Difficult Conversations - Inspired Engagement · 2.6 3.4 5.2 3.6 3.3 5.4 2016 2017 2018 AVERAGE NUMBER ENCOUNTERS OF INCIVILITY PER WEEK In Person/Offline Online/Social Media 6.2

Productive Conflict

Difficult ConversationsHow to have the conversation you have been

avoiding

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Session Downloads

✓ Session Handout

✓ PPT

✓ References

✓ Session Evaluation

https://inspired-engagement.com/workshop-resources/

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Session Topics

Part 1

• Productive Conflict

• Civility

• Interest Based Dialogue

Part 2

• Crucial Conversations

• Personal Script a Difficult Conversation

Thursday April 9 - 11:00AM

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Productive Conflict

An open exchange of conflicting or differing ideas in which

parties feel equally heard, respected, and unafraid to voice

dissenting opinions for the purpose of reaching a mutually

comfortable resolution.

• Starts with Trust

• Not Personal, Not negative, But Uncomfortable

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Productive Conflict

• Earlier problem identification

• Better problem solving

• Healthier relationships,

morale and commitment

• Improved productivity

• Personal growth and insight

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• Teaches us to listen

• Opportunity to verbalize

needs

• Teaches flexibility

• Opens our eyes to new ideas

• Teaches us patterns of

behavior

• Leads to better solutions

Productive Conflict

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Civility and Collegiality

Incivility is “one or more rude, discourteous,

or disrespectful actions that may or may not

have a negative intent behind them”.

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Why this topic?

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Civility in America 2018: Civility at

Work and in our Public Squares:

93% of Americans report that lack of

civility is a problem in society

69% classified lack of civility as a

major problem

Civility in America 2018: Civility at Work and in our Public Squares. Weber Shadwick and Powell Tate in partnership with KRC Research

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2.63.4

5.2

3.63.3

5.4

2016 2017 2018

AVERAGE NUMBER ENCOUNTERS OF INCIVILITY PER WEEK

In Person/Offline Online/Social Media

6.2 6.7

10.6

Civility in America 2018: Civility at Work and in our Public Squares. Weber Shadwick and Powell Tate in partnership with KRC Research

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Employee Reported Incivility

2008

• 71% - 79% reported encountering issues of incivility

2013

• 98% experienced incivility at work. At least half incivility occurred at least once per week.

Cortina, L. M. (2008). Porath, C., & Pearson, C. (2013).

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National Study on

Faculty to Faculty Incivility

70% of Faculty surveyed perceived

incivility among and between faculty as

a moderate to serious problem

Clark, C. M. (2013) National Study on Faculty to Faculty Incivility. Nurse Educator, 38(3), 98-102

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Clark Workplace Civility Index

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Assume goodwill and think best of others

Include and welcome new and current colleagues

Communicate respectfully (by email, telephone, face to face) and really listen

Avoid gossip and spreading rumors

Keep confidences and respect other’s privacy

Encourage, support, and mentor others

Avoid abusing my position or authority

Use respectful language

Attend meetings, arrive on time, participate, volunteer, and do my share

Avoid distracting others (misusing media, side conversations) during meetings

Avoid taking credit for another individual’s or team’s contribution

Acknowledge others and praise their work/contributions

Take personal responsibility and stand accountable for my actions

Speak directly to the person I have an issue

Share pertinent or important information with others

Uphold the vision, mission and values of the department

Seek and encourage constructive feedback from others

Demonstrate approachability, flexibility, and openness to other points of view

Bring my “A” game and strong work ethic to my workplace

Apologize and mean it when the situation calls for it

How often do you:

1 - never

5 - always

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Clark Workplace Civility Index

• 90 – 100 Very Civil

• 80 – 89 Civil

• 70 – 79 Moderately Civil

• 60 – 69 Minimally Civil

• 50 – 59 Uncivil

• < 50 Very Uncivil

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STRESS INCIVILITY STRESS

CONFLICT

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Practice Civility

• Practice forgiveness

• Express gratitude

• Affirm others

• Listen and be present

• Smile and spread goodwill

• Don’t interrupt

• Avoid making assumptions

• Suspend judgement

• Say please and thank you

• Think before you speak

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P. M. Forni

Co-Founder of the Johns

Hopkins Civility ProjectCynthia Clark

Founder of Civility Matters

Nursing Faculty Emeritus

Christine Porath

Associate Professor McDonough

School of Business

Georgetown University

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Quiz

• The most successful teams have very little conflict.

• The best teams are made up of people who are comfortable

passionately arguing for their ideas.

• No matter what their cultural background and family norms,

people generally feel the same way about conflict—they prefer to

avoid it.

• Understanding team members’ differing experiences with and

feelings about conflict helps a team engage in unfiltered,

productive debates.

True or False

FALSE

TRUE

FALSE

TRUE

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Conflict

• How do you personally perceive conflict?

• Do you view conflict as an opportunity or a threat?

• What is your current approach to conflict?

Violence OR Silence

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Conflict

• is inevitable

• can be managed

• can be productive

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Scenario

You are working closely with one of your colleagues on a

project and at least one of you is required to be present

at a status meeting with the vice presidents every other

week.

You asked your colleague to cover for you in the meeting

at the end of the month because you need to take the

day off.

He said no because the agenda on that day covers a

topic that aligns with your knowledge and expertise and

he has to prepare to cover a different topic in detail at a

meeting on Tuesday, earlier in the week.

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Early Tuesday morning, you receive an e-mail

from him (sent Monday night) indicating that he is

taking a sick day and will not be able to be at the

Tuesday meeting so you will need to cover for

him.

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If this scenario were true

how would it make you feel?

A. Generous, hopeful, confident

B. Angry, frustrated, spiteful

C. Sad, concerned, anxious

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What if you looked through the lens of

CURIOSITY?

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High Stakes

Crucial

Conversations

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Interest-based

Conflict Resolution

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Interests vs Positional Conflict

• Positional

– One solution

– Divide the pie / Zero-sum Game

• Interest-based

– Multiple solutions based on mutual interests

– Grow the pie

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Adversarial Assumptions

➢For me to win, you must loose

– Therefore we compete

➢To help you is a sign of my weakness and will hurt me

➢My power comes from opposing, criticizing, and

beating you

Ignores the value of relationship

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Interest-based Problem-Solving Assumptions

➢All parties have the right to exist

➢All parties have legitimate interests

➢Dialogue can enhance relationship

➢Solutions are durable

➢Mutual gain is possible

Values relationship

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Interests

• Concerns

• Wants

• Needs

• Desires

• Fears

Tell us why solving the problem is important

Relative to a problem or issue, which

can be solved or resolved by a

variety of solutions some of which will

be acceptable to both parties

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Elements of Negotiation

POWER RIGHTS INTERESTS

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POWER RIGHTS INTERESTS

Resources

RequiredUsually high

Time, Money, Stress

Generally Costly

Time, Money, StressTime and Talent

Outcome

SatisfactionOne sided:

One winner, One loser

Mixed:

Not satisfied to highly

satisfied

Both interests must be

satisfied or no

agreement

ComplianceAs long as power is

applied

Until a better

opportunity presents

itself

Very durable

Quality of

RelationshipOften destroys Oneupmanship

Strengthens

Mutual respect

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Interest-based Problem Solving

Adversaries

Advocates for Interests

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BATNA = Power

• Best

• Alternative

• To a

• Negotiated

• Agreement

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Interest-based Principles

Separate the People from the Problem

Focus on Interests, not Positions

Generate Multiple Options

Evaluate by Objective Criteria & Interests

Accept Outcome if Superior to BATNA

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Barriers?

• Single answers

• Assuming a fixed pie

• Their problem is theirs

• Failing to get information

• Too much emotion

• Jumping to conclusions

• Staying in the box

• Fear of risk

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What could be the interests?

A. Your life partner wants to move to Oregon.

B. An employee wants to work some of their accountability

virtually from home.

C. A union wants a 3 percent across-the-board wage

increase in collective bargaining or meet and confer.

D. An instructor wants to move testing to an online platform

and allow students to take the exam off site.

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Share Your Outcomes, Needs, Agenda

• Motive and Intent

– Start with heart

– What do you want? What do you NOT want?

• “Crisp” message

– Clear

– Brief

– Impact/reason

– Care personally/challenge directly

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Radical

Candor

Care Personally

Challenge

Directly

Obnoxious

Aggression

Ruinous

Empathy

Manipulative

Insincerity

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Session Topics

Part 2

• Crucial Conversations

• Personal Script a Difficult Conversation

Thursday April 9 - 11:00AM

Crucial

Conversations

High Stakes

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Because no matter how hard a conversation is, I know that on the other side of that difficult conversation lies peace. Knowledge. An answer is delivered. Character is revealed. Truces are formed. Misunderstandings are resolved.

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References, Handout, PowerPoint, Feedback

https://inspired-engagement.com/workshop-resources/

[email protected]

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