When co-parents fight over custody of their children, they are called Conflictual Co-parents. Parents in conflict need to learn the two types of coparenting definitions and whether they are high conflict co-parents. In this slide presentation Dr. Deena Stacer shares definitions for parents to better understand their conflictual relationship. Dr. Deena Stacer is a parent educator teaching live and online coparenting courses for parents to help stop the conflict over the children. Online courses are located at www.parentsinconflict.com.
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Transcript
Strategies to Manage Conflictual Coparents
Parents in conflict cannot coparent in the traditional sense. Professionals insist they learn to get along, but often there is at least one parent who is may have difficulty getting along with other people and they use the breakup to attack the other parent and to stay engaged in a relationship through conflict.
Dr. Deena’s Cooperative Coparenting Definition (It is the mindset of both parents)
1. Both parents believe that the other parent has the best interests of the children at heart.
2. Both parents believe that the other parent is valuable, worthwhile and important in the children’s life. Both parents believe that the children need to have a relationship with both parents, and they will actively support that relationship.
Ideal coparenting means that both parents are willing and able to agree with each other about general child sharing issues which occur when raising children.
It means that the both parents believe that the other parent is important in the children’s life.
Ideal coparenting means that both parents agree to place the child in extracurricular activities during both parent’s time. Both parents believe that these activities develop their child’s physical and social competence.
Ideally, if issues come up, coparents work together, as much as possible to agree on schooling, bedtime, homework, medication, clothing issues and activities...
For example, ideally parents would talk freely about a child’s homework or school issues. They would meet with the teacher to figure out what they were going to do to help the child with academics, or behavioral issues.
Dr. Deena’s Conflictual Coparenting Definition (It is a different mindset of one or both parents)
One or both parents believe that:
1.The other parent does not have the best interests of the children at heart (as their primary focus).
2.The other parent has fundamental character flaws, parental deficiencies, a personality disorder, or substance abuse issues that interferes with their parenting ability.
Dr. Deena’s Conflictual Coparenting Definition (It is the mindset of one or both parents)
4. They need the assistance of the court professionals to help them make child sharing decisions.
But once the recommendations or orders have been made, one or both of the parents may actively sabotage the court order and badmouth the professionals who worked on the child sharing plans.
Dr. Deena’s Conflictual Coparenting Definition(It is the mindset of one or both parents)
5. One or both parents continues to undermine the other parent’s relationship with the children, believing that they have to protect the children from that parent, by taking away time or getting the courts to determine the other parent is unfit.
2. Learn to connect “with” their children. If you are still connected to or upset by the other parent, then it is light’s on, no one is home for the children.
I’ve been teaching this as a live program in San Diego since 1997. And now, I have translated this class online for you to participate without leaving your home.
My Credentials
I have teaching credentials ranging from Kindergarten through College. I have a Bachelors of Science in Child Development, a Masters in Counseling and Leadership and a Ph.D. in Psychology.
I have worked with over 5000 high conflict parents and many of their children. I have mediated over 850 divorces. I mostly mediate highly conflictual cases now.
The High Conflict Intervention Program
I teach parents how to navigate through the court system, how to disengage from the fight with the other parent and how to protect the children from permanent emotional damage that often occurs from chronic conflict.