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Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project
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Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Dec 18, 2015

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Page 1: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Dialogue RetreatBoston Theological Institute

Religion and Conflict Transformation Program

Robert Stains

Public Conversations Project

Page 2: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Today

Welcome, intro to day and dialogue

Exercise: Beginnings

Sharing objects

Exercise: Questions for persuading or eliciting

Presentation: Identity, threat, inquiry and dialogue

Exercise: Questions in service of the asked

Lunch

Preparatory interviews

Dialogue practice and debrief; Q and A

Closing

Page 3: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Beginning questions

In Pairs:

1. What is something of interest to you, or that energizes you, that others here might not know about you?

2. What expertise or life experience are you bringing with you today that might be useful for others to know?

 

Page 4: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Questions for beginnings

Evoke curiosity

Invite personal connection

Elicit competence

Reduce anxiety

Raise energy

Get the body involved

Page 5: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Object and what it represents about your faith path

Speak for up to one (1) minute

Person to speaker’s left times with watch

Pass watch to speaker when time ends

Pause a beat between speakers

And so on around the circle

No commenting on others’ speaking

At conclusion, place your object on the table if you wish to

Page 6: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Core Premises• We need community to get things done

• We need relationships to create and maintain community

• We need conversation to create and maintain relationships

• The quality of conversation drives the quality of relationship

• “Stuck”, destructive conversations have self-sustaining properties.

• Relationships shift when the content and process of conversations shift.

Page 7: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Emotional Dysregulation

Triggering

Vigilance

Attack/Defend

Patterns/cycles

Page 8: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Cycle of Defensive Response

Trigger

Vigilance

Attack/DefendTrigger

Vigilance

Attack/Defend

Page 9: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

What Helps“Mindsight” (Siegel)–Reflection, Attention, Intention

Prevent destructive loops via preparation and structure

Invite and amplify positive deviations

Develop “Islands of Reflection”

Shape conversational environments

Notice, name, discern, choose

Inquiry

Page 10: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Dialogue

Purpose: better communication for mutual understanding.

Not: debate; problem-solving; education

Effected by:Reflection on one’s own and others’ perspectivesShared agreements that guide the conversationStructured exchanges that prevent old patterns and

enhance speaking and listeningOpportunity to explore genuine interest in the other

Page 11: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.
Page 12: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Questions for Persuasion or Understanding

Pair up

Round one:

Speaker 1: something you believe is true: one sentence

Asker: ask questions to persuade the speaker otherwise (2 min.)

Switch roles and repeat with Speaker 2

Page 13: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Round Two

Speaker One: say something you believe is true again

Asker: ask questions to understand speaker’s perspective, thinking, feeling, choosing, etc. 2 Min.

Switch roles and repeat with Speaker 2

Return to circle

Page 14: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Debrief

What was going on for you –as asker or listener- in each condition: persuasion and understanding?

What did each kind of asking evoke?

Was there a question that stood out as particularly useful?

Page 15: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Keep in mind

Intention and Impact: “Mind the gap”

Attention gives life

Potentially problematic questions:AttributiveProblem and past-focusedKnowing, distant, instructiveRhetorical or pseudo“Why?” questions

Page 16: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

16Questions to shift conversation

In advance; to prepare to bring “best self”

To help notice what goes unnoticed/unrecognized: meanings, capacities, personal and shared history, choices

To develop fresh perspectives: time, value, relationship

Elicit hope not fear

Page 17: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Questions and Contexts

Before a first session

Between sessions

Questions to all in a group

Questions to individuals alone and together

Questions parties ask one another

Asynchronous questions

Page 18: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Questions to advance reflection

History and context

Hopes and concerns

Effects of conflict

Positive experiences

Ideas for change

Page 19: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Questions in service of the asked

By yourself: a dilemma

Headline, if you wish; state the dilemmaWhy it’s a dilemma for youMinimum essential factsSpecific example

Groups of 4Time-keeper

Page 20: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

In your groups

Speaker speaks: 3 min. Headline, if you wish; state the dilemma Why it’s a dilemma for you Minimum essential facts Specific example

Listeners ask, scribe writes: 3 min.

Speaker tells effects of questions: 3 min.

Repeat X3

Debrief as group: 5 min.

Return to circle

Page 21: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Process

Purpose

People

Prevent

Promote

Prepare

Plan

Page 22: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

22

Preparation Planning Worksheet

Individual Interpersonal Tools

Prevent

Promote

Page 23: Dialogue Retreat Boston Theological Institute Religion and Conflict Transformation Program Robert Stains Public Conversations Project.

Creating the space for dialogue

•Pre-meeting connection•Pre-dialogue meal•Seating: circle, pro/con•Agreements•Questions to all•Responses within a structure•Questions of one another•Questions to close and transition