First Peer Review of Senior Year. Huzzah! College Application Essay Workshop.

First Peer Review of Senior Year. Huzzah!

College Application Essay Workshop

Read the ANECDOTE (not the rest of the essay)What sense do you get from the story

(positive, negative)?Are you getting a sense of any “green”

concepts?Are you IN the story, or is it just ABOUT a

time?

LabelingWrite your name at the top of their paperRead the entire essay. Do not comment on

it yet, just read it.Make a key at the top of the person’s paper

using your highlightersSample:

Green=Connection to the “big picture”/prompt (GREEN CONCEPTS) = top of abstraction ladder

Yellow=Telling = middle of abstraction ladderPink=Showing = bottom of abstraction ladder

Thesis CheckDoes the writer have a thesis including

three green words?Highlight and circle the three green words If thesis is missing, write that in the marginsIf thesis contains less three actual ‘green’

words, write that in the margins

Showing vs. TellingRemember:

Telling: (middle of ladder)Abstract ideas like “nice,” “nervous,” “upset,” “scared,”

“love”Telling about an example rather than telling the

example like a storyShowing: (bottom of ladder)

Think back to the MLK Jr. speech. Remember when we highlighted the CONCRETE details, the things from the BOTTOM of the abstraction ladder? That’s what you are looking for in this essay.

Paints a picture of what those abstract ideas look likeClear, concrete pictures

Highlight papers for showing vs. telling now

Anecdotes/Green words continuedAre the green words supported by the

anecdote?Go back through the anecdote. Has the

author CLEARLY SHOWN these green words? If not, write which green words are not shown and which ones need to be clearer.

“Showing” EvaluationCheck for clichés

“Quiet as a mouse,” “bored to tears,” “bright as the sun”Circle all clichés and suggest alternative phrasing for each

Is it vague? You can easily answer this by looking at the percentage of

“showing” words you highlighted. If you highlighted more TELLING than showing, then the story is probably vague. If you highlighted more SHOWING than telling, then the story is probably clear

Do you get a clear picture of the story the writer is telling?If no, write a note at the end of their paper about thisIf yes, write how they achieved this

Is it written in the appropriate register?

CharacterizationBox all the pieces of the anecdote that

characterize the writer (or if an impersonal prompt, characterize the issue)Should be parts that highlight who/what the

writer/topic is (green words)Do you get a clear image/idea from those green

words? If not, proceed to the next bulletIf there is no characterization of the

writer/issue, write in the margins: “You need to characterize yourself” Indicate where in anecdote he/she could add

characterization

Is it Connected to the Prompt?Look at everything after the anecdote:

Highlight areas that connect the anecdote to the prompt (commentary)

Circle areas that do not connect the anecdote to the prompt and feel “out of place” or “off topic”

Re-read the promptHas the writer addressed what the prompt is

asking for?If yes, write “fulfilled prompt” next to the promptIf no, write “did not address the prompt” or “missing

part of the question” next to the prompt. Circle any parts of the prompt that the writer has not addressed.

Cut the LARDRead the paper again. Cross out anything

that does not add value to the essay (can be extra words, phrases, clauses, or whole sentences)

Cross out every example of “you” and “your” UNLESS it is part of dialogue in the anecdote

Wonderful/Things to ConsiderAt the end of your partner’s paper, write

TWO things that he/she did really wellBe specific and include detailsEveryone does at least two things right in

every essayWrite TWO things that he/she needs to

improve uponBe specific AND offer ways to fix these.

Always assume they made an error, so you can focus on locating that/those error(s)

For tomorrowYou must turn in ALL of the following to be

consider “complete” and “on-time.” They must be in this order:Final draft Original promptWorkshopped draftTurnitin.com receipt