Founder Communication Workshop March 2016

Founder Communication

InnerSpaceJoe Greenstein & Semira Rahemtulla

March 31, 2016

Why am I doing this? (Part 1)

Why are we doing this? (Part 2)

One Big Idea

INTENTNeeds

MotivesStories

Reality #2

IMPACTAssumptions

FeelingsResponses

Reality #3

3 Realities (The “Net” Model)

The Net

BEHAVIORVerbal

Non-Verbal

Reality #1Shared

Feelings & Emotions – Why??Feelings & Emotions – Why??

Self-Disclosure

Will I be less liked,

respected, influential

(leader-like)?

Is it relevant? Will it further the discussion – the

relationship?

Will others use this

information against me?

How will others

see/assess/ judge me?

“What in my ‘bubble’

should I share?”

Self-Disclosure

“ VULNERABILITY ISTHE BIRTHPLACEOF CONNECTION. ”BRENÉ BROWN

Authentic Leaders

“The single factor distinguishing top quartile managers from bottom quartile managers was strength of affection.”--“Encouraging the Heart: A Leader’s Guide to Recognizing and Rewarding Others”, Kouzes & Posner

Authentic Leaders

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

Team & Culture

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

Effective Teams

1. Participation2. Collaboration3. Cooperation (Commitment)

Research: All of these are correlated to Group EQ

“Building Emotional Intelligence”, Wolfe & Druskat, Harvard Business Review, 2004

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

“I’m starting to feel defensive”

Inward (my emotions)

Outward(others’ emotions)

Emotional Awareness

Emotional Management

(“Regulation”)

“He seems to begetting agitated”

• Take a deep breath• “Could you give me a sec?”• Take a walk

“Are you ok?”

EQ (Individual)

High EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group

Group norms determine group EQ

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

Group EQ

Photo by jm3 [link]

Our Norms

Feedback & Influence

#1 Factor for Happiness on the Job: Feeling appreciated

-- 2014 BCG/The Network survey of 200K employees

Building a culture of appreciation

• 1. Create a space for it. • 2. Lead by example.

Photo: Robbie Grubbs

Can I give you some feedback?

Social situations ≈ Physical threats

Threat Response

So… how do we communicate feedback while minimizing defensiveness?

INTENTNeeds

MotivesStories

Reality #2

IMPACTAssumptions

FeelingsResponses

Reality #3

3 Realities (The “Net” Model)

The Net

BEHAVIORVerbal

Non-Verbal

Reality #1Shared

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback

• Focus on specific, observable behaviorWhen you do [x]…

• Describe the impact of that behavior on youI feel [y]…

• Ask about the other person’s motives or intentions

Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

Stay on your side of the net!

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…

1. Joe, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.

2. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are clearly bored with this presentation.

3. Joe, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am feeling anxious about what message that might send to others in the room.

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try another example…

1. You’re not very approachable.2. When I asked you for time off last week, you didn’t

respond very well. You’re not very approachable.3. When I asked you for time off last week and you

said “oh man, the team really needs you right now,” I felt guilty for asking, even though that time off is important to me. And I’ve noticed I’m more hesitant now to approach you with questions or requests.

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback

When you do [x]…

I feel [y == emotion] that / like

And my story is [z].

Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

Photo by Ana Karenina [link]

1:1 Feedback

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityThe Setup

1. Check in – “Is now a good time?”

2. Soft Start– Do not use praise to buffer criticism (“The Sandwich”)– Do emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:

“My intention is…… / This matters to me because…”

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityReceiving Feedback

• Look for “Grains of Truth”– Goal is understanding, not winning

• Help the other person feel heard– Ask clarifying questions– Restate what you’ve heard to confirm understanding

• Acknowledge your feelings– Manage your own defensiveness: “Affect Labeling”– Disclose your reactions, thoughts, feelings

• Gift mentality: Say “Thank you!”

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityEnd with Agreements

• Make requests– What are we going to try / do differently going forward?

• Be specific• Discuss the error case

– What can we do if someone doesn’t do their part of the agreement?

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback

Work Product– Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus

area

Communication & Management– Too much/little– Choice of format– Email etiquette

– Language choices, communication style with others

– Transparency of project status, hiring/firing/promotions

Role Modeling & Presence– What energy do you feel from

this person?

– How do they impact others?

– What do they model well?

– Anything you worry about?

– Arrival/departure times

– How they speak/listen/act/dress

Fostering a feedback-rich culture

• Train your team on giving/receiving feedback• Schedule feedback-focused 1:1s (or begin

1:1s with two-way feedback)– And set expectations of managers/leaders to do

the same

Thanks, good-bye, and stay on your side of the net