Fagin school 1

The Fagin School-1

For over-ambitious administrators in

Indian government offices

The Fagin School functions in the underground of a building complex.

On entry, one finds various wall posters

The first poster reads:

Are you a top level administrator in a government office in India?

The second poster reads:

Do you want to become an all-powerful officer?

The third poster reads:Do you feel that the rules of your organisation are an impediment to your unjust ambitions?

The fourth poster reads:Do you feel that the Courts interfere and give just verdicts clipping your wings, whenever you act ultra vires?

Are you an administrator in a

government office in India?

Do you want to be a powerful

officer?

Do you feel that the rules of your organisaton are

an impediment to your ambitions?

Do you feel that the subordinate officials quote all the right rules so that you are not able to violate them to favour

anyone?

Do you feel that the Courts

interfere and give just verdicts clipping your

wings, whenever you act ultra

vires?

Your training in the Fagin School will see you rise up!If your office

rules do not allow your unlawful personal growth

Do not worry, at all !

Our Syllabus includes

Tackling court cases

Takckling

Audit

Tackling public

opinion

Tackling political masters

Tackling higher officers

How to avoid knowledge of Rules,

on record

How to select

subordinates

How to bend Rules

Tackling the Rules

Tackling the people

Fagin School believes in teaching with real-life

examples

Filtered incidents with evidences

Incidents in Central

Autonomous Bodies,

Incidents in Government

Offices.

With such motivating posters,

The Fagin School became a real attraction to the ambitious officers who believed in self-promotion using the power and position in the public sector organisations.Their preliminary check-up with the officers who graduated from the Fagin School earlier convinces them that that School provides them with practical techniques to commit any kind of misconduct and crime and escape being caught.

There is, therefore, a long queue of such officers for admission. But, getting admission there is difficult as the screening process is a difficult one to get through. Today is the first day of the School, this Fall.

The First Day in the Fagin School

Prof. Fagin the Second

Prof. Fagin II introduces himselfand welcomes the officers who opted for training in the Fagin School.He starts delivering his lecture, after initial introductory formalities.He says,

• “Students! I may say something that you, as senior officers, know of already in your own departmental trainings. But, many things you do not know would be made known to you in this course, because we provide juicy examples from various departments of the Central Government.

• We believe in enriching you with knowledge that would make you omnipotent in your department.

• On joining an organisation, you must identify the friends and the enemies.”

There are four kinds of government employees:

1. Honest and efficient.2. Honest but inefficient.3. Dishonest and inefficient. 4. Dishonest but efficient.

• “The officials of the First category are the assets of the organisation. They benefit the organisation and the public.

• The officials of the Second category are harmless and their mistakes do not attract vigilance angle, as there is nothing to doubt their integrity.

• The people of the Third category have more desires but less competence. They, therefore, get caught very easily.

• It is the people of the Fourth category who are dangerous to the organisation and the society. We, at the Fagin School, cater only to this segment. We equip them with more knowledge and sharpen their skills.

• Although this course can do something for the Third category , we are not able to do, because there is large number of applications from the Fourth category itself.”

Prof. Fagin II continues,

• “Those who belong to the First and Second Categories are your enemies. • Those in the third category are your friends.• Those in the Fourth category are rivals although they happen to be your

subordinates. They have to be tackled by you very cautiously as they would be ready to work for you not as subordinates but as collaborators.

• Now, identify the people of the First and Second categories and replace them, at the earliest possible, if they are in the Administration Division or Legal Division. Post such efficient people to some other wings of your organisation, like Stores, Purchase, Co-ordination, Reception, etc.,

• Fill up the Administration and Legal wings, only with the people belonging to the Third category.

• Do not post the people of the Fourth category there in the Administration. If you do, they may soon be controlling you rather than your controlling them.”

Prof. Fagin II continues

• “The best service you can get from the Administration Division under your control, will be only when you post your subordinates from the third category.

• They would put up note just the way you desire.• They would not cite Rules, if those rules are not

according to your liking.• They would put up note of any kind as per your

dictates. It would, then, be easy for you to harass any subordinate official. Or to confer a favour on some other subordinate official.”

‘Fearless to the Strong andHumble to the Weak’

• said, Edgar Alan Poe.If you are an officer of the First Category, you would naturally go for the subordinates of the First Category.

• Your office can, then, stand up to the might of your corrupt higher officers and political masters;

• Your subordinates will admire you;• Your service will benefit humanity;• You will achieve the real purpose of human life.• But, you will not be able to amass undeserved wealth, you will not be able to

play favourites in recruitments, you will not be able to award contracts to the people of your choice.

• When you have made up your mind that your choice is to become a powerful officer in your organisation, so that you can enrich yourself personally, you should not go by Edgar Alan Poe but only by our ideas in the Fagin School.

• “So, make bonhomie with the officials of the Category III. They can be easily satisfied if you cater to some of their mean desires for undeserved promotion and perks, now and then. Make them realise that but for your patronage, they would have been in a very lower post. They will, then, do anything that you want. And, with their assistance, you can do anything that you like.

• Moreover, It is they who will be caught later, if there is any investigation, and not you.

• Because the note submitted by them would show that it was they who had misled you.

• Ensure that they do not put up note citing correct rules position. They must write only what you want and not what ought to be written, as per procedure. This is called the Doctrine of Avoidance of Knowledge. It is our School which invented this Doctrine.”, said Prof. Fagin II, with legitimate pride.

Outshining the master

Acquisition of knowledge by the staff-members makes the entire organisation strong.But, do not allow that to happen.Do not give proper training to the staff members on any of their subjects. Then alone will the subordinates of the Third Category comply with all your unlawful directions. Not only that. That will blunt the effectiveness of the subordinates of the First, Second and Fourth categories, as they stagnate in their knowledge. In short, your ‘enemies’ and ‘rivals’ should not be supplied with weapons in the form of knowledge and skill. Your ‘friends’ do not require more knowledge. Please, therefore, do not waste the government funds for in-house training of the subordinates. The ignorance of all your subordinates is your strength.Never allow any subordinate official to outshine you. Curb such people. Harass them, if possible, so that the others do not try to be smart. After all, your aim to promote your personal interest and not the public interest.Informed and enlightened subordinates are the first impediment in your journey to achieve your personal desires through a post in a public organisation. These principles constitute the Doctrine of Disarmament.

Prof. Fagin II concludes

• “Okay friends! • You were taught two doctrines today. What are they?”• The students replied in chorus, “Doctrine of Avoidance of

Knowledge and Doctrine of Disarmament”.• Prof. Fagin was happy that his students grasped the contents of the

lecture so fast. He said, “That is good. You have the knack of understanding things fast. I am very happy. During the next session, we are going to see how to keep your pliable subordinates happy, by giving promotion to juniors far below in the list of seniority.

• You will also see how to frighten and quieten the affected seniors, by discreet threat that you could do anything, not just to harass, but even to finish off their career. The entire organisation will then be under your effective control. Okay?”

One of the participants asks a question:

• “Mr. Fagin , May I ask a question?”• “Welcome!”• “I agree with your suggestions. They do

work, really. But, once the subordinates come to know of our designs and desires for malpractices, they do not give respect to us. They even snigger at us. Can you suggest some solution for it?”

Prof. Fagin II replies:

• “It is strange that you are concerned about your respect among the subordinates. Once you make up our mind to make money out of the post you hold in a government organisation, you should not bother yourself about the opinions held by the others about you.

• They may snigger at you. So what? It is simply immaterial. What is material is that they should not act against you. They should not talk against you in your presence. Because, what maters much more is the money that comes through your post.

• You must know the following facts:

“So, be happy that you are able to emit fear among your subordinates. Do not worry yourself too much about the loss of respect. You cannot be in the Fourth and First category at one and the same time. You cannot have the cake and eat it too.”

“But, your Table says we could emit enormous fear. How come?”, asked a student.

“Yeah! That is the crux of the entire course. As long as you emit enormous fear as a superior officer, you are safe with all your misconducts. There are various techniques to emit enormous fear among the subordinates. We are going see them again and again and again in this course. But, that is later. Thank you!”

Character of the superior officer Reward from subordinates

Honest and efficient Enormous respect

Honest but inefficient Goodwill and sympathy

Dishonest and inefficient Contempt

Dishonest but efficient Enormous fear without respect.

• Prof. Fagin leaves the underground lecture hall.

• The participants also leave the hall with determination to enforce, in their offices, the two doctrines they learnt today.

• They have resolved to shuffle their subordinates and not to put efficient ones in the branches in which they would be taking unlawful decisions. They are, now, more eager to attend the next session.

To be contd. in Part II

Clip arts: courtesy : www.shuttercock.com