Challenges forMilitary Families By Becca Bettis MA/PSYC Program ManagerThe Soldiers Project Sacramento The Soldiers Project Free, Confidential Psychological Counseling ForMilitary Service Members and Their Loved Ones Website: www.tspsacramento.org Email: [email protected]Local: 916-792-3728 Toll Free: 877-557-5888
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For those families where the “Authoritarian MilitaryStructure” extends into the home, this parenting stylecan work, at least at the elementary school level.
Children rebel against “authoritarian” parenting style
Major problems exist when “Tyrannical” and sometimes“abusive” family behavior is exhibited.
Children blame military for all of their problems….TheyDO NOT have the choices they see other young peoplemaking
An average tour of duty may be three years and movesmay be more frequent.
Children have gone to many schools by the 7th and12th grade. Many have never visited their grandparentshomes. Many have no idea what having contact withkids they knew in elementary school was like.
Everything appears temporary, so the focus is inward…
Us vs. Them. Many military families are seen as“transient” and are often targets of mistrust and hostility.
Parental Characteristics The belief that the child does not have a problem,
but instead is the problem.
The child does not have a need (anxiety, depression,academic issues), but rather is lazy, stupid or screwedup.
Children detach from feelings as they learn that their feelings are of little or negative value.
Responsibility for meeting the emotional needsbecome skewed because parents are either physically not present or emotionally unable toaddress the needs of the child.
Because their parents do not have control over theconstant changes, for many military children themessage is that all control is external.
Life In The Fortress
Characteristics of Secrecy, Stoicism and Denial areshaped by many military families.
What goes on in the family could have disastrousramifications to the military parent’s career. This canlead to the closing down of feelings of resentment,hopelessness, grief and fear that can lead to a
denial of self, rage toward self and others or simplygiving up.
Differences Preschoolers - May revert to younger behaviors, such as,
baby talking and thumb sucking. Reassure child with wordsand extra attention.
Elementary School Age - Whining, complaining, becomeaggressive or otherwise acting out feelings. Give childpermission to talk about their feelings and offer morephysical attention than usual.
Teenagers - May be irritable, rebellious, fight or participatein other attention getting behaviors. Child has a lack of
interest in school, peers and school activities. You shouldencourage them to stay engaged (through sports andsocial activities). Give them permission to express their feelings even if negative and be available to talk with themabout their concerns.