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Emotional Intelligence (EQ) -- What is it? How is it Developed? ................................................................................... 7 We are created with "Social Brains" relying upon social interaction with one another for life, stability, and growth. ...................................................................................................................................................................... 7 Emotions are the very root of everything we do...the origin of every act more complicated than reflex. .............. 8 Early relationships develop the brain and set the stage for life. .............................................................................. 9 Understanding the process for how relationships develop the brain guides our emotional intelligence development strategies throughout life. ................................................................................................................ 10
Understanding EQ in adults and Making a difference NOW ....................................................................................... 12 The core capacities of EQ are Self Reflection, Self Soothing, and Empathy. .......................................................... 12 Self Awareness and Self Reflection. ........................................................................................................................ 12
Self Reflection in the Workplace ........................................................................................................................ 12 When Self Reflection Is Missing. .................................................................................................................... 13 When Self Reflection Is Highly Developed, Individuals: ................................................................................. 13
Self Soothing In The Workplace. .................................................................................................................... 14 When Self Soothing Is Missing, Individuals: ............................................................................................. 14 When Self Soothing Is Highly Developed, Individuals: ............................................................................. 15
Empathy. ................................................................................................................................................................. 15 Measures of Empathy ........................................................................................................................................ 15
When empathy is missing in the workplace: ................................................................................................. 15 Individuals with highly developed empathy: ................................................................................................. 16
Targeting development efforts to achieve the greatest results. .................................................................................. 17 Daily Practices for Self Reflection: It's all about awareness and choice. ............................................................... 17 Self Soothing -- Daily Practices to build high trust and positive relationships. ....................................................... 18 Practices for Building Trust in Self and the Other. .................................................................................................. 18 Daily Practices to Increase Empathy. ...................................................................................................................... 20
(Appendix A) ................................................................................................................................................................ 22 Can quickly and easily access and describe thoughts, wants, and feelings under stress .................................. 24 Aware of the level of intensity of one’s feelings with ability to separate past intensity from present ............. 24
Executive Summary EQ In The Workplace provides a thorough overview of Emotional Intelligence for leaders and practitioners. This overview is grounded in theory that is relevant to the development of EQ. It focuses on what highly developed and underdeveloped Emotional Intelligence looks like in the workplace and its essential nature for successful leadership. Emotional Intelligence is now widely accepted by private and public organizations as being an essential element in training leaders and coaching leaders for success. This article references a handful of research studies that have been done over the past decade that demonstrate the impact Emotional Intelligence has on the bottom-line for organizations. The impact is now clear and is being further researched at this time. To understand Emotional Intelligence it is very helpful to understand how it is developed at a very early age and how it can be developed as adults. The neuroplasticity of our brains allows for radical change with focused intentioned practice. It take practice, practice, practice, the same as building physical fitness. Practices are listed in this article for developing each foundational dimension of Emotional Intelligence. These foundations include the capacity for self-reflection/self-awareness, for self-regulation or self-management and the capacity for Empathy. At its core Emotional Intelligence is the capacity to be aware of our emotions and consciously use them, to be aware of others emotions, and the ability to manage ourselves effectively in relationships. So, how do we build awareness, and how do we build our capacity for working and playing with others in a way that support performance and quality of life.
Practice "unbundling your feelings". When our feelings are intense, we often bundle several of them
together into one predominant feeling. This is particularly true for anger or fear, our oldest
emotions. When you feel anger notice the feelings below the anger and the origin of those feelings.
Notice the degree to which your emotions, thoughts, and wants are positive or negative. It is easy
for many to get caught in a "victim" place and feel hopeless, helpless, and resentful. It is also easy to
feel anger, blame, and impatient or intolerant of others who we perceive as less capable, less
important, less helpful, etc. Some of us have a habit of turning any moment of distress into an
opportunity to beat up on ourselves. Others may choose to beat up on others in a variety of ways.
The first important step is to notice how many times in a day you frame your experience positively
and negatively and notice what triggers either reaction. This creates a new level of consciousness
and provides the space for choice.
Self Soothing -- Daily Practices to Build High Trust and Positive Relationships. Earlier we asked you to think about what you do in stressful situations. Do you move towards others in
confident, positive ways or in negative ways that are hurtful to the other and/or to you? Or do you tend
to withdraw? Do you have positive self soothing strategies like taking care of your body with exercise,
good nutrition, and rest or negative soothing strategies that feel good, but are destructive like
overeating, drugs, alcohol, etc.?
The strategies below are focused on building high trust in one’s self, which is critical for effective
relationships and building trust in the other, which is also critical for effective relationships.
Practices for Building Trust in Self and the Other.
"Knowing self trust is basic and essential if we are to believe anything at all." (Solomon & Flores, 2001)
Practice inviting feedback from others. The thought of getting feedback often conjures up fear and
can quickly build a wall of defense to protect ourselves and avoid inquiring as a part of our daily
living. A good practice is to initiate these conversations by just asking someone directly what the
impact a situation and/or your comments had on them.
Practice mentoring others so that you can rely more on others for leadership and support.
Mentoring others can be a good method for increasing your self awareness, your awareness and
empathy for others and building solid, high trust work relationships.
Conclusions Due to the increased knowledge of neuroplasticity of the brain,we are learning more about Emotional Intelligence every day and how to use this capacity to build Emotional Intelligence. The exciting news is we have the capacity to enhance our Emotional Intelligence throughout our lives. Studies abound that demonstrate the capacity to make significant changes in our behavior and in reallocating resources in our brain. Getting an understanding of Emotional Intelligence and the impact it has on our well-being and our professional success is the first step.
Improving Individual & Organizational Performance
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Relational Model Patterns of Interaction That Develop the Brain and Build Emotional Intelligence
This model is based upon the fact we as human beings are developed in relationship. The quality of interaction during our formative years actually develops the neocortex of the brain. While this process slows in adulthood, it continues throughout our lives. The learning process, which lays the foundation for highly developed EQ, is mapped in this model. Implications of this are outlined on the following pages with simple specific actions that can be taken by each of us to strengthen our own EQ and support development of others around us.
Create
Acknowledgement of Self & Other
o Affirms others presence
o Allows space for other
o Creates openness
o Affirms others right to be -- I AM
Actions
o Listen
o Be present
o Empathic acknowledgement
Mirror other's emotional experience Actions
o Let the other know o I see you
o I feel you
o I understand you
o I honor you & your presence
o Empathic acknowledgment
Resonance with the other while maintaining non-anxious presence
o Lowers anxiety & distress
o Creates space--openness
Actions
o Share impact
o Share self
o Mutual inquiry
o Offer clarity with information, direction, resources, etc.
Open synchronized space that fosters:
o Expanded internal capacity to participate in the world in a new way
Capacities Competencies* EXAMPLES OF DEMONSTRATED SKILLS -- BEHAVIOR IN THE WORKPLACE
SELF REFLECTION
SELF
AWARENESS
Emotional Self Awareness
Accurate Self Assessment
Takes responsibility for one’ own feelings, thoughts, wants, and actions
Can quickly and easily access and describe thoughts, wants, and feelings under stress
Aware of the level of intensity of one’s feelings with ability to separate past intensity from present
Able to observe one’s self in situations, particularly difficult or stressful situations and make choices in the moment
Able to access and use one’s feelings (anger, anxiety, fear, jealousy, sexual attraction, excitement, sadness, shame, joy, disappointment, etc) in an appropriate manner in any context to facilitate learning and achieving goals
Able to observe one’s self, and use that information in the moment to change course when appropriate
Able to focus on self and the other, moving between self and other with ease
Values, honors, and trusts one’s own experience
SELF
REGULATION
---
SELF
SOOTHING
Self control
Innovativeness
Adaptability
Resilience
Trustworthiness
Conscientiousness
Leadership
Deals with difficult issues in a straight forward, direct, non-blaming manner
Able to take difficult news or negative feedback, staying present and listening without blame or defending
Ability to monitor the intensity of responses in a manner that is appropriate for the context
Has the competence to use his/her own skills and those within the organization to lead innovative programs that may be challenged by others
Can soothe one’s self and separate self from other when being dismissed, diminished, challenged, ignored etc, retaining the ability to let in information and make informed, non-reactive choices
Can manage one’s self during times of real adversity, retaining the ability to make informed choices and serve as a positive balance for others
Fosters open communication and stays receptive to bad news as well as good
Takes responsibility for one's own actions
Can be counted on by others for honesty, trustworthiness in decisions, work, and communication
Able to soothe one's own emotions sufficiently to remain concerned about others and remain committed and conscientious in getting the job done
Can cope with the unexpected, chaos, and the predictable high anxiety that results within the organization.
Able to maintain a "low anxious" presence under pressure, which is a primary factor in helping others cope
Able to manage one's emotions sufficiently to allow for and invite different opinions in the midst of chaos
EMPATHY
Developing Others
Political Awareness
Conflict management
Building team bonds
Leadership
* Listed by Goleman, 1998
Is attentive to emotional cues and listens well
Acknowledges and rewards peoples strengths and accomplishments
Offers useful feedback and identifies peoples need for future growth
Mentoring - gives timely coaching, and offers assignments that challenge and foster a person's ability
Understands the power structure within an organization and uses it well
Shows sensitivity and understanding of the other's perspective with valuing other’s perceptions
Helps out based on understanding of other peoples' needs and feelings
Respects and relates well to people from varied backgrounds and different perspectives
Values and uses diversity
Understands diverse worldviews with sensitivity and appreciation for group differences
Challenges bias and intolerance
Values, respects, and supports individual team members and protects the group’s boundaries to ensure getting the job done
Cultivates and maintains extensive information networks
Seeks out relationships that are mutually beneficial
Builds rapport and keep others in the loop
Makes and maintains personal friendships among work associates
Articulates and arouses enthusiasm for a shared vision and mission
Able to step forward to lead as needed, regardless of the position
Guides the performance of others, while holding them accountable
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