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Relationship

THE Winning

L o v e S e r i e s

1

O l a l e k a n a d e b u m i t i

The Complete Guide To Knowing Your Future Partner

Compatibility test

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O l a l e k a n a d e b u m i t i

By

RelationshipCompatibility test

The Complete Guide To Knowing Your Future Partner

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RELATIONSHIP COMPATIBILITY TEST

Copyright ©2015

by

ADEGOKE OLALEKAN ADEBUMITI

All rights reserved.

Adegoke Olalekan Adebumiti asserts the moral right

to be identified as the author of this book.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval sys-tem, or transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or any other – except for brief quotations, without a written permission of the publisher.

Cover and Interior Design by: Deluxe Creative Media, +2347039429767

Book Edited by: Kehinde Toluwani, +234 806 218 3235.

To Contact the AuthorE-mail: [email protected] +234 803 250 3305; +234 805 267 0550

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r e l at i o n s h i p c o m pat i b i l i t y t e s t

IV

DEDICATION

I was just an innocent guy back then in my university days. I

never planned to fall in love so easily until it began to hap-

pen. I was just everything for the younger ladies. I wanted

to be their guides against the wrong guys and so would moti-

vate them to never settle for the less nor fall in love cheaply.

I was loving the counselor in me all the way until I was

unknowingly falling in love with a particular lady.

Funny enough, she was quick to know.... And so she asked

that we defined the relationship.I remember hearing her ask me, “What is the Purpose of

your existence in a sentence and in just one word?” I was

ashamed because she just did hit me below the belt: that was

what I had struggled with for years. I didn’t know my purpose,

and it was clear though I was multitalented. I prayed and fast-

ed and almost got tired until I got “Enlightenment through

the media.”

I went straight to her and said, “My purpose is, ‘To enlighten

the world through the media’, which in one word is, ‘Enlight-

enment!”

I could feel a sense of acceptance in her face as a bit of

royalty energized my spine.

Guess what?

That was how we began our friendship and for two years

we were on whether we would be together or not. My friends

said something was wrong with me for waiting that long for

a lady. But, it was worth the wait. And as you would expect,

we eventually got into a relationship we were both assured

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would lead to a marriage.

Our parents were glad about the union and it was going

great.

But, here is the shocking part of the story…

If she was alive, we would have written this book together.

I hereby dedicate this book to the Loving memory of Oyin-

damola Adekunle, who died on February 25th, 2015, following

a major health challenge.

Our three years relationship gave me all I needed to write

this book. You were loving and a great example to the youth.

You taught me how to love, helped me grow to the height

that millions would be willing to follow after.

The spark of light you helped ignite in me has begun its

burning. The path of empowerment we planned to walk in has

now metamorphosed into a Broadway.

If there is any better me stage I see today, you were one of

the great personalities that God used to help me grow into it.

We said we were going to get married, be a couple whose

daily lifestyle would be worthy of emulation by all and sundry,

have glorious kids that would be great examples for the com-

ing generations. I wished we would be together as a couple,

but God knows the best as usual.

I sure will be the best father and the best husband you

have seen in my future. I didn’t regret I met you, it was really

worthwhile. May your Gentle Soul Rest in Perfect Peace!

Signed, Olalekan Adebumiti.

September 2015.

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VI

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

The Beginning and the Ending of everything, in whom I

live, move and have my being, my Lord, my Love and

my Life, a lifetime wouldn’t be enough to thank you

for all you have given me. Forever you will be my God, and

forever will I serve you!

To her that was brave enough to watch my infant head

(without a cradle bed) and continued to watch my destiny

upon the altar of prayer, you are unequivocally qualified to be my dear mother. Thanks for your effort to nurture me to this

great height, I couldn’t have been better with another woman.

All efforts to give worthy appreciation to the family of

Adebumiti-Best would sure be proven abortive: your input to

what I am becoming is unmatched. I am grateful.

To those who contributed to the success of this book by

sending views, opinions and much like on relationship com-

patibility, through which the book wouldn’t have been well-

equipped, I will forever be indebted. Akinrelere Sunday who

authored the book, “The Journey through Life”; Femi Olof-

inkua; Sheu Mustapha Olanrewaju; Afolorunso Opeyemi; Kun-

le-Adesina Tolulope Blessing; Shoyemi Mopelola Folashade;

Samson Osuman; Ignatius Meshack Dozzy and Ayo-Akano

Ayokunmi of www.top7reasons.com, thanks so much.

Pastor Stephen Akintayo of Gtext Media and Investment

Limited, you are a rare gem and I am proud to call you my

role Model. Your impact over me is unspeakable.

To Vincent Adeoba of Seravision Brooks Business Solutions

and Akin Emmanuel, CEO of Omnigist.com, thank you so

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much for your help in getting this book published online.

It is sheer joy for me to say a big ‘thank you’ to the people

who have been sources of motivation to me all my life, es-

pecially Akintunde Promise and Olawoore Peter, with whom

I set out for the journey to impart the world together, on

campus. You will remain my choicest of friends.

As time would permit, I am saying a big thank you to my

boss, Mr Martins Boyejo, for his impact and daily encour-

agement to see me attain greater feats in life. To Mrs. Gloria

Okekearu, thanks for being a friend indeed.

To my team, I will ever be grateful for the cord of love that

ever binds us. Thanks to Timothy Ojo, the Lead designer at

Deluxe Creative Media (www.deluxecreativemedia.com), for

the cover and the interior layout of the book. Kehinde Tolu-

wani, who edited the manuscript, my appreciation is endless.

To you reading this book, and to as many as would strive

to see their relationships continue in bliss, I appreciate your

efforts.

Finally to my humble self, Olalekan Adebumiti, I bow in rev-

erence to the unmatched desire to give my best to the world.

Smiles.

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Table of Contents

PREFACE 1

INTRODUCTION 3

LET’S TALK ABOUT LOVE 5

THE MYTH OF COMPATIBILITY IN RELATIONSHIPS 25

THE CONCEPT OF COMPATIBILITY 33

CHECKING FOR COMPATIBILITY: THE RIGHT WAY 40

A LETTER TO YOU 60

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PREFACE

Undoubtedly, there is an avalanche of books on com-

patibility in a relationship in the world today. But

quite surprisingly, more and more people struggle in

their relationships many of which hit the rock… That breaks

my heart.

And that has left me wondering what the problem is. Is it

that the available books don’t contain relevant information,

or that people just don’t put in their best to make their rela-

tionships work?

Of course, given the myriad of books in the market, it

would be preposterous to suggest that they all don’t contain

relevant information.

To me, it is heartbreaking when there are many books on

relationship compatibility and yet, people end it up in unimag-

inable ways.

I have been thinking... Could it be that the books don’t give

the best information or that people don’t give their best?

I do not want to believe that the books written had not

done justice to the topic in view since knowledge is one thing

and wisdom remains the principal thing. There is much infor-

mation, but many stop at acquiring them without reaching to

the point of application. That is where wisdom comes in!

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Whether the information available on compatibility in a

relationship is enough or not, this book will give all answers

you need regarding compatibility in relationships. So, don’t

read like you have been reading any other books. Read it as

the verdict for compatibility in relationships, and you won’t

regret it.

If you really wish to set yourself on the path of marital bliss,

this book is for you.

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INTRODuCTION

It was the most stimulating adventure you had embarked on.

The first meeting, the first conversation, the shared dreams, and passions amongst others all pointed to the fact that

you had found your perfect match. Even the chemistry be-

tween you two was apparent to your friends. And you both

exchanged vows of undying love, on numerous occasions.

Yes, you noticed some slight issues that called for concern.

But the thick aura of love that had engulfed you drowned

them all. You could have sworn that you had beaten the

odds of unhappy relationships. Nothing could go wrong, you

thought.

But things took a different turn, almost suddenly. The slight

issues gained prominence and seemingly displaced the butter-

flies in your belly. And your certainties too!

Then the questions flooded in. What went wrong? Is it that what I felt all along wasn’t real? Was it love or lust? And you

ultimately had to decide what to do with the relationship.

More often than not, people emerge from such experiences

with scars so big they vow never to venture into relationships

again.

Over and over again, that story has been told. We’ve read it

in books. We’ve seen it in movies. Some of us have even lived

it. Of course, the characters and the specifics always differ. Still they point to the same problem – a gross misunderstand-

ing of how relationships work.

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As if those were not bad enough, stories of marriages end-

ing in divorce abound. And they only add to our disillusion-

ment about relationships as a whole.

But things shouldn’t be that way.

How then should they be? Read on.

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LET’S TALK ABOuT

LOVE

Love is magical. That’s no news, I suppose. It can keep you

up late into the night and wake you up in the wee hours

of the morning. It can make you give up all you ever held

dear and make you go to the lengths you never thought you

could. Love when pure brings a connection to your spirit; oh

how gently it heals the soul. It gives the power to channel

your speech to its maximum use, and your heart to its max-

imum muse.

Love is the most outstanding sources of inspiration there

is, especially when it’s with the right person. For those who

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have enjoyed its streaks, it’s the best miracle that can hap-

pen to a heart. And when you have never had a broken rela-

tionship, you need to celebrate the heart you own! To fall in

love is undoubtedly a beautiful thing – I know you wouldn’t

agree less. And a heart that is indeed in love, like a two-edged

sword, cannot be stopped.

But not everyone can connect with that. The reverse has

been their experience. This same love has etched scars as

deep as the ocean in their hearts. It is so bad they’d do all they

can to totally erase it from their memory. It is their worst

nightmare.

No matter how you see love, the following is ever true:

• Love is not an abstract noun, it’s sure a verb in action!

• Love is not inanimate, it lives to an unspeakable maturity!

• Love doesn’t live in our hearts, it lives in our acts!

• Love isn’t immobile, it works its way around the world!

• Love isn’t like a lifeless flower, it grows limitlessly!

• And when you can define it all, you have limited it!

Someone once said, “Love is everything it’s cracked up to

be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth

fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”

And Warren Barfield will ever be right for saying this:

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L E T ’ S TA L K A B O U T L O V E

“Love is not a place

To come and go as we please

It’s a house we enter in

Then commit to never leave!”

“To some love is a word

That they fall into

But when they’re falling out

Keeping that word is hard to do.”

At the risk of over-flogging the point, love can’t be professed with the mouth only. Commensurate actions must follow or

we’re already talking about something else.

Let’s pause awhile, and look inwards.

Do you say more than you do? If yes, then it’s high time you

chose the path of action rather than dwell perpetually in the

‘just-talk-it’ paradise.

Love doesn’t reach its potential by nature or by default.

Rather, it requires painstaking effort and nurture. And only

those who dare to invest the required efforts get to enjoy the

resultant streaks of bliss.

Be that as it may, it’s our call - a clarion call at that - to make

our relationships worth it by giving it the required recipe. Do

you want to see your relationship grow? Then work it out.

LET’S EXAMINE AN INTERESTING FACT

According to a Research, falling in love has almost equal

neurological effects on a person as cocaine. The sensation the

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body gets from a dose of cocaine is the same as what it gets

from ‘falling in love’. And when a man falls in love, twelve areas

of his brain is stimulated, on the average.

How do you feel when you take this love away from some-

one that loves you with their whole life? Happy? Glad that you

have just caused a life its source of amusement and livability?

And if you have been a victim of heartbreak before, how

did it feel? I guess you felt lifeless, abandoned, lost, dejected,

and sorrowful. Isn’t that exactly how heartbreak feels? Time

would fail me to find the word that can describe that horrible feeling.

HUNTING SHADOWS

It’s so dark, like a lake

It’s so huge like a giant’s grip,

It’s so weak like a vapour, yet it causes all the muscles and

bones to shiver.

It’s a traveller bringing the deeds of the past into the present.

Hunting shadows, playing pranks on a tender heart.

It steals away courage and replaces it with fierce fear

It steals away happiness which is so dear.

- Tolu.

Of a truth, heartbreak increases in rate than death toll on

a daily basis. Look around and you’ll find another heart being

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broken. To take the bull by its horn, we really need to know

that heartbreak is not metaphoric; it’s real, and the effect

could be traumatic than you can imagine, except that some

people have hitherto seen it as part of the means to a trendy

lifestyle.

It’s so disheartening when I see someone who has invested

all his life, time, money and resources on a relationship getting

jilted in the end. It brings such an untold level of grief, pain and

agony altogether.

The thought is sickening!

Isn’t it interesting that love can have such different effects

on people? To one, it’s a blissful dream; and to another, the

worst nightmare. I do find it very interesting. Of course, no one has ever planned to make a nightmare of his relationship.

But, it is the reality all the same.

With a good number of books on relationship and mar-

riage, it is more than heartbreaking to see even teenagers join

in the chorus that love is vague and hitherto not what people

have known it to be.

Whenever I found myself thinking about this menace, I

wouldn’t help but sigh.

Over time, it’s just so disturbing when I see people asking

questions like, “What is Love? What is True Love? How can I

find True Love? Does Love really exist? Does True Love Ex-

ist?”

These questions keep telling me something you and I need

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to know. It is the fact that “The world doesn’t understand

love!”

SO, WHAT THEN IS LOVE?The first day I was asked this question in a gathering, I

didn’t have an answer. And I was ashamed of myself. Can you

imagine? I didn’t know what love was and I had already fallen

in love for years by then. Alarmingly, many of us are just like I

was back then. We go about looking for love when we don’t

even know what it really is!

Of course, there are a million definitions and descriptions of love (I exaggerate). Let’s examine a few.

WordWeb says Love means to “have a great affection or

liking for somebody” and the Oxford Dictionary summarizes it

thus: “to have very strong feelings of affection for somebody.”

Relationship wise, isn’t it disturbing to know that most dic-

tionaries define love as a “feeling” you have for someone?

And what’s the defeat of the above statement?

I’ll tell you. The dictionary definitions -and many others like them- suggest that love is just a feeling, a strong feeling. But

it’s much more than that. The essence of love is not adequate-

ly captured until it is expressed, in actions.

If you have ever been in a relationship, you will agree with

me that what causes problems cum challenges aren’t feelings.

In fact, you have feelings in your dreams. Can you remember

when you would say, “He doesn’t care for my wellbeing; he

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doesn’t call me or ask how I fare? He is just there! He doesn’t

love me.” And he would say, “She doesn’t know how to cook;

she is not humble enough and doesn’t even know when or

when not to talk. She is just a bitch. I made a mistake making

her my love!”

Oh, my! If love is actually feelings, why don’t people just

believe that their partners love them when they say, “I have

feelings for you?”

When you can think about the above and believe that they

are what bring about quarrels, resentment, silent treatment

and even disagreements in relationships, you are close to un-

derstanding love.

As far as I know, many people keep falling in love repeated-

ly but don’t understand what exactly they are falling into. And

when they fall out of love, they discover some parts of them

have been tampered with.

Is love now a plague or flu that takes part of you when you give yourself to it?

That’s what you are about to know.

In the said gathering, some guys gave definitions like: “it’s a pure and passionate affection for something;” “it is sacrificially giving to someone what they need, but not what they want.”

I remember the main speaker defined it as, “an uncondi-tional commitment to an imperfect person.” He continued

by saying, “if you want to have a perfect person as a spouse,

you just won’t find any on earth because, such doesn’t exist

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yet! Love is in service; it’s an undiluted emotion mixed with

kindness and compassion.”

And for a long time, I held on to the definition of love as “an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person” until

the day I broadcast the following update on WhatsApp about

love:

“She said... why is true love hard to find? And I asked her, “What is Love?” Guess what... She can’t define it!”

Many people laughed about that update; some agreed to it,

while others curiously still asked, “What is Love?”

I had expected the question before I did the broadcast and

so I quickly sent another one that says,

“What is Love? It is an unconditional commitment.”

Almost immediately, people started responding to it and it

was amazing.

Among the responses I got, two struck me.

The first is, “There is no specific definition for love. It de-

pends on how anyone views it!”

And the second, “Love is abstract... It’s like the air... it’s

made of different matters!”

The second response really got me thinking. So, I decided

to have a chat with him.

From the chat, I picked some points I will want you and I to

focus on.

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He said,

“I don’t find love. I find happiness and contentment instead.

We are taking “love” so serious, thinking it’s all we need.

Funny enough, many people are in love who are not happy.

If the only reason someone is with the other person is the

heady belief of love, then such is bound to be hurt consis-

tently.

Love broken down is a two-way street: I love him and he

loves me isn’t enough... How to know that someone really

loves you is key!”

Ideally the one who said there is no specific definition of love is really right. We can only come close to defining it. Love is deeper than lexicographers and even philosophers can give

a concise breakdown of. It’s really like the air whose ways you

can’t really tell even if you have been told that it’s a mixture

of gases. For you to understand love, you need to understand

its elements.

Eager to know them? You are close… Let’s continue.

Unequivocally speaking, as far as a relationship

is concerned, “love is to share and care selflessly towards an end! And perfection is attained in love

when one’s selflessness meets with unmetered grat-itude from the beneficiary.” - Olalekan Adebumiti.

In relationships, love has goals! If you are giving me atten-

tion, care and sharing all you have with me, it’s to make me

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a better and happier person, which in turn will help maintain

our relationship. Love is a choice and a decision. To see it as

unconditional is to say that you don’t really care about the

other person’s character, behaviour, look, etc. And who is that

person on earth who doesn’t have preferences?

What about my earlier definition of love as being an un-

conditional commitment?

Well, let me say that definition is not complete! And below is why:

Even though unconditional commitment is part of what

makes up a long-lasting love, no human being can ever love

unconditionally at all times. Only God has that capacity: He

can choose to love you even when you are in any wise far

from being an entity. He is also dynamic, and therefore, can

choose to love conditionally!

Here is more: if all men love unconditionally, the rich will

share all they have with the whole world! And there won’t

actually be anything called broken relationships let alone bro-

ken homes.

Is that more confusing? Let me explain.

To love unconditionally is to love without any reservations.

To love someone regardless of what he/she does: if he is a

bully or she nags, he doesn’t care for your wellbeing or she

can’t do anything right, you just have to love them. If he or

she cheats on you and it doesn’t bother you, and yet you

won’t even let it determine how you relate with them, then

you can say you love unconditionally. If whatever they do to

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you doesn’t affect your next action towards them, then you

have unconditional love. To crown it all, if you can really love

(everyone) unconditionally, you are the best man on earth.

Can you do that? I sure know you can’t!

In fact, everyone wants someone that can be everything

to them: we all want to wake up, go about the activities of

the day without having a disturbing thought about what or

where our lover would do or be per time. If you find anyone who doesn’t want the best, such must be an angel without a

physical body.

But… what makes up Love? Let’s see the paragraphs below

together, and they will ultimately lead us to the lies you have

been told about love and being in love.

Make sure you read the following words carefully, giving

attention to the words that are highlighted.

1 Corinthians 13: vs 1-8

1. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of an-

gels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a

tinkling cymbal.

2. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and under-

stand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I

have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have

not love, I am nothing.

3. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor,

and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love,

it profits me nothing.

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4. Love suffers long, and is kind; Loves envies

not; love vaunts not itself, is not puffed up,

5. Does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not her

own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil;

6. Rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

7. Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all

things, endures all things.

8. Love never fails: but whether there be prophecies,

they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall

cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish

away.

In relation to the verses above, here are the facts from the

lies you have been told about Love:

#1 That you feel it doesn’t mean it is true

Verse 1 and 2: As a Christian, seeing someone who speaks

in tongues, can prophecy, can demystify things, highly knowl-

edgeable and have covetable faith is enough to make you have

unrepentant feelings for them. But the bible is saying that one

can have all these and yet not have love! That he is a pastor,

a prophet, very sound and brilliant, is not a guarantee that he

has love or can be loved! That a lady is doing well ministerially

can be a hidden deception too.

Verse 3: Under normal condition, the heart of generosity is

one of the greatest gifts a man or woman can possess. Yet, the

bible says, being generous isn’t a proof of love.

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That a man can give you all material things isn’t enough to tag

him the best man in the whole world. That a lady whets your

sexual appetite with her body doesn’t mean she loves you.

You know what? The best a man or a woman can have at

present isn’t enough to judge love: to enjoy love takes pro-

cesses and it’s alarming how people want to jump it. I sigh.

Funny enough, I hear some ladies say, I have feelings for

him, and it’s something so deep and sacred. Hey! The last

time I checked, falling in love because of “only feelings” is not

enough to give you a successful relationship. If you doubt me,

ask those who have had broken relationships.

#2 That they say it doesn’t mean it is true.

Oh, a man tells you “I love you?” Don’t be deceived! If point

number one can show you that having physical proofs of love

isn’t the yardstick of the ideality of love, how then should you

believe it when they say it with their mouth?

For how long should ladies believe lies from men? For how

long are we going to accept love with just our senses? When

exactly are we going to stop believing in lies that appear as

truths?

I know his voice is romantic to melt your heart, and I also

know that the best of voices can’t mend a broken heart! So,

wake up!

#3 If it is not building you up, it is not true.

“It’s good for someone to love you the way you are… But

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if all they do is geared towards leaving you worse than they

have met you, run a check on the relationship before you

continue: love wants to improve you, but lust wants to reduce

you.”

For love to grow, it must be tied to a mutual interest. Two

people in a relationship must have a single goal to which their

journey of love is bound. It is very wrong to fall in love for

fun! And it is so dangerous to go into a relationship without

thinking it through.

Questions like, “What do we want in this relationship?”

and “What happens when one isn’t doing their part?” are im-

portant in building a relationship to last. In the same vein,

joint compromise is very key: you must be willing to give up

your selfish interest to grow the relationship. More so, indi-vidual ideas and beliefs must fuse into each other to reach an

agreement.

Here is more reason to have a mutual interest:

You may love someone because they have what you want

in a future partner whereas such doesn’t have the same level

of affection for you. And if you continue that way, each of you

will start pursuing their selfish goals.

And when you hear, “I thought we were compatible,” self-

ishness is in play. Most of the people that say such statement

upon a relationship breakup only wanted someone who

would be a slave to their selfish interests.

Before you ever think of falling in love, you should know

exactly what you want the relationship to do for you. And this

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is possible when you can have a grasp of your future.

How do I mean?

What would you say of a chicken falling in love with an ea-

gle because it can fly high? I know you just laughed about that and I am not surprised. You see, many relationships are like

the eagle-chicken relationship: when they see someone that

has something that seems so out of the world, they begin to

fall in love without even taking their time to consider the end.

Before long, they begin to rhyme, “Oh had I known!”

Before going into any relationship, you must be able to

see the future ahead. Doing trial and error will only give you

enough heartbreaks!

You need to sit down and think about your future before

you can be set to bring any other person into the equation,

else heartbreak is looming. (You will learn more on this in the

next chapters)

When you think about falling in love without thinking of

what you want out of the relationship, you will only regret

it in the end. You really need to know exactly why you are

going into a relationship. Mind you, just relying on your head

knowledge or following only your intuition to fall in love is

tantamount to believing that you can swim a whole month

inside a river without being suffocated.

Again, that he or she always wants everything and doesn’t

want to give anything back is not love! Like respect, love is

reciprocal as in relationships. If he is giving you money, there

must be part of his life you are helping him to improve.

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And did you know that no man or woman is perfect, even

though we are to attain completeness before going into a

relationship? That is why you must seek an area in your part-

ner’s life, business or career to work on: Your partner needs

an input from you, no matter how small.

Verse 4 to 7: Though long-suffering (to suffer long = pa-

tiently bearing continual wrongs or trouble) is an attribute of

love, it could be your undoing if the relationship is one you

are not supposed to be in. Every (good) relationship sure has

its ups and downs; hence the need to express love uncondi-

tionally.

Should we really love unconditionally?

Yes, because it’s required of us. But, it’s a gift and sometimes

a hard decision to take. It’s what you learn and grow into and

therefore, can be desired.

As long as you are very sure that your relationship is lead-

ing you to marriage, you can be unconditional for as long as

you want; you can be long-suffering as long as you desire.

However, you need to know when long-suffering is too long

to bear, especially in abusive relationships.

Don’t perpetuate long-suffering until you get yourself killed.

Generally speaking, you and I know that we tend to be

selective in the people we have a long commitment to love. If

you doubt me, why don’t you love a beggar down the street

like you love your siblings?

Does that sound like a mix-up? Let me clear the doubt

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again.

Well, I agree with the opinion that you must love your

partner unconditionally. While this can be a great success for

people in romantic relationships, it’s not a perfect teaching

for the 21st-century relationships where it takes more than

miracles to get few working relationships.

If we would strive to be the better person we seek in re-

lationships, unconditional love would have been a solid and

perfect teaching. To continue to love someone who’s adding

little or no value to your life in a relationship could be disas-

trous in the end if not checked.

To love unconditionally is to love someone without any

condition attached. If you go into a relationship with at least

one feature that you love in your partner, that’s a conditional

love. This is because, you should have chosen any riffraff as a

wife or husband if you say you love unconditionally.

The following are simple enough: Love is not selfish, but kind. It’s not moved by envy and is not proud.

Love does not behave itself unseemly. You know what un-

seemly means? It means, for you not to keep with accepted

standards of what is right or proper in polite society. Love

behaves itself seemly, therefore, means it keeps with accepted

standards of what is right or proper in “polite” society.

A polite society is one that preaches morality; one that

tells you premarital sex is not a proof of love! The same one

that shuns cohabitation. So, if it’s love truly, it will wait! With-

out a doubt, premarital sex only reduces you.

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Love seeks not her (or his) own: when you see that your

lover is constantly wanting more and more, and always would

love everything to be in their favour, it’s to be checked wheth-

er it’s really a proof of love or not. Ideally, love would want to

reach an agreement, a mutual compromise. Love doesn’t say

me, me, and me all the time! It is “we!”

Love is not easily provoked, thinks no evil: well, this talks

about demeaning character and evil mind. Being gentle is one

of those attributes of love that could be more than a miracle

to get. Hey! Don’t be happy because I said that. If you are not

given to gentility, it’s what you should learn.

What about your mind?

Your mind is a battleground for the good and the bad

thoughts on a daily basis. And when you can have it going

great, your relationship, as well as your whole life will be a

haven of peace. Do you want to keep your mind going great?

See Romans chapter 12.

Love rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth: when

your lover offends you, it’s so important not to keep scores.

Forgive them easily and move on.

Did you just ask, “What if they keep doing the same thing

over and over again in a relationship?” If that it is, you need

to take a break and sort things out before it gets out of hand.

If it’s something you can’t handle on your own, or you have

even tried with no desirable result, it’s wise enough to seek

the help of a counselor.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,

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endures all things: So simple, or isn’t it? Love truly has the

capacity to put up with anything, but should never be abused.

Love sure can believe and hope all things, but not when it is

obvious that everything will soon turn a dead end. If you will

endure in a relationship, be sure it’s worth it; and be sure it’s

not worth it before you can call it quit.

So far so good, love is wonderful. Love is awesome and the

best venture for every heart. It is astounding when it’s with

the right person, and the reverse also holds true.

On this note, I will beg you to never go into any relation-

ship because it appears rosy to you. Sincerely, it takes God to

give you the best. And I see that happening to you. Amen.

BEFORE YOU FLIP TO THE NEXT CHAPTER, Here is a

charge for you:

You and I need to be very careful when dealing with the

hearts that love us. Because, no matter how professional one

is at fixing a broken heart, a heart once broken might not have its best shape again. No doubt, love is great in a relation-

ship when it is with someone who has a caring heart, and it is

like one is the most fortunate when you can see such a one

that is so plain to you.

“Never break the heart that wants to ever keep you strong,

and never fail the heart that wants nothing but your success.

Here are few questions for you:

How much are you really willing to give to love in your

relationship or marriage?

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How long do you want to try to make sure it works out

for the best, even if it seems it’s not going to end well?

Do you just want to keep jumping from one to another,

breaking someone else’s precious heart or getting yours bro-

ken instead?

Answer those questions and then move to the next chap-

ter.

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THE MYTH OF COMPATIBILITY IN

RELATIONSHIPS

Until today, many people have only been believing

myths when it comes to getting compatibility right

in relationships. Many people have only been able to

play out chemistry which they thought was compatibility.

So, permit me to ask this…

IS IT CHEMISTRY OR COMPATIBILITY?I often hear 21st-century youths chorus chemistry as

though it’s the perfect proof of compatibility in a relationship.

I have heard many relationship and marriage counsellors alike,

preach along that line also. Something about that didn’t sit

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down well with me, so I went into a research.

So, is it wrong to rely on chemistry as a true measure of

compatibility in a relationship or not? Read on and you might

just find the right answer to that age-long inquisition.

It was almost a shock the day I came across the word

“chemistry,” in the concept of relationship on Wikipedia.

If you are still skeptical about this subject and need a con-

cise explanation of it, you are not far from hitting the gold-

mine on this.

I found out that when two people share such an ecstatic

bond or connection, whether platonic or romantic, chemistry

is deeply involved. Chemistry makes you boil with the feeling

of wanting to see the other person you are in love with (or

in lust with). That good feeling you have on hearing or seeing

someone you have an extraordinary affection for is nothing

but chemistry. It’s an unconscious decision. In fact, you don’t

need to be anything to have chemistry built up on your inside.

To some extent chemistry is congenital, although society

can build up a part of it in us. And your physical appearance

is enough for some people to see you as having a perfect

chemistry with them.

The above is true because many people only need mere

emotion to judge their chemistry with their partners. And

since the only reason they want to get along with the other

person is from the feeling their sense organs can readily give,

it’s often misleading than many can imagine.

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T H E M Y T H O F C O M PAT I B I L I T Y I N R E L AT I O N S H I P S

By the way, if you’ve got a shape you feel no one out there

is interested in; don’t snap at it, for someone is dying to see

you be their spouse. Relieved? Good!

Let me now shock you with this:

Even though the concept of chemistry is well documented,

its totality is outright vague. Till date, some psychologists have

only given a metaphorical description to it. In the real sense,

chemistry majors on stimulating sexual attraction (not neces-

sarily that you feel like having sex) and many brain chemicals

are connected to the process.

HOW DOES CHEMISTRY HAPPEN?Do you remember those moments that you would feel as

though lost because you were away from the one you love?

The experience is awesomely wrapped around the concept

of chemistry. And here is how it normally happens:

Your nervous system gets aroused and provides some

adrenaline in the form of a speedy heartbeat, shortness of

breath, and sensations of excitement that are often similar to

sensations associated with danger. Sometimes, it comes with

a little rise in one’s blood pressure, the flushing of one’s skin, the face and the ears turning red and even a feeling of weak-

ness in the knees. To crown it all, it can make you feel a sense

of obsession over the other person, longing for “the day when

you return to that person,” and can result in an uncontrol-

lable smile at the thought of the other person. Chemistry is

that ‘thing’ that gets you attracted to the opposite sex. More

so, it always comes with a high percentage of lust.

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See these funny words….

I just love being around you… I love seeing you… I always

feel like I am lost without you… When you speak, my heart

melts away… And your voice is so soothing that it calms my

soul…

A young man could say,

“I think this is divine! It’s just unexplainable. It’s beyond

my comprehension. To be factual, she’s all I want in a woman.

She’s got all that meets my heart’s desire and I must play along

with the streaks that come with this.

Words would fail me to talk of her smile, her gentle talks,

and her alluring gesture. Oh heavens! This is an epitome of

beauty, awesomeness, perfection, and the list goes on.”

And here is a young lady dying for someone:

“What has this guy done to me? This is so sacred, and I

haven’t felt like this before. The aura around him is more than

I can verbalize. His words are like a two-edged sword, cutting

my spirit, soul and body apart. He is driving me crazy, I just

must confess. This is more than magical and my shadow can

tell. I don’t need anyone to tell me that I have fallen in love,

and I don’t wish to be back up from this. This is exceptional,

and I am willing to dance to its rhythmical tune.”

Hey, Mister! Hey, Miss! You are only dancing to the rhythms

of chemistry. In fact, you are swimming in the ocean of your

emotions, no more and no less. You see, you don’t have to plan

chemistry; it has its own modus operandi. In fact, its dealings

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are automatic. It is purely biological. And it is even innate. It just

happens but has its root in how you are built up as a person.

I asked someone about chemistry as I wrote this book.

After the person had read about chemistry, he simply con-

cluded that his relationship was actually based on compatibil-

ity and not mere chemistry.

Then I asked him to prove that it was compatibility and not

just chemistry. I wasn’t really shocked when he asked, “How

do I?”

Can you tell the difference between the two?

THE WARNINGAllow me to quote Elizabeth Baldwin:

“Romantic chemistry can be one of the most dangerous

and self-destructive emotions if left unchecked. People will

enter relationships with incompatible mates blinded by chem-

istry. Chemistry often seems to have the power to blind us.

Chemistry is the reason the saying, “Love is blind,” exists.

Chemistry can make otherwise rational people ignore se-

rious problems and issues in an individual and relationship.

Chemistry often blinds people to warning signs that a person

or relationship is not healthy or the right one for them.”

HERE IS MORE uNDERSTANDINGIn the real sense, chemistry blinds one to demeaning habits,

decadent characters and even deviant manners. Chemistry

doesn’t see virtues in the other person because its make-up

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is perpetually skin-deep! Chemistry doesn’t care about age,

background, religion, ethnicity, and social class of the other

person you are in love with. All it cares about is physical en-

dowments and the sensual feelings thereof.

Unlike Chemistry, compatibility sees demeaning habits in

the other person, decadent characters and deviant manners

and would want to make them all good (or be eager to learn

how to deal with them). Compatibility sees age, background,

religion, ethnicity, and social class and is, therefore, ready to

see if there is any potential challenge in accepting them as

they are or not.

Compatibility seeks virtues in the other person and is

ready to explore them to fruition. Chemistry is, therefore,

selfish while Compatibility will ever remain selfless.

See the illustration below.

A PIECE FOR THE VICTIMWhen a young man meets a lady, chemistry is what of-

ten connects them. Because chemistry is skin-deep, they are

Emotions

Lust

Physical Appearance

Temperament

Selfishness

Pleasure

Purpose & Career

Temperament

Selfless Service

Passion

Companionship

Love

CHEMISTRY

WRONG RIGHT

COMPATIBILITY

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both blinded by it and they just tag along. To test compatibil-

ity, they often have sex. But because the relationship is built

upon the concept of chemistry, they can’t help the growth of

each other. There is nothing called the discussion about the

future whenever they meet as their discussion is limited to

partying, clothing, and some sort of fallacies. It would always

be as though they were living in paradise, as all organs of their

bodies would heed the sensual call.

In such relationships, all that they want is seeking pleasure,

until that hits maxima. The moment he sees that she can’t give

more, he backs off, because, “we only grow into love and grow

out of lust.” She is back to square one, as he’s busy looking for

another lady to whet his lustful appetite.

And here is the lady who has given her heart, body, soul

and spirit to see a relationship work out. She is left with a

putrefying sore inside her heart. At this point she wishes she

had seen it coming; maybe she would have gotten a grasp of

the horrible and undeserved end which did justify the roman-

tic means.

There is also the guy who was everything for a lady. How

he came to love her is still mystical. He gave her his best and

only wanted that in return. Shockingly, he’s been ditched. The

deed is done, and there is no going back.

Thinking about revenge? No. that is not necessary. My

friend, such is life. Don’t let it get you down! Get up and be

your best.

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THE u-TuRNWhile it has been noted that there can actually not be a

relationship without chemistry, which is said to be the “igniter

and the catalyst for a relationship”, the whole idea of chemis-

try has been bastardized. It is sure one of the most misleading

indicators of a future relationship as the dating Coach Evan

Katz suggests.

It’s so outrageous after all, to see that many people only

depend on this half-baked knowledge to judge compatibility

in their relationships. And isn’t it alarming how many of them

end it miserably?

So, what has been your motivating factor all the while? Has

your judgement of compatibility been on the fact that you

share chemistry with your partner?

If yes, let us quickly debunk that proof as we dig dip into

how to really check for compatibility.

Before then, let us see the next chapter together.

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THE CONCEPT

OF COMPATIBILITY

It is often said, and you sure would agree, that “When the

purpose of a thing is not known, its abuse is inevitable.”

To really understand the purpose of compatibility, shouldn’t

we know what compatibility is?

So, what is compatibility?

The Oxford mini-reference dictionary defines compatibili-ty as being “able to exist or be used together”.

My mobile dictionary defines compatibility as the state in which two (or more) things are able to exist or perform to-

gether in combination without problems or conflict.

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The latter definition is not really applicable to relationships. And that’s because there is no relationship without at least

a challenge or conflict. Sadly, though, most singles miss

this point. Their understanding of compatibility is the same

as my mobile dictionary’s definition – to perform together in combination without problems or conflict. Hence, they disqualify people who might have made great partners just

because he isn’t supportive of a wish or she isn’t yielding to a

particular direction. Nothing could be more wrong!

Ideally, you can only tell who fits into your future through a complete check (or test) of compatibility. To a large extent,

the partner one chooses determines how glorious (or the

other way round) one’s future will be. The future promises

enviable bliss when you can be sure that you have chosen

right, and the reverse holds true for the one who has failed

in that regard.

Before you make a decision or give your consent to enter

a life-long relationship with anybody, it is highly sacrosanct to

know if the person is compatible with you or not. To jetti-

son the necessity of this practice is to set your destiny on the

path of irredeemable horridness.

HOW DID COMPATIBILITY START?It started in the Garden of Eden – a place God made and

described as good. The people he made, the environment into

which they were created, the animals, the serpent inclusive.

Despite that Adam was not aware of how Eve was made,

when he saw her after he woke up, he saw perfection.

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T H E C O N C E P T O F C O M PAT I B I L I T Y

Let us make man in our image and after our likeness. That

was God’s plan, and He didn’t do less. The ones He created

were perfect beings – a true reflection of His person. Upon making them, He gave them dominion over everything else

he had created.

As the story has it, Eve was the first woman on earth as Adam was the first man. Although he had no one to compare Eve with, he could still infer that she was the best. If sexy

curves, pink lips, radiating eyeballs, and what have you were

all that Adam desired in a woman, Eve had it all! “This is the

bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh…,” he affirmed! There couldn’t have been a better compatibility test other

than that. Yes or Yes?

Compatibility has never been about the physical endow-

ment. There has to be a purpose, a career path, a vision, a

mandate!

And the mandate God gave was DOMINION… which is

not far from “Management.”

But is it in your own bible that the first marriage ever failed?

So what was wrong? They didn’t know that compat-ibility is to be managed; they didn’t know it is not

the basis for a successful marriage!

Management is why compatibility fails in relationships. Are

you hearing management for the first time? No cause for alarm! I will talk more on that in my next book, KEEP THE

ROMANCE ALIVE.

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I once met a woman who lamented the mess she had been

in since she got married some 24 years ago. The husband who

used to be everything for her suddenly became the direct

opposite of what she knew him to be. He used to be so sup-

portive of her but stopped her from doing everything to pro-

mote her career.

The only thing he wanted her to be was a housewife and

sex slave. Sadly, he succeeded and the woman’s life was no

more the same again. She used to be a counsellor, the hus-

band stopped her. He allowed her to do practically nothing

that could help promote her life. He turned her life upside

down, and it’s so sad that she can’t just pick it up again - I

assume.

If you look around, you sure would see a few marriages that

are in an indescribable mess. When you dig into the cause, it

would have been the result of costly assumptions on compat-

ibility. Today, there is no going back for many, no matter what

they face in their marriages.

Do you want to have a successful marriage? Then do com-

patibility test right!

My own definition of compatibility (as regards relationship) is the state in which two individuals are able to co-exist sym-

biotically regardless of their individual differences. From this

definition, it should be clear that there is no perfect relation-

ship anywhere, except if the two individuals have decided to

operate as one and not as separate entities.

Having made known to you what compatibility is, it is es-

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sential for you to have more insight to what relationship is

as well. Let me assume we know the basic meaning of rela-

tionship, but you may not know that there are two kinds of

relationship. They are Interpersonal relationship and Intra-

personal relationship. The former (interpersonal) has to do

with the relationship with others (in this case, your partner)

while the latter (intrapersonal) is the relationship with one-

self, and of course, the most important.

When you feel someone may not be compatible with you

in a relationship, are you also compatible as a person?

The problem of many youths nowadays is that they neglect

the questions of an intrapersonal relationship while finding answers to the questions of interpersonal relationship.

Ask yourself first, “Am I the right person for this guy or lady?”, “Do I care?”, “Am I hardworking?”, “Do I know how to

manage differences?”, “Am I selfish or selfless?”, “Can I give the best that I want in the other person?”, and many other

questions.

In Physics, they say, “Like poles repel, while unlike poles at-

tract”, but that’s not the case with relationship compatibility.

In fact, it should be described as “Like poles (partners) attract,

while unlike poles repel”. The law is simple and clear, “You

must be compatible with thyself first, before being compatible with others”.

I must categorically state here that, compatibility in rela-

tionships most time fail in this regard. You know what it means

if a cat co-exists in the same roof with a rat? They are not in

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any way compatible, right? That’s exactly what I’m saying. Her

beauty, the shape of her body or her charisma while leading

a song in the church does not make her compatible; his high

intelligence quotient, standard shoes, or talents do not make

him the perfect match either.

These are ephemeral things that have turned some “once

upon a time compatible relationships” to incompatible ones.

God forbids the beautiful wife has an accident and her body

shape becomes disfigured, would you still be able to go out to a club with her? Can you even present her as your first lady despite her deformity? Would you still go out on a date

with her?

Differences in character or temperament can result to in-

compatibility in a relationship, like many other factors. Some-

one who is choleric (vibrant) might find it difficult to co-exist with a phlegmatic (sluggish) fellow. The relationship may not

last if individual differences are not checked.

Even if you eventually find someone of the same temper-ament, it’s no guarantee that the romantic journey would be

that smooth since either of you would want their own deci-

sions to stand.

Faith or religious difference is another issue to be consid-

ered when it comes to a relationship. This is how it is done in

Egypt doesn’t mean that’s the same way it is done in Israel. It

is always advisable to be in a marital relationship with some-

one of the same faith.

However, if people desire great result in the bid to finding

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out whether they are compatible with their partners or not,

and to answer this question of compatibility in a relationship,

there is a key I think should be able to solve the puzzle, and

that is, understanding.

Partners will find each other compatible if they understand each other. One should put him or herself under the right

(not wrong) standing of the other partner. And when I talk of

understanding, I mean the one that has thoroughly been tried

and tested.

Know your partner’s temperament and correct yourselves

in love. Be real and stay true to yourselves under the sun or

in the rain. It takes wisdom that is enshrined in understanding

to know how to settle disputes amicably with your partner

and brighten their day.

Let me conclude here that compatibility in a relationship is

a wide, two-way street. You know you are compatible if both

of you are able to co-exist symbiotically, regardless of your

differences, and you are able to understand each other.

But, does it end here?

NO!

Let us go to the final chapter to unveil the one-off test for compatibility.

Ready? Flip to the next Page…

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CHECKING FOR

COMPATIBILITY: THE RIGHT WAY

The issue of compatibility has always been a major con-

cern to people, especially the waiting singles. Many

people want to get married and start enjoying marital

bliss. Ladies, most especially see relationship as a healing balm

to their souls, but fear would not cease to grip the heart of

many when they are ready for a relationship that will lead to

marriage.

Even our religious leaders and mentors keep on telling us

that the most dangerous or risky stage in ones’ life is the

point of choosing a life partner thereby glamorizing fear, and

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C H E C K I N G F O R C O M PAT I B I L I T Y : T H E R I G H T WAY

raising hundreds of questions in the minds of youths (myself

inclusive).

I don’t want to believe you’re not familiar with those ques-

tions, except if you are yet to get to the stage of entering a

relationship.

I’m not talking about ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ issue here. If

it were to be that, anything goes! There are guys who are into

romantic or sexually immoral relationship with many girls, as

there are many girls out there who are ‘double-dating’ (per-

mit me to use that word, but ‘two-timing’ is the right word).

The above is not the type of relationship I’m talking about

here, since the motives are majorly for materialism, sexual

escapades, or immoralities generally. But anyone who is ready

to enter into a life-long relationship will, no doubt, have some

questions in his or her mind that are begging for urgent an-

swers. The question is usually in this form: “Is he/she compat-

ible with me?”

I want to simplify the question in this way: “Is he/she the

right person?”, “Does he care?”, “Can she cook?”, “Does

he have enough cash?”, “Can she satisfy my sexual desire?”,

“What’s his/her qualification?” and so on.

To help check whether you two are compatible in a rela-

tionship, online quizzes often ask these questions:

Is he domineering or neutral in the relationship? Is he a

father, a brother, a friend? Is she a mother, submissive, a wife

material, someone your family will be proud of? Are they ma-

ture emotionally, physically and financially? Do they respect

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your person; are they proud of you before friends and family;

is he a listener?

Is he/she disorganized, realistic, God fearing, trustworthy,

very social, a good planner, firm, reserved, apologetic, tim-

id, eccentric, unrealistic, imposing? Does he/she rarely wor-

ry about things? Does he have a sense of gratitude, a talent

for making people feel loved, favour the surreal, compliment

people frequently, put the needs of others ahead of his own,

usually feel good, get caught up in my problems…?

Isn’t that what you were taught to consider as criteria for

compatibility test in relationship?

And the more you answer these questions, the more ques-

tions pop up in your heart?

Ordinarily, the above questions are enough to tell compat-

ibility, but they all meet limitations with the level of broken

relationships and divorce rate presently in the world.

I know there is one person out there who has got all you

can think of as long as perfection is concerned. Whenever you

think of such, your heart skips a bit and you would sigh. It’s

something you have been waiting for and it will materialize

someday, right?

Like the examples above, there are actually many quizzes

out there that can show you how compatibility test is to be

done. But the last time I checked, the best of them can’t give

you all the answers you need for the questions of compatibil-

ity in your heart.

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Have you ever heard of a marriage wherein the couples

signed a divorce as part of the marriage vow? I don’t think

such exists, because every living soul dreams of a blissful end

before the very beginning of a marriage.

Let’s give it some consideration. If the quizzes really help,

why the alarming increase in divorce rate in the world? Why

do we see single parents all around? Is it that they didn’t do

compatibility test before they got married? No! They did the

wrong compatibility test of course.

According to a research, divorce happens every six sec-

onds in the United States, which has 53% divorce rate. So it

means more than half of the marriages in the United States

are likely to end in divorce. Shockingly, the United States is

the last on the list of the top ten countries with the highest

divorce rate. France has 55%, Cuba has 56%, Estonia has 58%,

Luxembourg has 60%, Spain has 61%, Czech Republic 66%,

Hungary has 67%, and Portugal has 68%, as Belgium has 71%.

Isn’t the statistic above enough to give marriage a second

thought?

When marriages end in divorce, we often hear people say,

“We are not compatible!” That implies many people even go

into marriages to test compatibility. This is heart-breaking!

When there arises emotional turmoil in the marital rela-

tionship, or money grows wing and flies away or the beauty and charisma he used to see in you is no more, or when he

can no longer perform well in bed, some people see that as

the end to compatibility in their relationships and therefore

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are willing to cut the relationship off.

Know this…

Compatibility could be learnt, played, framed, and feigned.

Little wonder people say marriage is an eye opener. You never

really know your partner until you’ve gotten married.

Isn’t it so alarming how love which makes a home eventu-

ally breaks it? I’ve seen people that were like, “But we were

so compatible when we started, but now we’re as far apart as

the heaven is from the earth.”

When compatibility is not well guarded, it can be the worst

word you ever want to hear or think of.

Compatibility is to be maintained. It is also to be managed.

Have you asked yourself this: what do you fall back to if

what you used to see as a true test of compatibility is no

longer there? That is why you have to be very careful how

you take compatibility as though it’s the only yardstick of a

successful relationship or marriage. It’s so sad how I see peo-

ple teach compatibility today as if it’s the only ticket for a

successful relationship.

You are told that you should make sure that both of you

are compatible before you would agree to marry him or her.

Is that what you were taught? Good.

You see, I used to think that billions of people have gotten

the compatibility check/test right until I met a lady that said it

became the centre of discussion in a gathering. I was shocked,

and still am.

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She asked me again because she didn’t feel satisfied by the explanation she got from the gathering.

She said, “Lekan, how do I know that someone is my fu-

ture Partner?”

Hearing this question again triggered a part of me… And I

only did switch on my “common sense” to answer the ques-

tion.

Don’t be shocked about the answer. Here is it…

Before you can tell whether someone is your future part-

ner, you have to know your future; you have to know what

your future holds. Invariably, before you can be sure that

someone is fit to be your life partner, you must know the A-Z of your Life.

For better understanding:

If anyone would fit in your future, you must know how your future is. You must be able to look into your career,

purpose, plans, goals, vision, and tell how lovely they all are,

before you can bring someone else in.

But some people just think by going into a relationship and

trying out few compatibility tests, they can decide if someone

is fit as a future partner or not.

You see, the last time I checked, it’s the lie of the devil.

Here is another proof.

Gastronomically speaking, mere smelling a food is enough

to trigger allergy. This happens because, your system knows

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what it is made up of, and so would know what would nat-

urally fit in and what would not. That is how relationships should be. But it’s alarming how people want to have a serial

taste of a guy or a lady before they know if such is fit for their romantic taste bud.

This is where people get it wrong.

Let me keep it simple for you:

To know that somebody is your life partner, it is imperative

to know what your life is all about. You have to know where

your future leads.

You want to know why?

It’s because, environment, culture, nature of job, finance and the like will ultimately change your perception of compatibil-

ity as you both grow together.

For instance, someone who would always want to be

around you before would suddenly want to stay alone owing

to change of job. He was always there to attend to the least

of your worries and that was all you needed to apportion

him the best piece of your heart, but you keep wondering

now why he’s ever changing as though competing with the

evolution of the world.

When you have a grasp of your future, you can look ahead

and see who would fit into it.

But… that is not easy as well, because people really change

from what they used to be.

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But the best bet is for you to be a futuristic and goal ori-

ented person yourself, and few other things would begin to

fall in place.

WHEN SHOuLD YOu CHECK FOR

COMPATIBILITY?I remember the conversation I heard with a lady some

time ago. I asked, “Are you engaged?” and she said “No.” Then

why? Is it because they are not coming or because you are

sending them away?

I was shocked as I would any other time when she said,

“You didn’t ask if I am in a relationship. I am in a relationship

but I am not engaged.

What do you think my next question was? “So, young lady,

would you please tell me the difference between being in a

relationship and being engaged?”

I got the answer I needed when she said, “I don’t really

know. But I think you first get into a relationship and then see if you are compatible before you get engaged.”

Point-blank, she was wrong! If you believe the same too,

you are more wrong than she was.

Let me tell you the remaining part of the discussion.

She discovered the guy was the direct opposite of the kind

of man she would love to spend the rest of her life with

and then she’s trapped in-between letting go or expecting a

change.

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“He is not the picture of what I want in a man. He can’t

see the future with me as I am seeing. He is just glued to the

pleasure of today, and no investment at all in tomorrow.”

That is the point! She got compatibility test all wrong. And

here is what I told her:

“I understand you were taught to start a relationship and

then find out if he is the perfect one for your future. But how would you know he is fit to be your husband when you couldn’t tell if he would be fit for a relationship before you agreed to go into one with him?”

All she could do was to shake her head!

The same question goes to you:

How will you know he or she will be the perfect one for

you in marriage when you couldn’t tell whether he or she

would be the perfect one for you in relationship? Those are

the lies we tell ourselves about relationship compatibility.

So many people don’t know how their future looks like and

they are sure of a man or woman who would fit into it. Can we stop that hallucination!

I didn’t ask if they had had sex, but I could sense they had

from how she talked. When you have sex with someone you

are still doing a test run on, you open yourself to the danger

of being trapped.

Timing is everything in life, and I bet you know. Many peo-

ple have gotten this aspect wrong, and are reaping what they

sowed some time ago.

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You are taught, or you follow the conventional way of try-

ing out relationships. You met this guy that you just want to be

with all day long; and it’s love at first sight to you. You agreed to date him since he didn’t look bad, as your sense organs

could tell. The whole thing looked promising and you were so

lost that you gave your body to him so soon. That was what

he wanted! And he just got that. He just marked a register and

you did lose a piece of your dignity as a woman.

No matter how good it seems in bed, no guy or lady can

be that good ahead of marriage. And that’s because so many

things would change along the line.

What about this?

Let us even agree that no immorality of any sort happened

between the two of you. Trying out a relationship to see if it

will work is one of the pillars of marital bad omens you can

see out there.

You don’t check for compatibility after you have entered

into a relationship! You don’t do it after having had series of

sexual intercourse! It just won’t work. Instead, you will soon

find out that you have been caged.

The best and the right time to do compatibility test is be-

fore you go into a relationship.

Even though I have earlier explained that you can be blind-

ed by chemistry, here is more reason you have to get compat-

ibility right before you set out on a courtship or relationship.

Quote me on this:

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“God is the only person that can help you do compatibility

right! Any other means is just gambling and the end is always

disaster. Marriage has gone more spiritual than you ever can

tell sensually.”

With all these facts and figures, is it not worthy of note to give up trying to use sensual means to choose a partner?

To say the least, never go into a relationship because your

feelings demand it. Doing that is more dangerous than you

could ever imagine. You could be right in getting it right with

chemistry, but compatibility is far more than what your sen-

sual faculties can get right.

MORE ABOuT THE GOD FACTORAs much as people seem to shy away from this factor, it is

the most important factor of all.

Why stress yourself, evaluating, trying, comparing, and in-

sinuating between interests, values, likes, dislikes etc., when

you could easily go to the Maker who knows all men and

women alike, and seek His face to know the one fit for you?

Never think it is obsolete and out-of-fashion to pray for

God’s will in marriage. There are many couples who got mar-

ried after God spoke to them, and till date they’re still basking

in the milk and honey of their marriages without a single day

of regrets.

Just ask around. Ask your parents how they did theirs. And

ask them why they never amounted to nothing if that’s the

case with them.

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God knows it all. He is the omniscient one. He is the one

that can tell how chemistry could be deceiving and why you

shouldn’t use it as a yardstick of successful relationship or

marriage.

Well, I will love to say this again: we all need reorientation

and a quick surrender of our will to God, not just giving our

lives. We only want things that meet our sensuality and not

those that fit into God’s plan for our lives. That happens to be the answer to the problems in many homes today. Let your

will be aligned with God’s and you sure will have His hand in

everything you set your heart to do.

Often time, we are the architects of our problems and

heartaches, because, God has already given us the way out

but we love to think we can do it on our own. If we all come

to the knowledge of God’s Will, we will know what and what

not to do, and even the choices we make.

If we want successful relationships, we do not have any oth-

er choice than to do it the God’s way. He laid the foundation

for relationships. It is to your best advantage when you have

an intimacy with God before finding and establishing one with a man or woman. Every woman should first be God’s woman and every man be God’s man.

Let God into the decision-making process of your rela-

tionship and you won’t regret it later. He indeed has the blue-

print of a successful marriage and so you shouldn’t bargain

letting Him into it. Go to God for the best compatible spouse,

and you don’t have to pray for months or years before God

speaks, it just depends on how close and ‘friendly’ you’re to

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God.

Go to a spiritual leader to help, if you think you don’t know

how to get answers from God. But, the best way to get this

right is to stay by yourself with God in prayer. If it takes you a

month or more to get a response from Him, it is sure a better

bargain than going to anyone for help.

However, if you think the God factor is a farfetched illusion,

then you might do a guess work in finding compatibility in marriage and, of course, a compatibility test that’s born out of

guesswork could be highly detrimental. So, never do relation-

ship compatibility the way everyone is doing it, else you will

regret it in the future.

Do you really want to get marriage right? Then be ready to

do it the God’s way!

SLEEVE ROLLED, GET SET… ACTIONTo get compatibility right, you need to answer these ques-

tions…

1. Why am I here?

2. What am I made of?

3. Where am I going?

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

This answers Purpose!

A little from one of my books, THE PURE GOLD:

“Discovery of purpose is the beginning of great achievements

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in life; achievements, in turn, grow into fulfilment of destiny. For the ones who have taken time to find out what theirs is, the realization of greatness will dawn in no time.”

To talk, therefore, about planning a life without having a

reasonable consideration of purpose can be likened to con-

sidering the means of transportation without knowing the

destination. Whenever you find yourself in that realm, know that failure is looming.

The most damaging aspect of contemporary living is short-

term thinking. And that is what people do when they tend to

build their future upon nonchalance. Planning the future in a

marital way without investing enough into the future is tanta-

mount to fetching water into a leaking bowl.

When your future is not set, no matter how romantic the

relationship may appear in the beginning, it gets to a time

where reality calls and defeat sets in. This is where many peo-

ple look back and chorus, “Oh, had I known.”

My friend, it’s no gainsay that you need to work out your

future, by starting with the knowledge of your purpose,

knowing that God has not brought you into this world as a

spectator. He sure has created you for something great. You

need to search that out!

HOW DO I KNOW MY PuRPOSE?While I cannot boast of giving you a cutting-edge answer

to this question of purpose in this book, I would like to share

with you some quick tips to get that done gallantly.

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From Oxford Dictionary, Purpose is “The reason for which

something is done or for which something exists” or “The

intention, aim or function of something; the thing that some-

thing is supposed to achieve.

So, if you want to ever consider yourself as an achiever, you

undoubtedly need to know your purpose. When you fail to

know your purpose, you can never get the best out of your

life, no matter how hard you try. Not even can your spouse

help you out.

If you have not discovered your purpose and you are in a

relationship already, you need to take a break and save your

destiny from future mess.

To help you out, I will suggest two books. One is mine, The

Pure Gold and the second is “A Purpose Driven Life by Rick

Warren.” Mine can be gotten free of charge by following this

link, www.loversify.com/purpose.

Endeavour to buy the other one, if you desire a glorious

future.

Read those two books and you have taken a step into get-

ting the best out of your life and relationship.

WHAT ARE YOu MADE OF?This answers to Personality.

I remember mentioning intrapersonal relationship in the

previous chapter; here is where it applies. Your personality as

a person is pivotal to your choice of marriage partner. When

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you are high-up, you tend to attract the best for yourself and

the reverse also holds true.

It is often embarrassing when you see people of marriage-

able age living disgraceful lives. Some don’t have control over

their words, actions, habits as they go about displaying the

result of their inglorious self-worth.

What would you call someone who shows off engagement

ring and doesn’t know what marriage entails, because they

think it’s what they are going to get by, through experience?

Their schools of thought tell them they can live marriage each

day at a time and the gained experience would be enough to

see them through.

If that is your school of thought, kindly rebuff it and move

on with the reality that comes with doing compatibility the

right way.

When a man opens his mouth to say he loves a lady, the

content of such affection should never be connected to her

physical appearance in any way, but to her character. When

a lady looks at a man and says she loves him so much, she

should see nothing but the totality of his attitude.

So, how good or bad is your character? How sound are

you morally? What good and bad habits do you have? What is

your temperament? How matured are you? Do you have low

or high self-esteem?

Answer those, be sure of your answer and if it’s worth it,

then you are free to marry.

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Many people, ladies especially, end up with the wrong spouse

because of low self-esteem. When you have the self-esteem

that is questionable, you tend to lose ground before all men.

The best you can get is to be used and dumped. That is not

what you bargain for.

What about your temperament?

It would be baffling to see teenagers who do not know anything about temperament, let alone a grown-up chorusing

“I am engaged!”

Do you know your temperament? Are you a Choleric, San-

guine, Melancholy or Phlegmatic?

Without a concise answer to the question above, you are

not fit to be in a relationship. And here is why: temperament is the spotlight to an individual’s daily behaviour. The way you

reason, talk, react, and act per time are functions of your tem-

perament.

You need to know this about yourself and even the other

person you want to be engaged with. For instance, it’s not

easy for two Choleric persons to be in a romantic relation-

ship, except they have learnt how to manage their differences.

You need to learn more about this? Get the book, “Why

You act the way you do, by Tim Lahaye.”

The book will help you to have a clear-cut understanding

of temperaments and how to develop or manage them for

the better.

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WHERE ARE YOu GOING?This answers to Goals, Dreams, Ambition, Career, and Vi-

sion.

Like I said initially, it is so imperative to have a distinct un-

derstanding of your life and what you see yourself becom-

ing in the nearest future, before you know the right man or

woman who would fit into it. Your future partner must be someone who can work hand in hand with you to fulfil your dreams cum visions, and not just the one who wants to build

a world of fantasies with you.

If only you knew that you have a bright future, you will

work so hard to choose someone who can help towards get-

ting the best out of your life, rather than someone who can

only pay the present bills. Having enough money could be a

determining factor for a relationship to be successful, but it

doesn’t answer all the questions about fulfilment in marriage.

When you have great foresight, no ordinary person with

limited perception of the future would have much of your

time. You just can’t be around the limiters! Your best friends

would be those who have potentials like you do and are

working towards seeing themselves in their future best.

But, no matter how ambitious you claim to be, or how

much of a dreamer you see yourself, the start of every great

achievement in life has to do with getting to know your pur-

pose, after which other things will fall in place.

Marriage is so sweet… but for only those who have taken

their time to work at getting the best.

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And when you have done all these, you are fit to be in a relationship with the right person.

WHAT ABOuT THE OTHER PERSON?Sometimes, one might not be the problem of compatibility

in a relationship. You can be your best assuming the other

person to be likeminded. To see the one you would love to

consider for a future partner as you see yourself could even-

tually be your undoing. No matter how good looking he or

she is, you must seek the best that you are willing to have of

yourself in them.

After the God factor, you must know your prospective

partner’s purpose, vision, career, ambition, dreams, goals, tem-

perament. He, or she as the case may be, must be someone

you are really ready to spend the rest of your life with. Physi-

cally, you both need to share a very keen and close vision and

have a very distinct and similar view to life and circumstances.

You both must be driven by the same force, and have passion

for many similar things. And if God is the one leading you to a

relationship with him or her, you need not worry about how

they will attain their best.

Well, there is more for the womanhood to learn! And they

are really learning. It is just that they need to learn more and

faster. And they need to grow out of their senses.

You know, ladies are moved by what they hear, and feel.

Men play on this fact. On the other hand, men are moved by

what they see, and that has been the undoing of many. Ma-

ny-a-man ended up in wrong relationships just because they

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went for the first woman who was beautiful and had good manners.

As a result of this, what is seen all around are nothing but

friendships with selfish benefits which they tend to call rela-

tionships! And the benefits sometimes are only skin deep. You wouldn’t want to settle for that, would you?

Does he or she fit into your future? Then you are both good to go…

Yet, it doesn’t end here!

Ideally, it’s not about compatibility only, many things are

involved in having a blissful marriage out of a romantic rela-

tionship (or courtship).

“Relationship Compatibility Test” is written for you

to get compatibility right in your relationship, and it’s only

one of “The Winning Love Series.” Be ready for the

mind-blowing book titled, “Keep the Romance Alive.”

Keep the Romance Alive is a book that will guide you

through the stages of your relationship, help you to spot red

signals, load you with skills to get your relationship growing

and set you on the romantic race towards “the walk down

the aisle.”

Do you want to be the first to read it? Then, subscribe on www.loversify.com/romance and you will set your hands on

it before I begin to sell it.

I WISH YOU THE VERY BEST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

MWAH!

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A LETTER TO YOu

What do you really want out of Life? Is it Love, Joy, Empow-

erment, or Greatness?

Whichever one is your desire, I am on the path to helping

you out.

It’s sheer pleasure to introduce you to my websites:

Loversify

www.loversify.com

Relationship success is now being seen as a mirage as many

young folks and the older ones alike have switched to the

school of thought that there is no true love anymore.

Here is the gospel truth: everyone wants to marry and

marry right, no matter what they have believed.

When you need undiluted articles, tips and guides on mak-

ing your relationship, courtship or marriage work, you won’t

regret being on the www.Loversify.com

I Love Text Messages

www.ilovetextmessages.com

Well, I know you would love to see your relationship enjoy

ceaseless romantic streaks. And to help you with that, www.

ilovetextmessages.com has been created with you in mind.

Good Morning, Good Night, I Love You, I Miss You messages?

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A L E T T E R T O Y O U

Or Love Poems and Quotes such that your lover would be

happy with?

Then you are just a click away from the Best Love Mes-

sages!

Safe Journey Quotes

www.safejourneyquotes.com

This website was created for as many as would love to

send Safe Journey wishes to their loved ones going on any

journey. Wouldn’t you love to send some lovely messages to

wish them safe journey? If yes, you have all you need for your

Lover and Loved ones.

Writers Alike

www.writersalike.com

Do you desire to learn how to write and make the best

out of your writing career? If your answer is yes, then you will

be more right than wrong to be part of us at www.writersalike.

com. Our Vision is to build a community of Heroic Writers.

Don’t be left out.

Future Successors

www.futuresuccessors.com

My Goal in life is to build the world that indwells Total

Quality People. And to help myself up the rungs of the lad-

der, www.futuresuccessors.com was created to equip the Future

Successors.

Do you need help choosing a career and make it blossom,

or desire a platform where you can be nurtured for an ambi-

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tion that you have chosen? You won’t regret joining us.

I wait to see you in. Thanks for your time.

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THIS PAGE

WAS LEFT

BLANK

INTENTIONALLY

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ABOUT THE BOOK

When it comes to getting the best out of a relationship

in this age, questions are sure more than the available

answers. To be factual, there is an avalanche of books

on compatibility in a relationship. But quite surprisingly,

more and more people struggle in their relationships, many of which end

miserably… That breaks my heart.

The above menace has left me wondering what the problem is. Is it that

the available books don’t contain relevant information, or that people

just don’t put in their best to make their relationships work?

If you need an answer to the above question, this book is perfect for you.

With the book, Relationship Compatibility Test, you will have the clear-cut

exposition to knowing your future partner, guaranteed.

ABOUT THE AUTHOROlalekan Adebumiti is a seasoned Speaker who does

more than mere motivation and a life coach whose

daily goal is to see people get the best out of their

lives. He holds a B.Sc. degree in Physics with Electronics

from Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ogun State, Nigeria,

and he is the founder of Future Successors. Future Suc-

cessors is an organization dedicated to equipping the

young folks toward a fulfilling end, thereby building a community of total quality people.

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