Out of the Box A summary and review of The Arbinger Institute’s “Leadership and Self- Deception” How to improve discretionary behavior, along with collaboration, creativity, innovation and leadership.
Welcome message from author
This document is posted to help you gain knowledge. Please leave a comment to let me know what you think about it! Share it to your friends and learn new things together.
Transcript
Outof the Box
A summary and review of The Arbinger Institute’s “Leadership and Self-Deception”
How to improve discretionary behavior, along with collaboration, creativity, innovation and leadership.
2
1. The Ubiquitous People Problem2. How it Precludes Progress3. What Causes It4. How to Fix It
Outline
When leaders and teams address the challenges raised herein they become more engaged, contribute more fully and collaborate more effectively, which improves team productivity and long-term performance.
How to improve discretionary behavior, along with collaboration, creativity, innovation and leadership.
3
The Problem
How to improve discretionary behavior, along with collaboration, creativity, innovation and leadership.
When leaders and teams address the challenges raised herein they become more engaged, contribute more fully and collaborate more effectively, which improves team productivity and long-term performance.
4
Problem People cannot easily or objectively observe themselves.
o It’s a form of blindness that’s normal. o Philosophers and psychologists have long recognized it.
As a result, team members will at times act on biased assumptions, projected motivations and missed cues.
The effect within and between teams is for perspectives to narrow and priorities to diverge as crisis and stress increase.o That’s a problem beneath many problems.o Without counteraction, it enables organizational dysfunction.o It divides teams and keeps people from achieving results together.
The problem will derail strategic transformation if not addressed.
5
Problem
It’s possible for leadership to confront the root cause of the problem, as we’ll learn in this presentation. Otherwise you merely treat symptoms through bureaucracy and turnover.
People cannot easily or objectively observe themselves. o It’s a form of blindness that’s normal. o Philosophers and psychologists have long recognized it.
As a result, team members will at times act on biased assumptions, projected motivations and missed cues.
The effect within and between teams is for perspectives to narrow and priorities to diverge as crisis and stress increase.o That’s a problem beneath many problems.o Without counteraction, it enables organizational dysfunction.o It divides teams and keeps people from achieving results together.
The problem will derail strategic transformation if not addressed.
If you can’t trust your view of yourself in a given moment then it’s better to rely on others with previous knowledge or belief. “Know thyself.” –Socrates
6
Subtly try to control, manipulate or use others Resent other team members’ successes Deceive or betray without awareness of impact Bring fewer results to the organization and team
Negative ImpactsNext we’ll learn how the problem allows people to:
People often isolate themselves or get into everyone else’s business due to the issue. “Stop the madness!”
If you can’t trust your view of yourself in a given moment then it’s better to rely on others with previous knowledge or belief. “Know thyself.” –Socrates
7
Subtly try to control, manipulate or use others Resent other team members’ successes Deceive or betray without awareness of impact Bring fewer results to the organization and team
Negative ImpactsNext we’ll learn how the problem allows people to:
The benefits are achieved in breaking through internal blockage by attacking a root cause that we’ll call “The Box.”
Benefits of addressing the issue:• Higher productivity.• Reduction of irritating distractions from self-
promotion, including over-talking at meetings.• Overcoming complacency.• Avoiding HR actions.• Long-term growth through maintaining a balanced
interdependency between personal preferences and corporate interests.
People often isolate themselves or get into everyone else’s business due to the issue. “Stop the madness!”
9
When you ignore your impressions of the way you should be toward someone, including mutual respect or
offering support to a member of your own team, and then justify yourself in denial of your
convictions and knowledge, you go“In the Box”
Resistance
It’s not just about relationships or emotions.It’s about how you are.
Some impressions are an aggregation of all you know. They guide in the way of being true to oneself. To ignore it is to cease to be to a degree in a sense.
10
The Basis of Resistance
There are “Two Ways of Being” -
Ignoring a personal ethic numbs awareness and engagement.
There are “Two Ways of Being” -The Box: “There are two ways of being toward people.”1. Seeing them fully as they are, as people.2. Seeing them as objects lesser than oneself.
Have you ever felt herded around as cattle to slaughter? Ever been looked at as a mere object to be used? It can degrade everyone who witnesses it.
11
The Basis of Resistance
There are “Two Ways of Being” -There are “Two Ways of Being” -The Box: “There are two ways of being toward people.”1. Seeing them fully as they are, as people.2. Seeing them as objects lesser than oneself.
Have you ever felt herded around as cattle to slaughter? Ever been looked at as a mere object to be used? It can degrade everyone who witnesses it.
Without counteraction it increases obsessing and controlling.
On the other side, the problem begins with observing oneself seeing others as objects or failing to respect a fundamental level of human dignity. It includes seeing oneself NOT speaking-up on behalf of the lesser advantaged in a situation.
It is cognitively dissonant with how you want to see yourself.* So the sense grows over time unless corrected.
Correct it to the degree you sense is required, given your sensibilities and maturity.
The effect is the same if a violation of dignity occurs passively over time, or if it’s actively aggressive.
*As humans we know that imperfections, including bias, corrupt and ruin, including oneself. A desire to live drives elimination of self-driven imperfection.
Ignoring a personal ethic numbs awareness and engagement.
12
Lazy Incompetent
Inconsiderate Insensitive Power-hungry
Irresponsible Disrespectful Unappreciative Etc.
When you are “in the box,” viewing others as objects, you easily go negative.Outsiders seem more:
Coworkers seem more:
Subordinates seem more:
…and the results tear the team or group apart.
Seeing Others who are trying and failing as Objects in your way.Deriding team members who oppose your self-serving justifications.
The problem affects both decision-making and teamwork.
People sense how you esteem them.o If you disregard them, they reduce interaction.o If you show esteem, there’s mutual supporto Over time people also compare words to actions.o They see hypocrisy in trying hard to be nice.
They can sense manipulation, being coped with, tolerated.
13
It’s not what you do, but how.
How People Know You are “In the Box”
People sense how you esteem them.o If you disregard them, they reduce interaction.o If you show esteem, there’s mutual supporto Over time people also compare words to actions.o They see hypocrisy in trying hard to be nice.
They can sense manipulation, being coped with, tolerated.
14
It’s not what you do, but how.
How People Know You are “In the Box”
The Box is a reptilian-like state of mind characterized by reacting impulsively.
Panic may be cued by subconscious messages that perpetually trigger impulsive thoughts of being in crisis, under attack, or imminently short of resources to the point of being without hope or, ultimately, for staying alive.
15
The Effects of the Box
16
The Results of Resistance (Being “In the Box”)
When you are “in the box” -o You de-motivate.o You shift blame onto others.o You justify yourself.
Then -o Others begin to despise you.o You are not accepted as a leader.o It ruins your effectiveness.
17
Getting in the Box
1. Resisting others &Betraying yourself
2. Deceiving yourself &Justifying irrationality
FAILURE BY DEFAULT
18
An Example of How You Get In the Box
1. At some point you see a real need that you could meet (that is, you sense the hopes, cares or fears of others, or recognize some other need for your honesty or leadership).
2. You make a choice, consciously or otherwise, between acting on that sense or opting for convenience.a. You act on full sense and stay out of the box.b. You ignore that sense and enter the box.
The latter betrays your sense of how you know you should be toward another person or the team.
It is what we’ll call “self-betrayal.” You respond with falseness, untrue to yourself. It is “the most common thing in the world.”
To get into the box:
Resisting others
1. Resisting others &Betraying yourself
2. Deceiving yourself &Justifying irrationality
19
An Example of How You Get In the Box
1. At some point you see a real need that you could meet (that is, you sense the hopes, cares or fears of others, or recognize some other need for your honesty or leadership).
2. You make a choice, consciously or otherwise, between acting on that sense or opting for convenience.a. You act on full sense and stay out of the box.b. You ignore that sense and enter the box.
The latter betrays your sense of how you know you should be toward another person or the team.
It is what we’ll call “self-betrayal.” You respond with falseness, untrue to yourself. It is “the most common thing in the world.”
To get into the box:
Resisting others
1. Resisting others &Betraying yourself
2. Deceiving yourself &Justifying irrationality
You may inadvertently internalize messages that say you are not a strong, autonomous individual. Those messages ignite survival reactions.
…and the most common ‘think’?Refusing to voice one’s Ethic clouds the
conscience, corrupts convictions & makes commitment difficult. In partial shut-down,
critical gut reactions go sideways.
20
Results
1. Distorted view of others (Blaming)2. Distorted view of self (Self-Deceptive Ego-Inflation)
Betraying yourself
1. Resisting others &Betraying yourself
2. Deceiving yourself &Justifying irrationality [email protected]
21
Results
1. Distorted view of others (Blaming)2. Distorted view of self (Self-Deceptive Ego-Inflation)
Betraying yourself
1. Resisting others &Betraying yourself
2. Deceiving yourself &Justifying irrationality
In denial people shut-down or ignore certain observations and information, even denying their own experiences.
It is a form of being “under siege” similar to how panic filters out whatever is unrelated to immediate survival.
Innovative Productivity, Inc. -- [email protected]
Example DistortionsGood things to bein perspective Competent Hard working Smart Good worker Funny Conversationalist Thinking of others Feeling important
“In the box” distortion (‘false-self’ messages) – you see yourself as (or feel you need to be seen as): Never making mistakes Doing all the work Knowing everything Being better than everyone Always the life of the party Always the center of attention Appearing to always put others first In fact, you are putting yourself first
and believing your interests are inherently more important than everyone else’s.
You would need to constantly fight uphill to keep the image described on the right. Again, it’s self-deception and a denial of reality.
To support the distortion you must constantly explain your motives (at least to yourself) in order to keep denying self-evident truth.
It also inspires your resentment of anyone challenging appearances.
It kills your confidence and shuts down others from participating.
Deceiving yourself
1. Resisting others &Betraying yourself
2. Deceiving yourself &Justifying irrationality 22
FAILURE BY DEFAULT
23
Getting Out of the Box
24
“The Box” is what philosophershave called “resisting others.”
Our shared humanity calls us to a fundamental level of response
in respect and honor.
In the box everything we think and feel is part of the self-deception of the box.
25
How NOT to Get Out of the Box
These DO NOT WORK to get out of the box.1. Trying to change others.2. Doing your best to cope with others.3. Running away (taking your box with you).4. Communicating more (giving your box to others).5. Implementing new skills or techniques (more sophisticated in
knowledge yet still in the box with a self-preserving motive).6. Trying to change your behavior (by focusing on yourself,
being controlling, while still in the box).
Behaviors and skills naturally improve after you are out of the box. So simply trying to make improvements does not address the root cause. Outward improvement aims at proving yourself right while still in the box.
The alternative is to stop resisting…
26
How to Get Out of the Box
1. You see genuineness demonstrated by someone or a group as they relate to others openly and honestly.
2. Something about that appeals to you.3. As you want that, people begin to appear to you more fully as
they are, including those you had sometimes seen as objects.4. You get out of the box whenever you want to see others fully as
they are/can-be, because where you look you see.
1. You see genuineness demonstrated by someone or a group as they relate to others openly and honestly.
2. Something about that appeals to you.3. As you want that, people begin to appear to you more fully as
they are, including those you had sometimes seen as objects.4. You get out of the box whenever you want to see others fully as
they are/can-be, because where you look you see.
27
How to Get Out of the Box
When you want what is best you stop resisting. Instead of trying to change, you allow change. First you admire being honest and real. Then you want that for yourself. Next you pursue it with a passion by totally rejecting familiar falseness. Over time, instead of relying on yourself, even with all of your innate, intellectual strength, so that you allow yourself to live in broadly-engaged thinking.
Within that mindset you honor and allow what is best.
It means moving out of the world of miscued internal impressions, through the world of objectively cold facts and into the world of eternally correct impressions, with or without immediate access to all of the facts, as is provided by principled perceptions removed from time and place.
28
Out-of-Box Results
More creativity and enthusiasm. More influence as a leader. More focus on the needs of the client instead of self. A more successful organization.
Whenever you see your own behaviors and hypocrisy, “a little light comes on” and the blaming emotions go out.
Always quick to defend your motives Trying to NOT notice the needs of
others Blaming for minor errors in the past
Deriding Thinking of others as objects
Elevating yourself Being angry or resentful
Feeling justified when others fail Resenting the successes of others,
to the detriment of the company Exaggerating one’s own successes
Focusing on self Demotivating team members
Never needing to justify yourself Naturally sensing the needs of others
and then knowing how to respond Grateful & learning from the past
Praising Thinking of others fully as people
Seeing yourself realistically Being creative and enthusiastic
Happy at all successes Quietly making others successful,
advancing the company/family/team Celebrating corporate successes Focusing on clients
Helping teams respond positively
Out of the Box
Compare & Contrast
In the Box
29
30
Caveat Disclaimer:Out of Box Prerequisite
Of course, hard work by smart, skilled people is still necessary. Yet somehow individuals get smarter and work harder when
treated straightforwardly as people. Being real or authentic (i.e., integrity) invites full engagement
with its enthusiasm, creativity, and synergistic collaboration.
Personal intellectual integrity is a mandate; violation of it becomes a constraint.
In other words, when a leader is “out of the box,” team members become more engaged and contribute more fully.
31
“Again, with feeling…”
It’s not only about techniques. These alone are not enough: Active Listening Sitting on the edge of your chair to show interest Tips & tricks (“Five easy steps to management success”)
Teaching such techniques alone may simply cause the blamers to be more sophisticated in how they blame.
Techniques matter. Yet “the rules” just make us more self-conscious and “fake” if applied too strictly in an atmosphere of distrust. First establish trust and respect. Only AFTER you sense permission from someone can you get more personable and humorous as well as strict through mutual correction that has everyone’s best interests at heart.
32
The higher the pressure the greater
the demand on personal strength to
respect dignity.
Many ‘people problems’ at work begin with In-the-Box Thinking.
The problem begins with fixation in a narrow band of thinking (self-preservation or ‘laziness’). A narrow mind is caused by misuse or disuse of voicing opinion or not ‘walking away’ in response to wrong or misleading messages. The result is emotional blockage and reactionary living. The blockage limits the motivation (anger/pain) needed for firm action. After all, to be effective you need sustenance from all areas of the mind.
The purpose of the team is to achieve results together.
Why?
To achieve our purpose requires an essential level of respect for dignity. It’s a constraint on the criteria of success and sustainable profit.
The Heart of People Problems
33
How to Stay Out of the Box
1. You got out of the box in a particular situation. (For example, you saw people being genuine with each other; it was eye-opening; you wanted that; you changed.)
2. You then begin to question your virtue in other situations.3. You see your hypocrisy as it is.4. A light comes on and the blaming emotions go out.5. You see and feel straightforwardly as your ‘box’ or ‘island of
isolation’ is penetrated by the humanity of others.6. You more regularly see and honor others’ needs, hopes and
worries; you see those as being as real and legitimate as any others, including your own.
34
Too Difficult?
It’s a fundamental change in a way of being toward others. You see them as they are. The realistic way you see them is also the realistic way you begin
to see yourself. When you do not betray them you will not betray yourself. You return to honoring your out-of-the-box sensibilities.
35
Is it too much to do at once?
Maybe you can’t change as quickly as you’d like. You do your best under the circumstances. At a minimum, you stay open to a sense of humanity.
36
Why, Again?
At times we all want to say, “They’re the problem.” When we focus on others’ incompetence we wrongly position
ourselves as a helpless victim or a superior being. In contrast, being out-of-the-box requires no self-justification. The result is focusing on results instead of oneself. Only when out-of-the-box can you focus fully on the needs of a
client (or anyone else).
37
It’s Not Too Much
In-the-box desperation is what causes you to try to prove something about yourself.
Out-of-the-box obligations are easy. Start now and “let the box melt away.”
38
So, next time will you…
Respond to the sense of how you need to help and to be?
Ignore impulses to defensively blame?
Focus instead on the client’s needs?
Related Documents
