Frank Bidart Poems

7/25/2019 Frank Bidart Poems

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Homo Faber

Whatever lies still uncarried from the abyss within

me as I die dies with me.

Borges and I

We fill pre-existing forms and when we fill them we change them and are changed.

The desolating landscape in Borges !Borges and I" #in which the voice of !I" tells us that its other self$

Borges$ is the self who ma%es literature$ who in the process of ma%ing literature falsifies and exaggerates$

while the self that is spea%ing to us now must go on living so that Borges may continue to fashion literature

#is seductive and even oddly comforting$ but$ I thin%$ false.

The voice of this !I" asserts a disparity between its essential self and its worldly second self$ the self who

see%s embodiment through ma%ing things$ through wor%$ who in ma%ing ta%es on something false$

inessential$ inauthentic.

The voice of this !I" tells us that &pino'a understood that everything wishes to continue in its own being$ a

stone wishes to be a stone eternally$ that all !I" wishes is to remain unchanged$ itself.

With its lonely emblematic title$ !Borges and I" seems to be offered as a paradigm for the life of

consciousness$ the life of %nowing and ma%ing$ the life of the writer.

The notion that Fran% has a self that has remained the same and that %nows what it would be if its writing

self did not exist#li%e all assertions about the systems that hold sway beneath the moon$ the opposite of

this seems to me to be true$ as true.

When Borges !I" confesses that Borges falsifies and exaggerates it seems to do so to cast aside falsity and

exaggeration$ to attain an entire candor unobtainable by Borges.

This !I" therefore allows us to enter an inaccessible magic space$ a hitherto inarticulate space of intimacy

and honesty earlier denied us$ where voice$ for the first time$ has replaced silence.

#&weet fiction$ in which bravado and despair bec%on from a cold panache$ in which the protected essential

self suffers flashes of its existence to be immortali'ed by a writing self that is incapable of performing its

actions without mixing our essence with what is false.

Fran% had the illusion$ when he tal%ed to himself in the cliches he used when he tal%ed to himself$ that when

he made his poems he was changed in ma%ing them$ that arriving at the order the poem suddenly arrived at

out of the chaos of the materials the poem let enter itself out of the chaos of life$ consciousness then$ only

then$ could %now itself$ &herloc% Holmes was somebody or something before crac%ing its first case but not

&herloc% Holmes$ act is the crac%ed mirror not only of motive but self$ no other way $ tiny mirror that fails to

focus in small the whole of the great room.

But Fran% had the illusion that his poems also had cruelly replaced his past$ that finally they were all he

%new of it though he %new they were not$ everything else was shards refusing to ma%e a pattern and in any

case he had written about his mother and father until the poems saw as much as he saw and saw more and

he only saw what he saw in the act of ma%ing them.

He had never had a self that wished to continue in its own being$ survival meant ceasing to be what its being

was.



Fran% had the illusion that though the universe of one of his poems seemed so close to what seemed his

own universe at the second of writing it that he wasnt sure how they differed even though the

paraphernalia often differed$ after he had written it its universe was never exactly his universe$ and so$

soon$ it disgusted him a little$ the mirror was dirty and crac%ed.

&ecretly he was glad it was dirty and crac%ed$ because after he had made a big order$ a boo%$ only when he

had come to despise it a little$ only after he had at last given up the illusion that this was what was$ only

then could he write more.

He felt terror at the prospect of becoming again the person who could find or see or ma%e no mirror$ for

even (livier$ trying to trap the beast who had %illed his father$ when he suavely told Fran% as Fran% listened

to the phonograph long afternoons lying on the bed as a %id$ when (livier told him what art must be$ even

(livier insisted that art is a mirror held up by an artist who himself needs to see something$ held up before a

nature that recoils before it.

We fill pre-existing forms and when we fill them we change them and are changed.

)verything in art is a formal *uestion$ so he tried to do it in prose with much blan% white space.

)xcerpted from +esire, oems by Fran% Bidart. Farar$ &traus and iroux$ //0. 0opyright 1 2334

)llen West B5 F6789 BI+76T

I love sweets$#

heaven

would be dying on a bed of vanilla ice cream ...

But my true self

is thin$ all profile

and effortless gestures$ the sort of blond

elegant girl whose

body is the image of her soul.

#:y doctors tell me I must give up

this ideal;

but I

WI// 8(T ... cannot.

(nly to my husband Im not simply a !case."

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/bio/frank-bidart





But he is a fool. He married

meat$ and thought it was a wife.

. . .

Why am I a girl<

I as% my doctors$ and they tell me they

dont %now$ that it is =ust !given."

But it has such

implications#;

and sometimes$

I even feel li%e a girl.

. . .

8ow$ at the beginning of )llens thirty-second year$ her physical condition has deteriorated

still further. Her use of laxatives increases beyond measure. )very evening she ta%es sixty to

seventy tablets of a laxative$ with the result that she suffers tortured vomiting at night and

violent diarrhea by day$ often accompanied by a wea%ness of the heart. &he has thinned down

to a s%eleton$ and weighs only 3> pounds.

. . .

7bout five years ago$ I was in a restaurant$

eating alone

with a boo%. I was

not married$ and often did that ...

#Id turn down

dinner invitations$ so I could eat alone;

Id allow myself two pieces of bread$ with

butter$ at the beginning$ and three scoops of

vanilla ice cream$ at the end$#

sitting there alone

with a boo%$ both in the boo%

and out of it$ waited on$ idly



watching people$#

when an attractive young man

and woman$ both elegantly dressed$

sat next to me.

&he was beautiful#;

with sharp$ clear features$ a good

bone structure#;

if she too% her ma%e-up off

in front of you$ rubbing cold cream

again and again across her s%in$ she still would be

beautiful#

more beautiful.

7nd he$#

I couldnt remember when I had seen a man

so attractive. I didnt %now why. He was almost

a male version

of her$#

I had the sudden$ mad notion that I

wanted to be his lover ...

#Were they married<

were they lovers<

They didnt wear wedding rings.

Their behavior was circumspect. They discussed

politics. They didnt touch ...

#How could I discover<

Then$ when the first course

arrived$ I noticed the way

each held his for% out for the other



to taste what he had ordered ...

They did this

again and again$ with pleased loo%s$ indulgent

smiles$ for each course$

more than once for each dish#;

much too much for =ust friends ...

#Their behavior somehow sic%ened me;

the way each gladly

put the food the other had offered into his mouth#;

I %new what they were. I %new they slept together.

7n immense depression came over me ...

#I %new I could never

with such ease allow another to put food into my mouth,

happily myself put food into anothers mouth#;

I %new that to become a wife I would have to give up my ideal.

. . .

)ven as a child$

I saw that the !natural" process of aging

is for ones middle to thic%en#ones s%in to blotch;

as happened to my mother.

7nd her mother.

I loathed !8ature."

7t twelve$ panca%es

became the most terrible thought there is ...

I shall defeat !8ature."



In the hospital$ when they

weigh me$ I wear weights secretly sewn into my belt.

. . .

?anuary 2@. The patient is allowed to eat in her room$ but comes readily with her husband to

afternoon coffee. reviously she had stoutly resisted this on the ground that she did not really

eat but devoured li%e a wild animal. This she demonstrated with utmost realism.... Her

physical examination showed nothing stri%ing. &alivary glands are mar%edly enlarged on both

sides.

?anuary >2. Has been reading Faust again. In her diary$ writes that art is the !mutual

permeation" of the !world of the body" and the !world of the spirit" &ays that her own poems

are !hospital poems ... wea%#without s%ill or perseverance; only managing to beat their

wings softly."

February A. 7gitation$ *uic%ly subsided again. Has attached herself to an elegant$ very thin

female patient. Homo-erotic component stri%ingly evident.

February 2. Cexation$ and torment. &ays that her mind forces her always to thin% of

eating. Feels herself degraded by this. Has entirely$ for the first time in years$ stopped writing

poetry.

. . .

0allas is my favorite singer$ but Ive only

seen her once#;

Ive never forgotten that night ...

#It was in Tosca$ she had long before

lost weight$ her voicehad been$ for years$

deteriorating$ half itself ...

When her career began$ of course$ she was fat$

enormous#; in the early photographs$

sometimes I almost dont recogni'e her ...

The voice too then was enormous#

healthy; robust; subtle; but capable of



crude effects$ even vulgar$

almost out of

high spirits$ too much health ...

But soon she felt that she must lose weight$#

that all she was trying to express

was obliterated by her body$

buried in flesh#;

abruptly$ within

four months$ she lost at least sixty pounds ...

#The gossip in :ilan was that 0allas

had swallowed a tapeworm.

But of course she hadnt.

The tapeworm

was her soul ...

#How her soul$ uncompromising$

insatiable$must have loved eating the flesh from her bones$

revealing this extraordinarily

mercurial; fragile; masterly creature ...

#But irresistibly$ nothing

stopped there; the huge voice

also began to change, at first$ it simply diminished

in volume$ in si'e$

then the top notes became

shrill$ unreliable#at last$

usually not there at all ...

#8o one %nows why. erhaps her mind$

ravenous$ still insatiable$ sensed

that to struggle with the shreds of a voice



must ma%e her artistry subtler$ more refined$

more capable of expressing humiliation$

rage$ betrayal ...

#erhaps the opposite. erhaps her spirit

loathed the unending struggle

to embody itself$ to manifest itself$ on a stage whose

mechanics$ and suffocating customs$

seemed expressly designed to annihilate spirit ...

#I %now that in Tosca$ in the second act$

when$ humiliated$ hounded by &carpia$

she sang Cissi darte

#!I lived for art"#

and in torment$ bewilderment$ at the end she as%s$

with a voice reaching

harrowingly for the notes$

!7rt has repaid me /I9) THI&<"

I felt I was watching

autobiography#

an art; s%ill;

virtuosity

miles distant from the usual sopranosathleticism$#

the usual musicians dream

of virtuosity without content ...

#I wonder what she feels$ now$

listening to her recordings.

For they have already$ within a few years$

begun to date ...

Whatever they express



they express through the style of a decade

and a half#;

a style she helped create ...

#&he must %now that now

she probably would not do a trill in

exactly that way$#

that the whole sound$ atmosphere$

dramaturgy of her recordings

have =ust slightly become those of the past ...

#Is it bitter< +oes her soul

tell her

that she was an idiot ever to thin%

anything

material wholly could satisfy< ...

#erhaps it says, The only way

to escape

the History of &tyles

is not to have a body.

. . .

When I open my eyes in the morning$ my great

mystery

stands before me ...

#I %now that I am intelligent; therefore

the inability not to fear food

day-and-night; this unending hunger

ten minutes after I have eaten ...

a childish

dread of eating; hunger which can have no cause$#

half my mind says that all this



is demeaning ...

Bread

for days on end

drives all real thought from my brain ...

#Then I thin%$ 8o. The ideal of being thin

conceals the ideal

not to have a body#;

which is 8(T trivial ...

This wish seems now as much a !given" of my existence

as the intolerable

fact that I am dar%-complexioned; big-boned;

and once weighed

one hundred and sixty-five pounds ...

#But then I thin%$ 8o. Thats too simple$#

without a body$ who can%now himself at all<

(nly by

acting; choosing; re=ecting; have I

made myself#

discovered who and what )llen can be ...

#But then again I thin%$ 8(. This I is anterior

to name; gender; action;fashion;

:7TT)6 IT&)/F$#

... trying to stop my hunger with F((+

is li%e trying to appease thirst

with in%.

. . .

:arch DE. 6esult of the consultation, Both gentlemen agree completely with my prognosis and



doubt any therapeutic usefulness of commitment even more emphatically than I. 7ll three of

us are agreed that it is not a case of obsessional neurosis and not one of manic-depressive

psychosis$ and that no definitely reliable therapy is possible. We therefore resolved to give in

to the patients demand for discharge.

. . .

The train-ride yesterday

was far worse than I expected ...

In our compartment

were ordinary people, a student;

a woman; her child;#

they had ordinary bodies$ pleasant faces;

but I thought

I was surrounded by creatures

with the pathetic$ desperate

desire to be not what they were,#

the student was short$and carried his body as if forcing

it to be taller#;

the woman showed her gums when she smiled$

and often held her

hand up to hide them#;

the childseemed to cry simply because it was

small; a dwarf$ and helpless ...

#I was hungry. I had insisted that my husband

not bring food ...

7fter about thirty minutes$ the woman

peeled an orange

to *uiet the child. &he put a section



into its mouth#;

immediately it spit it out.

The piece fell to the floor.

#&he pushed it with her foot through the dirt

toward me

several inches.

:y husband saw me staring

down at the piece ...

#I didnt move; how I wanted

to reach out$

and as if invisible

shove it in my mouth#;

my body

became rigid. 7s I stared at him$

I could see him staring

at me$#

then he loo%ed at the student#; at the woman#; then

bac% to me ...

I didnt move.

#7t last$ he bent down$ and

casuallythrew it out the window.

He loo%ed away.

#I got up to leave the compartment$ then

saw his face$#

his eyes

were red;

and I saw



#Im sure I saw#

disappointment.

. . .

(n the third day of being home she is as if transformed. 7t brea%fast she eats butter and sugar$

at noon she eats so much that#for the first time in thirteen years#she is satisfied by her

food and gets really full. 7t afternoon coffee she eats chocolate creams and )aster eggs. &he

ta%es a wal% with her husband$ reads poems$ listens to recordings$ is in a positively festive

mood$ and all heaviness seems to have fallen away from her. &he writes letters$ the last one a

letter to the fellow patient here to whom she had become so attached. In the evening she ta%es

a lethal dose of poison$ and on the following morning she is dead. !&he loo%ed as she had

never loo%ed in life#calm and happy and peaceful."

. . .

+earest.#I remember how

at eighteen$

on hi%es with friends$ when

they rested$ sitting down to =o%e or tal%$

I circled

around them$ afraid to hi%e ahead alone$

yet afraid to rest

when I was not yet truly thin.

5ou and$ yes$ my husband$#you and he

have by degrees drawn me within the circle;

forced me to sit down at last on the ground.

I am grateful.

But something in me refuses it.

#How eager I have been



to compromise$ to %ill this refuser$#

but each compromise$ each attempt

to poison an ideal

which often seemed to me sterile and unreal$

heightens my hunger.

I am crippled. I disappoint you.

Will you greet with anger$ or

happiness$

the news which might well reach you

before this letter<

5our )llen.

8(T)&, This poem is based on /udwig Binswangers !+er Fall )llen West$" translated by Werner :. :endel and ?oseph /yons

G)xistence$ Basic Boo%s$ 23A. Binswanger names his patient !)llen West."

Fran% Bidart$ !)llen West" from In the Western 8ight, 0ollected oems 23@-233E. 0opyright 1 233E by Fran% Bidart.

olden &tateB5 F6789 BI+76T

I

To see my father

lying in pin% velvet$ a rosary

twined around his hands$ rouged$

lipstic%ed$ his s%in marble ...

:y mother said$ !He loo%s the way he did

thirty years ago$ the day we got married$#

Im glad I went;

I was afraid, now I can remember himli%e that ..."






6uth$ your last girlfriend$ who wouldnt sleep with you

or marry$ because you wanted her

to pay half the expenses$ and !His drin%ing

almost drove me cra'y#"

6uth once saw you

staring into a mirror$

in your ubi*uitous %erchief and cowboy hat$

say,

!Why cant I loo% li%e a cowboy<"

5ou left a bag of money; and were

the unhappiest man

I have ever %nown well.

II

Its in many ways

a relief to have you dead.

I have more money.

Ba%ersfield is easier, life isnt so nude$

now that I no longer have toface you each evening, mother is progressing

beautifully in therapy$ I can almost convince myself

a good analyst would have saved you,

for I need to believe$ as

always$ that your pervasive sense of disappointment

proceeded fromtrivial desires, but I fear

that beneath the wish to be a movie star$

cowboy$ empire builder$ all those

cheap desires$ lay

radical disaffection

from the very possibilities

of human life ...

5our wishes were too simple,

or too complex.



III

I find it difficult to imagine you

in bed$ ma%ing love to a woman ...

By common consensus$ you were a good lover,

and yet$

mother once said, !:arriage would be better

if it werent mixed up with sex ..."

?ust after the divorce$#when I was

about five$#I slept all night with you

in a motel$ and again and again

you begged me

to beg her to come bac% ...

I said nothing; but she went bac%

several times$ again and again

you would go on a binge$ there would beanother woman$

mother would leave ...

5ou always said$

!5our mother is the only woman Ive ever loved."

IC

(h &han%$ dont turn into the lies

of mere$ neat poetry ...

Ive been reading ?ung$ and he says that we can

never get to the bottom

of what is$ or was ...

But why things were as they were

obsesses; I %now that you



the necessity to contend with you

your helplessness

before yourself$

#has been at the center

of how I thin% my life ...

7nd yet your voice$ raw$

demanding$ dissatisfied$

saying over the telephone,

!How are all those bastards at Harvard<"

remains$ challenging, beyond all the

patterns and paradigms

I use to silence and stop it.

C

I dreamed I had my wish,

#I seemed to see

the conditions of my life$ upona luminous stage, how I could change$

how I could not, the root of necessity$

and choice.

The stage was labelled

!Insight".

The actors there

had no faces$ I cannot remember

the patterns of their actions$ butsimply by watching$

I %new that beneath my feet

the fixed stars

governing my life

had begun to fall$ and melt ...

#Then your face appeared$

laughing at the simplicity of my wish.



CI

7lmost every day

I ta%e out the letter you wrote me in aris.

... Why<

It was written

the year before you married &hirley; :yrtle$

your girlfriend$ was an ally of mine

because she !too% care of you$"

but you always

made it clear

she was too dumpy and crude to marry ...

In some ways !elegant$"

with a pencil-thin$ neatly clipped moustache$

chiselled$ 6oman nose$ you were

a millionaire

and always pretended

you couldnt afford to go to )urope ...

When I was a child$

you didnt seem to care if I existed.

Ba%ersfield$ 0alif

?uly 3$ 23@2

+ear inon$

&orry I havent wrote to you sooner but glad to hear that you are well and en=oyingaris.

I got your fathers day wire in the hospital where I put in about twelve days but I am very

well now. I *uit the ciggeretts but went through ten days of hell *uitting and my bac% had beengiving me hell.

It had been very hot here but the last few days has been very nice. )mily =ust got out of the



hospital yesterday. &he had her feet wor%ed on. I guess she will tell you about it. lad to hear

you are learning some French.

We are =ust about through with potatoes. 0rop was very good but no price at all which

made it a poor year. 0attle are cheap too. It loo% li%e a bad year for all farmers.

I dont %now anything else to tell you. Ta%e care of your self and en=oy it. :aybe you will

never have another chance for another trip. I dont thin% Ill ever get the chance to go$ so if you

run into a extra special gal between >A D send her over here to me as all I %now over here

dont amount to mutch. Well I guess Ill close now as I am going over to see )mily.

Hoping to hear from you right away.

This address is JE23 )ton &t. be sure and get it straight. :yrtle would li%e to %now how

much that watch amounts to. /et us %now

Will close now and write soon.

/ove K&han%

.&. )xcuse this writing as its about DE years since I wrote a letter.

CII

How can I say this<

I thin% my psychiatristli%es me, he %nows

the most terrible things Ive done$ every stupidity$

inade*uacy$ aw%wardness$

ignorance$ the mad girl I screwed

because she once again and again

teased and re=ected me$ and whose psychic incompetence

I grimly greeted as an occasion for revenge;

he greets my voice

with an interest$ and regard$ and affection$

which seem to signal Im worth love;

#you finally

forgave me for being your son$ and in the nasty

shambles of your life$ in which you had less and less

occasion for pride$ you were proud

of me$ the first Bidart

who ever got a B.7.; Harvard$ despite



your distrust$ was the crown;#but the way

you eyed me,

the bewilderment$ unease,

the somehow always

tentative$ suspended =udgment ...

#however much you tried Gand$ clearly$

you did try

you could not rema%e your

taste$ and li%e me, could not rema%e

yourself$ to give me

the grace

needed to loo% in a mirror$ as I often can

now$ with some e*uanimity ...

CIII

When did I begin to substitute

insight$ for prayer< ...

#5ou believed in neither,

but said$ !:y life is over$"

after you had married &hirley$

twenty-five years younger$ with three

small children$ the youngest

six months old; she was unfaithful

within two months$ the marriage was simply

annulled ...7 diabetic$ you didnt

ta%e your insulin when you dran%$ and

almost managed to die

many times ...

5ou punished 6uth

when she went to /os 7ngeles for a wee%end$ by

beginning to drin%; she would return home

either to find you in the hospital$

or in a coma on the floor ...



The exacerbation

of this seeming necessity

for connection#;

you and mother taught me

theres little thats redemptive or useful

in natural affections ...

I must unlearn; I must believe

you were merely a man

with a character$ and a past#;

you wore them$

unexamined$

li%e a nimbus of

furies

round your

greying$ awesome head ...

IL

What should I have done< In 23@D$you wanted to borrow ten thousand dollars

from me$ so that we could buy cattle

together$ under the name !Bidart and &on$"#

most of your money was tied up

in the increasingly noxious !Bidart Brothers$"

run by your brother$ ?ohnny ...

I said no$that I wanted to use the money

for graduate school; but I thought

if you went on a binge$ and as had happened

before$ simply threw it away ...

The Bidarts agreed

you were not to be trusted; you accepted

my answer$ with an air

of inevitability I was shoc%ed at ...



I didnt want to see your self-disgust;

#somehow$ your self-congratulation

had eroded more deeply$ much

more deeply$ than even I had wished$#

but for years$ how I had wished ...

I have a friend who says

that he has never felt a conflict

between something deeply wished or desired$

and what he thought was !moral" ...

Father$ such innocence

surely is a %ind of )den#; but$

somehow$ I cant regret that we

are banished from that company#;

in the awareness$ the

history of our contradictions and violence$

insofar as I am !moral" at all$

is the beginning of my moral being.

L

When I began this poem$

to see myself

as a piece of history$ having a past

which shapes$ and informs$ and thus inevitably

limits#

at first this seemed sufficient$ the beginning offreedom ...

The way to approach freedom

was to ac%nowledge necessity,#

I sensed I had to become not merely

a spea%er$ the !eye$" but a character ...

7nd you had to become a character, with a past$

with a set of internal contradictions and necessities

which if I could once define$ would at least

begin to release us from each other ...



But$ of course$ no such %nowledge is possible;#

as I touch your photographs$ they stare bac% at me

with the da''ling$ impenetrable$ glitter of mere life ...

5ou stand smiling$ at the end of the twenties$

in a suit$ and hat$

cane and spats$ with a collie at your feet$

happy to be handsome$ dashing$ elegant,#

and though I cannot connect this image

with the end of your life$ with the defensive

gnarled would-be cowboy$#

you seem happy at that fact$ happy

to be surprising; un%nowable; unpossessable ...

5ou say its what you always understood by freedom.

23@A-@3.

Fran% Bidart$ !olden &tate" from In the Western 8ight, 0ollected oems 23@-233E. 0opyright 1 233E by Fran% Bidart.

Herbert WhiteB5 F6789 BI+76T

MWhen I hit her on the head$ it was good$

and then I did it to her a couple of times$#

but it was funny$#afterwards$

it was as if somebody else did it...

)verything flat$ without sharpness$ richness or line.






&till$ I li%ed to drive past the woods where she lay$

tell the old lady and the %ids I had to ta%e a piss$

hop out and do it to her...

The whole buggy of them waiting for me

made me feel good;

but still$ =ust li%e I %new all along$

she didnNt move.

When the body got too discomposed$

INd =ust =ac% off$ letting it fall on her...

#It sounds cra'y$ but I tell you

sometimes it was beautiful#; I donNt %now how

to say it$ but for a minute$ everything was possible#;

and then$

then$#

well$ li%e I said$ she didnNt move, and I saw$

under me$ a little girl was =ust lying there in the mud,



and I %new I couldnNt have done that$#

somebody else had to have done that$#

standing above her there$

in those ordinary$ shitty leaves...

#(ne time$ I went to see +ad in a motel where he was

staying with a woman; but she was gone;

you could smell the wine in the air; and he started$

real embarrassing$ to cry...

He was still a little drun%$

and he as%ed me to forgive him for

all he hadnNt done#; but$ What the shit<

Who would have wanted to stay with :om< with bastards

not even his own %ids<

I got in the truc%$ and started to drive$

and saw a little girl#

who I pic%ed up$ hit on the head$ and

screwed$ and screwed$ and screwed$ and screwed$ then



buried$

in the garden of the motel...

#5ou see$ ever since I was a %id I wanted

to feel things ma%e sense, I remember

loo%ing out the window of my room bac% home$#

and being almost suffocated by the asphalt;

and grass; and trees; and glass;

=ust there$ =ust there$ doing nothing

not saying anything filling me up#

but also being a wall; dead$ and stopping me;

#how I wanted to see beneath it$ cut

beneath it$ and ma%e it

somehow$ come alive...

The salt of the earth;

:om once said$ N:anNs spun% is the salt of the earth...N



#That night$ at that Twenty-nine alms :otel

I had passed a million times on the road$ everything

fit together; was alright;

it seemed li%e

everything had to be there$ li%e I had spent years

trying$ and at last finally finished drawing this

huge circle...

#But then$ suddenly I %new

somebody else did it$ some bastard

had hurt a little girl#; the motel

I could see again$ it had been

itself all the time$ a lousy

pile of bric%s$ plaster$ that didnNt seem to

have to be there$#but was$ =ust by chance...

#(nce$ on the farm$ when I was a %id$

I was screwing a goat; and the rope around his nec%



when he tried to get away

pulled tight;#and =ust when I came$

he died...

I came bac% the next day; =ac%ed off over his body;

but it didnNt do any good...

:om once said,

N:anNs spun% is the salt of the earth$ and grows %ids.N

I tried so hard to come; more pain than anything else;

but didnNt do any good...

#7bout six months ago$ I heard +ad remarried$

so I drove over to 0onnecticut to see him and see

if he was happy.

&he was twenty-five years younger than him,

she had lots of little %ids$ and I donNt %now why$

I felt sha%y...

I stopped in front of the address; and

snuc% up to the window to loo% in...



#There he was$ a %id

six months old on his lap$ laughing

and bouncing the %id$ happy in his old age

to play the papa after years of sleeping around$#

it twisted me up...

To thin% that what he wouldnNt give me$

he wanted to give them...

I could have %illed the bastard...

#8aturally$ I =ust got right bac% in the car$

and believe me$ was determined$ determined$

to head straight for home...

but the more I drove$

I %ept thin%ing about getting a girl$

and the more I thought I shouldnNt do it$

the more I had to#

I saw her coming out of the movies$



saw she was alone$ and

%ept circling the bloc%s as she wal%ed along them$

saying$ N5ouNre going to leave her alone.N

N5ouNre going to leave her alone.N

#The woods were scary

7s the seasons changed$ and you saw more and more

of the s%ull show through$ the nights became clearer$

and the buds$#erect$ li%e nipples...

#But then$ one night$

nothing wor%ed...

8othing in the s%y

would blur li%e I wanted it to;

and I couldnNt$ couldnNt$

get it to seem to me

that somebody else did it...

I tried$ and tried$ but there was =ust me there$

and her$ and the sharp trees



saying$ NThatNs you standing there.

5ouNre...

=ust you.N

I hope I fry.

#Hell came when I saw

:5&)/F...

and couldnNt stand

what I see...M

6eprinted by permission of Farrar$ &traus and iroux$ //0,

MHerbert WhiteM from I8 TH) W)&T)68 8IHT, 0(//)0T)+ ():& 23@-233E by Fran% Bidart. 0opyright 1 233E

If &ee 8o )nd In IsB5 F6789 BI+76T

What none %nows is when$ not if.

8ow that your life nears its end

when you turn bac% what you see

is ruin. 5ou thin%$ It is a prison. 8o$

it is a vast resonating chamber in

which each thing you say or do is






new$ but the same. What none %nows is

how to change. )ach plateau you reach$ if

single$ limited$ only itself$ in-

cludes traces of all the others$ so that in the end

limitation frees you$ there is no

end$ if you once see what is there to see.

5ou cannot see what is there to seeP#

not when she whose love you failed is

standing next to you. Then$ as if refusing the %now-

ledge that life unseparated from her is death$ as if

again scorning your refusals$ she turns away. The end

achieved by the unappeased is burial within.

Familiar spirit$ within whose care I grew$ within

whose disappointment I twist$ may we at last see

by what necessity the double-bind is in the end

the figure for human life$ why what we love is

precluded always by something else we love$ as if

each no we spea% is yes$ each yes no.



The prospect is mixed but elsewhere the forecast is no

better. The eyrie where you perch in

exhaustion has food and is out of the wind$ if

cold. 5ou feel old$ young$ old$ young, you scan the sea

for movement$ though the promise of sex or food is

the prospect that bewildered you to this end.

&omething in you believes that it is not the end.

When you wa%e$ sixth grade will start. The finite you %now

you fear is infinite, even at eleven$ what you love is

what you should not love$ which endless bullies in-

tuit unerringly. The future will be different, you cannot see

the end. What none %nows is when$ not if.

In :emory of ?oe BrainardB5 F6789 BI+76T

the remnant of a vast$ oceanic

bruise Gwound delivered early and long ago

was in you purity and






sweetness self-gathered$ 0H(&)8

Q

When I tried to find words for the moral sense that unifies

and sweetens the country voices in your collage The Friendly Way$

you said ItNs a code.

5ou were a code

I yearned to decipher.#

In the end$ the plague that full swift runs by

too% you$ bro%e you;#

in the end$ could not

ta%e you$ did not brea% you#

you had somehow erased within you not only

meanness$ but anger$ the desire to punish



the universe for everything

not achieved$ not tasted$ seen again$ touched#;

. . . the undecipherable

code unbro%en even as the soul

learns once again the body it loves and hates is

made of earth$ and will betray it.

oem )nding with a &entence by Heath /edgerB5 F6789 BI+76T

)ach grinding flattened 7merican vowel smashed to

centerlessness$ his glee that whatever long ago mutilated his

mouth$ he has mastered to mutilate

you, the ?o%erNs voice$ so unli%e

the bruised$ withheld$ wounded voice of )nnis +el :ar.






(nce I have the voice

thatNs

the line

and at

the end

of the line

is a hoo%

and attached

to that

is the soul.

Fran% Bidart$ Moem )nding with a &entence by Heath /edgerM from :etaphysical +og. 0opyright 1 >E2D

&elf-ortrait$ 23@3

B5 F6789 BI+76T

HeNs still young#; thirty$ but loo%s younger#






or does he< . . . In the eyes and chee%s$ tonight$

turning in the mirror$ he saw his mother$#

puffy; angry; bewildered . . . :any nights

now$ when he stares there$ he gets angry,#

something unfulfilled there$ something dead

to what he once thought he surely could be#

8ow$ =ust the glamour of habits . . .

(nce$ instead$

he thought insight would rema%e him$ heNd reach

#what< The thrill$ the exhilaration

unravelling disaster$ that seemed to teach

necessary %nowledge . . . became =ust =argon.

&ic% of being decent$ he craves another

crash. What reaches him except disaster<

Fran% Bidart$ M&elf-ortrait$ 23@3M from In the Western 8ight, 0ollected oems 23@-233E. 0opyright 1 2334

&tan'as )nding with the &ame Two WordsB5 F6789 BI+76T

7t first I felt shame because I had entered

through the door mar%ed 5our +eath.






8ot a valuable word written

unsteeped in your death.

5ou are the ruin whose arm encircles the young woman

at the posthumous bar$ before your death.

The grass is still hungry

above you$ fed by your death.

9ill whatever %illed your father$ your life

turning to me again said before your death.

Hard to grow old still hungry.

5ou were still hungry at your death.

Fran% Bidart$ M&tan'as )nding with the &ame Two WordsM from &tar +ust. 0opyright 1 >EE

The Fourth Hour of the 8ight B5 F6789 BI+76T

I






(ut of scarcity$#

... being.

Because$ when you were nine$ your father

was murdered$

betrayed.

Because the traveler was betrayed by those with

whom he had the right to see%

refuge$ the TatRrs.

Because the universe then allowed a creature

stronger$ taller$ more

ruthless than you

to fasten around your nec% a thic% wooden wheel



impossible

to throw off.

Because at nine your cunning was not e*ual

to iron-fastened

immense wood.

Because$ stripped of what was his from birth$ the slave

at ten

outwitted

the universe$ tore the wheel from his nec%, #

because your nec%

carries it still$ &carcity is the mother of being.

Q



Hour in which betrayal and slavery

are the great teachers.

Hour in which ac*uisition

loo%s li%e$ and for

a moment is$ safety.

Hour in which the earth$ loo%ing into

a mirror$ names what it sees

by the history of weapons.

Hour from which I cannot wa%e.

II

0hang-chun was determined that he would not



prostrate himself before

the con*ueror of the world

though 7lexander the reat$ drun%$ had

executed 7ristotles nephew when he refused

to grovel before his uncles pupil.

Q

0hang-chun bowed his head with clasped

hands. The reat 9han was gracious.

Though 0hang-chun$ much younger$

had refused invitations from the 9ing of old

and even the emperor of Hang-chou$ now$

in his old age$ he discovered he was



tired of waiting for apotheosis.

7t last invited to court by the terrifying

con*ueror of the world$ he said 5es.

Q

He traveled for a year and a half

following the route the reat 9han

himself had ta%en. He passed valley after valley

that$ years later$ still were filled with

ungathered$ whitening bones.

Q

He bowed his head with clasped hands.

The most powerful man on earth



then as%ed him to teach him the secret

of the Taoist mastersP#

the elixir

that allows men to cheat death.

Temu=in was in pain. Temu=in

for fifty years lived as if immortalP#

though surrounded$ all his life$ by death.

8ow he had fallen from a horse. The in=ury

had not entirely$ after much

time$ healed. He brooded about death$ his

death. 8ow he must con*uer the ancient

secret



that would bend

heaven to his need.

He as%ed 0hang-chun for the fabled

elixir.

III

The world. He was born at the great worlds

poor far edge. In order to see the rich

debris that must lie at the bottom of the sea$

he suc%ed and suc%ed till he swallowed

the ocean.

Q



Buddhists$ Taoists$ :uslims$ 8estoriansP#

he summoned

each. )ach elo*uent spo%esman

praised abnegations$ offered transformation$ even

ecstasiesP#; =ust renounce

sex$ or food$ or love.

Q

)ating power$ he fuc%ed a new woman every night.

Best$ he said$ was the wife or daughter or mother of

an enemy.

Q

He watched his friend Boorchu hunt



each day as if hunting were the purpose of life$ wor%

sufficient for a man. 7s a boy he discovered his

wor% when he had a wooden wheel around his nec%,

to escape the wheel.

)very single thing tastes li%e$ ree%s with

the power that put it there. Weapons

%eep in place

who gets rewarded how much for what. The world

Q

is good at telling itself this is a lie. The world.

IC



)ach unit made up of

ten, ten soldiers

whose leader reports to a unit of one

hundred soldiers$ whose leader reports to a unit of one

thousand soldiers$ whose leader reports to a unit of

ten thousand.

With iron logic he had raised the great structure

from the flat

internecine earth

G#Pabyss where absolute$ necessary

power

is fettered$ bewildered by something wor%ing within us$



:S+ I8 TH) C)I8&$ to paraly'e

decisionP#; as well as by that necessary

sweet daring

that leaps across the abyss to ris% all$ to correct and cripple

power$ #P

... but then finds$ in despair$ it must try to master it.

C

Though Temu=ins father$ alive$ was

%han

the remnant of his family was$ at his

poisoning$ driven from the circle of the wagons.



Temu=in

had shining eyes$ but at nine no force.

They survived by eating roots$ berries$ stray

rodents$ birds the boys

cunning pulled from the air.

Q

Temu=ins father out of his mother had two sons.

His poisoned

father$ out of his second wife$ also had two sons.

Q

(ne day$ with a freshly sharpened =uniper

arrow$ he brought down a lar%$ and his



half-brother$ Be%ter$ nearly his age$

reaching the bird first$ refused to give it up.

Temu=in ran to his mother$ who told him he must

accept this$ that four boys with two

women alone must cease fighting.

With his bow and arrow$ the next day Temu=in

murdered his half-brother.

Q

His half-brother at each moment relentlessly

disputed and clearly forever would

dispute everything Temu=in possessed.

Q



When he confessed to his mother she shrie%ed

only his shadow

ever again could bear to be with him.

He didnt believe her. &he lived

blinded by panic. He loo%ed

around him. Human beings

live by %illing other living beings.

Q

His fathers rival$ who told his father that Temu=in

had shining eyes$ when his father

died decided he now could ma%e Temu=in a slave.

Temu=in rammed

the wheel down on the idiot guards

s%ull.



&or*an-shira and his sons found him

drowning among

reeds at the edge of the river.

Fren'ied$ ris%ing their

lives$ &or*an-shira and his sons

wor% to cut away the wheel from his body.

Q

The arrow flew

as if of itself.

Temu=ins half-brother turned and saw

Temu=ins unerring aim

aimed at

his chest.



Before the arrow

was released

his half-brother did not beg to live.

His half-brothers

ga'e was filled with

everything that would happen would happen.

Q

In the delirium of Temu=ins adult

dreams$ the %nife he stole

escaping

is useless

in unloc%ing

the wheel.



Q

How each child finds that it must deal with

the intolerable

becomes its fate.

Q

W ( 6 / +

with this 7 6 6 ( W

I thee wed.

CI

)ven the con*ueror of the world



is powerless against the dead.

The most intricate plan his friend ?amu*a

ever accomplished

was to ma%e Temu=in execute him.

Q

They met as boys.

By the fro'en waters of the (non$ Temu=in

gave ?amu*a the %nuc%lebone of a deer.

?amu*a gave Temu=in the %nuc%lebone of a deer.

They could see their breaths. They mingled

breaths. They swore they were anda$

brothers. They sharpened arrowsP#P=uniper$ cypress.



Q

When they met again$ many years

later$ Temu=ins

wife$ Borte$ had been sei'ed by another tribe.

?amu*a commanded a whole tribe. He

pledged his friend twenty thousand men.

Temu=in also by this time was chief$ but of

many fewer. The two friends and two armies

found and freed Borte after nine months.

The anda celebrated by the waters of the (non.

Q



They were too drun%$ too happy. ?amu*a

pulled a blan%et over himself and Temu=in.

They lay all night under the same blan%et.

Q

For either to have expressed desire$ to have

reached$ would have been to offer the ob=ect of desire

power. It could not be done.

Q

?amu*a forever wants them to

do it to them

together$ in tandem$ two couples next to

each otherP#; so Temu=in can and must



loo% over and see his insouciant

bravado as he dismounts$ hear ?amu*as

girl cry out first$ more =aggedly.

Q

When the chiefs gather to choose$ for

the first time in decades$ a reat 9han$

to ?amu*as surprise

Temu=in is chosen. &omeone points out

his family is royalP#; ?amu*a

is merely descended from a favorite concubine.

Q

7t feasts$ ?amu*a thin%s supplicants



shuffle him aside to reach Temu=in.

7s the world more and more defers to Temu=in

?amu*a becomes$ in his own eyes$ a ghost.

He is the memory of ?amu*a.

Q

In the new army under Temu=in$ aristocracy has

few privileges. 7 friend who has fought under

?amu*a for years must$ to rise$ compete

against peasants. anache$ the sweet disdain for

mere conse*uences$ gain$ victory$ is lost.

Q

:any$ li%e the tribe that tried to enslave him$ will



never accept Temu=in.

Whenever a new group rebels$ Temu=in finds

?amu*a is in their company.

Q

:en dont want to serve under ?amu*aP#P

because his friend would not fight against

the reat 9han$ he cut off the friends head$ and hung it

from his horses tail.

Q

?amu*a =oined the 8ayman army;

?amu*a deserted the 8ayman army.

Q



7n outcast with five last remaining

followers$ ?amu*a

in the high snowy Tangu mountains

at the very limit of his native country

as he eats a wild ram he has %illed and roasted

is ta%en prisoner by his companions

and delivered to Temu=in.

CII

5our father sei'ed your mother as a girl

=ust after her

marriage to someone from her own tribe. This was

common practice. ?ust after



your marriage$ the same tribe

sei'ed your wife$ and gave her to the brother of the chief.

7ll proceeded from desireP#Pfrom

deferred =ustice$ the chancre of unclosed

in=ury. This bred

enmity through generation after generation$ blood

feuds$ tribe against tribe against tribe.

7s the reat 9han$ Temu=in outlawed such

sei'ures. He did What was there to be done.

Q

The axes of your wor%$ wor% that

throughout the illusory chaos of your life



absorbed your essential

mind$ were there alwaysP#PWhat was

there to be done. 5ou saw many men

refuse$ or try to refuse

what needed to be done. Whether they could not

find it$ or were$ finding it$ disgusted$ they

without it wandered$ li%e ?amu*a.

Q

When Temu=in entered the dar% room the prisoner

was na%ed.

His genitals hung pendant$ bulbousP#P



as if swollen

from rubbing.

He still is a creature that is beautiful$ but all dirty.

Q

?amu*a said$ What you must do is %ill me.

I will never accede to your power.

7live$ I will rally your enemies.

+ead$ I will$ in their eyes$ =ust be one more fool.

Temu=in replied that he

could not. They had been$ since boyhood$

anda. Without him$ would he have recovered

Borte<



?amu*a replied that he did not want his s%in

bro%en during

execution. He repeated$ twice$

I will never accede to your power.

Temu=in refused. ?amu*a was

sic% in the head. Healthy men dont want to die.

Q

?amu*a escaped. Two men who Temu=in valued

died bringing him bac%.

Then ?amu*a escaped again. When ?amu*a was

returned again$ Temu=in

hesitated for months.



Then he granted his wish.

Q

He insisted the s%in not be bro%en.

When he saw the body$ the head was severed$

as if someone for some reason had been

furious.

Q

Temu=in was furious with him for letting

pride$ some

sic%ness of the mind$ poison

feeling$#P

... they had been$ since boyhood$ anda.



Q

)ven the con*ueror of the world

is powerless against the dead.

He saw$ smelt

the carcass of

?amu*a$#P

... who had %nown that Temu=in was too

smart not to be$ by his

death$ forever tormented.

Q

He watched you ta%e from him what he thought was

hisP#Pthe world of indolent chaos



inhabited by the beautiful

and luc%yP#P

fuc% anything that wal%s$ if that is whatever inside you

demands. In the end the something

that was bro%en in him was mute.

He insisted that it did not exist.

CIII

There was an immense silence between Temu=in and Borte.

Q

In the beginning$ sweetness$ because there had been no need to tal%.

Q



Temu=ins father had ta%en him at nine on a =ourney to find Temu=in a bride.

Q

&he was ten$ and beautiful.

Q

His father and her father were old allies$ and it was agreed.

Q

(n the way home the TatRrs poisoned his father.

Q

Temu=in was sixteen when they were at last married.

Q



Within days$ Borte was abducted.

Q

Borte was abducted because$ when their camp was attac%ed$ there was only one free horse.

Q

Temu=in thrust the horse at his mother$ not his wife.

Q

This was as it should be.

Q

Borte %new this$ accepted this.

Q



When she returned from those who had sei'ed her$ she returned about to give birth.

Q

Temu=in did not as% what humiliations she had endured.

Q

Whose child was it<

Q

It could have been Temu=ins or the creatures who too% her.

Q

Temu=in declared the child$ a son$ his.

Q



He needed to be perceived$ among his own people$ as someone of impeccable =ustice.

Q

&omeone whose rectitude is above vanity.

Q

They had three more sons.

Q

He needed legitimate sons.

Q

Borte raised$ as well$ orphans that Temu=ins soldiers pluc%ed from burning villages that they

themselves had burned.



Q

Those thus saved proved to be among the fiercest$ the most loyal of his soldiers.

Q

7fter Borte returned$ the armies of Temu=in and ?amu*a camped together for a year and a half.

Q

Borte and Temu=ins mother found the closeness between the two men humiliating$ an insult$

an embarrassment.

Q

Borte and Temu=ins mother told Temu=in that as long as he was tied to this debauched$ fic%le

friendship$ the other chiefs never would choose Temu=in as the reat 9han.

Q

It was the first month of spring.



Q

The two armies had to move off to fresh gra'ing.

Q

Temu=in$ furious$ listened to the two women as if he were a statue.

Q

He heard ?amu*a say that camp pitched on the slopes of the mountain gave the herders of

horses what they wanted$ but camp pitched on the ban%s of the river was better for the

herders of sheep.

Q

The women said that when night fell and ?amu*as wagon stopped to pitch camp Temu=ins

wagon should continue.

Q



Temu=ins wagon as ?amu*as wagon stopped to pitch camp on a mountainside continued.

Q

7s the night passed the clans reali'ed what was happening$ and$ frightened$ debated to stop

with ?amu*a or stop with Temu=in.

Q

&chisms within a tribe$ even sometimes within a clan.

Q

(ne shaman dreamt that a cow white as snow struc% at ?amu*as wagon until it bro%e one of

its horns$ bellowing that ?amu*a had to give bac% its lost horn$ stri%ing the ground with its

hoof.

Q

The shaman dreamt that a white bull followed Temu=ins wagon bellowing that Heaven and

)arth have decided the empire should be Temu=ins.



Q

When Temu=in heard this he promised the shaman thirty concubines.

Q

7s day bro%e and Temu=in at last stopped$ count could be ta%en of which clans followed

Temu=in and which stopped with ?amu*a.

Q

Temu=in camped near the sources of the (non.

Q

The clans who had chosen Temu=in in the disorder and uncertainty of the night now were

=oined by others.

Q



They had weighed the situation.

Q

Temu=in was famous for the care and probity of his decisions.

Q

The princes of the royal blood =oined Temu=in.

Q

:any days passed before Temu=in loo%ed directly at Borte when they spo%e.

Q

&he was the vehicle of necessity.

Q



(f what had to be.

Q

He would not forgive her.

Q

In time$ he lost interest in forgiving her.

Q

When he returned from his last long campaign which lasted eight unbro%en years$ he was

grateful she did not as% about each nights new woman.

Q

In time$ near the sources of the (non the princes of the royal blood elected Temu=in reat

9han.

Q



Fame clung to the story of how he saved the beautiful Borte.

Q

The irony was not lost on Borte that as :other of (rphans she was married to the force that

made them orphans.

IL

(nly at the age of thirty-nine Temu=in

at last was master of all :ongolia.

The emissaries of the 9ings of old

had played tribe against tribe

all his life$ to castrate them.

To achieve unity$ to achieve the empire

essential to maintain unity



half the tribes had to be massacred.

Q

The TatRrs %illed his father$ then after

subduing them$ followed by their unending

involuted betrayals and rebellions$

Temu=in without

sorrow exterminated them.

)very male standing higher than a wagon axle

was %illed;

the rest enslaved.

Q



)xtermination

is not a *uestion of vengeance. It is a *uestion of

safety. (f not allowing what happened to happen.

Q

Snder Temu=in$ the :ongols crossed the reat Wall

that the 9ingdom of old over centuries

built to contain them.

Before them$ the lush$ cultivated great plain

stretched five hundred miles$#

... from Bei=ing to 8an%ing.

Q

Between the :ongols and the 9ings of old



lay a trench of

blood$ inexpiable wrongs.

Fifty years earlier$ betraying TatRrs handed off

the :ongol %han 7mba*ay

to Bei=ings

9ing of old$P#P

... who impaled him on a wooden ass.

Q

Temu=in drummed into his troops past atrocities.

7fter they too% Huai-lai$ the ground for some ten miles

around was for years still strewn with human bones.

Q



The full fury of the :ongols was reserved

for the great cities of Islam.

Their &ultan had twice murdered Temu=ins emissariesP#P

what rose in Temu=in was the rage to annihilate

not =ust the civili'ation that

insulted him$ but what made it possible ...

In the end$ there was little left for his tax collectors

in the future to tax.

This was a world everywhere on the edge of desertP#P

the :ongols in fury dismantled the intricate

networ%s that preserved and gathered and channeled

water. Without dams$ without the multitudinous



screens of trees that were the handiwor% of centuries$

for &amar%and$ for the cities of &chehera'ade$

not =ust defeat$ but dismemberment.

Q

8ightmare from which not even the rich awo%e.

Q

......................... &tonewor%

of hive-li%e

intrication$ its hard

face airy as lace$

indifferent hooves erased to sand.



L

0hang-chun thought if he answered honestly

he would be executed.

He as%ed Temu=in

to tell him Temu=ins story.

The reat 9han$ to his own surprise$ wasnt

offended. He li%ed the earnest old man.

&ei'ed$ suddenly absorbed$ with relish

he began to tell the old man his

story$ omitting nothing he imagined essential.

The Taoist master at last answered that there exists

no elixir for eternal life.



He told him that the largest s*uare

has no corners.

He told him that they go east and west at

the will of the wind$ so that in the end

they %now not if the wind carries them

or they the wind.

But as Temu=in listened to his own voice tell

his story$ the lineaments of his story$ this

is what he heard,P#P

Because you could not master whatever

enmeshed you

you became its slaveP#P

5ou learned this bitterly$ early.



In order not to become its slave

you had to become its master.

5ou became

its master.

)ven as master$ of course$ you remain its slave.

Q

7 & H. What yesterday was the loc%step

logic of his every

position$ purity in which he too% =ust

pride$ cunning

solutions to what the universe thrust at him

appeared to him now ash$ not



his$ or$ if

his$ not his.

Q

Too often now he wo%e with his mouth

gasping above water$ the great wooden

wheel around his nec% now

buoy$ now too

heavy to lift.

?amu*as face$ mutilatedP#P

?amu*a$ with whom

he lay under the same blan%et.

The familiar universe began to assume its shape.



Inherent

enmity of e*uals. )ach master

not a master. 7 fraud. 7 master slave.

Q

His own voice said it.

Q

(ld$ he included

himself in his scorn for those who

young want the opposite of this earth

then settle

for more of it.



Q

The life he had not

led$ could not even now lead

was a burning-glass

between himself

and the sun.

Q

Temu=in saw that the Taoist master

was terrified.

The old man$ facing

the verge$ had leapt into the seaP#P

he had given the con*ueror of the world

simply what he had already.



He li%ed the old man. 7fter dallying

for months discussing

the dead surrounding them

he allowed him to return to his own country.

Q

:aster

slave$ you who have survived thus far

the lottery of who will live$ and who will dieP#P

contemplate enghis 9han$ great$

ocean

%han$ born Temu=in$ master slave.

LI



The death of his grandson :utugen

seemed to Temu=in

harbinger of his own death. This boy

raised in a desert dust-storm

was innocent of dust.

He who made one imagine something

undeformed could emerge from deformity

died by an arrow.

That he should dieP#.

That he should die assaulting a :uslim citadel

meant that Temu=in himself$ bareheaded$

too% part in the final attac% that destroyed it$



that every living thing therein$ man and beast$

the child slain in its mothers womb$

must dieP#; that no loot$ no booty

should be ta%en$ but everything inexorably

erased; a place thereafter forever accursed.

Q

When Temu=in heard of his grandsons death$

he learned it before the boys own father.

He called all his sons to share a meal$ and at it

announced that he was angry

his sons no longer obeyed him.

?aghatay$ :utugens father$ protested.



Then Temu=in told ?aghatay that the boy

was dead.

a'ing fixedly$ Temu=in with a cho%ed

voice forbade

?aghatay 6I)F.

Forbade him not =ust the signs of grief$ but 6I)F itself.

He %ept them at table for hours. 7t the end

?aghatay$ when Temu=in left the room$ wept.

Q

He now %new how he wanted to be buried.

He wanted the course of the (non temporarily

divertedP#; there$ at its muddy center$



burial in a sealed chamber.

Then the river

sent bac% over it.

7ny travelers encountering by chance

the funeral cortege

were to be executed.

LII

Imagination

clings to

apotheosis$#P

... those who inherit



the powerful

dead imagine

them and cling.

Hero to his people$#P

... curse Gexcept in

imagination

to everyone else.

The dream I dreamed

was not denied me.

It was not$ in

the mind$ denied me.

Q

This is the end of the fourth hour of the night.

&ource, oetry G:ay >E2.



The 6eturnB5 F6789 BI+76T

7s the retreating Bructeri began to burn their own

possessions$ to deny to the 6omans every sustenance but

ashes$

a flying column sent by ermanicus

commanded by /ucius &tertinius

routed them;

and there$ discovered amid plunder and the dead$

was the )agle of the nineteenth

legion$ lost with Carus.

The 6omans now

brought to the land of the Bructeri$#to whatever lay

between the river )ms and the river /ippe$






to the very edge of their territory$#

devastation;

until they reached at last

the Teutoburgian Wood$

in whose dar%ness

Carus and the remains of his fifteen thousand men$

it was said$ lay unburied.

ermanicus then conceived a desire

to honor with obse*uies these unburied warriors whose

massacre once filled 7ugustus himself with rage and

shame$#

with hope or fear every corner of the )mpire$#

while the least foot soldier$ facing alien



terrain$ was overcome with pity when he

thought of family$ friends$ the sudden

reversals of battle$ and shared human fate.

First 0aecina and his men

entered$#

ordered to reconnoitre the dismal

treacherous passes$ to attempt to build bridges and

causeways across the uneven$ sodden marshland$#

then the rest of the army$ witness to scenes

rending to sight and memory of sight.

Carus first camp$ with its wide sweep and deployment



of ordered space in confident dimension$

testified to the calm labors of three legions;#

then a ruined half-wall and shallow ditch

showed where a desperate remnant had

been driven to ta%e cover;#

on the open ground between them

were whitening bones$ free

from putrefaction$#

scattered where men had been struc% down

fleeing$ heaped up

where they had stood their ground before slaughter.

Fragments of spears and horses limbs lay

intertwined$ while human



s%ulls were nailed

li%e insults to the tree-trun%s.

8earby groves held the altars

on which the savage ermans

sacrificed the tribunes and chief centurions.

&urvivors of the catastrophe slowly began$ at last$

to spea%$#

the handful who had escaped death or slavery

told their fellow soldiers where the generals

fell$ how the )agles and standards were sei'ed;#

one showed where Carus received his first wound$ and

another$ where he died by his own melancholy hand;#



those thrown into crude pits saw

gibbets above them$

as well as the platform from which 7rminius

as if in delirium harangued

his own victorious troops$#

fury and rancor so =oined to his

=oy$ the imprisoned men thought they would soon be butchered$#

until desecration of the )agles at last satisfied

or exhausted his arrogance.

7nd so$ six years after the slaughter$

a living 6oman army had returned

to bury the dead mens bones of three whole legions$#

no man %new whether the remains that he had

gathered$ touched perhaps in consigning to the earth$ were



those of a stranger or a friend,#

all thought of all

as comrades and

bloodbrothers; each$ in common rising

fury against the enemy$ mourned at once and hated.

When these events were reported to 6ome

0ynics whispered that thus the cunning &tate

enslaves us to its failures and its fate.#

)picureans saw in the ghostly mire

an emblem of the nature of +esire.#

&toics replied that life is War$ I//S&I(8

the source$ the goal$ the end of human action.



7t the dedication of the funeral

mound$ ermanicus laid the first earth$#

thereby honoring the dead$ and choosing to demonstrate

in his own person his

heartfelt share in the general grief.

He thereby earned the disapproval of Tiberius$#

perhaps because the )mperor interpreted

every action of ermanicus unfavorably; or he may have felt

the spectacle of the unburied dead

must give the army less alacrity for battle and more

respect for the enemy#

while a commander belonging to



the anti*ue priesthood of the 7ugurs

pollutes himself by handling

ob=ects belonging to the dead.

on the open ground

whitening bones scattered where men had been struc% down

fleeing

heaped up

where they stood their ground

Carus first camp with its

wide sweep

across the open ground



the ruined

half-wall and shallow ditch

on the open ground between them

whitening bones scattered where men had been struc% down

fleeing

heaped up

where they stood their ground

I have returned here a thousand times$

though history cannot tell us its location.

7rminius$ relentlessly pursued by

ermanicus$ retreated into pathless country.



G7fter Tacitus$ 7nnals$ 2$ @E#@D

Fran% Bidart$ !The 6eturn" from +esire. 0opyright 1 2334

The Third Hour of the 8ight B5 F6789 BI+76T

When the eye

When the edgeless screen receiving

light from the edgeless universe

When the eye first

When the edgeless screen facing

outward as if hypnoti'ed by the edgeless universe

When the eye first saw that it

Hungry for more light

resistlessly began to fold bac% upon itself TWI&T






7s if a dog sniffing

Ignorant of origins

familiar with hunger

7s if a dog sniffing a dead dog

Before nervous li%e itself but now

weird inert cold nerveless

Twisting in panic had abruptly sniffed itself

When the eye

first saw that it must die When the eye first

Brooding on our origins you

as% When and I say

Then



Q

wound-dresser let us call the creature

driven again and again to dress with fresh

bandages and a pail of disinfectant

suppurations that cannot

heal for the wound that confers existence is mortal

wound-dresser

what wound is dressed the wound of being

Q

Snderstand that it can drin% till it is

sic%$ but cannot drin% till it is satisfied.

It alone %nows you. It does not wish you well.



Snderstand that when your mother$ in her only

pregnancy$ gave birth to twins

painfully stitched into the flesh$ the bone of one child

was the impossible-to-remove cloa% that confers

invisibility. The cloa% that maimed it gave it power.

ainfully stitched into the flesh$ the bone of the other child

was the impossible-to-remove cloa% that confers

visibility. The cloa% that maimed it gave it power.

)nvying the other$ of course each twin

tried to punish and become the other.

Snderstand that when the beast within you

succeeds again in paraly'ing into unending



incompletion whatever you again had the temerity to

try to ma%e

its triumph is made sweeter by confirmation of its

rectitude. It %nows that it alone

%nows you. It alone remembers your mothers

mothers grasping immigrant bewildered

stro%e-filled slide-to-the-grave

you wiped from your adolescent 7merican feet.

5our hic% purer-than-thou overreaching veiling

mediocrity. Snderstand that you can delude others but

not what you more and more

now call the beast within you. Snderstand



the cloa% that maimed each gave each power.

Snderstand that there is a beast within you

that can drin% till it is

sic%$ but cannot drin% till it is satisfied. Snderstand

that it will use the conventions of the visible world

to turn your tongue to stone. It alone

%nows you. It does

not wish you well. These are instructions for the wrangler.

II

Three Fates. (ne

fate$ with three faces.

0lotho /achesis 7tropos



Thread spun by one

from all those forever unspun.

Thread touched by one and in

touching twisted into something

forever unli%e all others spun.

Thread touched by one and in

touching withered to nothing.

7tropos /achesis 0lotho

Three$ who gave us in recompense

for death

the first alphabet$ to engrave in stone

what is most evanescent$



the mind. 7ccording to Hesiod$ daughters of 8ight.

Q

Snless teeth devour it it

rots, now is its season.

:y teeth have sun% into firm-s%inned

pears so succulent time stopped.

When my wife$ dead now

ten years$ pulls her dress over her petticoats

and hair$ the air crac%les$ her hair rising

tangles in ecstasy. We are electric ghosts.

Q

5ou hear the strange cric%et in the oven



sing$ and as% what it sings.

This is what it sings.

Because Benvenuto in my native tongue

means welcome$ write

here lies an artist who did not

recoil from residence on earth # but$

truly named$ welcomed it.

But I mis-spo%e, not wife. &ervant, model, mother

of my child$ also now dead.

Q

In prison$ immured in the blac% pit where the ope

once fed Benedetto da Foiano less and less each day

until ods will$ not the opes own hand$ %illed him$ #



where outside my door each day the castellan

repeated that dar%ness will teach me I am

a counterfeit bat$ and he a real one$ #

blac%ness$ silence so unremitted

I %new I had survived another day only by the malignant

welcome singsong of his triumphant voice$ #

Benvenuto is a counterfeit bat$ and I a real one$ #

where od had not found me worthy of seeing the sun

even in a dream$ I as%ed the od of 8ature

what unexpiated act the suffocation of my senses$ such

suffering$ served to expiate.

GThis was my first prison.

Q



For the two murders I had committed$ # their =ust$

free but necessary cause

revenge$ however imperfect the =ustice #

two successive opes recogni'ed the necessity

and pardoned me. 7bsolved me.

Because my fame as a ma%er in gold and silver

preceded me$ though I was hardly more

than an apprentice$ when ope 0lement came into

possession of the second largest diamond in the world

he summoned me from Florence to 6ome # called me

into his presence to serve him. To crown the resplendent

glittering vestment covering his surplice$ he wanted



a golden clasp big and round as a small

plate$ with od the Father in half-relief above the diamond

and cherubs$ arms raised$ below. Hurry$ he said$

finish it *uic%ly$ so that I may en=oy its

use a little while.

ope 0lement$ unli%e the great I now serve$ was

an excellent$ subtle

connoisseur; he approved my design.

)ach wee% he summoned me into the presence

two or three times$ eager to inspect my progress.

Then 0ecchino$ my brother$ two years younger than I

and still beardless$ died #



was %illed$ as he tried to avenge the un=ust %illing of

a comrade by the ruthless guard of the Bargello.

Thus was stolen from him the chance to incise

his presence into the hard$ careless surface of the world.

The fool who %illed him

in what =ustice must call self-defense

later proved his nature by

boasting of it.

His boasting enraged$ maddened me. In this

great grief the ope rebu%ed me, 5ou act as if

grief can change death.

&leepless$ eatless$ by day I wor%ed at the opes



absorbing golden button # and by night$ hypnoti'ed

as a =ealous lover$ I watched and followed

the fatuous creature who murdered my brother.

7t last$ overcoming my repugnance to an enterprise

not-*uite-praiseworthy$ I decided

to end my torment. :y dagger entered the =uncture

of the nape-bone and the nec%

so deep into the bone

with all my strength I could not pull it out.

I ran to the palace of +u%e 7lessandro # for those who

pursued me %new me. The opes natural son$

later he became +u%e of Florence$ before his murder



by his own cousin /oren'ino$ whose too-familiar

intimacies and pretensions to power

he not only indulged but openly moc%ed.

7lessandro told me to stay indoors

for eight days. For eight days I stayed indoors$ wor%ing

at the =ewel the ope had set his heart on.

For eight days the ope failed

to summon me. Then his chamberlain$ saying that all was

well if I minded my wor% and %ept silent$ ushered me

into the presence. The ope cast so menacing

a glance toward me I trembled.

)xamining my wor%$ his countenance cleared$



saying that I had accomplished a vast amount

in a short time. Then he said$ 8ow that you are

cured$ Benvenuto # change your life.

I promised that I would. &oon after this$ I opened

a fine shop$ my first; and finished the =ewel.

Q

7s the %nife descended Gforgive me$ ( od of

8ature$ but thus you have arranged it$ #

to my fevered mind

each moment was infinite$ and mine.

Q

/ate one night$ in farewell$ :ichelangelo

turning to me said$ Benvenuto$



you deliver yourself into their hands.

Q

Here I leapt Here I leapt Here I leapt Here I leapt

the shrilling cric%et in the shrilling summer evening

sings; as did my father in the sweet years

he served the pleasure of the lords of Florence

as a piper$ in the 0onsort of ipers.

Imagine my father$ no longer young$ married$ still

childless$ an engineer who designs bridges and

battlements for the +u%e$ but whose

first love is music # the flute. He =oined



the +u%es 0onsort of ipers. 8ow his nights

often are spent not bending over charts and plans

but da''led at the court of /oren'o$ called The :agnificent #

the same /oren'o who once pluc%ed :ichelangelo$ still

a boy$ from among the horde of the merely-talented

bending to copy the masters in the ducal palace.

/oren'o$ with his fathers consent$ adopted

the boy; fed him at his own table.

Imagine$ tonight$ the brief concert is over #

the 0onsort of ipers Grespectable$ honorable

amateurs, small merchants$ a ban%er$ a scholar

mingle$ slightly awed$ with an ambassador$ a 0ardinal . . .



&uddenly /oren'o is at my fathers ear, He stood

not six inches from me.

8ot six inches from my fathers ear /oren'o

in a low voice as he begins to move through

the crowd followed by his son iero

Gas now my father must struggle to follow

tells my father he has painfully and increasingly

remar%ed that the flute has led my father to neglect

his fine engineering talent and therefore my

father will understand why iero and the +u%e

must dismiss him from the 0onsort of ipers.

/oren'o$ entering the private apartments$ was gone.



In later years$ my father repeated to his

children, He stood not six inches from me.

It is a lie. It is a lie that the :edici and you and I

stand on the same earth. What the sane eye

saw$ was a lie, #

two things alone cross the illimitable distance

between the great and the rest of

us$ who serve them, #

a %nife; and art.

Q

The emblem of Florence is the lion; therefore

lions$ caged but restless and living$ centuries ago



began to announce to the ia''a della &ignoria

this is the fearsome seat of the free

government of the 6epublic of Florence.

+u%e 0osimo$ hating the noise and smell$ had them

moved behind the palace. For years$ I had %nown

the old man who fed and tended the lions$ #

one day he humbly as%ed me if I could ma%e a ring

unli%e all others for his daughters wedding.

I said yes$ of course; but$ as payment for its

rarity$ I wanted him to drug the strongest lion

asleep$ so that I could

examine$ for my art$ his body.



He said he %new no art of drugging; such poison

could %ill the creature; a wee% later$

in fury he said yes.

The animal was numbed but not

sleeping; he tried to raise

his great head$ as I lay lengthwise against his warm body;

the head fell bac%. :y head

nestling behind his$ each arm$ outstretched$ slowly

descending along each leg$ at last with both hands I

pulled bac% the fur and touched a claw.

This creature whose claw wa%ing could %ill me$ #

. . . I wore its s%in.



Q

7fter the :edici were returned from eighteen years

banishment$ placed over us again not by the will

of Florentines$ but by a &panish army #

my father$ though during the republic he regained

his position as piper$ ever loyal to the :edici

wrote a poem celebrating his partys victory

and prophesying the imminent

advent of a :edici pope. Then ?ulius II died;

0ardinal de :edici$ against expectation$ was elected;

the new pope wrote my father that he must

come to 6ome and serve him.



:y father had no will to travel. Then ?acopo

&alviati$ in power because married to a :edici$

too% from my father his place at the +u%es new court;

too% from him his profit$ his hope$ his will.

Thus began that slow extinguishment

of hope$ the self s obse*uies for the self

at which effacement I felt not only a helpless

witness$ but

cause$ author.

He said I was his heart.

I had as%ed to be his heart

before I %new what I was as%ing.



7gainst his mania to ma%e me a musician

at fifteen I put myself to the goldsmiths trade;

without money

or position$ he now could not oppose this.

Help the boy # for his father is poor

rang in my ears as I began to sell

the first trin%ets I had made. /ater$ to escape

the plague then raging$ he made me

*uic%ly leave Florence; when I returned$

he$ my sister$ her husband and child$ were dead.

These events$ many occurring before my birth$ I

see because my father described them



often and with outrage.

To be a child is to see things and not

%now them; then you %now them.

Q

+espite the malicious

stars$ decisive at my birth, despite their

sufficient instrument$ the hand within me that moves

against me, in the utter dar%ness of my first prison

od granted me vision,

surrounded by my stin%s$ an 7ngel$ his beauty

austere$ not wanton$ graciously

showed me a room in half-light crowded with the dead,



postures blunted as if all promise of change

was lost$ the dead

wal%ed up and down and bac% and forth,

as if the promise of change

fleeing had stolen the light.

Then$ on the wall$ there was a s*uare of light.

0areless of blindness I turned my eyes

to the full sun. I did not care

to loo% on anything again but this. The sun

withering and *uic%ening without distinction

then bulged out, the boss

expanded, the calm body of the dead 0hrist



formed itself from the same

substance as the sun. &till on the cross$

he was the same substance as the sun.

Q

The bait the +u%e laid

was erseus. erseus

standing before the ia''a della &ignoria.

:y statues audience and theater$ :ichelangelos

+avid; +onatellos

?udith With the Head of Holofernes . . .

Here the school of Florence$ swaggering$ says

to the world, )at.



(nly Bandinellis odious Hercules and 0acus

reminds one that when one wal%s

streets on earth one steps in shit.

+u%e 0osimo desired$ he said$ a statue of erseus

triumphant$ after intricate trials able

at last to raise high

:edusas mutilated head # he imagined$

perhaps$ decapitation of the fic%le

rabble of republican Florence . . .

I conceived the heros gesture as more generous, #

9ill the thing that loo%ed

upon ma%es us stone.



&oon enough$ on my great bron'e bust of the great

+u%e$ I placed # staring out from his chest #

:edusa$ her head not yet cut$ living.

Q

6emember$ Benvenuto$ you cannot bring your

great gifts to light by your strength alone

5ou show your greatness only through

the opportunities we give you

Hold your tongue I will drown you in gold

Q

7s we stared down at the vast s*uare$ at

+avid$ at ?udith # then at Hercules and 0acus



approved and placed there by 0osimo himself #

from high on the fortress loo%out of the palace$

against whose severe faUade so many

human promises had been so cunningly

or indifferently crushed$ I told the +u%e that I

cannot ma%e his statue. :y brief return from France

was designed only to provide for the future of

my sister and six nieces$ now without husband

or father. The 9ing of France alone had saved me

from the opes dungeon # not any lord of Italy

7t this$ the +u%e loo%ed at me

sharply$ but said nothing.



7ll 6ome %new that though I had disproved

the theft that was pretext for my arrest$ ope aul

still %ept me imprisoned$ out of spite #

vengeance of his malignant son ier /uigi$ now

assassinated by his own retainers.

(ne night at dinner$ the 9ings emissary gave the ope

gossip so delicious that out of merriment$ and about to vomit

from indulgence$ he agreed

to free me. I owed 9ing Francis

my art$ my service. The same stipend he once paid

/eonardo$ he now paid me; along with a house in aris.

This house was$ in truth$ a castle . . .



I omitted$ of course$ *uarrels with the 9ings

mistress$ demon who taunted me for the slowness

of my wor%$ out of her petty hatred of art itself;

omitted her insistence to the 9ing that I

am insolent and by example teach

insolence to others. (mitted that I overheard the 9ing

=o%e with her lieutenant, #

9ill him$ if you can find me

his e*ual in art.

Before the school of Florence I had only been able$

young$ to show myself as goldsmith

and =eweler; not yet as sculptor.



+u%e 0osimo then announced that all the 9ing of France

had given me$ he would surpass, boasting$

he bec%oned me to follow him past the public

common galleries$ into the private apartments . . .

+utiful abashed puppet$ I followed; I %new

I would remain and ma%e his statue.

Q

In the mirror of art$ you who are familiar with the rituals of

decorum and bloodshed before which you are

silence and submission

while within stone

the mind writhes



contemplate$ as if a refrain were wisdom$ the glistening

intrication

of bron'e and will and circumstance in the mirror of art.

Q

Bandinelli for months insinuated in the +u%es ear

erseus never would be finished, #

I lac%ed the art$ he said$ to move from the small

wax model the +u%e rightly praised$ to lifesi'e

bron'e whose secrets tormented even +onatello.

&o eighteen months after wor% began$ +u%e 0osimo grew

tired$ and withdrew his subsidy. /attan'o orini$

spider-handed and gnat-voiced$ refusing to hand over



payment said$ Why do you not finish<

Then Bandinelli hissed &odomite at

me # after my enumeration$ to the courts

amusement$ of the sins against art and sense

committed by his Hercules and 0acus$ recital

designed to %ill either him or his authority . . .

The +u%e$ at the ugly word$ frowned

and turned away. I replied that the sculptor of

Hercules and 0acus must be a madman to thin% that I

presumed to understand the art that ?ove in heaven

used on anymede$ art nobly practiced here on earth

by so many emperors and %ings. :y saucy speech



ended, :y poor wic% does not dare to burn so high

+u%e and court bro%e into laughter. Thus was

born my resolve to murder Bandinelli.

Q

Id hurl the creature to hell. In despair at what must

follow # the +u%es rage$ abandonment of my

never-to-be-born erseus # I cast

myself away for lost, with a hundred crowns

and a swift horse$ I resolved first to bid

farewell to my natural son$ put to wet-nurse in Fiesole;

then to descend to &an +omenico$ where Bandinelli

returned each evening. Then$ after blood$ France.



6eaching Fiesole$ I saw the boy

was in good health; his wet-nurse

was my old familiar$ old gossip$ now

married to one of my wor%men. The boy

clung to me, wonderful in a two-year-old$ in

grief he flailed his arms when at last

in the thic% half-dus%

I began to disengage myself. )ntering the s*uare

of &an +omenico on one side$ I saw my prey

arriving on the other. )nraged that he still

drew breath$ when I reached him

I saw he was unarmed. He rode a small sorry



mule. 7 whee'ing don%ey carried a ten-year-old

boy at his side. In my sudden presence$ his face

went white. I nodded my head and rode past.

Q

I had a vision of Bandinelli surrounded

by the heaped-up wor%s of his hand.

8ot one thing that he had made

did I want to have made.

From somewhere within his body

li%e a thread

he spun the piles surrounding him. Then he

tried to pull away$ to release the thread; I saw



the thread was a leash.

He tried and tried to cut it.

7t this$ in my vision I said out-loud, #

:y art is my revenge.

Q

When I returned to Florence from Fiesole$ after

three days news was brought to me that my little boy

was smothered by his wet-nurse

turning over on him as they both slept.

His panic$ as I left; his arms raised$ in panic.

Q

from the great unchosen narration you will soon



be released

Benvenuto 0ellini

dirtied by blood and earth

but now

you have again taught yourself to disappear

moving wax from arm

to thigh

you have again taught yourself to disappear

here where each soul is its

orbit spinning

sweetly around the center of itself

at the edge of its eye the great



design of virtue

here your :edusa and your erseus are twins

his triumphant body still furious with purpose

but his face abstracted absorbed in

contemplation as she is

abstracted absorbed

though blood still spurts from her nec%

defeated by a mirror

as in concentration you move wax

from thigh to arm

under your hand it grows

Q



The idyll began when the +u%e reached me a goldsmiths

hammer$ with which I struc% the goldsmiths

chisel he held; and so the little statues were

disengaged from earth and rust. Bron'e

anti*uities$ newly found near 7re''o$ they lac%ed

either head or hands or feet. Impatient for my

presence$ the +u%e insisted that I =oin him each evening

at his new pastime$ playing artisan # leaving orders

for my free admittance to his rooms$ day or night.

His four boys$ when the +u%es eyes were turned$

hovered around me$ teasing. (ne night

I begged them to hold their peace.



The boldest replied$ That we cant do I said

what one cannot do is re*uired of no one.

&o have your will Faced with their sons

delight in this new principle$ the +u%e and +uchess

smiling accused me of a taste for chaos . . .

7t last the four figures wrought for the four

facets of the pedestal beneath erseus

were finished. I brought them one evening to the +u%e$

arranging them on his wor%table in a row, #

figures$ postures from scenes that the eye cannot

entirely decipher$ story haunting the eye with its

resonance$ unseen ground that explains nothing . . .



The +u%e appeared$ then immediately

retreated; reappearing$ in his right hand

he held a pear slip. This is for your garden$ the garden of

your house. I began$ +o you mean$ but he cut me off

saying$ 5es$ Benvenuto, garden and house now are yours.

Thus I received what earlier was only lent me.

I than%ed him and his +uchess; then both

too% seats before my figures.

For two hours tal% was of their beauty$ #

the +uchess insisted they were too ex*uisite

to be wasted down there

in the pia''a; I must place them in her apartments.





truceless ministers of the great unerasable

V)6($ eager to annihilate lineament and light$

waited$ pent$ against the hori'on, #

some great force Gmassive$ stubborn$ multiform as

earth$ fury whose single name is /)I(8$ #

wanted my erseus not to exist, #

and I must

defeat them.

Then my trembling assistants wo%e me.

They said all my wor%

was spoiled.

erseus was spoiled. He lay buried in earth



wreathed in fragile earthenware veins from the furnace

above$ veins through which he still

waited to be filled with burning metal.

The metal was curdled. 7s I slept$ sic%$

the bron'e had been allowed to ca%e$ to curdle.

Feverish$ made sic% by my exertions for

days$ for months$ I slept; while those charged

with evenly feeding the furnace that I had so well

prepared$ /769)+ #

I thought$ Snwitting ministers of the gorgon

:edusa herself. The furnace cho%ed with ca%ing$ curdling

metal that no art %nown to man could



uncurdle$ must be utterly dismantled # all

who made it agreed this must destroy

the fragile$ thirsty mould of erseus beneath.

But erseus was not more strong

than :edusa$ but more clever, # if he ever

was to exist as idea$ he must first exist as matter, #

all my old inborn

daring returned$

furious to reverse

the un=ust triumphs of the worlds mere

arrangements of power$ that seemingly on earth

cannot be reversed. First$ I surveyed my forces, #



seven guilty wor%men$ timid$ sullen$

resentful; a groom; two maids; a coo%.

I harassed these s%eptical troops into battle, #

two hands were sent to fetch from the butcher

0apretta a load of young oa%$ #

in bron'e furnaces the only woods you use

are slow-burning alder$ willow$ pine, now I needed

oa% and its fierce heat. 7s the oa%

was fed log by log into the fire$ how the ca%e began

to stir$ to glow and spar%le. 8ow

from the increased

combustion of the furnace$ a conflagration



shot up from the roof, two windows

burst into flame, I saw the violent storm

filling the s%y fan the flames.

7ll the while with po%ers and iron rods

we stirred and stirred the channels#

the metal$ bubbling$ refused to flow.

I sent for all my pewter plates$ dishes$ porringers #

the coo% and maids brought some two hundred.

iece by piece$ I had them thrown

into the turgid mass. 7s I watched the metal for

movement$ the cap of the furnace

exploded # bron'e welling over on all sides.



I had the plugs pulled$ the mouths of the mould

opened; in perfect li*uefaction

the veins of erseus filled . . .

+ays later$ when the bron'e had cooled$ when the clay

sheath had been with great care removed$ I found

what was dead brought to life again.

Q

8ow$ my second

prison. It began soon after erseus was unveiled

to acclaim # great acclaim. erhaps I grew

too glorious. erseus$ whose birth consumed

nine years$ found stuc% to his pedestal



sonnets celebrating the masters hand that made him . . .

(n the day of unveiling$ +u%e 0osimo stationed himself

at a window =ust above the entrance to the palace;

there$ half-hidden$ he listened for hours to the crowds

wonder. He sent his attendant &for'a to say

my reward

soon would astonish me.

Ten days passed. 7t last &for'a appeared and as%ed

what price I placed on my statue.

I was indeed astonished, It is not my custom$

I replied$ to set a price for my wor%$ as if

he were a merchant and I a mere tradesman.



Then$ at ris% of the +u%es severe displeasure$ I was

warned I must set a price, infuriated$ I said

ten thousand golden crowns.

0ities and great palaces are built with ten thousand

golden crowns$ the +u%e

two days later flung at me in anger.

:any men can build cities and palaces$

I replied$ but not one can ma%e

a second erseus.

Bandinelli$ consulted by the +u%e$ reluctantly

concluded that the statue was worth

sixteen thousand.



The +u%e replied that for two farthings

erseus could go to the scrap heap; that would

resolve our differences.

7t last$ the settlement was thirty-five hundred$ one

hundred a month. &oon after$ charges were brought

against me$ for sodomy #

I escaped Florence as far as &carperia$ but there

the +u%es soldiers caught me and in chains

brought me bac%.

I confessed. If I had not$ I could have been made

to serve as a slave in the +u%es galleys for life.

The +u%e listened behind a screen as I was made



publicly to confess$ in full court . . . unishment

was four years imprisonment. Without the +u%es

concurrence$ of course$ no charges could have been

lodged$ no public humiliation arranged

to silence the insolent. The first 0osimo$ founder of :edici

power$ all his life protected +onatello # whose

affections and bliss were found in anymede.

7fter imprisonment one month$ 0osimo

finally commuted my sentence to house arrest.

There his magnanimity allowed me to complete

my 0hrist of the whitest marble

set upon a cross of the blac%est.



8ow$ my 0hrist sits still pac%ed in a crate

in the +u%es new chapel; my bust of the +u%e

is exiled to )lba$ there to frighten in open air

slaves peering out from his passing galleys.

8ow$ after the +uchess and two of their sons

died of fever within two months$ 0osimo

grows stranger, he murdered &for'a

by running him through with a spear, #

he does not own

his mind; or will.

When I as% release from his service$ he says

that he cannot$ that he soon



will have need of me for great pro=ects; no

commissions come. 0atherine de :edici$ regent of

the young French %ing$ petitioned that I be allowed

to enter her service. He said I had no will now to wor%.

In prison I wrote my sonnet addressed

to Fortune, # Fortune$ you sow

5ou turned from me because anymede

also is my =oy . . . ( od of 8ature$ author

of my nature$

where does your son ?esus forbid it<

When I was five$ one night my father

wo%e me. He pulled me to the basement$ ma%ing me



stare into the oa% fire and see what he =ust had seen.

There a little li'ard was sporting

at the core of the intensest flames.

:y father boxed me on the ears$ then %issed me #

saying that I must remember this night, #

:y dear little boy$ the li'ard you see

is a salamander$ a creature that lives

at the heart of fire. 5ou and I are blessed, no other

soul now living has been allowed to see it.

Q

I am too old to fight to leave Florence, #



here$ young$ this goldsmith and =eweler

began to imagine that

severity$ that chastity of style

certain remnants of the ancient world

left my hand hungry to emulate, #

e*uilibrium of ferocious$ contradictory

forces, e*uilibrium whose balance or poise is their

tension$ and does not efface them$ #

as if the surface of each thing

arranged within the frame$ the surface of each

body the eye must circle

gives up to the eye its vibration$ its nature.



Two or three times$ perhaps$# you

say where$ # I have achieved it.

Q

&ee$ in my great bron'e bust of the great

+u%e$ embedded in the right epaulette li%e a trophy

an open-mouthed

face part lion part man part goat$ with an iron

bar =ammed in its lower =aw

rising resistlessly across its mouth.

&ee$ in Casaris clumsy portrait of me$ as I float

above the right shoulder of the +u%e$ the same face."

Q

7s if your hand fumbling to reach inside

reached inside



7s if light falling on the surface

fell on what made the surface

7s if there were no scarcity of sun

on the sun

III

I covered my arm with orchid =uice.

With my hatchet I split a mangrove stic%

from a tree$ and sharpened it.

I covered the %illing stic% with orchid =uice.

We were camping at :arunga Island

loo%ing for oysters. This woman I was about to %ill



at last separated herself from the others

to hunt lilies. &he wal%ed into the swamp$ then

got cold$ and lay down on sandy ground.

7fter I hit her between the eyes with my hatchet

she %ic%ed$ but couldnt

raise up.

With my thumb over the end of the %illing stic%

I =abbed her :ount of Cenus until her s%in pushed

bac% up to her navel. Her large intestine

protruded as though it were red calico.

With my thumb over the end of the %illing stic%

each time she inhaled



I pushed my arm

in a little. When she exhaled$ I stopped. /ittle by little

I got my hand

inside her. Finally I touched her heart.

(nce you reach what is

inside it is outside. I pushed the %illing stic%

into her heart.

The spirit that belonged to that dead woman

went into my heart then.

I felt it go in.

I pulled my arm

out. I covered my arm with orchid =uice.



8ext I bro%e a nest of green ants

off a tree$ and watched the live ants

bite her s%in until her s%in moved by itself

downward from her navel and covered her bones.

Then I too% some dry mud and put my sweat

and her blood in the dry mud

and warmed it over a fire. &ix or eight times

I put the blood and sweat and mud

inside her uterus until there was no trace of her

wound or what I had done.

I was careful none of her pubic hair was left

inside her vagina for her husband to feel.



Her large intestine stuc% out several feet.

When I shoo% some green ants on it$ a little

went in. I shoo% some more. 7ll of it went in.

When I whirled the %illing stic% with her hearts blood

over her head$ her head

moved. When I whirled it some more$ she moved

more. The third time I whirled the %illing stic%

she gasped for breath. &he blew some breath

out of her mouth$ and was all right.

I said$ 5ou go eat some lilies. &he

got up. I said$ 5ou will live

two days. (ne day you will be happy. The next$ sic%.



&he ate some lilies. &he wal%ed around$ then

came bac% and slept. When laughing and tal%ing women

wo%e her she gathered her lilies and returned to camp.

The next day she wal%ed around and played$

tal%ed and made fun$ gathering with others oysters

and lilies. &he brought into camp what she

gathered. That night she lay down and died.

)ven the gods cannot

end death. In this universe anybody can %ill anybody

with a stic%. What the gods gave me

is their gift$ the power to bury within each

creature the hour it ceases.



)veryone %nows I have powers but not such power.

If they %new I would be so famous

they would %ill me.

I tell you because your tongue is stone.

If the gods ever give you words$ one night in

sleep you will wa%e to find me above you.

Q

7fter sex metaphysics$ #

. . . what<

What you have made.

Q



Infinite the forms$ finite

tonight as I find again in the mirror the familiar appeaseless

eaters face

Ignorant of cause or source or end

in silence he repeats

)ater$ become food

7ll life exists at the expense of other life

Because you have eaten and eat as eat you must

)ater$ become food

unli%e the burning stars

burning merely to be

Then I as% him how to become food



In silence he repeats that others have

other fates$ but that I must fashion out of the corruptible

body a new body good to eat a thousand years

Then I tell the eaters face that within me is no

sustenance$ on my famished

plate centuries have been served me and still I am famished

He smir%s$ and in silence repeats that all life exists

at the expense of other life

5ou must fashion out of the corruptible

body a new body good to eat a thousand years

Because you have eaten and eat as eat you must

ignorant of cause or source or end

Q



drugged to sleep by repetition of the diurnal

round$ the monotonous sorrow of the finite$

within I am awa%e

repairing in dirt the frayed immaculate thread

forced by being to watch the birth of suns

Q

This is the end of the third hour of the night.

8(T)&, In art II$ my largest debts are to ?ohn 7ddington &ymondss translation$ The /ife of Benvenuto 0ellini$ Written by

Himself G2AA4; and to :ichael W. 0oles 0ellini and the rinciples of &culpture G>EE>. art III$ section one$ is based on W.

/loyd Warners 7 Blac% 0ivili'ation G23A$ pages 23A->EE; reprinted under the title !Blac% :agic, 7n 7ustralian &orcerer

G7rnhem /and" in :ircea )liades From rimitives to Ven, 7 Thematic &ourceboo% of the History of 6eligions G2344; JJD-

JJ. F. B.

&ource, oetry G(ctober >EEJ.

Cisions at 4JB5 F6789 BI+76T

The planet turns there without you$ beautiful.






)xiled by death you cannot

touch it. Weird =oy to watch postulates

lived out and discarded$ something crowded

inside us always craving to become something

glistening outside us$ the relentless planet

showing itself the logic of what is

buried inside it. To love existence

is to love what is indifferent to you

you thin%$ as you watch it turn there$ beautiful.

World that can %now itself only by

world$ soon it must coloni'e and infect the stars.

5ou are an hypothesis made of flesh.

What you will teach the stars is constant

rage at the constant prospect of not-being.

Q



&ometimes when I wa%e itNs because I hear

a %noc%. 9noc%$

9noc%. Two

%noc%s$ *uite clear.

I wa%e and listen. ItNs nothing.

Fran% Bidart$ MCisions at 4J.M 0opyright 1 >E2

It is what recurs that we believe$your face not at one moment loo%ingsideways up at me anguished or

elate$ but the old words welling up by

gravity rearranged,two wee%s before you died in

pain worn out$ after my usual casual sign-off

with 7ll my love$ your simplesolemn :y love to you$ Fran%.

Overheard Through The Walls Of The Invisible City. . .telling those who swarm around him his desireis that an appendage from each of them

fill$ invade each of his orifices$--

repeating$ chanting(h yeah(h yeah(h yeah(h yeah(h yeah

If I Could Mourn Like A Mourning Dove - Poem by

Frank Bidart



until$ as if in dar%ness he craved the sun$ at last he reached

consummation.

Sntil telling those who swarm around him begins again

Gwe are the wheel to which we are bound.

To the Dead

What I hope Gwhen I hope is that weNll

see each other again$--

. . . and again reach the C)I8

in which we loved each other . .It existed. It existed.

There is a 8IHT within the 8IHT$--

. . . for$ li%e the detectives Gthe 6it' Brothersin The orilla$

once weNd been battered by the gorilla

we searched the walls$ the intricately carvedimpenetrable paneling

for a button$ lever$ latch

that unloc%s a secret door that reveals at last the secret chambers$

0(66I+(6& within W7//&$

Gthe disenthralling$ necessary$ dreamed structurebeneath the structure we see$

that is the H(S&) within the H(S&) . . .


. . . there were Gfor example months when I seemed only

to displease$ frustrate$

disappoint you--; then$ something triggered



a drun% lasting for days$ and as you

slowly and sha%ily sobered up$

sic%$ throbbing with remorse and self-loathing$

insight li%e ashes, clung

to; useless; hated . . .

This was the viewing of the power of the waters

while the waters were asleep,--

secrets$ histories of loves$ betrayals$ double-binds

not fit Gyou thought for the light of day . . .


. . . for$ there at times at night$ still weinhabit the secret place together . . .

Is this wisdom$ or self-pity<--

Frank Bidart Poems

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