Essentials of Business Communication Third Canadian Edition by Mary Ellen Guffey and Brendan Nagle Copyright 2000 Nelson Thomson Learning Applying Advanced.

Essentials of Business Communication Third Canadian Edition by Mary Ellen Guffey and Brendan Nagle Copyright 2000 Nelson Thomson Learning

Applying AdvancedWriting

Techniques4

C H A P T E R


Learning Objectives

Distinguish between formal and conversational language.

Use positive language. Recognize and develop reader benefits. Use inclusive language and replace sexist

terms. Emphasize important ideas and de-emphasize

unimportant ones.


Learning Objectives

Develop sentence unity by avoiding zigzag writing, mixed constructions, and misplaced modifiers.

Match sentence parts to achieve parallelism. Use active- and passive-voice verbs

strategically. Achieve paragraph coherence.


Use Conversational Language

Strive for a warm, natural tone. Tone describes the mood of a message; it

reflects the writer’s attitude toward the reader.


Use Conversational Language

The undersigned takes pleasure in... I am happy to…

It may be of some concern to you to learn that your cheque has been received and your account has been credited for $250.

We have credited your account for $250.


Levels of Style

High-level style Found in scientific writing, legal documents Characterized by serious tone, complex

sentences

Middle-level style Found in business letters, memos, and reports Characterized by conversational tone, simple

sentence structure, familiar words


Levels of Style

Low-level style Found in conversations, e-mails, comic strips Characterized by casual tone, unpredictable

sentence structure, slang


Use Positive Language

State ideas positively instead of negatively. Say what can be done instead of what can’t

be done.

Employees must not park in Lot C on Friday.

Employees must park in Lot B instead of Lot C on Friday.


Negative ExpressionsHidden Meanings

A number of words and phrases convey a negative and unpleasant tone.

You overlooked . . . . You are careless You state that . . . . But I don’t believe you.


Negative ExpressionsHidden Meanings

You failed to . . . . You are careless You are wrong . . . . I am right You do not understand . . . . You are not very bright.


Develop Reader Benefit and “You” Attitude

Show how your message benefits the reader.

Sender Focused:

We are issuing a refund. Receiver Focused:

You will receive a refund.


Develop Reader Benefit and “You” Attitude

Sender Focused:

I have more than 15 different financial plans to offer my investors.

Reader Focused:

You have 25 different financial plans from which to choose.


Use Inclusive Language

Alternate word order in phrases that include both sexes.

Identify women as individuals. Use generic nouns. Avoid feminine suffixes. Use language that reflects equal respect for

women and men.



Use gender as an adjective only if relevant to your message.

Use words or phrases that promote inclusivity.

Avoid words or phrases that make assumptions about gender.

Describe similar behaviour using similar terms.



Use generic terms when referring to a general group of people.

Find alternatives for masculine pronouns.


Emphasize Through Mechanics

Letters, such as (a) and (b) within the text. Numerals, like 1, 2, and 3, listed vertically. Bullets Headings and print options

CAPITAL LETTERS underscores boldface italics font size


Vertical List Example

Listing items vertically emphasizes them:

1. First item

2. Second item

3. Third item


Emphasize Through Mechanics

Other Means of Achieving Emphasis

white space colour lines titlesboxes columns

shading headingssubheadings


Emphasize Through Style

Use vivid words that picture ideas. General:

My doctor said she wanted me to make an appointment soon.

Vivid:

Dr. Cheng insisted that an appointment be made for Friday.


Emphasize Through Style Label the main idea with words such as more

importantly, the principal reason, or the best alternative.

General:

She has many valuable traits, including loyalty and patience.

Vivid:

She has many valuable traits, the most important of which is her loyalty.


Emphasize Through Style Put the important idea first or last in the

sentence. Unemphatic:

An advertising seminar that we feel provides excellent training will be attended by Karen on May 10 in Vancouver.

Emphatic:

Karen will attend an advertising seminar on May 10 in Vancouver.


Emphasize Through Style Put the important idea in a simple sentence.

Sharon is the first person to use the software.

Or put the important idea in an independent clause.

Although three people attended the training session, Sharon is the first person to use the software.


De-Emphasize Through Style

Use general words.

Vivid:

Your account indicates that you can’t pay your bills.

General:

Your account indicates that you might be having financial difficulties.


De-Emphasize Through Style

Bury bad news in the middle of a sentence or in a dependent clause.

We encourage you to place your order on a cash basis since credit cannot be extended at this time.


Strive for Unity Zigzag Writing - Avoid sentences that twist or

turn unexpectedly away from the main thought. Zigzag sentence:

New equipment was just ordered, and the company is moving to Calgary.

Revision:

New equipment was just ordered for the new office in Calgary.


Strive for Unity

Mixed Constructions - Avoid fusing two different grammatical constructions.

Mixed Construction:

The reason we lost the contract is because our proposal was late.

Revision:

The reason we lost the contract is that our proposal was late.


Strive for Unity Misplaced Modifiers - Avoid separation of

phrases or clauses from the words they modify. Misplaced modifier:

The patient was referred to a psychiatrist with a severe emotional problem.

Revision:

The patient with a severe emotional problem was referred to a psychiatrist.


Strive for Unity

Dangling Modifiers Avoid placing an illogical word after an

introductory verbal phrase. To correct a dangling modifier, insert the

logical subject immediately following the introductory verbal phrase.


Strive for Unity

Dangling modifier:

Acting as president, the executive order was signed by Lisa.

Revision:

Acting as president, Lisa signed the executive order.


Strive for Unity

Dangling modifier:

To enter the lottery, a ticket must be purchased by midnight.

Revision:

To enter the lottery, you must purchase a ticket by midnight.


Develop Parallelism

Use balanced construction.

Match nouns with nouns, verbs with verbs, phrases with phrases, and clauses with clauses.


Develop Parallelism

Lacks Parallelism:

We are concerned with the quality of raw materials, where they are located, and how much they cost.

Revision:

We are concerned with the quality, location, and cost of raw materials.


Develop Parallelism

Lacks Parallelism:

Robin takes the telephone orders, Tim locates the items in the warehouse, and they are sent out by Terry.

Revision:

Robin takes telephone orders, Tim locates items in the warehouse, and Terry sends them out.


Use the Active Voice for Most Sentences

Active voice verbs are preferred in business writing because they show who is performing the action.

Be sure the “doer” of the action is the subject of the sentence.

Our department ordered a new computer.(NOT: A new computer was ordered.)


Use the Active Voice for Most Sentences

Two job openings were announced by the company last week.

(Subject is “receiver” of action.) The company announced two job openings

last week.

(Subject is “doer” of action.)


Use the Passive Voice Strategically

Passive voice verbs are used to emphasize an action, to conceal the doer, and to de-emphasize negative news.

Be sure to use some form of “to be” as a helper.A new computer was ordered by our department.


Use the Passive Voice Strategically

We release rental equipment only to those with drivers’ licenses.

(Subject is “doer” of action.)

Rental equipment is released only to those with drivers’ licenses.

(Subject is “receiver” of action.)


Draft Effective Paragraphs

Paragraph Coherence

Guides reader or listener from one thought to another.

Is achieved through effective organization and the following three techniques:


Repeat Key Ideas/Words

Sustain the key idea by repeating or rephrasing it.

Next June we plan to launch a promotion for our new compact disk recorders. The promotion will include both newspaper and television campaigns.


Use Pronouns

Use a pronoun

. . . to fulfill our goals. These goals. . .

Our customers are showing considerable interest in our extended certificate of deposit. It now offers 7 percent interest.


Use Transitional Expressions

Connect the beginning of each new sentence with a word from the previous sentence.

Mr. Tran plans to attend the conference in Halifax. He also expects to spend an extra week there visiting his daughter.


Use Transitional Expressions

additionally also as a result for example in other words therefore


Compose Short Paragraphs

Those with fewer than eight lines are most readable.


Use Short Sentences

Those under 20 words are most readable. The average sentence contains between 15

and 20 words.


Try Your Skill

Revise the following sentences to sound conversational, positive, and reader-centred.

1. The writer is unable to comply with your request before April 1.

I can comply with your request after April 1.


Try Your Skill

2. Committee appointments will not be made by the undersigned until such time as the president returns.

I’ll make committee appointments after the president returns.

3. Before we can allow you to use this account, we must verify your credit.

You may begin making purchases as soon as your credit is verified.


Try Your Skill

Give three examples of how the following sentence could be revised to be inclusive.

Every executive has his own office.

Every executive has an office.

All executives have their own offices.

Every executive has his or her own office.


Try Your Skill

Revise these sentences, maintaining sentence unity.

1. Human Resources hired three clerks and a new computer was purchased.

Human Resources hired three clerks. Because the department owned only two computers, a new computer was purchased.


Try Your Skill

2. Skilled with computers, the job went to Aaron.

Aaron got the job because of his skill with computers.

3. To receive your free gift, the enclosed card must be returned.

To receive your free gift, you must return the enclosed card.


Try Your Skill

Revise the following sentences to improve parallelism.

1. The duties of a manager include planning, organization, direction, and controlling.

The duties of a manager include planning, organizing, directing, and controlling.


Try Your Skill 2. I am happy to recommend Laura because she has sincerity, she is reliable, and she works with diligence.

I am happy to recommend Laura because she is sincere, reliable, and diligent.

3. The fall seminar is in October, December is scheduled for the winter seminar, and May is the month of the spring seminar.

The fall seminar is in October, the winter seminar is in December, and the spring seminar is in May.


Try Your Skill

Revise the following sentences so they are in the active voice.

1. My application was mailed immediately.

I mailed my application immediately.

2. Candidates will be interviewed by the company within a week.

The company will interview candidates within a week.


Try Your Skill

3. Our membership meeting has been postponed until next week.

The president postponed the membership meeting until next month.


Try Your Skill

Revise the following sentence so they are in the passive voice.

1. We must delay shipment of your merchandise because of heavy demand.

Your merchandise shipment must be delayed because of heavy demand.


Try Your Skill

2. Our technician Randy could not install the new software program.

The new software program could not be installed.

3. We cannot fill your order because you did not send your cheque.

Your order will be sent when your cheque arrives.


Try Your Skill

Select the repeated key word or thought:

As you review my application, you will see that I have had a wide variety of courses and experiences in the field of communications. My course work included media analysis, business writing, and television ethics.


Try Your Skill

Select the repeated key word or thought:

As you review my application, you will see that I have had a wide variety of courses and experiences in the field of communications. My course work included media analysis, business writing, and television ethics.


Try Your Skill

Select the connecting pronoun:

We are pleased to welcome you as a satisfied banking customer. One of the services offered is group term life insurance. It offers many benefits at a low cost.


Try Your Skill

Select the connecting pronoun:

We are pleased to welcome you as a satisfied banking customer. One of the services offered is group term life insurance. It offers many benefits at a low cost.


Try Your Skill

Select the transitional expressions:

I also studied reporting, editing, and public relations. Moreover, I have some experience with newspaper work, television special events, and a radio show.


Try Your Skill

Select the transitional expressions:

I also studied reporting, editing, and public relations. Moreover, I have some experience with newspaper work, television special events, and a radio show.


Essentials of Business Communication Third Canadian Edition by Mary Ellen Guffey and Brendan Nagle Copyright 2000 Nelson Thomson Learning Applying Advanced.

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