Conflict Management Stages

Conflict Management Stages

Ryan Gever & James O’Malley

Before the Conflict

• Preparing to resolve conflict:– Try to fight in private– Be sure you’re both ready to fight– Know what you’re fighting about– Fight about problems that can be solved

Dewey Sequence

Stage One: Define the Conflict

Several techniques:– Define both content and relationship issues– Define problem in specific-terms– Focus on present (avoid gunnysacking)– Empathize– Avoid mind reading

Mark and Ted

• Defining conflict–Mark doesn't want to socialize with Ted’s friends– Ted is loves these friends, but Mark doesn't like them– Ted thinks they're wonderful and exciting, Mark

things they're unpleasant and boring

Mark Ted

Stage Two: Examine Possible Solutions

• Brainstorm• Try not to inhibit or censor• Look for win-win solutions• Avoid win-lose solutions• Weigh costs and rewards of each solution• Seek solutions in which costs and rewards are

evenly shared

Mark and Ted• Possible solutions:

1. Ted shouldn't interact with friends. (win-lose)

2. Mark should spend time with Ted’s friends. (win-lose)

3. Ted should interact with friends without Mark. (win-win?)

Mark Ted

Stage Three: Test the Solution

• Test solution mentally– How does it feel now?– How will it feel tomorrow?– Are you comfortable with it?

• Test solution in practice– How does it work? Give each possible solution a

fair chance.

Mark and Ted• Test mentally:– Will Mark be okay with Ted socializing with the friends?– Will Ted enjoy seeing these friends without Mark?

• Test in practice:– Do friends think something is wrong between Ted and

Mark?– Did Ted enjoy the new experience?– Did Mark feel jealous, lonely, or abandoned?

Mark Ted

Stage Four: Evaluate the Solution

Fact hat Feeling hat Negative argument hat

Positive benefits hat

Creative new idea hat

Control of thinking hat

Mark and Ted• Can Mark learn more about rewards Ted gets from his friends?• How does Mark feel when Ted goes out with these friends?• How may the relationship decline if they see friends separately?• What benefits might Mark and Ted get from the arrangement?• Are there other ways in which they can look at the problem?• Have they adequately defined the problem? Are they focusing

on the issues?

Mark Ted

Stage Five: Accept or Reject Solution

• ACCEPTED– Put into more

permanent operation

• REJECTED– Discard it and try

another solution

Mark and Ted• Ted continues to see his friends.• Mark was able to socialize with people who

don't offend him.• They were both happy with the new

arrangement and have accepted the solution.

Mark Ted

After the Conflict

• Conflict must be resolved and not generate other conflicts– Learn from conflict and process– Keep conflict in perspective– Attack negative feelings– Increase exchange of rewards

Activity

• With a partner, please discuss how the conflict management stages applied to a conflict you had in the past.

• Be prepared to share!

Recap

1. Define the conflict2. Examine possible solutions3. Test the solution4. Evaluate the solution5. Accept or reject the solution