Collaboration in the workplace.notes

NVC – Collaboration in the Workplace 1. Intro questions

a. What is your vision for workplaceb. What do you want to learnc. What can you contribute

2. Visonsa. Collaborative spirit that runs though – makes more efficient.

i. Appear easy and practical. 3. The Fine Art

a. No job descriptionsb. Economy cratered – everyone acting out of fear, implemented health

plans, c. Venture cap – create a collaborative process.

i. Fulfill mission of organizationii. Get investment.

d. High cost of prevailing. i. Is winning at expense of others

4. The Empathy Factor – buy this!!a. Published soon.

5. Is NVC a business process?a. Empathy trust->profit, productivity, success

i. Trust is just key -- Wired to Care, by Doug - - ---, about widespread systematic empathy to customers.

ii. Will facilitate your productivityb. Empathyengagement profit, productivity, success

i. Sense of more participationc. “In the empathy closet” – there is a way to speak about and turn into a

business process. i. not light

ii. not in alignment with businessiii. hottest word in the workplace in next 5 years (?)

1. Cisco – inability to separate business systems from collaboration.

iv. NVC – leverage brand as a way to get there. 1. More authenticity and more empathy.

d. Hole in research about empathy – how do you teach and create it as a trainable skillset.

1. Congruence in team and unity. e. Universal human needs, a companion to universal collaborative needs. f. NVC

i. Is the whole, not anyone in the market or business that has a repeatable, except NVC.

ii. Marshall merely named it and organized it.iii. She added Integrated Clarity

1. Place where all the same.

2. Corporations are largest infrastructure today. It is the fabric of today. Regularly in contact with something made by or a communication from a corporation.

iv. Organization Needs1. Right to exist – may be too big2. Best methods of engaging systems3. Open to feedback

g. Universal needs i. Of people

ii. Of organizations1. What about profit? In NCV, money not a need, but a

way of meeting needs. People off the grid don’t need it.2. Non profits more focused on need – constant fear. 3. Source Needs

a. Identity – when are clear about identity, automatically identify of market niche without even trying.

b. Demming – vast number or problems are not people problems, but systems problems.

i. People not clear, own idea of mission that is expressed as conflict

ii. Put in competitioniii. Solving symptoms v. source of problem,

then let it self correct. c. Life-Affirming Purpose— source of protection,

i. Need to be clear about what is serving. EG, Kathy lee Gifford line

d. Direction - be clear, have direction. Be clear about where are and what finish line is.

i. Interpersonal conflict takes over. Give a finish line -- is kind.

4. People in these organizations need structure. Structure comes organically

a. Decision Making Spectrumb. Clarity about authorityc. Gradience of agreement – hear needs behind

conflicts, yeses, and noes. Compare to dominance model.

h. Energy, Structure, Expression, i. When an employee not functioning well, call manager into

office to see what is going on?ii. Energy/Profit: Not the sole goal. About sustainability and

fiduciary duty for reasonable profit. Not about getting profit at expense of others.

1. Personal sustainability and groupiii. Who takes NVC on? How do make this happen.

1. Experience (NGO’s, Jim Hays, CEO) is that when able to show up in that consciousness and then it doesn’t matter.

a. Meet them when they are. (not sitting in a circle)i. No “F” word

b. Academia is far more hierarchy and judgmental than anyplace else.

iv. All actions in service of own needs. v. Is 3% enough? Einstein

vi. Expression: when clear about identity, people know who they are, then market knows who we are. Not in competition.

1. Who can you create a program so that all voices can be heard? Community outreach – Huge effort that Arizona Dept of Transportation. Applied Empathy – eg, when being told that have to move because eminent domain. “not being done to them”. A lot at stake when tell a small business have to move because everything at stake (retirement, life savings, etc).

i. Intrapersonal – talking to selvesj. Interpersonal—what we think others tell us

i. Very few of processes make it into the organizational realm. 6. Summary:

a. Nov and integrated clarityb. The hub of empathy in the workplace

i. Once get the universal organizational needs, then easy to plan strategy – can be more profitable etc. may not know that collaboration is a means of being more profitable.

c. Integrated clarity: NVC is at the root is universal human needs that we all share. When this is understood then can meet all needs (team needs) not at the expense of others.

d. What are the organizational needs. i. Confusion – when our teams needs this? Through universal

organizational needs, distinguish between needs and strategies. Productivity is actually a strategy.

1. Needs can be in service of larger universal needs. 2. Organizations don’t tell you anything. Just the systems

that are set up to communicate.3. Numbers are the second language in organizations.

a. Don’t use words to describe numbers. In NVC, use the numbers not the judgment “really unprofitable”

b. Changing very esoteric things into pictures. c. Have to make clear to everyone clear what is

happening. Process of making observations in NVC.

4. Ask people about perceptions of organizations as a whole is the closest way to measure whether an organization need is being met.

5. Only way can understand whether org need met (over time)

a. Numbersb. Collective perception

ii. How can do I track, in this moment what the organization needs?

1. Numbers2. Collective perception

e. See workplaces in which people can show up in their full humanness (depending), and where there is actions. Workplace is about doing something. Want to use empathy to create action. Tricky if only about feelings and expressions thereof over a period of time.

f. Empathy connected to empathic connection. Native American: first time listen, second time give suggestions, third will turn away

g. Explosive – cry for help. “filling in” before group comes together. i. Essential – one to one work

ii. Organizational need – this is where they meet. Is very intimate act. Are more drawn together. Interpersonal issues can melt away.

h. Have to be willing to walk away from a contract over certain conditions that would benefit the client.

i. Letting go with grace and humbleness. 7. Coaching for Empowerment

a. When you are stuck – love the client. b. NVC changed the way Martha coaches. Enough to rebuild connection,

sync the relationship. c. Step into shifting the self judgment, own own power.d. Coaching is an easy structure to bring nvc to the workplace.

Organizations often willing to pay for coaching. Coaching each other i. Shifts hierarchical structure

ii. Opens people up (empathic action comes from action), people move into completing action plans out of true commitment.

iii. Think about impact can have in the world – can be ready for the things like the tragedy in AZ, Japan.

1. Eg of an org – don’t talk to each other in hallway, and profitable and committed to saving lives.

2. “I talk so much” what could this be about? What is it, I need appreciation? Held a sacred space for this experience. One basic, core need: Love. Know you have it. Don’t have to build the trust, its there.

3. Martha Lasley has really been grieving missing the NVC community. (communication = community)

4. Pure wave of energy brings in

5. Feelings that are ok in the workplace: concerned, frustrated, upset, disappointed, happy, irritated

iv. Language that connects1. Observations->highlights2. Feelings-> gut reactions3. Needs-> concerns4. Requests - > strategies

v. Example: a guy walks in NBA player (former), are you ready to be tingled?? (NCV consciousness – tingly).

vi. Each get a couple hours of coaching. Do role plays before important conversations.

vii. Listening for Values – hold over a long time, v. right now =need.

1. Accomplishment2. Adventure3. Catalyze4. Challenge5. Contribution6. Innovative7. Environment

viii. Micky—easier a sense of having a values and internal. Harder for people to acknowledge needs, sounds external, which is hard.

ix. In organizations, easier to talk about values, but not as rigorous.

e. GROW Coaching Modeli. Goal

1. What do you want2. What are you excited about3. What’s important right now4. What results do you want long term5. Deep down, what matters most (about needs)

ii. Reality1. Can use for empathy here. More palatable for

organzations. 2. Whats important about your goal3. How do you feel4. What is your biggest concern?5. What needs are at stake?6. If that need were met, wthen what need would be

important7. What needs have kept you from realizing this goals so

far8. Who else is affected9. What are their needs10. Love social entrepreneurs – people, planet, and profit

iii. Options1. What are some ways to get your needs met?2. How coud you meet the most needs for the most peope3. What are some of the ways you could approach you?4. What if you had unlimited resources?5. What if you could start all over?6. What if you know you’d succeed – then what?

iv. Way forward1. Which options would be most life serving2. How will you get started3. What recourseces do you need4. Who can help5. What empowering accountability structure would

support you?v. Listen for feelings and needs an what would I would ask?

1. Meaningful, creativity, trust, claritya. What does perfect set up (3-4 years)– farm with

horses2. Sensual experience about riding a horse – experience

telling that is alive in a natural sense.a. Intellectual beingb. Natural being

3. Being totally in your body – experience v. inspiration. Passion – needs passion in her work. Intellectual challenge – creative and inspiring part and sense of challenge – cross country (adrenalin) – living in the moment.

4. Can hold that can have both at same time – intellectual, creativity, natural.

5. Pottery – sensual, tactile, earth, not abstract, physical energy. Also a concept behind it.

a. Invite to get dirty – how can you get all your needs met?

b. Could do bits of all of them or could integrate all of them. What would that look like? What if had unlimited resources, what would look like? Stay with spookiness – what is core underlying need? Safety/unknown/lack of experience.

6. One foot in safety and security and need from freedom and structure and safety.

7. What are you going to do now that you have identified these sweet values.

8. Inner trust9. What is the next step? Finding something meaningful to

do

a. You don’t have to give me the stuff about the past,

10. If new the strategy, what might it be? Try things out/do things. Perfect SP way of doing it.

11. Acknowledge courage and desire to look within. 12.Use the empathy to move into action by identifying

needs, getting to values, a lightness and energy about clarifying needs.

13.Use the open ended questions 14.What one action are you to commit to by 5 pm next

Friday? 15. Who are you meant to serve? 16. How do we leverage and build capacity?

8. Open Dialogue – how to sell NVC in business sectora. Julia: how would you sell the NVC model so that they see the value? b. Can’t mandate that will do NVC – like natural attraction, so can

introduce on offsite retreats. The best way to bring NVC to organization and to do and let others see how great it is.

i. Eg, not healthy to be reactive if want really good communication. With NVC recognize that both listening and being heard is important. Warrior v. wizard archetype. Wizard is being in a place of “love”.

1. For hire CEO v. founding CEO. The effect of answering to a board of directors.

c. Patrick – comparing to Feldenchrist. Ask what they want and give empathy. Trick to listen.

d. Dennis – how do you get in the door? Austin, its the grievance process. Everyone has a complaint. First step, restorative circle. . . . How do you charge? Teach in every department to teach this.

e. How do you get the invitation: business partner knew someone. . . first step through other connections,

i. Questions: how could your job be easier? Just listen. . .ii. Listen very carefully, and am interested.

iii. Robert – teach financial advisors to listen because most are not being heard.

iv. Patrick – find out what is behind the need. Money just represents something.

f. 10-minute animation for NVC and business. g. Robert: NVC buried within the training, not named. High net worth

individuals want someone that that they connect with. i. How do you introduce to an organization that is having

conflict? Focus on what they would get as benefits. ii. Hook NVC with values on the company?

h. Listen well to language so meet where they are. Intrinsic motivation, how do you get to be passionate about what do? Draw a map of what else.

i. Robert – talk someone else’s languages – organizations have needs. EG, energy, structure, identity, purpose, mission, alignment. Do they have a good purpose or mission statement that people really know what it does.

j. Patrick – workplace. What about expressing gratitude as a way motivate people the cutting edge of where Pat is going. Positive side of NVC.

k. Express gratitude focus on what is good and positive. One gratitude worth 10 avoided conflicts.

l. Is NVC manipulation? V. communication that gets people to do what they want to do. People come together is because want to solve common problems.

m. Help people find what they really want. This is the difference between the manipulation v. NVC.

n. Do you need cooperation to get your needs met? Not always visible, offer examples such as these (flushing toilet, doing everything) and then ask where cooperation lies in work process. Make cooperation and collaborative visible in the organization.

o. What is the point of introducing NVC if don’t identify. p. How do you present in a way so that really resonates with people?

i. Communication skills – start talking like a CEO. Tapped into his need and desire to grow.

ii. Patience is a hard thing. iii. Culture eat strategies for lunch. NVC is just a strategy. How do

you introduce into a culture and maintain. Ongoing narrative. 1. Leader keeps it alive. Compare to E-Myth and Maslow’s

hierarchy of needs to organization. Again, founder v. hired CEO.

2. Room for the person who wasn’t the founding CEO can still have same kind of passion for introducing NVC to organization. And yet, distinguish between someone who has purposely created a culture.

q. Dennis: emphasizing the importance of listening rather than categorizing people.

r. What does each of us mean introduce NVC into workplace?i. EG, Julia, connect to their needs, and live by it. Will help

employees find meaning in what they are doing. ii. Jean-Philipe – bring change to culture. Do it through to

coaching, doesn’t say NVC when do at team or company level. 1. Distinguish between looking for a white space and

developing a product and offering up solution to a particular problem.

2. Trying to create value by finding a need v. being passionate about what you offer.

s. Restorative Dialog – when you have said something that need to clean up.

t. Cloak the giraffe in jackal’s clothing. Is a nomenclature problem. u. Agreeing on a nomenclature important for presenting to the rest of

the world.v. Conversation about gratitude – great entry way to open hearts. w. Intrinsic motivation.x. Ceo’s have soles.

9. First Session Friday – Greg Kendricka. Wound company down. Deal with salary cuts. What joyful level could

you still be employed here. Not a top down, but a collaboration. Each group had a budget, then let each department decide

i. A woman volunteered to leave because not the job she needed. ii. Hold the pain so that still human.

iii. Everyone stayed with him as long as needed. b. Bring this process into the business world. Greg experienced as a

calling. c. Need to have life about what you do. d. When do a training – 15 percent get it, a bunch get it sort of, others it

was just an ok experience.10. Levels of needs consciousness

a. Get connected to own needs. Most of the time are unconscious of needs, and are reactive. Want to be connected to needs, making choices out of needs.

i. Needs awareness is a skill set. ii. First – I

iii. Second – Youiv. Third – We

b. In a traditional organization – the CEO is “it”, the one that matters. c. The idea of a shared purpose, it is what intrinsically matters to me, it

becomes part of the organization. Held accountable to the shared purpose. Mutually accountable. The people not held in people, held in circles of people.

i. Rules of the thumb – translate into needs1. No power over -> mutuality, inclusiveness2. No secrets ->intrinsically valuing human needs. Holds

human needs as a purpose. Willingness to value purpose but not at expense of human needs. But not as a means to an end. Not a means of enhancing domination. The structures are what we need to change. Torn don’t want to give another tool to manipulate people. When in a group, qualitatively a difference that create as a basis that “WE” value human needs. Needs are purely human being – thus, org doesn’t have needs. There is a surge of power when

3. No privilegeii. Intrinsic needs of groups vitality. Not the need of an it, but the

need of the we. Always back to humanness of needs.

iii. The living organism is the we.iv. How do we create, add people and have people leave. It is

dynamic. Celebrate everyone – even if someone leaves because hold the needs of the of we and needs of the individual.

v. Focal point is needs consiousness. Then have fabric of community.

1. Accountability is mutual – towards shared purpose. 2. Working relationships matter. 3. Fierce quality – need it, not an aggressiveness.

Authenticity, clarity of purpose of and role, actions, results, and structure. Is about coming alive in selves. If show up even at the cost of job, you circle is bigger. If make a decision out of fear, worried because not connected to needs. If act out of fear and are connected to needs, it is something to celebrate.

4. Gentle- mutual understanding, empathy, inclusiveness. vi. Shared purpose: including life. Also want human needs to be

included. vii. Needs consciousness, not just a project.

d. Sociocracy – e. Consciousness is the limiting piece. f. Moving Forward v. Getting it right?g. Intention: mutual undestanding, fulfill purposeh. Attention: present moment, observations, feelings, needs, requesti. Culture: living, human Sytem, OSG Governance, Power with

leadershiopj. Ownership: personal domain, personal aim, CEO of your own domaink. Personal Devlepment: Fulfill purpose, domain

11. Mickya. Have to present NVC as an efficient process. b. Key breakthrough is that we cannot create a world on the basis of

everyone doing what the feel like, but can what they are willing to do. i. Colloquial way to express a need.

ii. Story of nephew banging to floor (3 years old)1. Are you willing to not bang on the floor2. I am willing but don’t want to. Why? Because it is not

waking me up. Incredible clarity. iii. Point is that NVC not always fun. If find willingness then

everything will work. EG, give whatever moved to give at restaurant. Always resistance, never fails.

c. What is willingness?i. Is a spectrum. Idea of threshold – make requests at different

levels of thresholds. ii. Necessary level of willingness, relative to level of need. EG.,

Japanese workers willing to expose selves to radiation which will lead to cancer.

iii. How do we deal with willingness?1. What contributes to willingness?

a. More know that needs matter, more willing to do something.

b. The more an able to hear others needs, the willingness will have to meet their needs.

iv. NEEDS: sometimes don’t need to articulate needs, an assuption of good will (passing the salt), if resists, then drop to a different level. THUS, don’t want processes that are not necessary. Use as few words as possible to get to the finish line.

v. Include all the needs that are present. Doesn’t make it harder because when connect and take ownership needs. Efficiency – if only take two minutes, but punished for next three years, you wasted your time. If spend 10 min on a decision and everyone on board, saved teime.

d. Stay away from notions on fairness because boxes things in. Not about what is fair, is about what is possible. Need willingness and enough trust. When facilitate decision, hold process tightly, outcome lightly.

e. Simulation: it department in a company. Entrusted with developing a new data base and website system. 20% cut in the budget. How do we respond to it.

i. Power means don’t hear no oftenii. Promise that have a decision or clarity about next steps within

a particular time frame.iii. Power structure – notice that use to get information.iv. Collect the needs, don’t attach to any one person because then

not everyone owns it. Biggest group for needs.v. Also, then break into smallest possible groups to come up with

solutions. Pick most passionate and include opposing points of view.

vi. Can’t just go with wherever the empathy is. vii. A solution that is too early risks excluding needs.

viii. Don’t have to hear everyone’s physical voice to get all needs. Just ask if there is anything else so don’t hear everyone says the same thing.

ix. Use your language (Not NVCish, but in language that they can hear.

x. Could be lines of controversy (not clear because zipped through it). Pick the group, tell that because hold all the needs of the group. Multirepresentative of group.

xi. Creative phase: hold the needs as the containerxii. More willing to have someone stretch towards me, the

more important it is.

xiii. How much time has, demonstrate the threshold of willingness? This is information that lets me know how to .

1. How many have any discomfort proposal2. How many have significant discomfort3. How many have strong enough discomfort that want to

air concerns (fewer and fewer people)4. How many people are absolutely unwilling to live with

this. 5. Is so unwilling to live with this, would resign. 6. This means that will anticipate resistence. Tomorrow’s

decision their needs must be met or loose their trust that their needs matter.

7. Then ask if willing to go forward at cost of losing Lenore.

a. If boss willing to live with it. Then ask if rest of group willing to lose Lenore.

8. Handling Objections: Did we miss a need? A new need?a. It could be that the objector has an idea, that

doesn’t work as well for rest of group but adopted nonetheless because are going with willingness. Lenore – dig deeper, note willing to take a pay cut. Not with efficiency

b. Facilitation choice point: can get her to connect with need for efficiency. Distinction between preference and what willing to live with.

c. What are willing to live with – can start moving. Ask if connected with desire for efficiency? Work for it, until she shifts, or that others will shift. She is really speaking ot taking more time to explore more.

d. Keep looking for where the openness is and where willingness is.

e. Sympathize with the needs. Key is the shared ownership of all of the needs. Has to maximize the needs.

f. Process if have three different proposals -- temperature

i. Same willingness thresholds questions. ii. Go with option that has least strong

objections. iii. If a large group, have work together, and

then only the themes. g. The less power have the more Micky doubts yes. h. Concerns that always granting concessions –

offline conversation

i. Can also listen to proposals, but will draw the principles from it. Don’t want to fight with people about it.

j. Making collaboration real –year long program. 12. What makes collaboration effective in Corporations

a. Enroll people in training. Have about 30-60 min, max.b. Choose language that are comfortable with?c. Co-facilitate so that model collaboration. Discover what learning.

Have to love each other, even in challenging moments. d. NVC for change management. How to integrate two corporations.

Involves introducing one website for entire company. How could NVC impact relationships? This group, a consultant. High level of conflict. Conflict gives rise to high level of engagement. 5 days, one day every 6 months, 2 hours of coaching per month. Make the training specific to needs. 6 hours training a day. Allow to join via videoconferencing, actual practice on real issues

i. NVC-about real solutions meeting everyone’s needs.ii. “Real play” for issues come up – work on real issues. They

loved it. iii. Phone conversations while on showering. Just crazy. Actually

resolving issues. iv. Preinterviews of an hour – already a combination of empathy

and coaching. Get languaging and live situations. Integrate into design. Build trust. “Grin F’ed”. Language, supports credibility. Get org charts, descriptions of jobs, etc. do they even have it?

v. No jargon, no giraffe, no jackal.vi. Avoided multicultural issue.

vii. Example – lost sense of humor. They got what it like to lose sense of humor. This is what is like to live in another culture.

viii. Harvest v. recap. Don’t use NVC language. Use language, sports metaphors,

ix. Give list and then ask which ok to use in a business environment. Tone down terrified to concerned.

x. Empathy buddies: doesn’t work for everyone. xi. Team building as a direct result of NVC buddies.

xii. Matrix, metrics, silos. xiii. Pace of speech – slow it down when really want them to get it.

Skilled at recapping. xiv. Values, strategies, positions, xv. Warm them up. Once they get what its about, when see that is

effective, use it. Ask for empathy. They just care that it works. xvi. If given empathy on vision – then they get it.

xvii. Five things would never say – don’t forget to swear is authentic. Don’t swear English not first language

1. Consciousness – use awareness/mindset

2. Jackal – inner critice. Want collaboration, not NVC. “That stuff works”. When there is a

quality of connection, what ready to pay for. f. Huge prep – standard. Bill as much for day of training as for prep.

Extensive conversation with key player. Need a sponsor, will go to bat for you. Combination of luck, grace, and talent.

g. What did he say? He didn’t listen well. Was going be up or out, so highly motivated, got promoted. Coached a peer that had difficulty. Everyone measured on engagement. Had a high score compared to others in organization. Changed the relationship with teenagers, spouses, etc. most powerful way to learn nvc is in community.

h. Strong emotions surface, how deal with it: surfaced more in the coaching. Deep work in the coaching sessions.

i. Demoi. What happened there? Not just stuck “big nose”

ii. What do you want right now?iii. What request could you make?

1. Connection request v. strategy request2. Ask what was going on for Jeff?3. Anything what to name about experience, debrief their

experience. In front of everyone, transparency. Have the bosses in the training with the DRs.

4. Is there any learning about NVC or this process? iv. Real play – learning from it,v. The whole room can change.

vi. Ask to -- Jot down connection requests would you make? vii. Kinsetic and somatic? What is going on in our body?

13. Marie’s session – helping with specific issuesa. Issue I – US forest service. Lots of money from BLM sale of land. Build

visitor center, educational programs. Etc. goal is to have them respect the mountain, use the place, don’t respect and care for it. Funding to build the facility but not to operate. Nonprofit to care for. Chairman doesn’t have any land management background. He doesn’t share the values, where going, etc.

i. What would Bob like to see happen? ii. Creating a nonprofit that will model the collaboration that will

take place. Support from people to keep going. FS owns building. FS very hierarchical.

iii. Making collaboration real on so many levels. iv. Basic mission statement. v. Marie –a strategy, look at what is going on own intrapersonal

levels, then interpersonal, vi. What would really foster collaboration – invite all parties,

create in the vision together, begin collaboration. What gifts do each person bring, org gifts? Start from an appreciative sense.

vii. When complexity, sort through lenses of intrapersonal, interpersonal, group/organizational.

viii. Model collaboration, don’t just talk about it. They will be annoyed if you don’t just do it.

1. So look at obstacles -- views of chairman so that love him and others at the table.

2. I am curious to understand what is going on?3. “enemy images” – when hold onto a negative image,

without connecting, not likely that will get anywhere.4. Sadness about people not buying into the mission.

ix. If don’t have the formal power, only skill and love that will buy you the results you want.

x. Getting rid of enemy image: 1. What are the judgments2. What’s going on beneath it for me?3. What is the needs?4. Compassion and judgment don’t live in same space. 5. Humanize other person, what is going on them.

Physically imagine stepping into their shoes. 6. What are they saying yes to? Another need. 7. Release any sense of attachment to a particular result.8. Does discussion of collaboration feel like a demand to

them? xi. Key points: enemy image in the way. Intrapersonal.

xii. If attached to outcome, then result is not really a result of attachment. Need at least one person to hold this space. If have a picture of how “should” work. Have clear vision, be willing to let it go. Like a wet bar of soap.

b. Another issue: hope and dream, some celebration about the change, working on self. Seeking is more on a organization part of ring. How tweak. Small company, redundancy of mission. Customers now want total seamless solutions.

i. Whole new decision making structure. ii. Every group has to have a vision.

iii. Compensated based on customer satisfactioniv. Balance agility and meet the need for comprehensive solutions,

taking everyone’s views into account. v. Think in terms of principles and needs instead of details.

Increasing agility and inclusiveness are the needs. vi. Could be that increasing connection increases trust so may be

that could do this to maintain agility. vii. How do you scale in a 75K person company?

viii. Congruance have in this moment “its all about me”ix. Struggling with the risk that top willing to take, fear of middle

managers, bottom want to connect.

x. Almost everything begins with the core. When it looks like its on the outside, start with you, and see how.

c. How to make collaboration real, especially in an environment that is embracing any of the principles. Owner committed to hierarchy. Fear with employees. She wants more power with, inclusion, that others’ needs matter.

i. Release self from notion that this is only workplace for you. ii. Become CEO’s best friend. It’s a lot a work – may not be a fit.

Give her that place of trust, then practice empathy skills, iii. Can you exercise leadership from belowiv. when don’t like

1. can tough it out2. leave3. collaborate4. fight

d. conditions for successi. give up the thinking that there is something wrong with

organization, be with it as it is. ii. Identify feelings and needs. Open the door to see what is going

on with her. Find compassion and empathy. iii. Trapped in a diagnosis of narciscism. iv. Smaller the group is (25-30), one ripple can go a long way.

Look for an opening from her. The structure is set up, unless some sense of way for her to see value for herself. If bigger is a lateral chance for influence. Choice to work where contribution to make a change.

v. Micky – certain mass of willingness. Either CEO has willingness or all the employees come to you with desire to change.

vi. Nugget -- confirmation that conditions and that may not be workable. Conditions for success increase the conditions for success.

14. Day 3 – recap of yesterdaya. We have these needs in the room.

15. Sharing NVC at High Altitude – Ulrich Nefa. What happens when air thins? Technical skills are wobblier. Similar

phenomenon when leaders move up in org. the job they felt had facility and ease with is a lot harder.

b. Have to know, speak CEO. c. What he does: So, . . . what does making collaboration real look like by

on Day 3? Willingness of more than one person/group to work toward a goal. Hope that more than one person can make a better decision. By in from beginning, implementation is much more smooth. Letting all the needs matter and needs that support us in coming together. Think about the energy of the process. Being heard.

d. Explain to clients: in to make organizations work well have to wrok at three levels at same time

i. Individualii. Team

iii. Organizatione. Because have to be work on all three to get. Shortage has to do

individual level. How do I think of self and what I do in service of what?

f. What worries/frustrates you most about today’s top leaders? Be curious about what do and why.

i. Reducing fearii. Willingness to compromise the well being of people and planet

to achieve short term goals. iii. Worry that own work/life goals are viewed with suspicion and

that you are not committed to organization goalsiv. Walk their talk. v. Enemy images – the enemies are us. Because a lot of distance

between their reality and our reality. vi. Fake alignment/devisiveness

vii. We select the leaders and we do. The way select, organizations, etc.

viii. Little self awareness/EI/intelligence or wisdomix. White males that are not in touch of feeling. Juries tend to

select the whitest male with highest education, Ask, why do these things happen? Be curious

x. Secrets, power, and privilegeg. One thing you would love to change about the experience of working

in organizations? i. When at USC, not good at, didn’t give a shit, and why can’t org

implement strategies? People were miserable? ii. How do you make the experience of work better? Either play

in bottom or middle, or play at the top, the lion’s den. Top people can make the most difference. How do you make organizations less painful.

iii. Hope that change can happeniv. Greater transparency with who is actually making decisionsv. Create the shared reality. Put the stream of data about what

the organization experience. Workers are like mushrooms – in the dark and with lots of shit thrown on them.

vi. Trust in the wisdom on the collective and creating the shared reality.

vii. “hang with the sherpas” -- invite the CEOs down to hang out with everyone else.

viii. Culture of empathy. h. Ulrich’s background

i. Strategic planning in med center. Domain of organizational psychology. Organizations and cells (biology) have a lot in common. Teach leaders to tap into fact that are complex adaptive living system. A lot of what doing is educating about systems in a way that it makes money. Have to serve making money. If shared decision making etc will have better market info. Really contributes to success.

ii. Corporate America is about making money. Food company example. Top mfg team around global production of particular. Wanted to organize around 20% PBT (profit before taxes). What you make, I put in my body. What would inspire you? If all about money, then I don’t want to buy your products. Funny and tragic. How much connection are you getting is this is what you think? Why are you choosing you do it by making food?

iii. At end of the day, strategy is about delivering intention. iv. Art that trying to practice is trying to get eople to think about

meaning, rather than moneyv. Stand on bridge, are a psychologist to help people and

implement strategies. vi. Influencing factors – having children and NVC. NVC gave a very

simple way to understand human nature. If reframe NVC as a way to think about human beings, then will create a lots of possiblities. Mental model for human nature. Don’t “do NVC” to people.

i. TIPS:i. Connection – where does the connection come from. He says,

let me talk to you about what the problems. Way do this keeps him working in organizations for years.

1. Help to solve real problems. All of it resides in fundamental nature of human beings. Its all about communication, trust, etc. . .

2. How do get them to tell the truth? Its not about the consultant. Why is it that truth is scary? Do it is they don’t hurt each other and not afraid.

a. Collect data about organization, share with CEO in private and then he shares with others.

b. What are you trying to do? What are you trii. Any good strategy: Customers, offerings, make money,

how do you compete, which is a moving target. 1. Money is oxygen, then no jackal issues about money. 2. Competition is service? 3. One train is the structure we have, until new train

shows up, on this train. But still on competitive capitalism train.

a. Winston Churchill: gotta love US, after they try everything, they do the right thing.

b. Make them less of an assholes. Think of as human beings the best can be. Stuck in systems that don’t do what to do. Are decent people.

4. Our ability to hold great paradox is important. iii. Increased bottom line: less turnover, happier, more creative. iv. Examples of how position and how engage senior execs. Tap

into insights about human nature. 1. Teams: how to talk about in a way that adds value. Are

complex systems, lets understand how work. They often think are like a machine, lots of insights that is a complex adaptive organization.

2. Innovation: comes from conflict between what doing and what want. Needs. Blockbuster, blip on screen, Netflix. Kills innovation if can’t handle conflict. Uncertainty of ideas etc. EG, Hershey PA, biggest problem is that been successful selling chocolate. Did you buy two high end chocolate companies. Innovation for them is getting into healthy food and going global. Can they really do the former? Conflict

3. Think about PBT, unit of production is relationships. Not on balance sheets. Are you managing them?

4. HR- is having a lot of pain because they are in charge of managing departments. Many afraid ot try. Are hungry to make bigger contribution.

v. Umanity – how can you get people to be more explicit to how humans work.

1. Animus2. Mysticism3. Homo ecomonics4. Next—around empathy!!

vi. The black box: 80% of MBA’s didn’t give a shit. Draw what is the in box after watch poor water into black box.

1. Most of their models SUCK, so adopt mine.2. If humans matter, what is mental model of human

nature of how work, gave the model of the economist. Humans have finite number of human needs (11). A clear view of human nature, use for own purpose.

3. Solve the black box around what is trust.a. Relationships not strong, etc. then ask what is

trust? Eg, son asked. “I don’t know what trust is, but it’s a great question, let me get back to you”

i. Model – roof of house is stuff. Foundation is safety, emotional, physical,

reputational. Next, integrity: do what you say you are going to do, do the right thing. Mutuality/shared reality: when make decisions that impact me am I there. Competence:

ii. Then, if having a problem, then have a problem. Encourage to use the mental model that NVC gives you in service of solving organizational problems.

iii. When first learned NVC, very excited. Use with friends, relatives, colleagues, was bad.

iv. Think about human nature, not NVC. That person is not an asshole, but a human with the same needs.

4. Stuff I am working on aa. Top leader isolation. They don’t see it. Self

knowledge really key. The more powerful get, more isolated, surrounded by yes men and are dead. Is a killer. Don’t know market, resources.

b. Efficiency v. humanity: the bigger get, more hollow out and become a machine.

c. Tyranny of the black box: if don’t have a mental model for how organizations and teams, tehn can’t work.

5. TIP: create a shared reality. 6. Use self as instrument. If you are confused as the

facilitator, others likely are. If are triggered, lead with curiosity ask question: ask how it would be if person was there. If internal radar, use broad. Do in service of creating connection. Don’t be caught in empathy.

7. Too many leaders come unprepared. Digging way into business schools, all think like this. No prep for leadership anywhere.

a. Think about teams differently so more effectively. Technocrats not leaders. No skills about how to work with people.

8. If hollow out the humanity, just have folks coming for a paycheck.

j. Way to create openness to use data in a constructive way is to name the pain and then offer the solutions up. Why not ready: fear, lack of clarity (outed, worried), don’t trust that leader will do the right thing with the data. Most of work with leader to prepare him to hear the data.

k. Leaders suffer from isolation, don’t know what to do about it. Finally, you can be the person to talk to about it and make progress on it. Eg,

swiss national that was helicoptered into business, swiss national never worked in California or in this industry. After 6 months, Ulrich called in because half of sr team ready to quit. How do you establish trust when he knew about to fail and stakes high.

i. Name major realities: chris, if we don’t figure out hwo to increase strength of relationship with team, game over.

ii. Use with the trust with love and empathy. Can speak very hard truths, because they experience deep respect and love have for the person.

iii. Thus, is an investment in a relationship between you and senior executive.

iv. Need systems orientation, people, team, organization,. Don’t collect feedback data and fuck it up. Have to know what you are doing – is a form of doing surgery.

l. TIPSi. Start with where the client is. Not with workshop, NVC etc

ii. Spend time in the lion’s den – try to work in top on organization. Will change your understanding.

iii. Keep workin’ on the first step. O – Observations without evaluations.

iv. Getting to the core: now have track record, drop names, from referral, training how to do this well. Quick study of the business. Asking good questions. He’s pragmatic – one thing can do by next month that will make a difference

1. Impact,2. Connection3. Is he harsh, intimidating, inflexible, sometimes wrong

16. Wes Taylor – workforce Alignment: NVC in an Urban Hospital (how to humble yourelf real quickly

a. Thought was in the lion’s den. Realigned role with what is really doing.

i. Are we about revolutionary change or evolutionary change? ii. Evolutionary change is the path.

b. White guy v. human being to human being. c. Need to focus on leadership team because only 1 of 3400. Example of

the security officer, who had a been a hostage negotiator. Empathy works – pull off if used sympathy. Theme -- just needed to be heard.

d. Psycotherapist for 15 years. Met Marshall. Focus on needs compelling. Knowing medical world etc. Had a local group of neurosurgeons ask for help. Great deal of learning.

e. Independent consultant: Mercy Medical Center, sister of mercy, slated to join in Baltimore. Worked with real people. Opportunity to work with everyone. Sister Tracey suggested NVC. Consulting before and after training.

f. Working with them in a domination structure. CEO makes vast majority of decisions. Maybe sharing of info, tell what to do. People in lion’s den want the change. Challenge is to find ways to impact.

g. Mission of Mercy – significant because of the spiritual underpinnings of what they do. Also significant that a sister who found the info close to sister in LD. Chief of OD was up for it. Thus, very powerful champions inside the organization.

h. Pilot – 9 hour training process for all staff and managers. Introduction of the training. Out of two day training – 3 hours of NVC.

i. Blended with Tai Sofia (Chinese med) Institute in Laurel MD. Language set that

ii. Large Mind v. Small Mind: 1. Conscious mind: proactive connected, consider all

needs, empowered, possibilities, always new, curious, facts & Large Story. Invite to joke and connect with it. Are connected with life or just knee-jerk. Story of human needs.

2. Small mind (jackal)iii. Empathyiv. Gratitudes.

i. Also created a steering committee, which became an accountability body.

j. Hardwiring Excellence, by Studer Inst. People defined as a goal area. k. Mistake: said was a cultural initiative rather than an operational issue. l. Found a metric/survey instrument to measure how oriented toward

compassion.m. Implemented 24 hour phone line to get feedback, trained people to

answer phone using deep empathy. Take time for basic presence. n. Clear definition of standards and behavioral expectations.

Competency checklist. Have it imbedded in system so that people know what is expected.

o. Eval conversations still very traditional, eval rather than true development based on observations.

p. Final piece to commit to rounding. Taking from the medical model. Leaders do same thing with staff. Infor exchange and HUGE emphasis on building relationships.

q. Small mind: unconscious, reaction, disconnected, ego-centric, defensive, victim mentality, stereotypes, anger, gult, shame, blame, closed story.

r. First 90 days assessment – s. here’s the haiku!

1. Compassion for sure2. Accountabilty too3. Together, brilliant

ii.1. Lead by example

t. Is it possible to maintain celebration and appreciation can the other person receive it as anything other than a reward. Bring humanity into it.

u. Saw a difference in patient satisfaction that training made.v. What Wes has done has been to integrate the departments. w. New Hire Turnover (within 12 months), how many lose: losing less in

departments where trained. x. Annual turnover: Service Excellence lower. y. Sustainability question? Get managers and skilled as possible.

Leadership academy. 11 contact hours. Hard to get any time. z. After training: once a month, leadership forum. 15/200. Also doing

management leadership coaching. Looking now to empower employee relations staff with more skills.

i. Coachingii. Monthly forum

aa. Every year a leadership development series. i. Inspire – connect with needs, core human need that will be

served. Dr. King, was on the steps not a complaint, but a DREAM.

ii. Coach: empathy, connecting with the needs, explicit about action request.

iii. Protect: at the bottom line, be fierce. At end of the day, here to save lives. Distinguish from punish.

bb. Embedded all nine hours of training into as they come into the org. cc. Backed off from onboarding because couldn’t retain. Goal is to inspire

during the abbreviated onboarding. dd. Nuts and bolts of shared governance key. ee. Choose a caring theory: loving kindness, authentic presence, use NVC

tools as a way of embodying the theory. ff. Environmental services, etc. take time for workgroup to come up with

shared purpose. This is unique and specific. Not the mission of the organization.

gg. We are passionate in creating a clearn and safe environment for the patents, . . . . ..how do you operationalize this?

i. Intregrateii. Prayer,

iii. Share how have embodied purpose – celebration. iv. Hand out tools that are informed by the depth of their

intention. Find deep source within us. v. Have to reclaim the operational side.

hh. 12 Core Learningsi. somehow despite values, etc, I have actually operated as an

expert solo. Haven’t created teams to work with. ii. Mission alighment – high status champions

iii. Training by itself is insufficient, the structures and practices eager

iv. Selecting needs-aware employees apprean more effective than developing

v. Without sufficient security, stability, and order in a org, the stable flower of compassion is unlikely.

vi. Particularly in a dominance hierarchy, leadership embodiment is critical – the effects of the consciousness of the staff can be washed away

vii. Internal communications are notoriously worse than external. viii. Demands have their place.

1. Say before talk about requests. 2. Protective force = unilateral action3. (when time has run out, -- about 20 %) 80-90 %

a. give 5 examples and have them describe what like/dislike about this.

ix. Of three levels of connection1. Intellectual recognition2. Authentic understanding and appreciation 3. Warmth and affection or healing not necessary. No

personal healing – not necessary for org effectiveness and must be named so. People need to know that not being asked to be intimate.

x. Pilots projects prove efficacy (or not) results matterxi. Time spent observing and

xii. learning their world is priceless for the training room. xiii. Promoting compassion without fiece resolve and purpose is

like going to a nude beach with your clothes on.xiv. Structures and systems are more important than appreciated.

ii. Empathy process is different than only intellectual ability. jj. Tie what are doing to business goals. kk. Zen Presentation : transfer data in a handout, power point in

discussion. ll. What had most impact: beginning to change their human operating

system. More about human needs, nature of conversations have changed.

mm. Understand conflict having through this lens. Work on expressing more directly. Then have them express authentic appreciation.

i. Have them make a statement about how contributed to difficulty. REsponsibility and accountability.

ii. What are needs that are not metiii. Reflection iv. Action steps (reflection process)

17. Moneya. Safety and security. b. Domination hierarchy counts on us not talking about it. Eg, look at

not paying women equally for the same work.

c. Japanese culture will talk about it. Tanimoshi – each family give a $1000, Lottery. Okinawan. Get money, not gifts. See for what it is – a tool for navigating through life.

d. In organizations, don’t talk about money. Enron, etc. e. Not talking about it, perpetuates power over, not power with. f. Money thought journal. What are g. The Soul of Money – Lynn Twist

i. Money flows like waterh. Never use words to talk about money, use numbers. i. Value is a perception from consumers perspective.j. $117K is national average, consultant. 4th best job to have. k. Value

i. May have to have something different or new to make up gap. ii. How does one place a $ to hour/day.

iii. So, research this. l. Unhitch money that make from wants. Make life choices so that never

have to make a decision about keeping a client based on money. i. Not a have to is a want to.

m. Hourly rate $350/hourn. Receive fully, give fully. Measure sufficiency. Marie was a

professional golfer. o. Lack and abundance – really about sufficiency. p. Don’t negotiate. q. Charge lesser rate, but so they can pay so that they can eventually

sustain themselves.r. Consider all needs – me doing, just having to s. Sometimes if they pay a higher rate, will value more.

18. Martha Young – Practical Tips NVC in govt and businessa. Dahl on Democracyb. Effective participationc. Voting equalityd. Enlightened understandinge. Control Agenda

i. Under NVC, if everyone’s needs matter, need to control the agenda.

ii. Purpose, and outcomes, work with others until get it right. Its what the community.

iii. If don’t have a clear purpose, then not giving value. iv. do this so that can prepare adequately. Don’t want to get

meetings stalled. f. Participation

i. Getting everyone’s voices in the room (WSC), get input on design,

ii. Reflect back power.g. Power levels h. Use the talking stick so internal processors time to think about it.

i. Norms of the group – eg, use talking stick or not. Modeling that we all have the same power.

j. Use the questions: what is the worst conference experience – anything that gets people talking to each other.

k. Ok to delegate, decide how long, clear and transparent about how will decide.

i. Not a power over if delegate decision making authority. ii. Spectrum of dictator -------------------consensus, consultant is

close to dictatorship. Be more honest that will tell if that will do things this way.

iii. Good coaching question: how do you think this left your staff? iv. All about the connection. v. Hear feelings and needs when its really bad.

vi. My intention is the get peace around the walkie-talkies. vii. Get that people work is not fluff.

viii. What would business impact of increasing the ix. Always link goals to the bottom line, then ask what the

value is to you. People will pay for your services. 19.Practical tips

a. Wants people to be passionate b. Bring full alivenessc. Decision making processd. Thus, everyone contributes to the process

i. If not passionate, gathering data, why and say what are going to with it. Ask him where not passionate? What do you

ii. Be sure to use the data – feed back to the group, be transparent?

iii. What would respect at work? iv. Come up with agreements/norms? If respect were occurring at

your workplace, what would it look v. Check in a month, accountable.

e. Three take awaysi. Involve others in decision

ii. Use the feedbackiii. Be transparentiv. Come up with normsv. Higher level take-aways

1. Decision making process a. Needs in the room

2. Willingness thresholds3. Power with4. What is the life serving purpose that we need?5. Purpose statement for team. 6. What is your heart’s longing

vi. System to check in 1. Where have noticed have embodied this?

2. More into existence?vii. the matrix

1. angry2. blame self, shame guilt3. empathy for self, own feelings and needs4. empathy for them. Feelings and needs for governor.

Have ideas about what to do next out of an energy of connectedness.

5. A heart connected way of connecting. 20. Sunday March 20 – Edmundo Norte – connecting and Collborating Beyond

Power and Perceptionsa. Community organizing – Conociento – have to know the person

behind the role. Have to do some conociento about self. Movie—“Stand and Deliver”. 50% drop out rate – a great teacher – they did well. Because this guy knows me, I will try. Got college scores, great, sent investigators, have to do it again, students did even better. Edmundo – because friend got into to university, he applied. Applied, got it – did they make a mistake?? EOP – education opportunity program: financial aid, from communities that typically don’t go to college.

b. In those days if you have a BA, speak Spanish, and 10 weeks of student teaching, you are in! Kindergarten and first grade combination. Most challenging students to person with least experience?? Often graduate with never having had a good teacher.

c. Would tape the novellas for parents. Came because knew I knew about their world. Focus on the whole family.

d. After 5 years lost focus – not connected. A spiritual nausea. Moved to chico so could just think (with girlfriend). Took counselor position at college – counselor and tutorial coordinator.

e. Harvard – looking for people with big brains. Drove in like Jed Clampett. Hilarious!

f. Advise – don’t try to be something great. Draw from own experience. Be yourself. Wrote about grandfather and about how important he was and how alive in him. Paper connected family and education community linked. Show up authentically – how do you bring this to more people. People discouraged PhD program. He applied anyway. He was accepted!! He didn’t feel that was a mistake. because got to know the people, the other students, teachers, everyone. Saw that just people. We’re all the same – same mix of people. Even though people looked and sounded different, they were the same. Difference was the expectations had for us along the way. Eg, never had connection with counselor. Low level expectations. At UC Irvine – expectation that study all night (midnight breakfast) and community supported. Idea that you are going somewhere.

g. Same question, east LA college v. Harvard – same question, totally different response. Interest v. making wrong. Do you feel you count?

Not just language, take in ways of framing the world and attitudes. Don’t take “Bias and Prejudice 101”, pick it up. Even when have very conscious ways of wanting to do things, have very imbedded views.

i. So if change the look – from sunglasses and denim shirt to three-piece suit. What is the change in your perception. Different modality—not just vision and impressions, how we sound, differences in accent etc, associate with different demographic. Depending on where are, will dress and sound differently but same person inside.

h. Think about police cruiser – Edmundo’s brother was beat up, woman sees “to protect and to serve” and is relieved.

i. Steven Covey – 7 habits of highly effective people. Clock is the driving force – how do we produce more. He says – ask question with where do we want to go, what is important. Replace clock with compass.

i. Body – physical self. Take care of self. If important, build into the schedule.

ii. Relationship – build into your schedule. iii. Spiritual – what feeds us, animates us, if value, put in your

schedule. Hasn’t cited sources1. Native American medicine wheel.2. Since we are in a domination society, it is all about

production, only part of the wheel. j. Dynamics of Power

i. Sensitive to many historically marginalized groups of people. ii. Charles Vurt Willie

iii. Model – power exists in all relationships – personal, organizational.

iv. Always asymmetrical relationship of power. In both positions, depending on where are. EG, teachers are in power relative to students and parents, in subordinate position relative to principle.

v. Subordinate – insight into what doesn’t work. Responsible to give voice to not working. EG, Teenagers can be very perceptive about what isn’t working, inconsistencies. Often communicate in a way that not listened too. Is also makes you vulnerable if speak up.

1. Courage required. Also a matter of capacity and skill. Can learn better strategies about how to express.

vi. In power: even with best of intentions, can change if not working, but because are not on the line, is an inherent blindness to see what is not working. NEED input from those on the line, thus responsibility to listen and do something about it. This requires compassion. Create structures for receiving the feedback. Make self vulnerable to create the connection. RARE—conventionally in subordinate position,

remain silent. Tend to speak a lot if in Dominant position, don’t listen enough typically. Most ships when organizations

1. Make vulnerable2. Listen (and do)3. This is how build authenticity and connection.

vii. This is the broad framework, will notice in certain relationships sometimes have the upper hand. Are you willing to go into the win-over mode. How do you open yourself up, willingness to open up. With best intentions, may not work, so consider other strategies that will meet more needs.

viii. Closing – building concimiento around race, class, ethnicity, is a key piece. Can develop the trust that can connect with the Corazon. Is part of shared needs. All been indoctrinated, didn’t choose it, but need each other to vulnerabley show up in full humanity and tender inabilities. There is a tender connection that will get us their.

21. Dian Killian– Collaborative Communication for Executives, a Fortune 500 Company

a. Go with the clients needs are. “peace is conflict done well”. b. Merck program was transformationalc. 12 leadership program – about to startd. Training Elements

i. Five days of Foundation training (off site)ii. One day of follow up training ech month for 6 months

iii. Two hours coaching monthlyiv. Empathy buddies, reading, journalin/judgment journal and

other between-training practice. v. Can’t do a day of training if are up for a culture change.

Struggle with courage and candor – so he was impressed when she said wouldn’t do just one day of training. Took on 6 months.

vi. Preinterviews – builds safety, connect with needs and use to create trigger statements

e. Team challengei. Silos (lack of team connection and collaboration)

ii. “lone cowboy” do it alone/martyr mentality and behavioriii. Lack of accountability and clearity regarding roles and

responsbiltiesiv. Change management: team and company-wide (merger, portal,

role changes)v. Honoring of agreement – yes really a yes

vi. Cultural differencesvii. Us V. them thinking

f. Sample complaintsi. People should be forthcoming if things aren’t feasible. (no

behind the yes)

ii. Your mission the critical success factor. 1. Listening – don’t go deep. What was really said?

iii. Don’t cut me out of the loopiv. You speak about the problem, it gets fixed, and then you have

the same problem next monthv. The only think that gets concludined is that we need another

meetingvi. Don’t expect us to jump just because you need a Change.org

Weekly your taking short cuts that are compromising the end project.

vii. So much is passive-aggressive. Everyone has an opinion.g. Training level – was at third level.

i. Need to have leader – they need to be there so that model that is important.

h. Why research was conductedi. Evidence of impact – should program be expanded in the

company?ii. To increase knowledge, understanding

iii. What are the measures? 1. Wes

a. Turnover – messy because a lot goes into this. b. Patient satisfaction/ increase profit line

2. Look at what trying to change, and then measure that?3. Is there a change in satisfaction?4. Change in culture/impact in larger ways?5. Collect at different level.

a. Control or comparison group?b. Pre-post test? Delayed post test for LT effects

6. Needed to do it within 4 months!a. Lots of logistical challenges – 3 x 45 min when

have no connection to group, wouldn’t do it.i. Research informs practice, practice informs research.j. Important because wanted to give to HR so can justify rolling program

out.k. Timing of data collection

i. Pretest – sept 2010ii. Midday- November 2010

iii. After training april 2011l. Quantitative Data (self ratings, survey format)

i. Needs met – in team work (12 needs assessed)ii. Collaborative behaviors by self and others in the team (18

behaviors)iii. How would you respond in the following situation (12

scenarios constructed)m. Qualitative Data

i. Participant Feedbacks

ii. Structured interviews (starting April 2011)n. Constructed vignettes and asked for written response – how would

you handle this?i. Were independently evaluated by NVC person who didn’t

know what group in (pre-post test). Thus, no bias in that regard.

ii. Handles fact that respondents’ answers might be biased. o. Needs Met: when you think of work with your team, how often are

you getting your needs met for you? 0= never, almost never, 5 = always or almost always

i. Opennessii. Courage

iii. Accountabilityiv. Clarityv. Appreciation

vi. Inclusion vii. learning

viii. Meaningix. Choicex. Collaboration

xi. Support xii. Vision

p. Collaborative behaviors: how frequently do you demonatrate the following dbehaviors, the team

q. Average ratings of collaborative behaviorsr. Examples of scenarios

i. You finished reading a report by a direct report on the status of your project; the changes you asked for were not implemented. This is the 2nd time. DR asks what did you think of my report? What would you say?

s. Ratings of situational Responsesi. Clarity: response conveys clear understanding of the person

and their concernsii. Constructiveness – response likely to contribute

iii. Caringt. Participant feedback

i. It is unlike other programs and effectiveii. Leverages concept that are familiar to us all but teaches us

how to apply conceptsiii. This training gives you a totally different perspective about

how to communicate at work, family, etciv. Its about making a deeper connection, listening and enhancing

collaborationv. As a result of this course our prject team is operating as a

collaborative connec teach with a common purpose. Communicationas across team memebers has improved,

meetings are much more effective, decisions are made quickly with little follow-up, and the members of a team that participated in the program speak to each other with candor and actionable requests. It works!”

u. What would collaboration look like? This came up lots in training. Called the training “Collaborative Communication”

v. MORE EFFICIENT – NOT TAKING LONGERw. 100% Yes to recommended!!x. Success Factors

i. Program designed to meet specific needs and challenges 1. Eg, how on phone, just hear, not video

ii. Multi-levels of management (reports and bosses)iii. Muli-month program with follow up training and coachingiv. Use of live issues, clear added value and team builidingv. Pacing, language, design (stacking & skill builiding)

vi. Highly interactive; real play, role play and other interactive learning (minimal observing and work sheets)

vii. Integrity: team modeling collaborationviii. Main focus: what does collaboration look like? How can you

bring collaboration into this conversation/situation?1. Eg, use coaching skills

ix. Integrating reflection, gratitude and needs-based feedback. y. How might the NVC community relate to empirical research

i. Sharing only positive resultsii. Disbelieving negative results

iii. Curiosity, being open to surprises1. Empathy guesses v. open-ended questions

a. Think about when best to use either?2. Reflecting v empathy guessing

iv. Integrating scientific findings with other ways of knowingv. Understanding the limitation of different ways of knowing

z. Shall we revive the NVC research group?i. Support resrech/evaluation of training programs

ii. Connect trainers with evealutaion/research support peopleiii. Support dissemination of results and relevant researchiv. If interested, OST session?

aa. They taller they are, the harder they fall. bb. About reducing suffering

22. Hard to deal with power differentials. Lots more need to know – sometimes want more leadership.

a. Deal with this with role playi. Authenticity and connection from vulverabilty.

ii. Is a great contribution to all. A sense of relief. b. Giving directives is consistent with power sharing. Concerned that

opposite view is what keeps NVC out. c. Frustration over mid-year reviews.

d. Look for an advocate, and then a crack in the window and take advantage.

23. The scarf as a metaphor. Think about it energetically. Facilitate what this is link, pulling, giving, letting go.

24. Empathy is crucial to program. When hear that don’t need empathy, is confusing. When give them empathy on vision on dream (when needs met), then give empathy when needs not met.

a. Some want it right away: empathy culture is he centerpiece. b. How do we hold both parties needs with care, empathy is key. c. As they start to get, embarrassed or anxious humor as ease into it.

Leads to real authenticity to of bringing emotions anyone. Often people have three feelings: good, bad and angry.

i. Playing games good? ii. Exposed to marshall because heard that used puppets.

Cracking the major problem in cultural studies. d. We are like a wolf pack – what defines the leader in the wolf pack is

that he initiates play. “lets have a real play?!” like, going swimming!! 25. Power Dynamics and NVC

a. Blind spot about power in Global NVC community. Confused about it.b. Directives compatible with “power with”c. If lead own process of group decision, what can you do to be mindful?d. Complexify the Edmundo’s model.

i. Person on top not blindii. Person on bottom not seeing all

iii. And, biggest tool for increasing power is to learn to empathize with person at top. “Empathy for the oppressor?”

e. The more aware of power dynamics, better as a facilitor. In body want to do everything can do to counter power dynamics. If manager sits in the circle, a tiny bit of counter-balancing. If are the manager, and want to create truly collaborative decision making

i. Have power as functional leaderii. Power as a facilitator, thus people have a hard time saying no.

1. Invite and encourage “No”, rely on saying no when can’t do it. So be explicit about that want. If you hear even the faintest sound of saying no,

a. Effusively say appreciate itb. And say that now can rely on “yes” c. Reward – a hard thing. Appreciate the

expression of no. d. Demonstrate that saying no is very much

appreciated. e. Where not that conscientious, a simple

acknowledgement on a day to day basis. People are in a subordinate position, being awareness.

f. Can you understand other’s position.

g. Connecting act. So tills the soil that more a possibility of connection and alignment.

h. Usually people just suffer. To miss the no.f. NCV is a language – a whole new language, making the diversity and

cultural connection, going to native American culture, “we are brothering” is dynamic and relational rather than ownership (my brother). In Japan, first form a relationship before do business. A lot of tea for one day. In US, focus on getting it done. Part of intention and process of humanizing the context. Relationship is an “end” in and of itself, not just a means. As a consequence, are living more in relationship. We are meant to live in interdependent groups.

g. Power with and directive: i. eg, in Japan, nuclear disaster, want everyone to take

instructions, and to adapt and make work. There is something about trust.

ii. Eg, event, high value to getting it perfect. Ethos was that person that is in charge of event, every does what they say they will. After event, debrief, and analyze and figure out how to do it better next time. Complete power sharing in both models?

iii. If primary need in every moment is heart sharing, there is tyranny in connection. If trust, works. Can be tyranny of everything.

1. NVC groups don’t adapt well. In production context, what is minimal connection necessary to accomplish task. Not a healing club. If in the middle of meeting get triggered, don’t know when to stop, bad. If don’t know when to stop. It is touching on the all the needs. Don’t want empathy for everything in life in life.

h. Edmundo: at very rudimentary level, subordinate positions, tend not to speak, dominant, tend to speak a lot.

i. Can also be contextual – topic of conversation. Learning to track that in this given context, which role. What is a strategy can use if really want to build a relationship. Easier if are shifting. Is there a no there? Model it, see it, do it.

ii. Being vulnerable: when we are in the power position are safer. Are not creating avenues. True, in different situations, way of expressing power. Greatest strength is vulnerability.

iii. Is room to speak a lot when in power, don’t speak the internal part, necessarily. That is one things that keeps the separation. As a manager, power structure always the same

1. If can express the needs, a. Humanizes youb. Connects people to purpose

2. If you are below, you have to have empathy, person at top, gestalt

a. Don’t know what others say, think ok

b. Think no one gets you, understands you. Anyone subordinate, can show empathy, you are an allie, then you are an agent of change.

c. Must be authenticd. Not sustainable model of leadership to surround

with yes-man3. Empathy lifts you up to them. Empathy doesn’t flow

uphill very easily. Same skills. 4. Empathy easiest laterally because those are most like

us. 5. Trajectory of human development. Start out egocentric.

Moon follows me. a. Just meb. Others closest to mec. As gradient moves, more difficult. It is where the

stretch is. i. Empathizing up, at Harvard was a teaching asst. people came in, from

very privileged backgrounds. To see the degree of disconnection -- powerful thing to see.

j. Carol Gillian. Check out what happens – girls: 11-12 years, can act outside of gender roles. Get to hold onto who you are. Then go underground. Men –at 3-5 years old expected to be a man, negative judgment about heart. Incredible wealth who are profoundly hurt and disconnected from humanity. It is the task of oppressed to liberate themselves and the oppressor. Oppressor can’t find it in themselves to stop.

k. Have to deal with the enemy imaging. 26. Money things

a. Bring into organizations – talk to people about it. Talk about why passionate work.

b. NVC- don’t use the name, call it authentic communication. 27. Marie – Org Process

a. Conflict/fight – healthyi. Self- responsible for a quality of relationships

ii. 360 Feedbackiii. Pledge within 24 hoursiv. Structured supportv. Restorative circles

vi. Planting seeds- within organization to deepen communication/ connection self- responsibility

vii. How to move from domination to power withviii. Fear trust, empathy, needs of the whole

b. Example of unwilling to ask for respect.c. Respect is very hard to define – also not really a need.

i. Comes often leader. Mutual respect. ii. Dynamic in cross-cultural situations.

d. Self-responsibility – responsible for own needs and getting them satisfied.

i. Ask for 100 % of what you want 100 of the time. Own it, what choice can I make that will meet my need. Something about how much time looking at, got sense,

ii. Holding her with an enemy image. iii. Not about the good morning itself – what else is going on. iv. In this particular case, trigger so small.

e. Six different area;f. Needs of whole

i. Identify: what can we be passionate out. Jim Collins “hedgehog” model. Because starts with where they live. Wait until they hear a ping.

1. Sit with laptop and gets up on the powerpoint. 2. Push to craft specific wording that everyone agrees. 3. Have to agree to exact wording, can’t operationalize in a

way that others will understand it. 4. Do it with a cross section of the team. 5. 15-40 people. Ideal is 15-25. 6. Core values: think of things are triggering.

a. Are already there. b. Think of situation, where the trigger is small and

reaction of large. Pleasant/unpleasant. c. Don’t waste time that core values are nice, but

don’t real. IKEA story – ask 20 different people. Consistent about being “socialist”. IKEA actually slowed growth model because were losing common value. Event was the trigger – my boss moves boxes, just like I do. All people are equal.

d. It had my name on it – gift. e. Identify – life affirming purpose –

ii. Why doing what doingiii. Where want to be by when. iv. Now need how get gonev. The 6 ingredients/needs

1. Identity2. Life affirming purpose3. Direction4. Energy5. Structure6. expression 7. it organically starts happening that people suggests

reorg and changes. Have to constantly redefine self. Direction – need to be steadfast. Complaints – CEO changes things several times a year.

vi. Feedback looks that are quantifiable and anectdotal

vii. Clarity about what that areviii. Transparency for all to see

g. How do needs show up in any organizationh. Notice the three circles

i. Intrapersonalii. Interpersonal

iii. Organizationiv. Ask how it is for them, with others, and systemically.

i. Holons: parts of a system and something of an entiretyj. Structure follows identify, life affirming purpose and direction. If put

structure before these, then will influence needs. This is reason that have domination/hierarchy.

k. Al qaeda – purpose is so clear that all the discreet cells can act without contact with each other. What says sit is that identity, life affirming purpose, and direction are very clear.

l. Meeting needs of organization and people at same time.