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ENTIRE STORE of new inventory just in time for Peasch!
COME EARLY for best selection!
All shoes BUY 1 GET 2ND HALF OFF!
FREE TIE with every suit purchase!
EXTENDED PRE-YOM TOV HOURS
773.564.9493 · 2746 WEST TOUHY CHICAGO, IL 60645SUNDAY: 11AM-6PM | MONDAY-THURSDAY: 11AM-7PM | FRIDAY: 10AM-2PM
NEW HATS!
NEW SUITS!
NEW SHOES!
NEW COATS!
Your full mens’ & boys’ clothier
HAT BOXSUIT CENTRAL
Y: 11AM-6PMAAYSUND773.564.9493
YAAYY-THURSDAAY MOND|Y: 11AM-6PM T2746 WEST ·773.564.9493
Y: AAY FRID|Y: 11AM-7PM , IL 60645GOCHICAOUHY T
Y: 10AM-2PM, IL 60645
CHICAGOJEWISH
ADVERTISER
March 2012 • Vol. 4 No. 3
2 MARCH 2012 TO ADVERTISE 773.336.8225
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It is so hard to continue to witness the pain,the deep pain of your victims. Boys likeShloime, someone you consider to be a loser;you say, “Look at his clothes! His jokes aren’tfunny, he doesn’t know how to learn, or hisparents just don’t fit.” Or the girl you roll youreyes about: “Poor Rivkie, she just doesn’t getit – the way she dresses, or talks.” His/hervery existence seems to offend you.
And you have the power. You are strong,perhaps physically, certainly emotionally.You’re the one the others look to for approval.If you find someone acceptable, she is. Andif you say she’s not, she’s not. The other boysare afraid of you, find it too difficult to standup to you, and even though in their hearts theyfeel uncomfortable, at the very core of theirbeing they know that this is wrong, they stillgo along with you. The other girls laugh withyou, perhaps inwardly praying they won’t benext, that you spare them.
Oh yes, you are very powerful. You have thepower to break, to break the spirit of yourvictim, to break his confidence, and his beliefin himself. I have seen the broken pieces. Iknow this is not your intent, but this is whathappens. And you have the power to instill
dread, a literal dread of coming to school, orto shul, or of seeing you at asimcha. And youhave the power to change the life of a humanbeing. From a trusting, happy individual toone who is fearful, distrustful and sad. And attimes the pain of being bullied can lead onedown the road to disconnection from thecommunity and turning away from Hashem.
You say, “Oh, what’s the big deal! Everyonegoes through it. Be a man, grow up, it’s just ajoke.” “I’m doing her a favor, she has to knowthat she doesn’t fit in.” “I’m doing it to teachhim kavodhaTorah, good middos, orinstructing him in the name of “shtoltz”(dignity) to teach him his place.” Sometimesyou even convince yourself that you areengaged in a mitzvah. So you push himaround, physically or verbally, and you knowwhat’s best for him… But You Don’t.
I have seen the terrible pain, and I know thateven if she doesn’t know how to stand up toyou, it is still wrong, and will never be right,to hurt her. It’s not a joke, it’s not funny. It isdeadly serious, with consequences that can lasta lifetime. This is not a guess. This is theabsolute truth.
achzor (a cruel person). You may act withachzarius, with great cruelty, but you are notan achzor. I know that as a ben or basYisroel you are of the people defined by themidda of being RachmanimBneiRchmanim,and you are a rachaman (compassionate). Youare a child of Avrohom, with the spiritualgenes of being a blessing for others. So Imourn for you as well, stuck in a cycle that isso foreign to who you really are. You know,when you look at yourself in the mirror, thatyou do not want to be cruel. Perhaps a sibling,parent, teacher, or older boy has treated youin the same way. And in order to cope withthe pain, humiliation, or fear, you may havebecome hard, acting like you don’t care, evenconvincing yourself that it’s no big deal, thatyou really don’t care, maybe even that it’s goodfor you.
But it is a big deal, and you do care. Andinside, deep inside, the pain and the rage areunresolved and just sit there, and can comeout on others. Don’t get me wrong. Do notmisunderstand me. These last comments aremeant only to say that you too are hurting, andyou too deserve compassion, and are probablyunaware of how devastating your actions canbe. The fact that you’ve been hurt and havesuffered doesn’t change the reality that it is notOK to continue the damage. Hurting anothermay provide some relief for the moment, butit just perpetuates the cycle of hurt, and sendsyour own pain deeper, making it lessaccessible for healing. The price of bullying isa high one, perhaps highest for you.
Maybe you’re wondering what you can do.First, STOP. If you feel you can’t, you mustget help.Now. Talk to your parents or yourRebbi, teacher, Rabbi, or friend. If the per-son you talk to tells you, “Don’t worry aboutit, it’s not so bad,” don’t believe him. They aretrying to be kind but it is not helpful to youto minimize your actions. In order to change,you must know that it is unacceptable. You
must internalize a commitment to zerotolerance for these behaviors. And the peoplearound you, including your silentfriends whohave gone along with you until now, must helpyou in this process by insisting on zero toler-ance as well. It may be necessary to talk to atherapist to begin the hard work of change.
Second, please be courageous and askforgiveness from your victim. I say “courage”because this is very difficult, and a scary thingto do. Do not wait until Yom Kippur, do itnow. Asking forgiveness has many benefits; itis obviously your obligation, an integral partof teshuva, and it helps in the healing of theperson hurt. But more than that, it helps youin a powerful way, it helps you change yourbehavior, and begins the process of your ownhealing.
Third, know that you are gifted. Hashemhas given you a gift in your personality. Yourcharisma, your ability to influence others, is anincredible gift from Hashem, and like all giftsfrom Hashem, it comes with an achrayus(responsibility), the achrayus to use it in aTorah way, in Hashem’s ways of kindnesss andcompassion. You have the power to make adifference, to affect the lives of other humanbeings. Yes, I have been a witness to the pain,but I have also witnessed the extraordinaryimpact of someone just like you, changing.Transforming into someone who now uses hispower to protect, reach out, and to encouragean atmosphere among his peers of mutualrespect. When this occurs, it is breathtaking.Going from bully to blessing is a lifechanging, life enhancing experience, bringingjoy to all those you come into contact with.Especially to you.•
Dr. Lob is a clinical psychologist in privatepractice in Chicago, working with adults,adolescents, and families, for many years.He lectures and writes extensively on topicsrelating to psychology, relationships, parent-ing, education, and Jewish thought.
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HYDROPONICALLY-GROWN LETTUCE
Q. What bracha should I recite onhydroponically grown produce? May I usehydroponically grown Romaine lettuce at theSeder?
A. The considerable discussion in thePoskim regarding the bracha on hydroponi-cally grown produce is beyond the scope ofthis column, but here are some highlights:
Some (Chayei Adam 51:17 & Nishmas Adam152:1, Yechaveh Da’as 6:12, and Machzeh Eliyahu25-29) hold that the bracha is shehakolbecause the wording of the bracha“Boruch…who creates the fruit of the earth”(borei pri ha’adamah) is inappropriate foritems that grow unattached to the firmamentor that grow in a non-earthlike media (e.g.water, coconut coir). Rav Schwartz ruled thatone should follow this opinion.
Others argue that the bracha of borei priha’adamah was instituted for all vegetablesregardless of exactly how they grew. This isthe opinion of Chazon Ish, Rav Shlomo Zal-
man Auerbach (Vezos HaBracha, Birur Halacha#24), Shevet HaLevi (1:205), Teshuvos V’Hanha-gos 2:149, and Rav Shmuel Kaminetzky (KovetzHalachos, Pesach 24:6).
The use of hydroponically-grown Romainelettuce at the Seder is much morestraightforward, as Chazon Ish (Kilayim13:16) conclusively proves from Gemara,Pesachim 35b that wheat that grew unattachedto the ground (e.g. in a flowerpot) may be usedfor matzah at the Seder. Since many of therequirements for marror, including that itmust be produce of the “land”, are derivedfrom the halachos of matzah (see Gemara,Pesachim 39a) it follows that hydroponically-grown marror may surely be used at the Seder.
CHALAV YISROEL NOWADAYS
Q. My family has always used chalav stam(i.e. non chalav Yisroel) products based on theruling of Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l, butrecently we heard that some claim that hisruling no longer applies. Is that true?
Please be aware that the following brands of fresh salads such as Potato Salad, Cole Slaw andMacaroni Salad are no longer under the certification of the cRc: Orval Kent, Sysco, US Food-service, Walmart, Sam's Club. As always, buyers should be diligent when making any foodpurchases and should look at each label for a kosher certification. Any remaining products stillbearing the cRc logo are kosher certified.
Please note that any double bubble gum that is made by Concord Confectionary is certified bythe OU even without the OU on the label.
The Dannon Company will not produce its traditional OU yogurts for Passover. The Vanilla,Plain, Coffee and Lemon flavors are certified by the OU and in previous years had been availableas certified kosher for Passover. This year Dannon has chosen not to offer this product.
A. Rav Feinstein wrote numerous teshuvoson the topic of chalav Yisroel and in each henotes that it is preferable for people to drinkchalav Yisroel, but it is nonetheless perfectlypermitted to use (what is colloquially knownas) chalav stam due to government inspectionof dairy farms to assure that only cow’s milk isused. Those who have always used chalavstam may continue to do so and should not beconcerned about recent rumors that theseinspections no longer exist. It is true that thereis no formal question on the inspector’s formsthat says “Does the milk come from cows?”,however:
(a) The law clearly requires that milk andmilk-products sold to the public be from acow.
(b) Inspectors have told kashrus personnelthat if an inspector ever observed someoneusing milk from another animal or even havinganother type of animal on a dairy farm, thatperson would definitely be cited for aviolation.
(c )It is basically impossible (in the USA) topurchase equipment with which to milk non-kosher animals, and therefore the onlyviolations that ever occur in this realm arewhen a farmer will attempt to substitutekosher goat or sheep milk for cow’s milk. Eventhis type of violation is quite uncommon.
(d) The requirement that milk must comefrom a cow is so obvious and is so rarelyviolated that the inspector’s forms don’t evenbother asking the inspectors to check thatduring an inspection. It is akin to the fact thatwhen the cRc instructs a Mashgiach as to histasks we do not ask him to check if therestaurant is using ham because it is so obviousthat a kosher facility wouldn’t use it, and ofcourse the Mashgiach will report someonedoing so.
Accordingly, those who have always usedchalav stam may continue to do so.
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As much as we are told that Purim is a YomTov, a holiday, of opposites - "ve- nahapochhu," the Pesach Seder has more than it's ownshare of opposites. It can be confusing: Arewe commemorating our freedom and theExodus from Egypt and slavery, or are weremembering the bitterness of our years asslaves under the cruel rule of the Pharaohs ofEgypt? We recline to demonstrate we are free.Yet we dip our food in salt-water to remindourselves of the tears of our slavery. We drinkthe "Arba Kosos" --four cups-- of wine,which represent the "four languages ofredemption," but we eat charoses to com-memorate the mortar bricks we were forcedto make. Maror reminds us of the bitter timeswe spent in Egypt, yet we recline todemonstrate our liberty.
The explanation, however, is obvious. Asour Sages put it, "Light is only fully recognizedwhen emerging from darkness." One can onlyappreciate the importance of freedom after hefully understands what slavery entails. To truly
praise Hashem for taking us out of Egypt, wemust first learn about slavery, and evenperform physical symbols to bring home to ushow bitter it actually was.
Matzah and maror can also be seen as"opposites," as the following story illustrates.
One Seder night, the holy Rebbe RebYissachar Dov of Belz was walking throughthe alleyways of his town Belz. As he passedby the house of a simple yet G-d-fearing Jew,he stopped by the window to listen in on hisSeder. He overheard the Jew saying thesection of the Haggadah which establishes thecorrect time to remember the Exodus:
"One might think that the obligation todiscuss the Exodus commences with the firstday of the month of Nissan... therefore theTorah adds (Exodus 13:8), 'It is because ofthis that Hashem did so for me when I wentout of Egypt," [the pronoun this impliessomething tangible, leading us to concludethat] I have commanded you [to discuss theExodus] only when matzah and maror are
The simple Jew, it seems, was not verylearned. Instead of saying,"have commandedyou only when matzah and maror lie(munachim) before you," he said,"I havecommanded you only when matzah andmaror are mechutanim (i.e. relatives throughmarriage) before you." It was all his disciplescould do not to break out laughing. Yet totheir surprise, R' Yissachar Dov took hisblunder quite seriously. After pondering thesimple Jew's words for a moment, heremarked, "Indeed, matzah and marorare mechutanim!" Seeing his disciples'amazement, he related the following story.
Reb Zelig was a rich and important Jewwho's daughter's time had come to marry. Herfather searched far and wide for a young manworthy to take his daughter's hand in marriage, yet it seemed that every boy he metjust didn't suit the bill.
One day, while travelling on business, hecame across a young man sitting and learningin beis ha-midrash. At first, R' Zelig was putoff by the boy's shoddy clothes and impoverished appearance. The more theyspoke, however, the more impressed he became. "This young man is a diamond in therough," he thought to himself. R' Zelig wastedno time, and immediately arranged a shidduch,with a date for the wedding to be arrangedlater.
So excited was R' Zelig by his chassan thathe began to become paranoid lest someoneelse "discover" him and steal from him hiscatch. He sent an urgent telegram to theyoung chassan. "Come right away," it said,"the wedding must take place immediately! Donot worry about clothing or wedding ex-penses, I will take care of everything."
Alarmed, the chassan promptly gathered hismeagre possessions, and travelled to the cityof the kallah. When he arrived, he was
whisked off to the tailor to have a new suitmade for the chassunah. The tailor was instructed save the chassan's old torn suit forthe father of the kallah, who was footing thebill. Then, not even taking the time to preparea lavish wedding banquet, as would normallybefit a man such as R' Zelig, a hasty chassunahtook place.
In later years, when R' Zelig's son-in-law disagreed with him, or refused to take his advice, R' Zelig would go to his closet and remove the old, tattered clothing his son-in-law had worn before marrying his daughter."You forget," he would say, "that I'm the onewho made you what you are today. Look atyour regal clothing - this is what you used towear!"
Not to be outdone, R' Zelig's son-in-law hadhis own trick up his sleeve. He had put asidea stale piece of bread from the hastily prepared leftovers which had been served athis chassunah meal, saving it for just such anoccasion. Taking it out, he would say, "Ah, butyou too forget just how anxious you were tohave me as your son-in-law. Why, you didn'teven take the time to prepare a normal meal -you just couldn't wait!"
"So, you see," said the Belzer Rebbe, "theywere mechutanim worthy of one another."
"The same discussion," concluded theRebbe,"takes place between the Jewish nationand Hashem on the Seder night. Hashem, soto speak, takes out the maror, showing it to us.'You see,' He tells us, 'this is how bitter yourlives were before I took you out of Mitzrayim.Without Me, you would still be there!' But, notto be had, we too have what to say. We takeout the unleavened matzos before Hashem, asif to say to him, 'Ah, but remember the rushYou were in to have us as your nation. Why,you couldn't even wait until our bread hadtime to bake!' Indeed, matzah and maror arethe finest of mechutanim."
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1/2 cup butter1/2 cup white sugar1/3 cup packed brown sugar1/2 cup peanut butter1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract1 egg1 cup all-purpose flour1 teaspoon baking soda1/4 teaspoon salt1/2 cup rolled oats1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 350o.
In a medium bowl, cream together thebutter, white sugar and brown sugaruntil smooth. Stir in the peanut butter,vanilla and egg until well blended.Combine the flour, baking soda and salt;stir into the batter just until moistened.Mix in the oats and chocolate chips untilevenly distributed. Drop by tablespoon-fuls on to lightly greased cookie sheets.
Bake for 10- 12 minutes in the preheatedoven, until the edges start to brown. Coolon cookie sheets for about 5 minutesbefore transferring to wire racks to coolcompletely.
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