Finding Balance: Effective Stress Management Jason Northrup, M.M.F.T., LMFTA, LPCI Therapist, Employee Assistance Provider May 6, 2008 YOUR TTU/HSC EMPLOYEE.

Finding Balance: Effective Stress ManagementJason Northrup, M.M.F.T., LMFTA, LPCITherapist, Employee Assistance Provider

May 6, 2008

YOUR TTU/HSC EMPLOYEE ASSISTANCE PROVIDER PRESENTS…

INTRODUCTION

Welcome! Did you get a handout?

Things you will learn about today: The definition of stress Sources of stress Burnout Concepts and techniques for managing general stress

effectively How relationships with certain people can contribute to stress Concepts and techniques for handling stressful relationships

CAVEAT

Attending this workshop will not magically make stress disappear!

If you want to experience a decrease in your stress level you must actually do something different!

If you want a low-stress life then you must make these tools part of your lifestyle!

LEARNING ABOUT STRESS

Stress Our reaction to events (environmental or internal) that exceed

our adaptive resources• Experienced physiologically, cognitively, emotionally, spiritually

Different Types of Stressors• Physical

• Psychological

• Familial

• Spiritual

• Social

• Occupational

LEARNING ABOUT STRESS

89% of Americans report that they often experience high levels of stress

Can be experienced at practical levels or can be brought to critical levels in two ways:

• Cumulative Stress

• Traumatic Stress

THE STRESS CONTINUUM

Stress

Traumatic (short-term)

Cumulative(long-term)

Fight or Flight General AdaptationSyndrome

Hormones

(coping)

Exhaustion

(burnout)

Resistance

(coping)

BURNOUT

Burnout

A state of mental and/or physical exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress (Girdino, Everly, & Dusek, 1996)

BURNOUT

Three stages of stress leading to burnout Stress Arousal Energy Conservation Exhaustion

STAGE 1: STRESS AROUSAL

Persistent irritability Persistent anxiety Periods of high blood

pressure Bruxism (grinding your

teeth at night) Insomnia

Forgetfulness Heart palpitations Unusual heart rhythms

(skipped beats) Inability to concentrate Headaches

Stress Arousal includes any two of the following symptoms:

STAGE 2: ENERGY CONSERVATION

Lateness for work Procrastination Needed three-day weekends Decreased sexual desire Persistent tiredness in the

mornings

Turning work in late Withdrawal Cynical attitude Resentfulness Increased caffeine or

alcohol consumption Apathy

Energy Conservation includes any two of the following:

STAGE 3: EXHAUSTION

Chronic sadness or depression

Chronic stomach or bowel problems

Chronic mental fatigue Chronic physical fatigue

Chronic headaches The desire to “drop out” of

society The desire to move away

from friends, work, and even family

Thoughts of committing suicide

Exhaustion includes any two of the following:

THE IMPORTANCE OF FINDING BALANCE

www.mindtools.com

STRESS MANAGEMENT

Three major approaches Action-oriented

• Confront the problem which causes stress; Change the environment, your situation, etc.

Emotionally-oriented• We do not have the ability to change the situation, but we can change our

interpretation of it (how we feel about it)

Acceptance-oriented• We do not have the ability to change the situation nor do we have emotional

control; survival-focus

ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES

You can manage your situation.

You can manage the amount of stress.

ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOURSELF

Take care of yourself physically: exercise regularly, monitor your diet, get enough sleep

Take time to do things you enjoy and talk with people in and out of work

Find a relaxing hobby Improve communication and conflict resolution skills

—assertion, not passivity or aggression (more on this later)

Enrich your life spiritually

ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOURSELF

Get a pet Get a massage Ask for help Sing or write about your problems (emotionally express

yourself—vent! Holding it in makes it worse!) Listen to relaxing music Leave the office at the office Reconsider your lifestyle and objective in life. Outline

what will provide you the deepest satisfaction in life and make that your priority

ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING THE AMOUNT OF STRESS

Set realistic goals for yourself (see handout)

Be realistic about how much you can accomplish in a day

Structure your time and your day to plan for the unexpected

Practice good time management Don’t sweat the small stuff (don’t

spend dollar time on penny projects)

Manage your money realistically

ACTION-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING THE AMOUNT OF STRESS

Delegate. Avoid reverse delegation Don’t procrastinate (this also applies to taking time for

yourself!) Choose your battles, differentiate between what you can

control and what you can’t Learn to say “NO” appropriately. “Do know your limits and

don’t limit your no’s!”

EMOTIONALLY-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS

Don’t stress about being stressed! Change your self-talk (set of thoughts you have about events

that happen to you) Avoid overreacting Take breaks Learn relaxation techniques: meditation, guided imagery,

muscle relaxation (more on these later)

EMOTIONALLY-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS

Thought Awareness, Rational & Positive Thinking Our own negative thinking often contributes to our stress level Be aware of these thoughts and challenge them as they arise!

It will only take a second• If it is hard to think objectively, imagine what you would say to a friend

After you have challenged the thought, give yourself an affirmation (these work best when specific, framed in present-tense, and have strong emotional content)

• Use intelligently—don’t be a Pollyanna

EMOTIONALLY-ORIENTED APPROACHES: MANAGING YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS

Emotional Analysis Negative emotions are an early warning sign that something is

wrong in the situation Stop and relax! Figure out why the emotion is there (e.g. ask

yourself if you think that the situation is keeping you from a goal, if you expect the situation to fail, etc.)

Challenge this assumption realistically Take appropriate action

ACCEPTANCE-ORIENTED APPROACHES

Accept that you are powerless Allow for proper time to “grieve” Share your feelings with someone who cares about you Express your feelings privately (e.g. a journal, a “letter,”

prayer, poetry, etc.) Keep taking care of yourself in other ways to prevent a

buildup of stress

ACTIVITY

Draw a line down the center of the page. On one side, write down your stressors. As many as you can name. Weight them from 1-10.

On the other side list the resources you currently use to help you deal with your stressors. As many as you can name. Weight them from 1-10.

Total each column. Which is bigger? By how much? What can you add/subtract to make them closer?

MANAGING STRESS

Some techniques people use to manage their stress ends up backfiring (e.g. alcohol and other drugs, shopping, sleeping, eating, excessive TV-watching/internet-use, etc.)

These may provide short term relief but in the end cause more stress.

BURNOUT IS PREVENTABLE

You have a choice! You can actively choose to do things differently and take care of yourself or you can choose to put it off until it catches up with you.

You can ignore your needs, deplete your resources, and the stress will eventually lead to burnout. It is your choice!

DEPRESSION

Most everyone will have times in their lives when they feel down, discouraged, or depressed.

These are often triggered by stress, disappointment, or problems in social or family relationships.

SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION

Depressed mood most of the day almost every day (feeling sad or empty or being tearful)

Not wanting to participate in pleasurable activities that you once enjoyed, too tired

Major changes in sleep patterns or appetite Feeling worthless or guilty, hopeless about the future Suicidal thoughts, thoughts about death Difficulty concentrating, trouble making decisions

WHEN TO SEEK HELP

If you are experiencing several of these symptoms and they have been occurring for more than a few weeks it is a good idea to utilize your EAP or seek out another trained professional.

JUST DO IT

Don’t assume that the problem will go away or be too embarrassed to ask for help.

Don’t wait until your relationship is so damaged that both of you can’t even decide if it is worth working on.

When depression is diagnosed and treated properly, you and your partner can get back to leading a healthy normal life.

RELAXATION EXERCISES

It’s time for you to sit back and relax. It’s stressful talking about all this stress!

Let’s take a break and then practice some of the things you can do for yourself to help you better manage your stress.

RELAXATION EXERCISES

Imagery Imagine a peaceful setting

• Safe, peaceful, restful, beautiful, happy

• Imaginary or a real location

• Bring all your senses into the experience, one-by-one

Imagine stress flowing out of your body or locking away stressors

Imagine performing a stressful, upcoming task well• Lowers anxiety

• Mental practice for the real thing, so you often actually perform better!

RELAXATION TECHNIQUES

Meditation Often stigmatized by bad stereotypes (e.g. as a mystic

practice), but research has supported it for some time (read The Relaxation Response by Benson, for example)

Get comfortable and consciously and progressively relax your body and focus on one thing (e.g. your breathing, an object, a sound, an image, etc.) for a sustained period

• This occupies your mind, diverting it from negative thoughts or anxiety

• Gives your body and mind a chance to recuperate

• Do this for 10 to 20 minutes (set a timer so you don’t have to think about time)

RELAXATION EXERCISES

How do you feel after only a few minutes of practicing just two of relaxation techniques?

STRESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

Some people who might have the power to affect your stress level… Your boss

STRESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

Your coworkers

Spouses

WHEN DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

1. Put problem people in proper perspective.

2. Take your pick - positive or negative.

3. Don’t expect difficult people to change.

4. Give and request frequent feedback.

5. Be straightforward and unemotional.

6. Deal directly and discreetly.

7. Document for self-protection.

STRESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

3 tools for dealing with stressful relationships Assertiveness

• When you need to speak up

Stakeholder management• When you need structure

Active listening/Validating• When you need to slow down

ASSERTIVENESS DEFINED

Assertion occurs when a message expresses the speaker’s needs, thoughts, and feelings clearly and directly without judging or dictating to others (Adler & Towne, 1996).

AGGRESSIVE, PASSIVE, ASSERTIVE RESPONSES

Passive Assertive Aggressive

Avoid saying what you want.

Say what you honestly want, think, and feel in a direct way.

You say what you want, think and feel at the expense of others.

Hope someone will guess what you want.

Clear communication

Make an exaggerated show of strength, flippant.

Want to please, to be liked

To be respected To dominate or humiliate

ASSERTIVENESS

“Promotes equality in human relationships, enabling us to act in our own best interests, to stand up for ourselves without undue anxiety, to express feelings honestly and comfortably, to exercise personal right without denying the rights of others” (Alberti & Emmons, 1995).

Assertiveness is NOT manipulation and it is not for “wimps.” It is for everyone, including those who have been taught to “win at all costs” and those who are taught that it is “wrong” to be angry.

THE COMPLETE ASSERTIVE RESPONSE: 5 STEPS

1. Behavioral description: objective statement of the facts without emotion (e.g. “You said that my work was substandard”)

2. Interpretation: process of attaching meaning to behavior. This is subjective (may be unique to you) (e.g. “You’re looking for a reason to fire me, so you’re being especially picky” or “You think I’m capable of doing better”). This works better with a more positive interpretation

THE COMPLETE ASSERTIVE RESPONSE: 5 STEPS

3. Feeling: connect the emotional component of the meaning (e.g. “I feel overwhelmed, discouraged, frustrated, etc.”)

4. Consequence: result of the behavior, interpretation and/or feeling (e.g. “I don’t want to even try anymore”)

5. Intention: may indicate where you stand, requests of others, or descriptions of how you plan to act in the future (e.g. I’d like to figure out another way for us to communicate about my mistakes”)

WHEN TO BE ASSERTIVE

It is a good idea to know when to behave assertively and when it is okay to express your anger. Behaving one way all the time is, at the least, boring, and, at the most, really annoying.

WHEN AN ASSERTIVE RESPONSE IS APPROPRIATE

You understand both sides of the situation and it is still important

You have a good chance of getting what you want You are looking for a specific outcome and not just

expressing yourself You have counted to 10 and have an appropriate response The risks and/or consequences are realistic Your actions will make a positive difference…you would kick

yourself later if you didn’t do something.

STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT

1. Identify your stakeholders

2. Prioritize your stakeholders

3. Understand your key stakeholders

STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT

Some possible stakeholders… Your boss Your coworkers Customers Prospective customers Your family/friends

STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT

Prioritizing

www.mindtools.com

STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT

Key questions: What financial or emotional interest do they have in the

outcome of your work? Is it positive or negative? What motivates them most of all? What information do they want from you? How do they want to receive information from you? What is

the best way of communicating your message to them? What is their current opinion of your work? Is it based on

good information?

STAKEHOLDER MANAGEMENT

Who generally influences their opinions, and who influences their opinion of you?

Do some of these influencers therefore become important stakeholders in their own right?

If they are not likely to be positive, what will win them around to support you?

If you don't think you will be able to win them around, how will you manage their opposition?

Who else might be influenced by their opinions? Do these people become stakeholders in their own right?

LISTENING

Some tips, hints, and suggestions on improving something you’ve been doing all your life!

ACTIVE LISTENING

Active listening (i.e. reflective listening) includes LEAPS. L: Listen. Give full attention, suspend judgment, don’t jump

to conclusions, listen for feelings, use prompters (e.g., head nods, uh-huhs) to signify listening

E: Empathize. Show genuine caring and concern, put yourself in their shoes and try to imagine what they’re experiencing

A: Ask. Seek clarification (who, what, when, where); beware of “why” questions.

ACTIVE LISTENING

P: Paraphrase. Demonstrate understanding by “feeding back” what you’ve heard; if uncertain, use tentative tone and language; as much as possible, use their language; seek confirmation (e.g., “is that right?”)

S: Summarize. In your own words, highlight major sections of information; might begin with “let me see if I’ve got this right”; ask for confirmation.

THE ART OF VALIDATION

Creating Common Ground Level 1: Total agreement. You have listened to the person and

you totally agree with them. Level 2: Partial Agreement. You attempt to find something

that you can agree with in what they are saying. Level 3: Though you don’t agree with anything said, let the

person know that you recognize how important it is to them and will give them the consideration they deserve.

MAKING HEALTHY IMPROVEMENTS

Respect confidences coworkers share Honor personal boundaries Keep work connections friendly & flexible (not

overconnected) You are not expected to take care of everyone at work It’s not the responsibility of the workplace to take care of you Avoid giving personal meaning to everything, be less reactive Stop asking questions and try to make more statements Do not overly apologize (only regarding your errors) Don’t try to change people—listen more and talk less

Questions and Answers

THE END

I hope you learned some useful information and/or had a good time.

Please fill out the evaluations.

Remember, you have 5 free therapy sessions at the EAP!