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Developmental Developmental Psychology Psychology Chapter 4 Chapter 4 From Birth to Death Life From Birth to Death Life Span Development Span Development
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Developmental Psychology

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Developmental Psychology. Chapter 4 From Birth to Death Life Span Development. IX. Developmental Psychology (7–9%). Life-Span Approach Research Methods (e.g., longitudinal, cross-sectional) Heredity-Environment Issues- Nature vs. Nurture Developmental Theories- Piaget, Freud, Erikson, - PowerPoint PPT Presentation
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Page 1: Developmental Psychology

Developmental Developmental PsychologyPsychology

Chapter 4Chapter 4From Birth to Death Life Span From Birth to Death Life Span

DevelopmentDevelopment

Page 2: Developmental Psychology

IX. Developmental Psychology IX. Developmental Psychology (7–9%)(7–9%)

Life-Span Approach Life-Span Approach Research Methods (e.g., longitudinal, cross-Research Methods (e.g., longitudinal, cross-

sectional) sectional) Heredity-Environment Issues- Nature vs. Nurture Heredity-Environment Issues- Nature vs. Nurture Developmental Theories- Piaget, Freud, Erikson, Developmental Theories- Piaget, Freud, Erikson, Dimensions of Development: Dimensions of Development:

Physical Physical Cognitive- PiagetCognitive- Piaget Social Social Moral-Kohlberg, GilliganMoral-Kohlberg, Gilligan

Sex Roles, Sex Differences Sex Roles, Sex Differences

Page 3: Developmental Psychology

Postpartum DepressionPostpartum Depression

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0004481/

Page 4: Developmental Psychology

Erik EriksonErik Erikson Personality theoristPersonality theorist Student of FreudStudent of Freud Built on Freud, found that Built on Freud, found that Early childhood important for development Early childhood important for development

of personality (of personality (Life Span approachLife Span approach)) Supported structure of the Supported structure of the ID, Ego and ID, Ego and

Superego- unconscious drivesSuperego- unconscious drives Believed that the main theme in life was Believed that the main theme in life was

quest for identityquest for identity

Page 5: Developmental Psychology
Page 6: Developmental Psychology

Erikson and Identity FormationErikson and Identity Formation Identity is the major core of personalityIdentity is the major core of personality Identity Identity is: a stable image of the relation is: a stable image of the relation

between the between the self self and the social world.and the social world. Major psychological events (Major psychological events (DilemmasDilemmas) )

occur in typical life and can be anticipated.occur in typical life and can be anticipated.“We all face “We all face predictable predictable psychological psychological conflicts as we develop.”conflicts as we develop.”

Identity Formation is a life long processIdentity Formation is a life long process Has 8 stagesHas 8 stages One built on the otherOne built on the other

Page 7: Developmental Psychology

Erikson 8 StagesErikson 8 Stages

Each stage has a main a Each stage has a main a developmental developmental task task and some and some developmental milestones developmental milestones that must be accomplished to progress.that must be accomplished to progress.

Crisis and conflicts Crisis and conflicts are inherent in each are inherent in each stagestage

Each stage has demands and possibilitiesEach stage has demands and possibilities

Page 8: Developmental Psychology

Erikson StagesErikson Stages Stage One: first year Stage One: first year Trust vs. Mistrust Trust vs. Mistrust (secure and (secure and

insecure attachments)insecure attachments) Stage Two: 1-3 years Stage Two: 1-3 years Autonomy vs. shame + doubt Autonomy vs. shame + doubt Stage three: 3-5 years Stage three: 3-5 years Initiative vs. guiltInitiative vs. guilt Stage four: 6- 12 years Stage four: 6- 12 years Industry vs. Inferiority Industry vs. Inferiority or or

Adequacy vs. InadequacyAdequacy vs. Inadequacy Stage five: Adolescence: Stage five: Adolescence: Identity vs. Role ConfusionIdentity vs. Role Confusion Stage six: Young Adulthood: Stage six: Young Adulthood: Intimacy vs. IsolationIntimacy vs. Isolation Stage seven: Middle Adulthood: Stage seven: Middle Adulthood: Generative vs. Generative vs.

StagnationStagnation Stage 8: Late Adulthood: Stage 8: Late Adulthood: Integrity vs. DespairIntegrity vs. Despair

Page 9: Developmental Psychology

Adolescence Adolescence Identity vs. Role ConfusionIdentity vs. Role Confusion

Turbulent period, culturally definedTurbulent period, culturally defined Between childhood and AdulthoodBetween childhood and Adulthood Physical Development-Physical Development-

PubertyPuberty Sexual MaturationSexual Maturation

Developmentally- adolescents are questioning:Developmentally- adolescents are questioning:• AttitudesAttitudes• ““Who am I”Who am I”• Sometimes there is role confusionSometimes there is role confusion• Conflicting roles: student, friend, athlete, worker, Conflicting roles: student, friend, athlete, worker,

son…son…

Page 10: Developmental Psychology

Adolescent- high emotion Adolescent- high emotion “Romeo and Juliet syndrome”“Romeo and Juliet syndrome”

Rousseau suggests three features:Rousseau suggests three features: Instability and emotional conflict-caused by Instability and emotional conflict-caused by

biological maturity biological maturity ““He becomes deaf to the voice he used to He becomes deaf to the voice he used to

obey…he is a lion in a fervor, obey…he is a lion in a fervor, He distrusts his keeper and refuses to be He distrusts his keeper and refuses to be

controlled.”controlled.”

Page 11: Developmental Psychology

Diversity of Identity:Diversity of Identity:Adolescents have multiple identities.Adolescents have multiple identities.

Ethnic IdentityEthnic Identity

Page 12: Developmental Psychology

Puberty-Biological EventPuberty-Biological Event Girls- 9-12 years old, beginGirls- 9-12 years old, begin Boys- 11-14 yearsBoys- 11-14 years Hormonal changesHormonal changes

Cause rapid physical and sexual maturityCause rapid physical and sexual maturity Immature- social experience, intellectual and Immature- social experience, intellectual and

knowledgeknowledge

Identity Formation-Identity Formation- puberty- “Time to begin a puberty- “Time to begin a new self image”new self image”

Page 13: Developmental Psychology

Adolescence transitionAdolescence transition

Adulthood transition- Adulthood transition- Responsibility for oneselfResponsibility for oneself Independent decisionsIndependent decisions Financial independenceFinancial independence

Page 14: Developmental Psychology

Early Maturing GirlsEarly Maturing Girls

May force premature identity formationMay force premature identity formation Treated as an adult too earlyTreated as an adult too early Creates distorted sense of selfCreates distorted sense of self

Date soonerDate sooner More independentMore independent More active in schoolMore active in school In trouble at schoolIn trouble at school Early sex experiencesEarly sex experiences

Page 15: Developmental Psychology

Early and Late MaturationEarly and Late Maturation

Bodily awareness concerns Bodily awareness concerns Timing of pubertyTiming of puberty may cause may cause

dissatisfaction over bodydissatisfaction over body Early maturation for boys is seen positive Early maturation for boys is seen positive

in society (seen as athletic, self in society (seen as athletic, self assured…)assured…)

Girls seen as less prestigeGirls seen as less prestige Poor self image.. (not in middle school)Poor self image.. (not in middle school)

Page 16: Developmental Psychology

Problems of ChildhoodProblems of Childhood Normal ProblemsNormal Problems

OverprotectionOverprotection Sibling RivalrySibling Rivalry Childhood RebellionChildhood Rebellion DivorceDivorce

Serious ProblemsSerious Problems AutismAutism Toilet Training Toilet Training

disturbancesdisturbances Feeding DisturbancesFeeding Disturbances

• OvereatingOvereating• Anorexia NervousaAnorexia Nervousa• PicaPica

Speech DisturbancesSpeech Disturbances• Delayed speechDelayed speech• Telegraphic speechTelegraphic speech• StutteringStuttering

Learning DisordersLearning Disorders• DyslexiaDyslexia• ADHDADHD

Conduct DisordersConduct Disorders

Page 17: Developmental Psychology

AutismAutism

Behaviors: Behaviors: Temper tantrums- Temper tantrums- Parroting back = EcholaliaParroting back = Echolalia Repetitive Actions- Repetitive Actions- rocking, flapping armsrocking, flapping arms Sensory blocking- Sensory blocking- non responsesnon responses Sensory spinout- Sensory spinout- watching faucet dripwatching faucet drip

Page 18: Developmental Psychology

Causes of AutismCauses of Autism Congenital defects in brainCongenital defects in brain Symptoms occur before year 1 oldSymptoms occur before year 1 old Brains are larger than normalBrains are larger than normal 25% approach normalcy25% approach normalcy

Treatment helps- behavior modificationTreatment helps- behavior modification Ivar LovaasIvar Lovaas is a pioneer in the fieldis a pioneer in the field

Shaped behavior through rewards and Shaped behavior through rewards and punishmentpunishment

Page 19: Developmental Psychology

Autism: “Rain Man”Autism: “Rain Man” Children in own thoughtsChildren in own thoughts FantasiesFantasies Private impulsesPrivate impulses Extreme isolationExtreme isolation Affects 1 in 2500Affects 1 in 2500 4 times more boys than girls4 times more boys than girls No interest in other peopleNo interest in other people Not affectionateNot affectionate

Page 20: Developmental Psychology

Child Abuse:Child Abuse: Defined-Defined- physical or emotional physical or emotional harm caused by violence mistreatment or neglectharm caused by violence mistreatment or neglect

Widespread- 3.5-14% abused by parents- Widespread- 3.5-14% abused by parents- 2million children physically abused in 2million children physically abused in US/year US/year

Parents have high level of stress- causes Parents have high level of stress- causes more abusemore abuse

Page 21: Developmental Psychology

Parents and TeensParents and TeensDavid Elkind (researcher)David Elkind (researcher)

Hurried Adulthood- Hurried Adulthood- parents push kids too muchparents push kids too much Causes too much stressCauses too much stress

Parents affect Identity Parents affect Identity Formation: sometimes Formation: sometimes creates- conflictcreates- conflict Dating, sex, substance abuse, freedomDating, sex, substance abuse, freedom

ParentsParents should be authoritative- don’t give in or should be authoritative- don’t give in or give upgive up

Page 22: Developmental Psychology

Adolescent Adolescent PerceptionsPerceptionsElkindElkind

Imaginary Audiences: Imaginary Audiences: teens are teens are preoccupied by imagining audiences-preoccupied by imagining audiences- Concerned that they are being watchedConcerned that they are being watched Affects behaviorAffects behavior Kids try to control outside impressionsKids try to control outside impressions

Page 23: Developmental Psychology

Adolescents and Peer GroupAdolescents and Peer Group Peer group- Peer group-

People who share similar People who share similar StatusStatus Security-identitySecurity-identity Social NetworkSocial Network

During adolescence there is During adolescence there is increased increased identification with peer groupidentification with peer group

ConformityConformity peaks- peaks- Group pressure can shut down personal growthGroup pressure can shut down personal growth

Page 24: Developmental Psychology

Foreclosure:Foreclosure:

Close identification with a peer group and Close identification with a peer group and or conformity can or conformity can Shut Down personal Shut Down personal GrowthGrowth = Foreclosure = Foreclosure

Page 25: Developmental Psychology

Is it ok to loot during a riot?Is it ok to loot during a riot?

Page 26: Developmental Psychology

KohlbergKohlberg Link to good web site Kohlberg, who was born in 1927, grew up in Bronxville, New

York, and attended the Andover Academy in Massachusetts, a private high school for bright and usually wealthy students. He did not go immediately to college, but instead went to help the Israeli cause, in which he was made the Second Engineer on an old freighter carrying refugees from parts of Europe to Israel.

After this, in 1948, he enrolled at the University of Chicago, where he scored so high on admission tests that he had to take only a few courses to earn his bachelor's degree. This he did in one year. He stayed on at Chicago for graduate work in psychology, at first thinking he would become a clinical psychologist.

However, he soon became interested in Piaget and began interviewing children and adolescents on moral issues. The result was his doctoral dissertation (1958a), the first rendition of his new stage theory.

Page 27: Developmental Psychology

KohlbergKohlbergEssential Question:

“How does the amoral infant become capable of moral reasoning?”Built on the work of Piaget

Kohlberg said the ability to make moral judgments develops in a predictable way during childhood. “The child can internalize the moral values of his parents and culture and make them his own as he comes to relate these values to a comprehended social order and to his own goals as social self.” Dependent on Intellectual ability  Moral Reasoning Progresses through three broad levels during childhood and adolescence each has 2 stagesEach stage has a uniquely different kind of moral thinking.

Page 28: Developmental Psychology

Lawrence KohlbergLawrence Kohlberg Said that moral thinking is an advanced Said that moral thinking is an advanced

cognitivecognitive skill skill He posed the “Heinz Dilemma”He posed the “Heinz Dilemma” In wich a question is posed: In wich a question is posed: Should a man steal a drug to save his wife Should a man steal a drug to save his wife

from cancer?from cancer? Kohlberg found reasons people give for moral Kohlberg found reasons people give for moral

choices change systematically with time.choices change systematically with time.

Page 29: Developmental Psychology

Kohlberg Kohlberg Moral DevelopmentMoral Development

Questions of conscienceQuestions of conscience solidifies during solidifies during adolescenceadolescence

Kohlberg-Kohlberg- said- we learn moral values through said- we learn moral values through thinkingthinking and and reasoningreasoning

Moral thinking occurs because of complex analysis of both

1. Moral obligations to individuals 2. Moral obligations between social groups.

Found- 3 levels of moral development based on Found- 3 levels of moral development based on reasoningreasoning

Page 30: Developmental Psychology

Pre-Conventional Children Under age 9Pre-Conventional Children Under age 9

Stages 1-2 Moral Stages 1-2 Moral thinkingthinking result of result of consequences consequences

SelfishSelfish Reasoning is NOT based on conventions or rules Reasoning is NOT based on conventions or rules

of societyof society People are concerned with avoiding punishmentPeople are concerned with avoiding punishment Following rules only when it is to their advantage.Following rules only when it is to their advantage. Children judge actions in the light of their own

wants and fears Not social thinking Punishments and rewardsPunishments and rewards Exchange of favorsExchange of favors

Page 31: Developmental Psychology

Conventional Reasoning ages Conventional Reasoning ages 8-198-19

Stage 3-4Stage 3-4 People are concerned about other peoplePeople are concerned about other people Morality is about following rules and Morality is about following rules and

conventionsconventions To please othersTo please others

Duty to familyDuty to family Duty to marriage vowsDuty to marriage vows Duty to countryDuty to country To maintain order in societyTo maintain order in society

Page 32: Developmental Psychology

Post Conventional ReasoningPost Conventional Reasoning Young adulthood Young adulthood After conventional reasoningAfter conventional reasoning Moral judgment is based on personal standards Moral judgment is based on personal standards It is more It is more AbstractAbstract based on universal principles of based on universal principles of

Justice/Equality and respect for human lifeJustice/Equality and respect for human life Not demands of authority figures or societyNot demands of authority figures or society Rules are arbitraryRules are arbitrary Believe individual rights can sometimes justify Believe individual rights can sometimes justify

violating these laws violating these laws especially if these laws especially if these laws become destructive.become destructive.

Page 33: Developmental Psychology
Page 34: Developmental Psychology

Kohlberg-6 StagesKohlberg-6 Stages People advance through stages differently many People advance through stages differently many

don’t reach the end.don’t reach the end.

Stage 1-2 (Stage 1-2 (Pre-conventionalPre-conventional)) young children and young children and delinquents delinquents

Stage 3-4 Stage 3-4 (Conventional) (Conventional) group oriented moralsgroup oriented morals Older children and most adultsOlder children and most adults

Stage 5-6 (Stage 5-6 (Post Conventional) Post Conventional) Self directed Self directed morals- higher principlesmorals- higher principles 20% of Adult population20% of Adult population Higher principlesHigher principles

Page 35: Developmental Psychology

Gilligan Moral Gilligan Moral DevelopmentDevelopment

CAROL GILLIGAN CAROL GILLIGAN Link1936-Current1936-Current

She is currently a Professor at the Harvard Graduate School of She is currently a Professor at the Harvard Graduate School of Education and a principle investigator on numerous studies of girls' Education and a principle investigator on numerous studies of girls' and women's development. and women's development.

In 1970, Gilligan was a research assistant for In 1970, Gilligan was a research assistant for Lawrence Kohlberg. Lawrence Kohlberg. In In outrage and despair of the lack of attention given to women and girls outrage and despair of the lack of attention given to women and girls in psychological research, she began to study and research women's in psychological research, she began to study and research women's development. development.

During the past 20 years, Gilligan has contributed to research on During the past 20 years, Gilligan has contributed to research on adolescence, moral reasoning, and conflict resolution. She is best adolescence, moral reasoning, and conflict resolution. She is best known for her book called known for her book called In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women's Developmentand Women's Development. .

Page 36: Developmental Psychology

FemalesFemales Moral ideal is to Moral ideal is to

protect enduring protect enduring relationshipsrelationships

To fulfill human needsTo fulfill human needs ½ of women respond ½ of women respond

to justice to justice The other half were The other half were

focused on caringfocused on caring

Page 37: Developmental Psychology

Gilligan Gilligan Gender and MoralityGender and Morality Femailes Femailes Justice or caringJustice or caring Found that caring about others or concern for Found that caring about others or concern for

others = moral developmentothers = moral development

Boys look for justiceBoys look for justice Girls look for solution for all partiesGirls look for solution for all parties

Males lag in achieving moral development <they are not that caring>

Best moral choices combine Justice and Caring.

Page 38: Developmental Psychology

Moral Reasoning can be Moral Reasoning can be EncouragedEncouraged

1.1. Consistent modeling of moral reasoning Consistent modeling of moral reasoning and behaviors by parents an peersand behaviors by parents an peers

2.2. Real life experiences with moral issuesReal life experiences with moral issues3.3. Situational factors that support moral Situational factors that support moral

actionsactions

Page 39: Developmental Psychology

Outline Both Gould and LevinsonOutline Both Gould and Levinsonand compare to Eriksonand compare to Erikson

GouldGould Adolescent – middle Adolescent – middle

ageage

LevinsonLevinson Adolescent to late Adolescent to late

adult ageadult age

Page 40: Developmental Psychology

Roger Gould Development PatternsRoger Gould Development Patterns ““I started my academic psychiatric career as the I started my academic psychiatric career as the

head of the U.C.L.A. outpatient and community head of the U.C.L.A. outpatient and community psychiatry department. psychiatry department.

That’s where my lifelong focus on normal adult That’s where my lifelong focus on normal adult development began. I have written papers and development began. I have written papers and textbook chapters as well as a book for the textbook chapters as well as a book for the general public (Transformations, Growth and general public (Transformations, Growth and Change in Adult Life) based on research that I Change in Adult Life) based on research that I and my colleagues did on the predictable and my colleagues did on the predictable sequence of changing patterns and sequence of changing patterns and preoccupations during the adult years.”preoccupations during the adult years.”

Page 41: Developmental Psychology

Gould’s Adult Development Gould’s Adult Development PatternsPatterns

Age 16-18 Age 16-18 Escape from dominanceEscape from dominance Escape from parentsEscape from parents

Age 18-22 Age 18-22 Leaving the familyLeaving the family Finding substitutes for family- closer relationshipsFinding substitutes for family- closer relationships

Age 22-28 Age 22-28 Building a workable lifeBuilding a workable life Seeking competence <accomplishment>Seeking competence <accomplishment> Reaching out to others <intimacy>Reaching out to others <intimacy> TogethernessTogetherness

Ages 29-34 Ages 29-34 Crisis of questionsCrisis of questions Minor life crisisMinor life crisis Serious questioning of what life is all aboutSerious questioning of what life is all about Is this it?Is this it? Confidence waiversConfidence waivers Extra marital affairs + divorce occur commonlyExtra marital affairs + divorce occur commonly

Page 42: Developmental Psychology

Gould ContinuedGould Continued Age 35-43 Age 35-43 Crisis of UrgencyCrisis of Urgency

Realization of reality of deathRealization of reality of death Only limited yearsOnly limited years More desire for success – goals/careerMore desire for success – goals/career Generativity-Generativity- (the desire to leave a legacy) (the desire to leave a legacy)

• Nurturing, teaching, serving others- helps Nurturing, teaching, serving others- helps alleviatealleviate Age 43-50 Age 43-50 Attaining StabilityAttaining Stability

Calm acceptance of FateCalm acceptance of Fate ““The die is cast.”The die is cast.” Appreciation of familyAppreciation of family

Age 50 and up Age 50 and up MellowingMellowing Savor lifeSavor life Les concern for glamour, wealth, accomplishment, Les concern for glamour, wealth, accomplishment,

abstract growthabstract growth

Page 43: Developmental Psychology

LevinsonLevinson: Midlife Crisis: Midlife Crisis 5 periods of transition5 periods of transition People in these periods express concerns People in these periods express concerns

about identity, work and relationshipsabout identity, work and relationships

Begins ages 35-50Begins ages 35-50

Instability, anxiety, change Instability, anxiety, change Last chance to achieve goalsLast chance to achieve goals

Page 44: Developmental Psychology

Midlife BasicsMidlife Basics

MenopauseMenopause Hormone depletionHormone depletion

EstrogenEstrogen drops drops Causes fatigue, hot flashes, anxiety, Causes fatigue, hot flashes, anxiety,

irritability, depression irritability, depression

Andropause- reduction of testosteroneAndropause- reduction of testosterone ““Empty nest”Empty nest”

Page 45: Developmental Psychology

6 elements of Well-being during 6 elements of Well-being during AdulthoodAdulthood

Self Acceptance Self Acceptance Positive Relations with othersPositive Relations with others Autonomy (personal freedom)Autonomy (personal freedom) Environmental masteryEnvironmental mastery A purpose in lifeA purpose in life Continued personal growthContinued personal growth

Page 46: Developmental Psychology

Kubler-Ross Death and DyingKubler-Ross Death and Dying Web site: Pioneered methods in the support and counseling of personal Pioneered methods in the support and counseling of personal

trauma, grief and grieving, associated with death and dying. trauma, grief and grieving, associated with death and dying. Typical Reactions to impending death Thanatologist- one who studies death

She also dramatically improved the understanding and She also dramatically improved the understanding and practices in relation to bereavement and practices in relation to bereavement and hospicehospice care. care.

five stages of grief model ((denial, anger, bargaining, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance)depression, acceptance), are also transferable to personal , are also transferable to personal change and emotional upset resulting from factors other than change and emotional upset resulting from factors other than death and dying. death and dying.

Page 47: Developmental Psychology

Kubler-Ross: Implications:

Knowing the pattern –recognize what people are going through-

Help cope with meaning and death Relatives may feel these same emotions Dying person need to share feelings and

discuss with others.

Page 48: Developmental Psychology

Bereavement and Grieving Bereavement and Grieving Found 5 basic reactions to death  1. Denial + Isolation “It’s All a Mistake”2. Anger “Why Me?3. Bargaining (Praying) “I’ll do anything”4. Depression Feelings of Futility, Exhaustion,

Sadness5. Acceptance Calmly at peace with inevitable

Seek silent companionship

Page 49: Developmental Psychology

How should relatives, friends act around someone who is dying?

Be yourself and relate person to person. Be ready to listen again and again Be respectful Be aware of feelings and none verbal cues Be comfortable with silence Be genuine Be there

Page 50: Developmental Psychology

Bereavement & Grief Bereavement & Grief (both natural and normal)(both natural and normal)

BereavementBereavement is the feelings of loss of is the feelings of loss of a friend or relative to death.a friend or relative to death.

Grief-Grief- intense sorrow and intense sorrow and distressdistress

Brings on feelings of being Vulnerable, Worthless, Brings on feelings of being Vulnerable, Worthless, Life changing views of world or futureLife changing views of world or future

Page 51: Developmental Psychology

Grief Pattern:1. Period of shock= emotional numbness (denial)Problem accepting reality of lossShort term usually ends by time of the funeral 

2. Grief pangs –Painfully yearning for dead personAnguish-AngerWish to have dead person backThoughts/Think the dead person is still aliveHear voicesSee dead person in dreamsEmotion Agitated distressEmotional despair

3. Apathy (listlessness)Dejection- deep demoralizationDepression- deep despondencyFeeling a gap that cannot be fulfilledLife loses meaningSense of futility 

4. Little by LittleAcceptance begins Feeling of new beginningPangs of Grief still appearMemories – painful but happy tooPeople begin to move toward resolution (1 year)2-3 years before grief is fully resolved

Page 52: Developmental Psychology

Coping with Grief: Acknowledges and accept that the person is gone  Face the loss directly and do not isolate yourself  Discuss you feelings with relatives and friends  Do not block out your feelings  Allow grief to progress naturally neither hurry or

suppress it  Honor the memory of the deceased but accept the need

to rebuild you life