Co-Dependency and the Addiction Recovery Process

Recovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum

Co-DependencyDr. Dawn-Elise Snipes PhD, LPC-MHSP, LMHC, NCC

Executive Director, AllCEUs.com


Objectives Define codependency Identify characteristics of the codependent

relationship Explore the motivations for these behaviors Hypothesize alternate, healthier behaviors


Why I Care/How It Impacts Recovery Co-dependency can serve as an alternate

addiction or distraction Co-Dependents may use relationships to try

to deal with depression or anxiety Ultimately codependency is self-defeating

because one of the few things that cannot be controlled is the will of another person.


Definition Codependency describes a type of

relationship in which One partner defines his or her worth or goodness

based on someone else The codependent person often chooses

relationships in which the other person needs to be rescued, thereby making himself or herself indispensable.


The Mantras “I don’t understand why she refuses to

change. I have done everything for her.”

“Helping someone who doesn’t want help is an exercise in futility, but what are you supposed to do if you don’t help?”


Co-Dependency as an Addiction Tolerance

Need more of the same substance/activity In a codependent relationship, as time passes, the

codependent’s identity becomes increasingly defined by the relationship with the other person

Withdrawal Not getting the substance, being around the

person results in physical or psychological withdrawals

When apart from or unable to control the other person, the codependent experiences extreme anxiety and/or depression


Co-Dependency as an Addiction Spending more time thinking about,

engaging in or recovering from the behavior Co-dependents are always hypervigilant to other

peoples behavior, and obsessing about what they are or are not doing

Co-dependents spend large amounts of time rescuing or covering up for the other person “fixing it”

The codependent gets exhausted taking care of the other person, but cannot stop because they rely on the other person to tell them


Co-Dependency as an Addiction Foregoing other interests in order to

maintain the addiction The relationship is the “drug” of choice in the

codependents’ lives Having that person in their life makes them feel

“okay” or “whole” The relationship takes the place of self-love


Co-Dependency as an Addiction Continuing the addiction/relationship despite

negative consequences Emotional (depression, anxiety, anger,

resentment) Social (Loss of other friends) Physical (stress-related physical issues) Occupational (poor job performance)


Addicts and Codependents Low self esteem Depression, anxiety Need to control Fear of abandonment Relationship comforts/numbs Relationship becomes the addict’s primary focus Minimizing, denying, blaming to protect the

relationship Stinkin’ Thinkin’


Have difficulty identifying what they are feeling. Lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others. Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or

isolation. Experience significant aggression/resentment and

negativity


Addicts and Codependents

Have difficulty making decisions. Judge what they think, say, or do harshly, as never good

enough. Value others’ approval of their thinking, feelings, and

behavior over their own. Do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons Seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than. Have difficulty admitting a mistake. Need to appear to be right, and may even lie to look good. Are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want. Have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries.


Addicts and Codependents

Believe people are incapable of self-care Try to convince others what to think or feel. Offer unsolicited advice and direction Become resentful when their help is rejected Lavish gifts, favors or sexual attention on those they

want to influence. Demand that their needs be met by others.


Additionally…Codependents

Use blame and shame to control. Adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness,

authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes. Use recovery jargon in an attempt to control the

behavior of others. Pretend to agree with others to get what they want.


Additionally…Codependents


Interventions Identify the benefits and drawbacks to the

relationship AND the benefits and drawbacks to being single

Remember that codependency, like other addictions is used to escape, distract or avoid pain.

Begin self-esteem work (There are a myriad of books and worksheets available) Until the person can provide self-validation, all

relationships can potentially become codependent

Apply It Identify 3 ways you could have used this information

in the past week. What was the situation? What did you do? How effective was that for you?

Short termLong Term

If you would have had this new information, what could you have done differently?

How would that have changed the outcome? How can you start integrating this knowledge into your

routineRecovery & Resilience International in partnership with AllCEUs.com Co-Occurring Disorders Recovery Coaching Curriculum

Summary Codependents generally get in relationships with

addicts or others who need to be “rescued.” This need to rescue (be indispensable) often stems

from: Not feeling good enough (low self-esteem, need for external

validation) Fear of abandonment

Codependents do not feel worthy or lovable. They need someone else to validate them

The codependent derives his or her “goodness” from the success or failure of the other person in the relationship.


Summary Recovery involves

Developing a sense of self-worth Addressing the issues that are causing depression and

anxietyGrief over prior lost relationshipsHelplessness to change another personFears of rejection, isolation, failure, loss of control and the

unknown Learning about and creating a network of healthy

relationships with self and othersSetting healthy boundariesLearning to accept multiple perspectives


Co-Dependency and the Addiction Recovery Process

Education