Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Writing Effective Sentences

2Chapter 11. Writing Effective Sentences

Writing Effective Sentences

Good tech communication sentences should be clear, correct, and graceful Structuring effective sentences Choosing the right words and

phrases


Structuring Effective Sentences

Use lists. Emphasize new and important

information. Choose an appropriate sentence

length. Focus on the “real” subject. Focus on the “real” verb. Use parallel structures. Use modifiers effectively.


Guidelines for Creating Effective Lists

Set off each listed item with a number, a letter, or a symbol (usually a bullet).

Break up long lists. Present the items in a parallel

structure. Structure and punctuate the lead-

in correctly. Punctuate the list correctly.


1. Using ListsLong & Complicated Sentences

We recommend that more work on heat-exchanger performance be done with a larger variety of different fuels at the same temperature, with similar fuels at different temperatures, and with special fuels such as diesel fuel and shale-oil-derived fuels.


1. Using ListsVertical Lists

We recommend that more work on heat-exchanger performance be done

with a larger variety of different fuels at the same temperature

with similar fuels at different temperatures

with special fuels such as diesel fuel and shale-oil-derived fuels


1. Using ListsNumbered Lists

We recommend that more work on heat-exchanger performance be done (1) with a larger variety of different fuels at the same temperature, (2) with similar fuels at different temperatures and, (3) with special fuels such as diesel fuel and shale-oil-derived fuels.


1. Using ListsGuidelines for Creating

Effective Lists

Set off each listed item with a number, a letter, or a symbol (usually a bullet).

Break up long lists of 10 or more items. Present the items in a parallel structure.

Starts with a verb phrase

Nonparallel Parallel 1. First draft 1. Write first draft

2. Revision of the first draft

2. Revise first draft

3. After approval, write final draft

3. Prepare final draft after approval


1. Using ListsGuidelines for Creating Effective Lists

Structure and punctuate the lead-in correctly. If lead-in is independent clause, use a colon

Following are the three main assets: If lead-in is dependent clause, use dash or

no punctuation The committee found that the employee– The committee found that the employee

Punctuate the list correctly. items are phrases The items are complete sentences. Others. See page 228.


2. Emphasize New & Important Information

Place new information at the end of the sentence. Because of labor shortages, we expect a three week

delay. Three week delay is the new information.

Do not end the sentence with information that blunts the impact of the new information. The joint could fail under special circumstances.

(Weak) Under special circumstances, the joint could fail.

(Better) Put new or difficult terms at the end of the

sentence. You use a wired glove to point to objects. (Weak) To point to objects, you use a wired glove. (Better)


3. Appropriate Sentence Length

Average sentence length of 15 to 20 words Use variety of lengths 10 words is too choppy Series of 35+ word sentences is too

demanding Succession of same length sentences

too monotonous Avoid overly long sentences

Break apart or use lists Avoid overly short sentences

Combine sentences


4. Focus on the “Real” Subject

Don’t bury the real subject in a prepositional phrase.

The weak subject will hide the real subject. Weak: The use of this method would

eliminate the problem of motor damage. Strong: This method would eliminate the

problem of motor damage. Weak subjects usually precede the of.

Reduce number of expletives (there is, it is, there are).


5. Focus on the “Real” Verb

Watch out for inappropriate verb nominalizations. Verbs turned into nouns Weak: Each preparation of the

solution is done twice. Strong: Each solution is prepared

twice. Search for character strings such as

tion, ment, sis, ence, ing, and ance.


6. Use Parallel Structures

Coordinated elements follow same grammatical form Verb form

Nonparallel: Our present system is costing us profits and reduces our productivity.

Parallel: Our present system is costing us profits and reducing our productivity.

Overlap in a series of items Overlapped: The speakers will include

partners of law firms, businesspeople, and civic leaders.

The speakers will include businesspeople, civic leaders, and partners of law firms.


Use Modifiers Effectively

Distinguish between restrictive and nonrestrictive modifiers.

Avoid misplaced modifiers. Avoid dangling modifiers.


7. Use Modifiers Effectively

Avoid misplaced modifiers because placement may determine the meaning of the sentence Only Turner received a cost-of-living increase last

year. No one else received one

Turner received only a cost-of-living increase last year.

Didn’t receive a merit increase Turner received a cost-of-living increase only last

year. Received as recently as last year

Turner received a cost-of-living increase last year only.

No other year


Choosing the Right Words and Phrases

Select an appropriate level of formality.

Be clear and specific. Be concise. Use inoffensive language.


1. Appropriate Level of Formality

Two problems with informal writing Informal writing tends to be imprecise. Informal writing can be embarrassing.

Consider audience, subject and purpose More formally to executives than students,

etc. More formally about serious subjects such

as safety procedures vs. office party More formally in a formal report than a

newsletter Err on the side of formality!


Levels of Formality

Informal The Acorn 560 is a real screamer.

Moderately formal

With its 3.8 GHz processor, the Acorn 560 can handle complicated spreadsheets quickly.

Highly formal

With a 3.8 GHz processor, the Acorn 560 is a high-speed personal computer designed for handling complicated spreadsheets.


2. Be Clear and Specific

Active vs. passive voice (pp. 236-237) Active: Dave drove the launch vehicle. Passive: The launch vehicle was driven by

Dave. In most cases, active voice is better

Emphasizes the agent Shorter sentences

Passive better in four cases:1. Agent is clear from the context2. Agent is unknown3. Agent is less important than action4. Referencing the agent is inappropriate



Be specific Use precise words

Ford Taurus is an automobile, a vehicle, a machine, and a thing.

Provide adequate detail An engine on the plane experienced

some difficulties. (Which engine, what plane, what kind of difficulties?)

Avoid ambiguity After stirring for 10 seconds, add three

drops of the iodine mixture to the solution. (stirring what?)



Use jargon (shoptalk) only with a technically knowledgeable audience. cold-swap the drive

Avoid unnecessary jargon because: It can be imprecise. It can be confusing. It is often seen as condescending. It is often intimidating.



Use positive constructions: what something is instead of what something is not most vs. not all few vs. not many on time vs. not late

Avoid long noun strings. Preregistration procedures instruction

sheet update Fine if the reader understands them:

Flat-panel monitor, passive-restraint system



Avoid clichés. thinking outside the box, pushing

the envelope, mission critical, paradigm shift

Good writing is original and fresh. Avoid euphemisms (polite way of

saying something offensive) use the restroom dehiring, downsizing, personnel

surplus reduction


3. Be Concise

Avoid obvious statements. The market for the sale of flash

memory chips… Better: The market for flash memory

chips… Avoid fillers.

Commonly used in speech: basically, essentially, sort of, kind of

Redundant expressions: collaborate together, past history, end result, completely eliminate


3. Be Concise

Avoid unnecessary prepositional phrases. The increase in the number of students

enrolled in the materials-engineering program at Lehigh University is a testament to the regard in which that program is held by the university's new students. (Better version on p. 242)

Avoid wordy phrases (Table 11.1) a majority of vs. most a number of vs. many, some

Avoid pompous words (Table 11.2) Advise vs. tell; initiate vs. begin


4. Use Inoffensive LanguageUse Nonsexist Language

Let’s be PC!!! Replace the male-gender words with non-gender-

specific words. Chairperson, businessperson, firefighters

Switch to a different form of the verb. Sexist: The operator must pass rigorous tests before he

is promoted. Better: The operator must pass rigorous tests before

being promoted. Plural: Operators must pass rigorous tests before they

are promoted. Switch to he or she, he/she, s/he, or his or her. Address the reader directly.

You, your Alternate he and she.


4. Use Inoffensive LanguageGuidelines for the People-First

Approach

Refer to the person first, the disability second. People with mental retardation rather

than the mentally retarded people Don't confuse handicap with disability. Don't refer to victimization.

A person with AIDS not an AIDS victim Don't refer to a person as "wheelchair

bound" or "confined to a wheelchair." Don't refer to people with disabilities

as abnormal.


Preparing Text for Translation

Use short sentences. Use the active voice. Use simple words. Include a glossary. Use words that have only one

meaning. Use pronouns carefully. Avoid jokes, puns, and culture-

bound references.

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