Hearts Apart Booklet

8/6/2019 Hearts Apart Booklet

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Contents

Waiting Families Are Meeting Challenges 5How Does Hearts Apart Work? 5

How is Hearts Apart Structured? 6Is Hearts Apart the Family Readiness Group (FRG)? 7What is a FRG? 7What is a Virtual Family Readiness Group (vFRG)? 7Websites 7Internet Resources 9Introduction 10What are the Eects o Separation on Families? 10What are the Stages o Separation? 10

Recovering Soldiers 13Websites 14Internet Resources 16How Do I Talk To My Children About Their Absent Parent? 17What Do Parents Need To Know? 17What Do Parents Need To Do? 18Concerns of Spouses 20What Does a Spouse Need to Know? 21What Does a Spouse Need to Do? 23

Suddenly Single What Does It Mean? 23Special Issues or International Spouses 24What Can International Spouses Do? 25Websites 25Internet Resources 27Concerns About Young Children 28What Do Young Children Need To Know? 28What Do Parents o Young Children Need to Know? 28Websites 29

Internet Resources 30Concerns About School Age Children 33What Do School Age Children Need To Know? 33What Do Parents o School Age Need To Do? 33Websites 33Internet Resources 36Concerns About Teen Age Youth 37What Do Teen Age Youth Need To Know? 37What Do Parents o Teen Age Youth Need To Know? 37

What Do Parents o Teen Age Youth Need To Do? 38Websites 38Internet Resources 39At A Glance: Summary of Resources 41


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Acknowledgements

This handbook was prepared or the Family and Morale, Welare andRecreation Command by Cornell Universitys Family Lie DevelopmentCenter, and is based upon work supported by the Cooperative StateResearch, Education, and Extension Service, U.S. Department o

Agriculture, under Cooperative Agreement # 2006-48451-03703.

United States Department o Army Family and MWR Command, FamilyPrograms DirectorateBettye Donley, MSW, Relocation Readiness Manager

Cornell University, College o Human Ecology, Family Lie DevelopmentCenterJohn Eckenrode, PhD, Director

Marney Thomas, PhD, Military Project DirectorDorothy Forbes, MASSMaryLu Mc Pheron, MSKristie Lockwood, BS, Research Assistant

Graphic design and production by Wells Communications, Ithaca, NY

Edition 1 2007

All materials may be reproduced.


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Waiting Families Are Meeting Challenges

HEARTS APART oers support or waiting Families by linking Familymembers and children with other Families who are let behind dueto the sponsors mission requirements. Army Community Service/Family Programs provide a supportive group setting or activities,opportunities to learn about available resources, and to network witheach other during the absence o their sponsors.

The ongoing contact o a supportive group and/or a riendlygathering seems to oer the greatest comort to those separated romtheir loved ones. The Hearts Apart (Waiting Families Program) at Army

Community Service/Family Programs and at other locations, oersopportunities or connecting with old and new riends, and providesinormation and quality support to waiting Family members o militaryand Department o Deense civilian personnel.

Guard and Reserve Command realize that Family well-being canaect a Soldiers ability to ocus on their mission. Hearts Apart helps toensure that the Family is supported while the Soldier is away.

Through inormal programs, Hearts Apart can providesupportive ellowship, education, reerral, and

assistance. Hearts Apart encourages Familiesto maintain contact with their command andUnit Family Group. Families that live too ar romeither the unit or rom other military Familiescan stay connected through the resourcesavailable on-line and in their community.

How Does Hearts Apart Work?

Hearts Apart is designed to assist Familymembers make separations more bearable


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during prolonged separations. Whenever a Soldier is leaving on adeployment or an unaccompanied tour o duty, the ACS sta workswith command to obtain accurate contact inormation or theFamily. Once the Family is identied, ACS makes every eort to reach

the Family to assess the need or services and inormation, provideanswers to questions with ongoing inormation updates and act asliaison with military and civilian organizations.

ACS invites Spouses to participate in Hearts Apart meetings orgroups with un-lled activities such as monthly birthday celebrations,holiday events, arts and crats such as scrap-booking, powder pumechanics, sel-deense and much more. Hearts Apart activitieswill dier to meet the needs and special interest o the individualsinvolved, i.e., groups with many small children may tend to be child

ocused with emphasis on play groups while groups with more maleSpouses and older children might ocus on sports events and shing.Ongoing support rom ACS, as well as rom old and new riends at theHearts Apart meetings, make separations easier to handle.

How Is Hearts Apart Structured?

Hearts Apart is not ormally structured; instead you are invited to

meetings and events ocusing on sharing some ideas about things todo. Its both a un-lled, relaxing and inormative time to meet withother Spouses and Families in similar lie situations.

The operation o Hearts Apart events may dier slightly atindividual installations. Typically, Hearts Apart meets monthly oractivities such as bowling, skating, pizza and movie nights, book clubs,card games, parties or children or making arts and crats or specialholiday gits or the absent Family member now living abroad or awayin the states or specialized training, etc. During the winter months,

there is a tendency or many groups to meet more oten as theholidays approach, as many Families experience diculties ghtingloneliness during this season.

Many Spouses elect to depart the installation area or otherlocations in order to be near their amilies and/or riends when theSoldier is away. All eorts are made to inorm the Family o the servicesavailable in the new location. With the Soldiers consent, ACS sends aletter to the Family with a copy to the gaining Family Center, advisingo the Familys arrival in the new community.


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Is Hearts Apart the Family Readiness Group (FRG)?

No. Hearts Apart is a supportive ACS outreach service assisting FRGsin their goal o maintaining military connectivity or identied waitingFamilies.

What is a FRG?

The Family Readiness Group is an ocial Army organization sponsoredby command to be a conduit o inormation with mutual reportingo concerns. FRG membership is comprised o Soldiers, civiliansassigned to the unit and their immediate extended Family members.Its purpose is to provide social and emotional support and keep unitFamilies inormed via a structured communication network betweencommand and Families. The FRG oers many projects, each importantor a designated purpose, such as communications, newsletters,hospitality and social unctions. Please reer to the OPREADYHandbook or more inormation on FRGs.

What is a Virtual Family Readiness Group (vFRG)?The vFRG oers all o the unctionality o a traditional FRG in anon-line setting to meet the needs o geographically dispersed unitsand Families across all components o the Army. Through the vFRG,Families have immediate access to unit and FRG inormation on theinternet. The vFRG can reach into areas where Army installations arenteasily accessible, making important connections easier to sustain. Formore inormation, please go to www.armyrg.org.

Websites

MyArmyLifeTooMyArmyLieToo.comThis portal is the primary gateway to resources, inormation and servicesor all military Family members. The site currently contains links to manyresources that include managing money matters, schools and education,

employment, and Family Services.


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Army Virtual Family Readiness Group (vFRG)http://www.armyrg.orgThe vFRG links the deployed Soldier, their Family, the FRG leader, the unitCommander, the rear detachment, and other Family Readiness Personnel

on their own controlled access web system to acilitate the exchange oinormation and provide a sense o community. This resource is availableto all battalions, brigades, groups, divisions, and corps or the Army,including the Army National Guard and U.S. Army Reserve.

Military One SourceMilitaryOneSource.comThis DoD portal is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a

year. It oers condential assistance by Masters level consultants at no

cost to you. A toll ree number (1-800-342-9647) is also available or thosewithout Internet access.

Military HOMEFRONTMilitaryHOMEFRONT.comThis DoD portal is the ocial Department o Deense web site or accurate,up-to-date, reliable Quality o Lie inormation designed to help troopsand their Families, leaders and service providers.


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My Notes

Internet Resources

MyArmyLifeToo.comhttp://www.myarmylietoo.com

Army Virtual Family Readiness Group (vFRG)http://www.armyrg.org

Military One Sourcehttp:www.militaryonesource.com

Military Homefronthttp://www.militaryhomeront.dod.mil/


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What Are The Effects of Separat ion on Families?

Although military Families generally possess a great deal o resiliencywhen it comes to dealing with changes in their daily lives, adjustingto separation requires many adaptive responses. Some Families mayexperience additional stress. Support or the Spouse and Familyremaining at home becomes more important as daily routines change.

Anyone in the Family can become irritable, dicult to live with

or depressed as they adjust to the Soldiers absence. Maintaininga balance between Family activities, work and recreation can be achallenge. Coordinating childcare, childrens activities and parentalwork schedules can be rustrating. Fortunately, as the Family workstogether towards achieving a new equilibrium, these rough spots inits structure and abric are usually resolved.

Friends and amily are oten relied upon to help out with routineneeds. Social agencies oer programs and resources to meet specialneeds and new challenges. Asking or help is not a sign o weakness. It

shows that you care about yoursel and your Family and are willing totake action to resolve any problems.

What Are The Stages Of Separat ion?

1. Getting ready for the separation: Preparing yoursel and yourFamily ahead o time will ease much o the stress that can occur.

Introduction


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What are some things I can do? Talk about your eelings Ill miss you. Reassuring each other o

your love and commitment is important. Plan special Family activities beore leaving that you can all talk

about when your Spouse is away. Positive memories help keep loveand attachments alive.

Set personal goals or the time that you are separated. Separationcan be a time or growth and personal development. New skills,supportive riends and interesting activities can also be a sourceor shared involvement when your Soldier returns.

Decide how you will keep in touch while you are apart. Planningahead will make communication more reliable and rewarding.

Create a calendar with the dates lled in or when birthdays, car

maintenance, insurance premiums are due, dates or ling taxes,etc. Practical matters are extra important during changing times.Being secure about routine events eases stress.

Be sure that powers o attorney are completed, child care is set and allimportant documents and inormation are accessible.

Discuss plans or emergencies. Older children and adolescentsneed to know the Family saety plan. Its reassuring to them andhelps them eel more condent.

2. Separation: Families who talk about Family issues andwork together to resolve them do the best during separations.Sometimes Family members may eel sadness, atigue and guiltabout not saying or doing more positive things beore theSoldier let. Accepting these eelings and acknowledging thatnot everything can be done is a rst step. Most military Familiesovercome these challenges and grow closer with renewed amilycondence as they learn how to cope eectively during theseparation.

What are some things I can do? Discuss the inevitable changes with everyone involved. The

inevitable changes in Family routines should be discussed witheveryone involved even young children at an appropriate levelor each childs age and developmental stage.

Be positive and reassuring, as well as honest. Sometimes theremaining parent may not know the answer. Children and teensreact according to their own personality and style. Some children


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appear to have no reaction; others may become moody andunpredictable. Some children are open about their true eelings;others cover them up.

Listen careully to both children and adolescents. Adolescents, even

those who experience intense emotions, may hide their eelings inan attempt to make lie easier or the at-home parent. I they areable to talk about their concerns and worries, amily lie usuallyimproves.

Be aware o your own eelings and behavior. Children take theircues rom their parents. I parents are handling the separationwell, children usually do well, despite all the changes in amilyroutines and tasks.

Let older children and adolescents help, but be careul not to

overburden them. For example, adolescents may willingly take onmore responsibilities at home, and some may become caretakersor younger siblings. They can acquire new lie skills in areas suchas helping with laundry, cooking, budgeting, car maintenance, andlawn care. These new skills will last a lietime and increase theirsense o competence and control.

Be sensitive to personal as well as Family crises. Members o theFamily will have varying abilities to deal with crises, and what willappear to be a larger-than-lie crisis to one may be insignicant to

another. Support groups can help waiting Spouses keep a realisticperspective while they work to resolve these situations.

Limit childrens access to newscasts about military conficts.Youngerchildren may erroneously believe that their parent is involvedand become unnecessarily concerned or anxious. I children arepresent when adults discuss these topics, care will need to betaken not to alarm or upset them.

Locate or create special interest groups or men. Male Spousesand Family members can solve problems together and oer

each other practical suggestions and support. Sharing activitiesand building riendships help develop a persons condence inperorming tasks that may be unamiliar.

3. Reintegration: Reintegration is a time or readjustment. Itcan be both stressul and joyul in dierent ways or each Familymember. Children may have a dicult time sharing their at-homeparent with the returning Soldier. Soldiers may question how thechildren were handled during their absence. Newly establishedFamily routines may have to be adapted again.


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What are some things I can do? Be realistic about your expectations. Everyone in your Family has

changed and grown. Everything wont be exactly the same. Allow time to adjust. Everyone will need time to adapt to your

Soldiers return Spouse, children, riends and amily. Get everyone in the Family involved in preparing or the reunion.

Welcoming your Soldier home is part o the reunion process everyone will want to be included!

Plan extra Family time to get reacquainted. Having a Family eveningor a Family day just or you helps restore amily bonds.

Expect surprises some will be good ones!New abilities, newaccomplishments will bring joy and pride.

Discuss any criticisms calmly.This is a time or reason and calmness.

Try to make discussing issues a win-win situation. Avoid tight schedules and over-scheduling reunion events.Take extra

time or things, move more slowly i you can. Give yoursel somespace.

I possible, avoid things that can cause additional stress, such asgoing shopping to make a major purchase like a car, or invitingrelatives to an extended visit as a surprise to the Soldier.

Recover ing Soldiers

The thought that your Soldier may arrive home recovering rom battlewounds or with a disability is in the mind o every Family member.Initially, dealing with injury or serious illness may seem like a lot todeal with and may be rightening. It is important to understand thatit is normal to have many questions, worries and concerns. Just to beable to welcome your Soldier home, and know that you will be gettingyour Family back on track together can be a great relie. Another

important step that Families can take is to be willing or everyone inthe Family to seek support i the returning Soldier needs assistance.

This will normalize the process, reduce the likelihood o creatingadditional stressul reactions, and make your Soldiers reintegrationwith your Family easier.

Soldiers and their Families will need support in reraming thetrauma in order to move orward. Meaningul amily communicationwill be important, especially about such sensitive topics. RecoveringSoldiers are more likely to be more vulnerable to stress, and supportivehelp or everyone may be needed, at least in the beginning.

Families need to be sensitive to behaviors such as risk-taking,substance abuse and suicidal ideation and seek help as soon as


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possible i these are present. Getting help quickly prevents problemsrom becoming entrenched, results in a aster recovery, and preventsFamily members rom also becoming traumatized.

It is also important to remember that a certain amount o stress

is normal and does not mean that mental health issues are present.Many returning Soldiers will experience combat stress but will recover.Sometimes however symptoms persist and the intensity o normalstress reactions does not diminish over time. When this happens,it is usually called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). However,PTSD may not be obvious immediately and monitoring is importantto identiy and deal with this common disorder. Signs o PTSDnormally appear within 3 to 6 months, and are easily identiable by anexperienced counselor.

Extensive help or both Soldiers and their Families is availablethrough Army Community Service, Military One Source, ArmyChaplains, and the Military Family Lie Consultants Program.

Websites

MyArmyLifeTooMyArmyLieToo.com

This portal is the primary gateway to resources, inormation and servicesor all military Family members. The site currently contains links to manyresources that include managing money matters, schools and education,employment, and Family Services.

Military One Sourcehttp://www.militaryonesource.com/The section on stress management contains many resources to help yourFamily. A toll ree telephone number and web site where Soldiers and

Families can sel-reer or condential counseling at any time; counselingis available by either speaking to or emailing a masters level consultant.

National Center For Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jspThis site is provided by the United States Department o Veteran Aairsas an educational resource on PTSD and traumatic stress or veterans,mental health care providers, researchers, and the general public.


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National Military Family Associationhttp:www.nma.orgThis organization educates military Families regarding the issues thataect their lives and promotes and protects the interests o military

Families. Select Deployment and You or another topic o interest. Thissite contains helpul guidelines about coping with deployments andseparations, including helping children cope, reunions and advancing thehealth o the Family let behind.

Military HOMEFRONThttp://www.militaryhomeront.dod.milSelect: ParentingThis site provides troops and Families with helpul inormation on various

parenting programs and techniques, including the Healthy ParentingInitiative, the New Parent Support Program and inormation about anon-DoD website with great inormation or military Families with youngchildren.

American Psychological Associationwww.apahelpcenter.orgThis website has many articles on building resilience in children andamilies, separation and homecoming issues.

Uniformed Services University of the Health SciencesCenter for the Study of Traumatic Stresshttp://www.centerorthestudyotraumaticstress.org/education.

joiningorces.shtmlThe online Joining Forces and Courage to Care publications provide actsheets and other detailed inormation on deployment and amily healthissues.


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My Notes

Internet Resources


Military One Sourcehttp:www.militaryonesource.com

National Center For Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jsp

National Military Family Associationhttp://www.nma.org/site/PageServer

Military HOMEFRONThttp://www.militaryhomeront.dod.mil/

American Psychological Associationhttp://www.apahelpcenter.org/

Uniformed Services University of the Health SciencesCenter for the study of Traumatic Stresshttp://www.centerorthestudyotraumaticstress.org/education.

joiningorces.shtml


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PARENTS WHO SHARE what the absent parent will be doing and wherethey will be living will help their children and adolescents adjust moreeectively. What and how much is disclosed should be guided by thechilds age and maturity.

What Do Parents Need To Know?

Discussing parental absence and changes in Family lie needs to bedeliberate and developmentally appropriate. Use words the children understand Talk about eelings yours and theirs Talk about what will stay the same and what will change because

o the separationChildren are children, not mini-adults, and their ability to

understand is limited. You know your child best and what they are

How Do I Talk to My Children About Their AbsentParent?

I just didnt know how long they would be gone and

when they would come back, because plans change alot. And we just didnt know like how long we would have

to go without our parent. (age 15)

Well, see Im sad because I didnt want him to go but hehad to, so I am kind o mad. But then hes done this a lot

so it doesnt really matter.(age 8)


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able to handle without becoming upset. Keeping their routines stable isimportant during this time. Although many children will need to helpout more at home, all children need to play and spend time with theirriends, especially those who are in the same situation.

Childrens responses may vary with each stage o the absence cycle. Some children may test the limits o rules Some children may regress to younger behavior Some children may want to cling to the at-home parent Some children may nd reunion the most dicult time

What Do Parents Need To Do?

Help the children keep in touch with the absent parent Maintain Family routines as much as possible Maintain Family rituals or create new ones to support Family

continuity Model sel-care and ways to reduce stress Maintain developmentally appropriate expectations about child

and adolescent behaviors and their reactions to stressul situations Disclose Family issues with the childs age, understanding and

emotional development in mind

Maintain consistent expectations about school work and socialbehavior


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My Notes


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WHETHER A FAMILY LIVES ON THE INSTALLATION or in their homecommunity, a Spouse will be making similar adjustments to theabsence o their partner.

Becoming suddenly single is dierent or everyone, but italways brings surprises and changes in routines. For some Spouses, itmay provide an opportunity or personal growth and development;or others it may bring anxiety and concerns, especially i thereare children to be cared or, or i a Family has special needs. Theremay have to be changes in work schedules or social and school

involvement. Child care may be needed or the Spouse to be able tocontinue working. There may be no one available to talk with aboutloneliness, children, budget, car, or vacation the long list o topicsthat Spouses talk about together. While it is important to talk abouteelings with children and teens, it is also important not to overwhelmthem with adult concerns.

Family meetings help resolve dierences and solve problems.When everyone shares their view o a situation, or suggests ways tomeet Family goals, the needs o everyone are more likely to be met.

Utilizing support opportunities is important and it can be un!Making new riends and connectingwith other Spouses who are alsoawaiting a Soldiers return givesa Spouse an opportunity togain encouragement andsupport or their personalchallenges, as well ashelping them locatepractical help inmeeting Family needs.

Concerns of Spouses


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Hearts Apart is one o many Family Services that can help.Participating in healthy, un activities with children and riendshelps the adjustment to a Soldiers absence. Sharing enjoyableactivities is a good way to build amily rapport, ease tensions and

keep communication lines open. Talking is easier when everyone isengaged in an activity.

Resources or coping with new challenges may not be readilyavailable or Spouses who ordinarily live in a small community or eventhose who return to their hometowns. Schools may not be sensitiveto the needs o military children; well-meaning adults may ask yourchildren inappropriate questions or questions that upset them.

What can help? The vFRG will be an important resource orinormation and support, especially or Families who live a distance

rom an Army installation. Websites oer inormation about, orexample, how to talk to school personnel about your childs situationand provide suggestions regarding community organizations that areoten able to help out when you need them.

What Does a Spouse Need To Know?

How to keep in touch with the Soldier

Where to get the resources needed or their Family Who can support the Family i there are challenges

For Spouses who live on or near an Army installation, ArmyCommunity Service resources are readily available such as: New Parent Support Program (NPSP): The New Parent Support

Program (NPSP) is a proessional team o social workers andnurses who provide ree supportive and caring services militaryFamilies with young children or those who are expecting a baby.

The NPSP can help Families: becomemorecondentasparents understandtheagesandstagesofyourchildsdevelopment learntocopewithstress makeparentingfun bebetterparentstotheirchildren feelmoreathomeinthemilitarycommunityThe NPSP supports Spouses by providing Infantcareclasses Parentingclasses Referralstosupportiveservices Playmornings


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Homevisitswithaprofessionalintheprivacyofyourhome Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP): The Exceptional

Family Member Program (EFMP) is a mandatory enrollmentprogram that works with other military and civilian agencies to

provide comprehensive and coordinated community support,housing, educational, medical, and personnel services to Familieswith special needs.Soldiers with Exceptional Family Members must enroll in theprogram: ActiveArmy U.S.ArmyReserve(USAR)SoldiersintheUSAR-ActiveGuard

Reserve (AGR) program and other USAR Soldiers on active dutyexceeding 30 days

ArmyNationalGuard(AGR)personnelservingunderauthorityo title 10, United States Code

Relocation Readiness: Relocation Readiness assists Soldiers andtheir Families with inormation about transitioning to a newlocation; living on base, leasing or renting o-base, selectingschools or children and other important topics.

Financial Readiness Program: The Financial Readiness Programoers a wide range o services to assist Soldiers and their Familieswith their nancial aairs. Emphasis is placed upon the training

portion o the program designed to educate Soldiers and Spousesin money management, proper use o credit, nancial planning,deployment, transition and relocation, insurance, and checkwriting principles.Skilled counselors are available to help Soldiers and their Spouses: Establishbudgets Workwithcreditors Providetax,investmentandconsumerinformation Fileconsumercomplaints

Gatherinformationonlocalconsumerlaws Employment Readiness Program: The ACS Employment Readiness

assists Families with the challenges associated with the job search,particularly as they are impacted by a mobile liestyle. ACS helpsSoldiers and DA civilians, and their Family members throughoutthe entire Military Lie Cycle, recruitment through retirement.Employment Readiness believes that every Army Spouse shouldhave a choice and be aorded the opportunity to develop acareer and /or become employed. Employment Readiness wontdo everything or you, but they will provide you with valuableinormation and critical job search skills.


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What Does a Spouse Need To Do?

Take care o yoursel Attend Hearts Apart activities Learn to manage stress Exercise Maintain a good diet Balance recreation, work, social activities and sel-development Enjoy a hobby Get involved with others Keep in touch with your Soldier

Share the good things that happenExpress aection and love in your messagesExpress yoursel clearlyExplain how you are handling any challengesAccept practical suggestionsAnswer all the questions that may arise

Be appreciative o your Soldiers eorts to stay in touch Learn to be sel-reliant Take advantage o classes and workshops such as

Minor home repairs

Powder-pu mechanicsFinancial management and skillsSel-improvement and exercise classes

Suddenly Single What Does It Mean?

Although many Soldiers and their Families have adapted toseparations due to mission requirements, each time brings dierent

challenges. The rst separation will be dierent rom later ones;requent separations may increase already high stress levels. Copingskills will be unique to each individual, as will resources available orthe waiting Family.

Spouses may be aected by rumors or ears. Is my Spouseaithul? Is my Spouse able to cope without me? Are the childrendoing well? It is important to deal with acts and not listen to rumors,or indulge in antasies.

A mature approach is essential or amily and couple success

during this time. Although recreation is important, Spouses will wantto avoid activities that are likely to be a source o embarrassmentto their Soldier, like spending time at bars, going out to dinner with


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a person o the opposite sex no matter how innocent the activitymight be. The social activities that are provided by Hearts Apartgroups can provide relaxing activities that are useul, un and avoidthese potential pitalls.

Suddenly Single Spouses may need to learn new skills.Negotiating work commitments and childrens school conerencesand activities as well as coping with cooking and laundry, carmaintenance, and household repairs can be challenging. Both maleand emale Spouses may have limited experience in some o theseelds, and the steep learning curve may be intimidating. Hearts Apartgroups will oer resources to help you during this time.

Suddenly Single men may want to nd other males or positivesupport and advice. Men sometimes nd it dicult to ask a woman

or assistance and a male Spouse will also want to avoid anysuggestion o improper behavior. An older (or more experienced)man who can mentor and provide guidance or a man during this timewill be invaluable or practical advice, support and or sharing guyactivities, such as attending or participating in sporting events. SomeArmy installations may oer Hearts Apart groups that are specicallyoriented towards mens interests.

Special Issues for International Spouses

Education in the details o everyday American living will become moreimportant to multicultural, multiethnic, and international Spouseswhen their Soldier is away.

Important inormation about immigration, acquiring Americancitizenship, obtaining a resident alien card (green card), driverslicense, job interviewing, writing a resume, banking, nding a job orhouse/apartment and raising bi-lingual children is available. Taking

classes in English as a Second Language may become essential andopportunities to practice to speaking English such as Hearts Apartmeetings and events will help in social and job relationships.

Inormal gatherings are a good way to share inormation andsocialize with others who share your challenges. Courses on militarylie, Western cooking, American holidays, customs and traditions makeadjusting to American lie easier and more rewarding.


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What Can Internat ional Spouses Do?

Take good care o yoursel

Stay involved in your American community Improve your American skills English, work-related, driving,cooking, or other areas o interest

Expand your social relationships Regularly meet with other Spouses rom your region o the world

or un and sharing experiences

Websites

My Army Life Toowww.MyArmyLieToo.comThis site currently contains links to a skills database and resources thatinclude money matters, schools and education, employment, and FamilyServices.

Military One Sourcewww.militaryonesource.com

A toll ree telephone number and web site where Soldiers and Families cansel-reer or condential counseling at any time; counseling is availableby either speaking to or emailing a masters level consultant.

National Guard Family Programwww.guardamily.orgThis website is a one-stop shop to nd inormation on programs,benets, resources within the National Guard Bureau Family Program,including Family Readiness, youth programs, community outreach, EFMP,

Relocation Assistance Program and other helpul services.

Army Reserve Family Programswww.armyreserve.army.mil/arweb/oramilies/The Army Reserve Family Program is dedicated to education, training,awareness, outreach, inormation, reerral, and ollow-up. The ARFPwebsite is your one-stop shop to get connected with Army Reserve Familysupport inormation and resources.


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Operation Military Kidswww.operationmilitarykids.org

Army CYS has partnerships with youth serving organizations in targetedstates with high deployment rates to set up local support networks that

connect and support the geographically dispersed youth o mobilizedNational Guard and Reserve service members. Through these school andcommunity support networks, military youth receive a wide range orecreational, social and educational programs in communities where theylive.

Operation Uplinkwww.operationuplinkOperation Uplink is a VFW program that keeps military personnel and

hospitalized veterans in touch with their Families and loved ones byproviding them with a ree phone card.

Army New Parent Support Program (NPSP)For general program inormation:http://www.MyArmyLieToo.comTo access your installations NPSP, contact the Family Advocacy Program.The NPSP provides proessional support to military Families who areexpecting a child or have a child birth to six years o age. It provides

supportive home visits, parenting classes and support groups that helpparticipants learn to cope with stress, isolation, and the everyday demandso parenthood.


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My Notes

Internet Resources



National Guard Family Programhttp://www.guardamily.org/

Army Reserve Family Programshttp://www.armyreserve.army.mil/arweb/oramilies/

Operation Military Kidshttp:www.operationmilitarykids.org

Operation Uplinkhttp://www.operationuplink.org/

Army New Parent Support Program (NPSP)http://www.MyArmyLieToo.com


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YOUNG CHILDREN oten become conused about the absence o aparent. They have little sense o time and may believe that their parentwill be back in the morning or will never return. Oten they havediculty understanding why the parent has to leave and may becomeangry or even blame themselves or the Soldiers departure.

Children may regress; toilet-trained children may wet the bed, orhave accidents, and some may eat more or eat less. Some may havetrouble sleeping and want to sleep with the remaining parent. Somemay become araid to separate rom the at-home parent or caretaker.

With understanding, patience and a willingness to reassure them thatall will be well, problems may be quickly resolved.

Hearts Apart groups can oer inormation and support i you aredealing with these situations.

What Do Young Children Need To Know?

Their absent parent loves themTheir at-home parent loves them Lie can be busy, un and happy

What Do Parents of YoungChildren Need To Know?

Keep a childs routines stable

as much as possible Understanding and patiencewill help resolve most diculties

Concerns About Young Children


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Many children will test previously learned limits Regression is common; however, i the Family stress level rises too

high or comort, its a good idea to request proessional help

An important source o support or Army Families is the Armys NewParent Support Program (NPSP). This voluntary program targets newor rst time military parents who are expecting a child or those whohave a child birth through six years o age. It is staed by proessionalteams o social workers and nurses who provide supportive andcaring services to military Families with young children. This programis designed to strengthen parental knowledge and skills so thatparents can provide an environment where their children can thrive.

The program also seeks to reduce stressors that can increase the

risk o child abuse and neglect by oering parents services such aseducational programs, home visits, inormation, and reerrals to otherprograms. Specic inormation about your installations New ParentSupport Program is available directly through your installations FamilyAdvocacy site.

Websites

Army Child and Youth Serviceshttp://www.armymwr.com/Serves all Army Families with children dual military, young Familiesaway rom home, single parents, parents who are employed in shit work,Families acing deployment, temporary duty, or eld training by providingquality developmental programs or their children and youth.

The Military Child Education Coalitionhttp://www.militarychild.org

A world-wide organization that identies the challenges that ace thehighly mobile military child, increases awareness o the challengesstudents ace in military and educational communities and initiates andimplements programs to meet these challenges.

Talk, Listen, Connectwww.sesameworkshop.org/This is a bilingual DVD kit designed to help military Families with childrenages 3-5 cope with eelings, challenges, and concerns experiencedduring various phases o separation or deployment. The kit includes aDVD eaturing the Muppets rom Sesame Street, and a parent/caregiver


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magazine and poster. This was created through the Military ChildEducation Coalition (MCEC) and partners, and is also available ordownload to your personal computer through streaming video madeavailable by the Department o Deense Quality o Lie Inormation

Technology Center. Additional videos supporting Families, are alsoavailable on this site.

Zero to Threehttp://zerotothree.org/militaryThis site contains useul guidelines and booklets about coping withseparation.


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My Notes

Internet Resources

Army Child and Youth Serviceshttp://www.armymwr.com/


Talk, Listen, Connecthttp://www.sesameworkshop.org/

Zero to Threehttp://www.zerotothree.org/


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IT IS ESSENTIAL or a child to eel sae and secure at home, and,developmentally, this age group may experience the largest numbero diculties during the absence o a parent.

Emerging is their growing independence, yet their need tobe like their peers may have them involved in group behaviorsunacceptable to the parent.

School-age children may try on behaviors like lying, cheating andstealing in learning how to negotiate the expectations and rulesplaced on them by Family, riends, school, and society. Such behaviorschallenge parents to deal with the misdeed privately (avoiding peerridicule), applying a punishment that is meaningully related to thebehavior, and modeling reparation and orgiveness.

It is important or the child to deal with ailure orrustration without decreasing sel-esteem ordeveloping a sense o ineriority. The at-home parentneeds to role model calmness and control.

School aged children may internalizesituations and believe that they are responsibleor events and situations over which they haveno control. Eating disorders can emerge. Also,they may unconsciously mimic the household

climate, and oten take this into the schoolsetting with challenging behaviors. Encouragechildren to express themselves openly and talkabout concerns without ear o reprisal.

Peer acceptance becomes important duringschool-age years but peer support may not be asorthcoming as it will be later rom older children.Friendships at this age are primarily with memberso the same sex.

Concerns About School Aged Children


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What Do School Aged Children Need To Know?

Other children eel sadness, loneliness, anger, loss, ear andhappiness and these eelings are normal (universalize)

Their Family is here to help Contact with the separated parent is essential and will be

arranged by their parent

What Do Parents of School Aged Children Need To Do?

It is important to encourage the child to express their eelings andacknowledge these eelings through talk, drawings, play

The concept o time is developmentally infuenced and to help,use tools to assist such as paper chains, calendars, holidays,seasons and mark the parents return time

To keep the away parent inormed o events and learn o changesthat happened while they were away use photos, or createscrapbooks

WebsitesArmy Child and Youth Serviceshttp://www.armymwr.com/Serves all Army Families with children dual military, young Familiesaway rom home, single parents, parents who are employed in shit work,Families acing deployment, temporary duty, or eld training by providingquality developmental programs or their children and youth.

Operation Military Kidshttp://www.operationmilitarykids.orgArmy CYS has partnerships with youth serving organizations in targetedstates with high deployment rates to set up local support networks thatconnect and support the geographically dispersed youth o mobilizedNational Guard and Reserve service members. Through these school andcommunity support networks, military youth receive a wide range orecreational, social and educational programs in communities where theylive.


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Army Reserve Child and Youth Services Programhttp://www.arp.org/The Army Reserve Child and Youth Services (ARCYS) program enhancesmilitary lie experiences or children who do not have access to traditional

CYS on military installations. From maintaining national partnershipsto orming community-based eorts, to designing Army Reserve specicinitiatives, the ARCYS is a website or the Reserve Family.

National Guard Child and Youth Programwww.guardamily.org/youth/This interactive website is geared specically to children and youth inNational Guard Families.



National Association of Child Care Resource & Referral Agencies(NACCRRA)

www.naccra.org/MilitaryPrograms/index.phpNACCRRA is working with DoD to help those who serve in the militarynd aordable childcare that meets their unique needs. Through severalinnovative civilian/military eorts among DoD, NACCRRA & Child CareResource & Reerral agencies, are building the quality and capacity ochildcare throughout the country.

The military programs include: Operation: Military Child Care (OMCC) NACCRRA provides child care

ee assistance or Active-Duty Army, National Guard and Reserve whoare activated or deployed and whose children are enrolled in non-DoD licensed child care programs.

Military Child Care in Your Neighborhood (MCCIYN) NACCRRAsupports military Families with the cost o high-quality child careoutside military installations.

Enhanced Child Care Reerral Service (CCR&R) CCR&R will providemilitary Families with a high-quality or licensed child care reerral listwith age-appropriate vacancies, which will provide military Familieswith MCCIYN or OMCC subsidy inormation


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The Military Child in Transition and Deploymenthttp://www.militarystudent.dod.mil/

A section o this website contains inormation or military kids ages 6-12.Military kids have a lot o special experiences, and sometimes have to ace

hard times like having their Mom or Dad deployed, or moving to anothernew place. This site helps kids learn new ways to handle these experiencesand to have the opportunity to chat with other military kids their ownage.


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My Notes

Internet Resources



Army Reserve Child and Youth Services Programhttp://www.arp.org/skins/ARFP/home.aspx?AllowSSL=true

National Guard Child and Youth Programhttp://www.guardamily.org/youth/


National Association of Child Care Resource & Referral Agencies(NACCRRA)http://www.naccrra.org/MilitaryPrograms/index.php



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RESEARCH ON ADJUSTMENT among adolescents in militaryFamilies, when a parent is separated, shows adolescents to be moreresilient and better able to make adaptive responses to changes intheir lives when they elt genuinely supported by others, were keptinormed about the other parent, and when they willingly took onmore developmentally appropriate responsibilities at home (but didnot take on a parental role).

What Do Teen Age Youth Need To Know?

Daily routines may change and they may experience a loss o reetime, transportation and encounter nancial constraints

Feeling responsible or their parent and siblings while the otherparent is away is normal

Connectedness matters

What Do Parents Of Teen Age YouthNeed To Know?

Developmentally appropriate andintentional approaches todiscussing separation, changesand concerns at home

How to deal with the changing

nature o adolescent behaviorand emotions How to develop better

communication strategies

Concerns About Teen Age Youth


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Ways to draw out concerns and ears rom adolescents whoisolate themselves and remain quiet about changes and stress intheir lives

The importance o adolescent involvement in social support

networks and how to provide opportunities or youthinvolvement

How to recognize signs and symptoms o depression and whereto go or help

What Do Parents Of Teen Age Youth Need To Do?

Remain supportive and not combative when aced by the roller

coaster o emotions Encourage teenagers how to express eelings in a healthy manner Maintain Family rituals and create new ones to support Family

identity and integrity

Websites

Army Child and Youth Services

http://www.armymwr.com/Serves all Army Families with children dual military, young Familiesaway rom home, single parents, parents who are employed in shit work,Families acing deployment, temporary duty, or eld training by providingquality developmental programs or their children and youth.

National Guard Child and Youth Programwww.guardamily.org/youth/This interactive website is geared specically to youth.

Army Reserve Child and Youth Services Programhttp://www.arp.org/The ARCYS program enhances military lie experiences or children whodo not have access to traditional CYS on military installations. Frommaintaining national partnerships to orming community-based eorts,to designing Army Reserve specic initiatives the ARCYS is a website orthe Reserve Family.


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A world-wide organization that identies the challenges that ace thehighly mobile military child, increases awareness o the challenges

students ace in military and educational communities and initiates andimplements programs to meet these challenges.

Operation Military Kidshttp://www.operationmilitarykids.org

Army CYS has partnerships with youth serving organizations in targetedstates with high deployment rates to set up local support networks thatconnect and support the geographically dispersed youth o mobilizedNational Guard and Reserve service members. Through these school and

community support networks, military youth receive a wide range orecreational, social and educational programs in communities where theylive.


A section o this website contains inormation or military teens. Mostpeople agree that being a teenager is hard enough without having tohandle things that are somewhat unique to the military teens lie, like

a deployed parent or requently moving to a new place. This websitecontains tips and inormation on how to manage many o the issuesthat teens ace, both good and bad. This site contains an abundance oinormation, tools and resources to help meet a teens unique needs.


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My Notes

Internet Resources


National Guard Child and Youth Programhttp://www.guardFamily.org/youth/

Army Reserve Child and Youth Services Programhttp://www.arp.org/





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At A Glance:Summary ofResources

Waiting Families Are Meet ing Chal lenges 42Introduction 43

Concerns of Spouses 45

Young Children 47

School Age Children 48

Teen Age Youth 50


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MyArmyLifeTooMyArmyLieToo.comThis portal is the primary gateway to resources, inormation and servicesor all military Family members. The site currently contains links to many

resources that include managing money matters, schools and education,employment, and Family Services.

Army Virtual Family Readiness Group (vFRG)http://www.armyrg.org/The vFRG links the deployed Soldier, their Family, the FRG leader, the unitCommander, the rear detachment, and other Family Readiness Personnelon their own controlled access web system to acilitate the exchange oinormation and provide a sense o community. This resource is available

to all battalions, brigades, groups, divisions, and corps or the Army,including the Army National Guard and U.S. Army Reserve.

Military One SourceMilitaryOneSource.comThis DoD portal is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a

year. It oers condential assistance by Masters level consultants at nocost to you. A toll ree number (1-800-342-9647) is also available or thosewithout Internet access.

Military HOMEFRONTMilitaryHOMEFRONT.comThis DoD portal is the ocial Department o Deense web site or accurate,up-to-date, reliable Quality o Lie inormation designed to help troopsand their Families, leaders and service providers.

Waiting Families

Are Meeting Challenges


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Introduction

MyArmyLifeTooMyArmyLieToo.comThis portal is the primary gateway to resources, inormation and servicesor all military Family members. The site currently contains links to manyresources that include managing money matters, schools and education,employment, and Family Services.

Military One Sourcehttp://www.militaryonesource.com/The section on stress management contains many resources to help yourFamily. A toll ree telephone number and web site where Soldiers andFamilies can sel-reer or condential counseling at any time; counselingis available by either speaking to or emailing a masters level consultant.

National Center For Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jspThis site is provided by the United States Department o Veteran Aairsas an educational resource on PTSD and traumatic stress or veterans,mental health care providers, researchers, and the general public.

National Military Family Associationhttp:www.nma.orgThis organization educates military Families regarding the issues thataect their lives and promotes and protects the interests o militaryFamilies. Select Deployment and You or another topic o interest. Thissite contains helpul guidelines about coping with deployments andseparations, including helping children cope, reunions and advancing thehealth o the Family let behind.


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Military HOMEFRONThttp://www.militaryhomeront.dod.milSelect: ParentingThis site provides troops and Families with helpul inormation on various

parenting programs and techniques, including the Healthy ParentingInitiative, the New Parent Support Program and inormation about anon-DoD website with great inormation or military Families with youngchildren.

American Psychological Associationwww.apahelpcenter.orgThis website has many articles on building resilience in children andFamilies, separation and homecoming issues.

Uniformed Services University of the Health SciencesCenter for the Study of Traumatic Stresshttp://www.centerorthestudyotraumaticstress.org/education.

joiningorces.shtmlThe online Joining Forces and Courage to Care publications provide actsheets and other detailed inormation on deployment and amily healthissues.


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Concerns of Spouses

My Army Life Toowww.MyArmyLieToo.comThis site currently contains links to a skills database and resources that

include money matters, schools and education, employment, and FamilyServices.


A toll ree telephone number and web site where Soldiers and Families cansel-reer or condential counseling at any time; counseling is availableby either speaking to or emailing a masters level consultant.

National Guard Family Programwww.guardamily.orgThis website is a one-stop shop to nd inormation on programs, benets,resources within the National Guard Bureau Family Program, includingFamily Readiness, youth programs, community outreach, EFMP, Relocation

Assistance Program and other helpul services.

Army Reserve Family Programswww.armyreserve.army.mil/arweb/oramilies/

The Army Reserve Family Program is dedicated to education, training,awareness, outreach, inormation, reerral, and ollow-up. The ARFPwebsite is your one-stop shop to get connected with Army Reserve FamilySupport Inormation and Resources.


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Operation Military Kidswww.operationmilitarykids.org



Operation Uplinkwww.operationuplinkOperation Uplink is a VFW program that keeps military personnel and

hospitalized veterans in touch with their Families and loved ones byproviding them with a ree phone card.

Army New Parent Support Program (NPSP)For general program inormation:http://www.MyArmyLieToo.comTo access your installations NPSP, contact the Family Advocacy Program.The NPSP provides proessional support to military Families who areexpecting a child or have a child birth to six years o age. It provides

supportive home visits, parenting classes and support groups thathelp participants learn to cope with stress, isolation, and the everydaydemands o parenthood.


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Young Children

Army Child and Youth Serviceshttp://www.armymwr.com/Serves all Army Families with children dual military, young Familiesaway rom home, single parents, parents who are employed in shit work,

Families acing deployment, temporary duty, or eld training by providingquality developmental programs or their children and youth.



Talk, Listen, Connectwww.sesameworkshop.org/This is a bilingual DVD kit designed to help military Families with childrenages 3-5 cope with eelings, challenges, and concerns experiencedduring various phases o separation or deployment. The kit includesa DVD eaturing the Muppets rom Sesame Street, and a parent/caregiver magazine and poster. This was created through the MilitaryChild Education Coalition (MCEC) and partners, and is also available or

download to your personal computer through streaming video madeavailable by the Department o Deense Quality o Lie InormationTechnology Center. Additional videos supporting Families, are alsoavailable on this site.

Zero to Threehttp://zerotothree.org/militaryThis site contains useul guidelines and booklets about coping withseparation.


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School Age Children

Army Child and Youth Serviceshttp://www.armymwr.com/Serves all Army Families with children dual military, young Familiesaway rom home, single parents, parents who are employed in shit work,Families acing deployment, temporary duty, or eld training by providingquality developmental programs or their children and youth.


Army CYS has partnerships with youth serving organizations in targetedstates with high deployment rates to set up local support networks thatconnect and support the geographically dispersed youth o mobilizedNational Guard and Reserve service members. Through these school andcommunity support networks, military youth receive a wide range orecreational, social and educational programs in communities where theylive.

Army Reserve Child and Youth Services Programhttp://www.arp.org/The Army Reserve Child and Youth Services (ARCYS) program enhancesmilitary lie experiences or children who do not have access to traditionalCYS on military installations. From maintaining national partnershipsto orming community-based eorts, to designing Army Reserve specicinitiatives, the ARCYS is a website or the Reserve Family.

National Guard Child and Youth Programwww.guardamily.org/youth/This interactive website is geared specically to children and youth inNational Guard Families.


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A world-wide organization that identies the challenges that ace thehighly mobile military child, increases awareness o the challenges

students ace in military and educational communities and initiates andimplements programs to meet these challenges.

National Association of Child Care Resource & Referral Agencies(NACCRRA)www.naccra.org/MilitaryPrograms/index.phpNACCRRA is working with DoD to help those who serve in the militarynd aordable childcare that meets their unique needs. Through severalinnovative civilian/military eorts among DoD, NACCRRA & Child Care

Resource & Reerral agencies, are building the quality and capacity ochildcare throughout the country.

The military programs include: Operation: Military Child Care (OMCC) NACCRRA provides child care

ee assistance or Active-Duty Army, National Guard and Reserve whoare activated or deployed and whose children are enrolled in non-DoD licensed child care programs.

Military Child Care in Your Neighborhood (MCCIYN) NACCRRA

supports military Families with the cost o high-quality child careoutside military installations.

Enhanced Child Care Reerral Service (CCR&R) CCR&R will providemilitary Families with a high-quality or licensed child care reerral listwith age-appropriate vacancies, which will provide military Familieswith MCCIYN or OMCC subsidy inormation


A section o this website contains inormation or military kids ages 6-12.Military kids have a lot o special experiences, and sometimes have to acehard times like having their Mom or Dad deployed, or moving to anothernew place. This site helps kids learn new ways to handle these experiencesand to have the opportunity to chat with other military kids their own age.


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Teen Age Youth

Army Child and Youth Serviceshttp://www.armymwr.com/Serves all Army Families with children dual military, young Familiesaway rom home, single parents, parents who are employed in shit work,

Families acing deployment, temporary duty, or eld training by providingquality developmental programs or their children and youth.

National Guard Child and Youth Programwww.guardamily.org/youth/This interactive website is geared specically to youth.

Army Reserve Child and Youth Services Programhttp://www.arp.org/

The ARCYS program enhances military lie experiences or children whodo not have access to traditional CYS on military installations. Frommaintaining national partnerships to orming community-based eorts,to designing Army Reserve specic initiatives the ARCYS is a website orthe Reserve Family.


A world-wide organization that identies the challenges that ace the

highly mobile military child, increases awareness o the challengesstudents ace in military and educational communities and initiates andimplements programs to meet these challenges.


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A section o this website contains inormation or military teens. Most

people agree that being a teenager is hard enough without having tohandle things that are somewhat unique to the military teens lie, likea deployed parent or requently moving to a new place. This websitecontains tips and inormation on how to manage many o the issuesthat teens ace, both good and bad. This site contains an abundance oinormation, tools and resources to help meet a teens unique needs.


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My Notes


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Hearts Apart Booklet

Documents