exit route. I kept falling deeper into the pit. I never got the time to think of anyone; my graduation, my kids, my family’s dream, my grandmother or you, Puneet.

I had no one around me to hold me; I had no one around to shake me and tell me what was wrong and what was right; I had no one to slap me hard; I had no one to offer me a hand and pull me out.

Those parties, the cocaine, drugs and alcohol didn’t allow me to think of him. In this busy life, my love for Puneet started fading, and this was exactly what I had wanted.

I wanted to be a successful woman when it came to engineering and wanted to be the same when it came to modeling. I knew that Puneet would accept my dreams as his own dreams, but I wanted him to move on. I never told him about anything.


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One day, finally he saw me injecting cocaine deep into my nerves and he stood dumbstruck seeing the whole act. His watery eyes refused to see the truth, he held me like a dad carrying his child. After five minutes I got back into my senses. I looked into Puneet’s eyes. It had many questions but the only thing I could see was the question, ‘WHY?’

I wanted to tell him everything, my feelings for him but I could not. I wanted him to know how much I loved him, and how I was living every moment after that day refusing to take his love. I had a reason dear, not because of academics or parents or fame or glamour, I just had one reason, and my soul was alive for that and that only.

“Roshni, without wasting a moment, will you tell me what the hell is all this?” He said with a sense of authority over me and that made me furious with him. Drugs do give you lots of side effects and one of them was rudeness.

“It’s none of your business, Puneet.”

“Hell it is, either you are telling me or I am calling the police.”

“Yeah, you are free to call anyone, I don’t care.” I was already high.

“Roshni, I agree you don’t love me, but I won’t allow you to play with your life. Why you are into all this? You were such a simple girl, tell me what happened, I will help you. Please trust me dear, I will make everything fine.”

“Thanks for your concern, I am getting late, I think I should leave now.” I said that but didn’t leave. I had a fear within me. I didn’t know what, but there was something that was bothering me inside.

“Don’t worry Roshni, I’ll not tell all this to anyone but being a friend I would like to advise you to come out of all this soon. I’ll be waiting for you.” There was a truth in his eyes. He was


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totally shattered. Everyone asked him the reason but as he promised, he never told this to anyone not even to himself.

As I flicked the last page of Roshni’s diary, I was left with so many questions unanswered but the most important outcome was that she did love me. A sudden force of thoughts captured my mind.

‘What is the matter all about, how can she become a mom? I mean it’s impossible! At least you can see and make out if a girl is pregnant or not, but with Roshni, when could it have happened? I need to talk to her, no matter how much she might show that she hates me, she will have to answer me. Wait, in case she had a child marriage then kids are possible but her kids are much older for that too, then…..?’ My mind was preoccupied with so many theories and yet I got no answer.

In the meanwhile, Roshni started to gain a little momentum in her field of modeling but there was still something missing and that was the gap where I had to enter her heart and show her that I was ready to accept her anyhow.

I used the power of my father’s political field and tried to turn some stones from the path of Roshni’s success and did the most unexpected thing for her.

From Roshni’s eyes….

“BIBA Fashion Week”. Every model dreamed to be a part of this show, but for me this was not just a dream, it was more than my life. Every minute, every second I had worked to be at the crest and finally now I had been selected as the showstopper for this show. Thousands of eyes would be fixed on me, some filled with lust and some with glitz. But to ignore everything and walk on the ramp was truly a proud moment to be felt inside. I was getting lost in the journey of dreams when a phone call dragged me out.


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“Ms. Roshni Bhatt?” The voice was firm but had courtesy.

“Yes, who’s this?” Same was the essence of my voice.

“Hello Madam, I am in-charge of the fashion week and this is a reminder call letting you know about your rehearsal-timings starting from tomorrow; which would be 9:00 am and the venue is ‘BIBA house’, Ahmedabad.”

The guy on the other side cut me short by providing me with all the details. That night turned out to be one of the longest nights for me; I was eagerly waiting for 9 am when I would be starting with my rehearsals. But something was bothering me, and that was whether I at all deserved to be a showstopper. I mean, why would BIBA give a chance to an average model to be its showstopper? Anyway I covered my doubts with a blanket of the attitude which I had developed within me over all the years of struggling and waited for a new dawn.

Next morning, I drenched myself in a synthetic shower which would freshen me up to enter the new day. I got the best pair of heels which matched my bright pink dress, while my eyebrows depicted the perfect Nike shape; I applied kohl to my eyes that were as black as coal and a pink lipstick replaced my red lips while my flicks were dancing with the wind.

I reached the venue 10 minutes early because being late was inexcusable. I walked towards the office, inquired about the rehearsals at the reception and I was made to sit on a couch in the other room where rehearsals were about to begin. Every second the place was getting filled up with new faces. Soon the choreographer of the fashion show came and gave instructions for each and every little thing about the ramp. He introduced all the models but my introduction was a little special from everyone else, after all, I was the blooming bud of the show.

Days were getting tiring but dreams were getting stronger. But still something was worrying me and that was, ‘who was the sponsor of this show?’ As to walk with them was something to be considered as a moment of pride. This information was


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kept as a secret from all of us, but not paying further heed to this, I tried out my outfit.

It was a show for bridal seasons, so our outfits were designed with heavy gold and silver work. My dress weighed approximately 18 kg while the ornaments were 5 kg, which would increase my total weight to 68 kg. On top of it all, I had to wear 7 inch heels; it was the world of fashion after all.

“Damn”! This weight matter is something I have always been concerned about.

As soon as I entered the green room I felt something weird about that room and I checked if someone was present there. I didn’t find anyone, but as soon as I started taking off my attire I could hear a streak screeching sound. I quickly rushed out of the room and called my co models, but they all ignored it saying it was merely some illusion or perception of mine. I could not gather my guts to go to that room again, and I didn’t try out the dress there.

That beep sound had been so fierce that it was deeply penetrated in my ears and I felt a strong urge to find out what it was all about. Whenever I went to that room, I felt something strange but no other girl ever noticed that. I didn’t know whom to complain to but I couldn’t sit quiet either.

I was deeply lost in this matter when a guy came up to me and asked me to go for a photo-shoot.

“Photo-shoot?” It had never been mentioned that a girl will have photo shoots, I argued.

“I don’t know madam, please go and talk with the photographer.” The guy ended and went off.

The room was decorated with lights and camera rolls all over. The wall was decorated with posters of showstoppers, where


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one more would be added after the current fashion week. It was a great feeling.

The photographer was busy with the posing stuff while I was busy seeing myself walking on the ramp after just a few hours.

“Ms. Roshni? Ms. Roshni.” The photographer’s voice snapped me out of my day dream and I stood still. Something struck me when I heard that familiar voice.

“Puneet!!!”

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19

Puneet was never a photographer but he took it up just because he couldn’t see any other guy taking snaps of my poses. He had never told me anything about all this

but somehow these things get to your ears anyway.

After the fashion show was over, the moment of pride arrived when I was to walk with the sponsors. I was still not aware with whom I would be walking in front of hundreds of people who were there waiting for the ‘new’ showstopper. I was standing, still waiting for the sponsors to come on the ramp. My heart beat was getting high with each passing second.

“And now, the most important moment has arrived, as we wish to thank our sponsors who organized this fashion week. Ladies and gentleman, please put your hands together for a big round of applause, and join us in welcoming Mr. Puneet Shrivastava, the fresh face in the world of glamour.” The host of the fashion show announced while on the other end, the earth under my feet started slipping away.

He came and put his hands around my waist and kissed me on my cheeks and I was shocked at what was happening, and yet that was not the moment for getting shocked because what mattered was the money that I would be getting from this show, also this would open the doors for me to many other upcoming shows under this fashion house.


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“What the hell, how dare you kiss me in front of all those people?” I was filled with anger.

“Oh, you wanted me to kiss you in private?” Puneet said with a mischievous smile.

“Shut up, you idiot! You very well know how much I hate you, I can’t bear to even look at you, I ignored that you did my photo-shoot without my permission when I was in the green-room but what you did on the ramp, I seriously can’t take this shit!” I was fuming and suffocating with every passing second.

“Relax, love.” Puneet tried to grab me again but I resisted.

“Don’t you dare me call that.” I was serious this time.

“Fine, whatever happened I can’t undo, just forget it, it was just a requirement of the show.”

“Are you serious? “It was the requirement of the show”? Fine, tomorrow some other sponsor will come and say that he has to rape me because it’s the need of the show, would it mean that it is fine?”

“Roshni, you are just taking this in the wrong direction, kissing you doesn’t mean I raped you.”

“What is wrong with you Puneet, you always think you are right and I am wrong! I am fed up with you.”

“I love you, Roshni.”

“Oh, please! Don’t start all this again; by now you must have come to know the fact that I now don’t love anything or anyone except money. I just love money.”

“Roshni, don’t be silly, okay, how much money do you need? I will give it to you.”


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“Wow! So Mr. Puneet Shrivastava wants to buy love, I think I should open a shop and sell my love and you very well know what this business is called. Tell me, how much are you ready to pay to buy my love.”

“My whole life, every breath, every heart beat.”

“Please keep this philosophy with you; I will listen to it some other day. I will specially arrange a schedule for your philosophical talks, right now I have to rush I have other shows pending, and I hope you are not among the sponsors again.”

“Gosh! Please stop acting! I know you are very uncomfortable with me but please let me know the reason, I swear I will clear out all your doubts, I will make you comfortable, you can’t run away like this yaar.”

“Puneet, please let me go, or I will have to call the security.”

“Call whom so ever you want to call, because today I am not leaving you until you answer my questions.”

“Are you crazy? Do you think ‘The Super Model Roshni Bhatt’ will answer your questions? Who do you think you are? My fan, friend, relative, etc. etc.? Get a valid relation with me first and only then will I be answerable to you.”

I knew I was being very cruel to him but I had no other option either. I wanted him to leave the idea of loving me. I wanted to give rise to ‘hate’ for me in his heart. He was a very nice guy but my kids were more important to me than him.

I didn’t know why but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about him. I was missing that idiot like crazy. Today my day was normal, but every passing moment I fantasized about him being with me. His kiss was all where I was lost. Maybe everything happened for a reason, but I wanted him to be the


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reason of my life, the reason for my dreams, the reason for my being alive.

Back in Puneet’s life…

It was one of those normal days; Roshni was locked up in the green room, as usual wearing heavy make up for her fashion show.

I knew the venue of Roshni’s next show, as her best friends were now my friends too. I walked towards the green room and without knocking or anything, I entered the room.

“What the hell; didn’t your parents teach you that you should always knock before entering someone’s room?”

“And who is that someone? May I know that, Ms. Roshni Bhatt, the so-called Showstopper?” I said those words with a bit of sarcasm.

“What do you mean by ‘so-called’, man you don’t know how people die for me; they want me to be their model for fashion shows.”

“Die for you; you are kidding, right?”

“What do you want, tell me clearly because I am getting late, and I can call the security and make you get out within seconds.”

“Hmm attitude… I like it.”

“Yeah, you have a problem with that?”

“Fine, leave all this Rosh. I can call you that, right? So ‘Rosh’, how did you feel when I held you during the ‘ramp kiss’.”

“What crap are you talking about?”

“How are you hiding those tears which rolled down just because you miss me?”


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“Stop, or I will call the security.”

“You do miss me and that make-up can’t hide what your eyes want to say to me.”

“Puneet, come to the point.”

“I have made my point clear ages back.” I was firm.

“Then why you are repeating it again?” She was weak.

“I am not repeating it, I am making you realize.” We both melted for a moment and that reflected in the silence between us.

“See, I told you that it can never happen, I never felt the way you felt for me, and this is the thousandth time I am telling you that, by now even donkeys would have understood, where they are not respected they don’t show their face, and I don’t know which breed you are.” She must have managed a heart of iron to say that.

“You can abuse me, I won’t mind.”

“For minding, people need a mind.”

“Roshni, by the way how are Kiara, Riya and Adi doing?” That question took her breath away but she covered it up quickly.

“How would I know, I don’t know these people. All college friends, and you can’t expect me to remember each and every person from college.” She tried to keep away from direct eye contact.

“Why don’t you try out your luck with acting? You are already a model; the film industry is open for you. I must say, you are a good actress.” I said, though I felt a lump in my throat.

“Talk to you later, my show has started.” She looked at herself in the mirror for the last time before leaving and then continued, “Hmm, 7:30 my home, right now I can’t miss the show, if you


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have read my diary, you must be aware how important these shows are for me.”

“I’ll be there before 7:30, sweetheart.”

The room was decorated with crystals, the fragrance of flowers surrounded me and the lights were shining as if it lit after ages, the walls were painted purple and pink, the couches were as soft as cotton, it was all just awesome.

“Please make yourself comfortable, I’ll bring you a glass of water.”

“Yeah.”

“So, here you are.” She brought a glass of water from the kitchen and sat next to me.

“Thanks.”

A deep silence was reflected on Roshni’s face while I was eager to hear those three words from her mouth.

“So……” I was in no mood to waste a single moment.

“So, what?”

“You invited me.”

“Yeah, because you were not allowing me to go to my show.”

“Oh is it, I stopped you and you agreed?” I brought the smile back on my face.

“No, I didn’t mean that. Roshni Bhatt lives her life with her decisions.” She was not getting any softer.

“Yaar, leave Roshni Bhatt aside for this evening, and become Rosh, just for me, I know you too are living with this burden.”


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“Hmm” She showed no reaction over my words.

“Look yaar, I don’t want to force you, it’s your decision to love me or not, but on the other hand you can’t stop yourself from living your own life.” I waited for her response but nothing came. “Where is that Roshu, who lived her life without limits and ego? Look at you today, your attitude is more than your height.”

She said nothing, again.

“I read your diary and I want to know about those three kids. I never saw you in that condition then how can you possibly have three kids and that too, 10 years and 5 years of age? You are just 22 right now, right?”

“Haahaha” She kept on laughing for a while, I just loved the sight but felt awkward too.

“Do you think I am joking?”

“Yes, I do think you are joking because if you know my age then you should know some facts too, anyway I am not justifying myself to you or to anyone else.”

“Rosh, please babes, confess that you love me too.”

“No, I don’t, well dinner is ready and you must be hungry, lucky guy, you are going to dine at a super model’s home.”

“Fuck the super model, for me you are just my Rosh.” I was furious now, there was no path left for me to convince her to accept her love for me.

“What do you want, Puneet? I can’t love you. These kids, they are my love and life; I want to spend the rest of my life with them only, am I clear to you?” She was stubborn with her decision.

“What about you then?”


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“What about me? I am just happy.” Her words were not matching with the look in her eyes.

“Yeah, your diary did tell me that you are ‘just’ happy. But I don’t want my Rosh to be ‘just’ happy. I know you feel happy when I am with you.” I took a break to control my emotions but I failed and continued, “Fool, have you ever read your own diary? Every page has only one name, Puneet, even more than your kids’ names, you have penned down every single day when we met, what we talk, what we ate, each and every thing is there.”

I saw those priceless emotions getting dropped from her eyes. I caught them before they could get wasted. For the first time, she showed the inner Roshni to me.

The night has fallen to witness the grandeur of love

You and I are the only two souls and doves.

His arms are my palanquin and I am his queen

His warm breath over my shoulders

Whisper in my ears

Can he take a step further?

Lift me up, like my dad with all love and care

I wrap my legs around his waist, fold my hands over his neck

He leads me to the destiny where making love is all we need,

Are you scared? He asks.

A tear rolls down my eye,

He licks it is as if it were wine.

Taking off the attire, a blissful sigh with very swirled emotions


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Listen! “Hmm”

You are the best thing that ever happened to me,

Can we talk later about this?

Getting deeper and deeper until the desires meet

Sweating hard, but a special treat.

“Puneet, I love you.” She said lying next to me on the bed, with nothing over her svelte figure.

“Hmmm….” I said nothing; I was still enjoying the hangover.

“Puneet, I am serious.”

“Even I am serious, I confessed my love ages back.” I replied a little rudely, I was still in some kind of a hangover and that hurt her.

“Fine, all you needed was a one night stand with me, right?”

“What the hell? Are you mad Rosh, I love you.” I got up instantly.

“Okay, now you can leave, you made love, it’s enough, your wish is fulfilled, now don’t try to contact me.”

“What happened, Rosh?”

“Yaar, I love my kids, I can’t love you, it’s as simple as that.” Oh! So the reason was different. She was still thinking the same thing.

“They are my kids too.”

“And when did they become your kids?”


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“If you are their mother then I am their father, that’s the rule of the universe.”

“I am not joking.” She had a strange magnetic look in her eyes, which pulled me into the depth of what she was saying.

“Even I am not joking, see I’ll love them and treat them the way you do. If your happiness is tied with them, trust me I can do anything for your happiness.” I assured her.

“Thanks, Puneet.” She cried, again.

“What, why the ‘thanks’?”

“I love you.”

So, finally she confessed her love.

“You know what, all those kids are adopted.” She said.

“I don’t have any problem if they are adopted or they are your own blood, all I know is I am the dad to those three little kids.”

Finally love made its way, and fate gave me yet another good news.

“Hey Rosh! What are you doing here and that too at 3 am, are you okay?”

“Nothing Puneet, I was feeling suffocated so I just came outside to get some fresh air.” Roshni whispered. Both of us looked down from the fifth floor of our balcony. The whole world was sleeping deep, lost in their dreams. I was the only one who was awake, holding the hand of my dream.

“Happy Birthday, Puneet.” She whispered in my ears once again and planted a kiss on my lips. She handed me a present too.


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“Thank you darling. What’s in this?” I asked her.

“Take a look yourself.” Then I started to open the wrapping. It was a watch.

“Keep this bound to your wrist; it will remind you of our love and the ‘time’ we are spending right now.”

I took her along with me to the room and huddled her into my arms just to show my love and care for her. We were both having the best time of our lives without the slightest hint that everything was about to end very soon.

We were both immensely in love with each other and we decided to get married in the presence and with the blessings of our parents. Yes, indeed it was going to be a love marriage and it wasn’t going to be easy for us to confess our relationship to our families but somehow we managed to do so. We informed our respective families about each other and from that day onwards, the story of our separation had started to be written.

One fine Monday morning, while preparing breakfast, Roshni rushed to the basin and started puking. It was unexpected and yet quite obvious.

Somewhere along the way, she had an idea of what was happening to her yet she wanted to be sure. And the two red lines on the pregnancy kit too confirmed it. Now her mind started planning, how to break out the joyous news to me.

Post dinner, when we were back in our bedroom, Roshni finally decided to blurt out the golden news but waited until I came beside her on the bed.

“Honey, you haven’t slept as yet. I thought you must be snoring by now.” And then I winked at her as she sat on the right side of the bed.

‘’Can you feel something?’’ asked Roshni sitting beside me, placing my palm on her stomach.


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I immediately got her point. I leaped up like a spring on the bed filled with immeasurable joy and impetuously called up my mom saying that a baby was coming soon. I was closer to my mother. The news of the baby reached my father and that damaged everything.

“If it’s a girl, then we will name her Ritika and if it’s a boy, we will name him Rishi.” This was instantly decided by Roshni herself. She was very excited. She called her dad too. They told her that they would reach the following morning itself and that gave Roshni more happiness because it would be the first time that she would be having her parents in her new home.

We were both ready to welcome our parents. My father came rushing to me, leaving all his campaigning for the upcoming election and that was totally unexpected. I was happy that he still cared for me.

We had no clue what they were all up to. They came, showered us with love and then betrayed us. They stabbed us on our backs. One night, her mother mixed mifepristone in her milk which caused a chemical abortion. The pain arose, tearing out of the blood cells, killing her baby inside. Roshni was clueless about this unfortunate mishap.

After murdering our child they tried to murder our relation too. First they tried cheap tactics like arousing hate between us by telling us false stories about each other but when nothing helped, they showed their real face. Roshni and I were both devastated to know about our child’s death. It was as if nothing was left for us to feel happy about. All we had left were her three children. The day her father came to know about them, he left them in some orphanage at a remote city without even informing Roshni. That blow on our souls shattered everything inside us.

Roshni left food and water, she got hospitalized. The same thing happened with me. Our parents’ pride took away the life of their children. I was taken back to Delhi, my father thought


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that time would heal everything but nothing helped. Then I was referred to my uncle who erased my memory with treatment and drugs.

He erased everything about Roshni from my mind but forgot to erase Rishi, my ‘dead’ son.

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Back to Puneet’s present life...

Life is really strange and so are we! We keep asking it so many questions; why, who, when? But the day life starts answering our questions, we start wondering why the hell is it doing this to us? Can’t it just keep quiet and hear our crap without answering them? Strange!

My whole life, my whole fucking life was nothing but a lie. A lie told by my parents. They knew everything but never told me. They let me sway away with my assumptions; they threw me in the darkest cave from where there was no escape.

“Why, mom? Why did you do that to me? You knew everything, right?” We were both unable to make eye contact now.

“We did that to bring you back son; bring you back to normal from that state of depression. There was no way left for us.” My mother knew that these words would leave no impact over my injured soul but that was the best attempt she could make.

I chuckled and stood up, “See mom, I am back. You brought your son back from that horrible state. Now feel proud and happy.” I was furious. I had never before screamed at her, the way I did that day. She continued to sob and I left for my room.


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We both loved each other; we were both ready to live together and also to die for each other. Now I didn’t remember anything about her but her love never allowed me to forget her. She visited my dreams; she tried to make me remember her but I had felt afraid of her. I tried to block her thoughts from my mind. I tried to search for someone else when there was already a girl out there who was madly in love with me. She remembered me, cried for me, prayed to God for my return but I remembered nothing.

Tears were free to flow now; there was no reason for them to stop. They deserved to flow and keep on flowing till I myself got drifted along with them. I had broken someone’s heart, I had broken a promise, I had broken a trust; why the hell was I still alive. What was the point of going on living now?

Wait! Where was Rishi? He had seemed to know everything. He had turned things right for me. He had directed me to find the missing link in my life and sometimes he also spoke to her, to Roshni.

“RISHI!” I burst my lungs out and screamed his name but he did not appear. I called his name out again; and yet no response. I looked for him everywhere in the house; I found him nowhere. My mother got afraid to see my reaction. She followed me everywhere, tried to stop me, but I was not going to stop now. I wanted Rishi back; I wanted to talk to him; I wanted to know where Roshni was and how she was doing. I wanted to meet her once. Just once…………

“Do you know what the best thing about you is?” I asked her while lying on her lap. We were naked, exhausted and very happy.

“What?” Roshni said. Her wildness was slowly transforming into cuteness. She was a lady of various colors.

“It’s the language of your body. It speaks to me and asks to explore every part of it again and again and again.” I ran my finger from her neck to navel and transformed her into a tigress once again.


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Suddenly everything faded like it had never existed and at that very moment I understood that I was dreaming. A white color white filled the space around me. Everything was bright, very bright but still bearable for the eyes.

I knew that at any moment, Rishi would pop up from somewhere in front of my eyes. I waited, I called out his name; but he didn’t appear. Then suddenly, I felt like I was falling; I was falling as though from high in the sky. The feeling was so real that I couldn’t stop myself from screaming. I could see the hard concrete floor waiting to hurt me the very moment I would hit it. I knew it was all a dream but still, that feeling took my breath away for a moment.

I was about to hit……. 5 … 4…. 3…. I closed my eyes in fear. Waited for the ‘crash’-moment but nothing happened. I opened my eyes and saw Rishi standing in front of me; pale and expressionless. I wanted to ask him many things but words weren’t coming out of my mouth. It was as if someone had controlled my mind and ordered it to shut down. The next urge which grew within me was to look around; to look at the place around me. It wasn’t my will to look but it was like someone was ordering me and controlling my actions.

I looked around, it all looked familiar. I had seen this place before, in another dream. Yes, it was a railway station in Ahmedabad. But what was here? Why was this place so important, that it kept coming in my dreams again and again? Rishi really wanted to show me something here.

I turned my gaze back to Rishi. The moment our eyes met, he started walking away, I followed him. While following him, the surroundings started to change again. It first faded, turned white and then a new scene emerged. I could see Rishi entering a huge building. I tried to find out the name of the building and saw it written on the top. It read ‘Apollo Hospital’. What was in there?

I followed Rishi inside the hospital but the moment I entered the building, he disappeared. I looked around but he was gone. ‘Where was I to go now?’ I asked myself but got the answer from the lady at the reception.

“Room no. 209.” She said and showed me the stairs. I ran towards the indicated direction and followed the stairs till I reached the second floor.


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Room no. 209 was now in front of me. I could see Rishi standing in front of the closed door of 209. He crossed it without actually opening it. I didn’t try that. I opened the door and saw her; Roshni lying on the bed with so many machines around indicating that she was ‘just alive’. Behind her bed, Rishi was standing. The moment he saw me, he said, “Hey dad! Meet my mom!!!”

Suddenly I woke up. My breath was totally out of control. It took me around 5 minutes to regain control over it. I thought nothing for a moment other than packing my bags and travelling to Ahmedabad.

I had a long journey to think about various possibilities. I kept on thinking about my life, I wanted to think of a future but it was too scary. A part of my life had entered from the past to the present by replacing the existing one. Roshni had entered my life by kicking Myra out. What would I say to her? How would I face her? And what about Roshni? Will I ever be able to find her? And what if she asked me where I had been for such a long time? For 10 years she had waited for me, loved me and I came to her, just asking her to forget me and live life happily without me. Most importantly, what was she doing in a hospital? And where had Rishi come from? How did he know everything?

There were so many questions hovering in my mind that had no explanations whatsoever. The deeper I dug, the deeper it went. The best thing was to leave everything to God. He was the one who had given me the questions to think, and He would answer them too. I just had to follow the links.

I reached ‘Apollo Hospital’ in Ahmedabad by hiring a taxi at the station and got bewildered because it was all exactly the same as I had seen in my dreams. I pinched myself to confirm that I wasn’t daydreaming again.

I went inside; I wasn’t surprised to see that the interior too was the same as I had seen before. Even the receptionist was


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the same. I had no idea how all this was even possible. I asked about the patient in Room No. 209 and felt my heartbeat rising for a moment as she scrolled through her records in the computer. Then she confirmed that Roshni was there. She had been in a coma for the past 8 years.

I took the stairs and rushed to Room No. 209. I skipped a few breaths while climbing two stairs at once. I could hear someone calling out my name. I didn’t stop because I knew whose voice that was! My Roshni knew that I was there. I could feel her somewhere around.

I threw open the door of 209. She was there on the bed. The constant beep of the instruments around was the only noise I could hear other than my own heartbeat. I froze for a moment. Then slowly I started to proceed towards her. The beeps increased in frequency. With every step I took towards her, its frequency increased. The nurse standing nearby rushed towards the door. I didn’t notice her. I just kept on looking at my Roshni. With each step I took towards her, all the memories came rushing back to my mind. It was like watching a movie again for the 50th time. I recalled every moment I had spent with her. My angel was there, just a few inches away from me. The doctors came rushing in; they held me and dragged me out of the room. That very moment woke me up and brought me back to reality. I resisted going away but the doctors forced me to leave. In the meanwhile the beeping sounds kept increasing in frequency.

I was almost at the door of the room when I heard her speaking, “I didn’t want you to come here. I am sorry, Puneet, I just couldn’t control Rishi.”

She had woken up from her coma after 8 long years.

“I know you have plenty of questions running in your mind but truthfully speaking; even I really don’t have any answers to what just happened inside.” The doctor looked just as confused


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as me. There was a long silence between us when he took a few deep breaths and tried to gather his experience over weird cases like this one. We were sitting in his cabin.

“Last…. I mean, is there anything strange in your life which happened with you in the last few months or days?” The doctor hit the bull’s eye with that one. I explained to him everything just the way I had to my uncle. I also told him my past story with Roshni and the dream I had had of this place.

The doctor looked thoughtful. He tried to gather everything and when I finished talking, he took his laptop and typed some keys over it in hurry. I could see his expressions changing as he took intervals between different searches.

Finally he broke the silence and said, “This is strange, Puneet but I think this is the only reason that explains the whole scenario.” He took a pause and then continued. “Coma, as you may know, is a kind of sleep which usually occurs because of some kind of a trauma. Now, when we sleep, usually our last thought gets trapped in our mind and reaches our unconscious mind which slowly gets jumbled with our memories and produces a weird kind of a dream. We all experience this.” He took another pause to see whether I was getting his point or not. I showed no response. So he continued, “In the same manner, a state of coma also traps our last wish, memory or thought and produces dreams when we are sleeping deep in coma.”

“But there is one strong difference between coma and a normal sleep and that is the activeness of our unconscious mind. It has been more active in Roshni’s case. Much more than we can imagine.”

“I am still clueless, sir. What’s your point?” I asked.

“The boy you see all around is not your son, it is Roshni’s unconscious mind; travelling with you everywhere you go.” He said not believing in his own words.


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“Ah…. I mean… how could…. You know….” I wanted to ask many things but couldn’t frame my thoughts.

“I know it sounds weird, being a medical practitioner even I don’t believe in such things but I do believe in love, much more than any medical book. I have seen dead people coming back to life because their loved ones were not ready to give up on them. I have seen miracles and this is one of those miracles.” He took a pause and then again continued, “Her love towards you was the last image in her mind which grew multiple times and became superficial and started to roam all around in search of you. She was told that you were dead but she believed that you couldn’t have left her alone. In the meanwhile, your memories regarding the girl were erased, so maybe that’s why you saw her in the form of your son because that’s the only image left in your memories regarding Roshni. She found you, she talked to you, and she reminded herself to you and maybe solved some of your issues too in your life. She enjoyed being in coma because that’s how she could connect with you and maybe that has been the reason of our failures at waking her up from the coma. But finally when she saw you here, she realized her mistake and woke up saying all those things inside.”

“But doctor, I have heard of some coma stories wherein people could hear the things happening around them; these things seem more realistic somehow. But I don’t understand how a person lying 100’s of kilometers away from someone can communicate with him without any technology or anything?” I had no clue what I was saying or hearing; because it was all appearing like a stupid dream that made no sense. The deeper I tried to dig, the more awkward and weird I felt.

“Our mind is the creator of every technology around us, so just imagine the power of the mind. We have no idea what it can create or invent. We don’t even know 2% of its working. Love acts like a fuel for the mind and that’s what happened in this case. Answering your query Puneet, I would say yes, our mind is capable of creating telepathy with the ones we love. My mother always gets alert whenever I am not feeling well


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or if I’m in danger. Everyone experiences these things but we have no scientific explanations for it. It just happens.”

He turned the laptop screen towards me and let me see a whole lot of Google searches of weird stories related to coma patients. “Look Puneet, the internet is full of weird stories about coma patients. Similar cases have occurred in England, Australia, Finland, everywhere. See this story of Geoffrey Lean, it somehow resembles our Roshni’s story.” I scanned through it and yes, the doctor did have a point. His story did resemble the explanation of the other doctor’s whose case we were going through.

It was all weird but I had no other choice than to accept it. It was like a story narrated by your child, which made no sense and had no meaning in it and yet you had to believe in it to take the conversation ahead. I was eager to talk to Roshni now but the doctor had to take some tests before letting her meet me. I had nothing in my mind; it was all blank as if I was dead; as if there was nothing left in life now.

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21

I wanted to feel her face; I wanted to touch her but the only thing I could touch right now was the window glass of the closed door of Room No. 209. Numerous doctors and

nurses were roaming around her taking different notes, talking about different things to each other. They wanted to make sure that Roshni recovered soon. She was not ready to be exposed to the world. I had to wait outside. I had to maintain distance from her, for her.

2 days went by but still, I didn’t get to meet her. She was asleep, said the doctor. Her family gathered outside the room, the moment they heard the news. They had given up all hope of being able to see her awake and hear her speak again. They were happy but were also angry to see me there. They never tried to talk to me; I never bothered to talk to them either. We all had a kind of mutual understanding between us.

Every time I saw someone coming out of the ‘treasure’ room, her family gathered around them as they were obviously very anxious. I just stood somewhere in the corner, wondering what was going to happen next? Was this the moment? But it didn’t come.

That day, my phone rang and the name which got displayed over it induced a strange feeling within me. The call was from Myra. My first thought was to just reject the call in the same


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manner as I had rejected my mother’s calls but without knowing why, I answered it.

“Where are you?” She asked without saying anything else.

“I am….. I am in Ahmedabad.” I tried to lie at first, but then said the truth.

“I know that but where are you right now?” How did she know that?

“I am at Apollo hospital.” I said.

“Okay, I am coming in an hour or so.” She said and disconnected. In an hour? How? And why?

I had no idea, what was going to happen; how I would face both the ladies of my life. I couldn’t lie to them. They both possessed the two halves of my heart. They both knew me, more than I knew myself. I just sunk my head between my legs when I heard a nurse calling my name.

“Who’s Puneet Shrivastava?” She said. Everyone stood up but only I spoke up.

“Yes?”

“The patient is calling you. She wants to talk to you.” She said and left for her work somewhere else. I looked at everyone there. Roshni’s entire family had the same question on their faces; ‘Why you?’

I entered the room, closed the door behind me and sat on the stool lying next to her. She was looking brighter than before. I first felt reluctant but then couldn’t stop myself from holding her hand. We both had big smiles on our faces but they slowly faded and turned into cries. Both of us were crying madly, tears had no obstruction at all; they kept on flowing and with that our hearts started to feel lighter. That was magical; the aura of that meet was just magical.


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“I am sorry, Puneet.” She still had the same cuteness in her voice.

“No… I am sorry, Roshni. I left you alone for all these years. I broke the promise we made to each other; I broke the trust……” I said while crying like a child. Her hand in my fist was the only thing which felt in my control; everything else was flowing freely away from me.

“That was not your fault. That was completely my fault. You could have lived your life happily if I could have controlled Rishi. I was happy to see you, happy from a distance. I was happy to talk to you, I was happy to give you back your son but I destroyed everything.” I tried consoling her. Her words made no sense to me. I was clueless. But I didn’t ask her anything. That was not the right time. I kept on running my hand over her head; I kept on playing with her hair, till she slept.

Slowly, after about an hour or so, I came out of the room. Her family wanted to ask me about her but their egos stopped them. It didn’t bother me. I slowly settled down on a bench and tried to relax and consume the environment when I felt someone caressing my hair. Her touch was enough for me to know her presence. Myra was there.

“How’s she now?” Myra asked. I had no courage left to ask her anything or even maintain decent eye contact with her. She was the most cheated one in our story. I was the only person who was to be blamed.

“She’s doing fine.” I said. Our eyes met for the first time. We both smiled and then withdrew. I was looking at the floor and her eyes were wandering somewhere in the lobby area. She smiled at everyone she could recognize as Roshni’s family but no one greeted her in the same way.

A few minutes passed without any words but then I gathered some courage to start our conversation. “Listen Myra, I am so


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sorry for what……….” She put her finger on my lips before I could speak any further. She just flattened her lips in a jolly way and shook her head to indicate that she didn’t want to hear my apology. She smiled. I didn’t want to admit it but at that moment, I fell in love with her….. again.

“Your mom called me the day you went missing. She was crying a lot; she told me everything about you and Roshni.” She took a pause in between, may be to clear the lump in her throat and to control her emotion. “I was truly moved to hear all that. I really wanted to meet Roshni. Your mom told me that you are in Ahmedabad, so I took the next train and reached here.” She took another pause but it was to show her cute smile to me and induce the same on my lips. “When can I meet her? I want to talk to her.”

I opened my mouth to say something when the doctor arrived and allowed Roshni’s family members to meet her. Everyone rushed inside with presents, cards, flowers etc. Only Myra and I were left outside.

“Thank you for coming.” I could only manage to say that. I was totally broken before but now I could see some light in this dark cave.

I woke up hearing a strange knock on the door. I left the bed and checked; there was no one at the door. But I had heard a knock. Maybe it had been a dream. I looked at the wall clock; it showed 6 o’clock in the morning; not a good time to go back to bed. ‘Okay then, let’s get ready for work’, I decided. I took my towel and proceeded towards the bathroom. I pushed the door wide open and went inside when my eyes fell on him. He shouted like crazy. I joined him.

“Isn’t there any privacy for adult boys like me in this house?” It was Rishi, taking a bath, fully nude in my bathroom. “Can’t you wait outside? Why are you always in a hurry?” He was hiding his private area with both his hands. I closed the door and came out.


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A few minutes later, I called his name.

“Rishi? Are you done?” No response. “Rishi….”……. “Rishi?” I opened the door slowly and saw nobody inside. I searched for him everywhere but he couldn’t be found.

“Rishi? .............. RISHI !!!!!”

“Rishi.” I woke up suddenly. I looked everywhere, no one was there. I was still lying on the bench in the lobby of the hospital. Everyone around me was asleep. Rishi? Roshni!

I went to the glass window of the door and tried to sneak a peek inside. Roshni was deep asleep. I looked at the wrist watch; it was 5 in the morning. I came back to the bench. I searched for Myra, she was nowhere. I looked around and then found her coming from the main gate with some medicines in her hand. She went directly inside the doctor’s cabin and then after 2 minutes she came out and sat next to me.

“The doctor asked for some medicines for Roshni. Everyone was sleeping so I….” She smiled and then fell asleep. Why was she doing that when she knew everything?

I saw the nurse coming out of Roshni’s room, she asked for a female family member to go inside and help with a bath and clothes for Roshni. Roshni was still not strong enough to do the same on her own.

Roshni’s mother was the only one available at that time, so she took the clothes and was about to enter when Myra asked her, “Aunty, can I help?” Her mother thought for some time but then allowed her to come in. Myra’s smile was such a powerful magnet that it only attracted the positivity in people. No one could say no to her.

Myra took no time to gel with Roshni’s family. A strange positivity had filled the atmosphere in the lobby of the hospital


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after Myra’s arrival. She was a great listener, when aged people tried to reveal their life experiences; she was full of life when she met anyone of her own age group; she was a great story teller for children who were getting bored to see the hospital functioning.

She even tried to drag me into getting to know Roshni’s family but I had some limits; I couldn’t cross them.

“When are you leaving?” I asked, while we were having food in the canteen.

“Why? When is Roshni getting discharged?” Myra said with mouthful of rice and curry.

“I mean, you have a job, your studies back in Delhi and why are you just wasting your time here, I’ll keep you informed over the phone about what’s happening here. I think you should be leaving today itself.” I took my spoon near my mouth and tried to convince her.

“No, it can all be done afterwards. I am not leaving you here alone.” There were no changes in her.

I got furious. I threw the spoon back in the plate and shouted at her. “Why are you behaving like this, huh? Don’t you know what’s coming? Don’t you know what’s going to happen in our relationship? Why are you making everything so difficult? I don’t need you. Please leave…. Please!!!” We both had tears in our eyes.

“I am not leaving. I know you need me.” She took a pause and held my hand. “I know you need a friend standing next to you. I am not going anywhere, till Roshni comes out of this hospital.” She said and left the table. She wanted to cry but not in front of me.


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I kept on looking at the empty chair in front of me on which, a few moments ago, a girl was sitting. I just couldn’t understand how she could be so strong within. She knew everything, yet never complained. She had made no mistake, and yet she was the only one losing. She just loved, loved a man more than her life and this was what she got in return.

A pair of eyes were watching me from somewhere in the canteen, they were crying to see me like this. But those eyes knew that now, nothing could be changed, or maybe there was an escape? ‘No, I am not doing that….’

“How are you feeling now?” I asked her while holding her hand; sitting next to her bed. We were alone in the room. She wanted to tell me something.

“They told me that you died in a car accident but my heart knew that you wouldn’t leave me alone. I knew that someone was playing a prank on me; a very evil prank. They wanted to shock me with some news so that I could come out of another shock; the shock of Rishi’s death. They thought my brain was having some problem and I was having difficulties responding. They wanted me to cry, cry aloud. But why should I cry? For whom should I cry? I had no answer to that.” Her voice was very low, I came closer to her. She continued.

“I knew that they were planning to create a story like that; they never gave up. I was ready to hear everything. And they did what I thought. I knew that was a lie; so without responding, I slept.” She took a break to gather her thoughts and also some air.

“I saw a dream; I saw that I was playing in a garden, a garden where different flowers were aligned in different patterns. It was all bright, brighter than anything else I have ever seen but still soothing to the eyes. I saw that I was playing with my children there. Rishi was also there. He totally resembled you in every manner.” She chuckled while thinking about Rishi. I too joined her.


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“After playing for many hours, a thought arose in my mind; a thought of you. I thought why weren’t you there? Where were you? Then I saw at a distance, there was a man like shadow that could be seen. I thought that I had found you, but no. When I came close, I saw myself; I was lying on the bed in the hospital. Doctors were trying their best to wake me up but I didn’t move. I saw myself for days, nothing happened. Then I heard the doctor say that I was in a deep coma.” I was totally amazed to hear her version of the story.

“I kept on wandering around, I saw everyone standing outside; my father, my mother, everyone except you.” Fear stricken eyes were right in front of me. “I thought what if……. What if, what they had said about you was correct? What if you actually di….. Died? That fear gave me a reason to live, reason to stay in a coma for some more time.”

“I started searching for you everywhere. I kept on wandering and finally found you. I was so happy to see you. It felt like I was alive again. I tried to contact you somehow but nothing helped. Then I came to know that you remembered nothing about me. You remembered nothing about our love. That broke me again. I lost all my hopes.” Her pain and sufferings were getting reflected in her eyes. A tear trickled down her eye but I caught it before it landed on her pillow. Those were precious; those were not meant to be wasted.

“Then he came; Rishi, our son. He assured me that he will fix everything and make it all right. Fortunately, he succeeded in making contact with you. We were both very happy and enjoyed a lot while playing with your life. I kept on instructing Rishi and he conveyed my messages to you. Our plan was to slowly try to reproduce Roshni in your memory. How foolish I was!” Her pain and regret was weakening her from inside.

“Then I saw Myra and found a true meaning of this pseudo life. I was not there to drag you back to me but to help you to find your true love; Myra. I started to guide Rishi in such a way that he started to push you towards Myra. And he did. But


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one day, Rishi realized my plan and from that day, everything changed.”

“I started to have conflicts with Rishi and from that day you started to see me. I was fighting with my own self and that created the fear in your dreams. Those nightmares of yours were nothing but the side effect of our fighting. I started to curse that night when you planted Rishi in me. I started to curse everything around me.”

“Rishi refused to be under my control thereafter. He decided to make sure that his dad meets his mom. That’s why he did all that. I was happy to be in a coma and living my life through the eyes of Rishi and being a part of your life from a distance but Rishi wanted something else. Everything you suffered the last few days was because of me. I am so sorry Puneet, please forgive me.” She started to cry. She continued to say sorry for a few more minutes and then she slept again.

Everything I had heard was far from believing and yet I was not going to discuss it because sometimes, it’s not important what you believe, the important thing is what you feel. Where our mind stops thinking, God takes over and this story was not written by us but by the Almighty.

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“Hey Dad!”

I wasn’t expecting to see him again. He was my own Rishi. I was so happy to see him. I had really wanted to see him again. I wanted to pinch myself to confirm that I wasn’t dreaming at that time. But before I could do that, he pinched me.

“You are not dreaming, dad!” He was back with his lollipop again. He took it out and with that his expressions suddenly changed. “I am sorry dad for what I did. I had to do all that. I….”

I cut him in between and said, “Sorry doesn’t sound good coming out of your mouth.” I said.

“That’s correct. I was thinking exactly the same thing, dad! If I am unable to play with my dad, then who else would?” He put the lollipop again in his mouth and started to jump in the air.

I looked everywhere to see whether someone was around because I wasn’t ready to be a butt of ridicule in the hospital. Luckily no one was around.

“Dad, will you mind if I ask you something? I have a friend who is having a grave trouble in life.” He asked in his ever energized voice.


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“Okay, so you have a friend too? What’s his name?” For a moment, I wanted to forget everything and live this moment. I wanted to have a little fun with my son.

“What’s in the name, dad? Just answer me, would you like to solve the dilemma of my friend?” He had something crazy in his mind; his mischief was in his smile.

“Okay, tell me.”

“Listen! I have a friend who is currently caught up in a turmoil of problems. Actually he loves his mother but also loves his father equally. So one day, his father told him that, ‘Beta, you should obey what your mother says. Never ever disobey her.’ My friend said, ‘okay’. Another day, his mother repeated the same thing to him. She said, ‘Beta, you should listen to what your father says. Never disobey him’.”

“So where’s the problem?” I asked.

“Patience, dad! Why are you always in a hurry?” He took a pause, smiled at me and then continued, “So now his father tells him to obey his mother and mother tells him to obey his father. He loves both his parents equally, now whom should he obey? Should he obey his father and start obeying his mother or vice-versa?” So finally his meaningless question was put in front of me.

“I think your ‘friend’ should follow what his father said and start obeying his mother.” I tried to answer the riddle.

“Why the father? Why not his mother?”

“Okay, so tell him to follow his mother’s instructions and obey his father. In both cases, the same thing is happening, right?”

“Think deeper, dad! Show your intellect.”

“Why don’t you tell him to obey both his parents?” I gave up with that.


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“You know dad, sometimes in life, we just can’t go for both our options; we have to choose one, either we feel good about it or bad.” He said in a serious voice. Rishi was not playing around with me, he was there to tell me something, and he was there to tell me that the time to choose had come. Either Roshni or Myra; I just couldn’t have the best of both worlds. His question had a deeper meaning to it.

I had nothing to say. We both remained quiet for a while, then he said, “Whom will you choose dad?”

I had no answer to his question now. I kept on looking into his eyes. They were looking like the way to hell to me. I was lost somewhere for a while. I didn’t even notice when Rishi faded away. I didn’t notice that the silence of the lobby was filled with cries. I didn’t notice that Myra was shaking me with all her energy. I didn’t even notice that Roshni had left all of us forever.

It was raining heavily but that had no effect on the fire; it kept doing its work of consuming my Roshni’s body. Every soul standing there was crying but I didn’t. Even the rain drops falling on my face asked me the same question. ‘Why was there nothing to hide on your face? Don’t worry, you can cry, I will wipe away the tears, the moment they will come out of your eyes.’

I just couldn’t cry because for me, she was not gone yet. I knew she would come back for me. And then, she did come! Behind the fire I saw her smiling at me, for the last time. Then someone held my hand; it was Rishi.

“I got my answer, dad!” He said and smiled. He left my hand and started to walk towards his mom. Rishi and Roshni waved back at me; smiled for the last time and left, forever.

I cried………

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EPILOGUE

3 years later…..

I tried to call her on her mobile for the 22nd time but again I got the same response; which was no response. Everyone was worried. Slowly the negative thoughts started to hover around my mind. I tried to block them but with each second, my strength was weakening.

I tried calling her again; but she was again not reachable. I paced, from one point to another. I also sent some of my colleagues to search for her. They informed me that her car had got stuck in traffic; and mobiles weren’t catching the signal properly. We waited for some more time and then finally I saw a car entering the lawn and from it, he descended.

‘What the hell is he doing here?’ was the first thought which came to my mind after seeing him. Behind him was my angel Myra. She was looking stunning in her red lehenga. Yes, it was our wedding day.

“Hey dad!” Rishi came running towards me and pointed his hand towards Myra and said, “Meet my mom!!!”………

“You wanted to know that, right Myra?” I whispered in her ear.

“What?” She was busy smiling at random guests who were approaching us to give us our wedding gifts.


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“The thing I had wished from the ‘Laughing Buddha’?”

“Yes?”

“I wished for this moment.” She looked in my eyes and smiled.

One year and 5 months later Myra gave birth to a son and we named him Rishi. So from then on, I had two Rishi’s in my life.

Hey Dad! Meet my mom!!!

Deliberately, I learnt about life, Partially, attributed towards motherly delights, I was shattered as debris a number of times,

My mother, she was only there as strength of psyche, Thwart, love-care-affection,

Hiding me in her arms, From the premonitions of disasters,

Never let my hopes wither away, Even to the wicked blows of the selfish world,

Hey Dad! Meet my Mom!!!

Restoring the amicable relations, Sharing my despair secrets,

Genuinely lifting me as inevitable connections, Rising me moreover like lanterns of dreams,

When the sensations were not ample nor bright, Never allowed me to those anger feelings,

If I might get diverted within, Being angry negativistic or delinquent, My mother, she was the only source

of confidence solemn, Hey Dad! Meet my Mom!!!

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Sandeep Sharma (21), a dreamer from Agra, the city of love and the Taj Mahal, is currently in his final year pursuing B. Tech (Civil Engineering) from JSS Academy of Technical Education, Noida.

He is very passionate about writing and has been writing short stories for a personal blog since 5 years. He has also co-founded ‘The Author’s Blog’ which is a kind of a platform which tries to bridge the gap between authors and readers. He is an avid reader and loves to review books on his blog.

He has been previously associated with many anthologies as a contributing author.

Sandeep Sharma loves to spend most of his time with his parents. According to him, “Parents always have so much to teach, it’s just a matter of your learning desire and time.”

Sandeep Sharma can be contacted through:

E-mail: [email protected]

Facebook: www.facebook.com/sandeeplochansharma

Blog: www.theauthorsblogg.wordpress.com

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

It is said that books are a person’s best friend, so Leepi Agrawal started spending her time with this special friend who then led her to write stories and poems at an early age. The Times of India gave wing to her writing by publishing her works in their esteemed newspaper.

Leepi is an “Ahmadavadi Chokri” filled with zest and always strives to mark her work with perfection.

She is a final year student and a gold medalist for her academic excellence in Masters of Computer Applications at Indus University, Ahmedabad. She has won the TechFest in April 2014 at college and state level.

As writing is her passion, she loves to roam in the “gallis of Ahmedabad” so that she can explore more about her birthplace through writings. Apart from the previous successes of her short-stories, now even one of her poems has been acclaimed on an international platform.

She is quite obsessed with writing, wires and machines and subsequently her obsession has turned into her passion and profession.

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