Difficult Conversations in the Workplace · Negotiations Conciliation Mediation Arbitration s Low Intensity High Intensity Decisions made by Parties By 3rd Parties By authoritative

May 31st, 2018

Presenter:

Maurice Fritze

CONFLICT

Conflict - Maurice Fritze


Today:

What is conflict?

Who am I in conflict?

What skills are needed?

Let’s have that challenging conversation.


Conflict management is the

principle that all conflicts

cannot necessarily be resolved,

but learning how to manage

conflicts can decrease the odds

of nonproductive escalation.

Is there any evidence society is moving towards

a just society?

Personal responsibility for resolving conflict

Conflict resolution as professional development

Books on mediation, conflict resolution

Role of mediation in courts

Community mediation

Dispute resolution policies


1. Don’t react2. Don’t decide

3. Tune into the other person

4. Ask problem-solving

questions

5. Summarize or paraphrase

6. Take time to thinkConflict - Maurice Fritze

Quintessentially Canadian

can-do attitude

A conviction that every problem has a

solution if people would just be

reasonable.

Describe the attributes of a good

conflict resolver

POWERBenefits Disadvantages

Clear winner and loser Negative

peace/retaliation

Often expedient Lack of satisfaction

Power resources usually

easy to identify

May lead to violence

No positive expression

of concerns


RIGHTSBenefits Disadvantages

Clear rules for

engagement

Emotional issues and

interests not allowed

Specific requirements for

evidence

Usually expensive and

time consuming

Law is the same for

everyone

Decisions are made by

judges or juries

Process may be open to

the public and people

can be represented by

lawyers

Quality of

representation may

affect the outcome.

Precedents are set Law may prohibit

creative solutions


INTERESTSBenefits Disadvantages

Open to exploring feelings May have little or no public

scrutiny

Decision-making belongs to the

parties

Lack of consistency in outcome

May be more expedient than

litigation and less costly

May deter the establishment of

precedents.

Not limited to precedence or

conventional approaches

Some may not be able to

negotiate effectively and may be

better served by representation

Solutions can be unique to the

parties

Private justice instead of public


Agreement on your terms =

Conquest

Agreement on their terms =

Capitulation

Consensus agreement =

Collaboration [win/win]

Assertiveness demands that your

rights be balanced with those of

others

Aggressiveness means your rights

have been served at the expense of

other’s

Passivity means that you have

surrendered your rights to those of

others.

The Mantra

You are not the problem

They are not the problem

Although it often seems that way

The problem is the problem

So what is the problem?



Layers of Conflict

DISPUTE

The surface layer of conflict [what shows

up]

UNDERLYING CONFLICT

Values and motivations affected

by the dispute [requires digging]

DEEP-ROOTED/IDENTITY BASED CONFLICT

Deep-seated barriers to resolution

[complex, unknown origin]


Continuum of Conflict

Co

nflict A

void

ance

Info

rmal D

iscussio

n

Neg

otiatio

ns

Co

nciliatio

n

Med

iation

Arb

itration

Jud

icial Decisio

ns

Low Intensity High

Intensity

Decisions made by Parties By 3rd

Parties

By

authoritative

3rd Parties

COLLABORATIVE APPROACHES ADVERSARIAL APPROACHES

CONTROL BY PARTIES [OUTCOME] NO CONTROL BY PARTIES

Leg

islation

The Principle of Separate Realities

Expect people to be different,

think differently, remember

differently, have different values.

Just as there are vast differences between cultures, countries and

languages, there are vast differences between humans. Think

chopsticks vs forks and knives.

When we expect to see things differently, when we take it as a

given that others will do things differently and react differently to

the same stimuli, the understanding we have for others rises

dramatically.

The moment we expect otherwise, the potential for conflict

exists.


Questions provide an

effective thermostat that

gives an immediate

indication of

communication success.

“I speak two languages, Body and English.”

Mae West

Active Listening [making it real]

• Demonstrates interest and respect

• De-escalates conflict

• Lowers emotional temperature

• Promotes discussion and problem

solving

• Helps verify understanding and intent

• Makes the other person feel heard


QuestionsQuestions inform the speaker that you are listening and

that you need more from her/him. Questions create

improved listening opportunities.

Open questions

Closed questions

Probing question

Consequential questions


Why shouldn’t you give advice

or tell people what to do?

It robs them of

Autonomy

Mastery

Purpose



Position

1. One party’s solution to an issue

2. Makes demands

3. Contains the solution

4. A single acceptable outcome

5. Directive [you must or I will]

6. No flexibility


Interests

1. One party’s concerns, hopes,

expectations, fears, values,

needs, beliefs, priorities or

assumptions

2. No solution to the issue

3. Non-directive

Problem Solving

▪ Set the stage: purpose of meeting,

ground rules.

▪ Begin with the Third Story.

▪ Listen to the other person’s perspective.

▪ Communicate clearly.

▪ Define the problem.

▪ Brainstorm options.

▪ Evaluate options.

▪ Develop a solution.


Wrap up

Key learning?

Evaluation

End of seminar© Maurice Fritze

2010 - 2018


Difficult Conversations in the Workplace · Negotiations Conciliation Mediation Arbitration s Low Intensity High Intensity Decisions made by Parties By 3rd Parties By authoritative

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