Chapter 7 Emotions & Communication What am I feeling? Is that right? How do I constructively express feelings?

Chapter 7Emotions &

CommunicationWhat am I feeling? Is that right?

How do I constructively express feelings?

Saarni-first originated emotional competence Goleman-capitalized on it with Emotional

Intelligence, the IQ of emotional competency

Saarni & Goleman

1. Physiological-bodily changes occur 2. Nonverbal reactions-observable changes-

Powerful way in expressing/conveying emotions

3. Cognitive interpretations-the mind’s role in determining emotional state4. Verbal expression-sometimes words are necessary& cannot rely on perceptiveness to sure you are understood accurately

What are Emotions?4 Components

Annoyed Angry Furious

Content Happy Ecstatic

Anxious Afraid Terrified

Liking Loving Adoring

Different Degrees of Intensity

Physiological ORGANISMIC-James & Lange Physical first, then emotions-most instinctualExample: Almost hit garbage on freeway—swerve—heart racing, sweaty palms, etc.--FEAR

Influences on Emotions

StimulusPhysiological

Response Emotion

Perceptual APPRAISAL THEORY Subjective perceptions shape external phenomena,

gaining meaning only as we attribute significance to them

Example: Taking a test—low test score—not very smart—

(event) (perception of event)(interpretation)

disappointment/shame, etc.(response)

Influences on Emotions

COGNITIVE LABELING-how you label the physiological response –use of language

Example: Taking a test—low test score—anxious—

(event) (physiological-knot-in-stomach) (label response w/

language)

disappointment/shame, etc.(response-comes from label not perception)

Influences on Emotions

Hochschild-Interactive View of EmotionsFraming Rules-define emotional meaningFeeling Rules-right to feel or expected to feelDeep Acting-control inner feelingsSurface Acting-control outward expressionEmotion Work-effort made to think about what

is appropriate in situations-allows engaging in deep acting

Social Influences

Social Expectations Gender

Vulnerability-Risky/disky Protecting Others Social & Professional Roles

Obstacles

1. Speaking in Generalities-What does the speaker really feel? General & abstract statements

“I feel bad”, “I’m happy”, “I’m fine”, “I’m frustrated”

Angry, confused, hurt, anxious, disappointed, etc.

Tend to recognize only a few emotions leaving us with limited emotional vocab to clearly communicate

Why We are Ineffective in Expressing our Emotions

Not owning feelings Use too much “you” languageYou made me !Need to reword statement to make it your ownI feel angry when you do not follow through on what you say you will do.I feel (emotion) when you (describe the behavior).

More Ineffectiveness

Counterfeit Emotional Language-language that seems to express emotions but does not actually describe what a person is feeling. Why can’t you leave me alone!-no feeling That’s just how I feel!-figure it out first I feel this discussion is getting off onto another

subject.-states a thought not a feeling

Ineffectiveness cont.

1. This was a great evening!2. You’re being awfully sensitive about that.3. I can’t figure out how to approach him.4. I’m confused about what you want from

me.5. I don’t know how to tell you this…6. I feel as if you’re trying to hurt me.7. It’s hopeless.8. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from

under me.

Exercise-Find the Feeling

Re-Write to Exercise

Contribute to effective functioningVs

Detract from effective functioning

Characteristics: intensity duration

Facilitative vs Debilitative

Fallacy of PerfectionFallacy of ApprovalFallacy of ShouldsFallacy of OvergeneralizationFallacy of CausationFallacy of HelplessnessFallacy of Catastrophic Expectations

Irrational Thinking & Debilitative Emotions

Monitor emotional reactionsNote the activating eventRecord your self-talkReappraise your irrational beliefs

Minimizing Debilitative Emotions