Chapter 3 Love the One Youre With The Evolution of Love Helen Fisher broke down love into three categories for evolutionary purposes Photo by Dianna.

Chapter 3Love the One You’re With

The Evolution of LoveHelen Fisher broke down love into three categories for evolutionary purposes

Photo by Dianna MulletPhoto by Crawford Wilson IIIPhoto by Valeria C Preisler

• Lust: drives reproduction• Love: affection and resources shared with 1 partner• Attachment: parental care for young

Finding Mr. RightMost future partners are 2-3 degrees removed from one another

The National Survey of Health and Social Life or “Chicago Sex Survey” reveals:

• 68% of people were introduced to their spouse by a common acquaintance• 32% met via “self-introduction”

• 53% of one-night-stands were introduced by someone else

Photo by Wonderlane

Finding Mr. RightIf there are one million compatible people for you in the world that’s 1 in 6,000 people who could be your potential “Mr. Right”…..Sound daunting?

The dispiritingly unromantic conclusion is that you will never find your one true soul mate…

That’s were social networks come in

Photo by Dieter Drescher

Help I Need Somebody!If you are single and know 20 people, and each of those 20 know 20 others, and each of those 20 know 20 more, then……20 x 20 x 20 = 8,000 social contacts (for a total of 8,420 within 3 degrees). One of those is probably your future spouse.

Finding Mr. RightFriends and family are efficient matchmakers because they can judge the compatibility of the two parties

Photo by Mike Ortiz

Photo by Tripu, Flikr

Perfect for One Another

Homogamy: tendency of like to marry like• 72% of marriages exhibit homogamy

Once married, spouses become even more similar due to influence

Photo by Alfred Liu

Photo by Bradley P Johnson

Photo by Johey24, Flikr

Big Fish, Little PondPeople often care more about their relative standing in the world than their absolute standing

Why? People are envious…

Photo by TomSaint11Photo by Keven Law

Big Fish, Little PondIn an experiment testing the relative standing phenomenon in the workplace:

• The majority of people involved said they would rather earn a $33,000 salary with everyone else getting $30,000 than earn $35,000 and have fellow colleagues earn $38,000

Photo by Seer Snively

Big Fish, Little PondIn a similar experiment dealing with attractiveness, participants were asked which state was more desirable:

A: Your physical attractiveness is 6; others average 4.B: Your physical attractiveness is 8; others average 10.

• 75% of people preferred A• 93% of Harvard Grads preferred A

Relative Standing is key to Sex Appeal Photos by Steve Garfield, Cyril Attias & Fiona Bird, Flikr

Everyone Else is Doing It

Social Networks affect our relationships by:• Influencing perceptions and opinions• Dictating our position in the network and relative standing

Example: “Indirect Mate Choice”: the tendency to choose a partner based on what others value

Photo by Pedro Simoes

Marry Me?

So? Which comes first, better health or marriage?

Marriage produces health benefits….

Photos by Allard, Flikr and Mike Baird

Counter arguments: • unhealthy people are less likely to get married and healthier are more likely (also homogamy – the fit marry the fit)• “joint unfavorable environment”: both wife and husband were exposed to something that made them more likely to die

Grooms Gain More

Why?

• Emotional support which has biological and psychological benefits (lower heart rate, improved immune function, etc.)

• Economies of Scale (combined income=more money)

Photo by Ed Yourdon

Being married adds 7 years to a man’s life and 2 to a woman’s

Grooms Gain MoreWhen men get married there is a sharp and dramatic decline in their risk of death (women do not experience as much of an immediate benefit)

Grooms Gain MoreChanges in Men:

• Elimination of “stupid bachelor tricks”

• Receive support and connection to broader social networks via their wives

Photo by Fabio Lone Photo by David Clow

Photo by Kevin Lim

Dying of a Broken Heart

The Widowhood Effect:• After a wife dies, a husband has a 30%-100% higher mortality rate in the first year of widowhood• Risk of heart attack rises after death of spouse

Black couples or men married to black women do not experience the widowhood effect!

Photo by Avoir Chaud