Effectively Stop Complaining in 7 Easy Steps
Life is stressful, and complaining may be considered by many as
an extension of being absolutely normal. However, complaining
affects our brains and our physical health negatively. A sense of
sadness or melancholy is increased, along with real dissatisfaction
with our daily lives.
Negative stress can also exacerbate chronic health problems,
such as diabetes or asthma. Other physical complaints may include
increased headaches, joint pain, and depression. One way to combat
these symptoms is through learning how to stop useless
complaining.
1. Nourish A Positive AttitudeChange the way you think. Of
course, this is far easier said than done, but it is quite
possible. Cultivate a positive spin on how you perceive the
problem. For example, it is easy to stress over having the perfect
child, job, or date. Accept that life is just plain messy. No one
and no situation is or can be perfect. Accept the situation for
what it is and move forward. Keep the pro side heavily weighed
against the negatives. When you inevitably experience set-backs,
move forward and remember that everyone has them.2. Learn To
AdaptThe only sure thing about life is that nothing stays the same.
Change is coming whether its tomorrow, next month, or next year.
Some life changes are significantly sad. Allow a period of
grieving. Sometimes, setting a daily time to be sad about the
change can help. Acceptance of a situation helps you to adapt
positively to lifes changes. Take up the challenge of seeing the
positive in a situation, even if it is a small good. Think of the
experience as an opportunity rather than an untenable obstacle.
3. Be More Mindful
The past can never be changed and worry about the future is
futile; complaining about either is a pointless exercise. Rather,
move in the present time and cope only with the present situation
as it unfolds. Recognize negative thoughts and replace them with a
positive spin. Rather than, Oh, not the alarm again think of all
that can be accomplished in a bright, new day. While it may sound
clich, learn to graciously accept all that life has to offerthe
good and the bad. Even bad circumstances will change, and can teach
you more mindful attitudes, such as patience.4. Be Assertive
Giving up the bad habit of complaining does not mean allowing
yourself to become someone elses doormat. Assertiveness is the way
to tell others what your needs are and how these can be met. Convey
confidence through something as simple as posture. Stand up
straight, have a firm handshake, and always look people in the eye.
Enunciate and speak clearly, you want people to understand your
point. Avoid rambling, which may lead to awkward and unproductive
pauses. Be firm and express what you want clearly. Dont leave your
meaning to guess work.
5. Be Less Judgmental
This includes yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and being
critical leads to complaining. Should of, would of, and could of
are phrases thats better left out of your vocabulary. Let go of
control. It is simply impossible to be in control of every
situation, sometimes it is best to lower the stress and simply roll
with the consequences. List your strengths to build confidence and,
on a better day, list your weaknesses and how to downplay them.
Compliment yourself and others. Acknowledge a job well done, or a
nicely fitting suit or dress.
6. Be Responsible
Own your mistakes, but never the mistakes of others. The first
step to being responsible is self-respect. Begin by thinking highly
of yourself and your decision-making process. There is no reason
not to. Keep people in your life who respect you, and fail
miserably at taking advantage of you. Eject chronic complainers.
Let them carry their complaints elsewhere. Through garnering people
in your life that like and respect you, you will naturally
reciprocate the respect.
7. Keep Moving Forward
Absolutely refuse to allow lifes obstacles to keep you from
moving onward. Sure, there are people and situations that will
annoy you. This is no excuse to dwell on the negativity. Remember,
this too shall pass. The thing that is creating a problem cannot
last forever. Most problems are temporary and
fleeting.Understanding this is the key to moving forward. Take note
of self-doubt and then release these thoughts. Spending time in
self-doubt is ultimately a waste. Make your decision and follow
through.
As you follow these steps and lessen the habit of complaining,
you will find yourself leading a more confident lifestyle. Stop
complaining about things beyond your control. Move forward with
self-assurance and confidence. Above everything else, be gentle
with yourself.
How to Stop ComplainingWhat do you do when confronted with a
situation that you would normally complain about?You want to direct
your conscious focus on what youre grateful for, what you want and
solutions.The first step is to not complain! There will be many
times throughout the day when you may feel like complaining and you
may have complaining type thoughts, but instead you will stop
yourself short of repeatedly verbalizing your grievances.Second
youll have 4 alternative options:1. Change your behavior2. Change
the way you look at the situation3. Speak out and offer possible
solutions4. Accept it as something you cannot change and recognize
the futility and destructiveness in complaining about it.The
purpose is to train your mind to focus on solutions, what youre
grateful for, and what you want instead of complaints.Here are some
helpful questions to help you choose an option: Is there anything I
can do about it or is it outside of my control? What do I want
instead? What am I grateful for? How can I avoid this in the
future? Can I change what Im doing to help the situation? If I can
do something, who do I need to talk to about it? What do I want?
What are some possible solutions I could offer?
30 Day Complaint Free ExperimentWe are also attempting to reduce
our complaints and to increase our focus on what we are grateful
for, what we want and possible solutions.We disagree with Bowen in
that we believe you should be able to disagree with someone or
point out something you would like to see change. Constructive
criticism is okay as long as you focus primarily on what you want
(instead of what you dont want), what youre grateful for and
brainstorming possible solutions.For example we wouldnt consider
this a complaint:My Parmesan Chicken was really good. I didnt like
how long it took to get our food at the restaurant. (so far a
possible complaint) I wouldve preferred to be in and out in one
hour. I think next time Ill either let the server know ahead of
time if Im in a hurry or Ill go somewhere I know it will be faster
(focuses on what she wants and what she could possibly do next
time).So the challenge is to go 30 consecutive days without
complaining.Wear a ring, bracelet, rubber band or something on your
wrist to remind you of the challenge and your commitment to it.If
you complain, switch the ring or bracelet to your opposite wrist or
finger and start over at day 1. Even if it happens on day 25 you
start back at day 1.If you state something you would like to see
changed once and with possible solutions it is okay. As long as
youre focused on what your grateful for, what you want and possible
solutions youre going in the right direction.This is not an easy
experiment and could take you a very long time to make it 30
consecutive days. Please dont be too hard on yourself. Youre most
likely trying to change a habit that is deeply ingrained in you.Say
Yes to Love, BLOG ABOUT WORK WITH ME ARCHIVES CONTACTCant Stop
Complaining? 9 Ways You Forget to Channel the EnergyTweetWhy Its So
HardNotto ComplainOn November first, I asked you to follow me on a
pledge to gocomplaint-freefor a month.Here is the pledge:I,
Farnoosh Brock, pledge that I will not complain about anything to
anyone (including myself) for the next 30 days.So how areyougetting
on with no complaining?
Just shy of 2 days in, I found myself irritable from suppressing
my complaints so I started abusing the word fact and stretching the
truth about what is and what I perceive to be.The awareness is
brutal. Facts are void of heated emotion, bouts of judgement and
overdose of discretion. Facts are just facts. We both know the
difference, and I was just fooling myself into another way of
getting a minimum amount of complaining out of my system.I had no
earthly clue that I was so fond of complaining!!!The awareness is
the first step to understanding just how very much we all complain.
Yes, I admit, I screwed up many times!What I didnotdo is to give up
on the challenge.See, perfection is not what we are after. Healing
from this irritable life-long habit is what I want for me, and for
you. So how do we do that?Our intention is good. We have pledged to
stop complaining. We are cheering each other on inour
complaint-free Facebook groupand I am still getting pledges coming
in on the complaint-free post. But theres more to it than telling
yourself to just stop complaining as I have learned the hard way.
The reason to stop complaining is two-fold and simple:1.Complaining
is completely useless.Complaining does not help you in anyway and
it does not make the situation at hand any better.2.Complaining is
possibly harmful.It can become a nasty habit, make you unattractive
and annoying, and shut your eyes to the actual reality of the
situation.Complaining is a form of energy and energy cannot be
destroyed but it can be put to a different use. Lets talk about
ways we can channel this brute force that comes out in the negative
draining energy of a complaint into a constructive, useful and
positive energy. Lets see if this helps us see the circumstance for
what it really is, clear of quick judgement and ego overdose. Lets
keep our nerves calm and our stress level at bay and keep breathing
when something small goes astray.Who knows? We might even catch the
lesson or two that life is trying to teach us with this approach!9
Ways You Forget to Channel the Energy of Complaining1. Get Very
Curious:This is the easiest and softest approach. Lets say you are
about to express how awfully annoying and rude the driver in front
of you is with his inconsistent erratic driving. Instead, get
curious. You could say, You know I wonder if he is having a bad day
or if his boss just fired him? If I were him, Id be driving right
into a tree Id be so mad. Poor guy! And then give him your best
wishes, and go around him to drive off.2. Change Your Opinion:Your
ego will tell you that your opinion is the same as fact, but unless
its a fact, it be not a fact. What you think about the restaurants
service is an opinion. What you think of your horrid boss is also
an opinion. What you think about the quality of your fathers temper
is again an opinion. So what if you changed your opinion. You made
it up you know? Youcanalso change it. Maybe the service is great
but today is a bad day for telling. Maybe your boss is horrid
because his boss treats him like crap. Maybe your father is angry
because his life was really hard and youd never understand that.3.
Take 3 Deep Breaths:Deep breaths are a miracle and you know it even
if you dont want to admit it. If you hesitate just 1 minute and
channel that negative energy into 3 to 4 deep breaths and then
lunge into it, there is no way the complaint would have the same
brute force. The deep breath consists of a big inhale, a 3 second
hold, and then a slow long exhale to release the air. Repeat 3
times.4. Ask a Question:Instead of expressing your justified
complaint, pause and ask a question. This will work even if you are
by yourself. Instead of framing it like a complaint such as Oh I
cant stand that stupid checkout girl could she be any slower? you
could ask no one in particular: What do you think of the way she is
checking out her customers? Is it possible that theres way to look
at the situation?
5. Question Your Thoughts:Your thoughts shape your reality and
you react to that reality. If it pleases you, you are happy and if
it displeases you, you complain. So start questioning your
thoughts. The first and simplest question is Is it true? and then
you poke deeper, Is it absolutely and positively true? And you will
begin to see that there is a chance your thoughts could be at fault
and better thoughts can take their place.6. Use Physical
Exercise:This does not have to be a whole workout routine. This can
be a quick stretch and a walk around the block to release tension
energy and give you some time away from the circumstance. This
applies to more long-term complaints, so find one that you tend to
repeat, maybe about your horrid boss. Next time it comes to mind,
use that tension to walk around the office or to stretch at your
desk for 2 minutes or work on thatexit strategy with me. Feel any
different?7. Meditate On It:Yes, I know. I am a huge fan of
meditation but I find it very hard to sit still and meditate.
Ashtanga yoga practice is my meditation. You can use moving
meditation such as walking,breathing and moving (even for 10
minutes!)and being in nature as all forms of meditation. Meditation
simply means shutting out the outside noise and grounding yourself.
Complaining is when you are outside yourself, so use the energy to
ground and center your body, however you can achieve it.8. Use
Positive Affirmations:The complaint is a negative affirmation it
affirms the negative. It affirms your thoughts and opinions and you
can just as easily turn it around into apositive affirmation. An
affirmation is a present-tense phrase used in the first person with
only active verbs. So if my complaint is I cant stand it when
people email me and then never reply to my answer!, I would turn it
into an affirmation by saying: I release my frustration about
people who ignore my emails.9. Reclaim Your Own Power:Believe it or
not, complaining puts the power your power out into someone else or
something else. You feel helpless, frustrated and annoyed after
complaining. You feel weak, not strong, and a victim not a winner.
Right? So the last way you can channel that energy is by putting
back that power back into your own sexy little hands and stop
giving it away! Next time a complaint reaches your beautiful lips,
tell yourself: I am done giving my power away. Focus on what serves
you best and let the energy of complaining turn into a healing
energy ofacceptance and joyfor what is.If you are just reading this
for the first time, it is not too late to join the complaint-free
challenge. Start today. Start this minute. Join us on the Facebook
page!One last thing before you go: Grabmy FREE confidence bookas a
sneaky little way of nipping that complaining habit in the bud!