8/8/2019 H Conlon Writing Samples http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/h-conlon-writing-samples 1/33 Bowling What is it about bowling? I've never been really good at it. When I watch it, I always get this "it's sort of cheesy" feeling. But when I actually play it, it's not cheesy anymore - it's hard! It's challenging! It's FUN! I've never bowled on a league, only with friends and family. If I break 100, I'm thrilled with myself. Best game I ever did was 160. Actually winning a game is a thrill! My wife, son and I go out about twice a year for a night out of bowling. My wife has always been good at bowling, 160 is child's play for her. And my son at 14 regularly kicks my butt. And even though I rarely win with these two, we always manage to have a complete blast. Eating whatever sounds good from the grill and drinking beers and soda, and of course watching the other bowlers, we've found that we really do enjoy the sport. It's one of man kinds oldest sports... seriously. British Anthropologist Sir Flinders Petrie became the first to discover evidence of a bowling-like game. He found ancient objects in a child’s grave in Egypt that were allegedly used for a primitive form of the game. The artifacts have been dated back to 3200 BC, effectively making bowling over 5,000 years old! And 5,000 years later, here we are. Slick wooden, hand crafted lanes. Automatic ball returns, automated pin resets, computerized scoring, restaurant and bar. . . Some say bowling is even more popular than soccer on this planet. Cheesy as it might look, bowling is a blast! Car Restoration There it sits in the back of the overgrown field. Being an aficionado of old cars, I recognize it immediately. 1959 Ford Edsel. It's dead. Decades of sitting in the sun, rain, and snow, in one spot has taken a major toll on its once classic goofy looks. Faded and rusted, rotten and decaying... eventually it will be dissolved back to mother earth. I see it sitting there while on a hike with my dog, she's off sniffing out rabbits. I've decided to sniff out the old Edsel. As I slowly stroll around the pathetic old girl, I can't help but think "Restoration is such an expensive hobby". My hand slowly begins to stroke it's rusty and faded surface..."Shame to see you here old girl.... ah, if I were a rich man...." I softly whisper to her. I'm mentally making a list.... Doing a triage' of sorts... We've all seen cars like this. Sitting, abandoned its last owner. Forever left alone to the elements. The back of a field or tucked away, collecting dust in a barn. I always wonder how these automobiles got to their final resting place. What had their lives been like? The classic "If These Cars Could Talk". One thing is for certain: At one point in their lives, they were somebody’s pride and joy. Do you remember how great you felt when you brought home your first "brand new" car?
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and down the sidewalk and or the street. Several times I simply come to a stop and let him pass
me while I search for some sort of parental supervision on one of the porches. Have never once
seen an adult out there watching…. several other young kids, but never an adult.
I just can’t fathom telling my 3 year old still in diapers “Go out front and play.” AND IN THE
STREET NO LESS ! ! !
Those sort of parents have no business raising a kid. Those sort of parents should be publicly
beaten like a rented mule!
Child Abducted – Child Drowns in Family Pool – Child Wonders Off – Child Struck in Busy Street
– Child Dies in Hot Car – and on and on and on. And when it happens, we’re supposed to be all
sad and “what a tragedy!” and “oh the poor parents!”. . . yeah r i t e.
Reminds me of the time when I was on an outback camping trip and while hiking to our camp
spot, our rented pack mule stopped dead on the railroad track refusing to budge. Along comes a
train and the mule still refused to move. BIG leather strap hanging off the saddle… I wasn’t
ABOUT to lose my gear, this mule, or take a chance of de-railing the train. Let’s just leave it atthis: Me and that leather strap convinced that mule to move.
Slacker Parents Need To Be Beaten Like Rented Mules.
What is Art?
Posted at drdansartclinic.com
What is art? A three word question with an almost infinite word answer. In my mind, the first thing
I think of is the old masters, and yeah - the Mona Lisa (love the header design!). But that's not the
right answer. Defining art? You could make a career of it! Look around you... pretty much
everything your eyes fall upon has been on an artist’s drawing board at one time or another. The
coffee mug: wasn't just thrown together and hope for the best - no, some designer most likely had
a vision of what they wanted the final product to look like and sketched it. Then maybe sculpted
one from clay and a mold was made of it. That beautiful picture frame: Some designer sketched
out a rough idea, refined it, and eventually sent it out for production. Graphic Artist, Designers,
Cartoonists, Architects, Dancers, Singers, Song Writers, Poets, Writers of movies and TV shows,
Sculptors, every type of performer you've ever seen - They are all Artist. They take an idea and
manifest it into a tangible product you can see, touch, hear and feel that will illicit some sort of
emotion from all who come in contact with it. . . and this part will blow your mind: Everything in
this world has for an ancestor, an idea. And an "idea" begins as an electrical spark in the human
99 cents. Really?! NOT a dollar, but 99 cents. 95, 98, and 99 cents. WHY MUST RETAILERS DO
THIS?!? The common answer is "Well, they can claim it's -less than 4 dollars, it's $3.99! And it
also registers in our minds that way too, it's less than 4 dollars" I say "BULL SHIT!!!" We
humans, as a group or as individuals, haven't figured this out over the last few decades? Come
on, ROUND IT UP ALREADY! Forget all this nonsense about the cents already!
Just how stupid do retailers think we consumers are? There's even a NINETY NINE CENT
STORE. For cryin' out loud, are you serious?!?! IT'S A FREAKIN' DOLLAR STORE, OK?!?!
YEAH, in my head I thought "WOW, everything in THAT store is LESS than a DOLLAR!!!" What I
really thought was "Everything in that store is a dollar PLUS 7 cents tax on each dollar I
spend..." (Yes, I can do math in my head!) Come on now, think outside the box marketing people
- come up with another way to trick us into buying your product... the 99 cent thing is a dead
horse, and has been for decades.
Crossword Puzzles
I've always considered crossword puzzles to be bubble gum for the brain. They are published in
pretty much every newspaper, every single day of the week. The New York World newspaper
published the very first crossword puzzle way back in 1912 or 13 I think. Waiting for a bus or a
plane? Go buy a paper and do the crossword - great fun. I believe the humble crossword puzzle
gave birth to word jumbles, word searches and those oh so hard cryptic crossword puzzles. Then
of course there's the ever popular board game Scrabble which is based on the crossword puzzle.
It’s a great way to keep your vocabulary skills nice and sharp. I love crossword puzzles! In the
same section of the paper (at least in mine) the puzzles with 'Increase Your Vocabulary'. I find it
very...very...very...good.
Life After Death
"Do you believe in life after death?" If you answered yes, then what we're experiencing right nowisn't it. What we're experiencing right now is a temporary earthly and flesh existences where we
gain knowledge and wisdom we will use in the next realm of existence. This I learned from my
surrogate mother, Aunt Peggy.
She was terminally ill with emphysema. My wife and I moved her out of the nursing home she
was in and into our house. “When she dies, it won't be in that place - it'll be with people she
knows and loves.”, this was our thinking. My employer allowed me as much time off as I needed.
For the next 3 weeks I basically never left her side. We converted our living room into her room.
We watched TV, I read to her, and we talked about all sorts of topics. One in particular was "What
is Heaven Going to be Like?" And many times she told me "If it's allowed, I will come back and
give you a sign of some sort that I am here".
2 months after she had passed on...
It was late at night and my wife kissed me good night. I was staying up late since it was a Friday
and there was some good stuff coming up on TV. The only light on in the house was there in the
living room, a side lamp and the TV's glow. My wife had been in bed a little over an hour. In the
short hallway between the living room and the dining room was the door to our laundry room. The
laundry room door had a very distinctive sound when it was opened. It was air tight and had a
wooshing sound when you opened it. The light switch to this room was around the corner in the
dining room, not in the laundry room at all. The laundry room also had an exit door to the outside.It was a very sticky and hard door to open and if you weren't familiar with its goofy combination,
you wouldn't be able to open it. So there is the set up to this ghost story.
It's after midnight and I'm sitting watch TV. I hear the swoosh of the laundry door opening. I turn
and look, I see the light come on. I pay no attention, figuring my wife couldn't sleep she'd gotten
up and was going to do some laundry. After 30 seconds or so I hear no washing machine start, I
hear nothing. I get up to investigate what the heck my wife is up to. Laundry room is empty. I
check the exit door, still locked. I walk back to the bedroom to check, there's my wife sound
asleep on our water bed. She is surrounded by our three cats, all are fast asleep and the water bed is completely motionless. An alarm goes off in my head - we have an intruder! I grab my
pistol from next to the bed and call out to my wife "Debbie, get up! We have an intruder in the
house!"
She leaps out of bed all wide eyed and she too grabs her pistol. The two of us sweep every inch
of our single story house. She and I had been out to dinner that night. I'm thinking, when we got
home we surprised a burglar and he hid in one of our spare rooms waiting for a chance to sneak
out. But no. All doors and windows were secure. House was clean. Then, standing in the living
room, we noticed it. The laundry room light was ON, but the switch was in the OFF position. My
wife walks over and flips the switch on, the light stayed on. Then she switched it to the OFF
position and the light went off. . . wow. We both felt the goose bumps come up on our skin...
"Do you think this was Aunt Peggy sending the sign she talked about?" my wife asked.
"That's the only thing I can think of...." I answered. We stood there completely silent, pondering
the possibilities. I felt a very cool breeze begin at my feet and begin to swirl up and around me. I
shut my eyes and tried to focus my thoughts on Aunt Peggy. It lasted no more that 15 seconds
and I opened my eyes to see the same thing begin with my wife. She opened her eyes and we
both fell into each other’s arms and began to cry. Not sad tears, but happy ones . . . message
received.
For the Love of Boating
For as long as I can remember, I've been a boat guy. Oddly enough, my 5 years in the U.S. Navy
- I was never stationed on a boat - go figure. But still. . . I just love being on the water. Wooden
Boats?!? I've never owned one of those. I've wanted to, but they just require so much TLC for
maintenance. I'm a lazy boat owner. I'd much rather enjoy my boat (a 28' pontoon) and when
done simply hose it off. Don't get me wrong here, I LOVE wooden boats. They’re just not
something I'd wanna own.
Anybody who's ever owned a boat has heard the funny old saying "The happiest day of your life
is when you buy your boat...the second happiest day of your life is when you sell it." It’s funny, but
not true. In the last 25 years I've never been without a boat. I can't imagine not being a boat
owner. The saddest thing I think I ever cast my eyes upon is a boat that's been sitting for years,
never used and rotting away.
Doing My Part for a Greener Planet
Here's one of the things I'm doing to save water. At night, when nature calls, I pee in my back
yard. On any given night, I do this 8 - 10 times. My wife HATES it. She claims it to be completely
vulgar. It's OK for my two dogs to pee in the backyard, but if I do it, it's vulgar?! It's not like I'm
doing it where people might walk or see or anything. It's a section off the side of our patio where
nobody goes - well, except for me.
Two gallons of water to flush a half a cup of pee?! That's crazy! I have a nice, grassy beautifulbackyard. Nobody can see what I'm doing; it's all nice and discrete. Doesn't kill any grass. . .
what's the big deal?! Let's do the math: I pee 10 times a night in my back yard. Had I done it in
my toilet, I'd have used 20 gallons of water to dispose of 5 cups of pee. In a years’ time I've saved
7,300 gallons of water!!! That's more water then what's in my swimming pool!
THAT is a lot of water! (and I saved it!).
You ladies can join in on this water saving idea, check out this product: www.go-girl.com
a dry sandy wash, looking for one of our puppies I saw come this way. Molly was the horse I was
riding and she's a champion barrel racer. When I heard the shout to "get her" I spun Molly in a
tight circle there in the sandy river bottom. That's when I saw them, 2 Mexican men running down
the side of the embankment at me. I spun Molly in the opposite direction and gave her the "Full
speed ahead" nudge. She shot up the other side of the bank like a rocket only to be met at the
top by a third Mexican. He grabbed Molly by the reins as we topped the embankment. Molly was
at full torque and the Mexican was thrown about ten feet. Molly lost her footing and stumbled to a
stop almost throwing me. We got our balance back just when the thrown man was about to grab
her again. I grabbed my lasso, swung it high and came down as hard as I could and hit the son-
of-a-bitch in the side of the head and face. The other two were coming up the embankment as
their amigo let out a scream. Once again, the Full Speed Ahead nudge and we were outa there in
a cloud of dust!
Molly and I were back on our own property in 30 seconds and coming to a stop at the main housein another 30 seconds.
All who work for us (there are 9 of us all together) work with side arms within reach. I had a 9mm
automatic on my hip but didn't have time to use it. My husband Nathan and 2 of our hired hands
were on horses and back out looking for the 3 ambushers within minutes. I went inside and called
the border patrol. They were there in 10 min. They found nobody after a 2 hour search. Sunset
came, they left. Me, Nathan and the boys went to town for dinner. Hey, all in a day’s work right?
Let me toss out some hypothetical questions. What were these 3 Mexicans willing to do had they
gotten me off my horse? What would have happened had I shot and killed all three? Would thenews outlets have run the story of the ranchers wife who was raped and murdered? You KNOW
they would have run the story of the ranchers wife who shot and killed three poor, innocent,
undocumented workers simply looking for a drink of water.
This is simply unacceptable! It's 2010 for cryin' out loud. I have to work my ranch armed?!?! Keep
dragging your feet on this HUGE problem Mr. President. You've got HUNDREDS of ranchers and
ranch workers ready to go Old School Wild West down here. Keep ignoring it and poor, innocent,
undocumented workers are gonna turn up missing.
Making Money with a Yard Sale
How to make a serious ball of cash. Yard Sale. But don't call it a yard sale, call it an "Estate
Sale", it sounds better. It rings of "Somebody died and we don't want this stuff anymore."
(Serious! More people will stop.) When going through your house, here are some of the criteria to
use: "The Year of Non Use". If you haven't worn it in over a year, sell it. Non worn shoes - sell
em'! Items from your garage you've not used in over a year - sell. Kitchen gadgets and utensils
you've not used in over a year - SELL. SERIOUSLY. People get so attached to the stupidest
things. Some gizmo that's been in the very back of the bottom cabinet for five years gathering
dust, and it gets pulled out for a yard sale. Some husband or wife will come along and get all
misty eyed over the thought of selling it. GET OVER IT. Sell it!
The last yard sale my wife and I had: We'd been saying we were going to do it for about three or
four years. We finally did it. We'd been in the current house for 12 years, bought it brand new. Of
course we brought a bunch of our old junk from our old house. Old junk, new junk, we sold it all!
"One mans junk is another mans treasure". as the old saying goes. We spent one weekend
gathering items we wanted to sell and placing them in the garage. (Our cars for the next five days
were parked in the drive way, we needed the space!). And then the next five days we casually
added to our cache of junk. The very next weekend we had our "Estate Sale". Saturday andSunday. When the dust had settled, we had cleared almost $600!!!
For the Love of Motorcycles
I love motorcycles! I sold my last one about eight years ago. Why? Little voice in my head told me
to. In a two week period, I was struck by four birds and had two incredibly close calls with cars.
So I sold it and bought a convertible. Still love em' though! I'm very partial to the low slung
cruisers. A motorcycle that really caught my attention recently was Batman's motorcycle from
"Dark Knight". For all those Batman geeks out there let me clarify that - It's a "Bat-Pod", not a
motorcycle. As cool as it looks, in real life there's no way in hell it could maneuver they way it did
in the movie. Those fat fat fat tires just won't let it do those things, so says physics. I'm pretty sure
that Batman's motorcycle - oops, sorry - Bat-Pod was modeled from a concept bike that Chrysler
put out a few years ago called the Dodge Tomahawk. What a bad-ass bike! Saw one in person at
the Barrett-Jackson car show a few years ago...WOW! The Tomahawk can do what the Bat-Pod
can not do - maneuver effectively. Unfortunately, the Tomahawk had too many issues for
Chrysler to begin full blown production, so it was scraped after only seven being built. The price
tag on those seven was $500,000 each! Some of the stats on this monster: Viper V-10
powerhouse. 0-60 in 2.6 seconds. Estimated top end of 400mph! Yeah, very cool bikes!
Golf Oil Spill
My sister posed the following question to a family group via email....
Today - 5 thousand songs can be stored and listened to on a devise the size of a playing card
and 1/8th of an inch thick! They weigh a couple of ounces, and with the right head phones or
speakers plugged in produce amazing sound quality!
This devise. . . this AMAZING devise - you can take a photo with it, shoot a video with it, find the
answer to any posed question, and place a call to your friend on the other side of the planet! You
can watch television programs and even rent movies to watch on these wonderful little marvels.
AND. . . you can store pretty much every song you've ever heard on the thing! The iPhone. There
are lots of knock offs of the iPhone too.
We as a society (it seems to me) are already taking these amazing multi-media devises for
granted. Just another random devise we use to maintain our lifestyle. We shouldn't though. We
are truly bless to have these little gems in our lives.... those and flat screen HD TV's. I own a 54"
monster - LOVE IT. I remember being a toddler, Saturday morning sitting in front of our black andwhite 16" tube TV eating cereal and watching cartoons. And I remember dad bringing home the
newest technology. . . a COLOR T.V. !!!
Comparing my youth "techno world" with my adult "techno world" - it's like living on another
planet!
Movie Review: Kangaroo Jack
My eight year old was staying home from school with a high fever, and I being the one with the
more flexible schedule stayed home with him. When his DayQwill kicked in he began with the
begging. Begging for a Pay Per View. Kangaroo Jack - it was a MUST SEE from his classmates,
and his pleading and begging did the trick. We rented it. I remember seeing the previews on TV
and didn't think much of it. I thought it was a Roger Rabbit sort of movie, but soon found out it
was nothing of the sort!
Kangaroo Jack - starring: Jerry O'Connell, Anthony Anderson (I love this guy, he's a riot!), Estella
Warren, and Christopher Walken.
Charlie & Louis (O'Connell & Anderson) are lifelong friends. Charlies step dad is a big time
mobster and "lent" his step son the money to open his own hair salon. Step dad Sal (Walken)
pockets all the profits from this salon, leaving Charlie with just a few buck in his pockets. Louis,
he's a player. Always on the cruise for a new scam of some sort that will put him on "easy street".
His scams never work and Louis always seems to get his best friend Charlie involved somehow.
Do you member Jack Lalanne? You know he's STILL alive (and kicking too!) He's 96 years old!
Yeah, Ninety Six! I'm 52 years old. I can remember watching The Jack LaLanne Show as atoddler. I'd do all the exercises along with him with mom watching on and laughing. She told me
as an adult that she had a big crush on Jack LaLanne "Back in those days".
Wow, Jack Lalanne. 96. How'd he get his start?
In 1954 at age 40, he swam the length of the San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge underwater
with 140 pounds of equipment, including two air tanks... an undisputed world record still to this
day! "The Godfather of Fitness".
Remember the other guy from the back of the comic books? Yeah, Charles Atlas. (I think he was
even before Jack Lalanne’s time!)
That ad in the back of the comic books: This ad campaign featuring Atlas's name and likeness
and a short comic. And it has been described as one of the longest-lasting and most memorable
ad campaigns of all time. It's still being run too! Here's how it originally ran...
I'm taking all the credit. It was MY idea, MY practical joke. It was 1977, I was home on leave from
the Navy and was staying with my sister and her two daughters Heather and Danna. Heather was
5 and Danna 3.
First morning there, Danna and I were having breakfast together. Cereal. Danna was telling me
how much she loved her Fruit Loops cereal and asked if I loved them as much as she did. "I do
love them honey, they're wonderful! Ya know all they are is doughnut seeds."
"Doughnut seeds?! Really?!?!" she exclaimed with astonishment.
"Yep, simple as that. Doughnut seeds".
And sure enough after breakfast, Danna takes a handful of Fruit Loops outside. I pretended not to
be paying any attention to her as she hurried out to the back yard. I spied on her as she planted
her seeds. Later on in the day I took a trip to the Home Depot and picked up 3 small plants. 1 was
about 6 inches, the second about 12, and the third being a very small tree seedling.
That night as Danna slept, I planted the six inch. The next morning before breakfast, Danna
rushed outside and I heard "Uncle Harry, uncle Harry, come quick!"Out the back door I rushed and listened to her excited explanation of what she had done.
"Yesterday I planted some Fruit Loops, I mean doughnut seeds, and look. . .!" she said pointing
at the little plant I had planted the night before.
"WOW! Very cool! Maybe we'll have some fresh doughnuts for breakfast before I have to go back
to San Diego, huh?!"
I let 2 nights pass before I replaced the six incher with the twelve inch. And then, the night before
I had to leave, I planted the little sapling and headed for the Dunkin Doughnuts for something to
"harvest".
It was still dark out when I finished loading our little doughnut tree, so I went back to bed. I waswoken very gently by my little niece. She was beaming from ear to ear and holding a platter of
doughnuts. "Look-it Uncle Harry.... the doughnut tree bloomed!"
I've been telling this story for 23 years. Danna's all grown with a teenage daughter. My sister took
the doughnut seed idea and did some arts and crafts stuff with it and eventually posted it on the
internet when the internet was just a baby. Today, if you google "Doughnut Seeds" you'll find
quite a lot of hits. . . I'm taking all the credit. It was MY idea, MY practical joke.
Clunker Cars
We've all seen them. Heck, maybe some of us owned one. . . maybe some of you own one today!
I'm talking about "Clunkers", Junkers, Beaters, P.O.S.'s, Rattle Trap cars. You know the ones:
Looks like it's pushin' 200 thousand miles, 2 shades of primer in ten different places, dents
galore, no hub caps, 4 different color rusty rims, coat hanger antenna, a little or a lot of smoke
rolling up around the sagging ass end. . . yeah, that one.
Made Up Rules: My golfing buddies and I have made up these rules to make the game even
MORE fun. Mulligan’s - They cost $5.00 each. You may purchase only 5 per 18 holes played. All
moneys go into a pool and are claimed by the person in your group with the lowest score that
day.
Bad Tee Shot: If on teeing off your ball goes no further than the woman's tee off line, you must
take your second tee shot with your pants around your ankles. And while we're on this subject,
proper scoring on this shot goes like this: (Mulligan’s withstanding) That first shot you hacked: A
stroke. Bringing it back to have another go at it: A stoke (even though you simply walked over,
picked it up, walked back and set it on the tee again....it's a stroke!). And now you’re sitting Three.
This is your THIRD shot.
If you're going to play the game, learn the rules. (And DON’T tell a person who’s been playing thegame for 30+ years they don’t know what they’re talking about) Plain and simple - Honor,
integrity, character, that's what scoring golf is all about. It's your "word".
Arizona Watermelon
Watermelons. . . EXCEPTIONAL Watermelons: Extremely rare here in Arizona.
They use to be pretty common back in the late 70's and early 80's. The only thing
you can find now in the grocery produce section are the so called "seedless"
ones. They're a little bigger than a cantaloupe, and they usually are on the bland
side. Pretty and red-ish pink when you slice them in half. Take a bite out of the
middle and your heart just sinks... they're bland! They're genetically altered so
the seeds are white and edible. (They’re not really seedless).
I judge a watermelon on a scale of 1 to 10. I can't remember the last time I ate a
10. The highest I've had in the last 4 years is a 7. I grew up in Indiana, the land of
the perfect watermelon. 10's were common. (corn too, but that's another story).My teenage son went back to Indiana for the summer to visit family. He'd never
tasted a perfect 10 watermelon before. Second day there he called home to chat.
I asked him what he had for dinner and he laid out all the stuff his aunt and uncle
One-one was a race horse. Two-two was one too. One-one won one race. Two-two
won one too.
Willy's real rear wheel (3 times fast)
How many cookies could a good cook cook if a good cook could cook cookies?
Black back bat.
I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.
A real rare whale.
Reed Wade Road (3 times fast)
The cat crept into the crypt, crapped and crept out.
License Plate Phrases: You take turns, starting with the driver and working your way
clockwise. The next vehicle you pass, or the next vehicle that passes you, you must take
the letters on the plate and turn them into a phrase or name of some kind. For example -JTU 181. So, JTU. . . "John's Too Ugly". You have five seconds (10 seconds for younger
players who don't have the vocabulary skills of an adult) to utter the phrase or you
receive a punishment point.
Counting American Flags: Your all loaded and ready to pull out of the driveway. Before
you do, a score keeper writes down everybody's names. Everybody buys in to the game
for a set amount. (We usually do 1 dollar per person or sometimes 5) Everybody tells thescore keeper their guess on what the grand total of flags will be by the time you reach
your destination and the game is called finished. Everybody is on the lookout for
American flags in any shape of size or format. As a bumper sticker, a decal, on the side
of a semi, any type at all. This game is also great with 2 or more car full in a caravan or a
bus load of people. Two car loads - when they get to their destination the tally of all
coins spent. . . spent cash.... cash for coffee....Coffee Cup. Game over. We never keep
score on this game, it's just fun to play.
Punishment / Punishment Points: Most of the time you going to need a way to dole
out winnings (usually cash) or punishment to the losers (or big punishment for those
caught cheating - NO CHEATING ! ! ! It's always an honor system when playing Road
Trip Games. Cheaters in MY CAR walk a mile. Yeah, I pull over, "GET OUT CHEATER!
See you in a mile." Then we ease a mile down the road, hit the flashers, and wait. When
the cheater gets back in the car, they are refereed to as "Cheater" for the rest of the trip.
Slug in the arm or thigh - 1 point removed
Slap in the face - 2 points removed
Throat Chop - 3 points removed
Nut Punch - 3 points removed.
Eating or drinking a gross product - 1 point removed
Walking a mile - 3 points removed
Running a mile - 6 points removed
Bitch Slap - 1 point removed
Trivia: Another road trip classic. One of our favorites. When you're with kids, this game
is also brain builder. How? Use as your questions things they have learned (or should
have learned) in school. "Who was the first president of the United States?" or "I have 3quarters, a nickel, 2 dimes and 3 pennies - how much money do I have?" or "What's the
capitol of Texas?". . . you get the idea. We also love the category of Family Trivia.
"What's dad's middle name?" "What's mom's birthday?" "What city did grandma and
grandpa first meet in?". You know, stuff that's specific to your family. Simple. Keep
Hey How Are Ya?!!!: Fits of laughter usually ensues during this game. Simple game.
Agree on who your next victim should be. "Next person walking a dog", or "Next kid with
their pants sagging down like an idiot" or, on a 'pedestrians are rare day' "The very next
pedestrian we see..."
Honk your horn and everybody excitedly smiles and waves. BIG smiles, BIG wild waves.
Everybody guesses whether or not the person waves back. Wave back, score a point.
No wave back, no point. Everybody guesses how many wave backs will happen before
the game starts. (We usually play best out of ten) Closest wins.
Variation:
Hey You're That Ass Hole!!!: Same game as above, but instead of smiling and waving,
you're flipping them off and tossing a mean and nasty look their way. Caution: NEVER
play this game with a person in another car. . . who can chase you down. . .and beat
your ass. <"HEY, you ARE that ass hole!">
Rattle Them Pots And Pans – update.
It’s been 4 weeks now. I’ve dropped 12 pounds and feel better than I have in years. Most
importantly I’m sleeping so much better. Hitting the gym every other night and once on
the weekends. A one hour workouts with 40 minutes of pumping iron and 20 minutes of
cardio (stationary bike riding) have my muscles toning up nicely and the weight seems tobe coming off in all the right places. My wife Debbie is right there with me and I believe
this is one of the secrets to our success so far – Having a partner for your exercise!
Eating right is also a huge factor. WE LOVE FOOD! Unfortunately, the food we love is
responsible for the way we ended up. Not completely, but for the most part yeah. So, I’m
on the cruise for “Food that doesn’t suck.”
It would be foolish and even dangerous for me to prescribe which diet is right for you
here at Rattle Them Pots And Pans. The purpose of this blog is to help you find andprepare awesome foods that fit into the diet your health professionals have already
prescribed . It is your job to choose the recipes compatible with your needs. It is my
deepest hope that these recipes will help you realize there is still pleasure to be found in
eating and that limitations do not need to mean liabilities or deficits. You are now a
member of that group of people who have the healthiest diets of anyone in the