Clint was now in a panic

1

Clint was now in a panic, it was morning now, and Bruce had

probably told Loki about what had happened with female Tony in

the kitchen last night. He knew that Loki and Bruce would be

searching for him, Bruce would likely torture or kill him, but he

figured that Loki would probably just hurt him for it, but now he

had told Natasha, and she would likely torture him as well. With

the thought in his mind of three extremely dangerous people after

him for blood, Clint slipped out the small back vent panel and

began to creep his way through the system to escape.

He was thinking through options, and there weren’t many for

him. He knew he was sleep deprived still, after that meeting with

Tony and Bruce in the kitchen, he couldn’t have slept more than a

few hours and he felt exhausted. Clint was rapidly approaching

four days with not more than six hours of sleep between them and

it was driving him nuts. He wanted to settle down somewhere for

an hour or two, but he knew with half the team after him now, it

wasn’t likely.

2

Finally reaching a decision, Clint began to maneuver his way

through the vents towards Coulson’s apartments, picking up

stashed supplies along the way.

Within a few minutes, Clint was positioned in the vent

leading to Phil’s office, looking down into the room to check who

was in there.

“I know you’re there Clint, come on down.” Phil called from his

desk.

Clint released the vent cover and slipped silently down onto

the couch in from of the agent.

“Gracious Clint you look like shit. You were supposed to get some

rest and take today off before meeting me for debriefing, you

look like you still haven’t slept.” Phil exclaimed when he looked

up at the archer perched on the arm of his couch.

Phil tried to get Clint to talk to him, but the marksman

kept rambling off and wasn’t making much sense, before long Clint

dozed off mid-sentence.

3

Phil settled a blanket onto Clint, and was surprised when

the archer jumped and opened his eyes to stare at him for a

moment and then dozed back off. He tipped toed out as quietly as

he could and left Clint there to go get some breakfast with the

rest of the team.

When he stepped from the elevator Phil was met with a

wonderful smell of cooking breakfast and crossed to the coffee

pot to fill his mug immediately.

“Phil, did Clint show up in your office?” Natasha asked as he

sipped his coffee and settled into his spot at the dining table.

“Hm. Yes he’s really bad right now Nat, he was slurring and not

making any sense, kept babbling and then he fell asleep

apologizing for something. What did he do this time?” Phil asked

in reply.

“He met Tony in the kitchen last night and apparently was having

dirty thoughts about his female body. Bruce scared him and he

slept in the mouse hole last night. He told me about it this

morning and then took off through the vents.” Natasha replied.

4

“We aren’t going to harm him, Bruce and I discussed it this

morning and reached an agreement that Clint was not in his right

mind. Natasha told me this morning that our Hawk hasn’t slept

more than a few hours in the last several days. Jarvis showed me

the video of the encounter this morning and he looked awful, he

really needs some good rest right now.” Loki called from his spot

at the stove.

“Sir, Master Barton seems to have had an issue, he just left the

building through and escape vent.” Jarvis piped up.

Tony was cuddled on the couch with Bruce and worked quickly

to untangle himself from the doctor, sitting up and looking at

the screen before him.

“Play me the video from when the issue began Jarv.” Tony said

slowly.

On the TV before them an image of Clint curled sideways on

the couch appeared. Then as they watched he began screaming and

flailing about, trapping himself in the blanket Phil had set on

him. Everyone gather around the couch to watch as Clint twisted

and writhed, screaming like a banshee as tears began pouring down

5

his face. There was a thump and Clint wriggled and fell off the

couch in Phil office and the crying slowed as Clint began to

whimper with a sound of misery. He finally untangled himself from

the blankets and sat on his knees in the middle of the floor

whimpering, tears still dripping down his face. They could barely

hear his as he whispered.

“Jarvis, turn the volume up and play back the whispering.” Tony

said, his pale, feminine face pinched with concern for his best

friend.

The video backed up a bit and played when the whispering

began and now they could clearly hear Clint begging someone to

kill him. Then the whispering stopped and he began to whimper and

sob as he dropped into a curled ball on the floor. Suddenly, the

sounds went quieter and Clint sat up, looking about him and fear

and confusion written on his face. He began to pace the room,

babbling to himself in a voice so quiet that Jarvis couldn’t

catch it even with the sound turned as high as possible. Then,

Clint climbed back into the vent shaft and disappeared from view.

6

“What exactly did he say you Phil, its important?” Tony asked,

his pretty face blanched and worried.

“He said something about thinking you were a hallucination or a

dream and mostly babbled apologies. We need to find him Nat, this

is the worse I’ve ever seen him. Bruce, what did you do?” Phil

said, his face had gone pale as well and he looked upset.

“I may have given him the same look I gave Fury before I stabbed

him in the neck with my scalpel.” Bruce said, looking abashed as

Tony stared at him in horror.

“It’s not all Bruce’s fault; I didn’t exactly calm his nerves

when he told me what happened. Really, Bruce I think something

like this would have happened eventually anyways. Ever since you

two brought Tony back he has been acting strange and getting

distant. His after-mission behavior has been off as well; this

maybe some kind of mid-life crisis.” Natasha said quietly.

“I do not think that this is what you all call a mid-life crisis.

I promised him I would keep this to myself, but it seems

important to tell you all now. Earlier this month I found him in

7

the closet with his gun to his head. Clint is not doing well at

all.” Loki said slowly.

“Has it dawned on any of you that he is now the only full human

left on the team? The one who will most likely die first? Clint

has no super power or protection and I didn’t want to tell any of

you, but his eye sight is fading, not by much, but his vision

score isn’t as good as it used to be. This was supposed to be his

family, but we have all been slowly forcing him out. Natasha has

been taking extra jobs away from home and he hasn’t been sleeping

with any of you.” He glared at Natasha now, who had sat down on

the couch with a sad look on her face.

“He failed a class Phil. I didn’t know what to think, but he

didn’t want to talk about it. We never talk about those things. I

thought that was why we work so well together, we give each other

space.” Natasha tone was impassive, but her face looked like she

was miserable. Clint was the one person she loved most of all in

this world and she couldn’t bear the thought that he really

thought she would try to kill him.

8

“He slept on my couch a few times in the last couple of months

because he didn’t want to be alone, but not every time. Jarvis

has warned me several times that he has been spending entire

nights in the shooting range or the gym. This isn’t a mid-life

crisis, this is something else. We will all outlive him, all of

us and the way we have been treating him, it’s like we want him

gone already. I would have thought you would have noticed Nat.

This is the worst I have ever seen him, and I have had to cut him

down and revive him twice when I caught him hanging himself.”

Phil’s voice was tense and rough, his face flushed in anger as he

realized just how far things were going with Clint.

He had convinced himself that Clint would be fine and Nat

would take care of him, but now it was obvious that things

weren’t getting taken care of. “Tony you fucked with his head

with that shit when he was running on just a few hours of sleep,

and he is never at his best after a mission. Clint is jumpy,

cautious and suspicious and obviously he’s been getting worse

from what you said Nat. I swear to god Bruce if you scaring him

like that gets him killed I will destroy you myself, no matter

what it takes. Clint is one of my best friends and has been

9

through far too much for you all to treat him like this. Fuck,

Jarvis I need you to run facial recognition on all the cameras

you can find and get me Clint’s last location. I have to find

those fucking files he gave me.” Phil’s face was pure fury now,

anger set in his eyes and the twist of his lips.

“Coulson, I can locate him for you, but he still hates my magic.

In a state such as you are describing, he would likely try to

harm us if I teleported anyone to his location. I can tell you

where he is, but it would be best if you went to him by normal

means.” Loki said with a serious look.

Tony was sitting on couch with his head bowed low, tears

running down his face as Bruce rubbed his back gently. Bruce was

quietly muttering to him beside him, promising the genius that

they would bring his friend back to him and apologizing for

scaring the archer away.

Just then, Pepper walked in the door with a wide grin that

fell the moment that she saw the group before her looking so

forlorn.

10

“What happened?” she asked immediately, her face scrunching up a

bit.

“Clint isn’t doing well, he has been losing himself for a while

now, and these morons hadn’t even really notice. When he came

home from that mission last night, it seems that he was having

trouble sleeping. He ended up in the kitchen and Tony freaked him

out with his new body. Clint thought he was sleeping or maybe

hallucinating and when he realized it was Tony, he blabbed to him

and Bruce that he had been fantasizing about him. Bruce scared

the daylights out of him and he slept in the Mouse hole last

night. Then this morning he told Nat about it and apparently she

accidentally scared the shit out of him too. He’s running on very

little sleep and according to his mission notes; he hasn’t been

able to keep food down in a few days. He’s AWOL Pep, and he

thinks that Bruce, Loki and Nat are going to try to kill him.”

Phil said in a rush as he typed. As he spoke he got a message on

his phone and walked a bit away to listen to it.

“Okay, that’s really not so bad. He has three tracking chips in

him. Tony did it with Clint because we were worried about losing

11

him somehow. We just track the chips and bring him home. I have

the tracking app on my phone right here.” Pepper said, typing on

her phone as Phil listened to the message in the corner. “Goddamn

it all, fucking assassins. He dug them out already.” Pepper

reported and Phil returned to the group looking pale.

“I’ve got more news. He left me a message you all need to hear

this.”

Phil pressed the button and Clint’s voice came over the

phone recording through Jarvis.

“Phil its Clint, I know you are going to share this with them. I

know you’re all trying to kill me now. Don’t bother. I’m not

coming back and you won’t find me. I removed the tracking chips

Tony. I know you’re sending Rhodes after me too, but don’t

bother, I won’t be where you can find me. I’m already gone. None

of you will find me and I get to die on my own terms, just like

we always said Natty. I know none of you want me there, and I

understand, I really do. I won’t be bothering you again, and

before long I’ll be gone anyways. Just leave me be.” Clint’s

12

voice rasped and choked on the recording as he spoke, paranoia

hinting his words.

“Holy fuck, god Bruce, what do we do?” Tony groaned.

“We will skip all of the chasing and move straight to capture. I

know he hates my magic, but I think the best recourse here would

be for me to teleport him directly to the Hulk room so that we

can take care of him. It sounds as if he has warrior’s fever.”

Loki stated firmly.

“Warrior’s fever that must be like PTSD… Do it, but I want you on

the outside and the room needs to be locked down for Hulk. If

there is any way out he will disappear again.” Phil said with

enthusiasm.

“We should be there when he shows up.” Tony said quietly.

Within minutes the team along with their friends was

gathered in the viewing area of the Green room. With a nod to

Phil, after the agent set the Hulk room into lockout Loki

preformed his spell and Clint appeared before them, his eyes red

rimmed. He looked rough, like he had been through hell and back

13

within the hour it took them to reach a decision about him. The

archer had a knife in one hand and an open bottle of vodka in the

other. His boots were caked in mud and his hair was mussed, his

face streaked with blood and his nose crooked, like it had been

broken.

“Holy shit Clint what did you do?” Tony exclaimed, leaning

against the glass.

“Fucking hell brought me back eh? Gonna tear me apart before you

all let me die then? YOU PROMISED TASHA!” Clint grumbled,

splitting every few words with a heavy swig from the bottle. At

the last sentence he was screaming at the group, and he hurled

the empty bottle at the glass, and dropped to his knees before it

smashed apart against the heavy, bullet proof window.

Everyone’s face twisted in horror when Clint lifted the

knife in his other hand to his neck in a fast motion, and looks

of confusion ran rampant when it disappeared, leaving only a

small, bloody nick at the side of his throat.

14

“I won’t let him do that Anthony, I promise love, we will fix

your archer.” Loki said, twirling the blade that he had taken

from the archer.

Tony looked back into the large romp room at his friend and

his face twisted him sadness as he saw Clint on his knees before

them, unlacing his shoes.

“Take the shoes and the laces Loki, he’ll hang himself.” Phil

said softly.

When the shoes disappeared from Clint’s feet, the archer

looked up with pain and fear written on his face. He hurled

himself at the thick glass and began to beat his fists against

it, quickly bloodying his hands with the force of his blows.

“Why can’t you just let me die? I didn’t mean to!” Clint

screeched as his knuckles busted opened.

“Oh god, I can’t watch this.” Pepper whimpered and ran from the

room crying, followed closely by Kong and Tony, who looked

miserable and pale. Just as he reached the elevator the

15

billionaire paused and looked back at them, his eyes flashing red

and green and his face dropped into his captain’s stare.

“If any of you hurt him, I’ll hurt you.” Tony said in a voice

that promised pain before toddling into the waiting elevator.

Natasha and the remaining men turned back to the window to

see that Clint was now slamming his forehead into the heavy glass

divider, making small pounding noises as his forehead split

opened. The assassin was chanting as he did so, saying, ‘You

promised; kill me. You promised; kill me.’ over and over as he

pounded his head into the glass.

“I’m going in there.” Natasha said quietly and began typing in

the release code to the door lock. Clint saw the move, and a look

of pure panic flooded his features as he froze.

The second Natasha got the door opened to enter; Clint had

fled to the back of the massive Hulk room, disappearing behind

pilings of broken cars and rubble that Tony had filled the room

with for Hulk. Natasha went to close the door, but was stopped

when Phil, Bruce and Loki followed after her, Loki closing the

door and using his magic to lock them in after they had entered.

16

“Clint honey, please come out.” Natasha called softly as she

moved further into the massive room.

There was a skittering sound from the ceiling and they heard

Clint call down from above them. “Will you make it quick or draw

it out?” Clint asked from somewhere in the rafters, his voice a

low call that wavered a bit with fear.

“Baby, we aren’t going to hurt you. We want to help you.” Natasha

replied.

“Draw it out then. Please don’t lie to me. If you want to draw it

out you’ll have to catch me.” Clint called softly from a

different place above them.

“I’ll bring him to us.” Loki whispered. There was a spark of blue

and Clint appeared before them, his arms pinned to his sides by

magic and terror flashing across his face for a moment. “You

promised Nat.” Clint whispered before he closed his eyes and his

features went creepily blank.

17

“What is he doing now?” Loki asked, tilting his head in confusion

as the archer went rigid and still before them, his face clear

and blank of any emotion.

“He’s shutting down. He thinks we are going to torture him so

he’s going to that place in his head where he hides in such

events. He had the best human endurance time in all of SHEILD for

torture survival. He can stay that way under the harshest

tortures for up to nearly three months. It will be hard to get

him back to the surface now.” Phil replied with a hallow voice.

“Goddamn it Clint.” Natasha exclaimed as the archer opened his

eyes. There was no expression to his face at all and his eyes

looked dilated and unfocused.

“We need to get him fixed up, Tony won’t be happy until he’s

better. Let’s take him to my lab.” Bruce said impassively.

Loki looking miffed for a moment and before anyone could make a

move there was another flash and they all appeared in the lab.

Loki maneuvered Clint onto the lab table and he stood back to let

Bruce begin his work to clean the archer up.

18

“Should I allow him to move?” Loki asked thoughtfully.

“Go for it, he won’t make a move for hours this way.” Natasha

said softly, overlooking her husband’s still body and

expressionless face. He was staring at the ceiling giving an

occasional blink with those wide, blank eyes.

Loki waved a hand over the man and his form appeared to lose a

bit of its stiffness. As Bruce moved toward the table with a

stack of rags, Natasha grabbed his arm. “Bruce, please be very

gentle. He won’t show it right now, but he can feel everything

you do to him; if you make this hurt it will take longer to get

him back to himself.”

“I understand Nat. I’ll be very gentle.” Bruce replied softly.

“But don’t give him anything for the pain; it will put him in

deeper.” She said quickly as she let go of him. Bruce nodded and

gave a hum of reply and began to work on his friend.

It took almost an hour to take care of all of the damage, his

nose had been broken when he arrived, but his clothes had covered

up some deep cuts and patch of burnt skin on his arm along with

19

several broken ribs. As Bruce completed his task, he noted that

the archer was still giving no sign of acknowledgement or

recognition of the care. He left the man on the table and went to

the other side of the room to talk to his team mates.

“Any ideas what happened after he left the tower? He wasn’t gone

for long, but that seems like a good amount of damage.” Bruce

asked.

“I thought so to. It would appear that after leaving the tower he

decided that it was time to take on a group that has been after

him for years. A biker gang not far from here has put out several

hits on him over the years. He left the entire group in their

building, hog tied or unconscious without firing a single bullet

and according to the police report he was at their bar drinking

as the cops were rounding up the criminals when he vanished,

which would be when Loki brought him back here.” Phil explained,

looking over at his friend.

As they stood discussing what to do next a sobbing sound drifted

over to them. The group looked over at Clint, but he hadn’t

moved. The archer was still lying on the table, but his face was

20

wrenched in a grimace of pain and tears were flowing down his

face.

Natasha crossed the room and began to coo to the archer in soft

tones. “Baby, what’s wrong, just tell us what’s wrong.”

“Make it stop Natty, please just make it stop.” Clint whispered

softly as the rest came to the table.

The archer’s eyes were still blown out and unfocused as he spoke,

and the group looked at each other in confusion as they took in

his words.

“Make what stop Clint, you have to tell us.” Phil said in a

gentle tone.

“I can’t..” Clint started to say and trailed of in a piercing

scream of anguish. He body arched off of the table and he shook

in pain, his face losing all its color from the phantom hurt. His

screams and arching continued as Bruce called for Jarvis to do

more scans and re-run the archer’s blood sample for illness,

“Nat, we should sedate him, he needs to rest he’s going to hurt

21

himself.” Bruce cried as the redhead knelt on her husband’s chest

to help the other’s pin him to the table.

“Fine, do it.” She finally screeched, tears slipping down her

face.

“Mama!” Clint screamed, arching off the table again as the tears

rushed down his pale cheeks.

Bruce moved quickly and in moments the doctor had injected Clint

with a sedative to put the man to sleep for a while.

“Well that was eventful. Judging from what I have just seen, I

think Clint is having flashbacks of some sort combined with

phantom pains. Right now, sleep is the most important thing, but

we need to figure out what the issue is here.” Bruce said after

Clint had stilled and went silent.

The group strapped Clint down and went back to the penthouse,

Bruce leaving Jarvis with strict orders to monitor the man and

alert him of any changes.

In the penthouse, Tony was pacing the floor, his new feminine

hips swaying as the genius crossed and re-crossed the space.

22

“What happened, is he better yet? Jarvis said you took him to the

lab, is he okay?” Tony babbled out as the group left the

elevator.

“Tony dear, please calm down the stress is not good for the

babies.” Loki said gently, leading the smaller man to the couch.

“Tony, I gave Clint a sedative for now. He needs some rest. I

don’t know how he will be when he wakes, but he isn’t doing very

well love.” Bruce explained, taking the spot next to his husband.

“Phil, he screamed about his mother back in there, you know more

about his past and it is time to discuss it. Now.” Natasha said

fiercely, taking her chair.

Phil nodded and settled into a seat of his own. “Clint doesn’t

like to talk about the past because it is not a good one. You all

know he was raised in the circus right, for most of his younger

life?” everyone nodded in response and Phil continued.

“Clint and his brother didn’t arrive at the circus until Clint

was eight and Barney was thirteen. Both of their parents abused

them, and when the two died in a car wreck when the boys were six

23

and eleven, the boys were sent to a catholic orphanage where they

were abused even more. They ran away after a year and there is no

record of what the two did during that time. They spent ten years

with the circus before I got a hold of Clint by intercepting him

on his way to jail for murder after his mentor nearly killed him.

I would have to say that he was probably either screaming for his

mother to stop hurting him or for her to make his father stop

hurting him. Either way, I’m not sure how that helps. He has

never spoken about the abuse, but there is plenty of evidence

that he and his brother were raped at the orphanage and in the

circus.” Phil explained morosely.

“Oh, it helps. He doesn’t know what it is like to have people

just care about him as friends. He has essentially been pre-

conditioned to think that every relationship will end in abuse

and pain. He is assuming that with us as well. Natasha, tell me

about the promise he kept talking about.” Bruce replied.

“I promised him awhile after we were married, when he started

sharing a bed with me that if I ever got a kill order on him, or

thought that he had to be killed, I promised that I would make it

24

fast, that he wouldn’t suffer, he took my word, but now he seems

to think that I am breaking it, or planning to at least.” Natasha

said with a miserable shrug.

“Hm, well you two said his behavior had begun to get erratic and

he has been having issues after missions, can you tell me more

about that?” Bruce asked with a frown.

“Clint failed a class. I know that doesn’t sound like big news,

but Clint has a higher IQ than me or Phil. He might not be at you

and Tony’s level, but Clint is a genius in his own right. I

didn’t understand how he failed it, and he didn’t even tell me. I

found the notice in our office along with a drop out form for the

rest of his classes.” Natasha said softly.

“He was taking classes?” Tony asked.

“Yes Tony, Clint currently has six associate’s degrees and four

bachelor’s degrees and a master’s. He was supposed to start his

second master’s degree this year. He has been taking classes

since we got him, as soon as he learned to read he got his GED

and hasn’t stopped. R&D has received more useful equipment

25

modification orders from him than from any other operative.” Phil

explained.

“He quit playing his violin too, and he doesn’t always sleep with

me. I had begun to notice that he was having nightmares, but as

they increased, he slept with me less and less. I can’t say for

sure what he does during those times. Jarvis, do you have

anything on his recent sleeping habits and actions over, let’s

say the last three months?” Natasha asked.

“Yes Miss Romanov, I have established a file on Barton’s

activities since this incident arrived.” As the AI spoke, the

screen before them came to life, showing a chart. “Before you is

a chart of his sleeping for the previous three months; you can

see here that Barton’s sleeping has decreased from five hours a

night to two hours approximately every two to three days,

sometimes extending to five days with a three hour sleep block

ending his period of unrest. His eating habits are no longer very

good either. He is only eating solid food about every other day,

and it appears to primarily include energy bars and the

occasional morning breakfast. I can also tell you that Loki’s

26

previous account of finding Barton with his weapon to his head is

true. I have video evidence of fifty-nine instances of this

within the past three months.”

“Holy shit, that’s, that’s, oh my god. Is there any sign of a

trigger for this?” Tony exclaimed.

“Sir, I cannot find a trigger, as you say, but I can tell you

that the instances of him doing this occur most often after a

mission or after any kind of argument. I have accounts of him

doing this more than once a day at times. I cannot account for

instances that were outside of my video range.” Jarvis replied.

“Doctor Banner, you asked me to inform you of any changes in

Barton while he is in his current state. He appears to be in some

kind of distress.”

An image feed from Bruce’s lab opened on screen, replacing the

evidence of Clint’s declining sleep habits. Clint was strapped to

the table, his eyes still closed, but he was wailing and

thrashing in pain.

27

“That shouldn’t be happening; he should still have about an hour

of dreamless sleep.” Bruce said as he began to move to the

elevator, followed closely by Phil.

“Banner, he has proven in his testing that his body can process

medications in about three fourths the times he should be able

to. It isn’t much, but his body is really good at fighting off

drugs. He has always tried to use that to an advantage in the

field.” Phil said as they descended to Bruce’s lab.

When they entered the room, Clint’s eyes were still closed, but

the screams had reduced to whimpers and moans of pain.

“Can we wake him?” Phil asked the doctor as Bruce began to look

the man over, checking for damage from the restraints that held

Clint in place.

“Hum, might be the best to do, although I’d rather that he got

more sleep, but in any case, a sleep filled with nightmares won’t

be restful anyways. I can’t just give him another sedative; I

don’t know how much of the last one his body has processed.”

Bruce replied as he loosened the straps. “I think you should wake

him though, I will stand back out of the way.”

28

Bruce backed off to the other side of the room, beyond Clint’s

potential eye sight and Phil moved to wake the archer, shaking

him lightly.

“Wake up Clint, it’s okay you’re safe now.”

Clint woke up with a start and started screaming again in terror,

his eyes flashing opened with confusion on his face.

“Clint, Clint please calm down.” Phil called.

Clint went silent at Phil’s voice and whimpered. “Phil, what, why

are you… You joined them on this?” Phil’s eyes went wide at the

question. “How could you Phil, you’re my friend.”

“Oh, no Clint, calm down please. We aren’t going to hurt you,

we’ve been taking care of you.” Phil said softly.

“We?” Clint questioned and began to look about in confusion. His

sight was as good as ever, and as he twisted about to see the

room, and saw Bruce in the corner, his eyes going wide. On seeing

Bruce, Clint began to whimper again, begging in a whisper. “I’m

sorry Bruce, I swear I didn’t mean to, I thought I was dreaming,

I swear it on my life. I thought I was dreaming, I swear I

29

wouldn’t have lusted after Tony for anything, he’s like my

brother, I love him, I don’t want to sleep with him, I swear.”

Clint kept blubbering as Bruce walked over with his arms crossed

over his chest and his face serious.

“Clint, I can’t say I wasn’t upset with you, but I am not going

to hurt you. I promise you, I couldn’t hurt you, that would hurt

Tony, and you know I would never hurt Tony, don’t you?” Bruce

asked softly. Clint had clamped his eyes shut and whimpered as he

tried to think clearly.

“Come on Clint, I love Tony, you know I would never hurt him, and

if hurting you hurts him, I can’t do it.” Bruce explained softly,

compassion taking over his features as he spoke.

“Please, Bruce don’t lie to me, I swear I didn’t mean to, I can’t

play this game right now.” Clint choked out.

“What are you talking about Clint? Did you think me or Loki or

Natasha would really kill you for this? You’re afraid we’re going

to kill you then, that’s what this is?” Bruce asked in a gentle

tone.

30

“No, I’m not afraid to die. I want to die. I’d rather die than

have the three of you take me apart. I know what that feels like,

and I know you three can make it last for as long as you like. I

know what it feels like to do that to someone, that bit of thrill

from breaking people down, and then you don’t want them to die

because the thrill would be gone, but Bruce, I know what it feels

like to be taken apart too; slow and painful, making it last to

try and get me to talk or just to hear me scream. That’s what I’m

afraid of. I always thought I’d die slow. I’m just, Bruce I’m

begging you, I know I did wrong, but I didn’t mean to, so please,

just end it now.” Clint babbled as he tried to explain his true

fear even as his mind was washed over with panic and terror.

“Oh Clint, that’s what this all is about, you think we would let

someone take you apart?” Phil asked.

“It doesn’t matter what you let happen Phil, I’m dying, every day

I’m dying. I wasn’t going to tell any of you, but my sight isn’t

decreasing because I’m getting old. It’s getting bad because I’m

dying. Phil, I didn’t know how to tell you guys. Natasha doesn’t

know yet. I have cancer Phil. I paid for the exams myself from an

31

outside doctor and they ran the tests. Brain cancer Phil, I’m

going to die slow, and I’m afraid.” Clint whispered out his

secret that explained his behavior.

“Shit.” Bruce muttered.

“Oh Clint, it’s okay, we’ll take care of you Clint, it’ll be

okay. Bruce, I’m taking the restraints off. Clint, you be good

for me okay? No running away or anything, just come with me and

we’ll go upstairs. You have to tell Natasha and the rest of team

now, okay?”

Clint whimpered a bit as another tear ran down his face and gave

a small nod in agreement.

The three of them went took it slow and headed upstairs to the

penthouse, where they were immediately met by the rest of their

friends.

“Oh Clinty, we heard it already, why didn’t you tell us?” Tony

exclaimed when the elevator opened.

32

Tony moved back when he saw Natasha crossing the room. The lithe

assassin moved straight to her husband and grabbed his face with

gentle hands.

“Love, I am not angry with you. We will move past this.” Natasha

whispered into his ear.

“Natty, we won’t move past this. I’m going to die. It’s terminal,

I already have three tumors, that’s why my sight decreased. It

wouldn’t matter anyways, even if I were to live as long as

possible for me, with your modified super soldier serum, you’ll

likely live past me by several decades. All of you will outlive

me, even if this disease was curable, I’m not special, I don’t

have anything to boost me up and keep me going. Tony and I used

to talk about it all the time. Make jokes about how you all were

going to live past us by decades, even Pepper with her extremis.

Now, I’m the only one left, and you’ll all have to watch me die,

just a bit sooner than we thought I guess.