1 Deep Phytocracy: Feral Songs --- ANARCHETYPES 1. CORPOREALISTS Backstory: Riding the green-washing wave, corporealists and pine trees go well together. Pines growing in this region are twisted in all sorts of ways (because of wind, witches, energy flows, who knows?), so they’re just a bunch of bad apples as building material and demand for paper pulp, which is what they were used for, has also been plummeting. Resurrected from market obsolescence, Curonian pine trees have now become a cheap source of alternative biofuel and as such alleviate Lithuanian dependence on foreign oil. Best of all, they seem to be growing quickly, colonizing the Spit, overgrowing the dunes and invading the beaches. Tools and methods: The corporealists take the wood at face value, more is more is more. The equation is simple: to calculate the value of forest, take the price of biofuel per liter minus production costs divided by seller margin multiplied by circumference of tree trunks multiplied by correlation factor between girth and height in a given forest distribution. Instructions: Using the precisely calibrated wearable pine value assessment tool, collect measurements from every pine tree appearing in the marked area. Step one: Dress. The head hole should give away the appropriate orientation. Step two: Put the thumb of one hand through the opening. Grab a marker with that hand. Step three: To perform the measurement action, face the tree and press your torso against the tree trunk, arms stretched out. While in this position, extend the arms forward, wrapping the tree. Step four: Mark the position where your marker-holding hand touches the value assessment tool. Make sure you take a measurement of every pine tree in the area.
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DeepPhytocracy:FeralSongs---ANARCHETYPES1.CORPOREALISTSBackstory:Ridingthegreen-washingwave,corporealistsandpinetreesgowelltogether.Pinesgrowinginthisregionaretwistedinallsortsofways(becauseofwind,witches,energyflows,whoknows?),sothey’rejustabunchofbadapplesasbuildingmaterialanddemandforpaperpulp,whichiswhattheywereusedfor,hasalsobeenplummeting.Resurrectedfrommarketobsolescence,CuronianpinetreeshavenowbecomeacheapsourceofalternativebiofuelandassuchalleviateLithuaniandependenceonforeignoil.Bestofall,theyseemtobegrowingquickly,colonizingtheSpit,overgrowingthedunesandinvadingthebeaches.Toolsandmethods:Thecorporealiststakethewoodatfacevalue,moreismoreismore.Theequationissimple:tocalculatethevalueofforest,takethepriceofbiofuelperliterminusproductioncostsdividedbysellermarginmultipliedbycircumferenceoftreetrunksmultipliedbycorrelationfactorbetweengirthandheightinagivenforestdistribution.Instructions:Usingthepreciselycalibratedwearablepinevalueassessmenttool,collectmeasurementsfromeverypinetreeappearinginthemarkedarea.Stepone:Dress.Theheadholeshouldgiveawaytheappropriateorientation.Steptwo:Putthethumbofonehandthroughtheopening.Grabamarkerwiththathand.Stepthree:Toperformthemeasurementaction,facethetreeandpressyourtorsoagainstthetreetrunk,armsstretchedout.Whileinthisposition,extendthearmsforward,wrappingthetree.Stepfour:Markthepositionwhereyourmarker-holdinghandtouchesthevalueassessmenttool.Makesureyoutakeameasurementofeverypinetreeinthearea.
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2.KURORTODOXBackstory:Thetimeofmasssun-bakingonthebeachisover–thekurortodoxrequiremorefromlife,andonlythebestfromnature.Thekurortodoxarewellacquaintedwiththeterritorialexclusivityandworldcultural-naturalheritagestatusofthearea,butwhattheyaretrulyafteristhepsycho-emotionalimpactofitsnaturalresources.Theyseekthecollectablespectacle,agreengazeofperfectproportions;toidentifyitsaestheticappeal,scenicbeautyandvisualquality.This,afterall,iswhatrepresentsthequalityofbeing.Toolsandmethods:Comingfromatraditionofquantifiedselves,theylostconfidenceintheirownperception,andanyway,theyaredefinitelynotaftersubjectivebeauty.Thetriedandtestedgoldenratioiswhatensuresahighqualityoftheiraestheticexperience.Instructions:Workinpairs.Theframewithafragile,thinsheetofglassdepictsacarefullychosengoldenratiocomposition.Yourtaskistoidentifyyourtop5plantcompositionsinthedemarcatedareabymatchingthefeaturesofplantsandlandscapetobestfitthegoldenratiocomposition.Behighlyselectiveandaspreciseaspossible.Itisabsolutelynecessarytofindatleasttwocompositionsthatcanonlybeviewedwithyouheadagainstthegroundandatleastonelookingupward.Remember,youcannottrustyourpersonaljudgment;youraestheticappraisalbuddymustverifyanysuggestion.Identifythecompositionsfortheenjoymentofotherkurortodoxbyplacingoneflagoneachsideofthecompositiontomarktheview.
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3.PANSEMIOLOGISTICINVESTIGATORSBackstory:Withtherecentresurfacingofclaimsofplantsentience,thesuspicionsofpansemiologistsareallbutconfirmed.Workingfortheclandestinenewworldorder,theseindividualsaretaskedwithuncoveringanddecipheringthecommunicationroutesofalienentitiesandbringingtheirplotstotheattentionofpowersthatbe.Crackingtheircodeisthefirstnecessarystepofgettingtheupperhandinthisarmsrace.Wehavenarrowedthesuspectmothertrees,allegedlyresponsiblefororganizingtraffickingonthewoodwideweb,downtothree.Theirconnectionsmustnowbescrutinizedandcontactsrevealed.Toolsandmethods:Pansemiologistsarewellversedinaesthesis–theembodiedsense,awayofperceivingtheworldthroughgestureandcontactwithmore-than-humansandopeninguptothepossibilityofsensesbeyondthoseconventionallyaccepted.Astheyreachoutgesturallytoplants,appreciationisembeddedinsensousmovements,leadingtointimateencountersoftouch,taste,smell,soundandlookingclosely.Theirtoolboxconsistsoftheirhomegrownsensesandappendages,supplementedonlywithglovesforthefragile-skinned.Instructions:Threesuspectmotherpinetreesaremarkedwithredandwhitetape.Yourmissionistorevealthewaytheyconnecttotherestofthevegetalbeingsbyfollowingtheirroots.Asyouuncoverthetoplayerofmoss,diggingintothethinhumus,youwillreachlightbrown,flexibletentacles.Thesestretchfarandwide,butyoumustbecarefulnottobreakthem.Onlybyfollowingtherootstothetipoftheirjoiningwiththeothercreatures(plant,fungi,animal...),smelling,tasting,digging,doyoustandachancetoglimpsethebreadthoftheircommunicationnetwork.Markthepathoftherootswithsticksbeforecoveringthemagainwithmoss.
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4.IMAGOFETISHISTS(PROPHYLACTICCLIMATONIHILISM)Backstory:Imagofetishistsarethebastardchildrenofanti-abortionactivistgroupsandtranshumanistgeoengineers.Theywereraisedtobelieveplantsprovideecosystemservicesviasequestrationofcarbon,whichoffsetsglobalwarmingcausedbylarge-scaleindustrialdevelopments.Youthistheanswer,imagofetishistsinternalised.Woodlandareasthatregrowafterforestfires,loggingoperations,orotherdisturbancescansequesterhugeamountsofcarbondioxideandtheyplayanunexpectedlyvaluableroleinmitigatingclimatechangeandallowunbridledtranshumanistfantasiestoprosper.Iftheimagofetishists’objectofdesirewasn’tplantlife,theywouldbeshunnedaspedophiliacs,butthat’sdoublestandardsforyou.They’reespeciallyattractedtoyoung,fastgrowingbirchesandpines.Toolsandmethods:Imagofetishistscanrecognizeyounggrowthamileaway.Whenindoubt,theyuseameasuringtape,anythingbelow1.5mmakesthemquiverwithpleasure.Instructions:Systematicallycombthedesignatedareainsearchforyounggrowth.Ateachencounter,discreetlyperformaninappropriatesexualgesturetowardtheplantandsprinkleitwithafewgrainsoffertilizer.Enjoytheencounter.
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5.NEOGNOSTICAGRARIANSBackstory:Betweenthetwopositionsinstructingnatureconservation,agrariansbelieveinthevalueoftheethnoscape–naturethathasinsomewaybeentendedtoorimprintedonbyhumans(ratherthannaturehavingvalueonitsownandconservingitforitsownsake).Theneognosticagrarians,however,interpretthis“imprint”inanunusualway.Inlinewiththeresurgenceofpaganism,neognosticagrariansbelievethatafterdeath,soulsofthedepartedfinddwellingintrees,especiallybirch,lindenandpines.Thetreeswhichharborhumansoulsrepresentplantswithuniversalvalueandmustthereforebeprotectedatanycost.Toolsandmethods:Totheexperiencedneognosticagrarian,thepresenceofsoulsintreescanbeseenatfirstglance,thegiveawaybeingaparticulartwistinthebranches(afavoritespotforsoulsontheCuronianSpitisthedrunkenforestontheRussianside).Thisobservationcanthenbeindisputablyconfirmedthroughasimpledivinationritual.Instructions:Holdthechainofthesoul-seekingpenduluminyourhandwhileplacingtheotherhandonatreetrunk.Concentrateonthequestion“Isahumansoulinsideyou?”(oryourownversionofthisquestion).Thependulumwillstartmoving.Aback-and-forthmovementmeanstheansweris“yes.”Ifyourpendulumswingsinaclockwisedirectionmeans"yes",acounterclockwisedirectionmeans"no".Tiearibbonaroundeachtrunkofthetreethatyouhaveidentifiedasharboringasoul.Checkasmanytreesaspossible.
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6.STENOURBANITESBackstory:Theagoraphobic,technophilic,precariouslyworking-from-homestenourbanitesfindtherawpresenceofother-than-humanlifeunbearable.Thesheerferalityoftheforestmakesthemwanttohideinanofficespace.Butweknowsmallstepsleadtobigtransformations–forthestenourbanitewehavedevelopedaplantofacilitateasoftconfrontationwiththesubjectofstudy.Infearofwildernesstoday–aneagerinvestigatorofphytocracytomorrow!Toolsandmethods:Unliketherestofthetools,thisonedoesn’tinvestigateelementsofphytocracy.Itisthefirstbabystep,acotton-paddedencounterwiththeferalityofplantlife.Thevirtuallyvirtualreality(VVR)helmetmediatestheexperienceofanauthenticencountertotoneitdowntothemuchmorepalatablenature-simulacraaesthetic.Instructions:Carefullyslidethehelmetontoyourhead.Adjustthegogglesandheadphonestoacomfortableposition.Overthecourseoftheinvestigation,continuouslyweartheVVRhelmet,exploringthevegetallife.Whenfeelingalienated,pleasereachouttothefellowhumansworkinginthesamearea.Donotdisturbthemformorethanafewmoments.Incaseofdiscomfort,sicknessbagsareprovided.
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7.SCHIZO-XENOPHOBICSADOMASOCHISTSBackstory:Theschizo-xenophobicsadomasochistshaveaneuroticallyambivalentrelationshiptoindigeneityandautochtonicity.Asadefault,theyareenviousofplantsfortheirrootedness,consideringthemselvesmerevagrantsincomparison,neverquiteconnectedtothegroundtheywalkon.However,theirpsychecannotconsolidatethesuccessfulproliferationofinvasiveplantspecies.Aprimeexampleofahighlyirritatingspeciesistheblacklocust,Robiniapseudoacacia.Hernamesaysitall,she’saposerthroughandthrough(she’snotevenarealacacia).Sheisoneofthefewplantspeciesthatisconsideredinvasiveevenonthecontinenttowhichsheisnative.Themoreyoucuther,themoreshegrows.Toolsandmethods:KeepingtruetotheirSMnature,theschizo-xenophobicsadomasochistsapproacheveryrobinia,whichtheycanspotamileaway,withthesamepassionandfury,literallylashingouttheirfrustrationinaaffectionateinterchangeofself-androotedforeignerflagellation.Instructions:Getacquaintedwiththeflagellationtoolthathasbeenprovidedforyou.Symbolicallywovenfromthefinestbirchtreebranches,themostauthenticallyLithuaniantree(asidefromoak,lindenandspruce),itrepresentsbotharejectionandembrace.Withthegreenleavedtip,whipeachrobiniatreeyouencounterthrice,lettingoutsighofloveandhatewitheachstrike.Afterthisaction,strikeachosenpartofyourownbodywiththebackendofthewhip.
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8.VEGETARIATMARTYRSBackstory:Thoughinconspicuous,thevegetariatmartyrsareinfactprotagonistsofthevegetable-humanalliance.Employingtheirfullheteronomic,phutonicpotentialasthemodeofresistancetocommodity-drivensocieties,theyarethethornineverycivilizedthigh.Theirbodiesarebiologicalcomputersandfromthepointofbirththeyhavebeentakingininformation,processing,calculating.Likethevegetalbeings,theypracticeredundancy,pattern,exteriorityanddividuality.Whenthephaseofexponentialexploitationtransitionsintotheinevitableplateau,theywillbereadytoorganize.Likeanimallikeplant.Toolsandmethods:Betweenintrospectionandabsolutemindlesspresence,thevegetariatstaysstill,growing,ruminating,gestating.Instructions:Putontheshirt.Ifyouhaveanyundergarments,removethem.Findapositionwithinthemarkedarea.Standorsitstillforthedurationoftheinvestigations.Themartyrdomwillrevealitselfintheamountofbitesyouwillhavecollectedduringthisperiod.Therepulsionoftheplanthabitatcorrelateswiththenumberofbites.Reportthenumber.
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9.NON-CRITICALBIODIVERSITYHOARDERSBackstory:Globalnatureisthenameofthegameandbiodiversityisitsultimateexpression.Closelyfollowingtheever-gloomierseverityofthe6thextinction(happeningnow),non-criticalbiodiversityhoardershavetakenituponthemselvestocollectplantspeciesandconservethemforposterity.Theyalsosufferfromacommonconsumeristaffliction,namelyhoarding-apathologicalcompulsiontoexcessivelyacquirespecimensandaninabilitytodiscardlargequantitiesofplantmaterial,whichiscoveringtheirlivingareasandcausingsignificantdistressandimpairment.Toolsandmethods:Armedwiththeirkeeneyeandalargejarwithalcohol,non-criticalbiodiversityhoarderspickleaves,stemsandflowerswithacompletedisregardforbotanyorclassification.Ifthey(think)theydon’thaveitintheircollectionyet-inthejaritgoes.Instructions:Combthearea,collectingsamplesofanynewplantsyoucomeacross.Placethemintothealcoholsolutionforconservation.
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10.HISTRIO-ADMINISTRATORSBackstory:Betweengovernmentalbodiesandthelaypublic,thehistrio-administratorsmaintainthesteadystatebetweennatureandculture,lawandorder,lifeanddeath.Thepressureofconstantlychanging,oftenconflictinglegislation,instructions,jurisdictionsandstakeholderinterestshaveleadthemtosystemicallydevelopamildhysteriawhichallowsthemtodissociatefromtheemotionaldrainoftheirjobswhilekeepingthepublicfaceofauthority.Toolsandmethods:Aidedbytheindispensabledisciplininghornandmarkedbytheaffectiveorangejacket,theirpresenceandpanopticalcapabilitiesinstillahighworkethicamongstthevolunteers.Instructions:Youmuststayalertandvigilantduringthe30-minuteinvestigation.Wheneveryouobserveslacking,boredomorchitchat,gentlyremindthevolunteersthatthetaskathandisseriousbyhonkingthehornandaskingthemtofocus.Iftheydisregardyoursuggestion,takeamoremilitantapproach,goingintoafrenzyofhonkingandhystericalyelling.ItisOKtointerjectthisactionwithapologiesandcomplaintsabouthowmuchyouhateyourjobandthatit’sreallynotyourfault.HEREISALISTOFPROPERBEHAVIOUR(deviationissanctioned):CORPOREALISTS:wearingsleeves,huggingtreesKUROTRODOX:inpairs,lookingthroughframes,markingviewswithflagsPANSEMIOLOGISTICINVESTIGATORS:diggingandfollowingtreerootsIMAGOFETISHISTS:lookingforyounggrowth,performingsexualgestures,sprinklingwithfertilizerNEOGNOSTICAGRARIANS:touchingtreeswhilereadingthependulum,tyingribbonsaroundthemSTENOURBANITES:wearingVVRhelmetsandwanderingthroughtheforestSCHIZO-XENOPHOBICSADOMASOCHISTS:flagellationoftheblacklocustandselfVEGETARIATMARTYRS:sittingorstandingstill;youcanrecognizethembytheyellowheaddressNON-CRITICALBIODIVERSITYHOARDERS:carryingalargejarandcollectingplantsHISTRIO-ADMINISTRATORS:honkingandyellingatpeoplewhoarenotworking
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