D EAR HONOURABLE MEMBERS. When the news came that your vote on Motion no. 312 was delayed until the fall, I must admit, I heaved a sigh of relief. I heaved it as far as possible and, in the process, emptied my lungs so thoroughly that I could not breathe. But I have not been asphyxiated by this problem yet and return now, after recuperating, to my tale. One might think it would be done by now; one might wish it to be done ( on that point, believe me, I am with you) . One might wish the vote taken. But duty, my friends. We cannot be done whenever we want. Thank goodness I have you to confide in, when so many around me are washing their hands of the foul issue the very instant it turns foul . We cannot say, ‘I have had enough of this wretched topic’ and just turn away. We who have obligations are not Lords and Ladies, whose reason to be done with a thing can be nothing more than that they wish to be done with it. Only a pampered aristocrat employs ‘wretched issue’ as a Principle of Decision. Proper government, as we well know, takes work, and that there is more work in this wretched issue, you know better than all of us. For why else does it keep flying back, except that there is more to it ? Of course, it could be that the people who keep flinging it back, after it has been flung away, are witless oafs driven by ignorance. Ha ha - kidding! I know you better than to project such a view upon you; you have not stepped forth to lead the country out of contempt for those you lead! No, you are ready to acknowledge ( of this I am sure) that the people calling out for justice - Justice for the unborn! Reproductive justice! - are not utter and complete boobs. Each one has some view of things to which they are committed - ‘ideological views’, some would say, that are thus entirely unfit to undergird public policy ... which, as a matter of fact, leads straight into the next instalment of my story. O ne evening I was relaxing in the comfort ( such as it was) of my home ( such as it is) when several sharp raps on the door shattered the quiet. “Is this the Dissenting Fut ? Out of there FUT , you meddler!” These were the words that roared in as I cracked open the door. I opened it wider and there before me was an old college friend, M r. james m c faddingtono ’ fladdington. How did he know? How had he learned of these letters, and how had he traced them to me? The jig was up, I thought. But then ... what was the jig? I was soon to get the lowdown. “JIMMY, my friend, long has it been since we have chewed cud together. Come in for a brew,” I said with trepidation. “No,” he replied. “I drink with friends, I drink with foes, but the presence of fools offends my nose, thus interfering greatly with enjoyment of good drink. We’ll take a walk first and see if you are fit to drink with, which I very much doubt.” And thus it began, our ramble of discovery. But how had he learned I had been writing to you? It was soon clear, owing to certain phrases he employed, that he had actually read the letters. Was it, I have wondered, one of you who shared them with him? More than one among you might well know Jimmy, as the m cfaddingtono ’fladdington s are a prominent family deeply involved in our nation’s politics. If indeed it was one of you who took him into your confidence, I hasten now to thank you, as we had an informative chat that I will not soon forget. If ever. It is the m cfaddingtono ’fladding - ton s whom we must carefully listen to, as the exit from our swamp most certainly depends on them. J IMMY counted out the Five Points of edification he said I was most in need of, folding each point down one by one until they formed a fist. Which he then allowed me to have, in the following manner. “You think you are Helping, don’t you? You think this is Helpful to people ... this ... whatever it is you imagine you are doing.” “Do you think these MPs need you ? They don’t need you. Their job is to represent their constituents, not listen to you. Most people in this country are satisfied with things exactly the way they are, and the MPs know this. It’s their job. They know their constituents and they will cast their vote; they will represent their constituents. I know that comes as a shock to you, you noxious pox on the political process.” I was shocked indeed by that: a pox on the process? But I was mystified. How was communicating with you, as I have done, interference with our system? I did not think your minds had to be protected from discussion, information, and (the horror) influ- ence. Goodness knows, you expose that delicate organ left and right ( to your in-box, newspapers, novels, movies, the inter- net, ...). I hoped the ex- planation would follow and, sure enough, it did. As to the other remark, about the mind of the nation, I was somewhat chagrined. I had no knowledge that permit- ted me to claim, as Jimmy had just done, that ‘ most people in this country are satisfied with things just as they are’ - but I was aware that all the m c faddingtono ’ fladdington s possess such knowledge by heredity. As for my- self, I knew nothing of what the country thinks about these matters and I had done nothing to check, having blown all my time looking into facts and listening to people who knew something about what they were speaking of. Dear Members, how I would like to know your secret: how do you do it - know what the country wants, learn the minds of your constituents? b y this point I was already feeling a tad deflated and we sat down on a bench, while Jimmy continued. “You think you are Hidden behind a veil of neutrality. You imagine that no one can see what you are up to, because of your earnest-nerd schtick. Yes, you have been so supremely clever, with this ‘gosh-and-golly-wherever-do-I-stand’ routine, that no one, you think, can see what you are doing.” N o. 5 18 JUNE 2012 } } The D I S S E N T I N G F U T I L I T A R I A N { { LE T T E R S T O M E M B E R S O F P A R L I A M E N T F R O M A C I T I Z E N O N T H E S U B J E C T O F T H E P R O P O S E D I N V E S T I G AT I O N I N T O O U R H U M A N I T Y O sa y ca n y o u h e a r ? O r a re y o u a l o g ? W h a t c o u r s e c a n y o u s t e e r , t o e x i t t h i s b o g ? ! B The Honourable .................... , M.P. House of Commons Ottawa scowling session in progress sneering , dismissing , contempt , glowering DARKLY , STARING ACCUSINGLY , MOCKING , & any combination thereof ALLOWED
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Transcript
D EAR HONOURABLE MEMBERS.
When the news came that your
vote on Motion no. 312 was delayed until the
fall, I must admit, I heaved a sigh of relief. I
heaved it as far as possible and, in the process,
emptied my lungs so thoroughly that I could
not breathe. But I have not been asphyxiated
by this problem yet and return now, after
recuperating, to my tale. One might think
it would be done by now; one might wish it
to be done (on that point, believe me, I am
with you). One might wish the vote taken.
But duty, my friends. We cannot be done
whenever we want. Thank goodness I have
you to confide in, when so many around me
are washing their hands of the f o u l i s s u e
the very instant it turns f o u l .
We cannot say, ‘I have had enough of this
wretched topic’ and just turn away. We who
have obligations are not Lords and Ladies,
whose reason to be done with a thing can be
nothing more than that they wish to be done
with it. Only a pampered aristocrat employs
‘wretched issue’ as a Principle of Decision.
Proper government, as we well know, takes
work, and that there is more work in this
wretched issue, you know better than all of
us. For why else does it keep flying back,
except that there is more to it?
Of course, it could be that the people who
keep flinging it back, after it has been flung
away, are witless oafs driven by ignorance.
Ha ha - kidding! I know you better than
to project such a view upon you; you have
not stepped forth to lead the country out
of contempt for those you lead! No, you are
ready to acknowledge (of this I am sure) that
the people calling out for justice - Justice for
the unborn! Reproductive justice! - are not
utter and complete boobs. Each one has some
view of things to which they are committed -
‘ideological views’, some would say, that are
thus entirely unfit to undergird public policy
... which, as a matter of fact, leads straight
into the next instalment of my story.
O ne evening I was relaxing in the
comfort (such as it was) of my
home (such as it is) when several sharp raps
on the door shattered the quiet.
“Is this the Dissenting Fut? Out of there
FUT , you meddler!” These were the words
that roared in as I cracked open the door.
I opened it wider and there before me
was an old college friend, Mr. james
m cfaddingtono ’f laddington.How
did he know? How had he learned of these
letters, and how had he traced them to me?
The jig was up, I thought. But then ... what
was the jig? I was soon to get the lowdown.
“JIMMY, my friend, long has it been since
we have chewed cud together. Come in for a
brew,” I said with trepidation.
“No,” he replied. “I drink with
friends, I drink with foes, but
the presence of fools offends
my nose, thus interfering
greatly with enjoyment of
good drink. We’ll take a walk
first and see if you are fit to
drink with, which I very much
doubt.” And thus it began, our
ramble of discovery.
But how had he learned I had
been writing to you? It was
soon clear, owing to certain
phrases he employed, that he
had actually read the letters.
Was it, I have wondered, one of you who
shared them with him? More than one among
you might well know Jimmy, as the
mcfaddingtono ’fladdingtons are a
prominent family deeply involved in our
nation’s politics. If indeed it was one of you
who took him into your confidence, I hasten
now to thank you, as we had an informative
chat that I will not soon forget. If ever.
It is the mcfaddingtono ’fladding-
tons whom we must carefully listen to,
as the exit from our swamp most certainly
depends on them.
JIMMY counted out the Five Points
of edification he said I was most
in need of, folding each point down one by
one until they formed a fist. Which he then
allowed me to have, in the following manner.
“You think you are Helping, don’t you? You
think this is Helpful to people ... this ...
whatever it is you imagine you are doing.”
“Do you think these MPs need you? They
don’t need you. Their job is to represent their
constituents, not listen to you. Most people in
this country are satisfied with things exactly
the way they are, and the MPs know this.
It’s their job. They know their constituents
and they will cast their vote; they will
represent their constituents. I know that
comes as a shock to you, you noxious pox on
the political process.”
I was shocked indeed by that: a pox on the
process? But I was mystified. How was
communicating with you, as I have done,
interference with our system? I did not
think your minds had to be protected from
discussion, information,
and (the horror) influ-
ence. Goodness knows,
you expose that delicate
organ left and right (to
your in-box, newspapers,
novels, movies, the inter-
net, ...). I hoped the ex-
planation would follow
and, sure enough, it did.
As to the other remark,
about the mind of the
nation, I was somewhat
chagrined. I had no
knowledge that permit-
ted me to claim, as Jimmy had just done,
that ‘most people in this country are
satisfied with things just as they
are ’ - but I was aware that al l the
m cfa dd i ng t ono ’f l a dd i ng t on s
possess such knowledge by heredity. As for my-
self, I knew nothing of what the country thinks
about these matters and I had done nothing
to check, having blown all my time looking
into facts and listening to people who knew
something about what they were speaking of.
Dear Members, how I would like to know
your secret: how do you do it - know what
the country wants, learn the minds of your
constituents?
by this point I was already feeling
a tad deflated and we sat down on
a bench, while Jimmy continued. “You think
you are Hidden behind a veil of neutrality.
You imagine that no one can see what you are
up to, because of your earnest-nerd schtick.
Yes, you have been so supremely clever, with
this ‘gosh-and-golly-wherever-do-I-stand’
routine, that no one, you think, can see what
you are doing.”
No.
5 18 JUNE
2012}}
The DISSEN TING FU TILITARIAN {{
L ET T E R S TO M EMB E R S O F PA R L I A M E N T F R OM A C I T I Z E N O N T H E S U B J E CT O F T H E P R O P O S E D I N V E ST I G AT I O N I N TO O U R H U M A N I T Y
O s a y c a n y o u h e a r ? O r a r e y o u a l o g ? W h a t c o u r s e c a n y o u s t e e r , t o e x i t t h i s b o g ? !