EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES: Dealing with Toxic Shame Relationship ...storage.cloversites.com/springcreekchurch/documents... · Relationship Detox – Part 2 Message #1363 Pastor Keith Stewart

EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES: Dealing with Toxic ShameRelationship Detox – Part 2Message #1363Pastor Keith StewartJanuary 14-15, 2017

EXPANDED MESSAGE RESOURCES 1. THE SHAMING EPIDEMIC

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Do you use shame to control others? Shaming is easy to do but does damage that’s very difficult to undo. “…the intense painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.” – Brené Brown

“Shame is so painful for children because it is inextricably linked to the fear of being unlovable.” – Brené Brown ! What does it mean to be shamed? Shaming is designed to cause children to curtail behavior through negative thoughts and feelings about themselves. “Mock your children as they struggle and they will learn to never share their struggles with you.” – Heidi Stone “If I’m wrong, educate me. Don’t belittle me.” – author unknown “…only 4% had not been the targets of their parents' shaming; including ‘rejecting, demeaning, terrorizing, criticizing (destructively), or insulting statements.’”- C. Ruth Solomon and Francoise Serres, Child Abuse & Neglect ! The damaging effects of shaming

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“If you use shame on a person to get them to conform, you’re going to create a weakened person.” – Wayne Dyer "! Shaming is powerless to teach us about relationship or empathy. 2. WHERE SHAME GOT ITS START ! The first negative emotion Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2.25 They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.” Genesis 3.8-10 (New American Standard Bible) ! It’s the perceived loss of our place with others. Guilt is about the fear of punishment but shame is about the fear of abandonment. 3. THE CYCLE OF SHAME ! You experience something painful. ! You connect what happened with who you are. ! You become a prisoner tormented by your past.

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4. GOD DOESN’T SHAME US! ! Adam and Eve …Where are you? Genesis 3.9b (New American Standard Bible) ! Joseph and Mary This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, her fiancé, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly.Matthew 1.18-19 (New Living Translation) ! Jesus and the woman caught in the act of adultery Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her. John 8.7b "Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?" She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said to her, "Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more."John 8.10-11

5. BREAKING THE CHAINS OF SHAME But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.Luke 15.20b

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus…who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame… Hebrews 12.2

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