GUUi October 2010

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GUUi

columns | sport | music | lm | current affairs

Issue 14 October 2010125 Anniversary Issue


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contentsEditorial

Hello there one and all. I hope youare enjoying the new academicyear and have not been feeling dis-

appointed by the delay in the pub-lication of the new GUUi.

This issue is a special one, not onlydoes it place a special emphasison the nest of spirits, the singlemalt whisky, it also commemo-rates the 125th anniversary of theGlasgow University Union. Thatsright folks, your favourite Union is125 years old. And just an interest-

ing fact, so is Tennents! Just takea wee gander at page six if youdlike to see the best advertisementsince that Skoda one with the carmade out of cake.

Also, this issue is launching a brand new sports page. This ex-clusive page allows GUSA to pub-lish news and results right here inthe GUUi. Just skip to the back if

youre interested in nding outhow the Hockey girls got on.

Finally, dont forget that Octoberis also Halloween. Our Ten HourHalloween Hive takes place onFriday 29th October and is sure to be a monstrous event (see what Idid there?).

Ross CookConvenor of Libraries

Convenor of LibrariesEditor in ChiefRoss Cook

Sub EditorGregor Muir

ContributingWritersCurrent Affairs - Joe Fitzgibbon

Film - Natalie JackMusic - Cameron GriegColumnist- Orla McGowanColumnist- Gregor Muir

Cartoonist- Joseph BucklowNicola ArmstrongMichael GrayHollie Jones

If youd like to contribute to theGUUi in any way; editorially,writing or photography e-mail: [email protected]

The opinions expressed in thispublication do not representthose of the GlasgowUniversity Union.

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The Board - Chris Sibbald says a few words.

Whats On - Glasgow and the GUU this month.

Comment - Cycle for Cody.Column - Orla McGowan on hair cuts.

Column - Gregor Muir on cooking.

Feature -A Whisky Tasting...

Comment - The secret world of booze.

Politics -

Film - The Back-Up Plan and Life as we Know it.

Music - Black Mountain and Tweak Bird.

Current Affairs - Mimimum Pricing.

Sports Page - GUSA Report and Results.


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Good morning, afternoon and evening.

Welcome, to what I believe, is the best issue of the GUUi yet. I am biased due to my love of the single malt; but none-

theless, the quality of the magazine is getting better each month.

I hope all those new to Glasgow University had a tremendous Freshers Week, it was one of the best-ever in terms of

freshers and events on campus. We at Glasgow University Union were particularly pleased with how it went.

There is lots more to do this semester. Every week, we have a host of events which run: Beer Bar Quiz on Mondays,

speaker training on a Tuesday and Open Mic on a Friday; as well as many, many more.

At the end of this month, Glasgow University Union is holding a dinner in celebration of its 125th anniversary. We

have 190 guests attending, including the majority of the Unions celebrated alumni: Charles Kennedy, Sir Ming

Campbell, Lord Jimmy Gordon and Andrew Neil. I am condent that it is going to be an outstanding success.

Also, at the end of this semester we will have our end of term Christmas ball D*** F*****. This is a 12 hour event

and the theme remains a secret until you walk through the doors! Make sure you get a ticket early to avoid disap-

pointment.

I hope you have an excellent remainder of term and enjoy your whisky!

Yours with a dash of nutmeg,

Chris Sibbald

The Honorary Secretary

Glasgow University Union

The Board


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Whether you fancy a quiet, civilized night socializing with your mates, a loud, messy night socializing with people

youve probably only just met, or you just want to show off your mean cue skills, the Union has something to offer

you every day of the week this October.

On Mondays weve got the Beer Bar Quiz at 8pm, where the entirely useless information you absorb in place of your lecturenotes will nally come in handy. Bring your pals and put your heads together for the chance to win a selection of great prizes.

On Tuesday, those of you who want to see why the GUU is the most successful debating Union in the world can come and

practise your talents at Speaker Training in the Bridie Library at 6pm. Wednesday plays host to the Snooker Competition in

the Billiard Hall at 7pm, with booze and table time to be won. Also remember to get down early to sign up for the immensely

popular weekly Poker Tournaments at 7pm in the Bridie Library.

Then it goes without saying (but Ill say it anyway), Thursday night IS Hive. On Friday try your hand at the GUU Pool Compe-

tition before heading down to Open Mic in Deep 6 to witness some of the amazing talent your peers have to offer, or if youre

feeling brave enough then get on that stage and show us what youve got. On Saturday, because we just know one Hive night

isnt enough for you, Hive Extra will give you another chance for an unforgettable night, and with Wheel of Fortune at 10pm

in Deep 6 theres really no other place to spend your night. And last but not least, Halloween means one thing and one thing

only Ten Hour Halloween Hive on the 29th. If youre anywhere near as excited as me youll already have your costume

ready!

Whats On

Another busy month in Glasgow is underway, kicking off with a 5-star reviewed multi-million pound project - Doc-

tor Who Live. Oh. Em. Gee. The tour started this week and arrives in Glasgows SECC on the 14th, 15th and 16th.

Some of you may unfortunately miss the last show, however, due to the Arches very own Death Disco on the same

night. But lets be honest, no one over the age of 12 actually likes Doctor Who. This months Death Disco sees Erol Alkan take

to the decks for what promises to be an amazing night. Be at the Arches for doors opening at 11pm as queuing is standard and

expect to pay 14 a ticket (totally worth it), or get your hands on half price ones by signing up to Death Discos mailing list

on the website.

In terms of live music, we have The Red Hot Chilli Pipers at the Oran Mor for an intimate album launch party on the 18th and

Plan B, The Black Keys and Ellie Goulding playing The O2 Academy later in the month. Not all on the same night. Obviously.

Nonetheless, tickets are available on The Academys website.

Also on in the big city for a whole month, starting on the 14th, is Glasgay!, Scotlands annual festival dedicated to celebrating

queer culture. Glasgay!s events span every crevice of entertainment form from contemporary dance shows to er...traditional

dance shows. Oh, and theatre and music and other nice things. Award winning (and recurring Mock the Week guest) come-

dienne Zoe Lyons will be at The Stand on the 17th if you fancy some gay-friendly gags. Visit glasgay.co.uk for full event list-

ings.

This month in Glasgow

This month at the GUU


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Comment

The best way to say the word charity is to pretend

that you are Elvis Presley and, while using a faux-

American accent, say charity. There now, wasnt

that fun? Now, from the ridiculous to the sublime. Not

only have you had a fun time bending your face into weird

shapes and laughing at your awful accent, you have also

captured how best to deal with the subject of charity; its

a fun thing to consider and to be involved with. Added to

this is the chance to cuddle your conscience and say I luv

ya man! Youre great! So, keep that fun in mind while I lay

my cards on the table.

Cody is six years old but is not expect-ed to see his way to teenage years. Yourhelp is definitely needed, now, so thathis remaining years are as happy and

fulfilled as possible.

My pitch here concerns a young boy, Cody, who, despite the

challenges of severe physical disability, deafness, epilepsy

and a host of other complaints that would cause you and I

to crawl away and give up, is laughing and smiling his way

through life. My God! I hear you cry, How does he do it?

Simple, really: he is six years old and he has never known

anything different.

Some may think, Why should I care, specically, about thisboy? What could I do to alleviate his suffering, or make his

life better? Heres how: as the inestimable Sir Bob Geldof

once said, Give me your fucking money! And this is where

I come in; not necessarily, to repeat what Sir Bob said (al-

though, I support his sentiment), but to help Codys Mum,

Lindsey, who is a friend of mind here at the university. Ive

made it my primary aim this semester to help her raise

funds for Cody, so that she can maintain and also enhance

Codys quality of life: a specially-adapted tricycle (5000);

an adapted back yard swing (1000); tactile toys and equip-ment (300). Merely a few examples. Dont Social Services

deal with that sort of thing? I hear you ask. Yes, they do,

but in a very limited capacity and thats why I want to do

more, and why I would like you to join in, please. Now

heres the hook: Cody is six years old but is not expected to

see his way to teenage years. Your help is denitely needed,

now, so that his remaining years are as happy and fullled

as possible.

The way I hope to get your help is through sponsorship for

my Cycle for Cody charity event, taking place on Sunday

31st October. I will be cycling from Bowling, at the start of

the Forth & Clyde canal, to Edinburgh, at the end of the

Union canal. Ooh, me frigging onions! Digging deep and

giving loads if the preferable route I would like you to take

(I shall, of course, be leading by example), but I am a prag-

matic man: I know you have many distractions and drawson limited funds; even 50p, or 1, will make a difference.

I also hope to make use of matched-funding and Gift Aid,

so that 1 will deliver 2+. Doesnt that strike you as a great

use of your 1? Its less that the cost of a vodka at the Beer

Bar! So, please, Give me your fucking money!

If you wish to donate, please check out Cycle for Cody on

Facebook and make a pledge, track me down on Facebook

and make a pledge, or email me at [email protected] to make a pledge. I thank you.

- Mark McCahill

Cycle for CodyA charity cycle from Glasgow to Edinburgh.


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Column

chocolate wouldnt go amiss, Im not here to be told that

this bush Ive been sporting could be used to soak up ood

water in the middle east.

I was kind of drifting in and out of a good day dream, like

only students can, mindlessly watching THE Paul Stafford

trimming away in the next station. I tell you, my heart near-

ly stopped! It was a full-blown celebrity citing, well as close

to a citing a Belfast celebrity is to the real thing, and here I

was like some chump getting my hair cut by Tracey when I

could be getting the Paul Stafford Experience, probably for

only a mere 100- bargain and a half if you ask me.

While this was taking place, I hadnt noticed Tracey get-

ting a bit snip happy in the back, because before I knew it I

was exiting with a face full of trimming and a bob, staring

longingly at the massive pile of chocolate coloured,chocolate smelling locks on the f l o o r ,

they were looking longing up to me and

saying Hey, I thought we were gett ing

on really well. Sure, we were a bit

rough around the edges, but

we kept your head warm

and offered comfort in stress-

ful times. There was no

better batch of hair that us

when it came to mindlesslywrapping it around your

nger in a seductive

manner to catch the

eye of passing gen-

tlemen. Sob sob.

And so, the love

affair that was me

and my long hair

is over.

- Orla McGowan

Ihave just arrived back from my annual trip to the hair-

dressers, a visit that is denitely in my top ve things

that I hate to do, its up there with sitting exams, fu-

nerals and turkey. To say I am annoyed doesnt even be-

gin to describe the rage that I can feel bubbling away in me

like a persistent case of Crabs. I left the house this morning

lled with hope and optimism, the kind of feeling that lls

all young ladies when they set off thinking, Maybe today

will be the day that I will do something ballsy. Im think-

ing peroxide, Im thinking elves. But of course, as soon as

I sit down and catch a glimpse of the do this so-called style

master is sporting I think better of it, and go with a safe two

inches to get rid of the split ends.

Before I have even reached the hair-dressers I have spent

twenty minutes circling around trying to nd a bloody

parking space. There was fecking students swaning acrossthe road, where there is no pedestrian crossing might I add,

thinking they own the show. I think if I had actually hit one,

Im sure the police would have given me as pass, they know

the pain of needing to be somewhere in a hurry and not

being about to nd a parking space, I mean this was a hair

emergency! So after a few near manslaughter missed, and

one curb/tire incident I nally found a space, so I parked it

up Im ashamed to say about two foot away from the curb

like only woman drivers can manage and bombed up the

road, because of course I was now parked about two mileaway from where I wanted to be.

I had quite a fun game of musical chairs, while Tracey tried to

nd the right light, then the right sink, then the right brush,

the list goes on. So I stated my vision and we got off to a

swimming start. The banter was owing, we were laughing

and bonding and what not. I got the usual Straighten your

hair much do you? Just from time to time [actually what I

meant was: Any minute that is not spent straightening my

hair is time wasted] Yeah you can tell, its like a desertback here. Ok Tracey, not cool. Im essentially paying for

compliments, a few God your hair looks and smells like

Orla McGowan on...

Hair today, gone tomorrow.


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Column

Iam adamant that cooking is something that is inherently

straightforward. Take food, apply heat, consume. Piece of

cake. People that claim they cant cook, subsequently, I

nd difcult to believe. What can really go wrong? Well, Ill

tell you.

Sure, something that requires a certain degree of skill has plen-ty of room to go wrong, such as a souf, or any other ed-

ible delight with recipe instructions more complicated than

Boil kettle, then pour water over dried noodle product.

In my capacity as a student, then, Ive made my fair share

of simple meals, with little-to-no incident. Perhaps I

got cocky, overcondent in my seeming expertise.

An expertise dedicated to successfully removing

cheap packaging and putting an object in the oven

for a specied amount of time, but expertise none-

theless. I got sloppy. It embarrasses me to admit it,but I was completely bested by the humble pizza.

I imagine many have you have, at one time or an-

other, dealt with a frozen pizza. Ordinarily, the worst

that happens is perhaps ending up with it a bit crispy

round the edges. Nothing thatll ruin your day. The

incident in question ruined my week frankly. Please

bear in mind that I had already spent a tough day

(an hour or so) in university, and was very hungry, the

sort of hunger that would be sated perfectly by a pizza.Now, the cooking process itself all began reasonably

straightforwardly; I was satised with the spread of the

toppings, the pizza slid smoothly onto the centre rack

in the oven, and the smell after a few minutes had me

salivating like a Pavlovian puppy. Frankly, if anything,

I found it a touch unchallenging. Perhaps it was karma

having its way to mock my condence, who knows, but

the retrieval part of the process was where it all went

wrong.

Wrong doesnt really quite cover it in actuality. The

way I accidentally treated this pizza, it must have thought it

had caused me great offence in a previous life. Using one

of the close-at-hand plastic chopping boards (a rookie

mistake, it was the thin plastic than bends if you are not

holding it perfectly), I slid out the pizza with an oven

glove, the other gloved hand holding the board. With

pizza seemingly secured, I swung the oven door closed

with my free, albeit still oven-gloved hand. This os-tensibly innocuous action caused a fractional re-

linquish of grip in my other hand. And the board

began to bend.

I dont think Im exaggerating to say everything

immediately went into slow motion. Sadly, that

also included my hands. In theory, the pizza

(scalding hot, mind) could have been caught

by my right hand. In practice, my right hand

managed to reach the pizza just after theoptimum time, and travelling at, frankly, a

completely unhelpful velocity. I dont know

if any of you have ever slammed a pizza

into an oven door before, but just in case you

havent, its an absolute nightmare. The top-

ping scraped against the handle, covering it in

stringy cheese. The oven gloves were similarly

aficted. The pizza eventually landed top-

ping side down on the kitchen oor, although

it was less of an issue given the fact the top-ping was now in fact decorating the front of

the oven. I tried to catch some of the cheese to

rescue it and put it back on the base. It burned

my hand. I then dropped the board completely,

and it did its best to make sure the pizza base was

thoroughly attened against the oorboards. I have

seldom sworn so loudly. Just for the record, I was so

hungry that I did actually brush off the now plain

pizza base, weep for a moment, and then tuck in.

Financial expedience is my middle name (s). Chef,

apparently, is not

- Gregor Muir

The misadventures of

Mr. Gregor Muir


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Feature

There are a few ground-rules that must be adhered to

before reading any further. First, the reader must be

wearing a smoking jacket. Second, the reader must

possess an ample but not crude quantity of snuff. Third,

when smoking, the reader must accept nothing less than the

girth of a Churchill. Fourth, the reader must not worry about

money worrying is for the nouveau riche. Fifth and nally,

the reader must walk with a cane.

Now, to the point; 125 years ago, a group of ne gentlemen

stood on Gilmorehill and decided that it would be appro-

priate to build a union, in which they could eat and drink.

Therefore, in 1885, Glasgow University Union was founded

and in 1889, the building-work completed.

It is now 2010 125 years since the unions inception and

many ne gentlemen continue to use Glasgow University

Union as a home for drinking, snorting and being naughty. It

was proposed to me by my dear friend, Lord Higgingbottom

of Guernsey, that the two of us embrace in a night of preten-

tious drinking. I immediately thought that this debauchery

sounded rather good fun and one ought to accept the Lord-ships invitation.

In order to give a varied sample of whiskies from around the

Kingdom of Scotland, we chose the following: Glenkinchie

12, Dalwhinnie 19 Distillers Edition, Old Pulteney 17, Caol

Ila 12 and to nish, a bottle of Instant Love from the Scotch

Malt Whisky Society one will elaborate as your eyes move

on

To set the scene: it is a Sunday evening; Lord Higgingbot-tom and I are sitting on a catholically coloured Chestereld

in the Bridie Library and all seems rather pleasant. We de-

cide to begin, as one would walk in the lowlands. Interest-

ingly, only three lowland distilleries continue to operate in

Scotland, one of which is Glenkinchie. This distillery resides

15 miles outside of Edinburgh, in the hills Pencaitland. It is

commonly referred to as the Edinburgh Malt.

On the nose, it brings out a woody and light tone. It does not

come across in looks or smell, as being particularly strong or

complex. The Lordship raised his fear that it may be a rather

common whisky; that is to say, a little too simple. Nonethe-

less, a tasting of it ensued and my word, were we pleased

with what dropped onto our lips.

Oil-like texture burst into our mouths, reminiscent of Ed-

wardian sexual enthusiasm. I was distinctly reminded of a

sweety taste, which was desperately good at the back of

the mouth; I urged it to have an exquisite after-taste. Indeed,

Higgingbottom said the creamy movement was indicative

of the region; no smoke or peat, just ow I couldnt help

but agree. We had conquered the lowlands.

To the Highlands!, I hear you say. An area,

with a true distinction in whisky: the Dal-

whinnie 1991 Distillers Edition. On the nose,

it is signicantly more imposing than the

Glenkinchie; scenes of nuts (hazelnut and

almond) come through, as well as a hint of

fruit. It is a whisky with a lot of personal-ity and strong in character; it was proud

to stand up and be recognised for what it

was. However, one must not get too car-

ried away, the taste must prove itself to

be equally adequate.

The Dalwhinnie is a dry whisky, with

a strong taste of ash on the front of

the tongue. It is particularly good;

but loses its character in the after-taste. It disappears rather rudely by

the time it reaches your throat; and

quite frankly, I appreciate a gran-

diose goodbye! The Dalwhinnie just

lacks something. Its not quite there.

Good effort but brought down as a result

of the poor after-taste.

A Whisky Tasting Session


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Feature

With a twirl and a pop, the new bottle of Old Pulteney 17 was

open - I was eager not to be disappointed!

Lord Higgingbottom, a retired poet, has spent many a year

travelling around this ne Kingdom and happened to dis-

cover Wick, the location of this Old Pulteney distillery. It is

commonly referred to as the Maritime Malt, although it is

still classed as a Highland whisky.

The 12 year old Old Pulteney is renowned for its sea salt

tones; the 17 year old, however, is a different adventure. On

the nose it is strong and fresh. It is quite invigorating for a

man who is beginning to feel a little merry after several

drams. It reminded me of a candy store, lots of

sweet avoursome tastes.

Onto the drinking. It is smooth; it is warm-

ing. It ows like a wave over the tongue; as

a maritime malt should. For want of a bet-

ter word, it has a cakey texture. Imagine

drinking a Victoria sponge. One must not

become a snob when it comes to whisky; but this is whisky that can only be ap-

preciated by the few that understand it.

It resembles what a whisky should. It

changes and transforms. It is not one-

dimensional or static. The 17 year old

is breathtaking. It is undoubtedly a

thumbs up from the panel.

The penultimate whisky: it is a

daunting challenge for the author,as it means venturing on the Isle of

Islay. In the standard life of a gen-

tleman, one does not expect dramat-

ic upheaval or anything out of the or-

dinary. Occasions in the past that have

led to many a man feeling discomforted:

the Great War; the opposite sex getting the

vote and the introduction of paternity leave! Therefore,

breaching into the smoky lands of Islay is not a challenge

that should be scoffed at. It is difcult.

Caol Ila malts are distilled in American Oak casks and this

resonates through the nose. It is a powerful sensation; it

smells of burning wood and re. It terries the drinker into

thinking that an explosion is going to occur when it is drunk.

Soft tear drops began falling onto the diamond encrusted

belly of Lord Higgingbottom, as the prospect of drinking the

Islay malt became true Yet, something strange occurred. It

tasted, oddly, good. Subtle, oily, drinkable.

One would recommend it after dinner, with a cigar. It is for

the obvious among the slow; it is not a whisky for the com-

plex among the intellectuals.

Lastly we move onto the climax of our evening; the shudder

in our purity. The Scotch Malt Whisky Society is a members

club in Edinburgh that distils and brands its own whisky.

The society encourages the development of taste and ap-

preciation. Our nal bottle for the evening was bought forme by my best friends and resembles that very relationship:

Instant Love.

It has a strong nose, with melon and fruit prominent. The

smell gives away the strength. But where does the love

come in, I hear you ask? Well, I shall tell you. If the whisky

is anything, it is a winter malt. It has the warmth of associa-

tion and kindness. Its love comes through in its mirage of

avours. There is no over-riding smoke or peat; it is simply

a magnicent whisky. I would recommend it; but to get themost out of it, it must be shared with people that one loves.

This was a rather enjoyable evening. I do hope that everyone

begins to drink or continue to enjoy the delight of whisky.

There is a terric whisky society that meets in the Bridie Li-

brary every second Sunday. Please join. I am but an old Life

Member. - Sir Trunkington Smythe III

With Trunkington Smythe


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Comment

A

fter writing this article I am probably going to be

forthwith shunned by the majority of the student

population as I am about to suggest sometime

that is going to shock and appal you all. Brace yourself:

alcohol has other uses besides drinking it.

In the spirit (no pun intended) of this months alcohol themed

issue, I cast my mind back to some of my best and worst

experiences with alcohol. Unfortunately I dont remember

my best ones, and luckily I dont remember my worst ones,

but one familiar encounter weve all had with our favourite

beverage is the morning after. No, Im not talking about

the banging hangover. Im talking about dragging your-

self out of your bed and right into the debris

from the night before. Picture the scene, your

at is littered with half empty tins of beer,

dregs of paint-stripper quality vodka and the

standard randomer passed out on your sofa.

Once youve hustled the bewildered crasher

out the door youre left with a lot of warm,

at leftovers that even Amy Winehouse will

turn her nose up at. It would be a shame to

waste such a precious student commodity so

I present to you a comprehensive list of things you can dowith alcohol other than down it

Beer: Sure, beer can leave you with a pretty impressive

belly, but it can also leave you with a pretty banging bar-

net. Massage beer into your hair after shampooing, leave

for ve minutes and then rinse well with lukewarm water.

The chemical properties in beer help to keep hair manage-

able and full of body. Or another cosmetic use of beer is to

pour two to three cups into your bath water. Beer contains

yeast which is great for softening the skin. And did youknow that beer can make you unconscious in more way

than one? Beer has a nutty smell which has been shown

to help insomniacs just wash your pillowcases in beer for

a better nights sleep. And nally if youre out of furniture

polish just lightly dampen a cloth with at beer and buff up

the wooden surfaces in your pad.

Vodka: If youre a bit of a laundry-phobe and prefer to wear

clothes as much as possible before having to go through the

tiresome washing routine, then keep your clothes smelling

fresh for longer by spritzing your clothes with vodka and

hanging them to dry in a well-ventilated area. Secondly,

although vodka kills brain cells, it also helps keep owers

alive. Add a few drops of vodka and a teaspoon of sugar

to the water in your ower vase to keep your owers fresh

longer. Change out the mixture with fresh in-

gredients daily. Even though a bottle of vodka

will attract most impoverished students from

miles around it has the opposite effect on the

midges of the world. Fill a spray bottle and ei-

ther squirt it on the little buggers or on your-

self as a repellent. Lastly, if you are like most

students I know youll no doubt have some

attractive mould growth on your windowsills.

No problem, just spritz on some vodka, let sit

for 15 minutes and scrub away with an old toothbrush (pref-erably not your atmates).

Whisky: Whisky can be used to clean your windows, just

mix it with water and spray onto the glass and shine it with

a cloth. It can also be used to clean gold jewellery; soak your

nery in a small amount of whisky then give it a polish for

bling that will dazzle even P Diddy.

So next time youre about to throw away that half-full can of

Tennents that someones left next to your toilet after a par-ticularly raucous at party, think again, dont you deserve a

bath after a hard nights riot? - Hollie Jones

The secret world of...

Booze!What to do with those half-drunk pints.


13/20

- 12 -GUUi

I

t was good while it lasted. We grew up in the age of

Cool Britannia, effortlessly entertained by Tony Blairs

grin. The sun shone and the economy bounced along

like a happy child. Life was good. Then the child fell at on

his face. It turns out that we cant live happily on property

prices, banking bets or Britpop.

It seems like only yesterday that mournful Northern Rock

customers were politely queuing in light-hearted despair

outside those large empty piggy banks - ending our idyllic

age. Yet it was three years ago that this nostalgia ended. We

are now engulfed in an unavoidable tragedy: the ramica-

tions of the banking bankruptcy.

Its easy at this time of writing to attempt a brave face - I

am unaware of the full scale of our collective debt disaster.

VAT is up in the new year, Child Benet is no longer univer-

sal and Ive cleaned my windows with a sponge - all in the

name of mini-austerity.

This is only the beginning. By the sense of fear awaiting

George Osbornes spending announcement on the 20th of

October - which will represent the main course of cuts - it

seems as if society is about to be swallowed up and chewedinto little pieces. Weve got no money. No one is quite sure

where it went. And whether to shrug or moan is, as ever, the

inspiring contribution of many.

I sincerely hope well avoid starvation and suicide as a re-

sult of all this bad news: one can never be quite sure how

bad an appointment at the dentist is until youve been.

There is, however, a rather rotty oral sensation surrounding

this economic check up. Firstly, those in power - both labour

and tory - have been pulling out the warning phrases fora while. Cuts tougher than Thatcher said Alistair Darling

on Labour plans. Alan Johnston then ironically described

Politics

the Tory cuts as worse than Thatcher. So on the horrible

Thatcher scale it looks grim.

But what does this mean? Billions of pounds re-appearing

and disappearing Blah, blah, blah. Well public services

wont starve, but theyll struggle and suffer. Transport, De-

fence, Policing, Welfare, and crucially Education, will likely

be turned upside down and sliced up. It wont all be bad.

Spending billions on weapons or for mass benet entrap-

ment has long been questioned - and will change. However,

most cuts will certainly be distressing and divisive.

The outcome of Lord Brownes report into Universities is

likely to recommend higher fees and more debt for Eng-

lish students. The incompetence of successive British Gov-

ernments, and of the nancial system itself, is set to take a

heavy toll on students.

There is, however, a rather rotty oralsensation surrounding this economiccheck up. Firstly, those in power bothlabour and tory have been pulling outthe warning phrases for a while. Cuts

tougher than Thatcher said AlistairDarling on Labour plans. Alan John-ston then ironically described the Torycuts as worse than Thatcher. So on thehorrible Thatcher scale it looks grim.

The feel good factor of Cool Britannia is long gone. This is

a new, apprehensive era. Sarah Dunant, commenting on

student funding, said this could be a seismic political mo-

ment...politicians have spent so much time hand-wringing

over the political apathy of youth. But this may be the mo-ment when that changes. Revulsion, reform or revolution:

lets wait and see. - Michael Gray

Any spare change?

Michael Gray laments the currenteconomic climate


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- 13 -

Film

The Back-Up Plan

In spite of the fact that I nished watching Jennifer Lopezs latest outing mere moments

ago, it is very difcult to know where to begin. Lets start with the facts: The Back-up Plan

was directed by Alan Poul and tells the tale of Zoe (Jennifer Lopez), a single New York

girl who, driven by a catalogue of dating disasters and a fear loneliness, has chosen to cut out

the middle-man and start a family by means of articial insemination. Little does she know

that on the day of the procedure she will meet the cheese-making man of her dreams, Stan

(Alex OLoughlin), rendering the whole thing slightly unnecessary really. The lm goes on to

chart the ups and downs of their relationship as they struggle to deal with the reality of their

ludicrous situation. Obviously.

Less clear is how the lm actually came into being, and why, after presumably having been

watched by human beings, it was allowed to be released upon an unknowing and innocent viewing public. Leaving aside the

inherently awed and verging-on-offensive premise, the plot is executed in a clumsy and incredible way by a cast who the

audience cannot help but pity. Admittedly, I did wonder if the romantic climax (a sex scene set in a barn lled with maturing

cheese) was a self-aware nod to the cringe-worthy screenplay. Ok, I know, and knew before buying the DVD this week, that it

fell into that so-often-dubious cinematic genre of chick-ick. Nonetheless, I feel truly violated. Surely we have all sat through

some shitty rom-coms over the years, but not since Dear John have I witnessed such a suspension from reality in which char-

acters, seemingly existing in the contemporary, real world, commit to actions based upon no obvious rationale. All in all, 100

minutes of my life I will forever regret. - Natalie Jack

Life As We Know It

For anyone who has seen Knocked Up or 3 Men and a Baby et al, Life as we know it

will throw up no real twists in what is an undeniably familiar tale. What it does do

however is to provide a not altogether unpleasant 112 minutes of entertainment. When

their best friends (Christina Hendricks of Mad Men fame and Hayes MacArthur) are killed

in a car crash, Holly (Katherine Heigl) and Messer (Josh Duhamel) nd themselves in joint

custody of baby Sophie overnight, and must live and work together to bring her up as her

parents would have. Heigl, no stranger to the romantic romp is convincing, if a little dull, in

the role of the independent career woman type, while co-star Josh Duhamel is an endearinglate-twenties / early thirties lost-boy.

Admittedly, some of the jokes are well-worn, but somehow Life as we know it still manages

to surprise. Unanticipated comic relief comes in the form of the slightly psycho Middle-American neighbours and a highly-

strung social worker. Another of the lms more unique selling points is surely the post-coital, marijuana-fuelled scene in

which Duhamel has cause to utter the line Im the fth Wiggle during a marathon of childrens TV. Maybe its not sophisti-

cated humour, but the cinema was sold out and people were laughing less than could be said for The Back-up Plan.

- Natalie Jack

What to see...


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GUUi

Music

- 14 -

T

his has one of the best album covers in recent

memory: the reection in a modern sleek glass

building of a big fuck off shark emerging like a

nasty motherfucker from the clouds above a quasi-ru-

ral backwater landscape. It is Black Mountains third LP

for the much loved label Jagjaguwar and presents one

of those albums which seem to slip through the fabric

of space and time and end up a few decades after their

respective scenes. This is a psych-rock record, mellowed

by a noticeable folk inuence and both male and female

vocals on most of the tracks. It rawks in the sense of that

sort of spelling, meaning that it sometimes verges on

sounding like a parody but generally it just sounds awe-

some.

In my eyes, this is another album in the vein of Japan-

droids Post Nothing from last year. Tweak Bird are

also a duo and this is their debut album and they

make a lot more noise than two people should be able to.

However, Japandroids are essentially a garage-rock band

and Tweak Bird are more likely to get unwieldy tags

such as stoner/psych rock and jazz-metal thrown their

way. Dont let that put you off though, all that means is

that Tweak Birds style of rock is a bit more complex in

that you might hear a psych-synth here and a saxophone

there. It swaps Japandroids raw desperate melancholy

for something a lot more upbeat and fun. The albums

artwork sums up this record far more succinctly than this

snippet of a review.

What to listen to...

Black MountainWilderness Heart

Tweak BirdTweak Bird

Scenes used to be local entities, emerging in specic locations as various bands emulated, learnt and stole from each

other and grew up together, eventually culminating in a style of music which felt synonymous with the area.

Nowadays, the internet has simultaneously somewhat expanded and compressed this phenomenon. Expanded geo-

graphically in that this area is now the whole world, with bloggers and music-minded netizens being able to hand-pick

a number of similar sounding bands from various corners of the Earth, pigeon-hole them with a ridiculous genre name

such as Witch House and proclaim the whole articial mess as a new scene. Compressed temporally (and sonically as

mp3s!) in that these articial scenes can live their lives within the icker of an eye in the most obscure blog or rise to hip-

ster stardom for a limited time if championed by certain websites/authorities such as Pitchfork.

Witch House is an example of this happening and is possibly the most internet genre ever with many of the artists in-

volved having names which are not designed to be said out loud (such as oOoOO) but rather hyped to death in the silent

buzz of some part of the internet.

Of course, none of this means that local scenes are obsolete. If you live in a rural town in northern Finland and your only

local band is an awful nu-metal outt then you will have an awful local scene, regardless of the ckle fancies of online

music journalism. - Cameron Grieg

Evolution of the Music Scene


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Current Affairs

The astute amongst you will have already noted that

this issue of the GUUi is all about alcohol, the highs

and lows it brings, but above all the enjoyment we

receive from it. For a long time the Scottish Executive hasntbeen very happy with us having a good time and they are

now making moves so that it costs an arm, a leg and an

extended overdraft in order to enjoy the student lifestyle.

So what draconian measure lies at the forefront of the Ex-

ecutives mind to prevent us all from having a harmless bit

of fun?

Many of you will react in fear when you hear the words

minimum pricing, and for some of you the murmur of

the forgotten phrase Beer Bar Wednesdays brings a tear tothe eye. Drinking promotions such as Happy Hours and

such like condensed time periods advocating cheap, quick

drinking are a thing of the past. Drinks promotions now

have to run for a minimum period of three consecutive days

with the obvious effect of reducing cheap bar and club pro-

motions, all in the name of avoiding binge drinking. But the

benets of drinks promotions are obvious. On the face of it

the benets are multiple, bars make money, customers save

money and everybody has a good time but the government

seem adamant to push the negative social effects that gohand in hand with drinking. We hear so much about the

cost to the taxpayer, the same taxpayer that benets from

the 18.7 billion spent in pubs and clubs on an annual basis

throughout the UK.

Yes of course there are negative repercussions to alcohol

consumption and it would be nave to ignore such issues

when considering the effects of changes to drink prices.

Each year there are tremendous costs to both the health

service for the treating of alcohol related disease and the

criminal justice system for dealing with crime and disorder,

but this represents a small proportion of the revenue that

alcohol generates within the economy. It is therefore dif-

cult to attempt to understand why the Scottish Executive

seem to think that something as simple as a price increase

will eradicate our entrenched cultural drinking behaviour.

Cigarette price rises continually failed to curb the smokinghabits of the nation. Success came only with the prohibition

of smoking in enclosed public spaces, a measure laughably

inapplicable to alcohol consumption.

At the base of any price increases lies the effect that a further

levy on alcohol would be nothing more than a regressive

tax, affecting those on lower incomes to a much greater ex-

tent. Thousands of responsible drinkers would be asked to

foot the bill for the minority who wish to continually abuse

their right to drink. This may be justiable on the groundsof the social benet to society (whatever they may be), but

would not sit well with the majority of responsible, social

drinkers.

Thousands of responsible drinkerswould be asked to foot the bill for theminority who wish to continually abusetheir right to drink. This may be justifi-able on the grounds of the social benefit

to society (whatever they may be), butwould not sit well with the majority ofresponsible, social drinkers.

Many students already scrimp and save, beg for and bor-

row money to make it through university with some form

of social life that more often than not involves a quiet bever-

age. We as a student population do not deserve to be pun-

ished with further duties imposed on alcohol. We already

contribute to the economy with our disposable income and

by keeping the unemployment gures down. So we ask

the Scottish Executive to leave us and many other drinkers

alone so we can keep having a harmless bit of fun!

- Joe Fitzgibbon

Minimum pricing?

... No thanks.


17/20

I need a minimum amount of alcohol

to sleep with you. If the price is morethan a divorce, then youre out the

door.

Joseph Bucklow


18/20

- 17 -

Sport

Results

Swimming

Mens 65-59 Dundee Boys

Girls 45-79 Dundee Girls

Football

Mens 1sts 1-0 Wigtown

Mens 2nds 2-2 Westerlands

Waterpolo

Girls 0-2 St. Andrews

Girls 3-3 Aberdeen

Girls 5-5 RGU

Hockey

Mens 1sts 3-1 Dundee 1sts

Mens 2nds 2-3 Edinburgh N

Girls 2nds 3-0 East Kilbride

Girls 2nds 2-2 Queen M

Waterpolo

Mens 23-0 RGU

Shinty

Mens 5-4 Edinburgh

Girls 0-7 Edinburgh

Rugby

Girls 75-0 Aberdeen

Netball

1sts 42-27 RGU

GLASGOW

UNIVERSITY

SPORTS

ASSOCIATION

GUSA Report

The Glasgow University Sports Association, better known as GUSA,

is an organisation run by students for students providing high quality

sport and recreation provision to the student body through partner-ship with the Sport and Recreation Service.

The GUSA Council is a body of 16 students elected annually and ex-

ists to represent the students participating in sport at the University of

Glasgow. We provide support to all levels of ability, from recreational

sports events and club sport, to talented athlete support and our ex-

panding alumni network. We aim to get as many people involved in

sport as possible, so that the benets can be enjoyed by all.

Here at GUSA we know how to live the best of both worlds; as well as

the obvious health benets, the social opportunities are endless. Each

of the 48 clubs offer great opportunities to try new sports, compete,

meet new people and get involved in some of the best socials around.

Among the events put on by GUSA are charity fundraisers such as

the upcoming Fashion Show, here in the GUU on the 27th of Novem-

ber, featuring some of your favourite representatives from the different

student bodies strutting their stuff to support the charity Right to Play.

Another highlight of our social calendar is the GUSA Ball in February,

an event not to be missed.

So, whether you consider yourself a seasoned athlete, you want to

make new friends or simply you want to keep that beer belly at bay,

if there is one thing you do whilst at University, its get involved with

GUSA.

For more information nd us on:

Facebook; http://www.facebook.com/GUSA1881

Or our website:

http://www.gla.ac.uk/services/sport/gusa/


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GUUi October 2010

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