F IRST I MPRESSIONS : W HAT Y OU D ON ’ T K NOW A BOUT H OW O THERS S EE Y OU Based on by: Ann Demarais, Ph.D., Valerie White, Ph.D.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT HOW OTHERS SEE YOU

Based on by:

Ann Demarais, Ph.D., Valerie White, Ph.D.

WHAT IS A FIRST IMPRESSION

A first impression is our first and sometimes only opportunity to provide someone with a sense of who we are – a sense that will most often be a lasting one

What makes a good first impression?

- A good first impression is the one that reflects the real you.

- If you are presenting the best of yourself, the self you want to share, then you are making the impression that is right for you.

PURPOSE OF THIS SESSION

To ensure that the first impression we are giving is the one that we want.

To do this: Some actors to demonstrate no-nos OPEN MIND First Impressions Self-Assessment Booklet

Test your “First Impressions” Style

SEVEN FUNDAMENTALS OF FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Accessibility Showing Interest Subject Matter Self Disclosure Conversational Dynamics Perspective Sex Appeal

ACCESSIBILITY Openness is the first part of a first impression

Smiling Making eye-contact Orienting yourself toward others

Making the introduction Passive vs. Active

Tone Not setting a positive tone is in essence setting a

negative tone

Primacy Effect

ACCESSIBILITY

Recognize your Positive Accessibility Behaviours

Recognize Common Miscommunications you may be exhibiting

Any interesting revelations?

SHOWING INTEREST

Interest is a gift you can give someone

Process: directing your physical energy Looking Leaning Non-verbally responding

Style: intensity of your curiosity How you compliment and show appreciation

ACTORS – Faux Segue ACTORS – That Reminds Me of Me

SHOWING INTEREST

SUBJECT MATTER

The Usual Order Level 1: The Field- Where we are

Helps others feel relaxed around you Level 2: The Facts – What’s Happening

Safe, little risk of offending anyone Level 3: The Fun-Stuff – Ideas and Opinions

Here you will decide if you like one another

Topics Add topics and variety Give conversational partner opportunity to

change the subject

SUBJECT MATTER

Talking At (Duh-duh-duh for EWB)Teller and audience Style 1: Lecture Circuit

Data dump WARNING: Always a positive experience for the lecturer

Style 2: Storytelling ACTORS - Storytelling

Style 3: Sermonizing Delivered with the intention of convincing Instead try and leave an interaction having learnt

something from a different perspective Style 4: Telling Jokes

Alienating if others have to assume the role of audience

SELF DISCLOSURE

Be prepared to answer basic questions – imaginations are unforgiving

Share to connect Sends the message “I trust you,” “I value your

opinion”

ACTORS – Disclosure Agendas

Passions are Positive, Blunders are Sexy Avoid topics that put conversational partner

in nurturing role Complaints – NO ONE CARES

CONVERSATIONAL DYNAMICS

Energy and ability to synchronize outweigh what you say

Energy How much How fast How loud

Synchronize Take turns Yield the floor Mutually satisfying rhythm

ACTORS – I’m-really-interested-in-you-now-let-me-talk

ACTORS - Speed

CONVERSATIONAL DYNAMICS

Tips When you mimic the movements of your partner

it makes the interaction smoother

Women have a more negative view of interrupters regardless of the sex of the interrupter

PERSPECTIVE

How you see yourself and the world we live in

Situations out of your controlPeople judge you by the way you react to situations out

of your control

ACTORS – Situations out of your control ACTORS – Being combative

One Up Position One Down Position Parity Position

PERSPECTIVE

Your Outlook You have the power to bring out the positive or

the negative in someone, without the person even knowing it

When you convey a negative outlook you rob others the opportunity to enjoy the situation

ACTORS – Pollyanna Perils

Trait Transfer

SEX APPEAL

About showing appreciation for others, having confidence in your body and presenting a relaxed style of sexual expression

The way you feel about yourself impacts how others feel about themselves in your presence

LESSONS FOR EWB

Demonstrating openness with body language

Finding commonalities with conversational partner

Avoid talking at by: Allowing partner to

change topic

Sharing your feelings “I was apprehensive

asking for donations too”

“I was skeptical at first until…

Set a positive tone

Follow ‘usual order’

TWEAKING YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION Awareness

Review your tables Identify best and worst assets Reflect on secret sensitivities Garner feedback from trusted source

ChangingDISCOMFORT IS PART OF THE PROCESS

Psych yourself up Choose 1 behaviour Focus on reactions not behaviour Let go of “first nature”

Start Now Make a goal Reassess with tables Garner feedback

“Personal development means learning different ways of being based on

informed choices, not just reactions to situations”