CHJ Retreat 2016

Ethical Wills: What you have learned is as valuable as what you have earned.

Each of us is several people over the course of our lifetime: someone’s child, friend, husband/wife, parent, etc. At each stage we learn something – usually several somethings – about life. These are called life lessons…or Wisdom. So over time, the custom arose of composing an ethical will, bequeathing our wisdom to our descendants.

-- Rabbi Harold S. Kushner (paraphrased)

What Is an Ethical Will?

An ethical will is a non-binding letter or recording created for your loved ones. It is created with the intention of lasting beyond your lifetime, for the purpose of passing on values, wisdom, stories, wishes, feelings, advice or important information.

Lori Klein video 6:20 to 9:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2flXo9lKhM

How is an Ethical Will Different

from a Legal Will?Your legal will addresses:

“What do I want my loved ones to have?” Your legal will defines and distributes your material assets.

Your ethical will addresses:“What do I want them to know?” In a non-binding fashion, your ethical will

captures and transfers your inner richness with the same purposeful intention.

Traditionally it is a letter or collection of letters. Other forms it could take are audio, video or multi-media versions.

Some people write one letter to the entire family, or separate letters to each member of the family. It can be shared during your lifetime or after your death.

Whatever the form, it is a personal message and not a legally binding document.

So…what form does an ethical will take?

Who makes an ethical will and why?

Thoughtful, loving adults who wish to communicate important information or create an enduring personal message for their loved ones or successors. An ethical will promises to have an enduring impact on all who receive it. And it is deeply satisfying to create.

When should you start writing an ethical will?

Right now. Don’t risk being “too late.” Start small and update it as you and your audience age and change. Sharing it during your lifetime can initiate meaningful conversation, but you may prefer it to be read only after your death. Make sure it is signed and dated and can be easily found.

A Brief History

Traditional Wills (Bible, Rabbis)

What had been an oral tradition going back to Old Testament patriarchs was first formalized into a written form in the late 12th century, when Jewish fathers began writing their sons parting letters of wisdom and advice. These letters came to be called ethical wills.

Rabbi Moshe Yehoshua Zelig Hakohen (c. 1790 – 1855)

As head of the Rabbinic Court in Latvia, he incorporated eighty-nine items into his will -- intermingling religious and secular rules – and presented them in no particular order. Here are a few:• Strengthen oneself to arise in the morning to the

service of the Creator

• Pray with utmost devotion

• Avoid business transactions that appear difficult to complete successfully ( good advice, even today!)

• Prepare burial garments. (number 13 on his list – not a good sign)

Main synagogue in Latvia

Benjamin M. Roth, written to his son in 1854

• Always keep your conscience clear -- never commit an action which you will regret afterward• Consider what you possess as a trust given you by God• Never leave the religion that is yours by birth• Have no relations with a prostitute. Her breath is poison, her word

the bite of a snake; and they are all alike. (He seems to know a lot about prostitutes.)• And, finally, be frugal, avoid gambling, and avoid the company of

drunkards and merrymakers. (This guy’s a real good-time Charlie.)

Holocaust wills

Holocaust wills and letters reveal a wide range of individual responses to the unbelievable catastrophe which overtook their writers. Some demand vengeance and a continuing fight to the death with the oppressor. Others reveal a struggle to maintain the author’s human dignity in the face of evil.

Hirsh Moshe Zaddok – a will discovered by writer’s brother

To every man and woman! They treated us like animals in the forest. Seven days and nights we hid in an attic with no food or water. On the eighth day they rained grenades on us and torched the building. Brothers! Avenge us! Show them no mercy, just as they had no pity on us. Vengeance – this must be your sacred mission in life.Ruins of Kovno ghetto

Will of young woman, written on synagogue in Kovel – January, 1945

“ I am a daughter of Israel, twenty years old. O how lovely is the world about us! Why should they destroy us when everything within me desires and yearns for life. Have my last minutes really arrived? Vengeance! Come and avenge me, whoever reads this last request of mine.

“In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death. I see the world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too, I can feel the sufferings of millions yet, if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end, and that peace and tranquility will return again.” -- Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl

Echoes of Anne Frank

Published in a ghetto newspaper in Warsaw-Krakow, 1940, this will was signed only “Your Mother”

Judaism, my child, is the struggle to bring down God upon earth, a struggle for the sanctification of the human heart. This struggle your people wages not with physical force but with spirit, with sincere, heartfelt prayers, and by a constant striving for truth and justice. You must go to work alongside people of other nations…and you will teach them that they must come to a brotherhood of nations and to a union of all nations with God. You may ask, “How does one speak to them?” This is how: “’Thou shalt not murder; thou shalt not steal; thou shalt covet; love thy neighbor as thyself…” Do these things and through merit, my child, you will be victorious.

Wills from Israel

Jews around the world and in Israel have diverse and complex feelings regarding their connection to Israel. Some come to be buried on what they consider holy ground; others come to escape persecution or simply to build the country and develop the land; in the United States, people have built philanthropic bridges to it from afar, but also have personal links to it. Overall, it can be said that Jews have a visceral, emotional connection to Israel. These ethical wills reflect the diversity of meaning Israel has had for this cross-section of Jews.

Hannah Senesh (1921- 1944)

Hannah Senesh immigrated to Palestine from Hungary before the outbreak of World War II. She volunteered, however, for the parachute corps and was dropped behind enemy lines. Senesh was captured by the Nazis and executed in 1944. Here are excerpts from a letter to her brother George:Talking about Israel…”First of all, I love it. Not everything. I respect the people who believe in something, respect their idealistic struggle with the daily realities.” She goes on…” We have the need of one good thing: people who are brave and without prejudices, who are not robots, who want to think for themselves and not accept outmoded ideas.

Senesh continues… “Don’t think I see everything through rose-colored glasses. My faith is a subjective matter, and not the result of outer conditions. I see the difficulties clearly, both inside and out. But I see the good side, and above all, I think this is the only way. Senesh’s plan was to have her brother receive this letter only if she died in battle, or after they met in Palestine. She concludes, “ Enough of this letter. I hope you will never receive it. But if you do, only after we have met. And if it should be otherwise, George dear, I embrace you with everlasting love.”

Hannah and her brother

Dvora Waysman, a distinguished writer in Israel. She emigrated from Australia and is raising her four children in Israel. This is her ethical will to them.

• I am leaving you the fragrance of a Jerusalem morning…unforgettable perfume of thyme, sage, and rosemary that wafts down from the Judean hills. • I am leaving you an extended family – the whole house of Israel. They

are your people. They will celebrate with you in joy, grieve with you in sorrow.• I am leaving you faith of your forefathers. Here, no one will ever

laugh at your beliefs, call you “Jew” as an insult.• I am leaving you pride. Hold your head high. This is your country,

your birthright.

Modern Ethical Wills: Contemporary American Jews

Questions to ask yourself

• What gave your life satisfaction and meaning?

• What is the value of your story?

• How you want to be remembered?

Sam Levinson – American Humorist“I leave you…some four-letter words for all occasions”

Lori Klein video – 36:45 to 41:15

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2flXo9lKhM

Getting Started

Five steps to create your ethical will1. Identify those you wish to address2. Consider your intentions and opening lines3. Reflect upon what you want to say. Make brief notes for your own reference.4. Create an outline for your letter or recording5. Compose your ethical will using your outline to guide you.

Identify your audience

Imagine those who will receive your letter…

• Who will appreciate and safeguard this document?

• Do I want an intimate letter read by a few or a more public document read by many?

• Do I want to write just one letter or multiple letters?

• Do I want to create a joint document with my spouse?

Consider your intentions

1. Your feelings: love and hopes for those you address

2. Your values: what gives meaning and purpose to your life

3. Your perspective: share what life has taught you

4. Your history: link the past with present and future

Reflect and make brief notes• Brainstorm by considering range of possible topics• Create notes for reference• Focus on what is most important to communicate

Ask yourself:

• What are the intangibles that make my life rich?• What do I want my loved ones to inherit, in the broadest sense of the

word?

Create an outline

Using your notes create a loose outline.

• If you had time or space to say only one thing, what would it be?

• What do you want to write about first and what can wait

Compose your ethical will

• Start by saying the most important thing.• New thoughts and insights will come to you as you write.• Relax and be yourself: those who read this will want to hear your unique and

genuine voice.• Create a first draft and let it sit awhile. • Then revisit with a fresh perspective until you have a version that feels just

right.• Sign and date it: review and update as you see fit