, -ffi;1g-- E&e-Fi sr yoi m ideas n an eSsan Sri likely to be used r l. Age 2. Sex C. Results In Stage Three of rhe ryriting prc your outline, or alternative orm graph or essay. For college wo .'1f9:#--tf ia he PaPer. ...t, ll'1"" rne (ISgework tor the mai exampres, quotatrons- 64w;i\'i;;'*, i i l "r\1i"_ . ..p1Pt:"s yow initial writing needs o be edone. ev sg:jlgl€E-jg9!€i!_rh9ll&idr4tt4lh9qr srop: "I go sfurght tqgoglr rhe ot stop_ rmall pro blems:@ffi-aih) Usins the-i-f or_ s as they occur ;];ir-;g-d;EE;d-and sim"ply wnte a vision. Th€'following paragraph s Bi in spelling, grammar, and punctr ^ her outlire;.it also ncludes some . P,&"'.t:^< d- . U*'-l' rir'l--+- F , u..L\ *,_-_-A ^A-(( , /.- 1€6a::-^-,'- Make me a traffic cop, an{t'll cracx ogp-o:: cenarn qpes 01onvers. Firsl off - t \ ' - - :out is tIGFEbof the hiBhway. Near the top are the up_ xample, this morning when I was driving to school, :ved at least a couple notches in aH-ation pad, and I cut offpeople and force their way in, and leave behind ren there,s he left-tum buliies the onu. th"t k""p *oi] rr m to red. They come n all agesand sexes, hey can be 1. Collisions r,rl""*,i"" "-""" i- A. fi4.;;n l. Hostitity u ar"=---* l. Accidena 2. People upset a E . E 9 @ / ,- l \12.-7., lot ofroad demons out there. Maybe t,s good I,m not a traffic cop, Rambo or oth_
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In StageThree of rhe ryriting prcyour outline, or alternative ormgraph
or essay.For college wo.'1f9:#--tf
ia hePaPer....t, ll'1""
rne (ISgework tor the mai
exampres,quotatrons-
64w;i\'i;;'*, iil"r\1i"_
...p1Pt:"s yow initial writingneedso be edone.
evsg:jlgl€E-jg9!€i!_rh9ll&idr4tt4lh9qr srop:"Igo sfurght tqgoglr rhe ot stop_
rmall pro blems:@ffi-aih) Usins the-i-f or_s as they occur ;];ir-;g-d;EE;d-and sim"plywnte a
vision.
Th€'following paragraph s Biin spelling, grammar,and punctr
^ her outlire;.it also ncludessome
. P,&"'.t:^< d-. U*'-l' rir'l--+- F
, u..L\*,_-_-A
^A-((,
/.-
1€6a::-^-,'-Make me a traffic cop, an{t'll cracxogp-o:: cenarn qpes 01 onvers. Firsl off
-
t \ ' - -
:out is tIGFEbof the hiBhway.Near the top are the up_xample,
this morning when I was driving to school,:ved at least a couple notches in aH-ation pad, and Icut offpeople and force their way in, and leavebehindren there,s he left-tum buliies the onu. th"t k""p *oi]rrm to red.They come n all ages and sexes, hey can be
1. Collisions
r,rl""*,i"""-""" i-
A. fi4.;;nl. Hostitity
u ar"=---*l. Accidena2. People upset
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/ ,- l\12.-7.,
lot ofroad demons out there. Maybe t,s goodI,m not a traffic cop,Rambo or oth_
FEI,'E!D!149J119! rn4llEl_las ecessary.jon\ beatraid o changeheoutline.Of_ten goingback andforth between he initial draft aodthe outline will preyentvour
The term frst draft suggestsquite accurately that there will be other drafts, or ver_sions,of your writing. Only in the most dire situations,such asan n-classexamina-
0na separateheei fpaper,sewrite rough raft l aparagraphranessay sdifectedyy0urnstructor,
tion when you have time for a!$Dec wrtn a srngle
r4gi#--l:_-
checking for!9fis-io.u-ncludes
content, and Ianguageeffectiveness. diting_(discussedlater in this chapter) nvolvesa 6rtal correctingof simplemistakeslnd--dundamentals
somea!911!9g1l94gd anendio dlrhei mallpoints hat canbe easily
You shouldlearn o look for cerrain spectsf skillfulwriringasyoue*i.hii-f,Gfair yo* fust
&aft. To help you recall theseaspectsso that you can keep them in mind artd examineyour rnaterial in a comprehensive fashion, tli6.-textbook offers aacronym in which each errersuggests n importaru- aIId !e-
vision.This deviceenables ou to memorize he features f goodyou will be able o recall and refer to them automaticallv.These not be
suchas spelling,punctuation, and capitalization. n Rracrice,editing and revising,,e-nor_ahjvays.separateg!!!!" a rhough wrilers usgllly wE unti]lk next+o-theJas,
attended to individually when you revise your writing, although theythey need not be attended o in the order presentedhere.The acronvr(pronounced"qlues"), which provides this guide:Coherence, anguage,Unfrphasis,Support, and Sentences.
Each of these eatureso{ good wtiting can be approached vith a set o{ techniquesyou can apply easily o yow fust draft. They are presentedhegqwith some details,examples, and supporting exercises. t the end of thiscnapter lof a concrse tst ot these fearures a set of questionsyou can apply to
your own writing and to peer editing.
Is
next. You
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Coheence
how one idea connects o another and to This central
thought, of course, s expressed rhe topic se-nrenceor a paragraphand in the the_rs or an essay, ou can achievecoherence fficiendy by using he followrng:
Overall pattern
Transitional termsReperit ion f key wordsan d mportant
deasrronounsConsistentpoint of view
0verall afiern
:
,n, later, [ollou.,ing, afier, at tbdt Dointyht, eft, beyond,behind,aboue,'below \
t1,,
otud',,tbird, most) ,qore i
.
By usingtransitional teranother The transi ron.Tt,
too""r hdlp your readersmove easily rom one dea toI term in eachof the following sentencess italicized.First, I realized I had to get a j ob to sray in school.
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,y track coach wanted the team to spend more hours
'le qetendrng champions.
re of my courses.
Hepeti{ionfKeyW0rd$&ndrflportantdeas
Repeateywords ndpbrasesoI..
l A:E,n =o!&gjq:hg.ader,smindand oT-H+gf$?+slnecessa.ry
rorasmoorhowof ogicalhought.Seehe ec_on on tmphasis ater n rhischaprer.l
Point of y!9# shows he writer's relationship to the material, the subject,and it usu_i t t / -
aJqld@fsnot change within a passagL, ..--
lt you are corveying personalexperience,he poiat of view qiil, be fitst persoru. rI, which can be either involved (a participant) or detached rn &-r-€EF-.-
'
Being consistent ig these_rnatlgq14ll mote coherence.
i r
In the revision process, he word language akes on a specialmeaning, referringto usage) oneJand diction. If you are writiag with a computeq consider usingthe thesaurus eature,but keep n mind that no two
words shareprecisely he samemeanins.
{gn.uou^
propr4{, you will draw unfavorable attention to your message. hat doesnot meantna9'Slanedoes not hrve i tq n la.c- i f dncc Tt."- A- i--^ i-^:: , . - ^-J -^r^,r--r ^? i: ::31$1$I:::l*
haversplace-ir does.t canbe masira_rivendcolortul.OFen.tnough.IT-9I.])a weak ubsrinrleor a more
Dreciseocabularv.Usage s an impoitant part of writing and revising:Judgewhat is appropriate foryour audienceand your purpose. What kind of language s expected?
Whatkind of
language s bestsuited or accomplishingyour purpose?
principies oi stanciardEnglish in your writing and revising, you will masrer rhem.
Most of the material in the Handbook is grammatical explanation of stand4rd,
-ro wnte ettectively.The Handbook offers clear explanations and examples. t alsoprovroes exercrses upported by answers n the Alswer Key. As you practice the
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the The tone couldhave epresented =matter and the audience.Tonecan haveasl B
+elLge11algn1asyou canhave eelings:t can, or example, esarcasric,o-or_i\=i'ous. serious.cautionarv- ohiect iwe otnw"li. .
"---,L;+-- ^--. :-^---1 ---r -, -. \ Yl
?
ous,serious,cautionary,objective, grovelhg, angry,bitteq sentimental,enthusl.rti., \Esomber,outraged, or loving. ; -,
. 3
E"Dont talk to me n that tone of voice,l or .,I
ac- ;
[dn1like rhe on esheused
whenshe old me,.l itb: sound of the speaker's oic. ,r.d 'n?.ybg,!he 5
.Lettsayyou aregeringa haircut.Looking n those anoramicmirrorsborderedwith pictures f peoplewith different tyles._{haircurr;;;;. ;#r;" hair srylisti:furrtF!{ t:9 m5b-!e.r. Youcould usediffet""t torr", i
*ii-;r-E.r-*rr,"rrmelyhow-to insftuctions-
obiective "If you don't mind, what I meant to say was that I would likea hair_cut proportioned similar to that one there n tJrepicture of Tom Cruise rom
Jerry Maguirb.,'
Ilumorous: ',Ihesitate o make suggestionso someonewho is standing at my
l-TL T l:9t*,",sharpiastrumentearmy hroat, ut ,m eningmyhair
i,rl*;:*r brr. don,twanr ou o takeoff a ot n_theackandon he
sloes.--
Fl| \^.,.* (€ \-
| , ' \\'r.r.ir.rx I (
oyerbearing: "Damn iq buddy. wifl you v,/atchwhat you're doing! I asked for ahaircut, not a shave. f God had wanted me to havebareskin
:]t--Y'H f T-T:lt:*,1*l*' " :-glrleprerll3let*E id." rnaparticurar
H3: :,.,11.-*mpliesheaudienlf;Trffiate
to your audience.
Usually you_rone will be consistent hroughout you! presentatro& although forthe informal essat,often,assigned n college,-youmuy ct oo.e to begin in a light_hearted, amusing tone beforesw.itching o i _or" r".loor, objectivemode.
Dictioo is worgq t!ot-. tr_yoousegood diction, you are rrding the bestwords for a__=_:=-__ _ _/_, o,_g grv!!vu,
ruu 4rc ururrrt rrre oest words lot a
l:-:"..T:^n1n::in addressing_ certain.audience.There is some overlap, there_
j::::Tf:l^Xe and iction.l ar"ori".;" *". i,,'iri;;;; -J;I""J;
reaction in the following way:
Poor iction:This part_of he subway s really a mess.Ever),where look I cansee
Shgspeole1I.; i;;;,'ffi fi#ffiil"*;:;1H:l1::. *.T
-.t*e
sotidtems re iquids. " ,h. _;il-";;;"h;;;podge of posrersand wriring. The whole areaJ,
""tdi;;; ;";;;""'
pleasant.
how rlff,cenecomeso ife with betterwordchoice:
Good iction:
Note
, . fBeforeme I saw] an uaspeakablemassof congealedoil, puddlesof du_bious iquid, and a mishmashof old cigarettep4ci"r, -jliJ"rJm.ru
,The differencehqrweqn hese wg passagess obvious..Th.gr+-@ f.r-,
/ sucnas veryoury- an o -vety unpteasant" arry ttf lemeantng. he authorha sno r
| ^^)^ '-^ ^^^'rL_
--'^_-l 1
---- --'=-
I made us see.Jhe word, uery is an empry modifier I he secondpassage qfetfi\
\ You can visualizewhar rbe writer is saying boug} rhe speeffiCicrion; h&df-Jhe
first is eeneraland. for content. hardlv soeshewond sinolenh'"ce--ec. in rhc Ihe first is generaland, for content)hardly goesbeyond a singlephrase-mess ir the _lsubway. 1
newspapersr nd the debris hat filtered down from the street above. [Thewalls were a display of posters]-here a text from the Bible, there a half-nakedgirl, here a pair of girl's legswalking up the keys of a cash register-all scribbled over with unknown namesdnd well-known obscenities. ,
The {ollowing list shows the differencebetweengeneraland specificwords.
General Specific More Specific
food fruit juicy, ripe peach/mess
lr,l"t' candywrappersJempty cans
drink soda PepsiLite
odolkitchen sme.ll aroma of coffee brewing
Another aspect of dictioniJ expression.To achievethose distinctions,you
sider this sentence:familiar
When rhe Prince married Cifideretla.ber sisterswenr 6d;n wirltarseshe u, ,ro.'" n
"rry#.",, lea\ng h;;;ijifud
Those words were written by a personwho doesnt care about communicating ina clear and interbstingmanner It would be far better to say:
Vhen thtfrince married Cinderella,her sisterswere enviousbecause heyhad no suitors.
reflect
A controlling idea,statedorwl\-,o,. \ &s
quick asa flashslow but sure
other sideo{ the coin
breathless ilence
acid test
befter ate than never
six of one,half dozenof the other
and
gs/ 1n every
This ist shows om@
young at heart
rotten to the core
uphill battle
more than meets the eye
bitter end
as uck would have t
last but not least
Cliches re_194];g!31p511!a. A clich6masrerm3n.i4l31Ssanguages t ir*.t"
"pjg&!4gg!94_bEildj!g_pj!g_.lgp,not botherirg ro o.. ,tty imagination an=d a
is usualli"athbbeeirlningf a.pi r-..*r"JrJiri ."a i"j::!lllgsrarement .@
RepetitionfKeyW0rdsndmportantdeas
Repetition is one of the sirnplestdevices n your writert toolbox. The words re_
:;*rr:T :f-':*w-ords,hrases,tigl,rty
"1,"."a "r*..o"iir"""r-r.
o"o"maintains the continuity
rou can use his valuable echniqueeasily. f, as s donen the following example,you are discussing he effecrsof rhe schoor .opo* pJi._,,i:.ijrTew::ra"f*_""r,r.
may e repeated, erhaps ith slie#;:je,oriv;:et"ltgl
U I !) \\+J_-
r l,The causesofthe school dropout probremhave re-ceivedmuch atcention re-
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cently,but the effects arejust as mportant. one obviousresult is that ofunem_ploynent or low-paying employment. The student who drops out of school islikely to be dropuiag into povefiy, perhaps even nto a liferong conditon, Anothereffect is juvenile crime. The young person who has no prospects for a goodjoband no hope arr oo frequently tums to illegal activities.a third resuit concernsthe psychologicai
well-being of the dropout. eJthough withdrawing fiom schocjlseems o offer a quick, viable soiution to perceivedproblems, t almost rmmedi_ately has consequences or the dropoutts self_esteem.Of course, hese effectsmay also be tied to causes,such as drugs,poverty,crime, or psychological prob_lems, but devastating repercussionsare there at t}Ie far end of the causes_and_effects continuum, ana youngsterswho are contemplating dropBlagout shouldconsider them with care.
A word of rjvarning: The effective use of word and phrase repetition should not beconfusedwith an irritdting misuseof word repetition. \Ve all at times get stuck oncertain words, and the result s a negarive esponse rom our audience.Consider hisawkward use of repetition: _
'.,
She ooked at him and frowned. He re turned the look and then looked
away at a stanger looking for his lost keys.
Thar's oo many /ooft 's.Consider his version:
She ooked at him lor, euenbetter,She rowned at him]. He glared backand then glancedaway at a strangersearchingor his lost keys,
The secondveision preserveshe idea of people "looking" by using synonyms. t ismpre preciseand doesnot grate on the leader'smind as he first does-
lf tt*FIow much support as evidenceor explanationdoesa pieceof writing need! A gooddevelopmental paragraph ful-fills its fuaction by developing the topic sentence. An es-satis completcLuben it fulflls its funciion of developing a thesis. Obviousln yoriiilhave o judge what is complete.With some subjects, ou will need ittle supportingand explanatory material. With orhers,you will need much more. Incompleteness,not overdevelopment, s more common among beginning writers. Besideshavingenough suppon/'{Tsq{. th"t tb" poini, of suppo.r
"t.p l.
sF4.uence.
Consider he following paragraph. s it complete?Does the writer make the mainidea clear and provide adequatesupport for it? Are the ideas n the right o rder?
arritudes.Ar excited or agpressively rousedcat will whio its emire railbackand orrb. \ e..1t\.;-,\ -3*"-*---)
tt>
'l--\,/-1
of its intentions. By various movements
T<lof its tail a cat will signal m-anyof its wants. Other movements ndicate its
his paragraph seems omplete. t beginswith a concise opic sen-tence elling us that a cat's ail is a good barometer of its intentions. It adds infor-marjon of a general narure ir rhe {ollowiog rwo sentences.Then it prepdfi?i).)
f@fi'nilg exampJe bout rhe aggressively rousedcar. Bur rhe paragraph (nor ex-,/| ,, . _ J - r --:-------'-- /\pllgljtrere ls rnsumcrentsupporttng mate al tor the opeDtnggeneralzanonNlfe
@ghph leaves he reader with too much information to fill in. What are someother ways that cats communicate their iatentions with their tails? How do theycommunicate specificwishesor desires?s their communicationeffective?f the pas-sage s to answer theseor other questions hat may come nto the reader,smind, itmust presentmore material to support the beginning generalization.f,he orrginalpa{eggpbrhat follows begins with a concise topic sertence that is then supporied. - - : l L - - * : l ! . I - - ^
A cat's ail is a good barometer of its intentions.Al excited or aggres-sively aroused cat will whip its entire tail back and forth. When I talk toSam,he holds up his end of the conversationby occasionally lickirg thetip of his tail. Mother cats move their tails back and forth to invite theirkittens to play.A kitten raises ts tail perpendicularly o beg or attention;older cats may do so to beg for food. When your cat holds ts tail aloftwhile crisscrossingn lront of you, it is tryirg ro say, "Follow me,'-usually
Ir is fo.llowedmmediaelywir!!9gppg4Ilgs1arsneffi,"d ."d. *i; ;';;;ir;;!
main-dea n the opicsentence):A *r,, m;r. s-tWf weplacehismate.i"f";*G" r."rily r". tt.'. ".3gg1gg1g1ffi-@ or hought.o; s";;;;;;jri;;.:.^-_-s._/\_.^
A cat's ail is a good b^arometer f its intentions. / , +-\,-' .1 A- ! !': .t -7A An excited. ,gfr.ssi#rf a.ousedatw r whip tsentirea u).r.#r#
rofin-
B. Wher I talk to Sam,he holds up his end ofthe conversationby occa_sionally flicking the tip of his tail.
C. Mother cats rnove their tails back and forth to ini,ite their kittens ro' plav.
D. A kinen raises rs tail perpendicularly o beg or attention;E. older catsmay do so to beg for food.F. When your cat holds its tail aloft while crisscrossingn front of you, rr
is rrying to say, ,Followme,'_usually to the kitchelt, o, _or. p.._"
ciseh to the refriget&or.
Unfortunately, many catshave ost their tails in refrigerator doors as a con_sequence.
\{.-k"{" ,"*dr,*ry1/
lfariety fSenienaes
[.enqth
Uarleiy fSentenaeallerns
Good writing. includes a dcqlqllglE4tence+4,trer4€. Although there is no limit torn enumberot senrencesou can write,yo u ma y be pJeasedo discover la t th econ_ventional English sentenceappears n only[T6Ei6;;EG;;sysee pp. 413_414).!ir
Topic sentence (highest
generalization)
Major support
Major support
Major support
Major support
Major support
Major support
Added for humor
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ln rne rev$ron process, he word sentencesefers o the variety of sentence aaterrrcand the correctness f sentence tfuctute.
Arr analysisof thesepatternswith suggestions nd exercisesor combining sentencesis given n the Handbo6k.
Each of the four sentence atterns isted has ts org!_Lurposes nd strengths.The
@ simple sentence conveys a single idea. Th" .o-poofi.-J#-TEo6-Ey-ilE-rt o.-
Qture, that two somewhat equal ideas are comected. The complex sentenceshows
@ that one dea is less mportant than anorher; that is, it is dependenton, or subordi-
61 nate to, the idea n the main clause.The compound-complexsentence as the scope" of both the compound sentence and the complex sentence.
VariefyfSenlenieeginnings
Alrother way to provide sentercevariefy is to 'rsedifferent kinds of beeinnings.A- new beginning may or may not be accompaniedby a changedserueDce anern.
Among the most common beginniags,other than srarting with the subject of themain clause, are rhose usiqg_4_Eepqsi1iopallbr4le.-Ldep€Erl@tdarse, or a con-
-$ jnrrctjve adverb such as therefol3.!9y3y3191_ja1fus;y!y9p,:!33\.l l - -
. { '
@. Prepositionalphrase (in italics)
In your fantasy,you are he star.'
Like casino owners, game show hosts wdnt you to be cheery.
l'd' DePend"ntclause in italics)
When the nighttime *Wheelof Fortune" debuted, he slot was occupied by
magazineshows,
As Pat Sajahnoted, viewersoften solve he puzzlebefole the cofltestantsdo.
O " Conirnctlrredverbin talics)
Nora you know.
Therefore, you feel happy, excited, and a bit superior
ProblernsilhSentences
A complete sentencemust generally nclude an ndependentclause,which is a group
of words tlat contains a subject and a verb and can stand alone. Somegroups..of
w-ords may sound hteresth s. Three EG-otr proL-
lem groupings are he fragment, the comma splice,and the run-on (seep. 434).
s a word grouping tlat is strucrurall y ncomplere.
Because e eft. fThis is a dependentclause,not a complete sentence.]
'Wentto the library fThis has no subject.]
She being he only person here. ffhis has no verb.]
Waiting there for help. [This pbrasehas neither subjectnor verb.]
In the,back seatunder a book. [Here we haverwo phrasesbut no subjecr
of two independentclauseswith odr€Ii\" b*
The weatherwas bad, we canceledhe picnic. [A comma by itself cannotjoia_..1q49.!4!gpgndentclauses.l
lprffers from the comma splice in only one way: It has no comma be_e iadependentclauses.
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The weather was bad we canceled he picnic.
iragmentsr comma splices,and nn_ons can easilybe flxed (see he Handbook) dur_ing the revising-and editing stagesof your writing. A compoi.ro"J gr"-rrr., .Ir""t",may help ypu 6nd tfteseproblerns.
strafegies or effective evision.o
Because ou can find spellingerrors n writrn your owrt, a cpmputerizedsocllchecker
s t
overlooked by an author
il #:;;;# fi T.."Jfi'il':;.T,f#ilflli: ::i*r;'#:ffi1s.
Tl.rere,rouightindmore itailsoi"1r",
u r","*"rr, .o f"ir-oi.'"u.,_orr. rr.omore reftlte areas ol rhoueht.
Flerewe seehow BetsyJacksonworked through the entire writing process. n StageOne, she reewrote, brainstormed, and developeda cluster of ideas, n StageTwo,
she composeda good topic sentence, eveloped urther a pan of her cluster fromStageOne, and drew up'an outline basedon the clust.r Then, in StageThree, we seeone o{ her early drafts, her revision and editing of that draft, and finally the finishedversion.
Note that Jacksonhas useda Writing ProcessVorksheet, which has been ength-
,ened or you to be able to see ll parts of her work. you will find a full-size blank
{ | worksheet on page 6, which can be photocopied, illed in, and submitted with each
| [assignment f your instructor directsyou to do so.
Writin Process orksheet
Due ateMonday, une 5, 8 a.m.
ln he paceel0w, rite hateverouneedoknow boutour ssignment,ncjudinginformationbouthe opic, udience,atternf Writing,ength, hethero includerough raft r evisedrafts,ndwhetherour aper us t e yped.
Write a paragraphof about 200 o 300words on a topic from the list_bad drivers. Discussqpes for the pattem. Use some examples.Write for readers'who
have probably shared your experiences. nclude this completed worksheet,one or more rough drafts marked for revision, and a qped final paper,
Xvery day when I drive to school I seebad drivers.Sometimes I'm mad. Some_times I'm irritated. Sometimes T'msc,ared. think someoneshould do somethingabout them. The dmnk drivers are tle worst. They should be put away.But a otof the otler should be getting tickets too. SomeoftJte drivers are worse than oth_ers. Make me a cop, a supercop,a rambo cop, and I,l1go after the worst. Maybe Idjust€o after t}Ie ones that bother me. Some bad drivers causea iot of accid.entsand get people all angry.Takethe tailgaters for example.And what about thedrivers that go into the emerqelqllAacs on the freeways to pass when t-here's ajam. And then you've got the lane changersand the leaplelhat dglJ signal andthose that keep going and turning 1eftwhen the light turns red.Then you,ve gotthe people that drive too fast and too slow.And you've got t}Ie ones that daatstop for pglie€tdalq. A11 inds ofbad drivers are out there-young, old, male, fe-male, insane, drunk, angry, and rushed.
bad drivers; me as a 3pdriving badly, rccklessly,unsafely; a cop,s obon every roadwayall the timehurried, disrespectful, self_centered, ick, addiction, hostile,rrresponsible
]i"*.f1"St:C,gtlt:ng iltegally in emergency ane, not signaling, pass_
lnCo:r.te sh:u.]der, ailgating, tuming teft on red, ro inj"top, iplua_
ing, driving while intoxicated
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Who?' - '
What?
Where?
\.trhen?
\ /hy?
How?
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@0rgan i zeWr i tea t op i csen t enceo r t hes i s ; |abe | t hesUb jec tand t he t reat men I pans .
One bumper sticker reads, ,Stayback.I chew tobacky."And JamesBond sprayed
^carstat chasedim.sincehe irst l"ff?nd theseconas_agJffLe_re$r,11aL l ha4tr
had heelqr*+ anambo^copu ustre5$r a ot of a gaterick"r".X{&uffiof
roea de..obe ^aubtep) ny $dth. Afi€#ead_deT€es-€u*€+e_;Maybe it,s good I,m not a taffic cop, Rambo or ot}I-
erwise,^causeraffi. .op."ru
,nppo."',o fnforce hundreds of raws. don,t know ifbe- .d oe corcenLo _q ar Lt.e p.nal- .6t ar obAottab a-.ve_e.lo nave ttme,causel}|e+e-+Jl.ewF+!{J}a€ve€-ix-mjl9+
If i Were a Tlaffic CopBetsyJackson
Topic sentenc€
Support
Supporr
Support {example)
IfI were a b:afficcop_ld crack down olr certain tyles ofdrivers.My primarytarget would be drunk drivers. td anest t}rem im_-il;t;;-""; cop would.But the jerks ol tre highway are what I,m rearlyconcemed about here.Near thetoP of my hit list are the unsafq lane chanqqrs.t
"y "r,,of orh", dnvers andforcd-thejr way in, Ieavingbehfrd upset and injured people. fris moming \ rhen fwas driving to school, could have carvedat least a coupteofrlotcttes ln a citr,tjon pad, and I wasn't even cranky.Th"" tfr".u
"."*r" f"ft_tu* i,-riU"", tle oneswhokeepmoving utwhen heyellow.,-, to "d. fr .o ffi
"gu,"rrdexes.Yesterday, saw this female in a pickup barrel right ouiinto Le teeth of ared light. she had a baby oo board,_teadn ir"r foot, arra'"vilj" n", i". ,n" ,"*hostile and self-centered, aking advantageof others.she knew that the facingtraffc would probably not puil out and A"t"
i.,u"a_or, r"rfr. ii"*t"], _ora tfr"r"h a green ight do move out and coliide
t}Ie taiieaters. No one goes ast enouehe. Onebumper sticker eads, .Stay
back.oil on cars that chasedhim. Since heifI had the authority of a Rambo-con. d
my-wrarhButmaybet's good'm nota offir"traffic ops re upposedoenforceundredsf awr. a*;i t""*lf ra n.""time because 'd be concentrating on this private list of ob"o*io,.r, ari"".".
Revisehe ollowingtudentirstdraft. hen heckor capitalizallon,missions(ouersighlsrgrarnrnarroblerns),unctuati0n;nd pel{lng0OPS).paeespro-'videdoryou 0 add,delete,move, ndG0rrectnaterial.SeeAnswer ey or
answers.)
PainUnforgettable
tames Hutchison
One evening n 1968 while I was working the swing shift at the General Tire Re-
capping Plant. I came up r,vith he greatestpain of my life because f a terible acci-
dent. Raw rubber was heated up in a large tank. Pryor to its being fed into an
extruder. was recapping arge off-road rires.The lowering platform was in the up
position the chain snapped. t sent he heary platform crashing down in to the tank,
This causeda huge wave of steamingwater to surgeout of the tank. Unfortunately,
I was in its path th. -u,r. hit r.ry bulk just above my waist. The sudden pain shook
me up. I cou. ldnot move. My clotheswere steaming freaked out. Co-workers ran
to my aid and striped the hot clo thing from my body, taking skin as they did. I lay
face down on the plant flooq naked and shaking for a long time. The paramedics
Revisehe.l0llowingtudentirstdraft. hen heckoreapitalization,ffiissions(oversiqhlsrgrannmarr0blems),unctuati0n,nd pellingC0PS).pacespro-videdoryo$ o add, elete,nove,nd orreotnateria[.
QuittingSchool
Doretta Mclain
Quittiirg school was not a big deal for me until I realizeall the effects of quitting
would bring to my life. At that time I didn't care . plan to marry a few months later
I was happy then.
) r
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1 3
i l
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5 r .
3
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came o pick me up. The painful experences still scarywhen I thhk about it.
your first draft,payingclose ttention o your outline, ist, or cluster, oDotconcern ourselfwith perfect pelling, rammag r punctuation.
2. Revising
Coherence
u Are the ideas clearly related, eachore to the others and to the ceqtral idea?n Is there a clear pattern of organization (time, space,or emphasis)?. Is the pattern supported by words that suggest he basis of that organization
;9rq*gl!!, defgs$e pata#aph, but thepara$aph defnirion givesCdirsid€r the defrrition from Chapter 5: The deuelopmental iara_fl"pn
. . , "is a group of sentences, achwith the function of supportlng a cont.ot_ling idea called the ropic senrence,,,
The main parts of the developmental aragraphare he topic sentence subjecrandtreatment), support (evidenceand reasoniag),and, often, a concludiag sentence.
ytiltal.t*\- t ):rl:il :n'L:l1T:T:tk: *n"'me"ss1r,
Infrpduction: prescnr.rhe rhesi",which states rrecontroling idea-much rikerhe opicseotenceor a paragrapb ur on a largerscale,
cood King ElvisA rn€ssiah, a ester, a rccldess erk*or L
a soulful sinSer from the Deep Sourl.-
Elvis at different times to different people
Topic vras all these tlings. His fans mirror everusentencefacet of their idol "I liked him becauseof
his looks," says sue sca torough, forty-
$fiodEssay:
cood King Elvis
A messiah,a jester, a reckJesserk-or asoulful singer from the Deep Soutl-E1vis atdi{ferent imes to differentpeoplev/asall t}reserhings. His fanimirror everv acet of therr dol.
For Some ans tlle attraction s appearance,likedhimbecause ofhis looks,"saysSueScar-
borough, forq/-nine of Lexington, Kenhtcky, as
gives him an affectionate nudge in tlle ribs ] support
most attention are hosewhb actually met Elvis sentenceand have nformation abouthis basiccaqdness."I met him in 1960when was twelveyearsold,"says Billie Le Jeune of Memphis, who visitscracelandonceor twice amontl:.He askedmev/hat my favorite subject was.,'A few othe$have sroies equallycompelling.The crowd lis- | supponlens in aweand envy. ( u., cirrra'alr-eC?. dp.. lll
@--:d+:the&wrirers.6who um up t}e range of Elvis's conc)usioncljallieq. On the pink Eeldstone wall outsidecmceland,which foryearshas unctioned as anunauthorized bulletin board, the graffti runslile this: Err,lss ro\,T; DrDDRUcs rtH ttus: andmost cry?tic of all-Elrrs DIDN'TDlsERr,,Eo aE
lntroductiorl
sentence
Support
Support
nihe, of Lexington, Kentuclgr, as she waits sponse tells all "My husba;d's a good man at
with her husband to tour clacerand. "r"tt
l""lo#\ -1l:i,l-:l T:*hin' for bass,but no one'll
didn't put on air6,, saysJeff craff, twe11y,l+i'** \** l:1t::^Pictureon velvet "
to l o thers F lus wDc . L inour i ih r .^mm^nofclevelaDd,Ohio. Hewent out ofhis way touch and humanitarian instincts. ,,He didn,tto help people." l met hjm in 1960when I put on airs," says eff claff, twenty, of Cleveland,was twelve yeals old," saysBillie Le
Jeune \._Ohio. He went out of his way to help people."
ofMemphis, who viits cracelanclonce or tu];sicHis ftiend oods his head in agreemenL"Elvis
twice a month: "He askedme what my fa- goodness
vorite subjectwas." on tle pink feldqtone \
wall outside cracelanal, v;hich for yearc
has iunihiiniid ds-ari
unauthorized bu!
Ietin board, tle graf6ti runs like this: lLMs
rsLon€i DrDDRUcs rrHE\rs; and most cryp-
tic of a1l-E64s omr.dr'brsrnvr ro B! u/Hlr!,
u,
ttG* ("'^ @
iu' ho,.--f(; '' l
wHrr!. ,Dl -. -k'v ( L. t-
N'":l
\-i. filJryPh:,R"qr.ql.:.:t ,Al;/"ern'he ssayillb.'"in.a.ll:ryC_e+sl:teljdg,.' or rnesrs. I he tbesrs s ttte €g!g!.or conrroLling purpose."All rhe orher parts of
rheessaywiff-besubordiaat/to the thesis nd will srnno.t ir Acrrrirh ],. -"."-,"^t rt-
/ Like_9geelegrg)h:_thless-aymay alsoassume iffug4jett.gr.. It may be prin-.ip"lly
Here's a recipe.Take fwo thousand pounds ofplastic, rubbeg and steel,pour in ten gallonsof gas,and start the engine,Then take one human beingof two hundred pounds of flesh, blood, and bones,pour in rwo glasses fbeer n one hour, and put him or her behind the wheel. Mix the rwo ro-getherjand the result maybe a drunken {river ready to causedeath and de-srrucrioo. his problemof drunk driuinglcan nd shouldbe conrrolledbvfederal egislarion ir h srronnotouiriont.
0uotatlon:
The National Highway Traffic SafetyAdrnidstration has stated that 50percent of all fatal accidents iavolve intoxicated drivers an d that ,,7i pe-rcent of thosedrivershavea Blood Alcohol Content of .10 percentdrgreater."That kind of inJormation s widely known, yer rle carnageon the'highways.continues. his qleblslo o{drrlaktlrjvihgFhguld be addressed v
' a federal aw wirh sricr ptonisiols. :t+ '
Shocking tateflnenind0uest!ons:
Almost 60,000 Americanswere killed in the Memam War. What otherwar kills more than that number evegyour years? Give up?It's the warwich drurk drivers.The rdar n Viemam endedab6ut tbree decades go,but-our DflI war goeson, andthe drunls are winni,ng.This deadlvconflictshouldbe conrrolled y a Iederallawwith strongprovisions.
0uestionsnd 0efinitIon:
Vhat i! a drunk driver?In Califomia ii,s a personwith a blood alcoholcontent of .08 percentor more who is operating a motor vehicle. X/hatdothose drivers do? Someof them kill. Everyyear more than 16,000 peoplenationwide die. Those'areeasyquestions.The diffcult ole is, What can bedone?One answer s clear: Drunk driversshould brj onirolled bv federgllaws with strongltovisions,
than three,be c.rtrin th"t it ciiiifiiileysll you . fur,,i1"y. If it ls Iong., than fi.r., be
make your essay op-heavy,
eipdd onldeas.lThat function isand complicated iritrodluction may
', Subject
Tieatment
(
I
Subject
Treatrfrnt
Subject
q ' t ' . l , , *ah ;
c
All rhesentroductorymethods r&;6;;+ome others, owever. re neffectivebecause.theyre rog13ggg.'1gg151$61Edor becauseheycEEy.1fts-lbsglgj!_a
ry444at wa,f6he mechanicalpproachmaybedirectand explicit,but t usuallynumbs hereader'smagination nd nterest.
y is to write about the need or sttong,na-k driving. ' r
about the need or strong national laws
The length of an introduction can vary,but the typical lerrgihrfor he introductoryparagraph of a studentessays three o five senr"-.es, f your introduction is shorter
!,e_lee!me f he ollowlnghesesalleringta bit osuityourotvlr
an0,0n$eparaleaper, r,te t easthreeniroduclio;sor t.merfioo0rea0h ge, lnderlinehe hesisneaclr arafrfaph,ndand reatrnentarl-s_
1, Marriages come n different shapesand sizes.
ideas,fyou ike)using differentlahelhe ubieal
2. Careerchoicesare greatly nlluenced by a person,sbackground.
3. Friendship is just one word, but friends are of different kinds.
4. The spirit of sportshas beencorrupted by money.
5. Sexualharassmentat work often goesunreported or practical reasons.
Mariaampos,l biwrciwiihBeasons' ,-
,
Notunanousins,i,Vhoi(Jled'Benhyaret?"
CarJ ingLs,ConservinqnerovasYouSki"
Lgraphor sentencehat is a loeical oart of the bodv of
l'lsiq+ryif-tffi r,-"." .tn n"Gtto,"ig"o!]gggd This form is more cornmon in the publishee
isaf
One da y he hi r me .He saidhe-was orryan d even ried,but I couldno rforgive him. Ve got a divorce. tEook me a while l.to." i.o"ta fo"t 1".t"and seewhat the causes eally were, but by then it was too i"i" ,o rn"t
"
-
any changes,
. corctude,,h" ..*"*..n,of-l.r-,h",,"nlIfilil..n]It7o?hfi /.!,.pointing out irs signfficance r makilggpplj.cations.
Don't blame t on the referee.Don,t evenblame t on the fight managers.Put the blamewhere it belongs_on the prevailing more, ti"t"r.g".a prir"fighting as aperfectly proper enterprise and vehicle of entertainment. Noone doubts_thatmany people en;.oy rize fighting and will J"" ,t if itshould be rhrown out. Ard that is precisely he ioint. r
Your concluding
re*.i"o .ff'vpld,ffii*ludingpara-
\) . Conclude witl a review of tE
E
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@
: :1,. . ' """w,ur d rsvtew or rne h' 'n r^,nrs ^f rhp,. j ;s .ussie4
a k ind ofrhrssapproprta(el$\[email protected]"^,By.!"; ";;:Fff# "As e aveeenaderr..";;,;,;;?;R:#'tr".;Wi&H+
'ergywe conserveow,hemorewe,llhave or the uture.
'-"".
i hato*true for skiing. So take the Soft path of energyconsewatio"".
y;:ki.You'll not only be able to make longer nonstop runs, but you,ll havemoreenergy o buin on the dance loor
had first experienced he conglomerationof things that now assailedmysenses. his jumbled mixture of things both human and nonhuman was, urfact, the reason had come o live here. Then it was different and excirins,
Now it is the reason am leavine.
Fifty percentof all fatakraffic accidents nvolve intoxicated drivers, ac-cording to the National Highway Tra{fic Sa{eryAdministratioa. Cavenaugh
and Associates, esearchspecialists, ay that drurk driverskilled 83,824people n the five-yearperiod from 1993 through 1999. They go on to saythat irtoxicated drivers cost us somewherebetween$11 and $24 billionerch year.It is time to give dlurk drivers a message: Stay off the road.You are costing us pain, injury and death,and no one has he right to dothat."
baniel umphries,Get hem fitheRoad"
Therear ealso- any neffeirivewaysof concluding n essanlDo or conclude it hthe ollowrns:
e a summary when a su.gunary surmecessarv
The conclusion s an integral part o{ the and is often of the in-troducti
work for a roundness r completenessn the
, . r '
oElstraTtorl ofar(,r'r\er- I
t
E
E
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@
Ail Stages of tlee Wa'itim.g rocess
Let's seenow how one student wrote an essayby working her way through all thestagesof the writing process.
Our student writer, Leah, is an ing4gg_43.,1Q4!!fogqiajrison where, for severalyears,shewas enrolled n a smaTfl6ffiat collegeprogram. In her English class,herassignmentwas to write a personal essayof 500 to 800 words. Her instmctor sug-gestedshe concentrate on a recent developmenr or event at the prison that had
1 changedher life, for better br worse.
Severalopics interestedher, Therewas the problem of overcrowding:She ived inan institution built for 900 imates, and ,h;;;Fil;;;;;d.00. She alsoconsiderededucation.After spendingsome ime in routine prison work and aim_lessactivities, she discoveredschool and {ound it highly satisfying.Then there were theaccomplishmentsof her Natiye-American friends at the prison. After yearsof argu-ing their case, they had finally obtained permission frbm the institution to build asweat odge for religiouspurposes,and t was now in operation. That was a subjectsheknew well, and t was one for which sheheid the most enthusiasm.Shewas readyto proceed,knowing that the writing processwould provide her with strategiesandgiveher direction.
6!gmg Leah h..- h-r- Trr6-. i^.. Ah;r r r ^!. - --
In he paceelow,rite hateverouneedoknow boutou r ssignment,ncludinginformationbouthe opic, udience,afiernfwriting,ength,hetnero ncluderough raft r evisedrafts,ndwhetherou r aper us t e yped.
ExploreFreewrite,rainstormlist), luster,r ake olessdirectedyyournsrruc_lor.Useheback f his age rseparateaperfyou eed ore pace.
E@" First eah tartedreewrit ing,hichenableder b probe ermemory ndseewhichas _pects f thesubjectmost nteresteder.Shewrotewithout topping,etting er deasum _ble orth na rich reeassociationn hesubject f
.sweailodge.,,
have used it once a week for most of the last year.When I am neruous and when
about Indian ways and we all leam fiom what we do.l'4rat else s tlere to srv T
Beforewe sweat.we must prepare ourselvesand the facility. For twenty_fourhours before tl-resweat,we fast. We do aot eat anything and drink only water oi
I
I
My Indian tribe is pomo, one of twenty-one representedat this prison. I havealways had tremendous interest in my ancestorsand their customs, and in tl:!ecultures of all Indian"tribes.The sacredsweat ceremony tselfis at t}Ie center ofmy life. Here at prison it has taken on a specialmeaning. In fact, many women ofother raceshere have also found peacewithin tlemselves as a result ofpadici_pating w'ith me and other Native Arnericans in the sweats.EachSatuiday wehesis
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I
to cover the lodge fully, dEping it with about three layersand leaving an openrngto the east. inally we are ready to go nside.The preparation period is very im_podant, but everyone ooks forward to its being over
From this pqigL@tLlf,rough he ceremony.everything must be done accordingto mles. First we enter counterclockwise,and once nside we conduct all parts ofthe ceremony counterdockwise. There are four rounds in the sweat, each ofwhich lasts about twenty to thirty minutes. We stress lat no one should breakour circle inside the sweat odge,but it sometimes happens. Somewomen can,thandlethe steam and the heat, so we never make t}tem stay.Thosewho do stayare free to participate in the singing and pmying or not. The four rounds are sim!
otJrerperson follows. As sweet grassbums outside on the fire, we sit in the hotsteam and rub sage eaveson our bodies for purification. We maintain ourselveswith humility during the whole event.
. \[+ren the sweat is over we enter the frnal phese.We come out and throw ourtobacco ies into the fire pit, and the smoke takes our pnyers to the sky.Then wehose ourselvesdown vfitll plenty of cold water and open ttre refreshments webrought. Once we've eaten and changedour clothes,we start dismantlins the
sweal The blankets have to be taken off t}Ie same way they were put up ind tlenfolded carefully.The leftover wood has to be put away,and the blankets andwood must be coveredrAny garbage hat's been left around is thrown into theDumpster.Then we lock the gate to our facility and bid farewell.
Using a sweat lodge is a custom of most Indian tribes. CefrainIndian tribes goabout it differently from others, but in here when we are together n the iodge,we feel like one whole being. Eachweek we look forward to this ceremonv It