GOD ATTACHMENT Dr. Tim Clinton & Dr. Joshua Straub
Dec 11, 2015
MADE FOR RELATIONSHIPS
The Sacred Romance -- “Lover of our Soul”
Love and Marriage -- Genesis 2:18-25; SOS;
Matt.19; I Cor. 7; I Cor. 13; Eph.5:21 ff; I
Peter 3:1-10
The Family -- Deut. 6:6-9, Psalm 127; I Tim. 5:8
Attachments vs. Attachments vs. Close RelationshipsClose Relationships
The Big FiveThe Big FiveSeeks closeness in times of trouble
Safe HavenExplorationSeparation Anxiety/AngerLoss Grief
Core BeliefsRelationship Rules
Self Other
•Am I worthy? •Am I capable?•Am I willing?
•Are you trustworthy?•Are accessible?•Are you capable?•Are you willing?
Relationship RulesSecure AttachmentSecure Attachment
Self Dimension•I’m worthy of love•I’m capable of getting the love I needOther Dimension•Others are willing and able to love me•I can count on you to be there for me
Avoidant AttachmentAvoidant AttachmentSelf Dimension•I’m worthy of love (false pride)•I’m capable of getting love I want and need (false sense of mastery)Other Dimension•Others are incompetent•Others are untrustworthy
Ambivalent AttachmentAmbivalent AttachmentSelf Dimension•I am not worthy of love (I feel flawed)•I’m not able to get the love I need without being angry or clingyOther Dimension•Capable but unwilling (bc my flaws)•May abandon me (bc my flaws)
Disorganized AttachmentDisorganized AttachmentSelf Dimension•I’m not worthy of love•I’m unable to get the love I needOther Dimension•Others are unwilling•Others are unable•Others are abusive; I deserve it
Attachment and Feelings
Secure AttachmentFull rangeGood controlSelf-soothesShares feelingsOK with others’ feelings
Avoidant AttachmentRestricted affectFocus is on control Uses things to self sootheKeeps feelings buried Doesn’t share feelings
Ambivalent AttachmentFull rangePoor controlCan’t self sootheShares feelings too muchOverwhelmed by others’ feelings
Disorganized AttachmentFull range, but few positive feelingsPoor controlCan’t self-sootheCan’t really share with othersOverwhelmed by others’ feelingsDissociates
Attachment and IntimacySecure Attachment
Comfortable with closenessShares feelings and dreamsWilling to commitBalances closeness and distanceParticipates in non-sexual touch
Avoidant Attachment
Not comfortable with closenessWithholds feelings and dreamsDifficulty with commitmentDistances
Ambivalent AttachmentDesires closeness, but never seems to have enoughWants to merge with otherPreoccupied with abandonmentClings and criticizes
Disorganized AttachmentDesires closeness, but fears and avoids itWants to merge, then wants to distanceTerrified of abandonmentSabotages closenessAttracted to people who victimize
Attachments vs. Attachments vs. Close RelationshipsClose Relationships
The Big Five as it relates to The Big Five as it relates to GodGod
Seeks closeness in times of trouble
Safe HavenExplorationSeparation Anxiety/AngerLoss Grief
God Attachment
-Research shows people seek God for a safe haven and secure base during times of stress.
Most researched area of attachment theory in the context of religion
In times of emotional distress or loss, it has been found that people:
-turn to prayer rather than the church -grieving persons tend to increase their faith and
religious devotion-soldiers pray more frequently in combat -times of death and divorce -fears associated with serious illness -emotional crises-relationship problems-other negative events
God Attachment
As substitute attachment figure (Kirkpatrick, 1992)
Provides “felt security” (Sroufe, 1977)
More similar to parent-child relationship but moderate and consistent link to romantic attachment (Kirkpatrick, 1992, 1999; Rowatt & Kirkpatrick, 2002)
Measured on two dimensions: Anxiety and Avoidance
(Beck & McDonald, 2004)
Assessing Attachment with a Loving God
THE ATTACHMENT TO GOD INVENTORY(Beck and McDonald, 2004)
The Experiences in Close Relationships scale
(Brennan et al. 1998)-Avoidance of Intimacy-Anxiety about Abandonment
God Attachment Results
Increased Avoidance
A reluctance to communicate
Avoidance of emotionality
Obsessive self-reliance
Increased anxiety of abandonment
Preoccupation and worry
Angry protest
Increased jealousy
Resentment
Concerns that they are lovable
Fears of abandonment in love relationship with God
Attachment style impacts how God is viewed Secure: He is there, I can count on Him. He will
accepts me, in spite of my flaws Avoidant: He isn’t there for me when I need Him. I
will have to go at life alone. I don’t really need Him. Ambivalent: I’m too flawed; God is sure to reject
me. I probably committed the unpardonable sin Disorganized: I’m flawed, beyond repair. God will
strike me down if I turn toward Him. He will surely reject or punish me.
Christian Attachment Therapy
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Attachment and Spirituality
Assessing Attachment with GodCompensation Hypotheses-God may serve as a compensatory attachment figure for individuals displaying insecure attachment patterns (Kirkpatrick & Shaver, 1997, 1998).
--avoidant attachment types had higher incidents of sudden conversions. These results indicate that God may serve the role of a substitute attachment figure (emotional compensation), compensating for the distant, unresponsive care-giving style they experienced in infancy and childhood. This hypothesis is based upon Ainsworth’s (1985) findings that those with insecure attachment styles seek substitute objects of attachment.
Assessing Attachment with GodCorrespondence Hypotheses
-proposes that individuals with secure attachment styles are more likely to sustain a future belief and relationship with God because a foundation has been established throughout childhood. This hypothesis is based on Bowlby’s (1969) idea that relationship permanence and stability stem from stable working models of attachment (Kirkpatrick & Shaver, 1997, 1998).
Thoughts on Hypotheses
According to this hypothesis--the explanation to the root of
religiousness in securely attached individuals may be derived “from
without”, or socialization processes, whereas the religiousness of the
insecurely attached individual may be derived “from within”, or
emotional regulation (Granqvist & Hagekull).
Thoughts on Hypotheses
The connection between attachment insecurity and sudden religious conversion
may be considered the most robust and corroborated finding from the research on
attachment and religion…This interpretation is in line with ambivalents’ observed tendency to desperately seek
care and easily fall in love, and may be a continuation of the inconsistency in
parental caregiving that has been shown to be characteristic of parents in
ambivalent dyads
Warmth and security—responsiveness and attunement
Regulation so child is not overwhelmed Relatedness and engagement Back and forth emotional signaling and
gesturing Problem solving Using ideas in meaningful and functional
way Thinking and reasoning
Qualities of Sensitive, Growth Promoting Relationships
Breaking Free
Step I: Remember Your Story – Narrative Recall
Step II: Recognize Your Pain and Need for Healing – “Can’t heal what you don’t feel”
Step III: Reframe the Meaning of Your StoryStep IV: Repair Your Story – ‘forgiveness,
grace and acceptance’Step V: Reconnect – deepening emotional
strands of safety, trust and intimacy; able to accept influence from others.