CiteThis Magazine

Spring 2014 | 1

The Kraken is Real

The Kraken is Real

55Worst Animals to Become Zombies

Also Includes True Lies About+Penguins+Whale Watching

CUDDLEBUDDIES Truth About CuttlefishCUDDLEBUDDIES

How to Make

Maki Suhi!

[CITETHIS]SPRING 2014

2 | CiteThis

CONTENTS

The Kraken is Real10

Conservation6 EXPLOREWhale Waiting

8 WHAT IF...5 Worst Animals to Become Zombies

Sea Invasion16 THE MORE YOU KNOWPenguins

18 STARFISH SPOTLIGHTCuddleBuddies

20 TRY IT OUTMy Easy Maki Sushi Images

On this Page: Discovery ChannelCover: Brian McCarty

FEATURE

valenciacollege.edu/citethismagazine SPRING 2014

Publisher

Lucy Boudet

Editor Carol Traynor

Creative Director Jason Jones

Art Director Glencora Martinez

Contributing WritersCracked.com

Glencora MartinezEdith Widder

Max Fighterjet

Marketing DirectorMary Jane Jones

Senior Account Executive Linda Shrieves Beaty

Account Executive Susan Mullins

Advertising Services Coordinator Melissa Tchen

Editorial AssistantRita Barnes

Marketing AssistantChristian Knightly

CiteThis is published quarterly by Valencia College Publications

in coordination with Valencia’s Marketing and Strategic Commu-nications Division for approximately 46 cents an issue. Opinions expressed in this magazine do not necessarily reflect the official

position of Valencia College. Valencia College provides equal op-portunities and employment to all. Contact the Office of Human

Resources and Diversity for information.

CiteThis Magazine 1800 S. Kirkman Rd.Orlando, FL 32811

407-582-1017tt

[CITETHIS]

PUBLICATIONS

CONTRIBUTORS

Amanda BaezGraduated as a Communica-tion major from Pace Uni-versity in New York City. She shares her stories and tells a message that helps us better understand everyday monotony. she also takes breathtaking photographs of bridges and cats, mostly Tommy’s cat. Amanda is the director of K-POP TV in which she has her own office.

Max FighterjetEven though he is still in high school he has watched enough Mad Man to become this magazine’s copyrighter, or should I say copy-wronger? Max has a way to edit the information into the pre-fect satire of words that just fly off the page like flies flying off a page.

Glencora MartinezA Graphic Designer that has started from the bot-tom but now she is here as the Art Director. Brain Master behind CiteThis Magazine she guided and molded this magazine into the twisted comical emsamble of stories that we all secretly love.

Cierra WhiteFrom Orlando to Canada she edits and remixes images to create some sexyness on the screen. She has worked on cracked.com as well as countless satire websites.Her unique style not only brings pizzazz but the oc-cacional pizza on Friday for lunch to the office, too bad we all work remotely.

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CONCERVATION6 Explore – Whale Waiting8 What If... – 5 Worst Animals to Become Zombies

Did you know that dolphins make awesome friends? They might also kill you and fuck around with your body a little bit for shits and giggles, so make sure you keep your new dolphin friends content with your being alive. Speaking of being alive, did you know that these things live in the ocean? That’s crazy! Humans have been (sort of half-assedly) try-ing to get around the seven seas beyond the fear of giant squid for millennia. Well, once you have yourself a new dolphin friend, you’ll be able to run all sorts of awesome underwater missions!

Image By: James Watt

WHALE WAITINGHistory of Whale Watching

Like Pt Barnum once said, “ There’s a sucker born every minute”.

Organized whale watching dates back to 1950 when the Cabrillo National Monument in San Di-ego was declared a public venue for observing Gray Whales. This was back when it was free. All that changed when some jackass decided to charge people for they were getting for free. It wasn’t all the jackass’s fault. Some moron, or morons also decided to pay for the service.

Not that the US are the only ones to fleece (sorry) charge people to watch whales, other countries have joined the band wagon. Not only can you take the family up the Pacific cost for that fun whale watching trip, you can also drag them to exotic places such as Africa, Costa Rica, Australia, and India.

Next time let’s stay home!

ConservationThe rapid growth of the number of whale

watching trips and the size of vessel used to watch whales may affect whale behavior, mi-gratory patterns and breeding cycles. There is now strong evidence that whale watching can significantly affect the biology and ecology of whales. Really? Who would have thought that?

Imagine if you will, you and your family are sitting around the old dinner table just about to have dinner. Next thing you know a group of Orca whales burst in your front door decked out in camcorders and cameras and start taking pictures, touching you, rubbing your belly, and trying to make you do tricks? Wouldn’t that just mess up your evening? Would you go about your evening like nothing has happened? I don’t think so. You would be freaked out and ready to kick some Orca ass.

Environmental campaigners, concerned by what they consider the “quick-buck” mental-ity of some boat owners, continue to strongly urge all whale watcher operators to contribute

to local regulations governing whale watching. Let’s see they want opera-tors to work together to set the rules which in turn will end up screwing them out of a lot of money? Do you see that happening? That’s like cut-ting off your nose to spite your face. Never going to happen.

Whaling and Whale WatchingTake a guess who the biggest hat-

ers of whale watching are? Yep, you guessed it; the whalers. Well they watch whales too. However, they look at it differently. The average whale watcher sees a whale and thinks, “ Aw, how beautiful!” The whaler on the other hand looks at that same whale and says, “ Whoa! That sucker must be worth at least $150,000 easy!”

There is no agreement as to how to value a single animal, though it is probably much higher. However, it is clear from most coastal communi-ties that are involved in whale watch-ing that profits can be made and are more horizontally distributed through-out the community than if the animals were killed by a whaling industry.

I guess the bottom line is this; it sucks to be a whale. You will either have someone invading your habi-tat for an uninvited look around your living room, take some photos and leave. Or you will have someone in-vading your habitat for an uninvited look around your living room, kill you, and leave. God Bless the Whales.

CRACKED.COMWhale watching is the practice of observing whales in their natural habitat. To get to that habitat you kind of need to be in the deep end of the pool.

Richard Sandor // Whale watching in Neko Harbor, Antarctic Peninsula. 2010

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Worst Animals to Become Zombies5

GLENCORA MARTINEZSome animals are terrifying when they are alive, but this is a countdown of the 5 worst un-dead to encoun-ter in the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Once the day comes you better run faster than your mate.

5SPIDERSThey hide in the dark corners of your room, and your girlfriend makes you kill them, but what if they rise and hide from you

again. Where do they go? If they bite you do you become Spider man?

4TIGERSThey look cute and seem like the best thing to hug

until they chase you down and use you as a

chew toy. Then you manage to kill them only to realize you shouldn’t had skipped

out on gym class.

3CROCODILE

2RHINOCEROS

1BEAR

They lounge in the river taking in the sun

but then they strike and with one bite they grab you and spin you around. But what if you manage to kill them and they lay

there, is it dead or just preparing for its next strike.

Poor eye sight, big horns, bad attitude, and the muscle to back it all up, – this mini-van sized

mammal will mess up your zombie apocalypse.

Bears are cute and cuddly until they stand up on

their hind legs and roar at you and charge your poor

soul around the forest.

KRAKEN

KRAKEN by: Edith Widder

Images Courtesy of Discovey Channel Illustration by Joe Wilson

The

Is Real

The Kraken, a beast so terrify-ing it was said to devour men and ships and whales,  and so enor-mous it could be mistaken for an island.  In assessing the merits of such tales,  it’s probably wise to keep in mind that old sailor’s saw  that the only difference be-tween a fairytale and a sea story is a fairytale begins, “Once upon a time,”  and a sea story begins, “This ain’t no shit.”

Every fish that gets away grows with every telling of the tale. Nev-ertheless, there are giants in the ocean,  and we now have video proof, as those of you that saw the Discovery Channel documentary are no doubt aware.

I was one of the three scientists on this expedition  that took place last summer off Japan.I’m the short one. The other two are Dr. Tsunemi Kubodera and Dr. Steve O’Shea.

I owe my participation in this now-historic event to TED. In 2010, there was a TED event called Mis-sion Blue held aboard the Lindblad

Humankind has been looking for the giant squid (Architeuthis) since we first started taking pictures underwater. But the elusive deep-sea predator could never be caught on film. Oceanographer and inventor Edith Widder shares the key insight— and the teamwork— that helped to capture the squid on camera for the first time.

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The blue light of the optical lure, which we called the electronic jellyfish, or e-jelly, because it was

designed to imitate the bioluminescent display of the common deep sea jellyfish Atolla.

the electronic jellyfish, or e-jelly, be-cause it was designed to imitate the bioluminescent display of the com-mon deep sea jellyfish Atolla.

Now, this pinwheel of light that the Atolla produces is known as a bioluminescent burglar alarm  and is a form of defense. The reason that the electronic jellyfish worked as a lure is not because giant squid eat jellyfish,  but it’s because this jellyfish only resorts to producing

this light when it’s being chewed on by a predator and its only hope for escape  may be to attract the attention of a larger predator  that will attack its attacker  and there-by afford it an opportunity for escape.  It’s a scream for help, a last-ditch attempt for escape, and a common form of defense in the deep sea.

The approach worked. Whereas all previous expeditions had failed to garner  a single video glimpse of the giant, we managed six, and the first triggered wild excitement.

Edith Widder (on video): Oh my

Explorer in the Galapagos as part of the fulfillment of Sylvia Earle’s TED wish.  I spoke about a new way of exploring the ocean,  one that focuses on attracting animals instead of scaring them away. Mike deGruy was also invited,  and he spoke with great passion about his love of the ocean,  and he also talked to me about applying my approach  to something he’s been involved with for a very long time,which is the hunt for the gi-ant squid.  It was Mike that got me invited to the squid summit, a gathering of squid experts at the Discovery Channel  that summer during Shark Week.

I gave a talk on unobtrusive view-ing and optical luring of deep sea squid  in which I emphasized the importance of using quiet, unobtru-sive platforms for exploration. This came out of hundreds of dives I have made,  farting around in the dark  using these platforms,  and my impression that I saw more animals  working from the sub-mersible  than I did with either of the remote-operated vehicles. But that could just be because the submersible has a wider field of view. But I also felt like I saw more animals working with the Tiburon than the Ventana,  two vehicles with the same field of view but dif-ferent propulsion systems.

So my suspicion was that it might have something to do with the amount of noise they make. So I set up a hydrophone on the bot-tom of the ocean, and I had each of these fly by at the same speed and distance  and recorded the sound

they made.  The Johnson Sea-Link -- (whirring noise) --  which you can probably just barely hear here, uses electric thrusters -- very, very quiet. The Tiburon also uses electric powered thrusters.  It’s also pretty quiet, but a bit noisier. (Louder whirring noise)  But most deep-diving ROVs these days use hydraulicsand they sound like the Ventana. (Loud beeping noise)  I think that’s got to be scaring a lot of animals away.

So for the deep sea squid hunt, I p r o p o s e d using an op-tical lure  at-tached to a camera plat-form  with no thrust-ers, no mo-tors,  just a battery-p o w e r e d camera,  and the only illumination coming from red light that’s invis-ible to most deep-sea animals that are adapted to see primarily blue. That’s visible to our eye, but it’s the equivalent of infrared in the deep sea. So this camera platform, which we called the Medusa, could just be thrown off the back of the ship, attached to a float at the sur-face with over 2,000 feet of line, it would just float around passively carried by the currents,  and the only light visible to the animals in the deep  would be the blue light of the optical lure, which we called

What really wowed me about that was the way it came in up over

the e-jelly and then attacked the enormous thing next to it, which

I think it mistook for the predator on the e-jelly.

Spring 2014 | 15

-Edith Widder

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God. Oh my God! Are you kidding me? Other scientists: Oh ho ho! That’s just hanging there.

What really wowed me about that was the way it came in up over the e-jelly  and then attacked the enormous thing next to it, which I think it mistook for the predator on the e-jelly.

But even more incredible was the footage shot  from the Triton submersible. What was not men-tioned in the Discovery documen-tary was that the bait squid that Dr. Kubodera used, a one-meter long diamondback squid had a light at-tached to it, a squid jig of the type that longline fishermen use, and I think it was this light that brought the giant in.

Now, what you’re seeing  is the intensified camera’s view under red light, and that’s all Dr. Kubodera could see when the giant comes in here. And then he got so excited, he turned on his flashlight because he wanted to see better, and the giant didn’t run away, so he risked turning on the white lights on the submersible, bring-ing a creature of legend from the misty history into high-resolution video.  It was absolutely breathtak-ing, and had this animal had its feeding tentacles intact and fully extended, it would have been as tall as a two-story house.

How could something that big live in our ocean and yet re-main unfilmed until now? We’ve

-Mike deGruy

If you want to get away from it all and see something

you’ve never seen,or have an excellent chance of seeing

something that no one’s ever seen, get in a sub.

only explored about five percent of our ocean. There are great discoveries yet to be made down there,  fantastic creatures rep-resenting millions of years of evolution and possibly bioactive compounds  that could benefit us in ways that we can’t even yet imagine. Yet we have spent only a tiny frac-tion of the money on ocean exploration that we’ve spent on space exploration. We need a NASA-like organization for ocean explora-tion, because we need to be exploring and protecting our life support systems here on Earth.

We need — thank you. Exploration is the engine that drives innova-

tion. Innovation drives economic growth. So let’s all go exploring, but let’s do it in a way that doesn’t scare the animals away, or, as Mike deGruy once said, “If you want to get away from it all  and see something you’ve never seen,or have an excellent chance of seeing something that no one’s ever seen,  get in a sub.”  He should have been with us for this adventure. We miss him.

SEA INVASION16 The More You Know – Penguins18 Starfish Spotlight – CuddleBuddies

Coral Reefs may be a beautiful collection of aquatic life, but in reality it is the training ground for the fish gangsters. They swim around in “schools” or crews and hide from the big gangster fish that want to take over their home if they don’t sacrifice their young. Let’s hope that they don’t rise so that the fish gang-sters don’t rise against the humans next.

Image By: James Watt

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Penguin Origins and EvolutionPenguins are ancient creatures and fossil evi-

dence has been found that suggests they grew up to the size of humans during prehistoric times. This would have allowed them to tame and ride several species of dinosaurs. Did penguins have dinosaur rodeos? Scientists can’t offer any con-clusive proof, but point out that there wasn’t much else to do with dinosaurs back in those days. It is possible that exhaustion from these events eventually led to the extinction of dinosaurs.

A few millennia later penguins apparently developed technology that allowed them to control the weather. While experimenting they

triggered the first ice age, dropping tem-peratures around the globe to a level better enjoyed by penguins. This also undoubtedly introduced a new pastime where they would

shine a bright light at another animal causing it to stare, mesmerized as a glacier slowly en-

cased it in ice.As humanity evolved it is likely pen-

guins purposely reduced their own size through genetic engineering in or-der to better lull us into a false sense of superiority. Another evolutionary change took place when penguins traded their ability to fly for swimming proficiency. It is theorized they did this to better differentiate themselves from other birds, much like how some humans get tribal tattoos or pop their collars. However, unlike humans this change is actually useful in navigating their environment.

On land, penguins travel with short, waddling movements. This behavior appears comical, however during this time penguins are relaxing by solving mental puzzles like four dimensional sodoku and curing cancer. Occasion-ally they display their true grace by flopping down onto their bellies and sliding along frozen surfaces with an attitude that seems to say “I’m super

intelligent AND my body serves as a sled, punk!”Penguin Habitats

Penguins primarily live in the Antarctic region, a name which would translate roughly to The Great Penguin Command Center if those bothering to translate it didn’t immediately suffer an untimely and terribly painful death by pecking.

Over the years penguins have established nu-merous monitoring stations located throughout the world. They have carefully disguised these stations too look like zoos and they live within controlled en-vironments watching humans.Penguins have come to the primary conclusion that enclosing an animal in glass will cause a human stop what they are doing and tap on that glass until the animal responds. They have used this knowledge to create distractions when carrying out some of their more dastardly plans.

In the wild penguins have no natural predators. However, they have craft-ily designed submersible vehicles to look like killer whales, which they can enter through the mouth in staged ‘attacks’. Pen-guins use these vehicles to transport themselves over long distances and occasionally star in heart-warming family movies.

Though they are cute looking they are slowly plotting world domina-tion, some say that global warming may be a creation of the pen-guins. Better watch out what you bring around penguins because they might steal it and use it against us humans in the coming years.

PenguinsCRACKED.COM+GMPenguins are adorable flightless birds that live in the southern hemi-sphere of the Earth. Incidentally, their level of cuteness is directly proportional to their drive to systematically annihilate humans.

Just The Facts1. A penguin normally

eats fish, krill and other small crustaceans found in the ocean. However, they prefer to feed on a steady diet of the man-kind’s fears.

2.Penguins typically have a black and white coloring that some people think resembles a tuxedo. These same people generally believe that small dogs are best kept in handbags and that geckos can talk.

3.Penguins would hate you if it wasn’t for their belief that inferior life forms aren’t worth expending the emotional energy.

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CUTTLEBUDDIESMAX FIGHTERJETTHIS ISSUE’S STARFISH SPOTLIGHT IS ON THE CUTTLEFISH (SEPIA OFFICINALIS).

Sarah Howard // Cuttlefish at the Aquarium of Western Australia.

emulate basically any type of rock; from sharp rocks, to dull rocks, and even slightly duller rocks! Their ability to change their body pat-tern isn’t used just for rock look-a-alike competi-tions; it’s also used to disguise their gender Mrs. Doubtfire style. If a female has already been claimed by a large male, a smaller male may pretend to be a female and will begin to mate while the larger male presumably thinks that his mate is a lesbian having no idea that the plot of a cephalopod remake of the movie White Chicks is going on under his nose (but with kinky cross dressing cuttlefish mating.)

Each cuttlefish has a pair of undulating fins that span the length of their body and provide propulsion and maneuvering. For any emergen-cy maneuvers it shoots bodily fluids out of its gut to escape, a trait not understood by humans until the creation of the Taco Bell Fourth meal.

Cuttlefish are close relatives to octopuses and squid, although they cannot interbreed due to that being seriously gross (legal in Alabama.) They’ve been around for over 500 million years and are descendants of Shelled Cephalopods but have evolved in a more Cthulhu shaped body, for two main reasons:

1.To take advantage of their newly evolved camouflage.

2.To convince small children that H.P Love craft novels are based in reality.

A Cuttlefish’s skin contains over twenty mil-lion chromatophores, cells of pigment attached to small muscles. By gently flexing these mus-cles they can change color, pattern, reverse the polarity of light waves and other big sciency words, which serves a handy defense when dealing with their natural predators: underwater racists. It also can change its body pattern to

-Ice Cube

Spring 2014 | 21

Thomas P. PeschakPharaoh cuttlefish

releases a cloud of ink stabbed

by a diver in the nature reserve

islands Dime, near the Omani capital

Muscat.

In the middle of its eight forward reaching tenta-cles it sports a beak, which it uses to crack open mollusks, crabs, and the craniums of god-fear-ing Americans. Cuttlefish also have two longer tentacles, with a suction cup at the tip to aid in walking and grasping their red-blooded victims. Scientists did not understand the use of these tentacles until the plans for their upcoming in-vasion were discovered during an underwater drug bust.

Growing up in the Detroit of the Sea, Cuttlefish have a very short life span and may only live one or two years. Due to their fast growth rates they spend 95 percent of their time rest-ing, also due in part to them be-ing cephalopods and not having real jobs. Cuttlefish also have an internal structure called a cuttle-bone, and contrary to popular belief it is not used for cuddling or boning, it is used to main-tain buoyancy. It does so through regulating the amount of gas or liquid, and are often collected on the beach and sold a calcium supplement treat for parakeets, toucans, and three cans.

Unlike their Octopus brethren their “ink” is disgustingly brown, which they squirt to gross out predators when threatened. It was valued by the Greek and Roman empires for its particular pigmentation; its similarity to the color of poop makes it a common gift for internet writers and dogs. Humans have long used this color in art, and the color sepia takes its origin from the cut-tlefish species name: Sepia officinalis. The word cuttle comes from an Old Norse word meaning cushion and a Middle Low German word Küdel word meaning sac, or scrotum causing the name to be literally translated as Cushionscrotumfish. Cushionscrotumfish generally live in shallow reefs but will move far away into unknown ter-ritories like channels to escape from over-ex-pectant parents and ex-cuttlebuddies. They are suspiciously absent from the Americas, presum-ably because the loud sound of freedom ring-ing. There are over 120 unique species, and are caught for food all across the world. In Portugal, cuttlefish is present in many popular dishes, the taste being remarkably similar to chicken, tuna, and bat (the chickens of the land, seas, and cave respectively.) Like its cousins, octopuses and squid, they naturally produce neurotoxins by

way of bacteria in their saliva, when asked why they produce neurotoxin Cuttlefish respond one of two ways, either by swimming away or claim-ing that “gangsta rap made me do it”. Puzzled honky scientists were no closer to understand-ing why until famed poet and scholar Ice Cube recorded an informative song about neurotoxin called “Gangsta Rap made me do it.” This neu-rotoxin has been confirmed to be as lethal as

that of that of their main rival the blue ringed octopus: a rival gang-affiliated species that of-ten participates in underground

dance battles with Cuttlefish over territory and available food sources. Several studies

of these underground stomping grounds have confirmed that cuttlefish stomp the octopus’s yard at a 3:1 ratio. Cuttlefish are

also indeterminate growers, meaning that the only limiting factor for growth is food availability and life span. In theory if a cuttlefish could sur-vive to the age of 100 it could grow gargantuan sizes, this was proved by the documentary Clo-verfield (2008). Cuttlefish also have one of the largest brain-to-body size ratios of invertebrates, and have been proven to grasp complicated con-cepts and solve difficult puzzles like bra straps, the general theory of relativity and what the last P in O.P.P stands for.

The author welcomes the new cuttlefish overlord and hopes you will too.

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Ingredients2 cups of uncooked sushi rice3 cups of water (I use the same rice cup to measure)4tbsp Japanese vinegar2tbsp fine granulated sugar1/2tsp saltNori seaweedCrabsticks ( cook in microwave oven on high for 1min or steam it)Japanese cucumbersJapanese mayonnaise

To Make Sushi Rice1. Wash the rice and rinse thoroughly.2. Place rice and water in a rice

cooker and set until cooked. 3. Meanwhile, mix together the rice

vinegar, sugar and salt in a small mixing bowl, stir to mix well.

4. Put the cooked rice into a large mixing bowl or use the same rice cooker, pour the vinegar sauce over the hot rice and fold it well (do not stir but just gently fold) . Allow to cool slightly before start making sushi roll.

My Easy Maki SushiRecipe source: by Sonia aka Nasi Lemak LoverLucas was requesting me to make sushi for him since I have quite long did not make his favourite sushi at home. Today I make this easy maki sushi for his bento lunch.

To Assemble Sushi1. Cover the bamboo rolling mat

with cling film.2. Prepare a bowl of drinking water as to

wet your hands so the rice won’t stick to your hands.

3. Place one sheet of nori seaweed on a bamboo rolling mat - make sure the shiny side is facing down. Cover the seaweed with prepared sushi rice (don’t stuff too much on, time to time wet your hands with water) - leave 1/2 inch of the seaweed bare at the bottom.

4. Place crabsticks, cucumber and spread mayonnaise length-ways on the rice and place closest to you.

5. Using the bamboo rolling mat, begin to tightly roll the sushi into log style. Start at the side nearest to you, and roll away from you. When the sushi is completely rolled, use the rolling mat to squeeze the sushi so it does not unroll when you are trying to cut it.

6. Using a very sharp knife, wet the knife with water, slice according to the thick-ness you like your sushi.

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The Kraken is Real

The Kraken is Real

55Worst Animals to Become Zombies

Also Includes True Lies About+Penguins+Whale Watching

CUDDLEBUDDIES Truth About CuttlefishCUDDLEBUDDIES

How to Make

Maki Suhi!

[CITETHIS]SPRING 2014