Effective Communication

1

Blah…Blah…Blah…

Huh???

Arvi Balseiro

2

The intent of the message received…

The intent of the message sent

=

3

Handling difficult situations and managing people requires effective

communication skills.

The Unpredictable Nature of Schooling

4

CommunicationCounts!

> What communication is and how the process operates as a system.. verbal and nonverbal communication

> What active listening techniques promote effective communication

> How you send and process information… preferred communication style

> What communication techniques can be used when handling difficult situations

> What behavior patterns get in the way of the communication process

Outcomes

5

What is Communication?

Accidental

Expressive

Rhetorical

6

Communication is Powerful!

Dynamic… The process is constantly in a state of change.Continuous… The communication process never stops.Irreversible…Oncewe send a message,we cannot undo it.Interactive…We areconstantly in contact with other people and with ourselves.

7Vague impressions become reality

Ideas are examined

Set into categories

Added to

other ideas

The Power to Maneuver Ideas

8

Communication

EnvironmentSource Receiver

Channel for

NOISE

Messages &

Feedback

Noise Noise

Culture

Communication Skills

Physical StateEmotional State

Experience

AttitudesMemory

Expectation

Culture

Communication Skills

Physical StateEmotional State

Experience

Attitudes

Memory

Expectation

9

Verbal Communication…Words Have an Impact

There are words whose effects are subtle and unperceived; there are words that comfort and words that pain; that support and that undermine; words that inform and that mislead; that foster rationality and that impede it; words that divide and words that unite.

Thomas L. Nilson

10

Carefully Choose Your Words…Communication Blurps

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: “ I would not live forever, because we should not liveforever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.” Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” Brooke Shields during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

11

Carefully Choose Your Words…Communication Blurps

“ Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.” Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

“ If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there will be a record.” Mark Fowler, FCC Chairman

12

Carefully Choose Your Words…Communication Blurps

“ It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”

Al Gore, Vice President

“ The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst

13

Words Chosen…What You Say…

• Tip: The best way to keep your message focused is to determine up front exactly what you want to accomplish. Having a clear objective will help you throughout your talk.

• Tip: Capture the listener’s interest. Grab his/her attention so the listener is willing to set aside other thoughts and distractions for a while.Tell the listener how this discussion impacts him/her; or, if you are talking to a parent, how the discussion impacts his/her child.

14

Words Chosen…What You Say..

• Tip: State your central point early on. Keep it simple and straightforward. Offer supporting points that provide the information that you want to get across to the listener. To hold the listener’s attention, supporting points should be well organized and presented logically and clearly. Possible ways to order supporting points are:

Cause and effectChronological orderMost important to least importantSimple to complex

• Tip: Illustrate your points with relevant information that appeals to the listener’s communication preference style. Try using personal experiences, examples and facts.

15

Tone of Voice…How You Say It..Paravocalics

RATE VOLUME

PITCH PAUSE STRESS

16

Tone of Voice…How You Say It..

Varied Voices

Firm and Fair Voice…used as a positive, but firm way to communicate your message. It is a “no questions asked”voice that gives directions and receives attention.

“We must always strive to ensure we are delivering the mission of our school… character first.”

17

Tone of Voice… How You Say It..

Varied Voices

Animated Voice… used when you are being playful, getting your faculty excited, or just having fun.

“Great job! I was thrilled in the manner in which you elicited higher order responses from your students!”

18

Tone of Voice…How You Say It..

Varied VoicesLimit-Setting Voice:

“I cannot

discuss another

child with you.”

19

Listening Plays a Vital Role in the Communication Process

Yet…our ability to listen is often challenging

Staying tuned in despite the volume of information Discussing complex and important issues with people whose vocabulary and frames of reference are different from yoursInteracting with others who have different backgrounds

20

What is Effective/Active Listening?

Active Listening is a process in which the listener…

Takes active responsibility in understanding the content and feeling of what is being saidUses appropriate body language to show that he/she is listeningChecks with the speaker to see if he/she heard what the speaker intended to communicate

21

Elements of Effective/Active Listening

• Content: The subject the speaker is addressing.

• Feelings: The emotions the speaker has when discussing the subject.

• Process: The manner in which the speaker delivers the subject matter.

• Clarification: The ability of the individual listening to ask questions and to seek understanding of the subject matter.

22

Barriers to Active Listening

• Making advance assumptions about the subject

• Mentally criticizing the speaker’s delivery

• Getting over stimulated• Listening only to the facts• Overreacting to certain words or

phrases• Withdrawing

attention/daydreaming

23

Methods for Improving Listening Skills

• Try to understand the intent and listen for main points.

• Concentrate on the message, not the person.

• Listen now… clarify later.

• Ask open-ended questions to draw out the person’s issues or concerns.

• Analyze your reactions as you listen.

• Use appropriate body language.

24

Nonverbal Communication

25

Sources of Nonverbal Signs

Neurological Programs: Innate, automatic nonverbal reactions to stimuli…Reflexive

Cultural and Intercultural Behavior:

Learned in the same way as spoken language…Reflective

26

Categories of Nonverbal Communication

SELFPhysical Characteristics

Haptics

Paravocalics

Proxemics

Gestics

Facsis

Ocalics

Gustor

ics

Olfactics

Artifacts

27

The degree to which the communication is effective

depends on the communicators’mutual understanding of the

signals being used….

28

The intent of the message received…

The intent of the message sent

=

I am confident that your daughter is placed in the right class.

I have it under control and the wiring for the new technology will be in place for the start of school.

I believe this new program will provide greater results for our students.

29

Communication Style Preferences

Auditory Visual

Kinesthetic Digital

30

What is Your Preferred Communication Style?

• Auditory Mode……………………

• Visual Mode………………………

• The Kinesthetic/Tactile Mode…

• Digital Mode………………………

31

Preferred Communication Styles…Auditory Mode

“I hear what you are saying.” or

“It certainly sounds like she was upset!” or

“ Tell me about it. Let’s talk!”

“ Listen to me…”

32

Preferred Communication Styles…Visual Mode

Don’t forget to write me a big note about that!

33

Preferred Communication Styles…

Kinesthetic/Tactile Mode

Demonstrative….doers…prefer movement in their interactions…rely on their emotions and use statements such as “ I feel this is the best solution.”

34

Preferred Communication Styles…

Digital Mode

Show me the facts and research.

35

Remember… Parents & Students Have Preferred Communication

Styles Too!• Auditory Mode……………………

• Visual Mode………………………

• The Kinesthetic/Tactile Mode…

• Digital Mode………………………

Remember…To discover someone's primary mode:

> Listen to the verbs they use > Watch their eye movements during a discussion > Observe their behavior> Ask how they prefer to receive new information

36

Remember… Parents Have Preferred Communication Styles

Too!• Auditory Mode…. Wine and Cheese, Parents’

Night, Town Meetings, Curriculum Methodology and Research Inservices, monthly parent meetings

• Visual Mode… “What’s Up” weekly newsletter, Website, PowerPoint presentations, student generated quarterly newspaper

• The Kinesthetic/Tactile Mode… Hands-on curriculum implementation strategies seminars, Beautification Day

• Digital Mode…Printed research & statistics

37

Even Despite Your Best Efforts to Communicate Effectively by..• Carefully choosing

your words,• Using an appropriate

tone of voice,• Actively listening,• Using appropriate non-

verbal and communication cues,

• Recognizing the preferred communication styles….

38

You May Still Have Conflict!

39

Communication Counts…When Handling Difficult Interactions

• Conflict may arise when:> Goals and objectives may conflict> People have different personal or work styles> There is confusion about roles and responsibilities> People have different opinions about issues

40

Action Steps for Addressing Conflict Constructively

1. Establish Mutual Involvement2. Present Your Perspective of the Issue

and its Impact3. Seek to Understand the Other

Person’s Point of View4. Decide on an Appropriate Plan of

Action5. Express Your Appreciation for the

Other Person’s Efforts

41

1. Establish Mutual Involvement

• Briefly describe the issue

• Establish the person’s stake in the issue

• State your positive intentions

42

2. Present Your Perspective of the Issue and it’s Impact

• Explain the what, who, when, and where of the issue as you see it

• Describe the impact of the issue

• Make observations factually, objectively and non-judgmentally

43

3. Seek to Understand the Other Person’s Point of View

• Ask Questions to bring out critical issues

• Listen until you understand completely

• When appropriate, offer an apology

Effective Communication…

Don’t Let Behavior Patterns Get in Your Way!

45

The “Intimidator”

• Speaks with authority• Dominates, intimidates

others• Can be hostile and

belligerent• Pushes others around• Doesn’t seem to take a

breath

Characteristics:

46

The “Brick Mason”

• Builds emotional walls between self and others• Avoids conflict• Remains silent or says little• Changes the subject

Characteristics:

47

The “Historian”

• Has a long, detailed memory

• Keeps score of past problems, grievances

• Recounts events from the past whether they apply or not

Characteristics:

48

The “Magician”

• Expects problems to disappear into thin air

• Refuses to address issues• Hides behind higher goals that may be

politically correct• Waves the flag of equality, service, etc.

Characteristics:

49

The “Quibbler”

• Argues point by point• Finds a weakness in each

statement• Cross-examines others, often

focusing on irrelevant details

Characteristics:

50

Who Are You?

51

The “Brick Mason”

• Begin by describing your perspective of the problem and its impact

• Ask directly about the other person’s silence or reluctance to discuss the situation

• Acknowledge that it may be difficult to share feelings

• Validate, support and affirm the other person’s reaction

• Create a safe and comfortable environment; show your willingness to be supportive

Suggestions:

52

The “Historian”

• Check your understanding of what the other person has said as a way of bringing closure to discussions of past events and defining current issues

• Stay “now” and “future” focused; don’t get drawn into rehashing the past

• Respond with yes, and … statements to validate the past issues raised while focusing on real concerns.

Suggestions:

53

The “Magician”

• Ask specific, sometimes closed questions to crystallize your understanding

• Try to identify the underlying reasons for the other person’s behavior

• Describe the problem’s impact in terms of factors that are important to the other person

Suggestions:

54

The “Quibbler”Suggestions:

• Don’t get drawn into the question and answer format• Change the pace by using silence and slowing your

speech• Ask questions of the other person to refocus the

discussion• Make observations; use specific facts; choose your

words carefully• Do your homework…plan and prepare for the discussion

55

The “Intimidator”

Suggestions:• Meet the other person’s intensity with your own

serenity and calm demeanor• Allow enough time for the person to exhaust his

or her argument and to blow off steam• Use brief pauses as opportunities to “jump in”• Be secure when presenting your perspective• Use the other person’s name to get his or her

attention

56

4. Decide on an Appropriate Plan of Action

• Agree on the issues to be addressed

• Share responsibility for carrying out the plan

• Document what you’ve agreed to, especially if the solution is a long-term one

57

5. Express Your Appreciation for the Other Person’s Efforts

• Thank the Other Person for His/Her Time and Effort

• Provide Feedback

58

Build Trust and RapportAdmit when you don’t know the answer…Strength

grows from vulnerability

Empower…not micromanage

Authentic, open communication

Respect confidentiality

Have a playful spirit

Be a person of your word.. Dependability creates trust.

Be an “active” listener

59

Where Do We Go From Here?