Foundation Group Leader Handbook May 2015 · Foundation Group Leaders are involved in one of the most significant areas of discipleship. As you lead these groups you will have two

leader handbook

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WATERMARK COMMUNITY CHURCH STATEMENT OF FAITH The Bible We believe the Bible to be the verbally inspired Word of God, without error in the original writings, and the supreme and final authority in doctrine and practice. (2 Timothy 3:16-17; 2 Peter 1:21; John 17:17)

One God We believe in one God eternally existing in three equal persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Each has the same nature and attributes, but is distinct in office and activity. (Matthew 28:19; 2 Corinthians 13:14)

Jesus Christ We believe the Lord Jesus Christ, the eternal Son of God, became man, without ceasing to be God. He was conceived of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary, in order that He might reveal God and redeem sinful man. We believe He accomplished our redemption through His death on the cross as a substitutionary sacrifice. We believe our redemption and salvation are guaranteed by His literal, physical resurrection from the dead. (John 1:1, 14, 18; Luke 1:35; Romans 3:24-26; 4:25) We believe the Lord Jesus Christ is now in heaven, exalted to the right hand of God where, as High Priest to His people, He fulfills the ministry of intercession and advocacy. (Hebrews 1:3; 3:1; 7:23-25; 1 John 2:1-2)

Holy Spirit We believe God the Holy Spirit is a person who restrains evil in the world and convicts men of sin, righteousness and judgment. He dwells in all who believe in Jesus. From the moment of belief in the Son, the Spirit baptizes believers into the body, seals them for salvation, regenerates them to new life, bestows spiritual gifts on each one, and is fully present to continually fill (control and guide) His own. (John 16:7-11; John 3:8; 1 Corinthians 12:4-11, 13; John 14:16-17; Ephesians 4:30, 5:18; 1 Thessalonians 5:19)

Man We believe God created all things in heaven and earth and that they exist by His power (Genesis 1:1; Colossians 1:16-17). We believe man was created innocent and in the image and likeness of God, but man sinned, bringing both physical and spiritual death to himself and his posterity. We believe man has inherited a sinful nature, is alienated from God and is in need of salvation. (Genesis 1:27; 2:17; 3:19; Ephesians 2:1-3)

Salvation We believe salvation is a sovereign gift of God and is received by man through personal faith in Jesus Christ and His sacrifice for sin. We believe man is justified by grace through faith apart from works (Acts 13:38-39; Romans 6:23; Ephesians 1:4-5 & 2:8-10). We believe all true believers elect of God, once saved, are kept secure in Christ forever. (Romans 8:1, 29-30, 38-39; John 10:27-30)

Second Coming We believe in the second, visible, and bodily return of Jesus Christ to establish His kingdom on earth. (Philippians 3:20; Matthew 24:15-31; Zechariah 14:4-11; Revelation 19:11-21)

Marriage We believe marriage is designed by God and is a life-long, covenantal relationship between one man and one woman, and is intended to give a picture of Christ's loving relationship with His bride, the church. (Genesis 2:24-25; Matthew 19:4-6; Ephesians 5:31-32)

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Table of Contents

Foundation Group Overview 3 Curriculum Timeline 9 Getting Started 10 Intro to Moneywise 13 Fostering Healthy Community 15 Accountability: Getting Started 18 What to do When Crisis Hits 21 Electronic Communication 23 Six-month Assessment 25 Sample Retreat Schedule 27 Ice-Breaker Questions & Games 28 Suggested Agenda for Final Celebration 45

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Foundation Group Overview

Mission of foundation groups To prepare newly married couples (less than 3yrs) for a lifetime of marital oneness and ministry in the context of Christ-centered community.

Strategy Foundation groups consist of 4-6 newly married couples and a more experienced mentor couple, who will do life together with these couples. It is our expectation that the mentor couple will cast vision, set expectations, and model: a growing relationship with Jesus, healthy community, a God glorifying marriage, and a life that is lived on mission for the kingdom of God.

Defining Success Our hope is that foundation group couples would not be the same by the end of their foundation group experience. We desire to see growth, even if small, in their personal lives, their marriages, and in their community. This growth happens in four main areas: Be more like Jesus Our daily pursuit of Jesus is the most valuable relationship we can have. We want these couples to help each other become more like Jesus. We recognize that all marriage problems are first spiritual problems and that our vertical relationship with the Lord must be our priority before our horizontal relationships with one another can be healthy. Experience healthy community Life change happens best in the context of Christ-centered community. We want foundation group couples to see the importance of avoiding isolation, and living lives that are fully known by others. Our goal is for foundation groups to be the healthiest groups at the church through care, acceptance, encouragement & accountability. Grow in oneness with your spouse Outside of your relationship with the Lord, your relationship with your spouse is the most unique relationship you will ever have. Foundation groups are our way of playing offense rather than defense. They give us the opportunity to help couples establish a firm foundation in their marriage as they commit to a lifelong process of growing in oneness with each other. Live on mission with your life and marriage The impact of a foundation group should go outside the walls of your living room. We want couples to see the opportunities before them to help others find hope and healing as they live lives and have marriages that are set apart. While they’re not marriage experts yet, we want them to take what they’ve learned and live intentionally for the sake of the gospel.  As a mentor couple your responsibility is to plant and water, remember, God provides the growth. Be faithful to God and his Word; trusting him to bring about transformation.

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Leader Essentials As the leader of a foundation group it is up to you to cast vision, set expectations, and model for your couples what it looks like to Grow in your relationship with Christ, in oneness with your spouse, in relationship with one another, and in your ability to make disciples. These four essentials will help you as you encourage and challenge the group to become more like Jesus:

• Abide in Christ | Apart from Jesus we can do nothing. In John 15, Jesus uses the metaphor of the vine and the branches and the only command he gives the branch is to abide in the vine. It is in this abiding that we will bear much fruit. How are you staying rooted in your relationship with Jesus?

• Cultivate Relationships | This essential focuses on how we help couples experience healthy community in the midst of an environment where people feel safe to share what’s going on in their lives. It is important for the leader couple to encourage and facilitate connection outside of the two times per month you meet in your home. We have found that the healthiest groups have 4-6 touch points with one another each month. These times include curriculum discussion, social gatherings, accountability, and service. How are you and your group members doing at shepherding one another?

• Promote Participation | As a leader it’s essential that you give away leadership to create ownership. It is important to remember that your couples will get out of this experience what they put into it. Shared participation can take many forms (facilitating group discussion, preparing snack, leading prayer time, planning social events, service opportunities, etc…). In the end we want foundation groups be equipped to thrive on their own by the end of the foundation group experience. We want these groups to be the healthiest community groups at watermark. How are you creating ownership & setting them up for long term success?

• Provide care | The mentor couple is the first line of contact for all pastoral care needs within the group. It is important to see crisis as an opportunity for growth and ministry for the entire group. Encourage your couples to share their issues with one another so that the rest of the group will not miss out on the blessing of providing care. Are you running toward the mess; are you encouraging couples to do the same?

 Foundation Group Leaders are involved in one of the most significant areas of discipleship. As you lead these groups you will have two main priorities:

Be a Disciple| 1 Corinthians 11:1 – These couples will replicate what they see. You will serve as a daily reminder that having a great marriage has very little to do with tips and tricks and everything to do with being dependent on and yielded to Christ in all things. Go deep with Christ and model what you’re calling them to.

Make Disciples | Hebrews 13:7 – Invite them into your life. Let them see you live out what you believe as you lead. You will impact more than just their marriage during your time with them. Set the pace! See this as a unique opportunity to be a catalyst for their spiritual growth, knowing it will have the single greatest impact on their life, marriage and ministry.

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Foundation Group FAQ’s:

What makes up the foundation group curriculum? • Community | a study on 6 core values of community • The Meaning of Marriage | a study that helps in establishing a biblical view of marriage • A Lasting Promise | a study that helps couples grow in Communication & Conflict • Moneywise | a study on stewardship and financial management • Sheet Music| a study on the importance of physical intimacy

Please remember that the curriculum is there as a guide. It is not there to restrict you as you disciple your couples. Be students of your group and feel the freedom to speed up, slow down, or deviate from the structured curriculum as you think is needed. Please let us know if you make any curriculum changes, or if we can help you come up with new ideas. What advice do you have as we lead the couples through the curriculum?  The goal is not for you to teach through material – this is designed to be a small group with discussion. As a small group facilitator, you can best set-up your group for success as you:

• Ask good questions and follow-up questions – Hopefully all couples will want to communicate and share and this will go a long way in leading a healthy discussion. Ask open-ended questions that will prompt others to think and discuss. Be sure to listen well.

• Share your own story – Be vulnerable with your couples (as you feel appropriate) by sharing your

own joys and struggles as a married couple. Lead the way in being open and authentic with your group. We are looking for living examples, not perfect examples.

• Be willing to say ‘I don’t know’ – do some research on your own, and let us know if we can help,

rather than making something up.  What should a typical month look like for a Foundation Group Couple? Our best Foundation Groups are getting 4-6 touch points with one another each month. Here’s a breakdown of how that might look for your group. Keep in mind that every group will be unique, but every group should be connecting in these specific areas. Sample Schedule: Curriculum with the Mentor couple | 1st & 3rd Tuesday Couples only time for social &/or service | 2nd & 4th Tuesday Guys Accountability | 2nd & 4th Tuesday after couple time & 1st & 3rd Friday for Breakfast Girls Accountability |2nd & 4th Tuesday after couple time & 1st & 3rd Tuesday before group time *Game Night or social event or guy/girl connect with the mentor couple | 5th Tuesday *This 5th Tuesday time together is not required, but it will help your group learn to have fun together, especially in the beginning. It is also a great time for the mentor couple to get time with the guys & girls separately. Host these in your home or utilize this time to do fun events with the couples like dinner out, the fair, or a sporting event. You can also set these up where the men will meet out somewhere, and the women can meet in the home or vice versa.

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What are some tips for cultivating community?

Strong community takes time, but it also takes intentionality and effort. As the mentor couple, we ask you to cultivate an environment where people feel safe to share what’s going on in their lives. A place where they can be known by others and get to know each other. This is important in group meetings, but also vital outside of group time. As you go through the community curriculum, take the time to share your life map and allow each couple to share theirs too. (See the back of the Foundation Group participant guide for the Life Map document) This will go a long way toward establishing a safe environment within your group. Here are some suggested ways to share:

1. During session 2, share your life map. After that, have one couple share per week at the beginning of each meeting. (5-6 sessions) 2. Wait to start curriculum until everyone has shared their life map. You can do two life maps per night. (2-3 sessions) 3. Plan a retreat and have everyone share their life map over the weekend **We recommend option 1 below as you walk through the community curriculum.**

In each situation above, we suggest the mentor couple share their life map first in order to appropriately model authenticity and appropriate length of time.

Do you require Foundation Groups to continue meeting together? While we think it’s great for foundation groups to stay together as a community group at the end of 15 months, we don’t require it. The overall community goal for foundation groups is that the couples see healthy community modeled for them. That way whether they move on together in community or decide to pursue community with others, they know what it should look like, which will help them transition better. We do require groups to process this together, not via email.

How do I handle pastoral care issues when they arise? Chances are, at some point during the life of your group you will be approached by one of your couples to discuss a pastoral care issue. For more information on how to handle these issues, see What To Do When Crisis Hits on page 21. It is our preference that Foundation Group mentor couples are the first line of contact for all pastoral care situations. Here are three reasons why we believe this is best: 1. You are fully equipped to handle most of the pastoral care issues that arise. 2. You have a direct relationship with each couple in the group. 3. We believe being involved in these situations will bless you. Please reach out to us anytime you have crisis within the group. You can update us with all that is going on and share your plan of attack when it comes to next steps. It is important that you encourage the couple to bring this to the group so that they can be a part of the blessing of providing care. As the leader, you will set the tone and direction of this type of discussion. Be sure to encourage the couples to share Biblical truth, not their own insights.  

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How do we encourage them to live on mission with their life and marriage? First and foremost lead out in your own life. Help them see that as they have a marriage that is set apart, God will provide opportunity for people to both see and hear the Gospel. Help cast vision for them so they begin to see that God has given them the opportunity to walk through a foundation group, not just to establish their own marriages, but also to offer hope to others. Here are three great questions to give your group to reflect on after each time you meet: 1. What is God saying to you? 2. What are you going to do about it? 3. Who are you going to share this with? What are ways that we can give away leadership to create ownership? It is important that you are setting your group up for success after their foundation group experience is over. To do this best, invite them and give them a role to play. Here are several different ways you can do this:

• Facilitate group discussion | this is a great way to give your couples the opportunity to lead the group through the curriculum. Once you have established what this time will look like for your group, take some time to delegate different sessions to each couple. As they prepare to lead, reach out to them to discuss how they will lead. Give them feedback and give them the opportunity to ask you questions. After they’ve led, be sure to connect with them to offer encouragement & coaching.

• Prepare snack | this is a great way to take some of the hospitality load off of yourself. You can

even delegate the entire task of making the schedule for who brings snacks and when.

• Lead prayer time | this is a great way to give someone the opportunity to help walk your group through this time together. Give them the freedom to change this up so that they can experience different ways of praying with and for one another. You may also want to consider delegating the task of sharing prayer needs with the group via email.

• Plan social events | this could be everything from dinner together, top golf, bowling, movie

nights, holiday events, or even lake trips and retreats. It is important for your group to have fun together, shared experience builds trust. Some groups will be better about this than others, offer your wisdom and insight as needed.

• Set up service opportunities | as your group does life together, it will be great for them to find

time to serve together. Finding a couple to help set these events up will be helpful for the group as a whole.

What do we do at the end of our time as a group? When you get a few months out from the completion of your foundation group, reach out to the staff team so we can help you process next steps.

Once the group is complete, celebrate! This is a great time to share stories of all that God has done in and through your group. Try to avoid having any other agenda items except to enjoy time with one another and give God the glory for his provision for this season.

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What do you do with a couple who is not as committed to the group as the rest of the couples? • Pray for them and encourage the other couples to do the same. As much as you’ll want to control things and try to change their heart, this is not your role or anyone else’s in the group. Only God can change hearts. All too often, it is tempting to do everything else before stopping to pray for God to move in their heart. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) • Find the heart issue - Make sure they’re aware that you love them and that you’re for them. Continue to try to get to the heart of the issue. There are reasons why they’re slow to jump in and it probably has to do with a deeper hurt they’ve experienced in the past. • Ask them the question Jesus asked, “do you want to get well?” (John 5:1-9) – The ball is ultimately in their court. Stopping to ask if they want to get well is a great way to remind them that you can’t take the steps for them. This is something they will need to do. • Seek mutual understanding – Encourage the group to share how this makes them feel. The couple(s) who are interested in going deeper need to better understand why the couple who is having difficulty with commitment is struggling. Remind them to be patient with them. The couple(s) who refuses to go deeper needs to understand how their actions don’t just impact them, it also has an impact on the group as a whole. (Ephesians 4:1-3) • Continue to dig into the Word - Romans 15:1-2 – This passage says that, “we who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” There are many times where all parties involved feel like it would just be a whole lot easier to cut them loose and move forward without them. This verse is a great reminder for us to do what is in their best interest. It is our belief that staying in the group is usually in the best interest of the couple, and the group as a whole. Encourage your group to put Philippians 2:1-11 to memory.

 If a couple continues to lag behind the rest of the group, don’t lower the expectations for the rest of the group, hold firm to the expectations you set forth at the beginning of the group and encourage all couples to honor their commitment to the group. If they can’t keep up, they may eventually ask to be released from the commitment. Make sure they process this with the group and offer to help them with next steps. Remember, you are setting an example for the rest of the group on how to handle this type of situation.

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Getting Started

Getting Ready For the First Meeting In our experience, it is best for first meeting to accomplish three goals:

1. Allow everyone the opportunity to get to know one another. 2. Communicate expectations with the group. 3. Encourage them to meet together on their own the next week.

We suggest the first meeting take place around a meal. As a couple, decide if you want to provide the meal or ask the participants to help by bringing money, drinks, desserts, etc. FYI – most mentor couples do not provide a meal at every meeting, snacks and drinks are sufficient and can be delegated to the couples in the group. After you have decided how to handle the meal, it’s time to contact your couples. Your couples have already let us know that the night of the week your meeting on works for them, so all you will need to do is inform them of the time and place for your first meeting together. Here is a sample “first” email that you can send to your group members letting them know about your first meeting (items in bold can be edited as appropriate for your group):

To: Your group members Subject: Your Foundation Group

Hello!

Our names are Bob and Sue Smith and we will be your Foundation Group Leaders. We are really excited to meet each of you and see what God has in store for all of us as we begin to do life together. Our group is going to be meeting on Sunday nights and the first meeting will be at our house on Sunday, March 6th from 7:30-9:30pm. The goal for this first meeting will be for all of us to get acquainted with one another, set some expectations surrounding our group, talk about scheduling, and have some fun. We will be providing dinner for our first meeting, so please come hungry (also please let us know if you have any food allergies). Our address is 7540 LBJ Freeway, Dallas TX 75251

Will you please confirm that this date and time works with your schedule so we know how much food to prepare? We really are looking forward to meeting each of you. Please let us know if you have any questions.

Thanks,

Bob & Sue

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Agenda for Meeting #1 [Good idea to have name tags for Meeting #1 & #2] 1. Once everyone shows up, start the meal 2. During dinner, have everyone share a little about themselves [Go first]:

• Where are you from? Where did you meet your spouse? How long have you been married? What do you currently do now (job, student, etc.)?

• See page 28 for additional ice breaker questions. 3. Play the newlywed game (see page 43) 4. After the game, go through expectations with the group (see below) We cannot emphasize enough the importance of setting the tone with your group. This includes everything from energy, to passion, to establishing clear expectations. In order to help you establish clear expectations with your group, take some time to go through the bullets below. Start the discussion with these questions: Why are you here? What are you hoping for? What are you excited about? What are you fearful or nervous about? Items to discuss

• Discuss community o This is more than a marriage class. You will be caring for & encouraging one another.

Offering counsel on life decisions & holding each other accountable. o The goal is for couples to grow in their understanding of what healthy community is.

Whether they move on together in community or not, at least they know what it looks like to be in healthy community.

• Practicing the one another’s on the every others [see page 16] o This is a weekly commitment. Encourage them to get time together on the weeks that

they don’t go through curriculum with you. o These times will deeply impact the time spent together going through curriculum. o Cast vision for a group retreat 4-6 months in. This retreat will be instrumental in helping

cultivate relationships within your group. • Expectations for attendance – If you would take time off work, then it is probably a good reason

to miss foundation group. If your spouse is sick or out of town, come by yourself. • Life Maps [discuss what sharing these will look like | see last page of the participant guide] • 2-on-2 dinners and/or individual lunches [under promise & over deliver]

o If you don’t have the margin for this, then just surprise them with it. • Alcohol policy | Will you have alcohol at group events? [be sure to consider what is best for up-

building for the group as a whole, no stumbling blocks-Romans 14:13, 19] • Meeting Schedule | what a typical night will look like [see sample schedule below]

o 7:30-7:45 - hang time & snacks o 7:45-8:15 - work through curriculum [start with community101] o 8:15-9:15 - share life maps **after life maps, you’ll have more time for curriculum** o 9:15-9:30 – announcements & prayer

• Delegate responsibilities within the group (i.e. service, prayer, social, discussion) o Discuss Rotating leadership of the curriculum (take turns leading discussions) o Sign-ups for snacks – Rotate who brings dessert/drinks (if applicable) o Social events & accountability [scheduling group time together]

• Curriculum overview [let them know which books they’ll need to buy] o (Community101, Meaning of Marriage[$], A Lasting Promise[$], Moneywise & Sheet Music[$]) o Tell them you’ll be flexible on curriculum as needed if issues arise.  

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Agenda for Meeting #2 Use ice breaker questions or play a game: [see page 28 and following] Ask if anyone has any follow up questions from last week’s talk on expectations. Start Life Maps: Leader Couple share first. Set the tone for making the gospel clear and being authentic and open about your life. Set a schedule for when couples will share their life maps with the group. Begin Community 101 curriculum

Other suggestions for future meetings…

• Curriculum discussion - We have provided suggested discussion questions for each curriculum session. Feel free to choose a few specific questions to walk through together as a group, or some nights you may need all the questions to keep discussion rolling. Become familiar with the questions before the group meets. Be sure to key in on key scripture and encourage the couples to put it to memory. Keep asking the couples these three questions: What is God saying to you? What are you going to do about it? Who are you going to share it with?

• Ice breaker questions/games - These are always a great way to start off each meeting and

generate laughter. See the list of ice breaker questions provided. Be creative with this part, and be sure to share any new ideas that you have with us.

• Give Leadership away - We suggest the mentor couple lead the discussions for the first 5-6

sessions, then have each couple lead a session. As you give leadership away, be sure to connect with them a few days before they teach to go over what they’re covering. Help them know where to focus their time. After they lead, give the group time to give them feedback, & be sure to set up time with them afterward to offer encouragement.

• State of the Group - We suggest taking time between each of the books to get a pulse for the

group. How are they doing with accountability, relationships, spiritual growth & service? A great way to do this is by doing a keep, start, stop assessment. Ask the group: What do we need to keep doing? What do we need to start doing? What do we need to stop doing? Use the 6-month group assessment on page 25. Don’t assume no news means things are going well. Ask them, and create a safe place for them to share their thoughts.

• Celebrate the end of the group - Be sure to end well. Use this time to share stories of

transformation and growth. Spend time encouraging each couple specifically and give them time to encourage one another. There is a suggested plan for the final group celebration on page 45.

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INTRO TO MONEYWISE This study is hard work; many of the sessions are demanding. Therefore, don’t feel like each session needs to be completed in a week. View each session as a unique topic, and spend as much time on each session as is required to learn and grow. One of the best suggestions we have heard is to wait until the group has studied each of the lessons before sharing any financial details with one another. The curriculum will suggest sharing details during the second session. We believe it is better to wait until session 6 for two reasons:

1. It allows the group to study the biblical perspective on money so that when details are shared, any advice will come from a biblical perspective rather than personal opinions or preferences.

2. If a couple or two is uncomfortable sharing their financial details with the group, this

allows them to go through the entire study with the group and they will only miss one night.

Primary Takeaways:

• There is a direct correlation between our attitude toward money and our relationship

with God. • Newly married couples will benefit from the use of practical tools for handling the

resources God has entrusted to them. • Our attitude about money and material possessions is inseparable from our spiritual

condition. • Any study on money and finances reveals much more to a couple than merely how they

spend or save their money. Rather, our view of stewardship and money affects just about every aspect of the marital relationship.

How to lead through the curriculum The study is full of questions to discuss along the way. We suggest the following basic format for leading discussions:

1. Pick some of the verses that were part of the study, read them aloud and ask the group for their thoughts on those verses.

2. Go through some of the reflection questions as a group. 3. Go through the small group questions as a group.

Prior To Each Group Meeting:

1. Complete each lesson a. Read each Scripture referenced throughout the lesson b. Answer every question throughout the lesson

2. Be prepared to answer the small group discussion questions

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Moneywise FAQ

1. Do leader couples typically share their finances with the couples in their group?

The leaders who have shared have helped their groups be more transparent about their own finances. Some leaders just share percentages, while others share everything. Ultimately, we want you praying through this decision, just like the couples, and in the end you get to decide whether or not you share. We believe they have a lot to learn from you guys, especially since you’re a little bit further down the road than they are. If you decide not to share, at least let them know what this process looks like for you in your own community.

2. What if there is a couple who doesn’t want to share?  [see  the  intro  to  moneywise] We obviously think it's best for couples to share their finances with others. We think it's important for them to realize that they've been entrusted with the finances that they have, just like they've been entrusted with other gifts. At the same time, we do not require them to share, however we do require that they give serious thought and prayer to it. It's important to get them asking the question, “Why? Why wouldn't I share my budget?” Help them make a list of reasons and help them walk through them and see which ones, if any, are truly Biblical. Let them share their fears/concerns and help them address their heart issue. Sometimes the couples will be really teachable with stuff like this, and other times they'll be really closed off. Let them know that this is huge in helping them understand that what they have isn't their own, it's the Lords, and they should take great care in stewarding it well. This is something that we believe is done best in community, not isolation. Also encourage them to wait to make the decision to share until they've gone through the rest of the material with an open mind toward the curriculum.

3. What if you sense that the group has wrong motives in sharing their finances?

Address this and start with the heart. It's important to have a pulse on your group and make sure their motives are in the right place as they head into this material. Just like every area of their life, this should be about God's glory & not their own.

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FOSTERING HEALTHY COMMUNITY

Top 10 things that kill a community group 1. Listen to and spread gossip about others in the group 2. Surface level sharing and avoiding personal growth issues 3. Inconsistent attendance 4. Sharing opinions first instead of Scripture 5. Lack of informal relational time (only talking to others at scheduled meetings.) 6. Share 98% of your life with the group keep 2% to yourself 7. Unresolved conflict 8. Sending emotionally charged emails 9. Continually letting needy members dominate group time 10. Lack of intentional planning and direction

Top 10 things that grow a community group 1. Plan a 24 hour get away as a group (camping trips, mission trip, lake house retreat; w/out kids) 2. Evaluate your group twice a year 3. Celebrate personal victories and life change 4. Share with other members what God is teaching you throughout the week 5. Really pray for each other throughout the week 6. Shared ownership of the group 7. Hold each other accountable to initiating spiritual conversations with non-believers. 8. Putting everything on the table, nothing “private” such as money/finances/marriage. 9. Probe into perceptions (where there is smoke there is fire) 10. Adopt a cause (external focus or serving opportunity)

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PRACTICING THE ONE ANOTHERS ON THE EVERYOTHERS

Foundation Groups are a weekly commitment for the participant couples. Twice per month, the participant couples will meet with the mentor couple to walk through the curriculum. The weeks that they are not meeting with the mentor couple have come to be known as the Every Others. Participants are encouraged to spend time together building relationship, especially in the areas of care, encouragement & accountability. Over the years we have seen that the key difference between couples who have a “good” Foundation Group experience and a “great” experience is related to their consistency in practicing the One Anothers on the Every Others. Why is this time of connection so important? We believe that life change happens best in the context of community. If these couples are going to be fully known and yet fully loved they will need to get time together. In fact, our best groups have 4-6 touch points per month. As they connect with one another and grow in their relationship with Jesus, they will need a good balance of fun & depth. Sometimes these get-togethers will be purely social and fun (we cannot emphasize enough the importance of making sure this happens), but other times the meetings will be a little more focused and intentional. We believe that as the group progresses, this will be one of the richest and most rewarding aspects of participating in a Foundation Group. As a leader, this is your opportunity to further disciple your couples. As your group gets started they will need your help in figuring out how to best utilize this time together. For many Foundation Group couples this is their first time to do life together with other couples in community. Start off by sharing your own experience. Think about what your group does to practice the One Anothers together. One of your main goals is to help cast vision for what it should be like. It’s important that they get time together as couples, and also time split off into separate guy/girl accountability time. The separate accountability time can easy trip up your couples. We have found that having the leaders present for the first few meetings has been huge in helping establish how this time should look. We have compiled a document that will help you walk through what accountability & confession should look like. We have also included a basic overview of how your couples can be intentional with this time in the Foundation Group Accountability Time section. Every group will be different, so give them the freedom to figure out what works best for them, but don’t hesitate to offer insight and wisdom along the way. Once they are established, they should be able to handle this time on their own, but continue to join them from time to time so you can keep a pulse on everything. It has also been good to designate someone from the group to ensure that the group is using this time effectively. We encourage you to invest more deeply in these leaders and encourage them to reach out to you should any issues arise. No matter the schedule your group decides on, this time together should include some aspect of these three activities:

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1. Catch-up Time Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

This is time spent catching up on life and all that is going on. Here are some questions you can ask to get the discussion going: • High/Low – what has been the high point and low point of the past week? • How were things at home this past week? How about work? • Did you & your spouse have a good week?

2. Spiritual Life Assessment Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let

us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:23-24

This is time spent encouraging one another in their personal relationship with Jesus. Some questions you can ask to get the discussion going:

• What did you learn in God’s word this past week? • What has God been teaching you lately? • Have you felt connected to God or disconnected from God this past week? Why? • Accountability: See Foundation Group Accountability Time on page 19

Remember, the goal is to hopefully encourage one another in our relationship with Jesus.

3. Prayer

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.

James 5:16

This time is spent learning what to pray for one another as well as actually praying for one another. Some questions you can ask to get the discussion going:

• How can we pray with you this next week? Who are you praying for? • What is one area of your life that you would like to see God change?

Our only word of caution when it comes to sharing prayer requests is to keep them brief and Christ-centered. This is a time to share what is on your heart and how you yourself are communicating with God.

Please see the Foundation Group Accountability Time on page 19

to provide more examples of how to structure this time.

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ACCOUNTABILITY: GETTING STARTED  

As your group gets started, one of the tougher things to establish is accountability time. Some of you will find that your couples are ready to jump in with both feet, and still others of you will be discouraged by the pace with which they get this going. Much of this has to do with the blend of couples you are leading, especially when you have some couples who have never experienced community before. You’ll find that some are content with the shallow end of the pool, while others are ready to dive deep from the start. Here are a few reminders to help guide them through this important time.

Relationships are Essential | One of the biggest walls to effective accountability is the lack of relationship. Shared experience, builds trust. Give them time to get to know one another and encourage them to interact socially on the weeks they’re not meeting with you. Help them come up with fun ideas; like grabbing a meal together, going bowling, or hit up a fun dessert place. This is also a great time for them to host one another in their own homes.

It May Take Time | It is our expectation that groups will begin to meet consistently for structured guy/girl accountability around 3 months into the group, or at the conclusion of the community curriculum. This should give them time to share life maps and understand the importance of this aspect of the group. ***Some groups will be ready to move into this a lot quicker, if they’re ready, let them get started.***

Help them Get Started | Most groups will not know what this should look like so you’ll

need to have a presence as they begin to do life together. Hosting their first couple of separate guy/girl accountability times in your home is a great way to get them started. Take some time to walk through the confession/accountability document in the on page 19, and share what this time looks like for your own community group. Your availability will be huge during this time.

Share the Leadership Load | The couples in your group may not know who to look to for leadership during this time. As you get time with your group during the first 3-months, begin to think about who you could see leading the off week meetings for the group. As the group gets rolling, it may be helpful for your couples to take turns each month setting up the off week meetings and facilitating the accountability time. This is a great way for them to share the leadership load and hopefully help set their group up for success long after the foundation group has ended.

Keep a Pulse | Don’t expect that just because you got them off to a good start that things will just continue to move up and to the right. They will hit walls that they will need your help pushing through. Encourage them to share honestly with you and one another and remind them to ask for help when they’re stuck. Don’t assume silence equals health.

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FOUNDATION GROUP ACCOUNTABILITY TIME

Connect

Take time to catch up with one another. This serves as a great reminder that this time should be enjoyable, not a beating. This is where time will easily get away from you, so assign one person each month to keep you on track.

Share

Each person come prepared to share a journal of what you learned from your time in the Word this past week. Share specifically how you can obey what you have learned in the coming week.

We recommend that you Join the Journey and follow along with Watermark’s daily Bible reading plan, which you can find online here:

http://jointhejourney.com/

At the end of the document we have included the REAP Bible reading plan to help you grow. You can also use this time to discuss the Sunday message and how God is using it to impact your life.

Confession & Accountability

Take some time to walk through the accountability questions below. As you answer, be specific, sharing the heart motivations behind your sin issues. You may not get to every question, and that’s OK. This is a great time for the group to encourage one another with the truth of God’s Word and the power of the Gospel. These questions are a starting point for your group. Modify and develop your own over time.

Accountability Questions

What have you made ultimate this week? How does that reveal what you’re trusting in besides God?

How has your anger or fear or anxiety or addiction shown up this week?

How have you felt yourself resisting growth by not obeying God this week?

Are you keeping short accounts at work, at home, and with the group?

How have you battled sexual temptation this week? How are you preparing to deal with it next week? (Romans 13:14)

Is anything (school, work, technology, etc.) isolating you from others?

Ask the Group: Is there anything you see in me that doesn’t reflect Jesus?

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Pray

Talk about how your relationship and spiritual conversations have gone with your non-believing friends. Share how you plan to engage them with the Gospel and invite them to come and see. Discuss how you need prayer this week, and spend some time praying together as a group.

Stay Connected

As you grow together as a group it will become more difficult to share in the allotted time. We recommend staying connected via weekly update emails. You can share in three parts: what you’re learning from your time in the BIBLE, what you’re experiencing and walking through in LIFE and MARRIAGE, and what you need PRAYER for in the week ahead. These updates will increase the effectiveness of your time together and keep you connected outside of weekly meetings.

If someone misses a weekly meeting, it is always good to keep them in the loop of what was discussed as well as any action items they need to be aware of. Utilize texts, emails, and phone calls to encourage one another and maintain connection throughout the week.

How to REAP

Pray as you open the Bible, asking God to open your eyes to see and your ears to hear.

Read the passage. Read it a few times, silently and out loud, with a pen in hand. Take note of any thoughts that might be significant. Answer the question, “What do I see?”

Examine the passage. Take a deeper dive into the text. Work through this list of questions:

• What does the text mean? [Take a look at the context of the verse] • What do I like? Is there anything that I don’t like? • Is there anything I don’t understand? If so, what does the rest of the Bible have to say

about it? • What do I learn about God, people or myself from this passage?

Apply the passage. Answer the question, “No matter where I am spiritually, what would it look like for me to apply what I just read this week?” Write out your response to this question.

Pray. Ask that God would be glorified as you seek to apply the passage. The goal of this kind of Bible study is primarily to grow in faith and obedience, not just mere knowledge. This is just a general outline to give your group time some structure, the actual time spent in each section will vary from week to week. Your group will need to discover what works best over time.

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WHAT TO DO WHEN CRISIS HITS

Chances are, at some point during your time as a Foundation Group leader one of your couples will experience a “crisis”. A crisis can take many different forms, but here are some examples of what would be considered a crisis (this list is not exhaustive):

• Infidelity (both physical and emotional) • Pornography • Miscarriage / loss of a child / infertility • Sudden job loss • Alcohol or substance abuse • Significant financial difficulties • Repeated inability to resolve conflict and communicate effectively • Issues surrounding physical intimacy • Abuse (verbal/emotional, physical, sexual) – both in the past and the present • Intrusive in-laws

HELPFUL DO’S AND DON’TS A crisis can be very effective in providing an opening to true community. It has been said that the one minute after someone shares intimate details about their life is quite possibly the most important one minute in the life of your group. Therefore, it is essential for the leaders to know how to navigate these situations very carefully.

   If a crisis is communicated to you privately, the same “do and do not” listed above apply. We would however add one more “do”: encourage them to share their crisis with the group. In our

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experience, widening the circle of people who are aware of what is going on allows for the best care and encouragement to be provided to the couple, and allows you as the leader to share the burden and the privilege of walking with a couple in crisis. If they’re not ready to share with the whole group, encourage them to invite one other couple to join you guys when you meet to discuss the crisis.

STAFF INVOLVMENT Please inform the church staff point of contact about the nature of any crisis encountered in your group. The primary reason for communicating with the staff would be to ensure you, as the FG leader, do not feel alone and/or overwhelmed. In addition, we believe there is wisdom found in many counselors (see Proverbs 11:14, 15:22, 20:18, 24:6).

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ELECTRONIC COMMUNICATION ETIQUETTE

Electronic communication (Facebook, Email, Twitter, Text Messages, and Instant Messages) is both great and terrible at the same time. It is great because it allows you to communicate quickly and efficiently. It is terrible because everyone has a different writing style and electronic communication often removes two elements that are vital to good communication: voice tone and body language. Chances are someone in your workplace, family, circle of friends, or community group has written an electronic message that probably should not have been sent. Perhaps it was not funny, too long, too harsh or too confusing. Nothing can stir up trouble in relationships like poor electronic communication. Since you and the person you are communicating with desire to stand firm in one spirit with one mind (Phil 1:27) and all followers of Christ ought to desire to live at peace with one another (Romans 12:18), we offer the following suggestions when it comes to adopting electronic communication “rules” :

1. Try to keep all electronic communication to “just the facts”. Emotional topics are difficult enough to communicate face-to-face and are almost impossible to communicate electronically. Make every effort to keep electronic communication factual. Here are some examples:

• Do you want to meet up for dinner on Thursday? • Guys, any interest in watching the Rangers game on Thursday? • Wanted to tell you, lunch with my dad went well, more details later, but thanks for

praying. Rule of thumb: Electronically, factual information communicates best.

2. Electronic communication is terrible for conflict resolution, venting frustration and negative emotion. One problem with using electronic communication is how difficult it is to appropriately communicate tone, facial expression, body language and voice inflexion. All of these are essential elements to good communication and when they are removed, all you are left with is words. Electronic communication is really “one sided” communication. Long emails full of emotional topics often communicate selfishness (I want to make sure you hear and understand me), rather than the desire for mutual understanding and assuming the best. Rule of thumb: if your message has the potential to be interpreted negatively, don’t send it.

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3. Electronic communication is acceptable for encouragement & positive emotions On the flip side, electronic communication is acceptable for encouragement and feelings of positive emotion. Everyone loves a random message of encouragement, and this is one very positive use of electronic communication. Rule of thumb: if it will brighten their day…fire away!

4. If you are writing more than 5 lines, your message might be too long. You are busy and everyone in your group is busy. If you find yourself writing more than five lines in your electronic communication, it might be best to make a phone call or shorten the message to “just the facts.” Rule of thumb: one topic per message.

5. If there is something you feel more comfortable sharing via electronic communication rather than during a meeting or community group time, then this may indicate an issue that needs to be discussed face-to-face. We’ve all received the 3 page email from someone after our group time has ended and wondered, why didn’t they share this while we were in the group or at the meeting? If you feel more comfortable sharing prayer requests or other details about your life electronically rather than when you are gathered with your group members that should probably be explored. Electronic communication is best when it functions as a secondary means of communication, not a primary means of communication among group members. The group will probably benefit from engaging in this conversation (next time you all are in the same room together). Rule of thumb: if you didn’t (or wouldn’t ) communicate your electronic message during group time, why not?

6. When in doubt, pick up the phone. Rarely do people regret picking up the phone to communicate with someone in their group or sphere of relationships. If you have any doubt about whether or not your electronic communication should be sent, err on the side of caution and pick up the phone. Rule of thumb: if you call them, you probably won’t regret it (unless there is conflict, in which case face-to-face is always recommended).

The best form of communication is face-to-face communication, however, that does not mean you should completely abandon all forms of electronic communication. Electronic communication is not the problem. It is a great tool that has made this world much easier. However, like all tools, when not used properly, there are some unintended consequences. Electronic communication can serve your group or it can fracture your group. Hopefully by following the simple “rules of thumb” listed above, you and your group can experience its benefits with as few unintended negative consequences as possible.

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SIX MONTH ASSESSMENT QUESTIONS

Purpose: The purpose of this tool is to help you assess the status/health of your group. The ideal time to use this tool is after you have been meeting about six to eight months.

Recommended instructions:  

1. Read over the “Questions for leaders” 2. Discuss your answers to these questions with your spouse 3. Read over the “Questions for participants” 4. Lead a discussion with your group going through as many of these questions as possible

during one of your group meetings. 5. Make any tweaks that you believe are necessary as a result of this assessment 6. Share your findings with the church’s staff contact, especially stories of life change in

your couples since the beginning of foundation group. ***This will be extremely helpful for you as the leader and for the couples. Please do not consider it optional.***

Questions for the leaders:

1. Based on how the group has started, what do you think the group should: a. Keep doing? b. Stop doing? c. Start doing?

2. Some important values for Community are: devote daily, pursue relationally, counsel biblically, live authentically, admonish faithfully and engage missionally.

a. How do you believe the group is doing in these six areas? b. Which area do you believe the group needs the most improvement/progress?

i. What can you keep doing, stop doing or start doing to help make progress in this area?

3. As far as you know, are the participants meeting regularly during the off weeks? a. Is it all social? b. Is it all business?

4. Does it appear the participants are they engaging with the curriculum? a. Do you need to slow down? b. Do you need to speed up? c. Do you need to change topics/books?

5. Do you sense any awkwardness, tension or conflict between the group members? a. Do you need to help initiate a conversation between group members? b. Do you need to pry a little more to determine whether or not your perceptions

are correct?

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6. Do you perceive that any group members are negatively influencing the dynamics of the group?

a. Do you need to have a conversation with this couple (or individual)? b. Do you need some coaching as to how to best handle this couple (or individual)?

7. Is the group having any fun? a. Do you need to have a planned interruption? b. Do you need to plan a mixer with another Foundation Group?

8. As you think about each couple, what are one or two steps they could take that you believe would benefit their marriage?

a. How can you best communicate these steps (if you have not already)? b. How can you try to help them take these steps?

Questions for the participants:

1. Based on how the group has started, what do you think the group should: a. Keep doing? b. Stop doing? c. Start doing?

2. How do you believe your marriage has changed as a result of being in this group? Be as specific as possible.

3. As you think about each couple in the group, how have you seen them grow? 4. Some important values for Community are: devote daily, pursue relationally, counsel

biblically, live authentically, admonish faithfully and engage missionally. a. How do you believe the group is doing in these six areas? b. Do you feel like the group is safe and that you can be open, transparent and

honest? c. Do you believe others feel like the group is safe and are being open, transparent

and honest? d. Which area do you believe the group needs the most improvement/progress?

i. What can you keep doing, stop doing or start doing to help make progress in this area?

5. Are you and the other participants meeting regularly during the off-weeks? a. Is it all social? b. Is it all business?

6. Do you find the curriculum helpful? a. Do you believe the group needs to slow down? b. Do you believe the group needs to speed up? c. Do you believe the group needs to change topics/books?

7. Do you sense any awkwardness, tension or conflict between the group members? a. Do you or any of the couples to help initiate a conversation between group

members? 8. Are any group members negatively influencing the dynamics of the group? 9. Are you having any fun? If not, how do you think the group can have more fun

together? If not, how do you think the group can have more fun together?

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SAMPLE FOUNDATION GROUP RETREAT SCHEDULE

Friday  

6:00 - Meet for dinner

9:00 - Arrived at the lake

9:30 – Snack & Games

Saturday  

9:00 – Breakfast [Assign a different couple to help you with each meal.]

9:30 – Time of individual solitude [pray, hike, read, connect with Jesus]

10:30 – Group activities & games [football, volleyball, basketball, etc.]

12:30 – Lunch

1:00 – Split guy/girl time [Intentional questions about known struggles & accountability. Get a pulse on how this is going]

2:00 – Free time [1 on 1 time, hang out, board games, naps, swim, fishing, etc.]

5:00 – Couple time to discuss 3 questions:

1) Since starting foundation group, what area(s) have you seen your spouse

grow the most? [Take some time to share specifics]

2) What’s one idea you have for us to infuse fun into our relationship? [Get

detailed and make a plan]

3) What questions do we want to ask our leaders tonight during hot seat?

6:30 – Dinner

7:30 – Debrief on how group is going: keep? stop? Start?

8:30 – Smores around the fire pit [Discuss what they shared with one another during couple time]

10:00 – Hot Seat: Group Leaders answer any/all questions from the couples.  

Sunday  

9:00 – Breakfast

9:45 – Devotional led by a foundation group couple

10:15 – Couple Time (couples write letters to one another giving specific things that they

love/enjoy about one another... basically a time to affirm each other.)

11:15 – Free time

12:15 – Lunch

1:00 – Pack up and head out

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ICE BREAKERS & GROUP OPENERS

1. What is your favorite movie and why?

2. If money were no problem, and you could choose one place in the world to travel for a week, where would that place be and why?

3. Write down you two most favorite summer activities. Pair off and share those activities with one another, explaining why they are your favorites.

4. Who is your number one advisor in life and why?

5. One of my biggest pet peeves is ______________.

6. People might be surprised to find out that I ______________.

7. You have three wishes. What would you wish for?

8. If you suddenly lost your eyesight, what would be the thing you missed seeing the most?

9. What is the most daring thing you have ever done? What made it so daring?

10. My favorite way to waste time is ____________.

11. You have one minute to speak to the entire nation on national television. What one or two key things would you like to tell them?

12. What’s the story behind the longest time you’ve gone without sleep?

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13. What were the circumstances that surrounded your first kiss?

14. Who is the most famous person you’ve known or met? How did that happen?

15. When I dated, I was considered _________ because ___________.

16. If you could do one miracle (other than make the whole world Christian), what would you do? Why?

17. What do you miss most about childhood?

18. What’s the biggest lie you ever told?

19. If given a choice, how would you choose to die? How do you not want to die?

20. What is your biggest fear about death?

21. If you could go to college (again), what would you study?

22. What’s the worst storm or disaster you’ve been in? What was it like?

23. Describe the most boring day/event/period of time you can remember.

24. What day of your life would you most like to relive? Why?

25. What’s the smallest space you’ve lived in? What was it like?

26. I was (or would have been) voted “most likely to” _________ in high school.

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27. Just for the fun/thrill of it, before I die I’d like to _________.

28. My number two career choice would be __________.

29. As a time traveler, I would most like to visit ____________ because ___________.

30. What has been one of the greatest adventures you have ever been on?

31. If I could invent a gadget to make my life easier, I’d event something that would ______________ because ___________.

32. Next year looks better to me because ___________.

33. Next year may be a problem because ___________.

34. I am most like my mom in that I ___________.

35. I am most like my dad in that I ____________.

36. I wish before I got married someone had told me ________________.

37. I have never quite gotten the hang of _________________.

38. I’m a bundle of nerves/all thumbs when it comes to ______________.

39. I will probably never ____________, but it would still be fun if I could.

40. What are a couple of things you remember about your grandparents?

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41. What does your name mean? Why were you named that?

42. What is one of the most memorable dreams you have ever had?

43. If you were going to leave the world one piece of advice before you died, what would you say?

44. If you were to describe yourself as a flavor, what would your flavor be?

45. What was the best gift you ever received as a child?

46. If you could raise one person from the dead, who would you raise and why?

47. Who was one of the most interesting persons you or your family ever entertained?

48. What is the nicest thing anybody ever said about you?

49. What one thing would you like your obituary to say about you? Why?

50. What is your favorite city? Why?

51. Where do you go or what do you do when life gets too heavy for you? Why?

52. Which do you value most—sight or speech? Why?

53. When you were growing up, who was the neighborhood bully? What made that person so frightening?

54. What is your fondest memory of a picnic? Why was it so special?

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55. What is the best news you have heard this week? The worst news?

56. What was one of the worst things your brother or sister did to you as a child?

57. If your house were on fire, what three items (not people) would you try to save?

58. What was your first job? What do you remember most about it?

59. Who was the best boss you ever had? What made him or her so good?

60. When you were a child what did you want to be when you grew up? What did your parents want you to be?

61. If you could choose one different way to do your wedding (parachuting while reciting your wedding vows, holding the service underwater, et cetera) what would you choose?

62. Who was your hero when you were growing up? How did you try to imitate him or her?

63. If you could go on national television and warn your countrymen to avoid three things, what would you say?

64. What was your worst boss like?

65. I suspect that behind my back people say I’m __________ because __________.

66. Tell the group briefly the story of your wedding day. (If you warn them in advance, each couple can bring their pictures to share with the group.)

67. Tell the group what’s been happening in your life lately using the following categories: something old, something new, something happy, something blue.

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68. Why do you sin? (No simplistic answers allowed!)

69. In what area of your life would you like to have greater peace? Why?

70. If you could someday have a worldwide reputation for something, in what area would you like that to be? Why?

71. What is one of your biggest fears about the future?

72. Using a fruit or vegetable as a metaphor, how would you describe your life this week (dried fig, ripe cantaloupe, smashed banana, et cetera)?

73. What do you like best about your children? Why?

74. Of the things money can buy, what do you long for the most?

75. If you had to go to prison for a year, what do you imagine would be the hardest part of that experience? Why that?

76. Describe a grade school teacher that made a big impression on you (for good or ill).

77. You have been granted one hour with the president of the United States. What would you ask? What would you like to say?

78. You have been given a year sabbatical from work. You can’t go more than 150 miles for any one period of time. What would you do?

79. Break your life into three equal segments. What was the most significant event from each of these periods of time?

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80. Have each person in the group answer for every other member of the group: “I am so glad God made you ________ because that aspect of who you are is __________.”

81. Something I have from my childhood I’ll probably never give up is __________ because _________.

82. The most useless thing in my/our house is __________ but it’s still there because ___________.

83. The thing in my wallet/purse that tells the most about who I think I really am is ________ because _________.

84. When you were a child, what was your favorite time of day? Day of the week? Time of the year? Why were these favorites?

85. In general, people worry too much about ___________.

86. I want to be taken more seriously in the following area: _____________.

87. An emotion I often feel but don’t usually express is _____________.

88. What cartoons did you love to watch when you were little?

89. If you were selected to be on a reality show, which one would you like to be on?

90. Can you speak with a British accent? Let’s hear it.

91. When you retire, will you move out of Texas? Where?

92. What are the first names of your grandfathers? This is your nascar name.

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93. What cartoon character are you most like? Why?

94. Did you have an imaginary friend growing up? Tell us about him/her/it/them.

95. What is on your DVR (e.g. TIVO)?

96. What is your middle name? What is the city where you were born? This is your soap opera name.

97. Where did you go to high school? How big was your high school graduating class? Do you still have your report cards?

98. What is your greatest regret from 2008?

99. Have you ever had a song stuck in your head for an extended period of time? What song? How did you get rid of it?

100. How did you meet your spouse?

101. How long did you date your spouse before you got engaged? How long were you engaged?

102. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

103. Do you have secret competitions with yourself? i.e. I counted to 50 before this elevator reached the 5th floor.

104. Do you have any kids? How many, names, ages?

105. Do you put your utensils in the dishwasher handle end down or up? Does it matter to you?

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106. What is your 2nd favorite color? What is your favorite drink? This is your superhero name.

107. What was your favorite grade in elementary school?

108. What was your 1st job? How much did you get paid?

109. What are your biological parents’ first names?

110. Who was your best friend growing up? Do you still keep in touch?

111. What were the names of your kindergarten through 3rd grade teachers?

112. If you had to change your first name, what name would you choose?

113. What was your favorite gift you received at Christmas this year?

114. What was the biggest trouble you got in to when you were in high school?

115. Do you know the meaning of your first name and/or the origin of your last name?

116. If you could invite 5 people from the past, famous or not, to dinner at your house, who would you invite?

117. What is your favorite state in the US? (Texas not allowed)

118. If you could turn into any animal at will, which one would you select and why?

119. How was your first year of marriage?

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120. As a child, did you ever peek into a wrapped gift before you received it? Did you get caught?

121. If you could have any superhero power, what would it be? Why?

122. If you could go back in time, what year would you visit? Why?

123. If you could be a contestant on any game show, which one would it be?

124. What one word sums up your high school experience?

125. If you could go anywhere this summer, where would you like to go and why?

126. What is your favorite movie? Why?

127. What is something you definitely want to do, that you haven’t done yet in your life before you die?

128. If you had the talent to play a professional sport, which one would you select?

129. If you had an unlimited shopping spree at any store, which one would you choose? Why?

130. Who is your favorite author? What is your favorite book?

131. What is your favorite holiday and why?

132. If you could be any office supply product, what would you be? Why?

133. What was your favorite gift you gave at Christmas this year?

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134. What was your favorite toy growing up?

135. What was the coolest vacation you went on?

136. What is the longest period of time you have lived in one house?

137. If you were stranded on a deserted island, what 3 people would you most want to have join you?

138. Where did you grow up? What was your high school mascot?

139. If you were only able to have one cd for the rest of your life, what would you choose? Why?

140. What was the worst job you’ve ever had?

141. When and where was your first date? Bonus: What was your spouse wearing?

142. What is your favorite memory from when you and your spouse were dating?

143. What would your spouse say is his/her favorite movie?

144. What is your favorite memory from your wedding?

145. What would your spouse say is his/her favorite TV show?

146. What would your spouse say is his/her favorite dessert?

147. If you could travel to the future or past, where in time would you want to go?

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148. What would your spouse say is his/her favorite place to “get away”?

149. What is your spouse’s least favorite chore?

150. What book have you read the most or you never tire of reading?

151. What are your top three favorite movies of all time?

152. If your spouse could change jobs, what would be his/her dream job?

153. What is your spouse’s favorite “comfort” food?

154. What was the breed and name of your spouse’s childhood pet?

155. What does/did your spouse call his/her grandparents? (e.g. Nana, Papa)

156. Where would your spouse want to take a trip if he/she could go anywhere in the world?

157. What is the strangest gift your spouse has ever bought for you?

158. What was the best vacation you’ve ever taken together?

159. What is the first movie you saw together?

160. Who is your spouse’s favorite band/singer?

161. What is your spouse’s #1 pet peeve?

162. What is your spouse’s greatest strength?

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163. What one article of clothing do you wear that your spouse cannot stand?

164. What was the first meal that your spouse cooked for you?

165. What is your wife’s greatest cooking disaster?

166. If your husband could drive any car in the world, what kind of car would it be?

167. What object does your husband/wife have that he/she has kept since childhood?

168. What was the name of your spouse’s high school AND the mascot?

169. High / Low – each person share the high point of their past week and the low point of their past week.

170. What would you say has been your focus the past week?

Note - #1-#88 were obtained from Leading Life-Changing Small Groups, Revised Edition” by Bill Donahue and the Willow Creek Small Groups Team ©1996

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GROUP GAMES

Pictophone • Have everyone sit in a circle and give each person a piece of paper for each person in

the circle [i.e. if there are 12 people, each person gets 12 pieces of paper] -Each person thinks of a phrase and writes it on their card.

• Once everyone has a phrase on their card, the game begins. • Each player will pass their card to the right and the next person has 45 seconds to draw a

picture of what they think represents that phrase -After 45 seconds players pass their cards to the right again and then they have 45 seconds to give the drawing a caption.

• The cycle continues [caption-draw-caption-draw...] back and forth until all cards are written on.

• Next each player will share the progression of their phrase with the group.

Fishbowl • have all players sit in a circle and number off (1-2-1-2-1-2) to form teams. • give each player 3 pieces of paper. • have them write a person on one sheet, a place on one sheet, and a thing on one

sheet. • fold the pieces of paper in half and place them in a bowl or basket. • the game is played in three rounds.

o Round 1 is played like catchphrase, where you can say anything but the words on the card to try to get your team to guess what it is.

o Round 2 is played like charades where you act out the words on the card. o Round 3 you can only say 1 word to try to get your team to guess what's on the

card and it can't be a word on the card. • the person with the closest birthday will start the game by grabbing a card out of the

bowl, trying to get their team to guess as many as they can in 1 minute. • once their turn is complete, they pass to the next person on the other team and they

have 1 minute to do the same. • once a round ends, scores are tallied for the specific round. [1 point for each card

guessed] -if a player ends a round with time still on the clock, they get to start the next round with that much time on the clock.

• the game ends at the end of round 3. Scores are tallied for each round and the team with the most points wins.

• if a player uses a word on the card it has to be placed back in the bowl for another team to guess, and the person grabs another card.

• in round 3, if a person grunts or says "um" that's their one word, so be careful. Many a game is lost this way!

2 Truths and a Lie Ask each person in the group to think of two true facts about themselves, and one lie and write them on a piece of paper. Each person in the group takes a turn telling the group their three items.

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The group then has to agree on which fact they think is a lie. Once the group announces their decision, the speaker tells the group the correct answer. The group then can talk about any of the interesting things they just learned about the new person.

Four On A Couch This game is best played with a group of 12 or more. The explanation is very long and involved, but DEFINITELY worth it. This is essentially a memory game. The object of this game is to get 4 members of your team on the designated "couch" (or just a section of 4 chairs). To start, have everyone sit down in a circle (including the 4 "couch" seats) alternating boy/girl/boy/girl or (team A/then B/then A/then B.) It will work as long as everyone knows who is on their team. This means that two of the 4 designated seats on the couch belong to your team and two belong to the other. Remember the objective is to get the other team out of those seats and your members on. So, how do you do that? First, you write everyone's name on a card and have everyone pull a name out of a hat. Everyone has a different name in their hand (it doesn't matter if it is their own name). Once everyone is seated and has a name card you can start the game. There should be one empty chair/place in the circle. Whoever is to the right of that empty place has the opportunity to ask someone to come sit next to him. The first couple people will just guess a name because they do not yet know who holds what name cards. Say the empty seat is next to you and you call the name Jeff... the person with the name Jeff on their card gets up... NOT the person whose name is actually Jeff. Once this "so-called Jeff" comes and sits next to you, you switch name papers. Now YOU have become Jeff and the person who sat next to you has the name you had (which only you know because no one has seen it but you). Now everyone knows that You are Jeff. There is an empty space where the guy who just sat next to you used to sit. So the person to the right of the empty seat calls another name (Sarah). The person with that name on their card moves to that spot and switches cards with the caller. You now know that the caller's name is Sarah. You just keep doing this until eventually you call the name (on the card) of someone on the couch and they have to vacate their coveted position. If the person to the right of the empty spot is on the couch, they will want call someone from their team up to join them. (they will have had to remember from before). People in the circle will want to remember the name of an opposing team member on the couch, so that in case an empty seat opens up next to them, they can call someone off the couch. A person on the couch will want to remember their own team members' names so they can call someone on the couch. Keep in mind however, that YOU may be called onto the couch and be required to remember your own team members' names as well since it will be up to you to call team members onto the couch. The only rule of the game is that you can't call the same name twice in a row. Another note to remember if you are playing boy against girl is that it is the actual gender of the person HOLDING the card that counts, not the gender of the person whose name is on the card. Sarah may be called "Jeff" but she still counts for the girl's team on the couch.

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THE NEWLYWED GAME

Instructions 1. Have plenty of 3x5 cards (or scraps of paper) for people to write down their answers. 2. Have the men and women sit on opposite sides of the room. 3. Ask the men to write down their answers to the round 1 questions (the women can be in

the room – make sure there is no “cross talk” or “hint dropping”). 4. After the men are done writing down their answers, ask the women for their answer. If

the answers match, each couple gets 1 point. If the answers don’t match, no points are awarded.

5. Re-perform steps 3 & 4 but this time the women write down answers to their round 1 questions.

6. Re-perform steps 3, 4, and 5 for round 2 and 3 (if necessary).

For Men Round 1 | 1 point each

1. What was the first movie you saw together? 2. If you took your wife on a dream vacation, where would she want to go?

a. If your husband could take you on a dream vacation, where would you want to go?

3. Write the chore you least like to do in the following format: • “I hate to do ______________ because ____________.” • “I hate doing laundry because I have to go to the Laundromat and find so many

quarters.” a. How would your husband answer the following question?

4. According to your wife, what is your most annoying habit? a. What is your husband’s most annoying habit?

5. What is your wife’s favorite restaurant?

Round 2 | 2 points each

1. What was your first argument about after you were married? 2. Other than you, who will your wife say is her closest confidant?

a. Besides him, who would your husband say is your closest confidant? 3. What is your wife’s pet name for you?

a. What is your pet name for your husband? 4. My wife is a natural born ____________.

a. According to your husband, you are a natural born ___________. 5. My wife’s favorite TV show is _____________.

Bonus | 3 points

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• Barring any financial or other barriers, how many children will your wife say she would like to have?

For women

Round 1 | 1 point each 1. What were you wearing on your first date?

a. What was your wife wearing on your first date? 2. What would be your husband’s dream job?

a. What is your dream job? 3. When you wake up in the morning you are likely to find his _______ on your ________.

a. According to your wife, when she wakes up in the morning she is likely to find your __________ on her _________.

4. What is the oddest location you have ever shared a kiss? 5. Describe your husband’s ideal date night (3 parts, 1 point each).

a. What is your ideal date night – identify up to three parts.

Round 2 | 2 points each 1. When did your husband last give you flowers?

a. When did you last give your wife flowers? 2. Not many people know it, but my husband is really good at ___________.

a. According to your wife, not many people know it but you are really good at ________.

3. What did your husband get you for Christmas last year? a. What did you get your wife for Christmas last year?

4. What one article of clothing does your husband wear that you just can’t stand? a. According to your wife, what is the one article of clothing that you wear that she

just can’t stand? 5. My husband’s favorite singer/band is ________________.

Bonus | 3 points • Barring any financial or other barriers, how many children will your husband say he would

like to have?

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FINAL GROUP CELEBRATION

1. Make the final session one where there is no curriculum discussed…it will be a night solely focused on celebrating what happened during your time together.

2. Have a meal together.

a. Ask: What do you believe is the most important thing you learned during

the foundation group process?

b. How is your marriage different having gone through the foundation group experience?

c. Ask: What can we (the leaders) keep doing, start doing or stop doing to better serve newly married couples? This is just a suggestion, you do not have to ask this question, but it would be good to try and get some feedback from them regarding your leadership.

d. Prepare some thoughts for each couple and go around the room and affirm each person/couple. Tell them things you appreciate about them and how you were encouraged by them throughout your time together.

3. Pray and thank God for what He did during your time together.

4. After you have celebrated together, we’d love to hear all about it. Send an email to the church staff contact and share stories of God showing up in the lives of the couples in your groups.