EASA010_issue06

EASAUK 010 ENGLAND . MANCHESTER // DOWNTEX ISSUE NO 05 //TUESDAY, 10th OF AUGUST 2010

U M B R E L L A N e w s p a p e r @ g m a i l . c o m

U M B r e l l aRESPECT THE RULES_DRINK RESPONSIBLY_BIG BROTHER ISN’T WATCHING YOU

KEEP AN EYE ON THE NEWS, IT MAY BE ABOUT YOU...

lost...

...and found

If you want to buy tokens, with-out going back to the gym dur-ing the night, find the tokens dealer. It seems that somebody called Schoersch does that kind of work...

WHAT’S UP ON FRIDAY MORNING??

ADVICE OF THE DAY:

Giulia’s brag of the day:Lets get a fu**ing salad!

Today we are learning Dutch with Marten: >cheers!: proost!>I dont have any sleeping bag. Ik heb geen slaapzak.

_too much people sleeping in the HQ, its not an hotel ppl! get a room somewhere!_parties are back in EASA! enjoy!_a smile on Chris Maloney’s face_an orange nokia phone_a black sony ericsson phone_a silver nikon coolpix camera [it’s been there for a week now!]_lots of sunglasses_a f***ing huge watch_several moleskine notepads_a silver ring with flowers on it_lots of sleeping bags_lots and lots of shoes_1 Gb sd card_a pair of glasses [how can you see something without them?!?]_lots and lots of clothes [again]

_hugo’s pair of trousers, he’s used to live naked, but today is raining and he dont want to have a balls flue._a pair of RAY BAN glasses, NOT sun glasses! WTF picture

of the day:

If somebody can tell Umbrella WTF are these people doing in the middle of the road...

EASAUK 010 ENGLAND . MANCHESTER // DOWNTEX ISSUE NO 05 //TUESDAY, 10th OF AUGUST 2010

U M B R E L L A N e w s p a p e r @ g m a i l . c o m

U M B r e l l aRESPECT THE RULES_DRINK RESPONSIBLY_BIG BROTHER ISN’T WATCHING YOU

KEEP AN EYE ON THE NEWS, IT MAY BE ABOUT YOU...

!GROUP PHOTO!EASA need a GROUP PHOTO, like last year in Italy. So Bojana give you an appointement ON FRIDAY MORNING, @ THE GYM, 9:30 AM! BE READY AND AWAKE! we dont want any sleeping people on the picture. see you xxx

The weather report

Lectures:The single of the day:

sex: maleage: 24tallness: 6 foot 4 inchesweight: 14 stoneseyes: brownhairs: blackinterested in: girlsquality: always good looking, most of the time wearing suits. Easy to introduce to your parents.flaws: less easy to introduce into your house/bed/shower.

If youre are interested: contact Umbrella, photo required.

Jo FrameTonight, 2 lectures @ Downtex, re-allz good ones! So get your dinner and go to lectures!

How

is it going in Um

-brella? W

ell, pretty good m

ood...

Dr Dashorst Manchester review

The Civil Justice Centre

The structure of the building is built up around a three-way divi-sion: the central core that houses all circulation spaces and acts as the main structural support; the eastern section that houses the courtrooms and justice’s offices, covered in a metal window structure; and the western section, a 20 storey atrium lobby, brandishing Europe’s larg-est suspended glass wall to date - 11,000 sqm. It is a building that does not depend on massiveness and weight to impress its visitors; instead, it uses light, colour and a playfulness not often seen in gov-ernment buildings, let alone court-house complexes to convince those who enter justice is done just there. The courtrooms in the eastern sec-tion a arranged in a drawer-like set-ting, sometimes cantilevering out for more than 15 meters. Wrapped around them is a grey metal struc-ture punctured with countless win-dow covers, assuring it will not look the same twice. Their function is to regulate the amount of daylight en-tering and securing a proper level of privacy for the justice’s chambers, located right behind them.

The way colour has been used in the project cannot be called exactly traditional for a courthouse. Unlike most court buildings, that of-ten make use of a specific colour spectrum - mostly white, grey or even darker tones - the panel clad-ding of the courtroom ‘fingers’ are a pleasant soft yellow and green. They seem to refer to a green world, perhaps not in the direct vicinity but somewhere else out there. Since the colours are so light, the consid-erable height of the building - espe-

cially compared to its surroundings, where buildings rarely go over 10 storeys, half that of the CJC - seems more appropriate and in place. It is in the combination of these colours and the surprising openness that the building seems like a place where justice will be served. Or, as the ar-chitects description on their website reads:

“From the exterior, it signals and literally displays the accessibil-ity of the courts. This building is part of the city, and the city part of the building.”42

And, unfortunately, the building’s biggest asset - its ac-cessibility - is also its biggest dis-advantage. Although it definitely succeeded in creating a better un-derstanding of the judicial process through opening up its infrastruc-ture and courtrooms to the city, a courthouse of course will never be a true public building. The main ac-cess to the complex is on one of the short edges, where the courtrooms’ cantilever suddenly feels heavy and suppressing, as if it were a giant

architectural sword of Damocles. The nowadays ubiquitous security checkpoints take up a large portion of the entrance hall, thereby disturb-ing the visual see-through the ar-chitects had in mind, attempting to bring the inner workings even closer to the public. Once inside the main lobby, and after having acclimatized to the sheer overwhelming size of it, a feeling of claustrophobia creeps in; the atrium wants you to believe you are outside, yet you are about as far away from the centre of Man-chester as you could be.

Where the attempt at open-ness seems to have failed some-what in the main atrium, in the court rooms it feels more natural. Given the fact these spaces are not on ground level but elevated into the sky, the distance to the ground al-ready creates a ‘safety barrier’; their isolated position, as if they were al-most literally ‘floating on air’, is like a metaphor for the required independ-ence of justice - this time instead of a blindfolded Lady Justice, it is a disconnected court room. Being able to look outside actually tones down the normal impact of appear-ing in court. Seeing the skies, and feeling the outside air that feeds the rooms through an intricate system of ducts, makes these rooms atypically pleasant. Poetic justice could be about this building. Or, as Stephen Bayley writes in his critique of the building, “what a perfect place to get divorced”.43

[to be continued...]

A DAY IN THE LIFE.... OF MAD/TT/LA(M)B(ERT)

As one of the few places in this years EASA boot camp that hasn’t been hit by drama and disaster, the MadLab has be-come a safe haven for all EASA refugees in need of a cup of tea, some internet-time - NO facebook, your friends are here too, anyway - and of course a warm hug from the MadLab Commander-in-Chief, Matt ‘Mad’ Lambert. So, who is this big smiling guy anyway, where is he from and where is he going to? Umbrella went out to find out and came up with some very interesting facts....

According to Wikipedia, Matt was born 23 years ago in the south London bor-ough of ‘Oi, what the fudge you lookin’ at, mate!’, a grim and rundown area just 5 minutes away from Brighton, but about 3 hours from the city of London. Grow-ing up the youngest of four boys - Brat, Chad, Jett and himself - Matt has from a young age been an independent guy who doesn’t take no for an answer; if he does get it, he’ll make you rethink it pretty quickly.

Matt got inspired to pursue a career in architecture around the turn of the cen-tury, when his family mansion was razed for the taxpayers-waste-of-money called the Millennium Dome. Designed by the esteemed British architect Lord Rogers OBE QCE VC KG WTF LOL, this post-industrialist-pre-starchitecture blot on the Greenwich Peninsula was the inspi-ration for Matt to become an architect who promised never ever in his entire lifetime once design a round, yellow, domed thingy. So, instead of going the way of most shitty British architects, he went to Berlin where he joined the office of Sauerbruch Hutton, and decided to spend the rest of his professional career with bright colour, minus the yellow.

Unfortunately, it was quickly discovered that he’s about as colour blind as a grey wolf bat, so Sauerkraut Mutton didn’t work out either. Matt quest for glory next brought him to beautiful Rotterdam,

where he joined OMA. And again, no success. After being asked by the great Rem himself if he was willing to work 24/7 for no more than a tenner a week, he told Rem he could go and take a dump, he was out. Ironically, that comment made Rem think about this competition they were doing in Beijing for some television company, and well, we all know how that ended.

After the Dutch Debacle Matt decided it maybe made more sense if he actually studied architecture first, and that’s what he’s still doing right now. Asked how he sees his future, he gave umbrella this answer: “Professionally, I would like to work for an office that advocates the use of revolving doors that go both ways. Privately, however, I would love to be a background singer for Mariah Carey! I mean, can you imagine all those blue M&Ms, early morning campfire jam ses-sions with Jay-Z and Ja Rule, and get-ting to wash Mariah’s skimpy shorts, pfeeeew!” Well Matt, as long as all that doesn’t interfere with you running the MadLab, we wish you all the best!

EASA-ian GUIDE to SURVIVAL

1. Always, but always have a survivor kit with you.Survivor kit is a stylish bag consisting stuff you will surely need in the next 24hrs: toothbrush, toilet paper, a bottle of water, spare pair of socks and panties, sunglasses and umbrella.

2. Split your belongings into a couple of bags and leave them at several strategically important places ( the Gym, Downtex and Hopemill at least).That way you can take a shower, eat and sleep wherever you’ve been told to do it.Bonus: in a case of migration there’s only one light bag you will need to move.

3. Have a friend who will carry your air mattress from Downtex to the Gym, and then sleep on the floor because you are to lazy to inflate it.

4. Have a friend who will do your laundry and then try to dry it on a goalpost in the Gym, since he can’t handle a dryer. Go to a laundrette and dry your stuff.

5. Trust no one. Alcohol was your best friend, but since it has been prohibited, you’re on your own.Don’t trust even the info point because they might play the big taboo game and mislead you.

6. Work and party (or the other way round). Whatever you do, DON’T PANIC! And don’t be upset. If you are, add relaxants to your survival kit.

Dr. LoveThe best love advice aroundFour nights and three days left of this year’s EASA. Dr. Love would like to con-gratulate all successful EASA love-seek-ers. Walking through Sugden Sports Centre last night Dr. Love couldn’t help but notice that his little helper Cupid has been very busy sprinkling a lot of love dust around.

Tip of the day: To those of you still trying to get Mr. or Miss. EASA 2010 to notice you, here are Dr. Love’s Top Ten tried and tested pick-up lines that never fail. If they do not work for you it means that you are a lost cause, destined to stay alone and miserable forever.

1. -Did it hurt? -Did what hurt? -When you fell from heaven...

2. I swear I’ve seen you before..Where have I seen you before? Oh yeah it was when I was looking in the dictionary and your picture was next to “Mmmm Hmmm!”

3. Can I take a picture of you so I can show Santa what i want for Christmas this year?

4. You know what? Your eyes are the same colour as my Porsche. You would look so great in it!

5. (looking at the label on the girl/guy’s shirt/dress) Oh sorry, i just wanted to check if you were made in heaven.

6. What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.

7. I have a yacht. Shall we go for a ride?

8. Excuse me, I’ve lost my sleeping bag. Can I sleep with you tonight?

9. This isn’t a beer belly. It’s a fuel tank for a love machine.

10. -I bet you £20 i can kiss you without using my lips. -Ok...deal. You kiss her/him. -Oops i lost.

Dr. Love would like to wish all remain-ing EASA love-seekers good luck. And remember, if this fails you do not de-serve love and Dr. Love can’t help you anymore.

Keep spreading the love <3

VIRGOYou’re happy and feeling confident about the future. Go where life takes you today and don’t hesitate to say yes to unexpected invitations, events or opportunities.

LIBRAYou won’t want to be where the masses are; it’s important for you to be seen as an individual now, not just a face. Solitude is no bad thing, especially for serene Libra, so make the most of it while you can!

SCORPIOSocially, you’re feeling much more confident than normal today, so it’s a good time to spread your wings and get involved in some new groups or friendships. There’s a hint of romance on the cards too!

SAGITTARIUSToday is all about negotiating. You won’t get all of your own way, especially if you’re kicking against restrictions your parents have made – but you can significantly improve your situation through intelligent behaviour and offering concessions. Can you stay out later if you promise to phone at regular intervals? Can you go to that party if you take little sis to the park every day next week?

CAPRICORNYour charm and sense of humour will get you through most obstacles today, but beware of coming across as too smarmy or insincere. A boy you like very much will be particularly sensitive if he thinks you’re just saying what he wants to hear. Tinge your basic honesty with a bit of tact and you won’t go far wrong.

AQUARIUSNew romance is a possibility this Wednesday, especially if Monday was difficult. Someone you already know very well is keen to get to know you even better, but you’ll be torn between maintaining your friendship or developing a relationship. No need to rush into anything. Take it slowly and see how you get on.

PISCESWith the Moon now in your opposite sign of Virgo, there’s a bit of a midweek lull going on here. You’ll find it difficult to make progress with any academic work and perhaps socially too, with friends being away, busy or otherwise unavailable. That does mean you have plenty of free time, though, so it’s a great day for getting on with your own hobbies.

ARIESOn this ambitious Wednesday, it’s good to take a look at where you want to go in life. Spend some time dreaming about the life you intend to create for yourself.

TAURUSYour health comes in for a nasty shock today, you might find that you can’t fit into a favourite outfit or have a sudden yukky skin breakout. Consider it a warning from your healthy conscience.

GEMINIA lovely, sociable Wednesday. You’ll be happy around a crowd of people and indeed you can get to know plenty of new faces today, as you have the confidence to chat to just about anyone on any topic.

CANCERWith your mind set firmly on life’s big questions, a friend who’s obsessed with trivia really irritates you today. If you want philosophy, seek out someone else.

LEOWith a to-do list as long as your arm but no signs of fatigue, this is a fabulous Wednesday for getting things done. You’re moving from one task to another at astonishing speed. Good for you, Leo!

umbrellascope!

Inspector Neufert investigates EASA

06:00 vintage alarm clock.

Today inspector Neufert investigates Alex Maxwell’s Morning. Everything seemed to go by schedule, although mental exercises proved insufficient to retrieve information from the individual concerning the lost van. Breakfast was served properly, though, thanks to FL who donated 567 items of cutlery to EASA participants in order to eat domino pizza. FL participants claimed to own the cutlery for personal use [pic.A] Fran wrote down the incident in his moleskin and stated “estamos trabajando en ello”, meaning “in Espain all you’ll need is sangria”.

06:30 06:35 07:00

07:30 08:00 08:15

08:40 09:00 missing object. [A] Thomas’ personal set

the MANIFESTO pt.2

this issue comes along with instruc-tions, standards and rules for the future organisers.

the amazing danish school for the contribution)

20 - The Bar License should be printed on a concrete wall, 4 meters from the floor level and be guarded by snakes, crocodiles and NCs, so the authorities cannot take it.

21 - Information at the infopoint should not be given free. With the budget from info-selling, infopoints can become automatic callcenters : "Press 1, if you want to buy tokens, press 2, for the Lost'n'found menu, press 3, for the daily duties menu, or any other number to break the balls of the polite operator."

22 - This umbrella should be printed in white paper just for once.

23 - Other umbrellas should be printed in colored paper, so theycan look full of new stuff !

24 - Construction worshkops,

16 - Bars and venues should be designed as temporary throw-away structures. Take Downtex and the national evening's Aviary as an ex-ample. It was only used once, and it worked !

17 - Bars, especially the ones in festivals, assemblies, student gatherings,etc. - along with the nec-essary BAR spaces - should provide space for 21 ambulances, 12 police cars, a room for dogs, dressing room for the firemen, leisure room for firemen and their families, kitchen and dorms for lateshift fire inspec-tors, and every other living facilities for the firebrigades who might live there for short periods of time.

18 - To firemen luggages look like humans, so they should save both. All in all, there is one's life in each single bag.

19 - From now on, in every National Evening, the Bealorussian pavillion MUST look like Vietnam. (thanks to

especially "Small Interventions" MUST only focus on things that people actually need, like tv towers, underground tunnels, railway, BP oil caps for their holes underwater, etc. Think more and dont waste budget ;-).25 - You are what you wear. Do not throw used condoms on the streets around downtex.

26 - Violence may be applied as a mean of communication between 7:50 AM and 8:10 AM. (remember: "Goodmorning Guys", the bible page 218"

27 - Passive systems in England are like generating power from snow in cyprus.

28 - "Don't get any big ideas,they're not gonna happen

.....you're going to hell,

for what your dirty mindis thinking"

(radiohead: nude)29 - Future EASAs should be ac-comodated close to shopping malls with good toilets. This will save some people.

30 - Films in cinema should be filmed in trapesoidal ratio to avoid distortion during the projection in gyms.