Communication Family Life Certification Module #7
Dec 18, 2015
Communication
The woman at the well
(John 4:4-26)
The rich young ruler
(Luke 18:18-25)
3. Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-9)
Nicodemus at night
(John 3:1-15)
CommunicationLevel OneCliché
No depthMeaningless greetings
Have you eaten?How are you?
No processing or analyzingJust for courtesy when meeting othersNo intimacy
CommunicationLevel ThreeMy opinions and point of view
That was such an uplifting testimony!I consider that a lame excuse.You made an excellent point during the discussion.Your essay was the best in the whole class.Watch the way you spoil your baby!If you continue in this way, you will soon be the top engineer of my company.
CommunicationLevel Four
My FeelingsI’m disappointed because you failed the examI’m so happy that I could burst.I’m absolutely satisfied with your work.More revealing of selfFirst level of a more intimate conversationShared between close friends, married couples, parents and children, employer-employee
CommunicationLevel Five
Deep, Intimate CommunicationPossible between spousesBetween parents & childrenBares the feelings in an attempt to understand the other personDeeper communication that is possible because of shared relationships, memories and experiences
Communication
Good Communication means:
Sharing thoughts and feelingsExpressing your loveClearly stating your intentionsListening and responding correctly
CommunicationCommunication
TipsAvoid
NeverAlways
Avoid indirect and non-specific conversation
Be direct (esp women)Say what you mean
Take turns talking and listening in order to have an enjoyable conversation; don’t interruptDon’t use the silent treatment
CommunicationCommunication
TipsAvoid criticism and negative talk
Focus on encouraging talkParents need to learn this #1 skill in building confidence of children
Maintain good eye contactShifty eyes denote lack of interest/dishonestyAnger/broken relationship
If you don’t understand or think the other person does not understand you, clarify and paraphraseSet aside time for communication and work on it—it’s worth it!
Communication
Principles to Understand and Use InformationPrinciples to Understand and Use Information
4. Body Language
Openness Defensiveness
Evaluation
Suspicion
Insecurity Cooperation Confidence
Nervousness
Frustration
Communication
5. The Cry for Help5. The Cry for Help
6. Listening Techniques6. Listening Techniques
ASK the right questions
DO NOT pry
DO NOT be afraid of silence
Communication
WAYS OF WAYS OF RESPONDINGRESPONDING
Evaluating -- deciding whether right or wrong
Eh, there’s nothing wrong with you!
No need to cry; remember, you are a man and men don’t cry!
Communication
WAYS OF WAYS OF RESPONDINGRESPONDING
Evaluating -- deciding whether right or wrong
So, what are you going to do about it?
Let me tell you what the real problem is.
This is what you should do.
Communication
WAYS OF WAYS OF RESPONDINGRESPONDING
Evaluating -- deciding whether right or wrong
A lot of people go through this same thing.
Never mind, just forget all about it.
This is God’s will.
Communication
WAYS OF RESPONDINGWAYS OF RESPONDING
Hollow listening: listening WITHOUT respondingNo evaluationPay attentionIndicate involvement by nodding
head or saying “uh-huh”, “yes”
Communication
WAYS OF RESPONDINGWAYS OF RESPONDING
Hollow listening: listening WITHOUT respondingSometimes say “I understand” or “I
think I understand”
CommunicationWays of
Responding
Evaluating (deciding whether right or wrong)Hollow listening (listening without responding)
Communication
WAYS OF RESPONDINGWAYS OF RESPONDING
Responding with understandingListen to the total
communicationwordsnon-verbal (body language)tone and other cues
Communication
WAYS OF RESPONDINGWAYS OF RESPONDING
Responding with understandingTry to understand
The personality The backgroundThe current mood or needs of the person
Try to identify the feelings of the person
Communication
WAYS OF RESPONDINGWAYS OF RESPONDING
Responding with understandingExpress understanding of the
feelingsRespond by showing
understanding from that person’s point of view and NOT by evaluating
CommunicationFormula for Responding with Understanding
You feel ___________ (insert a “feeling” word) because __________ (insert the person’s experience)
CommunicationWays of
Responding
Evaluating (deciding whether right or wrong)Hollow Listening (listening without responding)Responding with Understanding
Communication
REVIEW
Responding with understanding involves
Listening to the total communication Trying to understand the personality,
background and needs of the person Identifying feelings behind what the
person is saying Expressing understanding of the
feelings Responding by showing understanding
from that person’s point of view and NOT by evaluating