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Enhancement Training for Facilitators
Francesca Adler-Baeder, Ph.D., CFLE, Auburn University. AL
Director, Center for Children, Youth, and FamiliesDept. of Human
Development and Family Studies Alabama Cooperative Extension
System
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Lesson ONE - Families Today
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Family ActivityGoal: To further develop the habit of talking as
a family
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Family ActivityYour job:Give complete instructions to
adultExplain activity to be completed prior to children coming
inExplain that the purpose of these activities is to make asking
and listening to each other more of habitExplain that when their
child(ren) join them they should beginExplain how they will
physically arrange themselvesShow the Discussion guidelines and the
questions that parents can use to guide the family discussion (have
these either up on a slide, flipchart, or on a card you give to
each parent)Explain that their family discussion is their private
discussion. At the end you will ask for some general thoughts about
the activity before finishing up the session for the night.
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Discussion GuidelinesEveryone gets a turn to speakRespond with
supportive commentsThats interesting I didnt know you thought that
Im so glad you shared thatParents lead the sharing. For Lesson 1,
Ask:Who would like to go first and tell us what you have on your
paper?After everyone shares, you can ask:Which was the easiest to
answer?Which was the hardest to answer? Why?How do you feel about
sharing your answers with us?Could we have more talks like this at
home? When and where could we do this?
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Family ActivityYour job:Walk around the room and assist with
getting parents started, if needed. Continue doing this for 10-15
minutes. You are making yourself available if parents have
questions; this is not for checking up on families
discussions.After every family has had a reasonable amount of time
to discuss, announce, Lets take another minute to finish our
discussionsAfter a minute, invite everyones attention to you.
Ask:Why was this a good activity? Did you learn anything new? You
dont have to share anything specific maybe just something in
general.How did this feel (to share information)? Is this something
you do on a regular basis? When and where might you be able to
continue to do this as a family?Complement families on their great
work and attention in the session. Thank them for coming and tell
them what to expect for next week.
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LETS PRACTICE!
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Discussion GuidelinesEveryone gets a turn to speakRespond with
supportive commentsThats interesting I didnt know you thought that
Im so glad you shared thatParents lead the sharing. For Lesson 1,
Ask:Who would like to go first and tell us what you have on your
paper?After everyone shares, you can ask:Which was the easiest to
answer?Which was the hardest to answer? Why?How do you feel about
sharing your answers with us?Could we have more talks like this at
home? When and where could we do this?
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Lesson TWO - Changes
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Child Lesson 2 objectives Understand changes as normative
experiencesAwareness of feelings around changesUnderstand
strategies for appropriate expressions of feelings; managing
anger
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The timeline Changes in my lifeFeelings Where Are They?Managing
AngerLesson Summary
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What are the differences in a stepfamily? Options:Mixed - Yours,
Mine and OursKeep separateOne PotMoney in Stepfamilies
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NegotiatingWhat kinds of responses help to keep conflict
manageable?What kinds of responses make a conflict worse?What helps
people to come to an understanding of one anothers points of
view?What are some things you have done in the past to work out a
disagreement with another person that worked really well?Are there
things youve done that have made conflict worse?What would you do
differently now?
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Skills for negotiating What should you talk about?Stepfamily
Decisions (worksheet)Money in Stepfamilies
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Other considerationsMay be cultural norms about the handling of
money (lesson 2)Some stepparents adopt stepchildren (lesson 2)A law
professional can assist with the legal segment (establish timeframe
ahead of time) (lesson 2)Can reduce the # of items on Expectations
worksheet completed in class (lesson 2)
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Other considerations
Some parents have difficulty hearing their childrens responses
in Changes in my life
Could switch Lesson 2 and Lesson 3 family activity
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Lesson THREE - Where are you coming from?
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Shared MeaningWe interact around Symbols and developSHARED
MEANING with expected behaviors.
Ideas for symbols to use with kids?Ideal number to use?
Expectations
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Give Love Communicate Skillfully Have A Plan Be Consistent Show
Respect Make Time Be Patient Learn About Child DevelopmentParents
Need To:
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The parent has a role in social/emotional development!
Parenting Styles:Levels of warmth and control in the
parent/child relationship create different styles
Parenting Styles
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High CONTROL LowHigh WARMTH LowParenting Styles
DemocraticHigh Control High WarmthPermissiveLow Control High
WarmthAuthoritarianHigh Control Low WarmthNeglectfulLow Control Low
Warmth
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Influenced by family of origin and contextual factors Can vary
for different children Can vary for one parent-child
dyadSituational factorsType of misbehavior General parenting style
can predict outcomes for kidsParenting Styles
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Supportive StepparentHigh CONTROL LowHigh WARMTH LowParenting
Styles
DemocraticHigh Control High WarmthPermissiveLow Control High
WarmthAuthoritarianHigh Control Low WarmthNeglectfulLow Control Low
Warmth
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Supportive StepparentHigh CONTROL LowHigh WARMTH LowParenting
Styles
DemocraticHigh Control High WarmthPermissiveLow Control High
WarmthAuthoritarianHigh Control Low WarmthNeglectfulLow Control Low
Warmth
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Stepparent as Dem ParentHigh CONTROL LowHigh WARMTH LowParenting
Styles
DemocraticHigh Control High WarmthPermissiveLow Control High
WarmthAuthoritarianHigh Control Low WarmthNeglectfulLow Control Low
Warmth
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Root Word : Disciple = Learner
DISCIPLINE IS GUIDANCE THAT DEVELOPS SELF-CONTROLThrough:
Instruction Providing Guidance Role Modeling Offering Choices/Use
of ConsequencesDiscipline
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Notice when your child is behaving well! Control the situation;
not the child or their emotions Think: What value or skill am I
trying to teach? Why is the child misbehaving? Reactionary vs.
Planned Have a plan! Control vs. Cooperation Engage your childs
cooperation!Discipline Overview
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Natural consequences Logical consequences Empower children: give
choices; self-evaluate Sense of humor Pick your battlesTools of the
Trade
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1. Is spanking necessary for positive child outcomes?
2. Are there potential risks?Physical Punishment
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Short Term vs. Long Term Reoccurrence:Spanking + Alternatives =
Alternatives AloneWith Strong-Willed or Aggressive Children:
Removal of Spankings = Less Incidences of MisbehaviorsDoes spanking
work?
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More likely its because of many other factors (warmth, limits,
consistency, role-modeling, monitoring, etc.) Those who dont turn
out well in most all cases were spanked! Do you care why child
behaves?Internal vs. External ControlIs turning out well attributed
to spanking?
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ConsiderationsUse handout information most relevant to your
groupInformation may be carried over to the next lesson or be a
longer sessionStepparenting - What Works a key handout
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Lesson FOUR
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Children Lesson 4 objectives:Re-frame conflict as
normativeUnderstand what conflict isUnderstand types of conflict
Understand behaviors that escalate and de-escalate
conflictUnderstand and develop appropriate responses to conflictual
situationsUnderstand and develop skills in conflict resolution
techniquesUnderstand that they have a part to play in their familys
conflict level
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ConsiderationsPoint out to children this lesson focuses on
skills that are useful in families, even though you wont be talking
specifically about families or stepfamilies.
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Defining conflict activitytypes of conflict activity conflict
resolutions chartNegotiation activity
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NegotiationYOUR JOB:Divide into Group A, Group B, and JuryAssign
or let them choose a topic; then assign or let them choose which
side to present (pro or con)5 minutes to prepare case3 minutes to
present case (at least 3 members)Jury writes notes and rates on:How
clearly was the case presented? (1 not clear 5 very clear)What
style of communication was used to present their case? (1 very
negative 5 very positive)After both sides present; jury deliberates
for 3 minutes and then provides feedback and ratings
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NegotiationYOUR JOB:Instruct Group A and Group B to spend 5
minutes talking together. Find one or two points that you agree on
or can compromise on.Jury observes discussion and takes notes and
assigns ratings for each Group.How effective were the groups in
finding common ground? (1 not effective 5 very effective)How did
members of each Group communicate? (1 very negative 5 very
positive).Jury presents their observations and ratings
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Group DiscussionWhat kinds of responses help to keep conflict
manageable?What kinds of responses make a conflict worse?What helps
people to come to an understanding of one anothers points of
view?What are some things you have done in the past to work out a
disagreement with another person that worked really well?Are there
things youve done that have made conflict worse?What would you do
differently now?
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Lesson FIVE - Communication Across Households
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ConsiderationsRecognize that some do not have co-parenting
relationshipsAcknowledge that some children may not have contact
with their other parentEncourage children to be respectful when
they read the list of needs/rights with their parentsChildrens
rights can be changed to Childrens needs if you think it will be
misunderstood
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Caught in the Middle SS video
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Childrens Bill of Rights
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Lesson SIX - Building Family Strengths
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All humans experience stress Stress affects you emotionally and
physically Too much stress over time puts your health at
riskManaging Stress
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Outlook Skills: Changing your thinkingand attitude about
stressorsI look at my stressors in a positive way.I dont get hung
up on things that I have no control over.I use creativity, humor,
and spiritual inspiration to improve my outlook.I truly believe
that I am capable of managing my stress and will ultimately be
successful.Outlook Skills
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Self Care Skills: Building up your body towithstand long-term
pressureI pay attention to my stress signs.I dont skip meals.I keep
sugar, fat, salt, and caffeine to a minimum.I eat fruits,
vegetables, and whole grains every day.I drink 6-8 glasses of water
a day.I limit or have eliminated the use of alcohol and tobacco
products.I have received (or would get) help for substance abuse
issues.I do 20 minutes of physical work or exercise 3 times a
week.I have 20 minutes a day of quiet time.Self Care Skills
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Lifestyle Management Skills: Managing your environment to
promote stress managementI have relaxing place to go to.I have
control over what Im involved in and can say no. I have control of
the way I spend time and energy.I get rid of stressors that can be
eliminated.I set goals and organize myself in a way to move towards
achieving them.I schedule free time in my day for doing nothing.I
notice stress and take action to manage it.Lifestyle Management
Skills
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Relationship Strategies: Working togetherWith your spouse,
partner or other importantperson to manage stressWe make each other
aware if we notice stress signs in each other.We talk together
about how to manage stress.We have a supportive relationship; we
are cheerleaders for each other.We talk in a supportive way with
each other daily.We have a satisfying sexual relationship.
Relationship Strategies
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Foods that help to manage stressProtein (meat, chicken, fish,
eggs, nuts, cheese, yogurt, beans)Vitamin A (fruits, vegetables,
fortified milk)Vitamin B (fish, meat, breads, cereals, whole wheat
grains, green leafy vegetables, dried beans)Vitamin C (sweet
fruits, juice, vegetables)Healthy Habits
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Foods that do NOT help with stressCaffeineRefined
sugarsStarches
Healthy Habits
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Guided Relaxation
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Are creative; flexible Are more honest Are better communicators
less unrealistic; more practical Have shared perception/mutual
agreement Have strong couple relationship Stepparent is secondary
parent, with possible movement to parental status Are
self-definedHave good communication across householdsWhat are your
strengths?Successful Stepfamilies
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Have Community SupportsSchoolsChurchesEducation and Counseling
Opps
Successful Stepfamilies
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Thank YOU for your work!!www.stepfamilies.info
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Other considerationsPower point slides can be alteredAdditional
statistics for Latino families (lesson 1)52% of Hispanic marriages
end in divorce (compared to 48% for Whites and 63% for African
Americans)Whites and Hispanic/Latinos more likely to remarry than
African American (after 5 years 58% of Whites; 44% Hispanic/Latino
and 32% of African AmericanOther movie clips can be substituted.
Cultural relevance important.
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Childrens Lesson:Things to ConsiderChildrens groups can be split
by age5 and under childcare with an activity relevant to
lessonRemember its not school. Allow children to have fun. Use
management techniques to keep control.Icebreakers can be
added.Wrap-up with hot potato activity
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Facilitation SkillsAppropriate use and level of disclosure
(Doherty, 1995 5 Levels of Involvement for Parent and Family
Educators)Level 3 recommended information given, sharing of
feelings and experiences, supportive and empatheticUse as
illustration of a research-based teaching point rather than teach
only with your personal story (education vs. advise/opinion)Avoid
descriptions of intense situationsBe Brief! PreparationRead
background againRead lesson again and make notes and/or highlight
do not forget pointsMake copies, gather suppliesPrepare additional
supports for your group discussions (additional slides or flipchart
with questions/prompts)Arrive early arrange room, set up teaching
aides and supplies
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Facilitation SkillsAppropriate use and level of disclosureUse as
illustration of a research-based teaching point rather than teach
only with your personal story (education vs. advise/opinion)Avoid
descriptions of intense situationsBe Brief! PreparationRead
background againRead lesson again and make notes and/or highlight
do not forget pointsRead corresponding adult or child lessonMake
copies, gather suppliesPrepare additional supports for your group
discussions (additional slides or flipchart with
questions/prompts)Arrive early arrange room, set up teaching aides
and suppliesFidelity to curriculum content and teaching points
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What is the difference between a group facilitator and a
teacher?What are your best facilitator skills and
characteristics?
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The Group Climate. Elements of Healthy
Groups:Trust/confidentialityRapport and RespectEmpathyHealthy
boundariesA sense of competence and value/worthA sense of
belonging
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Facilitator Concepts :Value/Behavior congruence making sure that
what a leader advocates is consistent with their behaviorEmotional
stimulation moderate level sharing is encouraged; greater chance of
internalizing informationExecutive function held by facilitator;
sets goals, directs flow, establishes guidelinesStrengths
assumption an attitude; look for what is right; try to understand
from their perspective; assume participants have knowledgeDo No
Harm Awareness of and respect for differences. The provision of
information without the prescription for behavior. Allowing a
participant to stay within their comfort zone.
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ChallengesThe monopolizer or discussion dominatorThe
interrupterSide conversationsSilence of individual(s)Resistance to
teaching pointsExpressing Intense Emotions or Too Much
Information
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ChallengesThe monopolizer or discussion dominatorWhat is it?Why
does it occur?Enjoys a feeling of controlLikes attention and
validationMay be enthusiasticSuggestions for facilitators:Avoid or
limit eye contactMonitor your body language; more open to
othersPost an agenda at the beginning so you can refer to progress
of the sessionMonitor nonverbals of other group membersConsider
whether this parent would benefit from one-on-one supportSay:Thank
you for sharing. Does anyone else have an example or thought on
this?What would you say is your bottom line message?I see that the
most important point you are making is. (then move the discussion
along).
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Challenges2. The interrupterWhat is it?Why does it occur?May be
self-focusedMay have less well-developed social skillsMay be eager
or excitedSuggestions for facilitators:Gently interrupt the
interrupter and encourage the other parent to continueSay:Could you
hold onto that thought for a minute? I dont think Tom was finished.
Id like to get back to Alicias comment. Alicia, do you have
anything to add?
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ChallengesSide conversationsWhat is it?Why does it occur?May be
uncomfortable sharing with the larger groupMay have less
well-developed social skillsMay not realize they can be
heardSuggestions for facilitators:Address the possibility of this
when setting up initial ground rules for groupUse silence to get
everyones attentionSay:Excuse me. Im having trouble hearing
Anthony.It sounds like you have some thoughts on this. Would you be
wiling to share with all of us?Lets focus on one persons thoughts
at a time.
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Challenges4. Silence of individual(s)What is it?Why does it
occur?May be shy or naturally quietMay be unaccustomed to group
discussionsMay have been spouse-orderedMay be tiredMay be
distracted by other issues in their livesSuggestions for
facilitators:Watch nonverbals to see if you can determine the
reasonConnect with these group members before and after the class
to enhance their connectionAsk a quiet member to assist with a task
related to an activityAsk group members to write down their
thoughts first, then have a group discussionUse ice-breakers to
warm up peopleSay:It seems there may be others who have some
thoughts on this. Would anyone who hasnt shared, like to offer
anything? [use good wait time]Lets have everyone turn to their
partner and share their thoughts on this.
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ChallengesResistance to teaching pointsWhat is it?Why does it
occur?May feel criticized May be an issue between
partnersSuggestions for facilitators:Nurture your relationship with
this person to develop trustRepeat their point to show you are
hearing and understanding their viewpoint. Then pose a question
that assumes they can see another viewpoint, too.Dont personalize
the resistance. This will show in your reaction.Use
humor.Say:People can have different viewpoints based on their
experiences. Can you envision why another person may have a
different viewpoint.Research gives us information on what seems to
be the case for most people, most of the time.If you tried this
suggestion, what is the worst that could happen?What are your goals
for your family? How might this suggestion help you towards those
goals?
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Challenges6. Expressing Intense Emotions or Too Much
InformationWhat is it?Why does it occur?Unfamiliar with group
education May feel safer in education group rather than seeking
therapyMay not be tuned in to others responsesThey are experiencing
a high level of distress or painSuggestions for
facilitators:Clarify the purpose of the classPrivately, refer the
couple for one-on-one helpMonitor other group members responses for
signs of discomfortAcknowledge the strong feelings being
expressedUniversalize the emotion to take the focus off one
personSay:It must be very difficult to share that. These are
difficult feelings that many couples/parents struggle with. Perhaps
you and I can talk more at the break.That sounds very personal.
Maybe this would be a good time to start our next activity and then
you can share with each other as a couple/family.
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Appreciation Cards
*.What are stepfamilies dealing with?One of the most important
concepts for stepfamilies to utilize comes from the theory of
Symbolic InteractionismIts okay if you havent taken a family
science course only have to remember the name of the theory and one
concept applies to every kind of human interaction especially
stepfamilies: symbols, interaction, and shared meaningPass out
symbols cross (large context); wedding ring)A symbol whose shared
meaning is arrived at through interaction in context and prescribes
a certain behavior - expect a certain response this is key;flag
(smaller context) begin to lose shared meaningA song is a symbol
true story gala event youve just danced to their national
anthemStars (smaller context)Tiger sculpture weve not interacted
about the meaning associated with this symbol my behavior if the
house were on fire - Id have to share my meaning with you
How does this apply to stepfamilies?Words are symbols birthdays
story with Patrick first birthdayA role is a symbol mother, father,
daughter, son. We arrive at shared meaning of that role and the
behaviors that are expected based on interactions over time.Almost
always in a new stepfamily those roles are defined very differently
by each member. We have no societal norms for the role of
stepfather and stepmother especially. To the contrary what do you
think of when I say stepmother? Expectations for behaviors are
there and very negative. Stepfathers dont have it as bad they just
really dont have anything to go on.Sharing perspectives;
communicating expectations as early in the relationship as possible
are key to stepfamily formation and successful stepfamily
functioningThe clinical literature (Visher, Papernow) stresses the
clash of individual and family histories and the need for
understanding and empathizing with the other family members
perspective:Implicit in the discussions are concepts from Symbolic
Interactionism Understanding perceptions is important; working
towards shared meaning in role negotiation. They suggest that it is
important for family members to develop empathy for other family
members. They should try to understand the others perspective.
************************List family strengths have each rate
themselves on questionnaireInclude state of each
relationship:CoupleCo-parentingSpouses
co-parentingParent-childStepparent-stepchildStepsibling
combinationsExtended family*
Community supports (teachers, churches, programs)May be
necessary to educate others; seek out support particularly for the
childrens sake:Advocate for the childrens family type and teach
children to advocate for themselves
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