Deborah Gilboa, MD RESILIENT KIDS 5 Tools for Raising Resilient Kids in a Military Family.

Deborah Gilboa, MDwww.AskDrG.com

RESILIENT KIDS5 Tools for Raising Resilient Kids in

a Military Family

WHY ARE WE HERE?MILITARY LIFE• Moves• Unpredictability• Pressure• Deployments• War• PTSD

REGULAR LIFE• Tattling• Homework• Friend drama• Sibling struggles• Disappointments• Bullying

The ability to RECOVER from ADVERSITY!• What do we know?– Bad things happen.– There are always choices to be made.– Feelings change over time.– Recovery requires tools and experience.

• What do they need?PRACTICE.

W HAT IS RESILENCE?

RESILENCE ≠ STOICISM

• Resilience requires emotion– Ignoring emotions -> damaging

behavior– Expressing emotions -> positive

coping mechanisms– Teach this best by explaining AND

modeling• Resilience moves beyond emotion to action.• What do they need?

PRACTICE.

5 TOOLS 1. Build trust.

2. Share bad news.3. Accept emotions.4. Move toward action.5. Guide THEIR plan.

BUILD TRUST• What doesn’t work?– “Stop crying!” “Calm down.” “Just relax!”

• Why not?– Can I tell you how to feel?– Strong emotion is a sign of fight or flight.

• What does work?– Communication– Repetition– Modeling

SHARE BAD NEWS1. Learn a little. 2. Pick a message. 3. Ask questions.

ACCEPT EMOTIONS MOVE TOWARD ACTION

Give your child a map FROM EMOTION -> ACTION• Empathy• Get to the truth.• Don’t offer solutions.• Ask for options.

SO,WHAT’S

THE PROBLEM?

Love• Empathy• Helpfulnes

s• Greater

resources• Experienc

e• Habit• Genuine

enjoyment

Fear• Responsibilit

y• Overwhelmin

g• Deteriorating• Future

consequences

• Risking the relationshipGUILT.

CULTURE OF “SUCCESSFUL” FAMILIESThe Myth:“Getting involved

will make us both feel better!”

The Truth:Stepping back

helps kids become adults.

GATHER INFORMATION• Ask your child• Build a network• Spend more time together• Get help, persevere

TRUST YOUR GUT

ONE STEP BACKSkill building• Chores• Homework• Food• Errands• Extra-curriculars

Relationship building• Siblings• Friends• Other adults

Problem-solving

GUIDE THEIR PLAN• Let life teach the lesson!• Praise the process.• Play “What if?”• Read a book or watch a show.• What would you tell a friend?“I’ll be really interested to

see what you do!”

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Available Sept 2014