Conciseness lesson

Saying More with Less:

Less isMore: ThePowerofBrevity

Forsale:babyshoes,neverused.–byErnestHemingway

Lovehurts.Choosevodkaorvalium.

Finallyfoundlove,atage41.

Chocolateisthecoward'sbadapology.

Lovedhermadly—thenwentmad.

Warning,love:Iblogmybreakups.

Passenger Istillfeelextremelypossessiveofyourpassengerseat,eventhoughIdon'tbelongthereanymore.

Playlisting Iwonderwhatmusicyou'lllistentoafterme.

Hello,Universe? WhenIasktheuniverseforhappiness,Iaskittopleaseincludeyou.

Catleapsfromshadows.Floatingfeathers.

Nerdykid.Rocketlauncher.Bully'sgone.

Smallfish.BigPond.SameExpectations.

You+I.Atragicmiscalculation.

Awaken.Thedreamhasbegun:life.

"She'd fit, for themostpart, ina shoebox, so it'shardenoughtorecallatimewhenAllison,ourShihTzu,wasnoticeablysmaller.But,bethatasitmay,when we for the first time brought her into ourhouse about six years ago, she was positivelymicroscopic. Allison, for the most part, liked tohide in impossible spaces (if only because shecould):between the fridgeand thechinacabinet,behindtheopenfrontdoorandentrance(flankingtheumbrellas),underthecoffeetable,behindthesofa…"

"Above all, there is, of course,absolutely no need indeed to decorateyour sentence with words and phrasesof emphasis if, without them, thesentence undeniably is indeed equallycapableofstressingyourpoint."

Why is concise better than wordy?

• Fewer words, stronger expression

• Easier to understand and read, thus, more persuasive and more user-centered

Note: Concision does not necessarily equate to short. A long sentence can, in fact, be more concise than a short sentence. The key is word necessity. If every word in the sentence adds to i ts meaning, then the sentence is concise.

"Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all details and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.“

- William Strunk, Jr. in Elements of Style

Whyisverbositysocommon?

Whyisverbositysocommon?

• Sounds more academic

- Requires bigger words - Makes things sound more absolute – little

action

• Once learned, becomes a habit

"I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead."

(Business letter extracts)

Message 1 (50 words): With reference to your request for an extension on your note under the date March 20, we have considered the matter carefully and are pleased to be able to tell you that we will be willing to allow you an additional 90 days to make payment on your note.

Message 2 (18 words): We can allow you an additional 90 days to pay your note. It is now due June 20.

(E-mail)

Message 1: “Mary, would you like to meet me for lunch today at noon?”

Message 2: “Mary, I am getting hungry. I was wondering if you were hungry too. When people are hungry, that is a sign that they need to eat. Since we might both be hungry, I was perhaps wondering if you might care to join me for a meal in the near future?”

Wordy inspiteofthefactthatmakeananalysisofgiveassistancetoholdthebeliefthatbeinapositiontoiscorrectiveofunderdateofisdependentonhaveadesireforgiveemphasisto

Examplesofunnecessaryslowwind-ups:

Concisealthoughanalyzeassistbelievecancorrectdateddependdesireemphasize

Wordy absolutelycompletecancelout exactlyidentical variousdifferencesgeneralpublic largeinsize visibletotheeye weatherconditionspotentiallydangerousnewdevelopment

Examplesofredundancies:

Concisecompletecancelidenticaldifferences,variationspublic,citizenslargevisibleweather,climatedangerousdevelopment

Otherexamplesofredundancies:

absolutelyessential actualfacts

addedbonus ATMmachinebriefmoment briefsummaryclassifyintogroups closeproximityconsensusofopinion emergencysituationemptyspace heatup

introducedanew introducedforthefirsttime

jointcollaboration lookaheadtothefuturemajorbreakthrough mixtogethermutualcooperation naturalinstinct

Otherexamplesofredundancies:

newbeginning newrecruit

overusedcliché periodoftimepersonalfriend PINnumberplanahead reasonwhyreflectback replybacksafehaven stillremainssuddenimpulse tempertantrumultimategoal unexpectedsurpriseunintentionalmistake veryunique

Practice

Let'srevivesomesentences!

In this paragraph is a demonstration oftheuseof good style in thewritingof areport.

OnecaneasilyseethatakickingsituationistakingplacebetweenJimandBill.

Short-term planning is foremost in theprioritizationoftheteam.

The point I wish to make is that theemployees working at this company arein need of a much better manager oftheirmoney.

The point I wish to make is that theemployees working at this company arein need of a much better manager oftheirmoney.