Midcoast Maine’s Monthly Funnies Newspaper! Your Local Source for Comics, Puzzles, Word Games, and Humor Columns! To Advertise, email [email protected] or call 557-3261 FREE! FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013 FREE MIDCOAST EDITION www.PenobscotMarineMuseum.org Penobscot Marine Museum brings history to life! Visit our campus and experience a 19th century village on the gorgeous coast of Maine. The Penobscot Marine Museum campus of ten historic buildings is open from late May through late October. May 25 through October 26 come see For Those in Peril: Shipwrecks, Memorials and Rescues.
Funnies Extra is a free, full color 16-page tabloid filled with funnies and puzzles. Thousands of copies of Funnies Extra! are read monthly in Waldo and Knox Counties in hotels, diners, coffee shops, restaurants, auto repair shops, hospitals, physicians’ offices, dental practices, etc. The content in Funnies Extra! appeals to consumers of all ages.
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Midcoast Maine’s Monthly Funnies Newspaper! Your Local Source for Comics, Puzzles, Word Games, and Humor Columns! To Advertise, email [email protected] or call 557-3261 FREE!
FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013
FREE MIDCOASTEDITION
w w w . P e n o b s c o t M a r i n e M u s e u m . o r g
Penobscot Marine Museum brings history to life! Visit our campus and experience a 19th century village on the gorgeous coast of Maine. The Penobscot Marine Museum campus of ten historic buildings is open from late May through late October. May 25 through October 26 come see For Those in Peril: Shipwrecks, Memorials and Rescues.
2 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013
BIZ by DAVE BLAZEK OFF THE MARK by MARK PARISI CAPTION CONTEST
Congratulations to last issue’s winner, Greg Bingham, who submitted the following caption to last issue’s contest: “Hey, Pal! This river is closed to fl y fi shing.” Send your best caption to this week’s contest to: [email protected] and type “Caption Contest” in the subject line.
The winning captions will be published in the next issue with the winner’s name, age and city with permission. Void where prohibited.
The views and opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publisher, advertisers or employees of NachoTree Print & Digital Design. NachoTree Print & Digital Design is not responsible for any advertising errors beyond the first printing of any Display Ad. Additional contributor informa-tion can be found on the website URL’s above. Contents of this publication may not be reproduced or copied without permission from Funnies Extra, LLC.
print & digital design
VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 3
BC by MASTROIANNI AND HART
TUNDRA by CHAD CARPENTER
EEK! by SCOTT NICKEL
HOOSIERVILLE by MARK BRAYER
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Country Styles
161 Lang Hill Highway, Brooks207.722.3551
FAMILY HAIR CARE
FACT OR FICTION?
*Every day 400,000 babies are born, and 140,000 people die on average. *Babies are born without knee caps. They don’t appear until the child is 2-6 years of age. *Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish
speaking countries. Colgate translates into “go hang yourself.”
spokesandjokes.com207.557.3251
Enjoy clean and hilarious standup
comedy and music for all ages from
standup comedianChris Quimby.
VARNEY MEMORIAL BUILDINGRoute 7, Downtown Brooks, Brooks, ME
March 30, 2013, 7:00pm
THE NITE SHOWwith DANNY CASHMAN
WABI-TV5April 6, 2013, 11:30pm
LIGHTHOUSE CHRISTIAN CAFE453 Wilson Street, Brewer, ME
April 13, 2013, 7:00pm
GRACE BIBLE CHURCH40 Douty Hill Road, Sangerville, ME
April 20, 2013, 7:00pm
FAIR HAVEN CAMPS81 West Fair Haven Lane, Brooks, ME
April 27, 2013, 7:00pm
IMAGINE THAT by BRIAN MARTIN STRANGER THINGS by TIM THOMSON HARA KIWI by LECTRR
4 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013
VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 7
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Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
Join Funnies Extra Maine on Facebook and Twitter!
Q. Tell me a short history of KSW.A. KSW started when some mill workers in Waterville wanted to put their assets together to create a Credit Union for their place of work back in 1954. This took off so well that they had to get a bigger place. The growth continued with some challenges, and a Belfast offi ce was added in 1994 when KSW (then known as Keyes Fiber) was invited to take over a credit union formed by the poultry workers. In 2001, a merge with Keso Federal Credit Union brought a name change to KSW. In 2011 membership was offered to more Waldo county towns and the bank is continuing to grow.
They depend on us for our business and we depend on them. They are the backbone of a vital,
sustainable local economy.
SHOP& DINELOCAL
Shop Thoughtfully. Shop Locally.
Spring is a great time to get out and support our local businesses, run by our neighbors and friends. ADVERTISER SPOTLIGHT:
KSW Federal Credit UnionLocation: 135 Waldo Ave., Belfast | kswfcu.org
Q. What does the letters KSW stand for?A. Kennebec, Somerset, and Waldo counties. These are the counties where the bank’s business comes from.
Q. What is the weirdest item or product that you offer here?A. “Fashion Friends Magnetic Dress N Play” This is one of the many gifts that a child 12 or under could pick from the rewards of their Monty Moose account.
8 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013
WIZARD OF ID by PARKER & MASTROIANNI & HART
HOLY MOLÉ by RICK HOTTON
DOGS OF C-KENNEL by MICK & MASON MASTROIANNI
HALF BAKED by RICK ELLISDistributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
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S.A.F.E.548FOR MORE
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VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 9
THE OTHER COAST by ADRIAN RAESIDE
RALF THE DESTROYER by SCOTT LINCOLN
SUNSHINE STATE by GRAHAM NOLAN
PICKLES by BRIAN CRANE
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4, 2013 at 2 PMall (above Town Hall)r and Union Streets)ERFAITH FUEL FUNDdult, $4.00 Studentsntertainment and more.able at intermissionap accessible.
10 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013
You might have read back in Octo-ber of last year that I was planning a crazy adventure. Beginning on April 28, I will push myself into a pair of Spandex shorts and cycle to Texas. I will also be wearing a shirt.
Why, you ask? Well, in the past couple of years I started asking my-self deeper questions about who I was, what my purpose might be and whether my life was set up in such a way that facilitates or frustrates what my intentions for life are.
I am a believer, also, that each per-son is uniquely created by God to love and serve Him and others, but in man-ners largely consistent with their gift -ings, opportunities and desires.
When I looked at my life, I saw the results of a combination of fear and conformity. Without an understand-ing of who I was and what I should be doing, I settled for fi nding a comfort-able job so I could get a paycheck so I could pay my bills so I could continue existing long enough to continue get-ting a paycheck and paying my bills.
Th e people to whom I pay my bills were in favor of the trajectory of my life.
But I felt like a change was neces-sary. I left my full-time job of eleven years with no idea what to do next.
I would not recommend this.However, the next diffi cult year
forced me to think way deeper than I had to before. A weekly paycheck with benefi ts is a huge blessing, but one of-
tentimes cashes in something greater for the perceived security of some-thing predictable.
So, I considered that I want to in-spire others, to see people look beyond stale religion to a deeper, more event-ful and real relationship with God, whether or not they currently have or want one. I want to meet and build relationships with other people. I en-joyed biking. I wanted to stop living in fear of failure. I wanted to do more with what I had at my disposal.
I didn’t have a full-time job, so I didn’t have to be any-w h e r e . I was able to do s t a n d u p comedy, so I had a way to make money on the road. I have a sup-portive wife who trusts my judgment. I have two children who are homeschooled, so we have fl exibility with where and how we educate them.
So, the plan, aft er a few modifi ca-tions and one episode last December where we abandoned it altogether, is to leave at the end of this month and bike about 60 miles per day, 5 days per week for 8 weeks until we reach Rockwall, Texas. I have a friend who lives there whose encouragement was a huge catalyst for me to decide to take
a more active attempt in creating a healthy context for the next season of my life.
I will mostly be staying with strang-ers along the way, friends and/or fam-ily of friends and/or family or families whose hospitality I’ve become aware of by social networking. Th ey will pro-vide us lodging and good company. We will make a lot of friends across
the country.What’s been inspir-ing to me is the
c on f i r m at i on of my theory
upon the genesis of this idea - that p e o p l e w o u l d r a l l y a r o u n d the ridic-
ulousness of this plan
to assist in its formation. Be-
lieve me, I am far from being fi nan-
cially wealthy enough to consider this mission. It’s
happening because of the thousands of dollars that have been donated at my comedy shows over the last few months, stand-alone donations, lend-ings of a friend’s van, voluntary eff orts by complete strangers to house me and book gigs for me, prayers of close friends, a purchase of a GPS as a gift .
Th e list is even longer than that. It’s been amazing.
So now all I have to do is bike over 2000 miles. No sweat.
Or, perhaps that’s not correct. Th ere will be plenty of sweat and, unfortu-nately, probably a lot of dogs who will chase me around the country, looking at me as if I we re a juicy bike-riding steak.
A juicy, sweaty steak.Funnies Extra will still be around.
Th e beauty of what we do is that we can still put it together on the road. Th anks to technology, and for good or bad, there are a lot of things one can do with a laptop and an internet con-nection.
Heather and our new salespeople, Jessica and Chris, have done a great job preparing us with support so we can still off er laughs and smiles to the area during our brief absence.
Th ank you for reading and support-ing Funnies Extra and, by extension, my family. We really enjoy off ering this unique publication to the area and are excited to see it grow.
If you wish to join me in a fare-well performance the night before I head out on my adventure, please be at Camp Fair Haven at the West Lodge at 81 West Fair Haven Lane on Satur-day, April 27 at 7:00pm. Even with a GPS, it’s almost an impossible place to fi nd, but once you get there you’ll have a good time.
Admission is free, but I welcome any donations that can help me with needs while we are traveling.
I’ll be sharing a lot about how this trip has come together (in addition to the blogs I’ve already been post-ing on www.spokesandjokes.com). I’ll also share some of my song parodies, which people tend to laugh at.
It’ll be a good time. We hope to see you there.
Have Funny, Will Travel
by Chris Quimby
Chris Quimby is a husband, father, and publisher of Funnies Extra in Maine. A graphic designer and standup comedian, Chris has over ten years experience in the print industry. Chris and his wife, Heather, are excited to offer Funnies Extra to Maine, offering a fun and attractive departure from the norm. Chris can be reached at [email protected] or facebook.com/ChrisQuimby
A Message from the Publisher Guy
print & digital design207.557.3251 | nachotree.com
*The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of ni-trogen gas bubbles bursting. *Human hair and fi ngernails continue to grow after death. *It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.
I always fi nd random things in my pockets at the end of the day: paper clips, gum wrappers, dry cleaning receipts and the ever-present lint. These drawings are what’s left in my head when the day is done: the random “pocket lint” of my brain.
Chuck Downs is a carbon-based form of cartoonist who lives in Florida with his wife and two children. By day, he is vice president of marketing for a company that clearly does not conduct very thorough background checks. By night, he fi ghts crime. Now that he is old-er, his experience only walks the gamut for fear of pulling a ham-string. He often “misuses” quota-tion marks, and likes to frequently split his infi nitives.
Funnies Extra! will feature at least four straight issues of comic strips and panels from aspiring, non-syndicated cartoonists. Comic strips or cartoon panels may be published from cartoonists of any age, with a short bio. For submission guidelines and information,go to: www.funnies-extra.com/submissions. Send each furnished strip as a PDF fi le along with your name, age, address and phone number. Send 5 to 10 color submissions to: [email protected] and type “Spotlight” in the subject line.Good luck and have fun! (participation void where prohibited)
HOLLYWEIRD by MARK SIMON
14 | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013
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Agency Liquor Store On High Street In BelfastTagging Stations On Route 52 In Belfast And Morrill
Downtown Belfast | Open Every Day! | Downtown BelfastCOLBURN SHOE STORE | 338.1934
www.ColburnShoe.com | Like us on Facebookeboo
OWYHEE
CORONADO
COLBURN SHOE STORE | 338
D
COLBURN SHOE STORE | 338
CORONAD
NEW
SPRI
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MARK SIMON Producer/Director/Cartoonist
Mark Simon is 25-year fi lm & TV veteran amassing over 3,000 production credits including animation producer on Larry the Cable Guy’s latest movie, Tooth Fairy 2. His storyboard and animation companies, www.Storyboards-East.com, have included clients such as Disney, Uni-versal, Viacom, Sony, HBO, Nickelodeon, FOX, Steven Spielberg, USA Networks, ABC Tele-vision and many others. His experience selling original TV series le d to his founding www.SellYourTvConceptNow.com to mentor other creators. He is also the author of ten popular industry texts, and lectures around the world at major conferences, entertainment trade schools and universities.
POCKET LINT by CHUCK DOWNS
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ACROSS1 Madonna, e.g. 62 3, to 1/3 26 Send payment8 Canopy support 63 Spartan 29 18-wheeler
15 Oblivious 64 Traveling trunk 31 Junction points16 On the way 65 Oven setting 32 Ritzy digs17 Cassette 34 Big bully
collection DOWN 35 Funnyman 18 Porky Pig's 1 To ___ it mildly... Williams
problem, when 2 Stop ___ dime 36 Pass into lawspeaking 3 Soft food 38 Kyoto cash
19 Calligraphy tool 4 Used a broom 39 Insect stage20 Goblet feature 5 Police weapon 41 Watering holes21 Lots of fun, 6 Athletic venue 44 Pest-catching
slangily 7 Abbr. in some pooch22 Word after military titles 46 Fundamental
general or 8 Grant principleindependent 9 Intestinal 47 Insurance broker
26 Went on inflammation 48 Complete a horseback 10 Snare or tom-tom crossword
27 Commando 11 Poker prize 50 Use an S.O.S. weapon 12 Income's pad
28 Put in new cable opposite 51 Drunkard30 Beethoven's 13 Home follower 52 Calendar unit
birthplace 14 To the point 54 Campus 32 Kennel 20 Ballroom move quarters
youngster 22 Raised to the 57 Actress 33 Vocal quality third power Thompson37 Reveled in 23 Atmospheric 58 Commencement39 Blast furnace layer wear
output 24 Japanese 59 I told you so!40 Make numb mercenary 60 Baseball stat41 Public transport 25 Icky buildup 61 Allow42 Hefty horn43 Catch in a sting45 Nervous twitch46 Quartet member49 Workplace
trouble,sometimes
53 Long, long ____54 They're some-
times connected55 Dove sound56 Box office
success58 Courtroom figure
The Weekly Crossword
Answer to Last Week's Crossword
by Margie E. Burke
Copyright 2012 by The Puzzle Syndicate
O B S E S S P R O C A P SM O T L E Y R A P A B U TE N A M E L W A R E P O R EN E T V O T E R I D E A
E R R A N T E S T E E MS I M I A N L O T T OA D E P T M E N T A L A G EM E N A V E Y A M P O LE S T A T E T A X M A R E S
P A N E L R E W I R ES V E L T E L A U R E LC A M E T I E I N F L UO P E N I N G L O R I O U SP I N T A T E F U R O R SE D D Y N O D F E E L E R
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THE DEEP END by TYSON COLESPECTICKLES by BILL ABBOTT
VOL 2 ED 2 - APRIL 2013 | www.funnies-extra-maine.com | FUNNIES EXTRA! MIDCOAST EDITION | 15
No minimum balance or monthly fees.
Available with VISA debit card- just like writing a
check, but accepted anywhere you see VISA.
KSW@Home Home Banking. Allows you 24/7 account access online.
CUe-Statement View and store statements online- eliminates paper waste.
Online Bill Pay One-time $5 setup fee- pay virtually any bill from one site.
Mobile Banking Check balances and make transfers anywhere, anytime, from a mobile device. (text/data rates may apply)
e-Servicesenjoy our convenient
also...Free Personal Checking Accounts
135 WALDO AVENUE, BELFAST, ME 04915 | (207)338-5160 FAX: (207)338-6129222 COLLEGE AVENUE, WATERVILLE, ME 04901 | (207)872-5602 FAX: (207)872-5776